"Keep it, " she said, "you might learn a thing or two."
I watched as she walked away in a hurry, disappearing around the corner and her book in my hand. Clenching my jaw, I flipped the pages again as if expecting to find something but to no avail. She just left this with me for the hell of it.
What the fuck just happened?
All I know is I felt her lips. That's it. Soft and plump was what they felt like and for a moment when they touched mine it felt right; like it was meant to be there.
Don't get me wrong, I've kissed many girls in my life- that wasn't even a kiss. It was a simple act of kindness, a touch but it felt like something more. She wanted it to, I saw it but like the girl she is, she pulls away and left me hanging.
Left me? Hanging?
Who put a spell on me to possibly feel as though I've just been rejected? It's the way she teased it, how she wanted it the same way I did but pulled away. I didn't fight her though. Her tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes were enough to tell me that she hasn't had a good day and I'm not going to make it worse.
Perhaps it's the minuscule guilt that lived in me ever since she finally confronted me. Or maybe it's the interest I had when I saw her on the phone. There's a reason why I came to her. I saw her walk in here with nothing but this book and her fate. I followed her and almost walked away but then I saw her cry. Not even thinking much about it, I stayed. Do I regret it? Who knows?
It didn't help that I found her whole reasoning to be rather ridiculous but the way she put it made it seem like hell for her. Who would've known that such a perfect girl had demons in her head as everyone else did (note the sarcasm)?
I sighed and finally got up knowing that if I dwelled on what happened then I'm gonna be here all day. It's not like I'm not gonna be consumed by it for the next couple of days.
I lifted the book to a shelf because I know that I won't be reading it anyway. Then, I saw how worn out it was.
I frowned at the crumpled pages, the scratched cover, and the little handwriting in them. Highlights peeked through the arching pages from being opened too many times. The creases on the spine and the folded flaps off of the top. This book was loved. I doubt it fits with department books.
"Damn it, " I groaned and left the library with the book in my hand.
Maybe I can finally get some reading in if I tried to. If this book is as destroyed as I am then who's to say it's not as interesting? I mean, she read it.
I spent the next couple of days to myself.
Spoke to my parents just a little less and spent more time with Henry in my dorm. I canceled our weekend and lied about the reason. It was as painful as I imagined but nonetheless, it's another way of keeping me sane.
Afternoons where I cried and he was there handing me donuts. I was a mess and mad at myself, I couldn't even face Jocelyn even when she said she wanted to help. Cade visited a few times but only got mad whenever I mentioned my parents. Danica was there with Henry and even offered to miss the parties to stick with me but I refused; I shouldn't be ruining others for my own self-loathing.
Henry was the most helpful though. He stuck with me in the dorm, after classes, and at the band practice. From his favorable dad jokes to his wisdom-filled words, he felt more like family. I thanked him numerous times and he just laughed it off saying, 'I'm meant to be here.'
We watched tearjerkers just so he could cry with me and I found that comforting and hilarious. I learned to love his little giggles or the way he winks when he talks-he doesn't even notice. Then whenever he'd come over he'd take me around for a drive to get coffee, study with me if he could, and write songs too. He's been an adorable angel around me, being my shoulder to cry on and I've never been more thankful.
Despite this, there was still one person who never left my mind. Matteo.
His words would sometimes crawl into my mind whenever things get a little too heavy and it lifts half the weight. I would blink right after and all I could see was the utopian forest in his eyes. The green leaves dancing as they got closer. Then I'd feel a feather of a touch on my lips; I'd wake.
Seeing him after that elicited hidden looks in a crowd or glimpses in classes. His eyes still held much hostility as I had gotten used to but this time there was a familiarity in it. He's seen me at my lowest, of course, there's familiarity.
Every day I'd regret being that vulnerable with him but then I'd find him in the hall staring back at me with a hint of a smile and my regrets disappear. Like a scene from a movie where the lead finds a reason to be interested. Only this time, the irony is, I find his enigma interesting. I still don't know why he was that charming or why he didn't insult me like he usually did on a normal day. Why did his words make sense or why his company felt comforting?
So many questions but the only answers I got were hidden gazes from across the room that only raised more questions instead.
Now, after a whole week of depressing thoughts and lonely midnight conferences, I'm finally getting out of the dorm to go to the movies. With Henry driving my car to the new Bond film, I felt a little more at ease.
"Glad you didn't cancel after all of it." He uttered while I busied myself watching as we passed by the streetlights.
"Yeah, I'm not really the one to cancel plans just because I'm a mess, " I joked but heard no laughter from him.
"Evie, you shouldn't feel any obligation-"
"I don't. I just know I didn't want to be inside for a longer period." I cut him off knowing where he was going with it.
"Also, " I feel his hand rest on mine and I looked at him curiously, "you look like you've just emerged from your hibernation, "
I take my hand away and slapped his arm while he burst out laughing at his own joke.
What is so wrong with a grey hoodie and skinny jeans? We're not in Paris where fashion is always a must. Then again, I guess he was referring to my disheveled mop of hair or my rather bare-faced look. A girl who's been through it won't have the energy to slap a full face of makeup on. Not that I do that even before now.
"Alright, I'll drop you here and I'll Park the car," Henry mumbled while parking us by the entrance and I raise a brow.
"Since when were you a personal driver?"
"Since its raining and it's cold and you may get sick Princess Eva." He said with an authoritative tone and I chuckle.
"Sure thing Prince Henry." I playfully retorted back as I walked out.
"You know there was an actual Prince Henry in Australia and-"
"Go, " I laughed, shutting the door in front of him before taking in the new surroundings.
Everything was grey, damp, and wet. The moon is almost up there as the sun disappeared down the horizon and the droplets of rain were like stardust falling outside the covered entrance. The wind was silently vigilant, not too strong, and not too quiet either. Certainly a different environment from tainted walls and creaky floorboards. The place was buzzing, filled with families, teenagers, couples but only one person caught my eyes.
When I walked up the triple steps that led to the cinema, there a find a smug-looking man with his dark denim jacket over a black hoodie. His jeans were shredded to a minimum and he clutched a large popcorn box in hand. When he saw me, his eyes glinted before he smirked and my heart stops.
"Wow, you actually got out of your cave. Newsflash, Aliens have taken over." He said, putting a handful of popcorn in his mouth like a hungry savage and I furrowed my brows. Walking up to him, I thought of the many reasons why he must be so playful.
"Nice to see you too, " I said cautiously, still unsure of his aim.
"How's Jafar and Ursula?" He said as I stood beside him, looking out for the others I guess.
"What?" I look at him and he chuckles.
"Your parents?"
He is seriously joking right now and I don't know what to feel about it. Absolutely no hostility, no insult, and on fireballs. I'm starting to believe that Aliens have actually taken over.
"You call them Jafar and Ursula?"
"Yeah, your mother taking away your abilities and your father being a deceptive son of a bitch who only wants what he wants." He said with conviction making me scoff.
"I told you about my problems once, don't get cocky about it," I warned and his smirk fades.
"Can you say I'm wrong though?"
His eyes spoke as much as his lips did and no matter how I tried to disagree with them-I couldn't. These were the eyes that have been painted in my dreams just because the lesson they held was true to the story I was telling. They were always right; even now.
"No, " I muttered to myself, ashamed of my admittance.
"Uh, pardon, I could not hear that, " he leans to the side, right next to my lips and I smiled. The strong scent of his aftershave filled my lungs along with the strawberry scent I can only remember from his car and with it was the smell of cigarettes.
"I said, no. You aren't wrong." I crossed my arms as he pulled away with a proud look on his face.
"Just as I had thought."
"Wait, where's everyone?" I finally had the guts to ask.
"Late, as always. They keep hitting me about my punctuality but it turns out, they're the once who fuck up, " he laughs to himself and I bite my lip to not laugh back.
I still don't understand this side of him. Being playful, playfully harmful is one thing I've rarely seen from him but being actually playful? That's uncharted territory. How am I supposed to act?
"Popcorn?" He waves the box in front of me and the smell of butter immediately hit my senses, making my already hungry self, hungrier.
"Yes please, " I sighed not even thinking about it since he's acting all nice anyway.
I reached in but got rejected when he pulled the box away. I glance at him and found a mischievous smile on his lips. That smile truly is one of a kind.
I tried to reach in again and this time, he puts the popcorn above his head where he's sure I can't reach.
"Ok, now that's plain bullying." I chuckled.
"You said you wanted some. I'm generous, so go get some." He challenged and I put my hands on my hips, looking at that box and thought of taking in the challenge. He waves it just to mock me and growled before jumping up, only to fail.
"Try again, " he teased and I laughed.
"I don't even know why I'm playing this game with you right now, " I admitted with laughter.
With Matteo, I never really know what I'm doing. One second I'm screaming the air out of my lungs the next I'm laughing with him like an old friend from the burrows. It's like living in two different worlds with no knowledge of where I'll wake up next.
"Because I realized that food is your weakness and now you are hungry, " he teased again as I kept jumping just to reach the stupid box.
"Since when did that inference come?" I said and with one final groan, I was able to snatch the carton out of his grasp and onto mine. When I came down, that's when I realize where I was.
My chest was only obstructed by the thin box from him. Our eyes glued to each other and his moving down to my lips. I'm having serious De Javu right now and my emotional response is compromised to its very depths. My breath hitches and my mind fogged at the way he looked at me. We were so close yet again, but it also feels like we never went too far anyway.
"Because I tend to observe a little too much, " he whispered, croaking almost as his voice got trapped in his throat
"Hey, I thought everyone would've been here- oh hey Matteo, "
Oh god.
Snapping out of my trance, I moved away almost tripping over myself while I watched Matteo's demeanor change upon hearing Henry's joyous voice. His eyes became frustrated and his jaw clenched.
"Great, " he comments while Henry just smiled as he walked to me, looking absolutely clueless of what had just occurred.
"Ooh, Princess got popcorn!" He sang, dipping into the carton and I looked to Matteo who looked like his kingdom had just been stolen and he is ready to take it back.
Should I be concerned?