Linzi's Diary 12 part 1

Thursday, 18/9/2032

He walked down the pathway and sat down at a bench, stretching his legs out he sighed to himself as he took in the scenery in front of him.

A car pulled into the driveway. "Looks like we have a guest." She walked into the hall and opened the door. "Hello stranger, what are you doing here?" "Hey Donna, how are you?" "I'm good, surprised to see you here. What have I done to deserve this visit?" "I am on a bit of a mission and I don't want you to panic, he's probably fine but somehow we've lost Brian." Come on in and you can explain everything." They walk into the house and into the living room. "Would you like anything to drink?" "I'm okay thank you." Nick sat down on a chair by the window. "You're looking well." "No different than usual, but you on the other hand look amazing... your husband isn't around, is he? I'm hoping I won't get a clump for saying that." "No, he's not here but he is on his way home from work... so, I am very interested in how you managed to lose Brian Littrell. Is there anything wrong with him? I gather there must be a reason why your all keeping an eye on him." "He's been pretty quiet, he shocked us all when he sold the house and signed the Kentucky house over to Scott." "Are you kidding? I thought he'd always be in that house." "Us too, luckily Tom found out and the boys bought it from him. I went around to see him and Pip, but the house was empty and there was no sign of them. We then got a tip off that he was over here, I thought he might have come here to see you." "That would have been nice but unfortunately I haven't seen him." "If he does turn up can you ring me?" "Sure." She smiled.

The door to the living room opened slowly. "Mum can I have something to eat please?" You can get yourself a bag of crisps, but first you can say hi to my friend Nick." "Hi Nick." "Nick has been a friend of mine for a long time." "You've certainly changed from the photos that your mom showed me." "That's so weird, you have the same accent as the guy who spoke to my dad yesterday." "Your dad never said anything to me." "You'll have to ask him; can I go and get some crisps now?" "Yeah go on." He walked into the kitchen. "Well he must have come to see me then, unless it was one of the others." "I'm the only one over here. So at least we know he's tried contact you, I did message Pip, but I guess she has a new number since she's moved over here." "But why would he not stay in contact with everyone?" "I have no idea, maybe he's met someone, and he wants to keep it a secret... I think it would be a good for him if he has, I'd be happy for him. Lacey and Tom would love him to spend more time with Noah and if he is over here, then I know they'd fly right out to see him." "I heard about Noah, you're finally and grandpa." "I was already a grandpa; my Brian has a daughter called Mackenzie and she is pretty." "I bet, runs in the family genes doesn't it." The front door opened, and Donnas husband walked in. "Hi, I'm just in here." He walked into the living room. "Hi baby." "Hi, I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine, Nick." "Hi Nick." "He's here looking for his friend, Robin said you may have spoken to him yesterday?" "Oh, I completely forgot; some guy named Brian turned up. He was looking for you, but you were out, he gave me his mobile number and address; I was supposed to pass it on to you." "At least we know he's okay." "Can I write that address down, I'm going to see if I can pay him a visit." "Yeah sure." Nick copied it down. "Thank you and I will call you guys later once I've spoken to him." With a hug, Nick left the house and got into his car.

He drove up to the house, as he parked up a familiar face walked into the house. "At least someone is home." He exited the car and made his way over to the front door, after the ringing the bell he waited for an answer. The door opened. "Oh, hey Uncle Nick." "Hey Pippin, is your dad home?" "No, he's... (She looked at her watch) at the swimming pool, come in and wait for him, he should be back soon." He walked into the house and she closed the front door. "Dad didn't say that you were coming." "I know, it's a surprise visit... how's he doing?" "He's okay, he keeps himself busy; he goes for daily runs and goes to the gym, he's actually doing what the doctors told him to." "That's good, I love the house." "It's nothing like the house in Florida, dad didn't think we needed a big house for just the two of us." "So, he didn't meet anybody then?" "Like a girlfriend? No, if he did, he didn't tell me." "That's a shame... so he doesn't mind that you're here on your own?" "No, Uncle Nick I'm ten I don't need him to watch me all of the time. If you want to check on him yourself, you can just go down to the pool and find him." "Okay, I will be back." "I know and tell dad to bring me McDonalds." "Yes miss." Nick left the house and made his way to the pool.

He stood by the café and looked around, sat near some ladies he spotted Brian who was laughing and having a good time. Noticing Nick, he made his excuses and swam over. "Hey Nick, what are you doing here?" "Looking for you, I see you still have a way with the girls." "They're just friends, it's been ages since I saw you brother, how have you been?" "I'm good, I spoke to Pippin and she told me you were here." "You know, let me go and get dried and changed and we can talk." "Okay." Brian made his way to the changing rooms and a ten minutes later he appeared, and they sat down at a table. "I'm glad Kerry isn't here, you know she'd be drooling and making inappropriate comments, you look really well." "Thank you, you're looking good too. So, what did Pippin say to you?" "Other than reminding me that she's ten? Where did the time go?" "Tell me about it, is it just you here?" "Yeah, it was Tom and Lacey who convinced me to come and find you, they've been messaging you, but you haven't replied." "I managed to break my phone and I lost all of my contacts, is everyone okay? I saw James at a show a few months back, did he not say?" "I haven't really seen him, he's been so busy, but everyone is okay and happy." "That's good, are you okay and happy?" "Yeah, I'm all good. What about you? I know you're smiling and everything, but I know you Brian." "I am honestly okay, I promise you. I know moving here was a big change and everyone thought I was crazy, but I really enjoy it here." "I can see." Nick chuckled. "Believe me, a relationship is the last thing on my mind. I am happy as I am with just me and Pippin... you know, shall we get out of here? We can go back to mine and talk more." "Yeah okay, oh and Pippin said you have to bring her back and McDonalds." "Why doesn't that surprise me." he picked up his bag and they made their way home.

Over in the states: "Do you have everything you need?" "Yes, I do, don't worry I'll be fine. James is meeting me at the airport and after we've battled our way through the screaming fans we'll be going to our hotel, there I will call you." "He's been away all this time and now he needs you in London?" "I guess he has his reasons, maybe he just misses me." "I seriously doubt that, knowing James he probably has an ulterior motive for having you there, why didn't he ask Rian or Scott?" "I don't know, I'll ask him when I get there. Tell Noah I love him I will see him in a few days okay?" "Okay, drive safe and remember they drive on the left in London." "I do know, see you soon, love you." "I love you too." He got into his car and made his way to the airport.

Nick and Brian arrive at the house, as they walked through the door a dog ran down the stairs toward them. "Hey boy, Pippin are you home? She must be out again, sometimes it's like I hardly see her at the minute." "She's growing up fast." "Too fast... can I get you a coffee?" "Yeah, thank you." "James is performing tonight at the O2, why don't you join us, I know Jim would love to see you." "Sounds like a great idea." "Where are you staying?" "Nowhere at the minute, I just got off the plane then came to find you." "I have a spare room; you can stay here if you want?" "Thank you." "So, you going to give her a call?" "Who?" "Kerry." "Yeah, she's visiting my boy. Talking of kids, have you spoken to Tom? Noah is growing up fast and he can be a terror... he runs away so fast and he loves to play hide and seek." "I'm flying over in a few months; I can spend some time with everyone for Christmas." "Will you be staying at the house?" "I haven't really thought about it." "I think the boys will appreciate you being home." "I'll think about it." The door opened and Pippin walked into the kitchen. "Hey dad, hey Nick... ooh McDonalds, thank you. Daddy is it okay if Andy comes over?" "Yeah but you know we're going out soon." "Oh yeah, I forgot." "Well go and get yourself sorted out so we get there on time." "Yes daddy." Pippin took her food with her to her room.

The plane soon landed in London, Tom made his way through arrivals and into a VIP room. "Hey brother, you made it! I've been waiting ages to see you." Tom hugged James. "You're looking good brother." "You're looking good too, what have you done with your arm dude?" "It's a more realistic one than the last one, what about you? Mr. Tattoo guy." "They're not too much, are they?" "I think they look cool, does Chrissy know you have them?" "Yeah, they cover up my scars and it means I can do more photoshoots." "So, you swapped knives for needles instead?" "Exactly." "So why did you call me here? You know I would have come to see the shows in Florida." "I know, but this is London, you know. It's a very special place for us all." "Yeah, I know. You still haven't answered my question." "I missed you, that's my answer. Don't ask me why, I just do, okay?" "I wasn't expecting to hear that as a reason, but I'll accept that. I just have one more question, what's with the wheelchairs?" "Dude, do you know how many fans are waiting for me out there?" "Yes, and we really don't need all that? Just meet them, you'll make their day." "I didn't think you'd be up for all that after your flight." "Are you kidding me? this used to be our way of life, granted I don't have to sign as many autographs as you, but I really enjoy it." "Well if you're ready for it? Then I guess we should make our way to the car." "Let's go." They made their way from the VIP room and down to the foyer to the awaiting fans.

After signing autographs and taking pictures they were soon in the car and on their way to James' apartment. Tom placed his suitcase in his room before walking over to the window and looking over at the view across the river Thames. "You know, I'm still surprised your fans haven't found this place yet." "They have, they just don't know what apartment mine is. That is unless you brought any girls over when you stayed?" "The only lady I brought here was Lacey, so you don't have to worry." "Shall we get something to eat before rehearsals?" "Yeah, what do you want to eat?" "There's a pizza restaurant in the O2 arena that's pretty awesome." "Pizza sounds okay." "Let's go." They make their way over to the arena. They order the food before sitting down at a table. "So, you think we won't get noticed here?" Tom chuckled. "Some people don't expect me to be anywhere near here, anyway they'll be surprised to see you here. You'll be more likely to be mobbed than me?" "Me? hey I'm nobody compared to you." "Are you kidding me, the girls love you, you're my brother of course they love you." "Okay, I'm slowly getting why you wanted me over here." "And what is that?" "Jim, I haven't sung in a long time." "I know, but we're here in London and it means a lot to us. So, what better way to make it even more special than to sing with my brother." "You didn't ask Rian or Scott to join us?" "Is it bad if I said no? you know that I'm closer to you, we have a connection and you're my best friend next to Alex." "Is this the hard-sell? Because I'm already here, aren't I? of course I'll sing with you." "Thank you." He smiled.

A few girls walked over. "HI girls, are you okay?" "You're James Littrell, oh my god." "Yes, I am, how are you girls doing? Are you coming to the show tonight?" "Yeah, we can't wait... are you Tomas Littrell?" "I am, it's nice to meet you ladies." "Are you going to be signing with James tonight? I have your album that you released; it'll be amazing to see you both tonight." "Well we're here together now, I can't give away anything about tonight." "Can we have your autographs please?" "Of course, ... I have an idea." James and Tom signed their autographs onto a napkin, and they take a few selfies with the girls. "Thank you, we'll let you finish your dinner." "If you give us your names then maybe we can give you a shout out on stage." Said James. "Awesome, my name is Emily and my sister is called Megan." "Well it was nice to meet you, Emily and Megan and we hope you enjoy the show tonight." Said Tom. "Thank you." The girls walk away, and the boys eat their food.

Brian, Nick, and Pippin made their way to the arena, parking their car and using their passes they made their way backstage. "Takes you back, doesn't it?" smiled Nick. "It certainly does." "Well apart from me because I was here a few months ago with James." Said Pippin. "Yes, you were." "So, have you thought about going into the music industry?" "I have thought about it but I'm not sure yet." "She was amazing, she even recorded a song to go on James' next album." "Shall I go and see if he's here yet?" Pippin walked off toward the dressing room, finding that he wasn't there she took a walk around the arena. On hearing some commotion, she made her way towards it. Surrounded by bodyguards James was now signing autographs to a line of fans, so Pippin got into the queue.

Slowly the line started to move until she reached him. "Hi, who shall I sign this to?" "Can you please put down 'to the best sister in the whole world'? oh and could I get a selfie too?" He looked up. "Hey you! You can have whatever you want." He stood up and hugged her, he called for Tom who came out of hiding from the café. As he stepped out the fans starting cheering. "Well aren't you popular, you know dad doesn't know you're here." "Good, can we keep it that? It'll be a nice surprise for tonight." "Yeah, Uncle Nick is here too. So, it will be a surprise for them both... well you look very busy James, so I will let you get back to it. Let me have my selfie first then I'll go before they ask for my autograph." Taking her selfies with the boys she made her way back to Brian and Nick.

They were sat in their own viewing box up by the side of stage. "You know, why don't you two come back and stay with me and Kerry for a few days. I know she would love to see you." "Maybe, I know Pip wants to go over. It'll be good for her to spend some time with Grace, we were talking about going away on holiday for a while. So, why not spend it with family?" "I know they're all missing you guys; I know Noah is missing his G-rok." "Is he angry with me?" "Who? Noah?" "Tom." "Tom is fine... sometimes he can be frustrated when he has his bad days, but he's never angry with you." "I'll soon find out when I see him." Pippin sits down behind them. "I found him, he was surrounded by girls as usual, look I took a selfie with him." She showed them the photo. "Does he have tattoos?" asked Nick. "Yeah, he says they cover up the scars." "They look good on him, the tattoos not the scars." "He's not even finished yet; he's got plenty more tattoos to go." "Well that's what happens when you have AJ as a father-in-law." They both laugh. "Well aren't you two a pair of happy bunnies." "Donna, how are you?" "I'm good, I'm glad Nick found you in the end." "He could never really lose me; you got the tickets I sent you." "Thank you for sending me them." "Wait, you said you hadn't seen Brian." "I hadn't, he just sent me the tickets. I can't wait to see James." "He has come a long way since he started." "Well by the sound of it, the show has sold out tonight. It's a shame Christian and the kids couldn't be here." "I don't think he's seen them since he started the tour, he calls them every day, but they haven't spent any time together." "How long does he have on the tour?" "He has six more shows over here, then I think two months' worth of shows in the U.S... you never know, she might join him for the shows over there." "I think he'll like that." "Daddy, I'm going to get a drink before the show starts." "Okay baby." Pippin leaves the box.

A while later and the arena was filling with people, soon the seats were full, and room was filled with cheering and excitement. The lights soon went down, and the screams got louder, music started and as the spotlight hit the stage, James appeared. He starts his first song and the sounds of the screams were almost deafening, after the fifth song James stopped to talk to the crowd. "Hello everyone, it's so good to be back in London... look at you all... hi... I love being here, I really do. As you all know, I was born not too far from here in a little place called Dartford. I say me but I also have a sister and two brothers who were also born there too, of course my two younger siblings were born in Kentucky and Florida... well tonight, I thought I'd give you guys a little treat. Now this is just for you guys, please can you welcome to the stage someone who is literally one half of me... Tomas Littrell!!" the crowd screamed as the music started up; as he started to sing Tom walked onto the stage and joined him in the song.

At the end of the show, James rushed off the stage and into a room where he takes his shirt off and sits in front a fan to cool down. "You alright?" "Yeah, I just need to cool myself down." "If it helps... thank you for inviting me here tonight, I had a great time; I can't believe the buzz, I can't believe I missed it." "You never thought of going back to it?" "If I wasn't your identical twin brother then I would have, if I did, then people would get confused about who was who." James' mobile starts to ring, he looked at the screen. "Do you mind if I take this call in private?" "Yeah sure." Tom walked outside but stood by the door to listen. "Boo! Is he in there?" "Yeah, he's just getting changed." "And he kicked you out? He does know you have the same body, right?" "Yeah, he's always been like that when it came to changing." "The show was awesome by the way; dad was surprised to see you." "Good for him... where is he?" "He's still in the box with Donna and Uncle Nick." "Well I'll be leaving once he's dressed." "Are you staying at a hotel?" "No, I have other arrangements... Jim are you ready yet?" "You can come in." they walked into the room. "Hey Pippin, did you enjoy the show?" "As usual, yes. Everyone enjoyed seeing you both up on stage, especially dad." "Well on that note I am going to make my way home?" said Tom. "Okay, why aren't you staying?" "I am so not up for that right now; I will make my own way back to the apartment and I'll see you in a few hours; if I'm still awake." "Okay brother." "See you later Pip." Tom walked out of the changing room and back to the apartment.

He walked through the door and took off his arm, placing it on the table he walked into the bathroom and ran the shower. After walking into his bedroom and taking off his clothes, Tom made his way back towards the bathroom. Suddenly, a light came on in the kitchen, so he goes to investigate. "Hello... Jim? Are you home? I thought you'd be ages yet; if I'd have known I would have waited... for... you." A woman was stood in the kitchen. "Who are you and how did you get in?" "Hi... wait, you're not James. You look a lot like him but you're not him." "No, I'm his twin brother, Tom." "I can tell that... you might want to cover up." "Two minutes." He ran into the bathroom, turning off the shower and putting on his clothes, Tom walked back to the kitchen. "I'm sorry about that... Who are you?" "I'm Emily." "Okay, why are you in my brothers' apartment?" "I have a key, I'm not a crazed fan. He knows I'm here because he asked me to meet him here, but he never mentioned you." "He didn't mention you either... were you looking for something in particular?" "I was going to make a coffee, but James doesn't have any." "He wouldn't, he can't drink coffee." Emily picked up Toms arm from the table. "Can you please put that down." "I didn't know what it was, I'm sorry I didn't even realize." He reattached his arm. "Now that's very cool." "Yeah... so, how do you know my brother?" "We met in a café; it was about a year ago now; I was working as a waitress. We just got talking and that was it, he just understood me you know." "You're that close but you had no idea who I was, and you had no idea that he couldn't drink coffee? Why did he give you a key?" "We spend time together when he comes over here." A baby started to cry in the next bedroom. "Excuse me, she's due her feed." Emily walked into the bedroom. Tom took out his phone and messaged James. 'U BEST GET HERE SOON; WE HAVE SOMETHING WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT- T'. James soon replied. 'ON MY WAY, HOW SERIOUS A TALK WE HAVING? DO I NEED BODYARMOUR? LOL- J' 'YOU'LL SEE WEN YOU GET HERE-T'. He put his phone in his pocket and walked into the bedroom. "Oh Jesus, I am so sorry." He turned around. "You don't have to be like that, it's natural you know." "I know, my girlfriend breast fed our son, but it's completely inappropriate for me to be looking at your breasts." "And there was me, hoping you were single." "Sorry." "You can turn around now; I am decent." He turned around. "You may look like James, but you really are completely different." "We are our own person... cute kid by the way." "Thank you, it's been a struggle but with James here it makes things much easier." "Does my brother give you money?" "I never ask him for anything, he just helps us out when we need it." "I guess he's good like that." "He is." "James is on his way back." "Yay did you hear that, he's on his way home." "Will you excuse me." Tom walked out of the room, he walked out of the apartment and down into the foyer.

Fifteen minutes later James arrived back. "Hey T... well it must be serious if you've come all the way down here to meet me." "How could you be so stupid?" "I've always wondered that myself, I'm still yet to find out the answer to that question... I don't know, what is it that I've done?" "Your bit on the side and her daughter are upstairs making themselves at home." "Oh." "Is that it? Just oh?" "I'm trying to think of something to say, anyway you have some explaining to do too. Running away every time Dad is mentioned." "That's nothing like your situation, cheating on your wife." "No, I know, but it would still be nice to have some answers." "You first." "Well I think the situation speaks for itself, except the baby isn't mine. With you the whole problem with dad even has dad confused." "I can't see why he would be confused about it, it's pretty simple to understand." "Well you'll have plenty of time to talk about it, he's flying to Florida in a few days." "So, will you, will you be bringing Emily with you?" "Hell no, do you know how many problems that will cause?" "Don't you think her being here now is enough? I thought you and Chrissy were tight." "We are, this was just a glitch." "Wow, a glitch, really?" "Look, right now we've both acted and are still acting like a pair of dumb fucks... so I think for the remainder of this evening, we should just chill out, light up a few fun sticks and sort all of our shit out in the morning." "That's your answer to everything." "It works, doesn't it?" "You know I haven't done that shit in a long time, don't you?" "Bullshit, dude I know you, so don't give me that shit." "I haven't and it's probably for good reason, it's probably why you ended up with Emily and a daughter." "I think you may be correct." He laughed. "Let's get upstairs, I still need to have a shower." "Me too... you wanna share?" he laughed. "Dude no! that's gross!" "Never bothered you when we were ten." "Well we're not ten anymore." They got into the lift and made their way back up to the apartment.

Sunday 21/9/2032

A few days later and the plane landed in Florida. "Now this is a holiday, look at the sunshine." Smiled Pippin. "Grace is coming over to spend some time with you, I think she has a few shopping trips planned for you." "So, you know what that means daddy?" "I need to buy another wardrobe, why don't we get to Nicks before we start discussing money." "Okay." "Kerry is really excited to see you, I know she's missed you because she keeps texting me every five minutes to see where we are." "Then let's get a move on, can't leave her waiting." They made their way to the car park.

Walking into the house there's a scream of excitement from upstairs, a little before Kerry appeared. "There you are, oh Pippin you look so grown up... you really look like your mum." "I hope that's a good thing?" "Of course, it is... and you Mr. Littrell, you never change and if I could say to you exactly what's in my head, then I think Nick would divorce me." she chuckled. "Well we'll have to wait till Nick isn't here then, won't we?" he smiled. "See you never change." "Neither do you, you look amazing as usual." "See Nick, compliments." "You're here five minutes and you've already got her eating out of your hand." "I can't help that." "Anyway boys, I thought we could go out for some dinner tonight, we don't want to be stuck in here all day, do we?" "I think that sounds like a good idea, I will need to freshen up first and get changed out of my travelling clothes." "Of course, you know where everything is?" "Yep, thank you." Brian carried his and Pippin's suitcases upstairs and they went into their rooms.

He sat on his bed and looked around his room, the door opened, and Pippin walked in. "Are you okay dad?" "Yeah baby, are you okay?" "Yeah, I was just worried about you... I know that being here is still difficult for you." "I'll be fine, are you happy to be here?" "Yeah, I can't wait to see Grace... I promise to behave myself while I'm here." "Didn't you behave yourself when we're back home?" "Yes, I did." "I know I don't show it, but I do like Andy. You need understand that you're my baby girl and I will always worry about you, just don't rush to grow up." "I just want you to get to know him a bit more." "I promise I will try when we get home." "Good, would you like me to make you a cup of coffee?" "No, I'm going to jump in the shower." "Okay, I will leave you to do that and I will see you downstairs in a bit." Pippin left the room. Brian took a few things out of his bag, including a photo in a frame which he placed on the table next to his bed. He picked up his towel and made his way to the bathroom.

Kerry walked up the stairs, Brian was singing to himself in the shower, so she stood and listened for a while until the water stopped. She quickly ran to her room, as he walked out of the bathroom and toward his room Kerry walked out of hers. "Oops, I'm sorry... how was your shower?" "It was just what I needed, where are we going tonight? I want to make sure I dress right." "Well you won't need a suit, so smart casual will do." "So, a shirt and jeans are fine?" "Yep." Brian walked into his bedroom and Kerry noticed the picture on the bedside table. "That was a great day, you two look so happy in that photo." "One of my favorites... do you mind if I get dressed?" Kerry turns around. "I thought we could go out for drinks after the meal, make a night of it?" "Yeah, sounds like fun." "Good because I have a friend..." "Wow, now why wasn't I expecting that?" "I know you've always said you're not interested, but it doesn't hurt to try." "You know I'm happy as I am." "I know, just meet her and see how it goes." "Fine, I will meet her. Just don't expect anything from it, don't forget I have my daughter here, so I need to be on my best behavior." "She's ten and she's staying over at Lacey's tonight, she'll be helping with Noah." "So, you already planned the whole evening?" "Yes... are you dressed?" "Yes." She turned back around. "Come on, you seriously can't be upset with me, you know you need this night out." "I'm not upset, it's just been a long time since I dated anyone." "You will be fine; you look great in all ways. I'm sure there will be plenty of women who'd date you." "You would say that, I know you've always had a thing for me." he smiled. "No, you know I only have eyes for my Nick. You're just the sweet shop window my friend, everything is good for looking but I won't be touching. That's why I can hold myself back when you're stood in front of me, in your underpants." "Sweet shop huh?" "Yes, but I have enough of my own sugar, I don't need anymore. Now it's time to re-open that sweet shop and let someone else see what you have to offer." "You do say the strangest things, like the whole rollercoaster talk we had. It was odd but in a strange way it made sense and you helped through the toughest time in my life... thank you for that." "There's no need to thank me at all." Brian sat down on the bed; Kerry looked at him as he sighed to himself. "You know, when I put my home up for sale... when I put them both up for sale... I thought I was ready to move on with that part of my life, I thought I was ready to start fresh. Moving to the UK, I thought would be good for Pippin, she could connect with her mom's roots. To be honest, for me it's not been that easy... I just spent my days walking, swimming or working out just so I don't have to sit and think about it. I know it's been almost seven years but deep down I don't think I'm over it, I don't know when I'm supposed to be over it or if I ever will be. I still expect her to walk through the door or see her in the street." "I really couldn't answer that, I haven't had to go through anything like that... If I had, then I'd probably be the same, wishing he was still with me." "I have asked God for help; I am on so many pills I rattle like a castanet when I run... Maybe you're right, maybe tonight is what I need to get me where I need to be. You never know but it may even help me build bridges with my kids again." "What are you on about? Your kids love you, what are you on about building bridges? Have you spoken to them recently?" "Most of them, one way or another, but Tom won't talk to me. I saw him at the show the other day, he sang on stage with James and it was amazing. I haven't heard him sing in such a long time, so to hear him was a proud moment for me." he smiled. "There it is, your kids mean the world to you and I can see that every time you talk about them; you can't help but smile... whatever's up Tom's bum is his problem and it will get sorted out, you know he's always been a stubborn boy and he's also very sensitive; you two need to sit down and talk." "I would love to, but he keeps running away from me." "You leave him to me, you two will talk before you leave, believe me... right, well you look like you're all ready to go. I best go and put on some make-up and get changed." "I thought you already had make-up on." "I already told you, no... you save that sugar for tonight Mr. Charm pants." "Go, go get ready, I'll go and annoy Nick for a while." "Good idea." Brian walked down the stairs and Kerry walked into her bedroom.

After dropping Pippin off at Lacey's, they made their way to the restaurant, they sat down at the table and ordered their drinks. "A whisky?" asked Nick. "It's for the nerves." "You don't have to be nervous, she's really nice." "Did you set him up on a date?" asked Nick. "Yes, and so what? You can't tell me Brian doesn't need someone." "I am right here Kerry." "She should be here any minute, so be nice." "Who did you set him up with?" "Khloe." "Khloe? Isn't she the one with the big..." "Stop it, don't worry Brian, she is lovely." "I hope you're right." Kerry gets a text on her phone. "Yay she's here." "I'm just going to the bathroom." Brian gets up and walk off towards the bathroom. "She's scared him off already, do you really think this is a good idea?" "Yes, I do, now stop it." Khloe walked over and sat down. "Hi guys, so... where is he? I can't wait to meet him." "He's in the bathroom, he's looking forward to meeting you too. I set this up for tonight, but I only told him an hour ago, so he may be a little shy or act strange." "He hasn't dated anyone in seven years, Kerry didn't tell you that part?" "Wow, that's a long time... wait is he ugly? Does he have something wrong with him?" "No, he's just not been interested in the idea of a new relationship with anyone... anyway, she I get you a drink?" "A large white wine will be amazing, thank you, Nick." Nick walked to the bar.

Brian walked out of the toilet and checked himself in the mirror in the hallway, looking behind him he spots a lady who walks past him that looked familiar. As he walked into the dining room, he looked around to see if he could find her again before sitting down. "Are you okay?" asked Kerry. "Yeah, I'm fine." "Khloe this is Brian." "Hi, it's nice to finally meet you, we were just talking about you." "All good I hope?" "Yes, all good." "Shall we order some food?" said Kerry.

They ordered their food and talked about things in general, but Brian was preoccupied. "So, Brian, I have talked about myself all night; why don't you tell me about yourself." "Well, I have a big family." "Brian has six kids." Said Kerry. "Wow, six? Really? That sounds like a lot of hard work, your ex-wife must have been very busy?" He looked at Kerry then at Khloe. "Yeah, well anyway, they are the best bunch of kids in the world." "What are their names?" "Teddy, Scott, Tomas, James, Rian and Pippin." "Teddy? That's a strange name?" "His daughter is called Jen; Brian just prefers to call her Teddy." "Oh, okay. I know James Littrell, my daughter listens to him all the time." "You have a daughter?" "Yes, her name is Amelia, she's studying to be a doctor. Other than James, what do your kids do?" "Teddy works in a nursery; she looks after little kids. Scott plays basketball for the Kentucky Wildcats, Tomas is a realtor, he sells high end homes. Rian used to be in the army, he then went on to be an underwear model and now he's a pastor in our local church and Pippin is my baby, she's ten and still in school." "Wow, she's very young." "Yeah, she was our unexpected surprise." "So, it seems, your kids are very lucky to have a dad like you." "Brian smiled a little, but his gaze wandered onto the woman he spotted earlier, Nick spotted his wandering gaze. "So, Brian, what shall we do tomorrow? We should go and visit Noah; I know he'd love to see you." He tapped Brian's foot under the table. "What?" "I said we should see Noah tomorrow." "Yeah, sounds like a good idea." "Who is Noah?" asked Khloe. "He's our grandson, Brian hasn't seen him for some time. As he's here for a few days we will be visiting him, it'll be fun." "You don't live here then?" "No, well, I used to. I now live in England." "What made you move there?" "I wanted Pippin to know her mother more." "It's a bit of a way to move, why did your ex move to England?" "She was from the UK originally, she moved to Florida with me not long after we had the triplets... you know, I think I need another drink." He stood up and walked over to the bar, he ordered a double whisky which he chugged back before ordering another.

He turned around and looked over at the other table, the woman stood up and was making her way to the exit. As she reached the door, he caught her eye, she put her hood up and walked outside. After thinking about it he made his way out after her, as he walked onto the pathway the woman had vanished.

They watched as Brian walked out. "I'll go and see if he's okay, I feel like it might have been my fault." Said Khloe. She walked outside. "Are you okay? Did I put my foot in it? I shouldn't have kept on about your ex, I just don't know why she'd leave someone like you." "Did Kerry tell you nothing about me? I don't have an ex, my wife died... my daughter never knew her mom, that's why we moved to London. I wanted her to see where her mom came from, I haven't dated anyone for the past seven because I haven't found anyone I have feelings for, like I did for her... she was my world, my best friend and my every breath. I know Kerry had good intentions and everything, you are a very nice woman, but I am still struggling to move on... please don't think that I want you to leave because I don't. I actually like your company, even if I'm not interested in a relationship." "I completely understand, if you really want me to stay then I will, and I promise not to talk about your wife." "Thank you." They both walk back into the restaurant.

The evening went well, and they had a good laugh, soon they made their way back home and off to bed. Brian found it hard to sleep, he paced the bedroom for a while before sitting and looking out of the window. After five minutes, he walked down the stairs and into the kitchen and made himself a glass of water, Kerry walked through the door. "It's you, I thought we had a burglar, you okay?" I'm just having trouble sleeping... I have a million things running around in my head." "Did you take your medication?" "That's the thing, I have. That's why I can't work out what happened at the restaurant." "Tell Kerry." "She was there, the whole time, just a few tables down. I know she couldn't have been because if she was, she wouldn't just walk by me, would she? But she was there." "Who?" "Please don't think I'm crazy but Linzi was there, she saw me, she looked right at me." Kerry wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. "Am I losing it? I know she was there; she was there just as much as you are now. She was with some friends and she was just as I pictured her to be." "Hun, I think you need to talk to someone." "I don't need to talk to someone, I'm talking to you." "I don't even know how to help you." "You are helping me, just being here and listening is helping... I guess that's what I've been missing, someone to talk to. You know me you know every small thing that's happened in my life, you're my family." "Then don't you think that here is where you need to be, I don't mean I my house but here in America with the rest of your family. Maybe that's what she's trying to tell you." "The amount of time that I have laid there and thought about it, I've spent so many years running from memories that I don't think I spent the time embracing them, realizing how important they really are. I look at all my kids and how proud I am of them all... and you know deep down my kids have achieved so much, none of that was anything to do with what I'd done, I was hardly ever at home to have had any sort of influence on their lives. My kids have grown into the adults there are today because of their mother, the one person who taught them that it's okay to be who you are and do what you want to do. I just gave them shelter and faith, she gave them life and love." "You have given them all of those things over the past seven years, you have brought that gorgeous girl up on your own. She is you and she is someone to be proud of, I'm proud of you." "I really need to talk to Tom tomorrow; I just want to hug him and tell him that I really love him and appreciate him. I want to tell him how proud I am of him and everything that he's done with his life. I sat and listened to him sing the other day and I never got to tell him how amazing he was, so I will make sure that I tell him." "Good because I think that's something that he'll like to hear, he also could do with a little reassurance from his dad that he's a good dad too. I have seen him when he gets frustrated with himself, he thinks that nobody has seen him, but I can tell. Noah is a handful and even though Tomas puts on a very good act, I know that Noah can be too much for him sometimes. So, to hear you tell him that he's a good dad will mean a lot." "He is a good dad and I will make sure he knows that." "Good." "I'd better go back to bed, I'm sorry that I woke you." "There's no need to say sorry, I think in a way I knew you might need me." "Thank you." "Now go to bed." "I am, goodnight Keggy." "Goodnight." After a quick hug, they made their way back to their rooms.

Monday 22/ 9/ 2032

The next morning Brian was already up and ready to go. "Good morning, daddy. Did you miss your daughter that much?" chuckled Nick. "After last night and talking to Kerry, I really need to talk to Tom." "Cool, let me throw on something and I'll drive you over there. I'm guessing you had one of your deep and meaningful chats?" "Yeah, she helped me see things a little bit clearer and I think it's helped me make some decisions in my life." "Are they good decisions." "I hope so, I will find out soon enough." "Cool, let me go and get changed and we can make a start." Nick walked upstairs and after a short while they made their way to Tom and Lacey's home.

Brian was dropped off at the top of the driveway and he made his way to the front door of the house. Ringing the doorbell, he took a step back and waited for someone to open the door. Tom opened the door and looked at him. "Dad, I wasn't expecting you." "I know, that was kind of the plan... can I come in?" "Yeah, sure, come on in." Brian walked into the hallway and Tom closed the door. "Lacey, we have a guest, come on through and have a seat, Noah is having a nap at the minute." "Hopefully, he'll wake up soon so I can see him... I've actually come to see you, to talk to you." "Yeah sure." Lacey walked through the door." "Well, hello stranger, long time no see and your looking good." "Thank you, you're looking good too, your mom and dad will be over later." "Awesome, my mom can't keep away from Noah." "Babe, me and my dad are just going to go into the conservatory." Oh okay, I'll go and make some drinks." Lacey walked into the kitchen and Tom and Brian go into the conservatory.

Brian looked around. "This place has changed." "Well a lot seems to do that over three years." "That's was what I wanted to talk to you about." "This should be good." "I was wrong, about everything. I thought that I was over everything that happened, but I guess I wasn't. I thought I knew what I wanted to do when I came to selling the house..." "We knew you were wrong, that's why we bought it... you were just going to throw away all of those memories because you wanted rid of yours, you didn't think for one minute that it wasn't just your memories you were getting rid of and running away from... I'm a dad now dad, I have a seven-year-old son and I should have had my dad around to help me out, but I didn't." "I am so sorry about that, I didn't realize how much I hurt you, all of you. Now being back here has made me realize that I didn't have anything to run away from or be scared about." "You would have realized that quicker if you had stayed, or even come over and visited earlier, Noah wouldn't have missed out on having you for a grandpa." "Well I want to do that more; I want him to know that I'm there for him when he needs me." "How are you going to do that when you live four thousand miles away?" "That's the thing, I've decided to stay, move back home. I haven't told Pip yet and I can't see that going down too well." "Why? I thought she would love the idea of being back here again." "Yeah usually she would, she has a boyfriend." "Oh, well I'm sure she'll find a boyfriend here." "I'll let you tell her that... I was surprised to see you in London, even more surprised when you started to sing with James. I haven't heard you sing like that in a long time, I want to tell you that I am so proud of you. I felt pride in every word that you sang and I really had to hold back the tears and the fact that I wanted to shout out and tell everyone that you were my boys." "A little pointless as I think they all know that already, the clues in the name." "Even so, that's what I wanted to do. I guess that was the beginning of my turning point in my life, I missed you kids, and I missed the life we had before." "Are you sure you're ready to go back?" "Yeah, to be honest it was a stupid idea to run away in the first place. I realized that the one thing I was running away from I could never run away from; it would always be with me no matter where I went." "You know the house has enough space in it if you wanted to move back in? Rian lives there and he's hardly ever there. It will be nice to hear laughter in the halls again and music in all the rooms." "It sure would." "Maybe we could take Noah and go visit the house, what do you say?" "Sure, why not... I am sorry that I upset you guys, I really didn't want to do that." "You didn't upset me, I just found it hard to understand what you were going through. On the plane over here, me and Jim had a talk about things. We had a good heart to heart, and he made me realize that I needed to grow up and get over it." "Telling you to get over it is a bit harsh; you haven't done anything wrong. I should have come to you guys and explained what was going on and how I was feeling." "I think we should have just thought about it more, since I've been with Lacey and had Noah I get where you're coming from. I've known her all of my life and I don't know what I would do without her." "Guaranteed she thinks the same thing, you do a lot for her too." "No, I really don't, I'm not very good at this dad thing, not like you." "Kerry said you'd been struggling." "She told you that?" "You shouldn't be ashamed to ask for help when you need it." "This coming from you?" "I've learnt from my mistakes... boy, you used to amaze your mom and me when you were little, nothing would stop you from doing what you wanted to do. Being a dad is just another one of those hurdles, you will work on it in your own way. I felt the same way when you and your brothers came along, I didn't know how I was going to cope with three boys at once." "But you have two hands, I don't; well you can't count this one because its mechanical." "Yeah, I had two hands but three boys and a daughter. Trying to control James's seizures and remembering if I had given you your medication, or if I'd changed your nappies before I fed you... I know that you can do it, just think when he's older and he starts school; he'll be telling all of his friends how cool his dad is because he has a cool robot arm." You think?" "I know he will." "Thanks." "Hey, are you going to be singing at James's show over here?" "I don't know, it would be nice, and we do have songs on the new album." "You guys should do it, and I think the fans over would go crazy for it; I know I can't wait to see you guys together again." "You'd have to sweet talk Jim into letting me do that." "I'm sure I can do that." Brian looked at Tom and started to smile. "What are you smiling about?" "You, how did I manage to bring up a son like you? And when did you get so smart?" "I climbed a tree with one arm remember?" "I know that, I was there, and you almost gave me and your mom a heart attack... I'm just trying to work out when you all grew up. All of you kids have always been my kids and seeing you all now, I can see that you're not a boy anymore but a man." "It took you long enough... you did a good job bringing us up, helping us to become who we all are. I spent a long time trying to understand why everyone wasn't that worried when you just put everything up for sale and moved away. I know that everything was up in the air and my life was changing, I think that was one of the reasons why I didn't understand what you were going through. As I said before, I look at Noah and I would protect him from everything that will cause him upset or harm. Now I know that that's all you were trying to do, and I respect you for that." "Thank you... is Pippin still here?" "She was upstairs with Noah and Lacey; she's waiting for Grace to arrive." "I must go over and see AJ and Laura while I'm here." "I know, they would love to see you too." "Then I will do that." "Why don't I make us a cup of coffee?" They walk into the kitchen.

The front door opens. "I'm here! See I told you they wouldn't be excited about that... Grace has arrived people!" Pippin ran down the stairs and hugged Grace before they walked back upstairs. "Yay James... she just never misses her brother." "Maybe you're just not that miss able." Smiled Lacey. "Ha, ha, where's my minute older brother?" "He's in the kitchen with your dad." "Are they still alive?" "As far as I know, they seem to be sorting things out." "That's good." "So, where's Chrissy and the kids?" "No idea, I'm flying solo for a few days. They should be at the next show, so you can catch up with them then." "I will do." "I'm going to see if it's safe." "Go ahead." James walked into the kitchen. "Here I am!" "Yes, you are." Chuckled Tom. "You know you missed this handsome face... well not you, but dad." "I have no idea how to react to that, as far as I know you're still identical, but it if it makes you feel good then yes, I missed you." Brian laughed. "Anyway, Grace is upstairs." James jumped up and sat on the countertop, Tom gave him a glare and he slowly got down again. "Chill out dude, I'll sit on a chair like a good boy." "Your mom used to hate me doing that too, she used to do that look at me, sometimes she knew when I was thinking about doing it and she would look at me and say, 'Don't you even dare.'" "Now, you weren't allowed to sit on the worktop when mom was home, but when you weren't home, she would sit on the countertop." "Oh, she did, did she?" "Yeah, especially when AJ came over." "Jim shut up." Tom starred at him. "Am I missing something?" "No, James just needs to think before he speaks." "I know AJ would come over sometimes, but I always knew about it." "Then that's okay... shall we go and visit home then?" "You two can go do that, I have to get to the arena and rehearse for tonight. T I have put in the routine we did in London; there's no rush just turn up at the arena later and we'll go over the routine and do soundchecks." "Oh okay." "Well that saved me a job of asking him for you." "I knew you enjoyed it, and you said that you never had the bug." "I don't, doesn't mean I don't like to have a good sing along now and then." "Why don't you just drop me at the house and you guys can go and rehearse together, I don't need a babysitter and I know my way around the house I lived in for twenty-seven years." "If you're sure?" "Yes, you two don't have to worry about me." "Well okay then, let me just go and get my shoes on then we can go." Tom walked out of the kitchen. "So, what was it that you were saying about your mom and AJ?" "No idea, hey it was ages ago and you know what my memory is like, all these seizures over the years. I was probably just mixed up; I know about the thing with Uncle Nick but Uncle AJ? I think I just get confused." "I hope so... wait, what with Nick?" "Relax dad, mom loved you always and nothing could change that." "Shall we go then." Said Tom putting on his jacket. "Good idea." James rushed out of the door.

After dropping Brian at the house, James and Tom made their way to the arena. Brian walked through the gates and up the pathway to the house, opening the front door he walked into the entrance hall and took a few moments to himself. "It's strange being back here, I keep expecting you to walk through the door or down the stairs, greeting me with that smile like you used to do. I can feel you right now and it's like you're stood here with me, like your arms are around me... well I'm home baby." He walked into the living room and looked around the room, everything was in the same place as it was when he left, he picked up a photo from the mantelpiece and walked into the garden. Sitting down on a chair he looked out on the lake, he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, it's just me." smiled Kerry. "How long have you been here?" "About five minutes before you turned up, I didn't want to scare you and I knew you might want a minute to yourself." "Did you hear me?" "I'd be lying if I said I didn't... it was nice to hear." "I didn't even know anyone was here... I guess Tomas rang you?" "Yes, he did, bless him even though you said you'd be okay on your own, he thought you might need someone." "Did he tell you that I'm moving back here?" "He did and I think it's great, it'll be good to spend time together like we used to." "I might redecorate the place, maybe upgrade the furniture a little. I thought about switching rooms... I know it sounds like I'm trying to change way too much, I just need to start over fresh." "Good idea, did you sort things out with Tom?" "Yeah, we had a good talk about everything. Now I'm going to have a very grumpy daughter, once she finds out that we're not going home." "I thought she would be excited to come back." "Normally she would be, but she has a boyfriend back home; he's called Andy. I know that she won't want to leave him." "She never mentioned a boy... bless her she's ten, she's a young lady Brian." "I know." "You need to talk to her and tell her, she may just surprise you." "When don't my kids surprise me?" she sat down next to him and held his hand. "You missed this place, didn't you?" "Always... (He smiled) you know, I drove past the apartment that I first bought for Linzi and Jen the other day. A few things have changed since then, but it was still as I remembered it. I even spent some time cleaning and tidying Juniors' graveside, we talked... well I did and I was comforted by his short memory and how much love I had for him... can you hold down the fort for a few minutes?" "Yeah sure, I'll be here for you when you get back." "Thank you." He made his way through the house and after a short walk down the road he made his way to the cemetery.

He picked a rose from a near bush before heading over to the graveside. "Hey, don't you start, I know I picked it but if you don't tell anyone then neither will I. (He placed the rose in front of the gravestone.) I know what you're thinking, I should have come here and yeah, I know I should have come here sooner... hey, Pippin now has a boyfriend; he's called Andy. What do I do with that? I have no idea how I'm supposed to be, I know we went through it all with Teddy, but I knew her now husband. What do I think about him? He's okay, I really do like him, just don't tell Pip I said that. Although I don't think I'll be the world's best dad when I'll have to break the news to her... I've decided that I need to come home, okay you can say 'I told you so'. England is a great place; it's filled with all the fun memories that we shared but it's just too far away from my family and you... I've missed talking to you. I can't stay too long; I've left poor Kerry on her own at the house... I want to say a quick prayer for you before I leave, is that okay?" he took a step backwards and bowing his head and closing eyes he said a quick and quiet prayer.

As he made his way back up towards the gates he looked up and spotted the woman he'd seen at the restaurant the night before, he sped up his walking as she started walking away and disappearing around the corner. Confused he made his way back towards the house.

Walking into the house, he made his way to the downstairs toilet and threw up. "Are you okay in there?" "Yep, all good." "You want to talk about it?" "Not now." "Okay, I'll make you a coffee." Kerry walked into the kitchen. "He's back then?" "Yes, where's Noah?" "He's in the living room with Lacey." "Do you want a coffee? I'm making one for Brian anyway." "Yes please." Brian walked into the kitchen. "Did you have a nice walk?" "Yeah, thank you. It was very strange, but I feel good for doing it, look I messed up last night with your friend. Why don't you invite her to James's next show? She can bring her daughter." "I'll ask her." "So, are you interested in her?" "I only met her yesterday, I need more time." "I understand that." "It's so exciting." Smiled Kerry. "What's all the chatting? I've been in the other room for ages." Smiled Lacey. "Sorry, that would be my fault; where's Noah?" "He's in the other room playing with his cars." "I best go and say hello." He walked into the next room and Noah ran over to him.

He picked him up in his arms. "Hello, look at you, my big boy. You like playing with cars? I know where there are loads of cars that you can play with; shall we go and find them?" Noah nodded excitedly. "Come on then." He carried him up the stairs and into one of the rooms, opening one of the cupboards he takes out a box, placing it on the floor Noah opened it. "Look at all of those cars, they used to belong to your daddy and your uncles. They loved playing with cars too, now they're all grown up and they don't play with them." "It has trucks." "The trucks are the best, why don't we take these downstairs and you can play with them. Maybe if we can convince mommy, she might let you take them home, how about that?" "Yes." "Let's go and show mommy." Noah followed behind as Brian carried them down the stairs. "There you two are and what have you got?" "Grampa gave me some cars." "I can see." "He can take them home, if that's okay with you?" "He'll love them." "I think my boys have outgrown them; I think Noah will appreciate them more." "Thank you, Brian, that's lovely and it will keep Noah quiet for ages." "Quiet? Oh no, we don't do quiet... in this house we only do noise, we do screaming, laughing, and singing." "Well that's good because Noah knows how to do loud a lot." "Definitely a Littrell then." "He's half Carter don't forget." "Oh no, Noah did you hear that? You're half Carter, we'll just pretend we never heard that." "Enough you." Smiled Lacey "Do you mind if I go upstairs?" "It's your house, you don't have to ask." Brian left the living room and walk upstairs.

He opened the bedroom door and with a smile he looked around the room, jumping up onto the bed he looked up at the ceiling. The door opened. "Hey Rian." "Hey dad, were you expecting someone else? You had that look on your face." "No, I was just realizing how comfy this bed was." "I think everyone knows how comfy that bed is, there are six of us." "As a netter of fact... actually forget that." "I will thank you... gross." He sat down on the bed next to Brian. "You're looking good, how have you been? Kerry said you were moving back in?" "Yeah, is that okay?" "Of course, this house can get a little too quiet sometimes." "I thought a young man like you would have been having parties every night?" "You would think that, but no. I think this place missed you too much to let me party in it, I know me and the boys bought it but Jim is always away, Scott lives in Kentucky, Tom has his own place and this place is a lot for just me rattling around in it. I'm glad you're moving back in." "It's good to be home again." "Does that mean we get to do a moving in party?" "Maybe, I'll think about it. First, we are attending James' concert tomorrow." "You know I'm there; I am going to let you enjoy the comfort of your bed while I go and terrorize Noah." Rian left the room and walked down the stairs.

Over at the arena Tom is dancing around while James does a soundcheck. "They should dress you in all black you know, then you could be the perfect shadow." "And who let you in?" asked James. "It wasn't that hard, they took one look at me and thought I was you." Smiled Scott. "Funny, that happens to me too." Laughed Tom. "Why are you up there anyway?" "You'll have to come to the show tomorrow and see." "Are there no spare parts for your oldest brother?" "You know this is my show, right? I will see what I can do, but it will only be for one song." "I can live with that." "Does dad know you're here?" "He has no idea; I didn't even know dad was over here." "Well he is, and he has decided to move back home." Said Tom. "Wow, really? I hope he won't want my house back; Cass and the kids love it." "I think you'll be safe; he only wants the house here back... where are the kids anyway?" "We're staying at a hotel not far from here." "Awesome, well as dad doesn't find out that you're here then you should definitely join us tomorrow." "Sounds like a plan, so where do we start?" Scott joined them on stage, and they started rehearsals.

Tuesday 23/09/2032

The next morning Laura woke up early, she looked over at AJ who was fast asleep. "AJ wake up. We need to get up and get organized, we have things to do." "It's still early." "I know but we have a plane to catch and a daughter to collect." "Can't she just stay there?" "No and anyway we have tickets to see James tonight." "We have tickets?" "You know what I mean, it will be nice to go out and see the family." "You know I still find it weird when I think that James is your nephew and my son-in-law, he's also your son-in-law too as we're married." "I have an idea, why don't you stop thinking about random crap and get dressed." "Yes mom." Laura walked into the bathroom while AJ got dressed.

A little while later they were on their way to Nick and Kerry's, Laura was dancing in her seat. "Are you okay doing that?" "I'm having fun and I'm still young enough to have fun." "You're forty-seven." "So, you're fifty-four and you still dance around the kitchen. Brian's fifty-seven and he still works out in the gym... so I can dance in my car." "That's fair enough." "I can't wait for my huggles from Noah, I'm still waiting for Devon and Steven to make me a nanny." "You actually want to be a nanny?" "Yes, it will be nice to be able to enjoy spending time with the grandchildren before we get too old." "We have grandchildren already, aren't the five we have enough?" "No." she chuckled. "It's just nice to have a baby in the family." "It would, but I'm not going to rush my boys. I'm sure they'll get around to it eventually... it's going to be nice to see Pippin again, I know Grace couldn't wait." "It's been ages since we saw her, she's probably changed a lot." "She's ten, so I would think she has." "Ten? Where does all the time go?" "If only we knew." Lolly continues driving.

They soon arrive at Nick's. "Oh, I just got a text and they want us to go Rian's house." "Rian's? it's been ages since we've been there, I wonder if it's changed since Brian lived there?" "We'll soon find out." Laura started the car and after an hour's drive they arrived at the house.

They park up outside and walk up to the door, after a few knocks the door is soon opened. "Hello, you two, you made it then?" smiled Kerry. "We sure did, why did you want us to come here? I thought we were meeting at your place?" asked AJ. "I know, but we had a change of plans this morning. Come on in and I'll put the kettle on." They walked into the house. "Uncle AJ!" smiled Rian. "Hey Rian, are you on your way out?" "Yeah, I have to get to the gym before work. Grace is still upstairs with Pippin, and I think there's someone upstairs that you might want to see." "There is?" "Yep, right, I am off. I will see y'all later people." Rian left the house and Laura made her way to join Kerry and Nick in the kitchen while AJ walked up the stairs.

He looked in each of the rooms until he reached the main bedroom, he knocked twice before opening the door and walking in. "Hello... anyone here." Brian walked out of the wardrobe. "I am." "Brian? Well I wasn't expecting to see you in that wardrobe." "I wasn't expecting to see you either, how are you?" "I'm good, look at you, how are you doing?" "I'm okay, getting there slowly. I'll be better once all of my belongings arrive here." "You're moving back? Where are you moving too?" "Here, this house." "That's great news." "I'm excited about it, I haven't told Pip yet though, but I will do." "I'm sure she'll love to be back here." "Now, you would think that, but she has a boyfriend back in England. I don't think that the idea will go down too well, she'll probably hate me." "Ah, I see... our Pippin baby is already seeing boys? Wow, really?" "Yeah." "That's crazy." "Hey, talking of boyfriends, I have a question for you." "Okay." "I was talking to Jim and Tomas about counter tops when they mentioned something about you and Linzi." "Okay." "Did you ever kiss her in a romantic way?" "Are you kidding me? why would he say something like that?" "I have no idea, I'm guessing whatever this was, was just after you left Jen. It must have been something because Tom wasn't really denying his claim." "You know what, yeah I did, once. I promise you; it was stupid, and I was going through everything with Jen and the divorce. I kissed her and she told me to never do it again, she made it very clear that she was yours and nobody was going to change that." "Okay." "Is that it? Just okay?" "Dude, she's been dead for seven years, relax, it's not a problem." "That's good then, you had me scared... so, are you coming to the show tonight?" "Yeah, I wouldn't miss it for the world, and I have a date tonight too." "How are you going to be in two places at once?" "I'm not, she's coming to the show." "Well, that's a turn up for the books. I can't wait to meet this lady, what's her name?" "Khloe." "Where did you meet?" "She's a friend of Kerry's, we had a date last night and I acted like a complete idiot. So, tonight is part two and I hope I don't muck it up again." "Well I'm happy for you man, it's good for you... Come on, I know Laura will love to see you." They both walk down the stairs.

Brian walked up behind Laura. "Boo!" "Oh, my god, you almost made me spill my drink... well hello there stranger." She hugged him. "You're looking well." "So are you, you look as beautiful and wonderful as usual." "You smoothie... I am still married to AJ though." "I said that too, except I'm married to Nick not AJ." Laughed Kerry, Grace and Pippin walk through the door carrying bags. "Oh, I can feel a new wardrobe on the horizon." "Tell me about it." Smiled AJ. "Yay uncle AJ, Auntie Laura." "Hey, you, look at you all grown up. Did you enjoy your shopping trip?" "We found loads of bargains mom, Pippin is really good at getting us a good deal on stuff and daddy, I picked up some gorgeous shoes." "Have you got anything in those bags to wear tonight?" "Of course, I do, that's one of the reasons for going shopping in the first place." "Okay then." "Hey Pip baby, can I talk to you about something please?" "Yeah, sure dad." Brian and Pippin walked into the garden.

They sat down by the fire pit. "Everything okay?" "Yeah, I hope so. I wanted to talk to you about moving." "You want to move back here?" "Yeah, back to this house again... I know you have Andy back home, so I wanted to see how you felt about it." "Me and Grace were talking about this earlier, she asked me if I wanted to move back here again so can spend some more time with her." "Okay, what did you say?" "That I'd never really thought about it, as far as I knew you wanted to move back to England." "Yeah, well I thought that too... then I had a talk with Kerry, and I think I'm ready to come home now, I know you have your relationship with Andy back home, so I don't want to push you into making a decision." "You're not, I had a think about it all day. I thought about all the things I used to be able to do here, plus we have our own pool and gym. Andy will understand that I need to be with my family, I miss Jen, Rian and Tom and spending time with Grace." "Tell me about it, also I think now is the right time for the both of us... so you're definitely okay with it?" "Yes." "Okay, well welcome home us." He smiled. "As supposed to you?" she chuckled "Oh aha." "Can I go to my room and try some of my outfits on please?" "Yes, go." Pippin walked back into the house and joined Grace upstairs.

Nick walked out and sat down next to him. "So, how did it go?" "She's okay with it, it looks like we're back home." "Well that's great news and we all love having you back home." "We'd best order in some food before we leave for this show tonight." "And your date." "Yeah, my date... don't let me think about it, I get so nervous that I need to throw up." "I won't say another word, so I guess dinner is on you?" "I guess so." "They both walk back into the house.

That evening they made their way to the arena, taking their seats in the private box Chrissy and the kids joined them. "Hey Brian, Hey Pip, James told me that you'd flown over." "Well of course and we'll be staying too." "That's great news, there you go guys, grandad Brian is moving back home... they're excited because they haven't seen their dad in ages." "He's looking forward to seeing them too." "Brian, Khloe wants to know if you can go and meet her and let her in." asked Kerry. "Yeah sure." He left the box and made his way to the entrance when he spotted Cassie. "Hey Cassie, what are you doing here? Is Scott with you?" "Hey Brian, Scott will be along later, he has a few things to do first." "Oh, well everyone is packed into the box if you want to join them." "I'll make my way there now, are you joining us?" "Yeah, I just have someone I have to meet." "Okay, don't be too long the show starts soon." "I will be right back." He shows his card to security before walking into the foyer. "Hi again." "Hi, Brian this is Amelia." "Hi Amelia, we'd best make our way to our seats, the sow is about to start. We will be able to meet James after the show... just so you know, I have a lot of my family here tonight so the box may be a little cramped." "That's fine, I'm sure your family are really nice." "Let's go meet them." they join everyone in the viewing box and after introducing the family they sat in their seats just as the show started.

The lights went down, and the music started up, the room filled with cheers and screams of excitement as James appeared on stage. After a few songs, he stopped to talk to the crowd. "Wow, it's so great to be back home and to be here with you all. The great thing about being here tonight is that I have my family here with me, give them all a wave hi, they're in the box right there." He waves up. "Hi guys... now talking of family, I have some very special guests with me tonight and we have been working hard all day, just so that we can sing something very special for you." the music started up and James started to sing, he was soon joined by Tom and following him Scott walked into the stage. The arena erupted with more screams of excitement. "Why didn't you tell me Scott was singing too?" Brian asked Cassie. "I did say that he'd be here later... doesn't he sound amazing?" "He does, I never knew he had it in him." "They're identical triplets, of course he does." She smiled. The song ended and the crowd went crazy. "Give it up for my brothers! Tomas and Scott Littrell everybody!... Now, how does it feel to be back on-stage boys?" "Amazing and especially when we're in our hometown Florida!" smiled Tom. "Well, you know James, it has been a very long time since I was on stage. My usual stage is the basketball court in Kentucky." "How does it feel to be home?" "It's so good to be here and with both of my brothers and to sing to all these beautiful people." "I have enjoyed myself too, we don't spend a lot of time together. I have to say though, tonight's performance was a bit of a last-minute change and rehearsal as Scott only arrived here yesterday... so, would you like to hear some more?!" the crowd screamed. "I don't think they do... I said, who wants to hear some more music?!" James smiled. "Can I introduce this one?" asked Tom. "Yeah." "Okay, this song we're going to sing, will be on James's next album. It does feature myself, which is awesome; but just for tonight it will also feature Scott too of course." The boys grab their instruments, Tom on acoustic guitar, Scott on bass guitar and James on piano. "This is 'Strong Heart.'" The boys start to sing as they start to play.

After the song Tom and Scott left the stage and after a few more song, James ended the show. He ran off the stage and into his dressing room, he took off his shirt and turned around. "Don't stop on my account." "Emily? What are you doing here, you can't be here right now? My wife and my kids are here, they could walk in at any minute." "The door opens and Tom walks in. "Dude, you need any help?... I guess not." "I didn't even know she was here." "It's true, he didn't." "Christian is on her way down." "Emily, you need to leave now." "Wow, you boys need to chill." "I need to sit down right now." "Are you okay?" "You might want to get dad, code blue dude." James lays on the floor. "Shit, I need you to do me a huge favor right now." "Now you want a favor. You were trying to chuck me out just now." "Please, just go in the hall and ask my brother to go and get my dad, tell him it's a code blue situation." "How will I know which ones your brother?" "It's really not that hard, just go!" Emily left the room and James started seizing, Tom grabbed the oxygen mask and carefully places it on James' face. "I'm here bro, it's okay I got you, I got you." Emily ran into the hallway and looked around until she spotted Scott walking towards her. "Wow, okay... excuse me, Tom has asked me to tell you that he needs your dad urgently. James is on the floor and he said something about it being a code blue situation, whatever that is." "Thank you, can you just wait out here please." Scott ran back up to the viewing box, he passed Chrissy on the way. "Hey, slow down boy! What's the rush?" "We have a code blue situation in the dressing room, and I need to go and get my dad." "I'll help Tom, you go." Chrissy and the kids ran down to the room. "You guys wait out here okay, I need to check on your dad." She walked into the room. "Hey Tom, how long has he been like this?" "About five minutes so far, I put the oxygen on so he can breathe." "Good idea, I've called for an ambulance. What set him off?" "He got distracted by a fan and he didn't get to cool down." "Okay, we have blood, did he hit his head?" "Not that I noticed, but he was jolting around... he might have done it then, I didn't put anything under his head, it's my fault." "It's okay, you were in a panic, don't worry about it." She rubbed his arm. "You know I can't feel that, right?" "I know, it just makes me feel better for comforting you." The door quickly opens. "I'm here, I'm here, how's he doing?" said Brian. "He's still going, Chrissy has called an ambulance. "Good, he hasn't had a seizure in ages." Tom looked at them both. "Wow, seriously?" "He didn't want me to tell you guys because he knew you'd only worry, they're not usually this bad." James soon stopped seizing, Tom lay down next to him on the floor and held his hand.

The paramedics walked in. "Okay, which one is the patient?" "He's the patient, don't mind me, I'm just keeping him company." Said Tom. "Can you tell us what happened?" "My brother has epilepsy, he'd just come off the stage after his performance, usually he cools himself off but he ended up having a seizure... it lasted about seven minutes, he had an oxygen mask on since the start of seizure." "Thank you." The paramedic checks James' blood pressure and his oculus response. "When did he have his last seizure before this one?" "Yesterday but that was just an absence seizure and it lasted about two minutes, he had a sleep and he was back to normal... he's thirty years old, he has VSD, he doesn't have any allergies but imperial leather body wash does dry his skin out, so he usually prefers Dove." "Tom." Chrissy looked at him. "Sorry... his heart rate sits at a hundred beats per minute, sometimes it can go up to one twenty after a show and his blood pressure can be forty over eighty, I hope that's enough information?" "Thank you, I think all the information is good, thank you." "Oh, and to let you know, he won't like being taken to hospital. He likes to discharge himself after a while." "Let's just finish checking him over first." "I think he hit his head, there was some blood. Ignore the other scars, he used to self-harm, but he hasn't done that in years; he just tattoos himself now." "Are you okay T?" asked Scott. "Hm? I feel fine, yeah why?" "Because you're spilling out info like you're an audio teen magazine, I think the only info you missed so far was the color of his underwear and his favorite food." "Yellow and double stack Big Mac with large fries and banana milkshake." "Are you sure okay? Are you on something?" "No because that would be stupid and reckless of me, wouldn't it?" "Okay, outside, we need to talk." Scott dragged Tom out into the hallway. "You want to tell me something?" "Nope." "Dude you did the right thing remembering Jim's medical crap, but you wouldn't stop talking... look at me." "No, I don't want to look at you." "Look at me now!" "Mr. Grumpy pants." Tom looks at him. "Now I know what I look like on a good day." "Tom, stop it... are you high?" "Nope." "Did you give some to Jim? Is that why he's like that?" "No, he's like that because Emily was in his room and Chrissy was on her way there too..." "Who's Emily?" "His girlfriend." "Are you kidding me?" "No, they have a kid together too, she must have left her in England because she wasn't here." "Tom stop before I officially kill our brother." "Big brother time... how can you officially kill someone?" "Seriously, right now would be a great time for you to shut up T, okay?" "Yes sir." "You stay here while I go and see what's happening." Scott walked back into the room.

James was now sitting upright and talking to the paramedics. "Dad, how is he doing?" "He's back to his usual self, he's had something to drink and he can move okay. As usual though he's refusing to go with the paramedics to the hospital, even if they think its best." "Did you expect anything different?" "No, where's Tom?" "He's just getting some air, hey buddy, are you feeling better?" "Yeah, I just want to get dressed and go home." "We'll leave you to get dressed, everybody out." Everyone left the room except Christian. "Well you certainly gave us all a fright." "Believe me it wasn't intentional." "I know." He puts his arms around her and pulls her close to him. "It's good to see you, I have really missed you and the kids." "We missed you too baby, did you get the time out you needed to think about things?" "Yeah, I think so. I was worried because it took so long, maybe you'd thought the worst." "Well I was worried because it took you more than a year to think about whether you still loved me or not." "I do love you, of course I do. I just got caught up in everything and I just lost sight of what was important to me, I know it sounds bad, but I really enjoyed my freedom for that time. That all changes when I see your face because that's when I fall back in love with you all over again, I've always loved you." "Good because I love you too." "That's why it's so good, we were born to be together." "There's six months between us and anyway you chose to fall in love with me." "I think you'll find that love isn't something you can control, you can't just decide who to fall in love with... it just happens, like with you." Brian walked in. "Are you okay to do a quick meet with a fan before you go?" "Yeah, I guess so. Just let me smarten up a little." "Okay, ten minutes okay?" "Yeah." He walked back into the hallway. "James will be able to meet you in a minute." "Is he okay?" "Yeah, he's used to it and he will make time for you before he heads home." "Thank you." Smiled Khloe.

A short time later Amelia walked into the changing room. "Well hi there everyone, so who do we have here?" "I'm Amelia." "Hi Amelia, it's so nice to meet you, did you enjoy the show." "The show was amazing and it's so awesome that I got to come and meet you and your bothers too. I didn't realize how big your family was until they were all in the box." "It is crazy, but I don't really notice because I've grown up with them all." "It's so crazy that I'm here, I've more or less grown up with you too. When my mom told me about coming here tonight and meeting you, I can't even tell you how excited I was." "That's good, it's good to see that I haven't lost any of my fans... you have to forgive me because I'm not one hundred percent at the minute." "I totally understand, like I said I know almost everything about you. It's going to be really strange if my mom dates your dad." "I'm sorry, what?" "Our parents are dating." "You must have that wrong?" "No, he's the one who invited us here." "James, you need to take deep breaths and calm down okay. We will sit down and talk to him later, right now you need to rest." Chrissy placed her hands-on James's shoulders and looked him in the eyes. "I think you'll have to leave; we can't risk him having another seizure tonight." "Yeah, I am so sorry." Amelia walked out of the room. "Why don't we make our way home? We can talk to your dad tomorrow okay?" "I will be talking to him, that's for a sure." "I don't know why it bothers you so much." "He promised my mom that he would love her forever, so how can he just move on like that?" "He didn't just move on like that, he's been single for seven years, so he deserves to love someone else." "He can't love her; he doesn't know her." "He loved our mom before he really knew her too... look he's interested in her and maybe you should try and be a little bit happy for him." "I'll be happy for him, all the time he's not making a mistake." "Wow you sound just like your dad used to when you were younger." "And look how I turned out... I didn't mean it like that." "I am going to check on our kids, I'll see you back home." Chrissy left the room.

Wednesday 24/9/2032

The next morning James woke up on the sofa. "You're not dead then? Here have some toast and orange juice." Smiled Lacey. "Why am I here?" "I asked Tom the same question last night too, but you're his brother and no wasn't an option. I told Chrissy that you were here, she wasn't very impressed. Don't worry I never told her how much of a state you were in last night." "Did I drink?" "Among other things but I will let that slide as Tom did partake too, so if I tell you off then I'd have to tell him off too." "I have a headache." "I put two seltzers in your orange juice." "Thanks, where is Tom?" "He's at work as he does have a job and I don't care how crappy he feels this morning, he has to go." "How do I look?" "Like shit." She started to chuckle. "What's funny." "I know you and Tom are identical but after all the fun and games last night, you two are most definitely identical in every way... oh and by the way, I don't think I'll ever watch magic mike in the same way again." "Magic Mike? Isn't that a film about strippers?" "Oh yes baby, now if the whole singing thing gets boring, then you may have found your next calling." She smiled and walked into the kitchen.

James picked up the orange juice and followed her. "You're winding me up, right?" "You're lucky I forgot to take pictures because I could have shown you." "You won't tell anyone will you?" "Of course, I won't, what do you take me for? Especially as Tom was doing it too... that has to be the highlight of my year that." "I'm going to have a shower." "Good idea." James walked up the stairs just as the doorbell rang so Lacey went and opened the door. "Hey Chrissy." "Is he still here?" "He has just gone to have a shower, come on in." "Thanks, where's Noah?" "Mum and dad picked him up so he can spend some time with his grandad Brian." "Awesome, so how did James end up here?" "I have no idea, he just turned up with Tom and they were talking all night." "I don't know what to do with him recently, there's something going on that the pair of them aren't telling me." "I didn't hear anything last night, so whatever it is they're keeping it very secret." "He's just not been himself for a long time." "In what way? I can never tell with those too, what is normal and what isn't." "We hardly speak and when we do, one minute he tells me how much he loves me and then he tells me that he's made a mistake." "How did he make a mistake? he's always been in love with you. Maybe he's not thinking straight, he's been so busy with this tour and everything." "I keep telling myself that." "Do we need to talk about something?" Asked James who was stood by the door. "Do you think we do?" "From what I heard, then I think so yes." "I'm just going to go and do some laundry." Lacey walked up the stairs.

James walked into the kitchen and sat down on a stool in front of Chrissy. "Okay, where do you want to start?" "I just want to know what's gone wrong between us, you're just not the same recently." "I didn't realize that I'd changed that much, I know I haven't been around a lot and we haven't spent a lot of time together, but I've been busy on this tour." "You being away doesn't bother me, it's how much you've changed as a person. Every time I see you, you have new tattoos and I hardly recognize you." "Don't you like them? you know why I have them, I don't want to be constantly looking at my past... do you? All of the scars, I want to move away from that time, and as I can't get rid of the scars then the best I can do, is cover them up." "I don't care how you look, you're my husband... It's not just the tattoos that are bothering me, I just want you to be honest with me about things." "I am always honest with you." "Yeah, well if you were really honest with me then why didn't you tell me about Emily?" He looked at her surprised. "Yeah, at least she could be honest with me. I'm still trying to work things out in my head, was she just someone because you needed companionship and I wasn't there?" "No, I have no idea what happened." "Well you must do; I can't see how you wouldn't. it's not like you can blame it on the drink because you don't drink." "Okay, as we're on the conversation about being honest, how about this for honesty? I do drink, I like a nice couple of pints now and then." "Why would you do that? You know you shouldn't." "For that reason, ... because for years I was being told by everyone what I should and shouldn't do, you can't drink because this could happen, that could happen. Could, it might never happen, and I got fed up with living my life on the you never knows. If things happen then I should be able to find that out the hard way." "Okay... anything else you want to confess to while I'm here?" "What did Emily tell you?" "Enough, I think we need a little more time apart. I think just recently we have grown apart; we need to take the time out to find each other again." "I don't want that." "I know you don't, I also don't like being lied to and cheated on either." "What will I do without you?" "I don't know, hopefully you'll learn to grow up." "She walked out of the kitchen as Lacey walked down the stairs. "Are you okay?" "I'll be fine, I'll call you later." Chrissy left the house and made her way home.

She walked up to the front door and after knocking she waited, AJ answered the door and Chrissy cried into his arms. "Hey baby, let's get you inside and you can tell me all about it." They walked into the living room and sat down. "Are you okay baby?" "I've left James?" "You left James? Why would you do that? I thought you loved each other?" "We did once but things have changed a lot recently, I tried to see if time would heal things, but it hasn't." "I'm sorry that it's come to this baby." "Where's Laura?" "She's out shopping with Grace and Pip; she shouldn't be too long. So, what did James do that made you decide all of this?" "Many things, the new tattoos, his lack of caring about himself, I just found out that he's been drinking again, oh and that he cheated on me." "He cheated on you. Are you kidding me? you wait till I see that boy." "Don't you dare do anything and don't you mention anything to the boys, you know how Alex gets." "I know, I can't believe he cheated on you... the alcohol and the drugs yeah, but cheating?" She looked at him confused. "Wait, I only said about the drinking I never mentioned anything about drugs." "You didn't? oh I thought you did." "No, wow, so your keeping secrets from me too?" "No, I thought you knew?" "Would I look this shocked if I did? So, we're going back around in circles, again? I don't think I can go through all of that again dad." "I'm sure it's not as bad as last time, I will be keeping a close eye on Tom too." "Tom? I thought you said it was James. Tom wouldn't do something like that, he's not that stupid." "That's what I thought before I saw him after the show last night, he was all over the place." "I need to go and talk to him." "Who James?" "No, Tom. I need to get some answers." She grabbed her jacket and left the house.

She drove over to Toms work and walked over to his desk. "Hey Chrissy." "We need to talk." "Just give me a minute." He walked over to the board and grabbed some keys. "Hey, Ben, I'm just taking this lady to view this property." "Okay." "Drive here and we can talk." He passed her an address on a piece of paper and they made their way to the house.

He opened the front door and walked inside; Chrissy followed shortly after. "What did you want to talk to me about?" "I always thought you were sensible." "Thanks." "But now I don't know if I know you like I thought I did." "You do know me." "So how could you let James get you messed up with the drug scene?" He looked at her surprised. "Who have you been talking to?" "I spoke to my dad and he told me everything... how long has it been going on for? He knows he's not supposed to do that, it could kill him... and you, your dad was over the moon when you got your kidney and now you want to mess yourself up." "We know that." "So why are you doing it?" "Because we just want to feel normal." "Normal? You are normal, you don't need drugs to help you be you. I don't know why you have to be so stupid; you're killing yourselves." "We don't do it all the time and Jim would never do it when he's doing shows, it's just once every now and then. Anyway, he never got me into the drugs, that was my choice... why didn't you talk to Jim about all of this?" "Because unlike you he will just lie to me and I knew you would be honest about it, I had to find out from some girl called Emily that my husband had cheated on me." "All of that was a shock and a surprise to me too by the way, I really had no idea about that and believe me even Scott wants to kill him for that... has something happened between you two?" "I've decided that we need to separate for a while, we need to find each other again." "That's tough, but if it's something you feel you have to do then you do it. You'll need to think about what made you fall in love with him in the first place, you know it won't be a quick process though... would you like something to drink? We have tea and coffee, or I have some juice and I think some lemonade here somewhere." "I'll just have a glass of juice please." They walk into the kitchen. "This is a nice place, nicely furnished, so why would someone sell a place like this?" "Oh, this house isn't for sale, this house belongs to me." "Does Lacey know?" "No and I know what you're going to say, I know you hate lies, but I just wanted something that was for me." "Your own little hide away, do you and James come here together a lot?" "He knows about this house and yes we have spent time together here too, did we do drugs here? Yes, we did." "Why do you still do it? You have a family know Tom; you don't need that." "I guess that deep down that's one of my reasons, I come here to get away from the fact that I'm a crap dad. I can give Noah a great home and a great life, but I am a crap dad." "No, you're not, that boy loves you." "Does he? You should see how he looks at me when I don't wear my arm; he looks so scared and he won't come near me." "He's seven, he doesn't understand, you just need to give him time." "That's what Kerry said." Chrissy placed her hands onto Tom's shoulders and looked him in the eyes. "You're a good man Tomas." "Jim shouldn't have let you go so easily... if it was me, I would have never let you walk out of the door." "I'm glad that you're not him, I love you just the way you are." He leans forward and kissed her.

Alex had arrived at AJ's. "Anybody home? Number one son is here." "You must have a sixth sense; you always appear when something's happened." Smiled AJ. "Has something happened? Are Laura and Grace okay?" "They're fine, Chrissy and James have decided to separate from each other." "What did he do?" "What didn't he do? He's been drinking again; drugs and I mean all of that I can help him with. She doesn't like the tattoos he's having done, to be honest, I can't see why she has a problem with tattoos because I have loads and even you have loads. She just thinks they're making him a different person, so she feels like they've grown apart; all of that and then to find out that he cheated on her too..." "He cheated on my sister. Why would he do that? They have a family together." "I don't know, she never told me. she didn't stay here for long anyway; she went to find Tomas." "Where is he?" "Tom's at work I would think, and I have no idea where Jim could be; he should be at rehearsals." "I'm going to go and find him and talk to him." "Do you think that's a good idea?" "She's my sister, I have a duty to look after her. I'll be back once I've sorted this mess out." Alex grabbed his jacket and made his way out of the house and drove over to the arena.

James was standing on the stage doing a soundcheck. "So, you're here, shouldn't you be somewhere else?" "What are you doing here?" "She told my dad what you'd done." "So, you came here to play big brother on me?" "I didn't just come here as her brother; I came here as your best friend... what happened man?" "She chose to end it, it's not what I wanted." "Sounds like you didn't give her much choice, you don't really come back that easily after you've found out your husband's cheated on you." "You know this from experience?" "No, I would never cheat on your sister like you did mine. I just want to know why you did it? Was it because you started drinking again? You know Chrissy didn't cope that well last time." "I know... I don't know what happened with Emily, I love Christian, you know that. I always have done, and seeing her walk away from me really made me snap back to reality, I am at a loss as to what I'm supposed to do without her and I don't know how I'm supposed to win her back." "It will all take time, dad said that she didn't like your tattoos." "She told me that too, she thinks they make me a different person. I'm just covering up the bad memories... I know I've been busy with this tour, but I still took time out to call Chrissy and tell her I love her and catch up with the kids, I love her Alex." "What about the drugs and the drinking?" "To be honest, it never really stopped. We just did it now and then, to just relax." "We?" "Yeah, Tom and me." "Tom? Seriously?" "There's only you, me, Chrissy and Lacey that know about him, so you have to keep it a secret." "I won't say anything." "Thanks." "But you do need to talk to Christian and sort this out." "Believe me, it's the most important thing on my list. I'm just going to give her a bit of time and I really do need to sort my own shit out. I do promise you though, that I will do my best with Chrissy." "Good... so how are rehearsals going?" "With everything that happened this morning. My head has been a little all over the place." "You got some tickets for tonight; I'll bring Jen along to see you." "You don't need tickets; your names are always on my list and we have our own box; all you need to do is turn up." "Awesome, well I will let you get back to it and I will see you tonight." "Yes, and come backstage to see me after." "Try and keep Jen away, see you later." Alex left the arena and drove back to AJ's.

He walked through the front door. "I'm back." AJ walked up to him and looked around him. "Not a drop of blood?" "It's not about violence dad, I talked to him and that's enough. He's a broken man and I could see that in his face, he really does love her, and he does regret what he did." "Are you sure you're not Kevin?" "Very funny." "Hey, I forgot to ask you what it was you wanted me for earlier." "Nothing I was just visiting before I head to work." "Well don't I feel blessed?" "Just showing I care." "Well it's just me here anyway, Laura is out shopping with Grace and Pippin." "Oh yeah, Jen said that her dad was over. She hasn't been over to see him yet, as far as I know anyway." "Well he's not going anywhere; he has decided to move back to his home." "Wow, never thought he'd go back there." "It's taken a little bit of time, but he's finally moved on, in all ways." "No way, he has a girlfriend?" "I wouldn't go so far as to call her that, but he is interested in her." "Well good for him... right I should make a move and get to work, I might pop in tomorrow if you guys are about?" "I'm sure we will be, but just call and make sure before you come over." "I will do, see you later." Alex grabbed his jacket and as he made his way out of the house and down the driveway, he passed Laura. "Hey mom." "Have I missed a visit from you already Alex?" "I'm afraid so, I have to get to work. I did tell dad that I might pop over tomorrow and see you all." "Okay, yeah that'll be nice... well you have a nice time at work." "Don't I always?" smiling Laura made her way into the house. "I'm back!" "My queen is home, where are the girls?" "Grace is staying over at Pippins." "We are teenager free tonight? What shall we do with ourselves?" "Rest, we can order in dinner and watch a movie." "Sounds like a plan." "So, what's wrong?" "Nothing." "You sure? You have that look you get when you have something on your mind." "I do have something on my mind, but it's getting sorted. It's nothing to worry about, so I won't." "Are you sure? Do you want to talk about it? Get it off your chest?" "Chrissy and James have decided to separate, Chrissy doesn't seem too upset about it. Alex took it upon himself to go and talk to James about it and I'm guessing that turned out well, there wasn't any blood on him when he got back." "So why have they decided to separate? I thought they were good together." "It was Chrissy's idea; she thinks James has changed. She doesn't like that fact that he has tattoos now and he's always busy." "What's wrong with tattoos? I don't mind them, and you've had them even before she was born." "But it's not just about the tattoos, it's the whole going back to drinking and taking drugs again." "Does Brian know?" "No, the last thing he needs at the minute is to have all of this on his plate. It's not just Jim that does it either, Tom also does it." "Are you kidding me? I think I'll be having words with him about that." "I spoke to him last night after the show because he was wasted." "I did wonder where you went." "Anyway, other than that she also found out that Jim had cheated on her." "Seriously? What is going on with that boy? I gather that's why Alex paid him a visit? You know Chrissy and James are both old enough to sort this out themselves." "I know, but Christian is still my little girl and I will always worry about her." "Just let them get on with it, if we get involved it'll just make things worse." "Okay, I promise to stay out of it." "Good, so what shall we do for dinner tonight?" "We should go out to eat." "What a good idea, I quite fancy a Chinese." "You do like your Chinese food, don't you?" "Yes, I do, but before we go out, I must go and have a shower." "Is there room in there for two?" "Why? Are you dirty too?" "No but my mind is." He chuckled. "Well... you never know." Laura walked up the stairs and AJ followed.

Chrissy was sat in the living room at Tom's house. "Are you okay?" "I should go." "If that's true, then you would have gone already." "I shouldn't have kissed you, why would I do that? I'm not that person, why do you have to look like him?" "Maybe because I'm his twin, I don't really have a choice in the matter." "I know, I'm sorry, that was a stupid thing to say." "We didn't just kiss though, did we? Let's be honest about that." "We were wrong, I was wrong to do that. Why do you have to be so nice? This shouldn't have happened; we can't tell anyone about this." "I know that, and you can't tell anyone about this place either." "I won't... you'd better get back to work and I need to get home." "Good idea, are you sure you're okay?" "Tom, stop it. Stop being nice, get to work and I'll see you later." Chrissy grabbed her coat and bag and left the house, Tom followed shortly after.

Chrissy sat in her car for a while and her mobile started to ring. "Hey Alex." "Hey Chrissy, you okay?" "Yeah why?" "Dad told me what happened." "Why did he tell you? Please say you didn't do anything stupid and that Jim still has his kneecaps." "Jim is fine, he's my best friend, why would I want to hurt him? I did speak to him though." "Great." "What? It's all good, you don't need to worry. I was actually calling to see if you wanted to join me and Jen tonight?" "Where?" "We're going to watch the show tonight." "Really?" "Yes, and I won't take no for an answer." "Do you think that's a good idea?" "Yes, I do, so I'll pick you up after my shift at seven thirty." "Okay, yes." "Good, I'll see you later." "Bye." She started the car and made her way home.

That evening, Alex, Jen, and Christian were sat in the viewing box waiting for the show to start. "Alex, why don't you go and get us a drink honey." "Yes missus." Alex left the box. "You really don't want to be here, do you?" "Not particularly, but Alex dragged me here." "I'm sure he has his reasons, plus he's your big brother. He's just looking after you." "By dragging me here to watch my cheating husband sing little love songs?" "He cheated on you. Alex never told me that, I think I'll kill James myself... how long till the show starts?" "Leave it Jen, you don't have to do anything." "What sort of sister would I be if I didn't teach him right from wrong? Tell Alex I'll be back in a while." Jen made her way from the viewing box down to the changing room.

She knocked on the door and it's soon opened. "Hey Jen, come on in." she walked into the room and after James closed the door, she hit him over the head. "What was that for?" "Because I didn't think my brother could be so stupid." "What? What did I do? Wait did you speak to Alex?" "No, I spoke to Chrissy." "Is she here?" "That's not important, what I want to know is why you did it?" "It was a mistake." "Obviously, so what are you going to do about it?" "She said we needed time apart, so I'm going to give her that." "You're such a knob head, you should know that's not what she really wants at all. I think you'll find she wants you to fight for her or at least try, she's been hurt by you and she feels like you don't love her anymore." "But I do love her." "But do you mean that?" "Yes, I do. I always have done." "Then fight for her and prove to her that she means something to you." "How can I do that? How am I meant to show her how much I love her? That I am nothing without her by my side, that she is the air that breathe and the tick tock to my life clock?" "Well you certainly are our fathers' son, aren't you? Maybe you can try and do something with those words and let her hear them." "I'll see what I can do if you're sure this is what she definitely wants? Oh, and next time you hit me like that, don't think I won't report it to dad." "Such a baby, it wasn't even that hard." "Thank you for coming tonight Jen, it's always good to see you." "It's always good to see me, you don't get to see perfection that often." She chuckled. "So bad." "Aren't I just? Okay, have an awesome show and I love you." "I love you too." Jen made her way back to the box.

Alex returned with the drinks. "What did you do? I hope you weren't too rough with him, he's about to come on stage." "He's fine, I just gave him one of my big sister talks." "What did he say?" "The usual, that he's sorry blah, blah, blah. I did give him a clout around the head though." "Was that wise? Given that he has epilepsy?" "It wasn't that hard but hopefully he'll take my words onboard, he'll eventually realize that I am completely right and of course awesome and that he really is my fathers' son." "Do you mind if we don't talk about him anymore? I just want to watch the show then go home." "Sorry Chrissy." The lights went down, and the music started.

Thursday 25/9/2032

The next morning James landed in New York ready for an appearance on 'Good Morning America', he was sat backstage getting his make-up and microphone on before being called to the studio. "Hi and welcome back to 'Good Morning America', today we have a very special guest joining us. He has released four top ten albums, he is currently on tour right now and he is a son of one of nineties pop band the Backstreet Boys, Brian Littrell. Please welcome James Littrell." There's applause from the studio and he walked on and sat on the sofa.

Presenter: "Hi James, how are you?"

James: "I'm doing really well, thank you and it's so good to be here."

Presenter: "I bet; James has flown in this morning from Orlando. He was performing there just last night; we're surprised that you're still awake."

James: "Me too, it takes plenty of practice... I even have a show here tonight too."

Presenter: "Yes you do, so how is the tour going?"

James: "It's going really well; the crowds are amazing. Not just over here in the U.S but also in the UK, I played a few dates over in London recently and it was amazing. I'm looking forward to going back there in a few weeks' time.

Presenter: "We've heard rumors that your brothers have joined you on stage, can you tell us more about that?"

James: "Yeah, it was amazing that my twin brothers joined me. Tom joined me in London and the again with Scott while in Orlando, it was an experience. I do love working and spending time with them... Tom performed a song with me that will be on the next album, he was very nervous about it as he hadn't sung in a very long time. He did a very good job and all the fans loved him; he loved the experience."

Presenter: "Will we be seeing any surprise performances from your dad or any of the Backstreet Boys on this tour?"

James: "I know everyone asks me that, I know that it's certainly something that I would love to do. Right, at this moment, my dad is in the middle of sorting some personal problems, but I won't say that there won't be a chance of him joining me. I know that there is a father and son duet on the cards, and I know it's what everyone wants, all I can say is watch this space."

Presenter: "Talking of performances, can you tell us about any up-coming shows or events that you might be doing?"

James: "I still have this tour to finish and I'm in the process of writing and recording the new album; the album will include a few special guests. I will be taking some time out to sort out some personal things and a few personal issues regarding myself; as everyone knows I have health problems and I need to address those."

Presenter: "Of course, you have epilepsy. Can I ask how that affects you when you're always so busy?"

James: "Being something that I was born with, I have learnt to cope with it over time. I don't let it affect my day to day life but just recently I have had a few issues when it comes to finishing a show, there have been a few times when I have had to cancel a few meet and greets due to seizures. Sadly, these have affected me in a few ways, but I have managed to cope so far, and it doesn't affect my stage performance."

Presenter: "You have spent almost the whole of your life in the media, I think the first time we saw a picture of you was not long after you were born and your dad bought a photo of you to show us. (They play a short clip of the show) Thirty years on, how does it affect your day to day life?"

James: "Well, growing up we all had an amazing and wonderful person in our lives; our beautiful mom. Not only did she love us and protect us but she taught us all to be honest to ourselves and others, she always told us that we could be what we wanted to be and to never let our disabilities get in our way. As you know, Tom and I were conjoined twins when we were born and due to that he lost his left arm. He is pretty crazy, and he never let anything stop him in any way shape or form, as a kid he would still climb trees and do things just the same as we all would. With that said, just recently I have begun to lose myself as a person, being in the media it is pretty easy to lose who you are, your personality. Trying to be everywhere at once and to please everyone, it can drain you and you just go onto autopilot."

Presenter: "I'm guessing that you don't get much time to relax and take time for yourself? You also have a family and I guess finding time can be difficult?"

James: "Yeah, it makes me appreciate everything my dad did for us and how hard it was for him; being away from us for all of that time must have been hard. I guess that's what's making feel like I'm changing as a person, it's quite hard to explain. If I can be honest and I hope it doesn't change everyone's opinions of me... I have spent a long time battling severe depression, it's something that many people suffer from and it can happen to anyone. It seems crazy to say it because people will look at me and say 'How can he be depressed? He has loads of money and a nice life', yeah it's great that I have that, and I am grateful for it but that doesn't mean that I'm happy."

Presenter: "Wow, that was very brave of you share that with us. How do you cope with all of that as well as touring and working?"

James: "It has been very hard; I will admit that. Most of the time it's been a case of fake it to make it, but behind closed doors it's a completely different story. When I was younger, I had a break down and I ended up self-harming, that was my way of relieving my anger and stresses of the world. Now I will urge everyone not to do this, if you have any problems then please talk to a family member or seek help from a professional. Self-harming has caused me to become very conscious of how I look, of the things I wear because of the scars that are left behind. As you can see, I have had them tattooed over and I feel more positive about myself. Unfortunately, as an adult now, I sadly still need some help and consequently I have now taken to drinking alcohol and taking drugs to help me relax. Again, please I urge people not to do this either as it's not the answer, I regret doing it as it has meant that I have lost the person I love the most in the world."

Presenter: "It must be very hard to come on live television and speak out about these issues?"

James: "I feel that it is important that people are aware that these things can happen, although someone may be all smiles and laughter on the outside; they can just as easily be broken and hurting inside. If it can happen to someone like me, then it can just as easily be a friend or a neighbor and being reckless and not talking to anybody has led myself to do stupid things and make stupid mistakes. I will be honest with you; I know I probably shouldn't, but I feel like I need to... I will admit to everyone that I have cheated on my wife... I do feel guilty for doing it and I regret it; everyone knows how much I love Christian because not only is she my wife and the mother to my children; she's also my best friend. I betrayed her trust and that has caused a big rift in our relationship, so I owe it to her to come clean and be honest. She has been by my side throughout our ups and downs and she stuck by me when I first started on the drugs and alcohol a few years ago, I appreciate everything that she has done for me over the years and she is an amazing mom. I hate that I have upset her and broke her heart, I totally apologize for everything that I have ever done to her."

Presenter: "Family has always been an important an important part of your life, as we can see here in these pictures. (Pictures appear on the screen) and as we've just heard, it can be very difficult to find the time in between your busy schedule?"

James: "It is, that's one of the reasons that I'll be taking a short break after this tour. I can spend some quality time with my family and everyone who's very important in my life."

Presenter: "It will be completely worth it, thank you James for joining us today. We wish you luck with the rest of the tour, we hope that you'll come back and see us again when your new album comes out."

James: I would love to and thank you so much for having me.

The presenter linked into an advert and James made his way back to the changing room, his manager came into the room and sat down next to him. "Okay, where did all that come from? And why did you say anything to me?" "I've just had a bad few days recently, I thought it would be best to come clean before the press find out and they make a big thing about it in the papers." "Well they'll have a field day now; my phone has been ringing non-stop." "Then answer it, if people want a comment then I'll be sure to give them one." "How do you feel now?" "Terrified and I could really do with a lie down in a dark room." "We have the bus parked outside; I'll make sure that you're not disturbed." "Thank you, oh, could you find my medication? I'm not sure if I took it today." "I can do that for you." The manager walked James outside, there was a large group of girls waiting for him and after signing some pictures he made his way onto the coach.

Christian turned off the tv and grabbed her jacket and passport, she called Laura and arranged for her to pick up the kids before she made her way to the airport.

A short flight and she landed in New York, grabbing a taxi she made her way to her hotel. She walked over to the reception and placed her bags on the floor. "Hi, I'm looking for James Littrell. Can you tell me if he's checked in at all?" "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to give out that information." "Yes, you are because I'm his wife." "Can I see some I.D?" she gives her the passport. "He hasn't checked in yet, but he is due to arrive here very soon, you're more than welcome to wait." "Thank you." She took a seat in the foyer.

Thirty minutes later, along with the sound of screaming girls; the bus pulled up. She watched as he stepped off the bus and over to the fans, signing some autographs before walking into the hotel; he collected his keys from the reception and on turning around he spotted Christian. "Hi." "Hi, I didn't think you'd even notice me with everything going on." "Are you kidding me? you're the most beautiful thing my eyes could look upon, I'm surprised that you're here... I wasn't expecting you to be here, I was expecting you to call." "Yeah, well I thought a visit in person would be just what you need right now." "It is, shall we go up to the room and talk?" "Yeah, I think that would be a good idea." They walk up to the room and Chrissy takes a seat on the bed as James put his bag in the wardrobe, walking back he stood in front of her and leaning over he kissed her. "We need to talk James." "Yeah, I know." He sat next to her and she held his hand. "Why didn't you tell me what you were going through? We wouldn't be in this situation if you'd just talked to me." "I couldn't, I didn't want you to think that I was a weak man. I'm meant to be strong for you and the kids, I already failed you guys once and I didn't want to be that man again." "I have known you for all of your life and even through all the ups and downs, I have never thought of you as a weak man. I was angry with you for picking drugs and alcohol to get you through it, yeah; but after seeing what you did on tv... I thought it was amazing and so brave of you. Yes, some people will say bad things about you but you will have so many more who will support you, fans will be proud of you... okay, the cheating part will be a whole new conversation." "I know that that's something completely unforgivable, for that I am a terrible person." "You're not a terrible person, you just got a little lost... can I forgive you for what you did? I think deep down that I could, did you hurt me by doing it? Yes, a lot." "It was never my intention to hurt you because you mean everything to me, I probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you being in my life." "So, what happened?" "Babe, I have been on anti-depressants for a very long time. There's always been times in my life when you know you need to talk to someone, but it doesn't matter how much you wish you could, she just isn't there. I know that I have my dad and that I have you; there's just times when I just want to talk to my mom... I know that I should be over it by now, everyone always says that, but I don't think I am." "Why didn't you tell me this before?" "Because I didn't want to come across as weak." "It's not a weak thing to miss your mom, I can't say that I understand because I have two moms." "Yeah, one's amazing and the other one's a complete bitch for leaving you." She looked at him. "Too much?" "A little, even if she is a bitch, she's still my mom." "I know, I'm sorry." "But still, it's nothing near like you because I can still call and talk to my moms, you have nobody... but you do have me and we should be able to talk about everything, one thing we do have to talk about is Emma." "No, we don't." "Are you her dad?" "No! I just met Emily one day, she was working as a waitress in a bar. I overheard her talking to a friend about how she was going to cope because she was about to become a single mom, I was just being nice, and I offered to help her. We can do a paternity test if you really want to, but Emma is not my daughter... is that what you were worried about?" "Of course, I was, I want to be the only person to have your babies." "And you are all four of them... I'm glad I'm here with you and I have you in my life." "I'm glad to be here with you too." "Hey, do you want to join me on a tv show tomorrow? I have an interview and it would be great if they could see you by my side." "I'll always be by your side and I'll do anything to show how much I support you." "Thank you." He puts his arms around her and kissed her.

Over in Orlando, Pippin had arrived at her new school. Nervously she walked into the building and over to the reception desk. "Hi there, how can I help you?" "I'm Pippin Littrell, today is my first day here and I was told to report here." "Ah yes, it's nice to meet you Pippin. If you take a seat, I'll call someone to come down for you." "Thank you." She sat down and a few minutes later a teacher appeared along with two other students. "Hi there, you must be Pippin?" "Yes mam." "I am your head of year Mrs. Danbury; these two lovely students will be with you today and show you around the school; this is Molly and Aimee." "Hi." "Well, if you need me just ask here at reception or I'm sure one of the students will point you in the right direction." "Okay, thank you." "Well I'll leave you in the hands of these two." The teacher walked up the stairs. "Welcome to our school, luckily you're in all of our classes and our next class is English." Smiled Molly. "You have a cool name, Pippin." "Please can you call me Pip?" "Of course, so where are you from?" Smiled Aimee. "Well, I was born in Kentucky and then we moved to our house here." "Cool, Kentucky girl." "Where are you two from? You don't have American accents?" "We moved all the way from London, England." "Awesome, my mom came from there and my older sister and brothers were born there too; they moved over here when my brothers were five." "We never got your last name." "Oh, it's Littrell." "That's so awesome, you have the same surname as James Littrell... he's a singer and so hot." "Oh yeah, I do... I guess that's cool." "Hey, when we break for lunch, we can introduce you to our friends." "I'd like that, I don't know anyone here." The girls made their way to class.

Lunch break and the girls were sat around the table in the courtyard. "Hey peeps, we have a newbie joining us today, this is Pip." "Hi." They all wave. "These are our friends, Elizabeth Wood, Rebecca Newstead, Leah Homden and Leoni Lane." "It's nice to meet you all." "Well, take a seat; we were just talking about James Littrell." Said Rebecca. "He was on the tv this morning and I couldn't believe how amazing and brave he was." Swooned Elizabeth. "I know right, I can't believe we missed his concert. My mum tried to get tickets, but they'd sold out, I would have loved to have gone." Said Leoni. "I've been to nearly all of his shows." Said Pippin. "You have? You're so lucky." Said Molly. "You know, I could probably get us some tickets for his next show in Tampa Bay. We could make it a girl weekend and I could ask my uncle if we could stay at his place too." "Wait, you can get tickets?" "Yes, I can get tickets believe me. If you girls really want to go and I promise you that it won't cost you anything, we could even get a limo there too." "If you can really do all of that, then I am so in." smiled Molly. "Me too." "And me." "Me." "Well I can't really say no to that can I? You must really like him if you've been to all his concerts, have you ever met him?" asked Leah. "Yep, all of the time." "I wish I was older; he is so hot." Said Rebecca. "So are his brothers, they're identical triplets." Said Leoni fanning herself with her book. "Do you think he's good looking Pip?" asked Leah. "Well, he is certainly one of a kind. Even with Tom and Scott, he is certainly different." "If you can get us tickets, do you think we could meet him too?" asked Leoni. "I can't see why not; I'll have a word and maybe we can get to spend time with him before the show." "Okay, how are you going to do that?" asked Molly. "My dad knows someone, have faith, we will have a great time and it will be a really good way of introducing myself to you." "Yes, it would." Smiled Leah. "Oh, and don't forget to bring a swimming costume, my uncle has a huge swimming pool." "So, what your saying is, your family is loaded?" "Well I wouldn't say we were loaded; my dad just knows people. Anyway, trust me, we will have a great time." "We'll hold you to that." The bell rings and they headed to the next lesson.

That evening Pippin arrived home, she placed her bag on the floor in the hallway before making her way into the living room. "Hey bubba bear, how was your first day at school?" "It was okay, I made some knew friends." "That's good, I knew you would." "Yeah, but there's one problem, they all have a thing for James. They kept asking me questions, like if I thought he was hot or not. I didn't want to tell them that he was my brother because I want them to be my friends because they like me, not him... so I told them that I would take them with us when we go to his show on Saturday." "You did huh? Is that what you want to do?" "Well I promised them that I would." "Are you going to tell them that you know James? Or are you going to leave it as a surprise?" "I think I'll surprise them." "Do you want me to drive you all?" "Can we hire a limo, make it amazing and special." "In a Limo huh? You're really pushing the boat out. Okay I will sort out the limo, you can go and ring Jim and let him know what's going on." "Awesome, can we visit Uncle Nick while we're there too." "That's another phone call for you to make, you can ask Nick yourself even if you do know he can never say no to you." "I know." "What do you want for dinner? I was going to order in some pizza, and we can watch a movie." "Yes please." Pippin picked up her phone and called James.

Friday 26th September 2032.

James and Christian arrived at the tv studio. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" "Yeah, I started this mess and I will fix it." "Have you taken your medications?" "Yes, I have, you don't have to worry about me... are you ready to do this?" "I'm here for you, okay? Always." The music started up and after an introduction, James and Christian walked onto the set.

Presenter: "Hi guys, welcome to the show. It's great to have you both here with us today, it's lovely to finally meet your lovely wife Christian too. James, how is the tour going for you right now?"

James: "It's going really well, thank you. We still have a long way to go before it's over, but we're excited about the future shows and we know many have already been sold out."

Presenter: "Do you have anything new coming up in the future?"

James: "Well, there are many new things coming up. I am working on a new album right now; this one will include a few special guests and I have even collaborated with my brother Tomas on a few tracks too. We hope everyone will enjoy it."

Presenter: "We heard that you performed with your brothers on stage, how was that experience?"

James: "It was a lot of fun and a pleasure to sing with them both after a long time. Tomas and I sung one of the songs that will be on the album at the show in London. We wrote the song together and it means so much to me that we got to sing it together at the show."

Presenter: "And again we welcome Christian to the show, how are you?"

Christian: "I'm very well, thank you. It's so nice that I can be here with James today, we spend so much time apart so it's nice to be here to support him today."

Presenter: "Now, I want to ask you about your surprise announcement about your depression. How are you feeling now it's out there and no longer a secret?"

James: I feel relieved that I can be honest, I can now get the help that I need and the love and full support from Chrissy is my positive boost. I know that I can overcome this and work my way back to being me again, my wife and I have had a long heart to heart, and I know that we can be strong together through this time."

Presenter: "It's great that you're being so positive and you're working very hard to get better in yourself, not only that you're keeping yourself busy with all these shows too. Thank you so much for talking to us today, James will now be rushing off to the other side of the studio so that he can get himself ready to perform for us."

James: Yep and thank you for inviting me on." (He ran over and sets himself up ready to sing.)

Presenter: "Please put your hands together, singing 'Strong Heart' this is James Littrell."

James started to sing.

Kerry turned off the tv. "Aww bless him, I wonder why Brian and AJ never said anything." "Do they have to report everything to you?" "No, but it's nice to know. We could have helped and supported him a bit more." "You're like the nosy neighbor, you always need to know everything that's going on." "Of course, I do." The phone starts to ring in the hall. "Maybe that's him now." She answered the phone. "Hello, Carter residence, who's speaking?" "Hi aunty Kerry, is Uncle Nick there?" "Hey Pip, yeah let me just get him for you." She walked back into the room. "It's for you, Pippin would like to talk to her uncle Nick." Nick picked up the phone. "Hey Pip, everything okay?" "Hey uncle Nick, I'm just calling to ask a favor." "What sort of favor?" "Me and my friends are coming over to watch James at his show tomorrow and we wondered if we could stay at your place after the show? I promise we'll all behave." "Is your dad coming with you?" "Yeah, I don't think my friends would be allowed to come if he wasn't." "How many of your friends are you bringing?" "Six... we don't mind sharing a room." "As you asked nicely, then I guess it'll be okay." "Thank you, Uncle Nick." "It's not a problem, I will see you all tomorrow night." "See you then, bye Nick." "Bye." He put the phone down and walked back into the living room. "What did she want?" "She asked me if Brian, herself and a few of her friends could stay tomorrow night." "Sounds like fun, I bet Brian's going to love that; an hour and a half in a car with seven teenagers." "Oh, the joys of having a teenage daughter, I so don't miss those days." "He probably doesn't mind; you know how much he loves her; he'll do anything for her." "She does mean the world to him... we'd best make sure we have everything and we're all organized for their arrival, we'll need to stock up on snacks because I'm sure a midnight feast is on the cards." "You spoil her just as much as he does." "No, I don't... I can't help it; she's the baby and I want her to know I'm a good godparent." "You are a good godparent and you know she adores you." "She adores you too, she loves all her aunties and uncles." "She does, bless her. I might see if I can have a talk with her while she's here." "Why? Do you have worries?" "Of course, I do. I just want to make sure she's doing okay; she's never had a mum and seeing Brian with another woman must be strange for her. I just want her to know that I'm here to talk to if she needs me, you know?" "She will always need her aunty Kerry, cheer up and let's go shopping, maybe we can get some dinner while we're out." "You and your stomach." "I'm just hungry... we can get snacks on the way home." "Seriously?" "Not for me, for the girls... and Brian." "I'll hold you to that." "You can just hold me if you want?" "Like I would ever say no." Kerry sat on Nicks lap and he hugged and kissed her.

Christian and James were soon on the plane and making their way to Tampa International Airport. "James, please stop doing that." "What?" "Bouncing your knee, it's beginning to annoy me. we have a three-hour flight and I can't deal with that all the way." "Sorry, I didn't even know I was doing it." "Well now you know, you can stop." "I won't do it again." He picked up a magazine from the table and opened a few pages to read, ten minutes later his knee starts to bounce again. "For the love of god James, please stop doing that... Jim, are you listening to me?" She tapped him on the shoulder and realized that he had gone into a seizure. "It's okay baby, I'm here." She opened her bag and took out a syringe and some AED medication, calmly she administered the dosage prescribed and slowly James's seizure stopped. "There you go baby, let me go and get you a blanket and you can rest for a while." She grabbed a blanket from the overhead locker and placed it over him. "We'll be there soon." She held her hand in his while he rested.

Thirty minutes later and he was awake. "I have to go for a pee." He stood up from his seat before heading to the bathroom, Christian watched and waited until he came out. As he walked back out, he looked at his watch. "Wow, how long was I asleep for? We must be near Tampa soon." "Yeah, you fell asleep, you looked peaceful even though you were snoring." He looked at her. "What's wrong?" "Well, I guess I must have injected myself while I was asleep too huh?" "It wasn't a bad one, we must have hit altitude and the cabin pressure set it off." "But it was bad enough for you to inject me?" "I just wanted it to end, you know I hate seeing you when you're like that... do you feel okay?" "I feel fine, I'm sorry for snapping at you." "It's fine." "No, it's not. You don't deserve to be treated like that. I should talk to my doctor about maybe upping my meds for when I go on airplanes." "I think that would be a good idea... shall we just enjoy the rest of this flight? You have an hour before it's back to soundchecks and rehearsals." "I'm looking forward to the show tomorrow, Pippin and a few of her friends are coming along." "Are these new friends?" "Yeah, but for some reason they haven't worked out that I'm her brother yet; I think she wants to keep it a surprise for when they arrive." "Then they'll just be her friends because she knows you." "That's why she hasn't told them yet, she wants them to like her for her." "Well I hope it all works out." "I'm sure it will, I'll make sure of it. Anyway, what's not to love about Pippin Littrell? I'll make sure she gets the star treatment." "Don't you go all out and silly." "I'm not, I'm allowed to treat my little sister now and then." "You're terrible." "Oh, I know I am." He smiled.

An hour later and the plane landed safely.

Saturday 27th September 2032

Pippin waited nervously by the front door. "You do know a watched pot never boils." "I'm just worried about what they'll think when they get here." "They're probably going to be surprised and a little confused, but if they're your friends then they'll just think it's cool." The buzzer rings from the gate. "Wow that thing still works?" "Dad!" Pippin opens the gate and walks out of the front door.

She watched as her friends walked up the driveway towards the house. "Okay, so you actually live here?" said Molly. "Welcome to my home, my dad has made us some lunch while we wait for our car." They walked into the main hall. "I want a house like this." Said Aimee. "This is just the hallway." "How many of you live here?" "There used to be eight of us but now there's just the three of us, my dad, my brother and me. come on through to the kitchen." They follow Pippin into the kitchen. "Hey ladies, take a seat. I have made a few sandwiches for you, there's ham and cheese, egg mayo and tuna." "Guys this is my dad Brian, dad these are Molly, Aimee, Leah, Leoni, Elizabeth and Rebecca." "It's nice to finally meet you all, Pip the car should be here in about thirty minutes; so, I'm going go and sort a few things out and bring down the bags." "I'll get mine; I want to show my friends my room." "Okay, just don't go in anyone else's." "We won't." Brian left the kitchen. "I love your house... wait is that your garden?" asked Rebecca. "Yeah." "Wait, you have a pool?" said Leoni. "Yeah, we have two. My brother hates swimming in the outdoor pool, he has done it a few times though; he's getting there slowly." "I wish I had one pool, let alone two." "We have a gym and a recording studio too." "Why do you have a recording studio?" asked Elizabeth. "My dad is a singer, he used it to record some songs when he was younger. He still uses it now and then... you guys want to come up to my room?" "Okay." The girls walked up the stairs and along a corridor towards Pips room. 35mm / left to right 40mm

Walking inside they were equally as surprised to see that she had a king-size bed and a 60-inch tv. "Can your dad adopt me? I think I want to move in with you, my mum would never let me have anything like this." Said Leah. "Just the perks of being the youngest, we should have a sleep over here one night; I'm sure my dad would be okay with it." "That would be so cool." Said Aimee. "You wait till we get to my uncle's home, I'm sure he has a whole load of fun planned for us." There's a knock at the door. "The car is here, are you all ready to go? I've packed up the sandwiches in case you get hungry." "Yeah, we're ready." "Then, let's go." They made their way downstairs and out to the waiting limo. "Okay, now this is officially awesome, thank you Pip." Smiled Aimee. "It's not a problem." They climbed into the car and made their way to Tampa.

They soon arrive at the Amelie Arena and the limo parked by the back entrance. "Are we not going in the front?" asked Elizabeth. "We have a special pass to go in this way, I did promise to give you the same experience that I get." "Okay, anyone else like totally excited right now?" asked Leoni. "I'm excited and slightly nervous." Said Molly clutching onto Aimee's arm. "Let's go find out if James is here." They all follow Pippin and Brian through the halls backstage, they can hear singing coming from the stage, so they walk towards it. "Okay I think those levels will be fine... hey, there she is! You all made it then?" "We're here aren't we?" "Well, I hope my dad and my sister took good care of you?" They look at Pippin surprised. "Surprise guys." "You girls can either sit in the reserved box or you can sit down in the front row tonight, I have allowed you to sit on the opposite side of the barrier too." "I want to sit in the front row." Smiled Rebecca. "Then the front row you shall have... oh, I just remembered, I have something for your friends." James walked down to the back of the stage, after a few minutes he comes back up with some bags. "Here we go, you each have a goodie bag and they are full of merchandise. We have a hat, t-shirt, posters, cups, keychains and a signed copy of my album." "Thank you." Smiled Molly. "So, if you girls would like, I have set up at buffet in my changing room and some drinks. I just need to finish of a few checks, and I will be right with you." The girls all walk backstage.

As the girls disappeared, he sat down on the edge of the stage and took a deep breath. "Are you okay." Brian sat down beside him. "Yeah, just some pulled muscles from the flight over." "Bumpy flight?" "No, I had a seizure. I don't know how bad because Chrissy won't tell me, I'm guessing it was a bad one because she had to inject me." "Ah, did you speak to your doctor about it?" "I just about have time to go for a dump, let alone call my doctor." "I'll give them a call for you." "You never get bored of looking after us, do you?" "Of course not, you're my kids and I'd do anything for all you." "But you wish I was a little less of a pain in the ass." "You boys were a gift from god to me and your mom, you and Tom never really caused us any problems and God knew that we would be happy to look after you. We would always do what we needed to make sure that all of you had what you needed; we did what we had to do." "Difference now is that Tom is better now, he had his new kidney. I can't really get better from this; I do appreciate all that you do for me... I'm thirty and I am determined to conquer this myself." "Yes, you are... almost thirty-one." "Thirty-one and a dad to four kids." "I know that feeling, I was only thirty-three when Rian came along. Five kids at the same age as you and I made it, I know you can make it too." "Thanks, hey I know you're only here as the appropriate adult for the girls, but would you like to join me on stage tonight? It'll be a huge surprise for the fans." "I guess I could do, it should be fun." "Do you think your old bones can handle it?" "I don't have old bones; I can still move with the best of them." "I know." "So, where's Christian?" "She's having a bit of a spa day at the hotel; she deserves to relax and be pampered after putting up with me." "I'm glad you two have sorted everything out between you, you've been together far too long to just throw it all away." "Seven years married is a long time, we got together when I was eighteen, it seems a long time ago." "I can't even remember what I was doing when I was eighteen." "Did you join the Backstreet Boys when you were eighteen?" "Yes, I did, well done for remembering." "Well you have told us the story about three or four hundred times." "It's a good story, I'm sure you'll tell your kids your story." "I think I've already done that." He laughed. "Well tomorrow will be another story to add, being on stage with your own dad on your tour." "It'll be the best story ever." "Are we going to sing the song we recorded for the album?" "I think that would be nice, do you remember the day we wrote the music for it?" "It was a long time ago, I know that." "I'm happy that we get to finally sing it tonight, I think mom would have loved to have been here to hear it." "Yeah, she would. Then again, she loved anything we sang, or you sang." "So, what's with the new lady in your life?" "Khloe? Well we're still seeing how things go, still getting to know one another." "Is she nice?" "Yeah, I guess, I like her. I know she's not your mom..." "Nobody is going to be anything close to my mom." "And I'm not looking to replace her, not in a million years. I'm just looking for a bit of companionship, I get lonely sometimes." "I'm not telling you what to do, you're entitled to do whatever you please. I just want you to make the right choices, I don't want your heart broken again." "And I will do, that's why I'm not rushing into things." "Good, well, shall we get some rehearsals in?" "I think that would be a great idea." James stands up on the stage. "You want a hand up, old man?" "Less of the old, you." He laughed and grabbing James' hand he stood up.

That evening the show was going well, the arena was packed full of screaming fans. James walked out onto the stage and sat down on a chair in the middle of the runway. "You don't mind if I take a seat, do you?" The crowd screamed. "Can I have the house lights up a minute please? I want to see all these amazing people." The room lit up. "Hello everyone... I just wanted to take the time out to thank each and every one of you for all of your love and support over the last few days." The crowd screamed. "It means so much to me and my family... talking of family, I have my little sister here tonight. She has brought a few of her friends along too... hey Pippin, I love you, bub. Say hi to Pippin everyone, she's sat down the front here." He smiled and waved at her. "Talking of family, I have a little something special for you. First, I'll have to pick up my chair and when I pass it to these magicians down here, it should turn into a guitar." He dropped the chair down to the stagehands who then pass him the guitar. "See, I told you, magic... I know what you're all thinking, James you don't play the guitar. That's right, I don't; but I do know someone who does. I of course, play this." He placed the guitar down on the stand and his piano appears from under the stage. "Do you like it? This is my very own grand piano." He takes a seat in front of it. "Okay, now. The next song has its own story and will be on the next album, so tonight will be a very special performance for me and for all of you. This song came about a long time ago when I was over at my parent's house, I was just playing around with the keys on here and just finding some sort of tune... then, I was joined by someone who is a very special person in my life. This man has been there for me; and my brothers, through our difficult birth and all our ups and downs. He taught me right from wrong and when I became a father to my kids, he was the person that I wanted to be... please welcome to the stage, for one night only... My father, Brian Littrell!" Brian walked onto the stage and picked up his guitar before being microphoned up. "Hi everyone, how are y'all doing tonight?" the crowd screamed with excitement. "This song, we wrote together just over seven years ago. Our family was going through one of the toughest times in our lives, we wrote this song for my mom... sadly, she never got to hear it as she passed away before we could finish it. So, tonight we will be singing it just for you... this is 'Heavenly Angel.'" James starts to play on the piano and is shortly joined by Brian on the guitar.

After a tough performance, the song ended, and the crowd cheered. "Thank you... you know, I was just thinking. You know the first time I stood on stage was at one of my dad's concerts, I was with my twin brothers and a beautiful brown eyed girl, who would end up being my wife. We were five years old then and here I am, twenty-five years later and I'm on stage with him again." "It's been a long time, hasn't it? Hey Jim, while we're here, shall we sing another song? Maybe one of my old ones?" "Would you like us to do that?" he asked the crowd, the crowd cheered back. "Okay, what shall we do?" "Why don't we sing 'Welcome home'?" "That sounds like a good one, just give me a few seconds to just go and grab something." He runs to the edge of the stage where he is handed a guitar. "I lied guys, of course I play guitar." He sat on a stool next to Brian and they started to play.

The show went well, and Brian and the girls soon made their way to Nick's house. "Okay, I have to say today has been amazing, we met James, who turned out to be your brother, and your dad was one of the backstreet boys. Now we're going to your uncles, how many more surprises can one person get in one day?" smiled Elizabeth. "Well, my uncle is Nick Carter, he was also a backstreet boy." "See, this is so amazing." She smiled. "Best night ever." Said Rebecca. They pull up to the house. "Here we are, come on, let's go say hi." Smiled Brian as he stepped out of the car, he walked over and knocked on the front door; it's soon answered by Kerry. "Hey Brian, look at these lovely girls. Come on in, Nick's just watching Noah." "Why's Noah here?" "Lacey and Tom are on a date night; they should be back soon to pick him up." "It's getting pretty late." "Tell me about it, Lacey never said anything about having him over night." "I'm sure they won't be too long." "Okay girls, we have made a room up especially for all of you; so, follow me and I'll show you the room." They walk up the stairs and over to the room, the floor is covered with large bean bags and loads of blankets and cushions. "Wow, aunty Kerry this is awesome." "We thought you'd like it, there's a mini fridge with some drinks and snacks for you all to share too. Don't forget, there is the on-suite bathroom; so, you shouldn't need to wander around the house too much." "Thank you." Smiled Molly. "Not a problem, I will leave you girls to sort out your stuff and get ready for bed okay?" Kerry walked down the stairs to join Nick and Brian in the living room.

She sat on the sofa next to Nick. "Did they like the room?" "Of course, they did." "Thank you for putting us up for the night." "What are you on about? You know we don't mind you staying, you are family." "I might head up to bed too, I'm not cut out for all this performing lark." "I can't believe we missed it, I bet that was amazing." Smiled Kerry. "It was so good to be there on stage with him, definitely a night to remember." "I bet; I hope someone recorded it so I can watch it." "I think he had the show recorded, he records nearly all of his shows... right I am off to bed, I never thought it would take it out of me that easily." "You're getting old Brian." Laughed Kerry. "I think the getting has been and gone honey and Kerry." Brian laughed as he made his way out of the room and up the stairs.

Sunday 28th September 2032

2 am, Tom and Lacey arrive at the house. "Oh, the lights are all off. You did tell your mom and dad that we'll be home late, right?" "I think so, I can't remember." "We are in so much trouble." "They'll be fine." They walked into the house quietly. "You two made it back then?" asked Nick as he stepped out of the living room. "Yeah, sorry dad, we got caught up with some friends... how was Noah?" "He was a good boy as usual; did you have a nice night?" "It was quite fun, I'm sure you don't want to know all about it now, we should go to bed." Smiled Tom. "Unfortunately, only Lacey's old room is free, Brian, Pippin and some of her friends are staying in the other rooms." "Yay, my dad is here." "Of course, your brother had a show tonight and Pippin invited her friends." "Sounds like a blast." "We're sorry for keeping you up daddy, we'd best make our way to bed. Goodnight daddy, sleep well." "Goodnight Nick." "Goodnight." Tom and Lacey made their way to bed, shortly followed by Nick.

The next morning, Kerry walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. She switched the kettle on before spotting Brian in the garden, he was sat on the edge of the pool, so she walked out to join him. "Good morning you." "Good morning." "You been out here long?" "I have no idea." "Do you want to talk?" "To be honest, I have no idea what to say. I've just been out here, having a swim, taking in everything and just assessing my life... seeing Pip with her friends and thinking how proud I am of her, then it dawns on me, how fast time is just slipping away." "I thought you'd be used to all of that by now?" "I would be, but she's my baby girl. Soon she'll be grown into a beautiful young woman and she won't need me as much anymore." "All daughters need their daddy, look at Lacey, she loves Nick and they always talk and spend time together. You don't see Jen that much and she loves you just as much as she did the last time you saw her, don't worry so much." "I'm not worried, I just over think things." "Did the girls sleep okay?" "After talking and giggling for an hour it was quiet, I heard Lacey and Tom arrive home." "I know and we can't even tell them off because they're adults now, I know we were just as bad growing up." "I can't remember being like that at all." He chuckled. "Ooh, you little fibber, you know I've known you longer than I've actually known you." "I know, oh how I'd love to go back to being that age again." "Which age? Back to when I met you. That was a strange time, that was definitely a shock and surprise." "I'd still go back to that time, over and over again." "I bet you would, that was when you and Wizz got together. Well, if I had a time machine then I would happily take you back there." She smiled. Chatter came from the house. "Well, looks like the girls are up. Put a shirt on before you scare them away, actually, ignore that, gives me something to look at." "Kerry! Nick is just through them doors; you'll get me in trouble." He laughed as she walked towards the house.

She walked into the kitchen. "Good morning girlies." "Good morning aunty Kerry." Smiled Pip. "Can I make you girls something for breakfast?" "Just some toast will be okay, thank you. Is my dad okay?" "Of course, he is. He's just having a swim and some thinking time; you know what he's like." "Yes, I do, he's just not been right the past few days." "He's still adjusting to being back here, do you like being back here and in your new school?" "Yeah, I've already made new friends. I just don't know how everyone else will be when they all find out who my brother is." "Who? Me? Good morning beautiful and Kerry, who is of course very beautiful." Tom kissed Pip on the head. "I'm not on about you, I was talking about James." "Ah, what about him?" "She's worried that kids at school will only want to be friends with her because of Jim." "You will know who your real friends are, they'll be the ones who'll be hanging with you because they love you, like I do." "But you're my brother." "Yeah, well they'll still love you the same and enjoy talking about other things, other than James. Besides, I'm better looking than him anyway, chicks love one arm." "Yeah? Where is it by the way?" asked Kerry. "Bit late to ask that isn't it? I'm kidding, I always take it off when I'm home with Noah." "Sounds fair, where is Noah?" "Lace is getting him dressed." The toast popped up and after buttering it all Tom helped Pippin to take them into the dining room.

They placed them on the table. "Relax girls, I'm not the boy wonder; but I am his better-looking twin brother." "You're Tom." Smiled Elizabeth. "Yes, I am." "I watched you on the computer, you were singing with James and your brother Scott." "Well, someone certainly does her homework." "Tom did release an album before James, it didn't get far but it was still good." "We can all try bub, now I just sell homes to the rich and famous." "Which he is also good at." "Don't they mind that you're disabled?" asked Leoni, they all look at her in shock. "My brother isn't disabled; we don't used that word in our house. He is just special and he can do just as much as you and I can... he once gave my dad a heart attack after he climbed to the top of a tree outside our home in Kentucky, Tom was only five and my dad looked away for just a minute... besides, Tom has a mechanical arm and you wouldn't even notice the difference." "Wow Pip, you don't have to be defensive. It's fine, my company don't mind, and it doesn't affect my work. I don't mind people asking me questions, it's better than having them just stare at me. Anyway, I will leave you girls to enjoy your breakfast as I have a lot to do today." "Bye Tom." Tom left the room.

He walked into the kitchen. "What a gorgeous site to see in the morning, my wonderful family; good morning beautiful." "Good morning, well, aren't you in a happy bunny this morning." Said Lacey. "I know, right? Is your dad still upstairs? I want to talk to him before we head to church." "Yes, he's still upstairs." "Awesome." Tom ran up the stairs as Brian walked into the kitchen with his towel over his shoulders. "He's in a rush?" "Yeah, he wanted to talk to my dad before we went to church." "Ah yes, I'd better go and get changed out of this." "Did you bring your suit with you?" "Of course." "Can I just look at you like that for a few more minutes." "Mom!" "I can't help it, just don't tell your dad. Okay then, you may go and get changed." Smiled Kerry as Brian made his way upstairs, Nick walked down the stairs. "Good morning family... Kerry, Kerry your husband has entered the room." He laughed. "I saw ya... don't you sound happy? What did Tomas want from you?" "Nothing much, he just thanked me for looking after Noah last night." "Thank you from me too, we're sorry that we ended up coming home late." "Noah was asleep hours before you came back anyway, it would have been unfair to wake him up." "True." "Why's everyone getting dressed up?" "It's Sunday, Brian goes to church." "I completely forgot, is Pippin going? Because I'm not sure all of her friends are church goers." "If they're not then we'll just have them here, they can use the pool and have some fun until they get back." "I guess so, right, breakfast." Nick opened the cupboard.

Brian walked down the stairs and into the living room. "You girls okay?" "Yes, thank you, Mr. Littrell." Smiled Molly. "That's good, I'm popping out for a while, what are your plans for the day?" "I thought we could go to the mall; I could see if Jim is free and if he can join us." "You can only ask, if that's what you girls want to do then I get can our driver to take you in the limo." "Yes please, that would be awesome." "Just make sure you behave; I will transfer some money onto your card." "Thank you, by the way you look really smart today." "Stop creeping, I've already said that I'd give you some money." Brian left the room and walked into the kitchen. "Would you like a coffee before you go?" "Yes, please Nick, Tom should be down soon." "I can't believe you brought a suit with you." "Well it's Sunday, I always go to church on Sunday. I wasn't going to miss a day because I was here." "We wouldn't want you to, you do look very smart." Smiled Kerry. "Thank you, the girls will be going out shopping, so you'll have some peace and quiet for a few hours." "To be honest Brian, it's been nice to have some noise for a while." Said Kerry. "Well, hopefully I won't be doing all of this again anytime soon. It is nice to meet some of her friends, I didn't really see any of her friends while we were in London." "Maybe she was keeping a low profile, it must be hard for her having a famous dad and famous brothers." Said Lacey. "Yeah, maybe she's worried in case her friends only like her because of that reason, it would be nice for her to have friends who like her for just being Pippin." said Kerry. "I understand that, but I don't know how I can make that easier for her." "She's only just started school where she is and I'm sure it will take her a little while to find out who are really her friends. Just give her some time, anyway you, you best rush that boy of yours before you're late." Brian called up the stairs for him and a few minutes later they were on their way to the church.

That evening they made their way back to Orlando.

Monday 29th September 2032

Rian arrived at his dad's house. "Hey ya'll I'm home." "What are you doing here?" asked Brian. "I have a Christening later." "Didn't you have a date last night?" "In a way, relationships are just not on my agenda at the minute. I have a lot of work on and I haven't got the time." "It's not like they're crazy jobs, weddings, funerals, baptizing babies, all that before slapping on baby oil and posing for photos." "Don't forget my work out, it takes a lot to look this good, you know that yourself." "So, does the girl like you?" "Back to that? She probably does but what's not to like? But she only likes me for my modelling because she finds my other jobs boring." "Maybe she just doesn't understand it, your jobs are very opposite." "It's very quiet here." "Pip is at school." "She is? What time does she finish?" "Three thirty." "Hey, why don't I pick her up from school today?" "Do you have time for that?" "Yes, I have a christening to do in about an hour and then a wedding at four-thirty. I could see if she wants to come along." "To someone else's wedding?" "Yeah, she can have a sing with the choir." "You can only ask her." "If she doesn't want to, then I'll drop her back here once I've pronounced the new Mr. and Mrs. And we've had some dinner, give you a little bit of a break. You could even give Khloe a call and invite her over, spend some time together." "I might, or I can just enjoy a movie marathon on my own." "There's nothing wrong with a little company." "This coming from you worries me, you are never short of company Rian." "I can't help that I'm loved by many, anyway, I will go now and get things ready for this christening. I'll call round later too." "No doubt you'll be camping here until your nightmare ends." "You know you love me." "Go, leave my house." "Yes, sir." Rian left the house and made his way to the church.

3:25pm and Rian was parked outside the school gates waiting for Pippin, she had met up with a few friends in the lobby. "So, what are you up to now?" asked Molly. "No idea, maybe just a movie night with my dad." "Fair enough... so I guess that car has something to do with you?" "You could say that." "Is that James's?" "Don't get too excited, he wouldn't drive anything like that." Rian got out of the car and smiled at her. "Well, hello there..." "Tongue in, you. This is my other brother Rian... what are you doing here?" "I'm picking you up obviously... who is this?" "This is Molly." "Hi Molly." "So why would you pick me up from school?" "Because I wanted to take you out for dinner... once I've finished a wedding." "I knew there was an alternate reason." "Please?" "Seriously?" "You can bring Molly along, I'm sure she loves a nice wedding." "Is this your wedding?" "No, Rian is a pastor." "And you drive that? Well, the church certainly pays well." "It's not his only job, do I have to help you?" "You know you love to sing, and I know this couple will love it too." "You sing in church?" asked Molly. "We all have... okay, but just this once." "Awesome, what about Molly?" "I'm not singing." "You can pretend, I'll drop you home first so you can get changed out of the school stuff." "I'm up for that, sounds like fun." Smiled Molly. "Awesome." They climbed into the Humvee and after the girls were changed out of their uniform, they made their way to the church.

They walked into a room at the back of the church. "Okay, you can put these on while I go and get changed before the groom arrives." "Great." They smiled as Rian left the room, Molly started to laugh. "Do I really have to wear this?" "Yes, it's okay, nobody will know who you are, and I promise not to post pictures." The girls get changed before walking out to join the choir.

The wedding proceeded as Molly and Pippin watched and sang along with the hymns, the Bride and Groom said their vows and as they were pronounced husband and wife Pippin stepped up. She sang her solo of 'Thousand Years', to which a surprised Molly started to record her on her phone. The ceremony soon ended, and Molly left with the rest of the choir to get changed, now back in her normal clothes she went looking for Pippin. She knocked on the door of another room before entering and walking in on a shirtless Rian. "Oh, sorry, I was looking for Pip." "No worries, she's out talking with the new couple." Rian put on his shirt and collar." "Very smart, you did a good job. Maybe you'll still be here when I get married... How old are you?" "I'm twenty-four." "Your mum left a big gap between you." "Yeah, well Pip wasn't exactly planned, but we all love her, and we couldn't be without her now. She means the world to us and very much to our dad." "I wish my family would think of me like that." "Maybe they do." "No, they just think I'm annoying." "I think Pippin's annoying too, we also love her for being that way too. With only my dad bringing her up, we never expected any less and some of the things we've all been through just makes us appreciate and love each other more." "That was really sad, what happened to your mum, I don't know what I'd do if I lost my mum." "Well, it was a really quick thing when it came down to it, but Pippin was only a baby when she passed; she doesn't really remember her." "That's sad." "Can I ask you not to talk about it with her, she's quite sensitive about it." "I won't talk to her unless she wants to." "Thank you, well I best go make an appearance before they all leave. We can get some burgers and fries for dinner if you're hungry." "Yeah." They walk outside in the sunshine, and stand watching as the photographer took photos and Rian was thanked by friends of family on his service.

They soon made their way to the restaurant and after ordering a lot of food they made their way to their seats. "This is so strange, having dinner with a vicar." "I'm a pastor and I'm still a normal person. "Oh, I never did find out about your other job. The church would never pay for you have a Humvee." "Well Rian's other job is the complete opposite to this one, like totally." "Okay, so what do you do?" "I'm a model, I mainly model underwear in lad mags and catalogues." "Oh, are you gay?" "No, I'm bisexual." "That's so cool, okay, Pippin officially has the coolest family ever." "Just make sure it's kept between us, right? Others may get jealous." she laughed. "I still can't believe nobody has even clicked, given your surname is Littrell. It's so crazy, my mum used to be a fan of your dad. James Littrell is your brother, your brother Tom has an awesome arm and is obviously very hot because he's James's twin. Now I've met Rian who is a bisexual underwear modelling pastor." "We are quite a family; she does have an older sister and another brother." "How many of you are there?" "Pippin is baby number six, her older sister Jen is thirty-two and is a teacher, Scott is James and Toms other triplet brother and he plays basketball in Kentucky for the wildcats." "Can your dad adopt me? please?" "I'm glad that you think that we're cool, Pip is lucky to have a friend like you." "You mean I'm lucky to have met her, she's always so quiet at school. Then we find out all of this about you and not just that, but you sing too, you're amazing." "That's down to our dad, he took her to all the recording sessions he had and all the shows he did. We knew she'd get the singing bug in the end." "Do you sing too?" "I do, I keep that between me and the shower." "You're not that good then?" she laughed. "No idea, I've never really sung in front of anyone." "I've heard you sing before; you always sing in the car." Said Pippin. "That doesn't count Pip." "Yeah it does, you're just lucky because you avoided dads' radar; saying that Jen has too." "So, what are your family like Molly?" "Well, compared to your family mines pretty normal and boring. We're just your regular family, mum and dad both work and I just go to school." "I think my family are normal too, my dad worked hard throughout his life to provide for us. Yeah, he had a great job, singing on stage around the world to thousands of people. The only downside was that he was hardly ever home, and he never really got to see my brothers and sisters, time with all of us was a rare thing and we moved from home to home a lot. We'd be in our home in England, then we'd be in Kentucky then back to Orlando. We had an awesome mom though and she looked after us and kept us in check." "Now we just have our dad, who looks after us all and especially our little cub bear." "Seriously, you had to call me that?" "I always call you that." "Not in front my friends." "Sorry." "I think it's cute that you all have nicknames for each other." "That was my dad's fault, he calls our older sister Teddy bear. Now it's made its way down the line as we're all his cubs." "You know there's nothing you say that will stop me from thinking you're awesome, plus there's no way on earth I would ever have thought I'd be in here eating dinner." "Rian used to work here; he knows the chef as they used to date." "Wow, okay." "Don't get excited, it never lasted. We wanted different things; she was way too high maintenance." "This, coming from my brother who has an all over body wax and tan, drives an ex-army Humvee and lives on his own in a five-bedroom house." "I like what I like, and I've earnt it. I don't want women wanting me for my money so they can use me as a cash machine, if they want the life, I have then they should be able to get there themselves. Mom never asked dad for penny, if she wanted something then she'd find a way to get it herself. Yeah, we lived in big houses, but dad bought those for us kids." Pip looked at Rian. "What? It's only when the triplets came along mom and dad moved from the three-bed house in England to a bigger house." "Do you mind if get off this subject please." "Yeah, of course, I'm sorry... how about deserts? I think an amazing sundae each will go down a treat." Rian walked over to the bar to order. "It's okay, you know you can talk to me when you want to okay?" "Thank you." After their meal Rian dropped them home.

Pippin walked up to her room and sat on her bed, there was a knock at her door. "Come in." "Hey bubba bear, did you have a good day?" "Yeah." "Yeah? Are you sure?" "Yeah, Just, you know what Rian's like?" "What did he do?" "He was talking to Molly about mom." "Oh, okay." "It's just really hard for me, he got to know her and has all these great memories of her... I didn't get a chance to know her like that." Brian sat down on the bed next to her. "I know it's unfair baby, he likes to talk about your mom and remember her and he does get a bit over excited about it. I know he never meant to upset you in any way, maybe he thought you'd like to hear about it too." "Nobody understands how I feel because all of my friends have their moms." "You can talk to me about it, I will always be here to listen." "I can't though." "Why?" "Because I can see the hurt in your eyes when her name is mentioned." "That's not hurt baby, that's just all the good times flooding back. I'm sorry if I made you think differently." "It's okay dad, it's just difficult when you remember seeing your mom one minute and then she's gone the next. I do remember that day, she carried me on her lap, and she was smiling at me and stroking my hair. I remember leaving the house with Jen... then everybody was sad, and I didn't see mom no more." "It was a sad time, but I was so blessed that I get to have you here with me, my baby girl. You know you mean everything to me, and you were equally if not more special to your mom." "You know you don't have to keep me safe anymore dad, surprisingly I can look after myself." "I know you can, but as your dad, I will always worry about you, all of you. I'm happy that you're happy to be here again, I am too." "I love this house, what's going to happen to the house in England?" "I'm having all our things shipped over and the house will be put on the market. We don't need it anymore, this our home now and I don't have any plans to leave here again... unless it's in a box... anyway, will you be joining me? I thought we could snuggle on the sofa and watch a movie together." "Yeah, I think I'd like that." "Good, I'll go and set everything up and let you have some time to yourself for a minute." "Thank you, daddy, I love you." "I love you to, always." "Always daddy." Brian walked down the stairs and Pippin soon joined him for the movie.

Monday 13th October 2032

There was a knock at the door. "Don't rush Pippin, I'll get it." "Thank you, dad." He opened the front door. "Hey Kevin, this is a bit of a surprise to see you here." "I know, but I thought I would drop by and check on you." "You don't need to check on me." "I thought I'd join you today." "Okay, Pippin are you ready for school yet?" "Yes dad, hey Uncle Kevin." "Hey, you, don't you look smart for school, are you running late?" "Nope, I'm just leaving now so I'll be on time." "I hope you have a good day." "Thank you... dad I'm going now." "Wait, I need my huggles before you go." He runs into the hall and hugs her before she rushed out of the door.

Kevin and Brian sit down in the living room. "I didn't know if you had any plans today?" "Well I wouldn't really call them plans; I was going to meet up with Lolly later for lunch. I think she's going to the cemetery with AJ this morning." "Have you been?" "No, I might go later. Have you been?" "Yeah, I put some flowers down then I came here to show some support." "Why do people think I'm going to crumble when it comes to her birthday? She's had six birthdays since she died and I'm still fine, I'm still here, one more won't hurt me." "That's good... so change of subject, what's going on with a certain lady called Khloe?" "Well, now, nothing. I think that's partly my fault. The kids have been on at me about it and how it should be good for me, but I honestly don't know how I feel about it." "Are you attracted to her?" "I guess, I think it's just very different." "It's going to be different; you were in a great relationship for twenty odd years and then single for the past seven years." "But I just keep thinking, do I really need someone in my life?" "You don't think you do?" "Do you think I do?" "You don't need me to tell you what you need, you're old enough to make your own mind." "I mean, I did enjoy the company and it was fun." "Then call her and arrange another date," "I'll think about it, maybe not today though yeah?" "Of course." "Can I get you a coffee? I haven't offered you one yet." "That would be great." They walked into the kitchen.

That afternoon Brian met up with Laura in the town, they sat down at a small café. "Well, don't you look amazing as usual? Hey beautiful." "You're such a creep Mr. Littrell." they ordered themselves some lunch. "It's a shame Joey couldn't join us; she and Kev did lay some flowers down this morning." Said Brian. "I saw them as me and AJ dropped by, I did notice that you hadn't put any down yet. I gathered you were going to go down there later." "Yeah, I wanted to go down and spend some time with her, like I usually do." He started to smile. "You okay?" "Yeah, I can just imagine what she'd be doing right now. Dragging you around the shops trying to find a new outfit and getting ready for her party, she'd be rushing around so that everything was perfect in time." "Yep, she would also know that you'd already have things sorted and ready for her." "I would have too... it's just a strange feeling you know? When it gets to this time and Christmas. I don't think it'll be a feeling that I'd ever be able to get over, seven years and it's still there." "I understand that." "It always seems like we meet up and I moan and complain about still having feelings for a woman who's no longer with me, I shouldn't be moaning, should I? I should be celebrating her life and how she made me feel amazing every time I looked at her and saw her smile, how she was the life of the party and what an important part of our lives she was. How she was an amazing mother to our children." "She was all of those things, and more. She never shut up talking about you, even before she met you, then again she never shut up talking about you when you were with her." "Love was strong with that one... if only I could have done something to keep her here... I'm trying to move on, I really am. Does that make me a bad person?" "No, why would it make you a bad person? You know you deserve happiness." "I just think I'm finding it hard to make a connection." "Khloe liked you." "Yeah I know." "But there can be one Wizzy." "That's true, it's just every time I try and date, I can just see her like subconsciously." "You can't help it; you had a very unique and special relationship." "Unique?" "You know, you were never draped over each other all the time, you showed your love and affection towards each other in your own way. You weren't grabbing each other and snogging in public, you could see how much you loved each other just by the way you looked at each other. It was like you had your own language, you would just look at each other and you'd know what the other one was thinking... it was really sweet." "See, I want that back again. You can't just find that with whoever." "Then you just have to adjust." "I think I'll just stay on my own... I don't mind it; I have Pippin at home and she needs all of my attention." "Just don't give up in Brian, you never know when someone will turn up out of the blue." "Well, I won't be rushing." He smiled.

After lunch Brian made his way home to wait for Pippin to get home from school, just as he sat down there was a knock at the door. "One minute." He opened the front door to a smiling Kerry. "Well, there's a face I wasn't expecting to see today, come on in, why are you here?" "I came to see you obviously." "Okay, still why?" "So, we can talk about stuff." "It feels like I do nothing but talk today." "Well now you have me to talk to... Pip not home?" "She should be home in about half an hour." Kerry sat down on the sofa and tapped the seat next to her. "Come and sit next to Kerry." He sat down next to her and looked at her. "Well come on, let it all out. I know deep down that you want to talk about it" "I love seeing you and talking to you, I needed to come and see you today even if it does make me sad." "Why?" "Because we should have been celebrating today, but you're here on your own in this massive house." "I really don't mind it, honestly. I like time to myself and my own thoughts." "But I miss her, and I want to talk about her." "Then talk about her, I don't have any problem with listening." "I love it when you look like that?" "Like what?" "I dunno, you just do that thing with your eyes; you look like you're excited and intrigued at the same time." "Okay, I can't even picture that but anyway." "Like, I had to come over because I was thinking about the first time, I met you, and I don't mean on tv, but actually met you. I remember walking through the park and seeing Wizz and then there you were, you just looked so happy to be with her." "I was happy with her; it was a nice night and it was nice to be alone with her." "You weren't really alone though because you had Michelle's kids." "Yeah, apart from that. In fact, I think I used them as an excuse to steal her away." "I could tell you's was meant to be together, especially when all she did was go on and on about you." "Everyone's said that." "It was true, were you actually dating then?" "No, we got together about a year later." "You waited all that time, see now that's what you'd definitely call being in love." "We could have been together sooner, but we were stuck away on tour." "That's the parts I didn't like much, you lot flying off around the world and not seeing you all, unless you were on tv." "But at least you got to see us, I would just be counting down the days until I could see her and hold her again. To kiss her as she smiled and see those little dimples that she had on her cheeks... I loved the smell of her hair and her body; she would wash herself in coconut scented everything." Kerry smiled at him. "Sorry, I think I got a little lost for a moment." "You're alright, I just think it's so lovely that you can remember her like that still. I think I would like someone to remember me like that one day." "I'm sure Nick would." "I sometimes sit, and I really think mine and Nicks relationship is boring compared to yours and Linzi's." "Really, I wouldn't say that at all. You and Nick have your own little ways and to be honest, it was always interesting to hear about your days from either yourself or Nick." "Really?" "Yeah." "So, you think me, and Nick have a good connection?" "You guys connect how you connect, we're all different and you have your own way of loving each other." "I used to wish me, and Nick had the same sort of relationship and connection you and Wizz had, like you were reading each other's minds and psychically holding each other without being next to each other." "Everyone tells me that too." "That's because you did, and you can see it in all of the photos of the pair of you." She looked around the room. "You don't have many photos about; you have the family portrait and a few of the kids." "I don't need millions of photos to show me what's important in my life, I keep a few wedding pictures by my bed but if the kids want to see pictures then they can." "Fair enough I guess." She held Brian's hand as a tear ran down her cheek. "Hey, you're okay." He smiled. "I just feel so silly." "Don't, I completely understand, and I know how you feel." "I shouldn't be crying in front of you, I was just thinking about her and the times before you two were together." "I don't think I've really been told about those times; I know you used to sing together." "Yeah and the crazy fun sleepovers in her mums living room, they were the good times. I think if it wasn't for how enthusiastic Linzi was, I don't think I would have ever got into singing. We were like the female version of you guys, Joe was Kevin because she was the oldest out of all of us, Linzi was you because she had so much energy and she enjoyed being on the stage. I was the Nick of the group because me and Wizz were quite close and we'd bounce off each other with ideas and we'd always be laughing, Laura was the Howie because she was so quiet and not as outspoken as the rest of us and then Jen was our AJ, because she was skinny and always looked serious... but when we came together on stage, we just clicked and we all worked well together." "Shame I never got to see that." "Crazy how the time just flew by isn't it? Just wish we had a time machine and we could go back to those days and spend a bit longer there." "Believe me, if I could do it all over again I would do, but I know that there still couldn't have been anything I could have done to change things to keep her here with me forever." "Do you blame yourself for what happened to her? You know it wasn't anything you ever did; things just happen Brian. You did everything you needed to do and that was being there for her, I tell you know, she really appreciated everything you ever did for her. She'd be proud of you right now; Pip is so amazing and so beautiful and you're such a good dad." "I do my best." "Well your best is amazing." "Thank you." "And you're still so cute... would you like me to come with you later? A little bit of support?" "No, I want to do it on my own. You could, however, watch Pippin for me while I go out." "I would love to; I love spending time with her." "Thank you." Pippin walked in. "Dad, I'm home." "I'm in the living room with Aunty Kerry." She walked into the room. "Everything okay?" "Yeah, Kerry just stopped by for a visit, she's going to keep you company while I pop out for a while." "Okay." "Well, I'm going to go and have a quick shower and freshen up." Brian walked up the stairs.

That evening he made his way down the cemetery; he lay a single white rose on her headstone. "Happy Birthday baby, here I am. Today you would have been fifty... I see the kids have all been to see you, all these colorful flowers to reflect you in all ways. So sweet, beautiful and can brighten up even the darkest of days. So, I bring you a white rose, to symbolize your pure and open heart... seven years and it still never seems to get easier, I still wish I could hold you in my arms every night and kiss you again in the mornings. I sat with Kerry and Laura today, it's nice that they care about me and they still hold a lot of love in their hearts for you as do I. I had to comfort Kerry as she got emotional, as she does every year on your birthday... for me, you made a big impact on our world, you may not have thought you were one of the biggest pebbles in the world; but even the smallest of pebbles can cause the biggest ripples in the largest of lakes. Even till this day those ripples can still be felt, by everybody you have left behind." He sat down on a bench and taking out a photo from his wallet he smiled. "One of the best moments in my life... even though it was a bit rushed, I still wouldn't have changed a thing; the best decision I ever made... Everyone always asks if I would ever find someone else, I don't think that I ever want to. I tried; I did but I don't want to have any other connection with someone than the one I had with you. I know it's still there; I can feel it; like you're always with me. I guess the roles are reversed now, it used to be me watching you from a distance but now it's you... I hope you're proud of the man that I am now, of the father that I am now. That you're proud of our daughter and that I'm hopefully doing a good job as her father, you know that I would never let pain or suffering come to her ever. I just hope that I'm not smothering her too much with love, I want her to be able to spread her wings and become the woman she wants to be... that scares me too, she's not our baby anymore; she's ten, she's amazing and she's so beautiful. I know that the time will come, and she'll leave home... will you be there for me when that time comes? Can you be there to hold my hand and let me know that everything will be okay? Because my heart will break a little and I will need you just that little bit more... I have wished every day that I could have done more for you, I wish that I could have helped you earlier and maybe we could have stopped this from happening; I feel I let you down. Lolly said that there was nothing that I could have done, and Kerry said the same thing too. So why can't I get it out of my head? I know you knew things weren't right and I hope you never said anything because you thought you would upset me, or even maybe because I just wasn't giving you enough of my time and attention? I know I have asked you the same question every year and I know I will never know the answer, but if I don't ask then I will just drive myself crazy... I know what you're thinking, you're thinking that I should just shut up for five minutes and take a breather." He took a deep breath in and a long breath out. "Thank you, anyway, I hope our lord is looking after you up there and he's throwing you an epic party for you. I know deep down inside I'll be celebrating you; I hope that you're happy where you are?... I know I say this all the time but, I miss you so much and I love you so much. My best friend, soul mate, my lover, my wife... I'm trying to leave this place without feeling my heart break into a million pieces but it's really difficult... Lord please keep her safe for me until I see her again, keep her as wonderful and as beautiful as she ever was. So, when I meet her at your door, I know my heart will be whole again, amen... I hope you had a good today baby; I will be back to see you again very soon. I love you baby." He made his way out of the cemetery and over to the car park, for a while he just sat in his car and cried to himself.

He soon made his way home, parking his car up in the driveway he took a few deep breaths before making his way into the house. "You're back then?" "Smiled Kerry. "Here I am." "You found that hard, didn't you? I can tell you've been crying because you still have puffy eyes, so don't tell me that you're okay because you're not, are you?" "It's just a hard place to leave, you know?" "Did you have a good talk to her, say what you wanted to say?" "Yeah, I think I may have talked a little too much, I could hear her telling me to shut up for five minutes because I was driving her crazy... I just wanted to hear her voice again." "You have videos that you can watch if you want. I can sit with you and we can watch them together." "Don't you need to get back for Nick?" "Nick will completely understand, and he really wouldn't mind, you need a friend to get through the rest of today." "Thank you." They walked back into the living room and sat down on the sofa. "I need to get something; I'll be back in a minute." Pippin walked out of the room and a few moments later she walked back in and placed a cake with a candle on the table. "What's this?" asked Brian. "Well, you can't celebrate a birthday without a birthday cake, can you?" She lit the candle. "Happy birthday mom." She blew the candle out.

Wednesday 24th December 2032

"Good morning daddy." "Good morning baby." "The tree is very pretty this year." "It is." "How long have you been stood there?" "No idea." "Is there any eggnog?" "Yes, yours is in the carton in the fridge, the stuff in the living room is not for you." "Aww, boring. What time will everyone be here?" "Soon." "I've made a space for Grace to sleep in my room tonight." "She'll enjoy that." "I'm glad that we're back here for Christmas, I love this big house and this big tree and having everyone around. Our small house and small tree were nice, but this is always more special." "I was just looking at the ornaments, I found the one you made on our first Christmas after your mom passed. I made sure I put it pride of place, so everyone can see it." "I can't remember making it." "You were three, I think nearly all these ornaments were made by everyone in our family." "Do I have time to make one this year?" "Of course." "Cool, well I will go and drink my eggnog and then I will make a start. You, I think it would be best to put on some clothes before everyone arrives. I may be used to seeing you in your boxers, dad, but others may find that uncomfortable." "I think you'll find you're wrong." "Yuck, gross. I'm going to my room." Pippin walked up the stairs.

There's a knock at the front door, Brian turned around and answers it. "Jen? What are you doing here?" "Hey Brian." "Come in, it's freeing out there." She walked into the hall and looked up at the tree, Brian closed the door. "Wow, the tree looks amazing." "It sure does, so, how are you? Why are you here?" "I'm good, I just felt like visiting, I hope that's okay?" "Yeah." "Well, you're looking good, life has been good to you." "I do my best, I still work out, eat healthy. You're looking good too." He took her jacket and hung it up. "Do you usually answer the door in your underwear?" "No, I was just about to put some clothes on when you arrived. Go on through to the living room while I grab myself some clothes." Jen walked into the living room and Brian walked into the laundry room. After putting on a pair of trousers and a shirt he walked back into the living room. "Now that's more like it... this place hasn't changed much since I was last here, it's just quieter." "Yeah, now all the kids have grown up and left, it's just me and Pippin here now." "Oh yes, how old is she now?" "She's ten." Pippin walked through the door and picked up her paper and coloring pencils. "Here she is, Pip this is Jen. She used to be a friend of your moms." "Hi, I forgot to take these up with me. I have a few ideas what I want to make." "Okay baby." She left the room and walked back upstairs. "She really has grown up and she is so beautiful Brian. You must be a proud dad to have a daughter like her?" "Of course, I am. How can I not be?" "She looks so much like her mum too, doesn't she?" "She really does." "She's changed a lot since she was three." "A lot changes, when you haven't been around for seven years." "Now I feel bad, but you know that wasn't my choice." "What have you been doing all this time?" "Well, I got married again. I have a step-daughter called Sarah, she's the same age as Christian." "Did you bring your husband and daughter with you?" "No, I didn't want to upset anyone." "Don't you think it would have been a good idea? Either way you've gone through all that and your own kids have no idea." "I did tell them I was getting married, it's not my fault they never came along; they had that choice." "Yes, I can't speak for them but I'm sure they had their reasons." "Yeah, they hate me." "I'm sure they don't." Jen looked at him. "You know they hate me, regardless if I'm their mother... I don't blame them, if my mum had done the same to me, I'd probably hate her too." "They don't hate you; I promise you. I should know, I see them all the time." "I know I should drop by and see them; I just hope I don't upset them... how have the rest of your brood been doing?" "They're doing well, Scott is now living in England with his wife." "Wow, he's a brave one, do you miss him?" "Of course, I do, he's flying over today so it'll be great to see him. Tom now lives with Lacey Carter; they have a little boy now called Noah. He works in the city selling houses to the rich and famous, he enjoys it." "he must be good then?" "Yeah, he does a good job." "Can't believe he's with Lacey though, I wouldn't have paired them up together." "Then you're just as shocked as we were, we had no idea at all until they told us they were having a baby together." "Will they get married?" "Well, I think there's plans for that, but we have no idea when." "I see James is doing well, I was at the show when he had Tom up on stage. They were so good together and I forgot how well Tom can sing, he has such a lovely voice and as their voices sound the same, their harmonies were so smooth and lovely." "They've always worked well together, sounding the same helps a little bit." "I was disappointed when I heard about the drinking and drugs though." "Me too, I thought he'd managed to stay clear of those. Then again, I never understood how much he was going through and how depressed he was, felt like a bad father." "Well I trusted him with Christian." "He does love that woman very much and is a very strong soul, she has really been his rock over the years." "If they can get through it then I am happy for them... how have Jen and Alex been?" "They're really good, the girls are amazing and so beautiful. They've been learning to play instruments; Allyssa is learning the violin and Ellysse is learning to play the piano and guitar." "Wow, very talented girls. See what I'm missing out on." "Maybe if you extend the olive branch then things may change." "You do know Alex, right? You know how strong minded he is." "Believe me, he has softened over the years." "I guess I'll soon find out." The front door opens and closes, Rian walked into the living room. "Hello." "You made it then?" "Yeah, the snow's really coming down out there." Jen looked at him. "When did you start letting priests walk into your house?" "I'm a pastor." "I don't just let him in my house, this is Rian." "No way, you're Rian?" "Yes I am." "You're a pastor?" "Yes, I am, among other things." "You know, I would have never thought you were Rian, you look so different from when I last saw you." "Thank you, dad I'm going to get changed out of this outfit and into something a little bit more comfortable, luckily I'm not doing midnight mass tonight, so I can relax." "That's good then." "Yep." Rian wandered off upstairs.

Jen looked at Brian. "He is so good looking; he has such a good body on him." "He does like to work out, he was in the army." "Seriously? Well no wonder and now he's a pastor?" "Yep, and he also does this." Brian opened the magazine that was in front of him. "That's not him is it?" "The very same." "Wow I bet he has all the women after him." "Oh, not just the girls, and he really isn't that fussy about the men that have an interest either." "Really, Rian's gay?" "No, he's bisexual." "Greedy boy." She laughed. "Who's greedy?" Asked Rian as he sat down on the sofa opposite them in his pajama bottoms. "You." Laughed Brian. "Why am I greedy? Have I put on weight?" He stood up and checked himself. "No, sit back down. I was just telling Jen about your sexual preference." "Oh right, but if I really had to say what I preferred more, I would definitely say that I would like a good woman." "Not as such, he's testing her." "You're testing her?" asked Jen. "Yeah, I told her that I never wore a condom when we had sex, but I actually did." "That's awful, what did she say?" "Scarily that she was fine with it... seriously, who says that when you haven't been with someone for that long?" Jen started to laugh as Brian looked at him. "Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot about my dad." "Wow boy, well your mom was fine with it." "I apologize, my mouth and my brain don't usually work together all the time." "You know you could put a shirt on." "Why?" "We have a guest." "It's only my chest, you're just jealous that you don't look this good." "I think your dad looks good." "I'm kidding, I think he looks great for his age... any anyway he hasn't even introduced me to you properly yet, you know me, but I don't know you." "I'm Jen." "Hi Jen, oh, just like my sister." "That's because your mum named your sister after me." "Oh okay... oh, you're that Jen?" "Yes I am." "I know now." He smiled.

The front door opened. "Thank god, it's so good to be home." "Already done that for you brother." Rian held his hand up and James high fived him. "Cheers brother... Oh, hi Jen." "Hello." "I wasn't expecting to see you here." "I was just dropping by..." "Please, don't leave because of me. If it's okay I would like to talk to you." "Of course." "Awesome, let me just put my suitcase in my room." James walked up the stairs. "I guess I should put the kettle on before the house fills up." Brian walked into the kitchen; Jen looked over at Rian. "So, your congregation must love you." "I guess so, I know that some people think that what I do is not your usual pastor lifestyle, but to be honest, I really enjoy what I do. Initially people are shocked when they see me climb out of my Humvee before Sunday mass, but I love my car." "You seriously drive a Humvee?" "Yes, and it's not one of those plastic ones either, I drive an ex-military one." "That's a bit scary, I think even I'd be shocked seeing that. Then to see you in magazines in just your underpants." "When you got it, flaunt it. And that's just one of the tame magazines I'm in, I'm totally naked in others." "Now I am completely shocked." James walked back down the stairs.

Rian looked at him. "Well, I best go and see if my dad needs any help." Rian walked into the kitchen and James sat down on the sofa. "Hi." "Hi, are you okay?" "Yep, just give me minute... I wasn't expecting this moment." "It's okay, take your time." "It's been a long time since I've seen you." "I know, I saw you at the show in London, it was a great night and I really enjoyed it. I had to prove to my friends that you were my son-in-law, they just wouldn't believe me." "You should have said that you were going." "Well, I wasn't sure that you would have wanted to see me." "I know I never got to speak to you about what happened, I never thought of talking to anybody before just blurting it out on the tv. I didn't think about the impact that it would have on my family or friends, it was more an impulsive moment." "You did what you thought you needed to do... okay, granted I was a little disappointed and shocked to hear it." "I honestly didn't know what to do, but I am better now, well in the best way that I can be. I don't drink anymore or do drugs and I no longer self-harm. I've taken to getting tattoos done instead." "I saw, and they look good on you. How are you coping otherwise?" "Not very well, every day is a struggle. I'm good at putting on a brave face about it, but to be honest, right now, Chrissy has been my rock. She has really stood by me and she keeps me going each day. I don't want you to think I don't appreciate her, because I really do, and you know that she's always been the only girl that I will ever love." Jen held his hands in hers. "James, why do you think you need to justify yourself to me?" "Because you're her mom and regardless of past histories, I still respect you for that part." "Well, I thank you for that. James, you're a grown man, you're not that eighteen-year-old boy anymore, you can make your own choices in your own life." "I know that she would love to see you, and I know she loves her dad a whole bunch but as I know all too well, your dad may give you all of the love that's in the world, but you will always need your mom." "Thank you, and it means a lot coming from you. I would love to see her too, but only if she wants to." "She does, I called her when I was upstairs and told her you were here." "Thank you." She smiled. Rian walked in carrying a tray of drinks. "Here we go." "Thank you, Rian, you know I had no idea who you were until your dad told me." "It's okay, we all try and forget who he is sometimes." Laughed James. "Hey, don't you start on me." James stuck his tongue out at him, and Jen laughed.

The front door opened, and Noah ran into the living room. "Uh oh, here comes trouble." "Yes." Smiled Noah. "Yes, you are or yes you're not?" smiled Rian. "No, Uncle Ri." "No, so you're not trouble?" "Yes." "Yes, you're not or yes, you are? You boy, confuse me." "I thought you already were confused." Laughed Tom. "That just never gets old for you does it? Merry Christmas brother." "Merry Christmas, and you Jim... Well, there's someone I haven't seen in a long time, how are you Jen?" "Hi Tom, I'm good. So, this little cutie is your son?" "Yes, he is, but please don't let that cute exterior fool you, that boy is full of nightmarish possibilities, only a whiff of anything sugary and he turns into a tornado of energy and destruction." "No, he does not. Ignore him Jen, Tomas just has no idea how to control him." Smiled Lacey. "I wish you kids would stop growing, look at you. I'm so glad you took after your dad, you look amazing." "Thank you, mom and dad will be up here later; you know mum is never one to miss out on festivities and prosecco." "Are they well?" "Yeah, they're doing okay. Same old, same old." "That's good, hopefully I'll still be here to see them." "Please don't feel as if we're pushing you out, you know everyone is welcome in our family home." Said Rian. "I know, but I honestly don't want to ruin your evening because of the differences between myself and AJ." "Why don't you give it a go, he may surprise you." "I won't promise anything. I'm just going to see where Brian is." Jen got up and walked into the kitchen before making her way out into the garden.

Brian was sat on the steps. "Hey, you okay?" "Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to leave you in there for so long." "That's okay, Tom and Lacey were just introducing me to their boy Noah, he's cute." "He is." "Have I upset you being here? I really didn't want that." "No, you haven't, it's just me. I've been struggling the last few months; it's been tough you know?" "I can't say that I know completely... I know it took me a long time to get over the shock that day you turned up on my doorstep... I really didn't know how to react; it wasn't until you left that it slowly sank in what you had said. Then it just hit me like a ton of bricks, and I couldn't control myself. I just cried and cried after that, I even had to look it up online just to make sure that what you said was true. All the memories just came flooding back and I realized that it really was too late, and that she really was gone." "It was a tough time, just celebrating her birthday, for some reason this year it felt different... I feel guilty." "Why?" "Because if I'd have told you sooner then you could have come to the funeral and said your goodbyes." "I think at the time, I would not have been welcome. I have been to see her, I even sat by her graveside and asked for her forgiveness." "That's good... I still wish that I had told you sooner, instead of waiting for six weeks." "To be honest Brian, I really should have made more of an effort to see you guys and make emends. You had enough on your plate at the time, you'd just become a single father, and that's enough to deal with." "I just hope I did a good job." "Three of your boys and your daughter are in that house, they are so happy and so lovely. You can't tell me you didn't do a good job, if you want to look at a bad parent, then just look at me. I was wrong and I was stupid, if only I had the courage to tell AJ how grateful and thankful, I am, that he bought my kids up so amazingly." "Thank you." Came a voice from behind them. "Hey AJ, I'll just go inside." Brian stood up and walked into the house.

AJ sat down next to her. "Don't panic, Brian told me that you were here." "I thought he would." "I was surprised, not a word from you in seven years." "I know, and I feel bad enough about it as it is, I can't change that now." "No, I know you can't. so, what made you come back?" "I guess seeing James and Christian on the tv, I haven't seen them for so long. Then hearing what they were going through, I wanted to see her." "I am keeping an eye on her; did you think that I wasn't?" "No, of course not. I knew you'd be by her side; you always have been... I've already spoken to James; in fact, he was the one who asked to speak to me." "Did he have much to say? Because he's a good man to Chrissy, and the kids despite his own health not being at its best. Believe me, I have seen James at his worst and he still fights to keep his relationship strong." "I can see that; I could see him struggling even when he was talking to me earlier. He's right when he says he puts a brave face on, I saw him at the show in London and you wouldn't think he was struggling at all." "He's a good kid." "So, how are our kids doing?" "They're doing okay, Alex is still a doctor, Kevin is still playing basketball, he has a girlfriend now and expecting his son in a few months." "Wow, that's amazing, I'm so happy for him." "Me too, Devon is still working as a vet, he doesn't have a girlfriend and I wouldn't keep your hopes up either because he's so not into girls. He hasn't officially come out yet and he thinks that I have no idea, but I know." "Really, have you tried talking to him?" "I'm not going to make him tell me, he'll do that when he's ready... anyway, Steven is now a dentist, his patience love it because he has the same surname as brand of toothpaste, and they find it quite funny." "Oh yeah, I never really thought about that." "And our girl, as you saw, is the best mom to her kids. She works in a café in town, she owns it too." "You did a good job, thank you. I'm just sorry that I was a bad mom to them." "You weren't a bad mom; this just wasn't the life that you wanted. They've had Laura helping them and being there for them, not just me." "I know and I thank her for that... you're looking well by the way." "Thank you, Grace keeps me feeling young. She doesn't stop me from going grey, but she keeps me young at heart. Do you have a new family now, or is it just you and Jason?" "I got re-married again, and I have a step-daughter called Sarah, she's the same age as Chrissy." "So, she's gone from being the only McLean girl to a half-sister and a step-sister." "You're upset then?" "Why would I be upset? We both have separate lives, new partners. The only thing we have between us, are our kids." "We can't really call them kids anymore ca we. They're all adults." "That they are." He smiled.

James walked out of the house and continued down the garden. "Where's he going?" Tom ran out and over to him. "Hey brother, let's get you somewhere quiet yeah?" as James' body goes limp Tom catches him and AJ ran over to help, they move him into the gym. Jen followed them in. "Do you want me to get someone to help?" "No, just give him a minute and he should be fine." Tom injected James with his medication, and he began to relax. "I told you he'd be fine." "Is this how bad he gets?" "No, this is pretty much normal now. He always gets like this at parties and gatherings." "You cope so well with it, you're so calm." "I do what I can, he's my brother; and if I panic then it just makes the whole situation a lot harder." "I knew he had seizures, but now you have to inject him?" "That's what usually happens when you neglect your health and start doing stupid shit to yourself. He knew he could end up like this, now here we are picking up the pieces. Now I am not going to preach, because I have also partaken in a few of these nights, smoking weed and getting drunk. I know I was stupid and reckless, but now we have to learn to get over it." AJ looked at him in shock. "I wouldn't have thought you'd do something like that." "Sorry guys, but sometimes you just need to escape for a while. At least I only smoked weed, James took cocaine." "For fuck sake Tom, stop talking, you're doing my head in." James sat himself up, he looked around at everyone. "For god's sake, did I go again?" "I'm afraid so." Said AJ. "I'm sorry guys." "What are you saying sorry for? You can't help it." Said AJ. "I ruined today." "No, you didn't, we're the only ones who know; everyone else is in the house." Said Tom. "Where am I then?" "You're in dad's gym, you walked out here, and I got you just in time before you fell." "I can't remember getting here." "It doesn't matter, what matters is that you're still here yeah?" "Yeah." "Can you stand up?" "I think so." "Grab onto my arms and I'll help you up." James grabbed Toms arms and he pulled himself to his feet. AJ grabbed him to steady him. "How do you feel?" asked AJ. "Like I want to throw up." "Lovely, let me just grab a bucket. You got him AJ?" "Yeah." Tom grabbed the bucket from the corner of the room, he passed it to James who then threw up. "Awesome, well I guess that answers that question. Jim, you're burning up, we need to get you into the house and into bed.

Tom helped him get comfortable and placed a cold towel on his head. "I'm not a baby." "I know you're not, but I am your brother and you're sick. What time are Chrissy and the kids getting here?" "Soon I hope, they know I'm here already." "I wish you would tell someone if you're sick, you work too hard and you need to give yourself a break now and then." "Yes dad." "Don't start, Jim." "T, I will be fine; I'll just rest for a bit. You don't need to worry about me, go and join the others. If I need you then I'll call you okay?" "You better, I'll come and check on you anyway and I'll send Chrissy up when she gets here." "Yes, thank you." "Love you." "Love you too." Tom left the room and walked down the stairs.

A little later, Christian arrived with the kids. "There you are." Said AJ. "Hey daddy." "Let me grab your coats for you." "I can manage, and you don't have to panic, I know mum is here." "Are you okay with that?" "Yeah, James told me earlier; I don't mind seeing her... is James here?" "He's in bed, he had a bit of a turn and he has a high temperature, so Tom took him to bed." "I'll go up and see him and if mum is still about then I'll chat to her after." "Okay baby." Christian made her way up the stairs.

She knocked on the door before entering. "Jim, it's only me." "Hey baby." "Look at you all snuggled up, dad said you're not feeling well." "I thought I'd be okay." "You do have a temperature; do you have paracetamol?" "No idea what I have in my bag." "We need to get this temperature down, we don't want another seizure, do we?" "He told you about that?" "Of course, he did, now you're not working for a while and you need to take this time to rest." "I will do... your mom is downstairs." "I know, I guess I should face the music. Did you speak to her?" "Yeah, I mean I had to, right?" "You have too much heart, you can tell you're a Littrell." "Go and see your mom, I will have a sleep." "Yes, you do that, love you baby." "I love you baby." Christian kissed him and made her way downstairs.

She walked over to Jen. "Hey mum." "Hi, well look at you, you're looking really well." "Thank you, I guess you look good too. I don't know why you're here. After all this time I thought we'd never see you again." "Well, after the interview with James, I wanted to make sure you were okay." "Now? Mum, he has been like that for years; sneaking alcohol and the odd smoke of something or another. It would have only been a matter of time because he does nothing but work all the time. Yeah, his seizures have been getting worse, but I can live with that. I married him for better or worse, in sickness in health and I will stand by him." "I'm not moaning at you Christian; I know how you feel about each other. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you need me." "Oh, hell no! that woman needs to leave now!" shouted Alex. "Alex, leave it, if Christian wants to talk to her mom she can." Said AJ. "Well, she's not going to come anywhere near me, she's nothing to me." "And that's choice, go and sit somewhere else for a minute and calm down." Said AJ moving him away. "I'm sorry, I should have mentioned that he was going to be here." "He has the right to make his choice." "You know he can be hot headed and stubborn." "I don't blame him, I was saying to Brian earlier that if my mum had done to me what I did to you guys, then I wouldn't talk to her again either." "I do appreciate you coming over here, but me and James are okay." "I know that now... I guess I'd better go before Alex completely loses it." "You know where I am if you want to come over and you can call me." "Thank you, I hope James gets better." "Me too... bye mum." Jen made her way to the front door. "Thank you for coming Jen." Smiled AJ, she smiled back at him and walked out of the door.

Alex ran out. "That's it, keep going. Nobody wants you here anymore!" "If you didn't want to talk to me Alex, why didn't you just stay in the house?" "You need to leave my sister alone, I'm looking after her, she doesn't need you making things worse." "Okay Alex, you made the choice to hate me and never talk to me again, so why don't you make it a little less painful for me and go into the house." "Painful? For you? Really?" "Yes Alex, painful for me because you are my eldest boy, and it's painful to see how much hate you have for me because of mistakes I've made. Yes, I did wrong, but think of it this way, is your life bad now? Because as far as I know, you have a beautiful wife, talented kids, and you're happy. Your dad did a good job, maybe ten times better then I think I could have, and you have a lovely step-mother too." "I do have a happy life, but you make my life a misery just knowing that you're still around and still a part of my life... and you know what, you should have been the one to have had the brain tumor and died, not Linzi. She was a better mother than you ever were, she should have been the one to still be walking this earth today, not you. You don't ever deserve be called the word mom." "Good, I'm glad you managed to get that off your chest. I agree with you by the way, she really did deserve to be here... she was my best friend for over thirty years, and I was stupid enough to try it on with her husband... that's not what a friend does, I lost the people close to me because of poor choices. So, believe me Alex, you can never hate me as much as I hate myself; so yeah, I will get out of your way and never bother you again. Just know that I never wanted any of this, this was never my plan... now go back in and be with your family." Jen made her way down the driveway and out of the gates.

Alex walked back inside and closed the door behind him. "Did she really deserve that?" asked AJ. "Have you forgiven her?" "Yeah, I have. There's no point in staying the past, she hasn't been a part of my life for eleven years; I have Laura now and that's all that counts. Unfortunately, she's going to be around because she is your mom." "No, she's not mine. I would rather call Laura my mother rather than that evil bitch." "Stop it now, okay? We are here for a nice evening to see Christmas in, she's gone now, so let's get back to normal yeah?" "Yeah." They walked into the living room to join the others.

Laura walked into the kitchen and over to Brian, who was cooking. "You are hiding away?" "No, why would I be doing that? I'm just cooking." She puts her arms around him, and he hugs her. "That's it, I got you now, I'm not letting you go." "Do I look like a girl who's complaining? I always love a hug from you." "Just can't keep you girls away." "Would you want to?" "No, all you girls are amazing and beautiful." "Well, at least you managed to survive Jen being here." "She just wanted to talk and I'm not one to hold grudges. You don't have to worry because I am so not interested in her anymore." "Good boy." She laughed. "See, I knew she'd be over you before me." Smiled Kerry. "Oh, you don't like me hugging my Lolly? You jealous." "Hell, yeah I'm jealous, she has her hands on the only single man in the house." "No, Rian is in the living room." "He's a little too young for me and a little strange that boy." "I think you'll find I'm unique, aunty Kerry." Rian chuckled. "I knew he was behind me; I could see how you were looking at me." "It's okay, I won't take offence, my faith lets me forgive you." "See, I still can't take him seriously when he's dressed like that. Will you go and put a shirt on, you're distracting me." "Aww, but I'm comfortable." He makes his pecks bounce up and down. "I'm telling you boy, I seriously just can't with you. Go and put some clothes on." He starts to laugh. "Don't laugh at me, Rian Littrell." "Aww, aunty Kerry." He grabbed her and hugged her. "Brian, tell your boy to behave... he's so your son, it's not even funny." "Rian, leave her now, I think you've terrorized her enough." He let her go. "You are so naughty." She chuckled. "I love you aunty Kerry, you're so easy to wind up." "Good job I love you isn't it? And I'm sorry for saying you're weird." "You said I was strange, anyway, I don't know why everyone keeps telling to put my clothes on, you've all seen me in less than this, and now it bothers you?" "It doesn't bother me." said Brian. "It doesn't bother me, if my nephew has it then he might as well flaunt it." Smiled Laura. "Okay, point made. Now I want my hugs from your dad, even if I do have to fight your aunty Laura for him." "You can't have him, he's all mine." Laura hugged Brian tighter, Kerry grabbed him from behind and wrapped her arms around his waist. "See, there's plenty of me to go around, I can't breathe but I'm okay." "Room for one more in there?" asked Donna. "Donna, well of course there is, merry Christmas to you." Donna joined in on the hug. "Who could ask for a better Christmas present than this eh?" she laughed. Rian took a picture on his phone. "Well, I guess that's the closest my dad's going to get to a foursome for a long time." He laughed. "Okay, who is this young man?" asked Donna. "This is pastor Rian." Laughed Kerry. "That's my boy Rian, and he really is a pastor." "Well, don't you look all grown up." "I should hope so, I am twenty-four years old." "I remember the day you were born; you've done really well for yourself... I see someone here is a bit of a rebel, who drives that white Humvee parked outside?" "Yeah, that's still me." Rian smiled. "No way?" "Yeah, I loved driving those things in the army." "Okay." "I was Sargent Littrell before I became a pastor." "Well, you have a boy of many talents Brian. He's definitely your son." "My dad can only wish to have my talents... I am going to leave you ladies to drool over my dad for a while," Rian left the kitchen and walked back to the living room.

Donna sat down on the bar stool. "So.., how comes you're here? I wasn't expecting to see you here, shouldn't you be with your family?" asked Brian. "Well I came here to surprise you, but if you want me to go...?" "No, of course not, you are always welcome." "Bless, I think he's still getting over the shock of Jen turning up." Said Kerry. "What? Jen as in AJ's ex Jen?" "Yeah, you should have heard Alex shouting at her, he really does hate her." Said Kerry. "I was surprised to see how calm AJ was. I on the other hand, had to step back because I didn't want her ruining things again." Said Laura. "She said she wanted to check on James and Christian after the whole tv thing." Said Brian. "Just goes to show how well she knows her own daughter, James and Chrissy have been together like forever, and now she wants to show how much she cares? We all knew James was different and struggling more, but we all know how strong those two are together. They're grown-ups now, they can look after themselves." Said Kerry. "I thought it was a really brave thing for him to do, just coming clean and being honest about it all. I know it was a risky thing to do, because he could have lost a massive part of his fan-base. But his fans have really stepped up and supported him." Said Donna. "He's a lucky boy, is he here? I never saw him when I came in... I saw Chrissy and the kids." Said Kerry. "Yeah, he's just upstairs in bed. My boy came back not feeling well, so he's just taking it easy." "Aww no, I'll have to pop up and check on him." Smiled Laura. "I'm sure he'd appreciate that." "That boy works too hard." Said Kerry. "Yeah, but you know what he's like." "Yeah, he's like you, always on the go. The amount of injuries and scrapes you'd get into, all of you boys never stopped. You'd have the odd few minutes here and there, no wonder you and Linzi had so many kids, you used those three minutes wisely." Kerry laughed. "I'm not one to brag, but I can assure you that it was much longer than three minutes. I enjoyed my wife very much." "Okay, stop, you're talking about my sister and I really don't want to hear all that." Said Laura. "So, how long was been your longest?" chuckled Kerry. "Well, I don't think I ever thought about timing it, but I can safely say about an hour was surprisingly good. Very sweaty, but so amazing." "That'll be why you had triplets then." Said Donna. "Were you watching?" he started to laugh. "Eww no." she laughed. "I think the longest Nick ever went was about thirty minutes, so Wizz was a lucky girl." Laughed Kerry. "You know this conversation has gone completely the wrong way, one of us is going to get into trouble in a minute." "It's most probably going to be me." said Kerry who now cannot stop laughing. "Now look at what you did." Said Donna. "Who? Me?" Asked Brian. "Yeah, you." "Kerry asked the question; I was just correcting her. I can't help that I'm that good, can I?" "Well, we've only got your word for that." Said Laura. "Well I would love to prove all you girls right, but you're all happily married to my friends." "Yeah, like you'd ever get any of us in your bed." Said Laura. "I don't know why Kerry's laughing; I've seen her daydream about me; she always pictures me naked and sweaty." "No, I don't! you are so going to get me into trouble." "Kerry, you're a naughty girl... then again, if I have to be honest, I may have thought about it too at one point." "Donna!" laughed Laura. "Wow, okay, you girls need to leave my kitchen, this is not a fair fight and very awkward." "We're complimenting you Brian; you should feel honored." Said Donna. "Oh, I am honored, but I'm sure your husbands wouldn't like to know what you've been thinking." "Lucky he can't read my mind then, innit?" laughed Kerry. "Good god, now you're distracting me and putting me off my stride." "I bet you never had that problem before. Forgetting to put your meat and two veg in on time?" Kerry started to laugh really loud and Nick walked in. "What is going on in here? Are you alright? What's so funny?" Kerry could not even speak at this point as she's laughing uncontrollably. "She's been talking about Brian's meat and two veg." Laughed Donna. Nick looked at Brian who was shaking his head and chuckling. "She means the turkey and the potatoes." Brian saying that made Kerry scream with laughter. "Oh, please stop." Said Kerry. "That's what she said." Smirked Laura.

At this point Kerry was on the floor laughing and Laura and Donna laughed with her, Nick also started to laugh. "Whatever just went on in here, it sounds like you're having a good time. And by the sound of it, Kerry has managed to make it into something rude." "See, I told you I'd get into trouble... you're so naughty Brian." "I didn't do anything." "I'm going to leave you guys to it." Nick left the room. "Would you like some help down there?" Asked Brian. "How did you know?" she laughed. "Let me help you stand up." He held her hand and helped her to her feet. "Okay, now take nice deep breaths and calm down." She does this a few times. "It's okay, I feel better now... anyway, at least we got to see you smile and laugh again." "Yeah, and it felt incredibly good too. I haven't laughed like that in such a long time." "You should do it more often because you have such an incredible smile and a cheerful laugh." Said Donna. "You girls have really made my day; I can always count on you girls to give me something to smile about." "I think I need a very large glass of prosecco after that." "Ooh wine wait for me." said Laura as she follows Kerry into the living room.

Brian quickly checked on the food before opening a bottle of beer and sitting down. "Well, someone's a dark horse, I've always known about Kerry, but you?" "Well, us girls are allowed to window shop now and then." "So, can us fellas." "Ooh, care to elaborate on that?" "Nope." "Spoil sport." "Of course, I wouldn't, I only ever had eyes for my lady." "So, you don't window shop now?" "Not really, I did try to date, but it's not for me." "That's a shame." "So, how have you been? I would have asked you earlier but you kind of walked into the middle of a conversation." "I'm doing okay, and I can see you're doing okay too." "Yeah, I live each day as it comes. I have a house filled with family, what more could I ask for? Are you staying anywhere? There's plenty of room here if you wanted to stay and join in the festivities." "I would love to, thank you." "Good, I'll go and sort out a bed for you." "You don't have to do that now; we can chat for a bit." "Yeah, sure." He smiled. "There he is our amazing dad." Said Scott as he bounded through the door. "Your number one son has arrived. Oh, and you have the ever-lovely Donna with you." "You're cheerful, how many have you had?" "None, I am just full of the Christmas spirit, and I of course, love being home with my ever-amazing family." "See, that's lovely." Said Donna. "Are the kids all here?" "Of course, I have no idea how we are all fitting in, the living room is full. Rian is keeping them all amused, and Pippin has taken the girls upstairs, I think they're playing with make-up and stuff. All of the presents are under the tree already." "Good." "Yep, so now you know I'm here, I'm going to help myself to a drink... where's Jim? Did he not come?" "Yeah, he's upstairs sleeping." "Ah, one of those kinds of days? I'll go and harass him then." "You do that." "You want a drink?" "I'm good thanks." "Donna?" "I'm okay, thank you Scott." She smiled. "Okay then." Scott walked into the other room.

The family were soon sat at the table, and wherever else they could find to sit for dinner. After the meal they all played games and sang along to Christmas songs played by members of the family, on guitars and piano before sitting down to watch a Christmas movie.

As the night drew on, everyone made their way to their beds. Brian stayed up and was sat in the living room by the fire. Donna sat down beside him. "What are you doing up?" he asked. "Time difference, why are you still up?" "Just enjoying the quiet." "Are you okay?" "Yeah, why?" "You just seem different then when you were messaging me, you asked me to come over." "I know I did." "I was surprised at first, I didn't expect half of what we talked about to come from you... I had to delete some of the messages in case someone saw them. I would have thought you'd have been able to talk about how you were feeling with one of the other guys, maybe AJ or Nick." "I could have, but they couldn't have said the things that you did." She looked at him. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked. "I'm guessing you are. I wouldn't have come here otherwise." "Well I thought that if you were going to take that step, then it might as well be with a friend." "I don't think I can do it. Texting and everything is great, and believe me when I say it was helping in some ways. But I don't think I can physically do it." "That's okay, I won't make you do anything you don't want to." "I just feel like I'm cheating, and I have never cheated on my wife. Well, I had two girls come onto me, but never cheated on her... can we just sit here and hold each other? I think I would prefer that." "Okay." She snuggled up to him.

25th December 2032.

The next morning Nick walked into the gym. "Morning, did you actually go to bed?" he asked Brian. "No, I tried to, but I couldn't sleep." "Do you think being in here is a good idea?" "Yes, helps me get out my frustrations." "What do you have to be frustrated about?" "Just things, anyway, merry Christmas... anyone else up?" "The kids were stirring, so I wanted to get in here quick before they did." "What time is it?" "Near five thirty, how long have you been in here?" "I don't know, maybe a few hours, the sun was rising when I walked in here." "Are you going to be okay today?" "Yeah, I'll be fine." Nick stepped onto the treadmill and Brian moved onto weights.

The triplets creeped down the stairs. "Out of all the people in the house, the last people I would expect to see creeping down the stairs would be you three... now if only I could tell which one was which, you have matching robes on." Smiled Kerry. They all put their arms behind their backs and looked at her. "You evil sods, I know who's who anyway... left to right is Scott, Tomas, then you James. You lot just can't help but stand in birth order." "I told you we needed to switch it up." Said Tom. "You boys are naughty." "If we're naughty, then how comes you're down here too." Said James. "I came down because Nick has gone to use the gym." "Well, I best put the kettle on." Said Scott. "Ooh yay, I'm making some toast." Tom followed. James looked at Kerry. "I think my dad was going to do something stupid last night." "What makes you say that? Did he say something?" "Well no, but I came down last night to get some water, and he was talking to someone; I think it might have been Donna." "Right, she's his friend, so of course he'll be talking to her." "Yeah, I know. But the conversation was like something about inviting her over for a bit of friends with benefits... if you get me?" "He didn't ask to sleep with her?" "It was heading that way, from what I could understand... but my dad never went through with it." "Oh my god, I would have never pictured your dad doing that." "I know, that's why I thought it was odd and gross." "If I get a chance, I'll pull him aside and talk to him, out of all the people and he picks her." "Don't get jealous aunty Keg." "Why would I get jealous? I have my Nick... anyway, your kids will be down in a minute." "I know, I have to say though, I am really enjoying this time off, other than being sick yesterday of course." "You're feeling better today?" "Yeah, you know as good as I can get. How are you this morning? I have to say you're looking very well." "I am doing very well; you little smooth talker you." "I just noticed, are you seriously wearing yellow Backstreet Boys pajamas?" "Yes, I am, I've had them ages." "I like them." James sat down on the step. "Are you alright?" "Yep, just give me a second." He took some pills from his pocket and took a few. "Better?" "Those things taste like shit." "Medication usually does." "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you panic." "I am so used to you being like this, there is no way you can make me panic." "I just feel like I'm a burden on everyone." "Come on, I feel like I'm talking to the eighteen-year-old James Littrell and not the thirty-year-old James. You are never a burden to anyone." "I can feel everyone looking at me, waiting for me to fall down." "Like who? Give me their names and I'll beat them up for you... I think it may just be in your head, and anyway, if they were, it's only because they care about you. You have millions of fans; do you think they're waiting for you to fall? No, because they're always waiting for you to rise up and show them how strong you are. Look, you came on live tv and confessed to being depressed, an alcoholic and a drug user... look around you Jim, because nobody has walked away from you. Your fan base is booming, and you have family around you... if anything, we are so proud of you, both you and Tom. You boys even make me proud and you're not even my boys. You have done more than anyone would have thought possible, I even find myself double checking because I forget that Tom has one arm... he doesn't ever ask for help, he just finds new ways of doing things. So, don't you worry if you fall, because we're only here to pick you up, brush you down and send you on your way again." "Wow, thank you aunty Keggy." "That's not a problem, are you feeling better?" "Yes, much better." "Good, because I want to hear you sing your version of 'Have yourself a merry little Christmas', the kids would love to hear that as they open their presents." James and Kerry walked into the living room to get set up.

The kids soon all came down, and once again the room was covered in torn paper and boxes. After a quick shower Brian was in his room getting changed, there was a knock at the door. "Yes?" "It's only me, can I come in." "Yeah, I'm decent." Kerry walked into the room and closed the door. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I just wanted a word." "Okay." "Okay, I'm just going to come out and say it, did you invite Donna over here... to have sex with you?" "He looked at her in shock. "Who told you that?" "Does it matter? Did you though?" "Don't panic, I didn't." "Good, what were you thinking? If you wanted it that bad, then I know plenty of women who would snap you up in a heartbeat... What about Khloe? I know she really liked you. If you just want sex, then that shouldn't be a problem." "You make me sound like I'm desperate." "You're going to tell me that you're not...? Donna, Brian?" "Okay, stop it... I just don't know what's come over me recently, seven years and I haven't thought about it; then all of a sudden, I can't stop thinking about it... I was trying my best not to get a semi when you and Lolly were hugging me... it's so wrong." "Did we make you horny baby?" "That's not funny... how am I talking to you about this?" "Well, you are, and you probably feel better for it... so, do you have to take those little blue pills yet?" "No! I can perform perfectly fine without them, thank you." "That's good then." "You're lucky I'm a good sister, and I love you, because this whole conversation would have been awkward." She smiled. "Still, it's good to talk about it." "Even if it is with me... you and me have had a few of these talks over the years, and it's good that we can still do that; it's nice that we've become close over the years." "It is." "So, would you like me to set up a date with someone?" "I guess so, but please mention that I'm not interested in a relationship." "Of course, it's just about sex." "Yes." "Well, good on you... so can I hug my half naked buddy without you feeling horny then?" "Yes, you can hug my half naked body." She jumped onto the bed and hugged him. "Well, who would have thought I'd be on your bed hugging you? It's so lovely." "Don't get too comfy, your husband is downstairs." "He knows we're only friends." "Friends with benefits?" "Umm, no, I don't think so." She chuckled. "I'm kidding. Right, let me finish getting dressed, I have a lot to do today." "I will help you; you can't do all of it on your own. You have more and more mouths to feed every year." "I don't mind doing it, it makes me feel good." "Still, I will help you and I'm sure Laura will too. You get dressed, and I will see you downstairs." Kerry walked out of the room. "Thank you, Kerry." Shouted Brian.

Nick walked up the stairs. "What are you doing in his room? And what is he thanking you for?" "Oh, don't you go and get paranoid. I was just talking to him about a private matter." "He was half dressed." "Yes, he was getting dressed when I barged in. honestly Nick, he's like my big brother and although Brian is cute, I love you." "I know you do, I'm glad that he can confide in you about things. It's good to see you two finally getting close as friends, but is it that bad that he can't talk to me about it?" "Yes, it is, it's a very sensitive matter and I can't see you being very sympathetic about it." "How sensitive are we talking?" "See, you're already being childish, leave him alone. To say that I'm dealing with it, is the wrong wording, but I am an ear if he needs it and nothing else. I do, however, need to make a few calls." Nick followed Kerry downstairs. "What sort of calls?" "Just to some friends." "So, he's finally ready to find someone else." "No, just leave it alone Nick. I already told you it's a private conversation and it's staying private, go and see the kids while I go and do what I need to do." "Yes mum." They continue down the stairs.

Soon dinner was served, and everyone was sat around the table. Brian stood up. "I would like to thank you all for being here, this ever-expanding family. Today we are gathered in a room filled with happiness and with love, to celebrate Christmas. May we continue to be strong together and to never feel lonely, I love you all and merry Christmas to you all." They raised their glasses and wished him a merry Christmas back. As they sat down to eat Brian looked down the table at all of his family, all of the smiling faces and happy conversations between one another and smiled to himself.

After the meal, AJ was stood in the hallway looking at the tree. "Now, I would have expected my dad to be out here, drinking with his tumbler of brandy, but here you are instead." Smiled Jenni-Kay. "I know right? I was just looking through the decorations." "They go back a long time." "That they do." "They bring back good memories." "And maybe some bad ones." He picked up a decoration that had a picture of himself and Jen on it. "Ah, well, memories all the same." "I'm surprised the tree can still stand, each year more and more get added on." "I think it stays standing because of how much love is on those branches." "You are so your dad's daughter; I could hear his voice when you said that." "He does rub off on you after a whole lifetime of going to church and hearing the words that he'd speak to mom, and how much love he gave to us... I don't think it's a bad thing." "I wasn't complaining, I think he's done a great job. I don't think I could have done that." "You are kidding me? You do know my husband, right? Uncle AJ I'm not exaggerating when I say he is amazing, he's a hard worker, he is so loving, and he adores his girls. Yeah, I know he can be a bit hot-headed when it comes to his mom, but he looks up to you and he is grateful for everything you do for him, he had a tough time when his mom left." "Well, he was lucky to have you." "Yeah, I really was dad, and she is so right... sorry, I couldn't help but listen in. You know, I think you spent so long helping Uncle Brian to keep his head above water, that you forgot to appreciate yourself. You did a great job with all five of us when mom abandoned us, I really do appreciate you a whole bunch. You may have spent a whole bunch of time away, but I know you did it for all of us." "Coming from you, that means a lot." "Hey, I even make sure I say a prayer for you every night." "What? You pray?" "You know who I'm married to right? This amazing woman is a Littrell. Honestly, dad, you are the best, so don't put yourself down." "Thank you, you guys all make me proud. I know I don't see you guys a whole lot; I know I really need to do that more." "No, you don't dad, we all work; maybe not as hard as you ever did. So, don't worry about not seeing us every day, we are happy to see you when we do." "If your saying that because of Chrissy, then you have nothing to worry about, I think you'll find she's a tough girl, she gets that from you. I watch her with the kids and she is a great mom, I am so proud of how she deals with my brother, I know how hard it is for me to see him getting worse but putting on a brave face for everyone. I know she puts on a brave face too, but she knows what she's doing. Now me saying that don't you feel you have to step up, she's doing fine, and I can assure you that you don't have to worry." Said Jenni. "I know she's a tough girl, she has four brothers, I wouldn't think for one-minute think she'd be anything but... I know how bad James is... he messages me all the time, I know you're telling me not to rush in and save the day and I promise that I'm not going to interfere, but... look, I know you're his big sister and Alex you are his best friend, but I need you both to know that he's been talking about putting things into place in case something goes wrong." "Goes wrong? Surely, he's just being a big drama queen, if he thinks he's going anywhere, then he's got another thing coming... you're talking about James Littrell, a man I call my brother." "I didn't tell you that to upset you Alex, I just wanted you to know what was going on. He came to me because he didn't want to upset Brian, he needed someone to talk to, so he came to me." "Maybe I should talk to him, I know I haven't been around much for him like I should be, but I think maybe now he needs me." "I don't want him knowing that I told you, so, please keep it to yourself... I mean it Alex, I know you love him, but I am begging you please don't tell him." "I won't, I promise. I just want what's best for him and my sister. If he trusts you, then that's good enough for me." "Thank you." "I'm going to check on the girls." Alex walked into the living room. "He'll be okay, you know what he's like and hearing about my brother really does break his heart. No doubt he'll be looking up ways of making his life better for him, and you don't need to worry about me, I came to the realization ages ago that James wouldn't be around forever, ages ago." "I did think that, you guys are usually open and honest with each other." "I will talk with James, I know he's under a lot of pressure and with his depression, it can't be easy." "That's what I said, but he told me that it's like constant mini seizures and he's scared that they'll happen on stage one night." The door opened and James walked into the hallway. "Wow, it feels dead serious in here, don't mind me, I'm just getting something from my room." He walked up the stairs.

Jen followed him up and knocked on his door. "Come in." she opened the door. "Wow, it must be serious if you're knocking on my door. And as you and AJ were talking, I can gather what you're going to say." "So, you can read minds now?" "I really don't need a lecture, it's my life Jen." "Yes, and I'm your sister. You know I love you Jim and I hate that you're not getting better, you know you can talk to me about things." "Of course, I can, you think it doesn't hurt me to tell you that I don't want to die? That I wish my life was different? When I can see the hurt in your eyes, I didn't want to think about it, I just wanted to spend the day with my family." "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, I just care about you." "I know you do, but just like mom, I just want to get on with my life and just live for now." "And that's a good thing, just remember that I'm here for you if you need me." "I know... so are the girls happy with their presents?" "They loved them, thank you... well I'll leave you to get on with whatever you were doing." "I was praying." "Oh." "I know it sounds silly, but I just needed some thinking time." "You know Rian's good with that." That may be, but I prefer to work on my own thoughts on my own." "I totally get you; I think I pray too much... I know Alex thinks I'm strange, but he understands that's how we've brought up." "I guess so." "Anyway, you know where I am, and I love you." "I love you too." Jen walked out and straight into Tom. "Hey, watch out!" "Tom! You made me jump, I'm glad you don't have your arm on, that would have hurt." "You walking out of James' room, means you shared Jenni-Kay's words of wisdom." "Something like that, I can talk to you if you want? I am your sister." "Yes, I know, but when it comes to James, it's not usually your average, 'How'd your day been'... you wanna share?" "Honestly, it was just me checking up on him, like a big sister should." "That's good then." "Do you want some big sister love?" "No, I think I'm okay, thank you." "Oh, thanks T." "I'm kidding, I don't have to talk to you for you to know I love you, you're my sister, of course you love me; what's not to love?" he smiled. "You spend way too much time with Jim... I'm going to find my kids." Jen continued down the stairs.

Alex was stood in the garden holding his glass of brandy. "Alex, you alright boy?" asked Kerry. "I'll be okay, I just needed to think. And as I usually see Brian out here, I guessed it must be a good spot." "He does do that a lot, but I wouldn't have thought I'd see you here." "Well today I found something out that deserves a step back..." "I understand, I've had a few of those moments myself." "How do you get past them? Especially when you find something out that you know you're powerless to stop." "Powerless? You're a doctor, aren't you?" "Yeah, but even so, I can't do anything." "Well, even though it can be difficult at times, you just need to ride with it and hope for the best. Sometimes situations can change, and you don't want to look back and see what you missed out on... are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm all good. Thank you, Kerry, I can see you spend a lot of time talking to Uncle Brian." "I can't help it... and if this is about a certain someone, then I don't think he'll like to see his best friend upset and down. He will need you to just continue being you for however long... take it from me, watching Linzi go through all that pain was hard. But I wouldn't have dared take away that smile from her face and drown her happy spirit in sorrow, she smiled all the way to the end. We felt good for doing that and you need to do that for James, no matter how much you're hurting inside, because you can guarantee that he's hurting too." "Thank you... see, I knew this spot was a good one. I completely get why he comes out here... I love this time of year, makes me feel blessed for what I have. My whole family together in one room, there may not be a lot of room, but I wouldn't change it." "Me either... blimey, I remember when you and your brother, well, all of you were tiny babies. Now look at you, you're a dad to two teenagers." "Yeah, they're incredibly special to me. Makes me feel old if you remember me as a baby, and here I am with my family, and if I'm old, you must be really old." "Hey, I'm the same age as your step-mum, cheeky boy." "Sorry... you know Laura is the best thing to have ever happened to my dad? I remember the day she turned up, the minute he saw her he just had the biggest smile and it was great to see him happy again." "He loved her for a long time, even when he was with your mum, they always had a connection." "If I'd have known that sooner, I would have got them together sooner... I see even now, how much he loves her. You can see it in his eyes, it's like he's hugging her from a distance." "I know that look well." "She really has been the best mom ever, and even though we're not blood related, I am proud to call her my mom. Silly hearing a grown man saying that." "Well, I think it's lovely and to hear that from you, makes me proud to have you as my son." Smiled Laura. "I had no idea you were standing there." "Oh, so you're going to say that you didn't mean it?" "No, of course I meant it. I honestly wouldn't swap you for the world. I wouldn't swap any of you, and that does include you, Aunty Kerry. Laura you are an awesome mom to Grace, and you have been there for all five of us, even though you didn't need to. You took us on without thinking twice and even though I know I can be hot-headed and stubborn, you still took the time out to talk to me and love me as your own, and I appreciate you for that." He smiled. "You weren't as bad as you think you were, and why wouldn't I love you all? You are your father's son, I love your dad, baggage, and all. You need me, just as much as I need you all." "See, that's why I love my mom." He smiled and hugged her. "Now, that's what I want to see from you, a nice smile and don't frown." "Thank you, Aunty Kerry." Kerry made her way into the house.

Nick grabbed her waist. "Got you... I'm not letting you go." "I wouldn't want you to." "That's good then, you okay?" "Yeah, I think I just found out how hard it is to be Brian Littrell." "Okay, what does that mean?" "You know, always being there for people, listening to everyone and keeping them positive. I don't know how he does it, and still manages to stay sane." "That I can't answer, but you, all of a sudden handing out words of wisdom." "You underestimate me, Mr. Carter." "So, who was this lucky boy or girl?" "Alex Mclean." "Wow, you really went for a tough one." "He's not really tough, he's just a lost boy deep down and he is a gentle as they come. Now I know why Jen loves him." "We all know that; I'm beginning to like you like this. As they say, with age comes wisdom." "Age? You do know that you're older than me, where's your wisdom?" "I'm saving it for a special moment, I don't know when that is, but when it comes you will know about it." "Are you trying to scare me? I like you how you are." "Good, I should hope so too... so what are we going to do tomorrow? We have a day's break before the triplet's birthday." "We can go home." "Do you want to go home?" "Yes, then I can spend the day with you... we've been here two days, so we could do with some peace." "I agree, come on, I'll pour you a big glass of prosecco." They walked into the living room.

Saturday 27th December 2032

James rolled out of bed and after putting on his bathrobe, he made his way downstairs and into the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine. "Good morning dad." "Good morning Junior, would you like some breakfast?" "I'll just have some toast please?" "That I can do." "By the way, happy birthday." "Thank you, Uncle Scott will be down soon." "I keep forgetting you have the same birthday, I don't know how, because it's obvious as he's your identical twin. I can still tell you apart, you do a weird thing with your eyes now and then, mom said it's something to do with your epilepsy, so I just use that to tell you apart." "Now, I don't know if that's a good thing or not... are Mayzie and Millie up yet?" "No, just me... which is a good thing." "And I thought you loved your sisters." "I do, but it's always nice to be alone, now and then." "I thought that, being with my brothers all the time used to drive me crazy, so I would just put on a pair of headphones and drown out the noise. Now, I live apart from them, I mean four thousand miles away from your Uncle Scott. And with me flying around the world for work, I hardly see Uncle Tom too." "And us." "And you guys too, I do feel bad for that. But when it comes to weekend lie this and we're staying here at grandpas, I actually enjoy it and I miss being with my brothers." "So, you think that when I'm older, I will miss my sisters?" "Maybe." "Just not right now." "No." James past Junior his toast. "There you go buddy." "Good morning all, happy birthday brother." "Hey Uncle Tom." "Happy birthday to you T." "So, what are our plans for world domination today?" "Well, we can do whatever we want, I have free time today and it would be good to spend it wisely. Also, as I haven't bought you guys anything for your birthdays yet, we could head to the mall and see what we can find." "I can do that, as long as lunch is on you?" "Of course, why wouldn't it be? We just have to wait for Scott to get his butt down here, then we can get ready to go." "Is he even awake?" "No idea, would you like me to cook you some breakfast?" "I think I'm capable of cooking breakfast myself, thank you, plus I'm sure Noah will be up in a minute." "Ah, the whirlwind that is. In that case, I am going to have myself a shower. Pip has invited her friends over this evening, by the way." Said James. "Oh, the James Littrell fan club yeah? You do remember that they have already met the two of us?" "Yeah, but they haven't met Scott yet, that should be fun... right, shower and Junior behave for Uncle Tomas." "Yes dad." James made his way upstairs.

The post dropped through the door as Tom walked into the hallways, so he picked it up. "Birthday cards... letter for James, it looks pretty important and letters for dad." "Uncle Tom, you talk to yourself." "Yeah, sorry, I'm just trying to work out why your dad would get a letter sent here." "Let me see." He passed Junior the envelope and he opened it. "What are you doing?" "It says J. Littrell on the front, I'll just tell dad I thought it was for me." "He might not want you seeing what's inside it, it might be personal." Junior looked at the letter. "What's a last will and testament?" "I'll take that now, thank you. You can go and get dressed." "okay." Junior jumped down from the bar stool and Brian walked in. "Morning boy." "Morning grandpa." "You'd better get dressed before everyone else wakes up." "I'm going." He left the kitchen. "Happy birthday Tomas." "Thank you, I have post for you." "Yay, just what I like to see, birthday cards too, who are they from?" "Jen and her new family, although that doesn't make sense as we've not even met her family, we have one from Donna and family, few fans but mainly family." "What's the other letter you're holding?" "It's for James." "So, why did you open it?" "I didn't, junior did, I wish he hadn't." "Why? What's in it?" "Nothing, I just know that James will get angry that his mail was opened." "But you didn't open it, you said Junior did." "You know what I meant." "So, what are your plans for today?" "James is taking me and Scott shopping and he's even treating us to lunch." "That's nice of him." "Yeah, well we don't see each other a whole bunch and he has the most money, so his decision." "You can buy yourselves something nice to wear for tonight and maybe something not matching with each other would be great." "Party time again... anyway I have plenty I can wear for tonight." "So, what are you going to shop for?" "Nothing, I'm just going to enjoy spending the day with my brothers." Scott bounded into the kitchen. "Good morning family, happy birthday Tomas." He kissed him on the cheek. "Okay, gross. Well, you're in a good mood this morning." "Of course, I am, it's our birthday and our youngest twin brother has offered to take us out for lunch and shopping, like I'd say no to that... ooh, did we get cards?" "Yeah, just the usual." "I'm going to take my coffee and see if I can get Pippin out of bed." Brian walked out of the kitchen.

Tom checked to see if Brian was gone. "What's up with you?" "This." He passed Scott the envelope. "I'm not opening this; this is for James." "I know." "Did you open it?" "No, Junior did. It said James Littrell on it, so he thought it was for him." "What do you want me to do about it?" "I need you to look at it, you did a law degree." "If it's that sort of letter, then I'm not looking at it." "It's a last will and testament." "Maybe he's just being careful and thinking of the future, he has four kids, a wife and he's a celebrity." "But he's only thirty years old." "I think I'm aware of how old he is... why are you letting this get to you? If it's something he wants to do, then that's his choice, after all of the substance abuse and the alcoholism, then I don't blame him." "Do you think something is wrong?" "You worry too much Tom, James is fine. If it was anything bad, then he would say something and especially to us, right?" "I guess." "Come on, let's go rush him, I've seen a nice watch that Jim really wants to buy me." they both run up the stairs.

That evening everyone had arrived for the party, the triplets were outside sat around fire pit. James was singing with Scott and Tom was playing the guitar, Pippin and her friends watched them excitedly. "Hey Pip, why don't you join in?" asked Molly. "I can't, there's too many people. Besides nobody apart from us knows that I sing, other than my family." "Then surprise them, I'm sure your brothers would love it." "Hey Pip, come sit with us." said Scott. She sat between Scott and James as they started another song, she started to sing along quietly, but with a wink and a nod from James she began to sing louder.

A buzzer from the front gate was heard from the hall. "Who rings the buzzer?" she pressed the call button. "Hello." "Hi, I hope I have the right address, I'm looking for Rian Littrell." "Come on in." she walked up the driveway and up to the house. "Hi." Smiled Jen. "Hi, is Rian here? I really need to talk to him." "He's around here somewhere, I'm guessing he's done something to annoy you. Sounds like something my little brother would do, you're more than welcome to come in and find him." Rian was in the kitchen taking another beer from the fridge. "Kiera, hi." "Why have you been ignoring my calls?" "You called me? I didn't see any calls. Are you okay? You look like you're ready to kill me... you know, I think we need to go somewhere a bit more private, follow me." They walk upstairs and into one of the bedrooms. "Whose room is this?" "It's mine... have I upset you?" "Well, you'll be pleased to know that I'm not having your baby, not that you could be bothered to find out." "I've been busy." "Show me your phone?" "No, I don't know why you're so pissed at me. if you're not pregnant then what's the problem?" "You were supposed to be my friend, you dropped the bomb that you didn't use a condom when we had sex, then you just ghost me." "You know, you really came at the wrong time, it's my brother's birthdays, I'm supposed to be celebrating with them." "So, yet again you're going to ignore me." "I'm not ignoring you, I'm stood here right now, in my dad's house talking to you. I'm just a bit confused on what you want me to do... did you want to be pregnant? Really?" "What if I did?" "Seriously? You do, with me? you really don't want to go there with me, I really wouldn't be a great dad. I like men, how do you explain that to a kid? Yeah, he's your dad but he has boyfriends, I can see that going down well at school." "And? So what?" "I would be a rubbish dad, I work all the time, I hardly see the family I have, let alone have one of my own." "Do you know why I'm your best friend?" "Because we like the same things?" "I like them because you do. When I first met you in college, I fancied you, then I saw you hanging with boys and I thought 'that's a shame', but then you had a girlfriend. Of course, I was jealous about that and I can admit that. But you still wanted to spend time with me... I was there for you when your girlfriend left you, because she couldn't handle your thing for men." "And you can? Seeing my face on the cover of men's magazines." "I do that, anyway, don't I? Does that not make me want to be with you? No." "I just don't think I can do it. Don't get me wrong, I do want to have a family one day. But right now, I'm just not ready, I'm about to turn twenty-four in a few days, I'm not ready to settle down, I'm sorry." "What about that night at your place, you wanted me then, now you don't." "I didn't say that." "So, do you want me?" "I can't have this conversation." "Yes, you can, do you want me or not?" "Kiera... don't." "Rian, do you want me?" "Yes." He grabbed her and kissed her.

Brian was dancing in the middle of the living room with Laura. "He looks like he's having fun." Said Howie as he sat down between James and Tom. "Hey, Uncle Howie. Yeah, we were just saying that he's settled in well since he came home." Said Tom. "It's like he never left, he did start dating, but now I have no idea what's going on with that." Said James. "Have you asked him?" "No, it's his business." Said James. "She's not here and if he was with someone, he would have invited her." Said Tom. "It's still very early, she might still turn up." Said Howie. "It's very strange, dad dating. It's a big change to all of us, seeing dad with another woman and not mom." "You guys knew that this day would come eventually, you're all old enough to be grown up about it. You're all independent now, you don't need your dad so much anymore." "We know, just as long as he's happy right?" said Tom. "Yes." "Picture time boys." Kerry stood in front with her camera and they all posed. "Aww, you look so cute with Uncle Howie. Are you having a good birthday?" "Yeah, although we sent Rian to get some drinks and he's just vanished." Said James. "He's upstairs with a girl." "A girl? Wait, doesn't Rian like guys?" asked Howie. "Didn't you know, our little brother is a greedy bastard, he likes a little bit of both." Said Tom. "I don't think he's greedy, I think he's got the right idea, a little bit of both worlds doesn't sound too bad." Smiled Kerry. They all looked at her surprised. "You want to elaborate on that Aunty Kerry?" asked James. "Behave yourself boys, I know it's your birthday, but even that info isn't for you... I'm going to take some more pictures before I get into more trouble, I have a knack for doing that recently." Kerry wandered off. "I am going to see what our brother is doing." Said James standing up. "You really want to do that? What if he's doing something?" "You mean sex? He fancies men, yeah, I know he likes girls, I know, but sex? I don't think so, he was still a virgin at twenty, I'm going to go and check on him." "Your funeral." James made his way upstairs.

He reached the top of the stairs and walked down towards his room, he thumped on the door. "Rian put her down boy! Where's my beer!" chuckling he walked away. Rian looked at Kiera and laughed. "Well, that's one way to kill a situation, that would be my boy wonder brother James." "How do you know?" "They may be identical, but I can tell them apart when they talk... I'm sorry." "It's okay, so does this mean you have to go now?" "We should go and show our faces, are you okay to meet my crazy family? They don't bite, well, not all the time, maybe just the odd occasion... I'm kidding." "Yeah, sure. Let's go and see how crazy your family really is." "I think we should get dressed first, otherwise we'll be the crazy ones... I just laughed at that in my head, because I just told myself to put my clothes on." "I think it's just you who's the crazy one." She laughed.

After getting dressed they made their way downstairs and sit down in the living room. "I'll just go and get us a drink." Rian walked into the kitchen; Brian sat down next to Kiera. "You're a new person, hi and welcome to my home, I'm Brian." "Hi, nice to meet you, you have a really lovely house." "Thank you, is someone looking after you?" "Yes, Rian. He's just gone to get us a drink." "Oh, you must be the girl he's told me about, he told me that he thought he'd got you pregnant, then said he didn't. well, I apologize for my son, he may be a man of God, but he's also an idiot." "Well, you don't need to tell me twice, I know he's an idiot." "Yep, I hope one day he'll grow up... saying that, my wife used to say that about me, even when I was in my forties." He laughed. "Well, we can only hope he does, either way, I think he's perfect." "I guess he is, well, I will leave you to wait for Ry and I hope you enjoy your evening." Brian walked off and the spaces were soon replaced by the triplets. "Hi." Smiled James. "Hi boys, happy birthday." "Thank you... so, who are you? Are you really with our brother?" asked Scott. "I am Kiera and I think you should ask your brother that." "Oh, we will, don't you worry." Said Scott. "So, where did you meet? How old are you?" "Tom, one question at a time, we don't want her to feel interrogated." Said James. "We have been friends for a while, and I am twenty-eight." "Oh, older lady." Said James. Rian appeared in front of them. "Leave her alone you three, I'm sorry Kiera, but my brothers are nosey gits." "It's okay, I don't mind that they're curious, they are your older brothers." "Yeah, well it's time to be uncurious, you can go now." "You're such a spoil sport." Said Scott. "Yes, I am, come on, we can sit somewhere where we won't be bothered." Rian and Kiera walked out to the garden.

They sat by the firepit beside the pool. "I am so sorry about those three." "Don't worry about it." "Okay, so when do I get to meet your family?" "I really don't think you want to do that." "Of course, I do, I want to see where you come from. I have known you this long and I have never met your family." "Okay, well, my mum and dad split up when I was little, I have three sisters, a step-brother and a step-sister, there's a start." "Cool, I would tell you about all my family members, but we have so many it would take forever, basically most of them are in the house right now." The sun began to set in the distance and for a few moments Rian sat silent and smiled as he looked out on the horizon. "Are you okay, why are you smiling so much?" "Just that..." he pointed to the horizon. "Just memories, happy ones... and sad ones. Now I know why my mom and dad sat out her together... I totally get it." "Aww, me too." "For me it means more than you could ever know... my mom and dad sat here, in this exact spot together, to see that sunset meant that they had successfully made it through another day together. She died at her favorite time of day, I would like to, to be able to have those special moments with the person I love." "Aww, that's sweet, but you got a lot of living to do before you pass away." "You know, I was born in this house? I actually own a quarter of it too... do you think you could really cope with someone like me for twenty-six years?" "Of course, I could, I love you." "I know it sounds odd, but I can't start a family without being married first." "That's understandable." "Would be getting married be something that you would want?" "Of course, if it was to you." "I think we need to take some time with this first, I don't want to rush into anything." "Of course." She held onto his hand.

James and Tom appeared from the gym and chased each other around the garden before running into the house. "There you boys are!" "Carter! Look at you my lovely." "Look at me, look at you James Littrell. I think you might want to hang here for a while, I can see how high on life you are right now." "No, it's just seeing you." "Now, if Tom had said that then I would have believed you... I hear Rian has a girlfriend, I thought he liked men?" "He likes both ya idiot." Laughed James. "Yeah, I hope she likes long distance relationships." "Yeah, I heard, my dad told me. so, I'm guessing she doesn't know?" "Not a dickie bird." Said Tom. "Maybe we should give him a reminder." Said Lacey. "Good idea." Said James. "There you boys are, where did you get to? Why do you look like that?" Jen directed at Tom and James. "They had a little too much fun." Said Lacey. "Seriously? You too Tom? Well, I am surprised... so why are you talking all secretive anyway?" "Rian and his new girlfriend." Said James. "What about it?" "He hasn't told her the news yet." Said Tom. "Seriously?" "That's what we said." said James. "He's at least told her about Andy, right?" They look at her. "I really don't think so." Said James. "Do you think we should say something?" she asked. "No! it's down to him to tell people, he must know what he's doing, otherwise he wouldn't do it." Said Tom. "He's an airhead, he's obviously playing the wrong game." Said James.

Brian walked out and over to them. "Are you boys having a good time?" "Yes, as always." Said Scott. "You two, I'll have words with later...where's your brother? I've been looking for him." "There he is?" pointed James. "I'll be back for you two." Brian made his way towards Rian. "Hi dad." "Could I please talk to my son for a few minutes?" "He's your boy." Said Keira, Brian and Rian walk off down the garden and sat by the lake, Brian tapped him on the knee and looked at him. "You know, don't you?" asked Rian. "Yep." "You knew that there was a possibility that this could happen, if I don't do it, then I wouldn't be doing my duty... it took a lot for me to accept it, I didn't want to upset you." "Upset me? are you kidding me? you never upset me, your brothers on the other hand do. I am upset that it feels like yesterday that I got you home, and now I have to lose you again." "Don't say that, otherwise I'll have to make the call and cancel." "Don't you dare boy! What have I always told you kids?" "Always do what we want and never listen to others, our lives are our own and we should do what we want to be happy... and that is true, I don't care what others think, just you." "Stop it, Rian I am your dad..." "Yep, can't get past that." He chuckled. "Anyway, there has been many times in my life when all of you kids have done something which has made me sad. Watching James and Tom going into theatre for their surgeries, and seeing James seizing all the time. Jen keeping secrets about a boyfriend and being pregnant, when Scott talked to me about quitting basketball, but luckily, he didn't. You, when you got yourself locked in a store... okay, that was partly my fault, I forgot that you were with me and drove eight miles before your mom reminded me... but that still made me sad, I thought you hated me for that. But you just thought it was awesome." "It was." "What I'm saying is, fathers are meant to get upset and emotional about their kids... but this is important and your passion, if someone told me way back when that I should give up on my passion, where would we be? I wouldn't have met your mom or had any of you guys." "Now your wishing you had." He chuckled. "No, never. Not one minute... so, I want you to go and not worry about us." "But you'll worry about me." "I've always worried about you, so has everyone else." he laughed. "Hey!" laughed Rian. "Brian looked over his shoulder to Kiera. "So, is that something serious?" "I hope so." "What? You don't know? Hey, I've been in that spot, when your mom first told me that she was pregnant... I almost fucked up a whole life on a don't know, I hope so moment... you like her?" "I guess." "You can say yes or no, I won't judge you. I didn't judge when you told me that you were bisexual... so do you like her?" "Yes, but it's strange because she's like my best friend." "Me and your mom were friends for a long time, look where we ended up... does she know that you have eight days left here?" "No, I don't want to tell her either." "I think it will be easier that way." "Well, whatever you choose, just make the right choice. Come on, let's get back to this party." They walked back up to the house.

Rian sat next to Kiera and Brian walked back into house, taking a detour he walked upstairs and into his room. After walking into the bathroom, he splashed his face with water. As he turned on the taps the water shot out and splashed him on his trousers. "Damn it!" he walked into the bedroom and took off his trousers, the bedroom door opened. "Only me!" smiled Kerry. "Whoops, sorry Brian, I should have knocked." "I know your game, if you want to see me naked, you only have to ask." He smiled. "Now, don't tempt me, B... I've come to drag you back to the party, I saw you sneaked past." "So, not are only do you keep walking in on me half dressed, but you also watch me... I think you have a crush Mrs. Carter." "Oh yeah, Brian. You got me, I can't hide it anymore (She laughed) how many times do I need to tell you, I have my Nick... so, why are you up here?" "Just some things." "Good, sharing is caring, tell me." "Rian has been called to join the army; he leaves in a week." "Well, that's a bit shit, I was getting used to him too... when did you find out?" "Just this morning, he knew weeks ago. He didn't want to upset me." "I don't know what I'd do if my Brian was going to some war-torn country." "Thanks, now I feel less scared about my son being killed." "He'll be fine, you have nothing to worry about." "I hated it the first time he left, now I have to do it all over again." "He'll be back, I know it's not the same, but I did nothing but worry when my Brian went away... I know it wasn't anywhere that had guns and bombs, but I wouldn't know where he was or even if he was safe. Even now I message him every day, and he's twenty-four." "I haven't seen him in ages either, I bet he's well." "Yeah, he's performing in New York at the minute." "Nice." "It brings in the money and he really needs it." "I thought he'd be rolling in it?" "He has an expensive lifestyle." "I bet... well, we'd better get back to this party before your husband thinks we're having an affair." After putting on a new pair of trousers, they made their way back downstairs.

Saturday 3rd January 2033

A few days after his birthday Rian packed his bags, and after putting on his uniform he stepped out of his front door. Kiera walked up to his door. "Kiera, hi." "What's going on? Why are you wearing that?" "I was going to tell you, but I just couldn't find the right time." "What? You didn't have time to tell me that you were going to war?" "Well I wouldn't call it war; I'm just doing my duty; you knew I was a soldier." "What? So, basically, I'm not going to see you for god knows how long, I don't know how I'd be if something happened to you, and what do you expect me do?" "I'll be away for two years, I'm a sergeant, it's my job. I don't know what to do right now, I haven't been in this situation before. I've not only put you on hold, but my congregation and my modelling career. This is my passion; it always has been, and you know you should never give up on your passion in life." "Rian, what should I do?" she began to shed a tear. "Unfortunately, all you can do is wait. But if that's something that you feel you can't do, then we'll just have to call it a day right here." "Why would I want to call it a day? I just don't know how to take this." "Me either, but it's your call. I have to go... if I don't go then it will be classed as AWOL and I will be arrested, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, to be honest I didn't tell half of my family either... but I will be back." "I'll wait for you." "I have to go, I will message you, so you know I'm breathing." He kissed her on the head before walking down the pathway and getting into a waiting car.

As the car drove away another pulled up. "He's already left then?" Brian leant on the bonnet of his car. "That's a shame, I was hoping to catch him before he left... do you want to talk?" "I don't really know what to say, I don't think there is anything to say." "It's okay, I know how you feel. The first time he left, he was seventeen and I didn't see him again until he was twenty-two, now I have to watch him leave again." "I feel you r pain, literally." "Do you want to go for a coffee or something?" "Yeah, that would be nice, thank you." "Jump in and let's go." She climbed in the car and a short drive later they arrived at a café. "What would you like to drink?" "Can I have a unicorn Frappuccino?" "You can have whatever you like." He walked up to the counter and ordered, he shortly returned and sat down. "Here you go." "Thank you." "So... we don't really know each other that well." "I know." "Although I knew he had a girlfriend before you arrived." "How did you know?" "It's a father's intuition, there's not a lot I don't know about my kids. Like James and Tomas think I have no idea that they got high at their party and I already knew about Rian being called up before he even told me, I know all of my kids little telltale signs." "That's cute." "How long have you known Rian?" "It's been a few years." "I'm surprised he never mentioned you before, the again, he doesn't mention a lot of his friends. I think he thinks it still bothers me about his sexuality, but it really doesn't." "Yeah, I suppose so." "Does he really think like that? Because I honestly have no problems with the fact that he's bisexual, and I am happy that he's found himself a girl, because I know what it's like to be his age and be in love." "I don't know if he thinks you're uncomfortable about his sexuality, but I do know that he loves you. I think he's scared that he'll disappoint you." "My kids can never disappoint me, I've made mistakes in my life that I'm not proud of, so how I can I judge my kids for theirs? The proudest time, was seeing Rian in his uniform for the first time." "I am proud of what he does, I'm just scared." "Well, what you have to do, is take a deep breath and you just carry on. You can't just sit there and worry, you just have to keep yourself busy and you'll find that time flies by so quickly. You know, I have a son that spends half of his time in England and the other half in Kentucky, and James spends all his time flying around the world. If I spent all my time with my life on hold, then I wouldn't have a life to live." "I don't know if I can get used to this, all I can think about is if I said I love you before he left. What if something happens to him?" "Then it happens, life happens. I've had many times when I've had to come to terms with the fact that I could wake up one morning with that phone call, a call that something has happened to one of my kids. I'm scared to get the call that James had passed away, I know that it's going to happen and I'm ready for that. I know that it won't be easy to deal with, but I know that it's something that could happen. The same with their mother, I was ready for the end. But as I said, things happen, and I pray every single day that all my kids are safe. It's always a relief when I see them, or I get a phone call." "I just wish there was a guarantee that I would see Rian again." "I know in my heart that I will see him again, and that's enough of a guarantee for me. I know God is watching over him and keeping him safe." "I know that he has God by his side." "If you ever need to talk, then feel free to pop by the house." "Thank you, I just don't know what to do at the moment." "I usually just hit the gym for an hour, then I'll call a friend before just getting on with the next two years." "Funny." "No, I'm being serious." "I guess I could give it a go." "Try it for a while... you can both call each other or write to each other." "If I start calling him, I wouldn't want to stop." "It will take time, but I honestly do promise you that it will get easier, I should know... can I drop you home? I need to get back for my daughter." "No, it's okay. I might sit here for a while before I go home." "Okay, well it was nice meeting with you." "You too." Brian left and made his way home.

He walked into the living room and was greeted by Laura. "Hey, I wasn't expecting to see you here." "I know, but I heard Rian was leaving and I thought you might need a friend." "Thank you, I didn't get to say goodbye, he'd already left when I got there." "Did he?" said Rian as he walked into the room. "I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to my dad, could I? what took you so long to get here?" "I thought you'd gone; I was talking to your girlfriend." "Oh, well that will be something I'll be glad to get away from." "I thought you liked her?" asked Laura. "I do, I'm just confused right now." "Because of Andy?" "Yes, and Devon." "Devon? You mean my Devon?" asked Laura. "Yeah, what? You guys didn't know? You guys really need to talk more. You don't have to worry though; he only came onto me once and I told him no. he's family and it would be weird." "What about Andy?" asked Brian. "He's great, he has to be, I'm going to be stuck with him for the next two years. I will see how things go before I make any big decisions." "So, you don't want to be with Kiera? You're just going to break her heart like that?" asked Brian. "Maybe, I don't know... maybe I can have both?" "I really don't think that's something Kiera would like." Said Brian. "I will sort all this when I get back, I only came here to say goodbye to you, I didn't want to just up and leave like that." "I'm so happy you came here first." "And now I don't want to go, I want to stay and be with all of you... I wish I never agreed to go." "I don't know what to say to you, I love you Rian, but you need to do this. You know we would all love you to stay, but you know it's just not possible. I am so proud of you; you are my boy and to have been raised you to be the man you are today is amazing. You've been through a lot and you have made me so proud to say that you're mine." "I love you too and I love you Aunty Laura... I best go, because any longer and I'll never leave... be safe guys." Rian picked up his bag and walked out of the door, down the driveway and into an awaiting car.

Thursday 12th January 2034

Two years passed and Rian was making his way home, he stepped off the bus and hitched his bag onto his shoulder before walking through the town. He walked down by the quayside and sat down on a bench, he looked out to the ocean and let the sun warm his face, "It's pretty here, why did you want to meet me here?" "I was just enjoying the peace and quiet for a while." Jen sat down next to him. "Are you okay little brother? I know dad can't wait to see you." "I know, I just needed some time to adjust to being home." "So, why me? you don't usually ask for me." "I just felt the need to spend time with my big sister." "Are you in trouble?" "No, why would you think I was in trouble?" "Why else would you want me to be the first person you see and not dad?" "I'm not in trouble or anything like that, just being away, I realized that I didn't spend enough time with you. I guess that's a problem when you have five brothers and sisters and two jobs." "So, it bothered you?" "Yeah, because family is everything and I should spend more time with my family, all of you." "Did something happen while you were away?" Rian started to tear up and get upset. "We lost a soldier... Andy, Sergeant Andy Mossler... He was killed by a single bullet to the head." He said as a tear fell down his cheek. "I'm so sorry Rian, how did it happen?" Rian took a deep breath in. "A mix of depression pills and a handgun." "Shit, did you have any idea he was like that or thinking that way?" "None." "Nothing bothering him?" "Well yeah." He looked at her. "Do you think I could have been the reason? I know he was scared to tell everyone that he was gay, I told him he had nothing to worry about because they all knew about me, and they were okay with it... maybe he just couldn't handle the pressure, do you think it was my fault?" she hugged him. "Why would it be your fault?" "Because I was the one who told him to come out to everyone." "Okay, but you never gave him the handgun or pulled the trigger. That was his own decision... I'm so sorry baby, I knew how much you loved him." "I did love him; I just wish I could have saved him." "You did what you could, you can't blame yourself forever because it will just tear you apart. You know dad would say the same thing if he was here right now." "I know he would." He sniffed. "So, don't dwell on it... why don't I drive you home or to dads, you can chill out, even sleep." "I'd rather go back to my place, have myself a shower and get into my own bed." "Okay, come on, let's get you home." They walked to her car and she drove him home.

He walked into his house and placed his bag down before walking into the bathroom and running a shower. There was a knock at the door. "Seriously?" he put on his bathrobe and slippers before walking to the door, the bell rang again. "Yes, hold on, I'm coming." He opened the door. "Kiera." "Hi." "Hi." "You're home then?" "It looks like it." "Can I come in?" "I guess so, I was just about to have a shower and go to bed, but I can spare a minute." She walked into the house and he closed the door. "You look a state." She went to put her hand on his face, but he backed away. "Are we okay?" "You're asking me this question now?" "Yes, because I haven't heard from you over the past two years. I was worried about you, I thought something had happened to you." "Well, I'm fine, as you can see. Look, a lot has gone on while I was away, and I don't really want to talk about it. I've had a long plane journey, followed by a long coach journey. Now, all I want to do is go to bed and sleep." "Okay, I get that. I'll leave you alone then, I'm sorry I came over." She walked out of the house and Rian walked back upstairs to the bathroom.

Friday 13th January 2034

The next morning, he made his way over to his dad's house, opening the door, he walked into the entrance all. "Anyone home." Scott walked into the hall. "Scott? I wasn't expecting to see you here." Scott hugged him. "I am so sorry brother, I had to come over and be here for you." "Thank you." "How are you holding up?" "I'm doing okay." James and Tom walked into the room. "See, now I really missed you guys." Smiled Rian. They all hugged him. "Are you okay? Do you need us to do anything?" asked James. "No, honestly I am fine... how did you all know? Jen, right?" "She only told us because she cares." Said Tom. "I know she does, but honestly guys, I am okay." "When's the service?" asked Scott. "Friday." "Two days, well, we are here for you." Said James. "Thank you, I best go and see our dad, where is he?" "He's in the garden." Said Tom. "Cool, do you guys mind if I go and see him on my own?" "Sure." Said Scott. Rian made his way to the garden.

Brian was sat by the pool, as Rian made his way towards him tears filled his eyes. Brian stood up to great him, and as Rian put his arms around him, he broke down. "Hey, you... okay, everything will be okay now. You're home now, we're here for you." "I don't know what to do dad, Andy is dead... I loved him and now he's not here anymore." Brian hugged him. "Andy was a great guy, and I know you'll miss him. You have to be strong now, you're a tough guy and I know it's hard on your own." Rian sat down on a chair, he took off his hat and held it in his hands "It was awful dad, I really thought I was doing the right thing. Maybe his parents just aren't as understanding as you and mom were... he called me, we were in the mess having dinner... we thought it was odd because Andy would always be there before us... he asked me to come and talk to him, he sounded so upset on the phone... I turned up to the bunks, he had already taken a bunch of pills and he was pacing around with a bottle of vodka in one hand and his pistol in the other... he pleaded with me as a pastor to make the pain stop... I told him that I loved him, I begged him to let me help him, to tell me what I could do to help him... he just wasn't making any sense, and I tried so hard for a long time to get through to him... then he just stopped... he just looked right at me and told me that he was sorry, that he loved me... then he put his gun to his head..." "I am so sorry Rian, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I wish I could make it all better because I don't like seeing you like this, I want to take the pain away for you so bad." "I know, it's just so good to be home again." He wiped his eyes. "We love having you home too, and you have changed so much over these past two years." "You too, just a few extra grey hairs old man." "Tell me about it, most of them are from worrying about you." "I know, I'm sorry." "What are you saying sorry for? I am so proud of you Rian. Look what you have done with your life, you are a soldier, a model, and a pastor. You have achieved so much; I would never have dreamt that the baby boy I delivered would be where you are now." "I'm always by this pool." He chuckled. "I know what you meant dad... thank you, I am so glad to be home. I finally feel like I can breathe again... do you mind if I stay here for a while? I'd feel better if I'm around my family, I don't want to be on my own." "You can stay as long as you like, this is your home, it's always your home. You know that all of you kids are welcome here, whenever you want." "Thank you." "Come on, let's go and get a coffee." They walked up to the house.

Scott, James, and Tom were all sat in the kitchen. "There he is coffee has just finished brewing." Said Scott. "Hey Rian, I know it's a bit soon, but we've had nonstop calls from Kiera." Said Tom. "Yeah, I know, I'm sorry guys." "What's happening with that?" asked James. "Well, right now, the whole thing is taking a backseat. Losing Andy is hitting me pretty hard and I don't think being in a relationship is what I want right now." "Don't you think you should tell her that?" asked Scott. "I don't know what to say to her, my head is all over the place." "I know that feeling too well brother," said James putting his hands up. "He's not that messed up." Chuckled Scott. "Thanks." James laughed. "But I guess there's no time like the present right?" "You're going over to see her now?" asked Tom. "Yeah, I need to do this now, otherwise it won't ever happen." "Are you sure?" asked Brian. "Yeah." "You want one of us to come with you?" asked Tom. "No, thank you. I think I can handle this on my own," He grabbed his jacket and made his way out to his car.

He drove for a short while before arriving at her house, Rian walked up to the door, and after knocking a few times he took a step back and waited. Kiera came smiling to the door. "Hey, you, I wasn't expecting to see you today, do you want to come in?" "I don't know if I should." "Are you okay?" "No... I'm sorry Kiera, but I can't do this anymore." "I'm confused, what can't you do?" "This, us, I can't be with you anymore." "Oh, what did I do to make this happen?" "Nothing, I promise you. This is all me, I have been through some things and right now this can't happen. I just want to be alone." "So, suddenly you don't love me anymore? I know you've been away for two years, but has that much changed that we can't be together?" "Yes, a lot happened to me... I wish I could tell you, but I just can't, I'm sorry Kiera. You can hate me, you can slander my name or whatever, but please know that I didn't want to hurt you, I just wanted to be honest with how I'm feeling." "Well, okay, I'm sorry that I can't be with you anymore, because I was genuinely looking forward to be being the next Mrs. Littrell. But if that's how you feel, then I guess I must respect that, not saying I'm not upset, because I really am." "I know you are and I'm sorry I had to do this; I'm going to go... see you around." He walked back and got into his car before driving away.

He arrived back at Brian's home, walking through the door he was greeted by his dad. "How'd it go?" "As good as a breakup can get... was I wrong in doing that to her?" "You did what you thought was best." "So why do I feel so bad about it? I was in love with her, wasn't I? you know what true love feels like, does it feel bad after a breakup?" "When me and your mom broke up, it hurt a lot. It felt like my heart stopped and all the air in the room just got sucked out, you don't know if you should sit or stand, laugh or cry, and you have no idea where to go. Because that one person was your whole world, someone who you thought would always be right there, all the time wherever you were in the world, but when they leave you're just lost and feeling like you're falling really fast..." "Is that how you feel all the time?" "When your mom died, I was ready. I knew it was coming... but yeah, it still made me feel like that. The moment she took her last breath in my arms, I felt all those things all at once... but what does real deep love feel like? Like every time you see her, you can't stop smiling. You start to smile with just the thought of seeing them, then when your eyes meet, your whole body tingles and you have that urge to just hold them and never let them go, they are the first person you think of in the morning and the last at night..." "Okay, stop, I get why mom loved you. Now all I need is someone who thinks of me just like that and it'll be perfect." "You will, I'm sure there's someone out there that will love you like that, maybe you just haven't noticed yet." "You think?" "You're a good-looking guy, you're on the wall of millions of ladies walls, and no doubt men's too." "But I want someone to love me for me, not because I look good naked." "Your mom was a Backstreet Boys fan before she met me, and we were together for twenty-six years." "Mom never asked you for a penny when you were together, I know we live in this big house, but she never needed your money to make her happy, she just needed you." "And once someone gets to know you, then they will love you for you too. But don't go rushing into a relationship too soon, you've just lost Andy and ended things with Kiera, take it slow." "Do you think you'll ever be with anyone else?" "I'm too old for all of that, I got my one chance and I wouldn't change it for all the world." "You're not that old dad, you're fifty-nine... and yeah I guess you wouldn't find anyone better than our mom." "Exactly." "I love you dad." "I love you too." "So, what do I do now?" "Now, you relax. We'll make sure that Andy has a good send off, you can cry as much as you like... then you'll pick yourself up and throw yourself into things like normal, get back to one of your other jobs." "I think getting back to my church would be a great start." "Sounds like a plan" "Do you mind if I crash here tonight?" "I told you, this is your home, you can stay as long as you want." "Okay, well I might go up to my room and settle in for the night." "You can do that." "I just realized; I haven't seen Pip since I got back." "You know Pip, she's over at your Uncle AJ's with Grace." "Those two get along great, don't they?" "They sure do, it's great for the both of them to spend time together." "I'll take Pippin out this week, a bit of shopping with my baby sister." "She will love that." "You know what? I'm not going to go to bed early, I think I'll go out." "Good call, you better go and make yourself look all pretty in case you meet a nice gal or guy, I know you're not fussy." "I'm not in a rush, just some good music and some beer is all I need tonight." "Then go for it." "I'll come by tomorrow, I'll need you to help me with a few things for the funeral." "I'll be here." Rian left the house and after an hour he was at a club and dancing on the dancefloor.

January 14th 2034

Brian was sat out in the garden looking out at the horizon. "Hey dad, do you want a coffee." Asked Tom. "I'm good right now thank you." Tom walked over, sat next to him, and hugged him. "It's okay dad." "It doesn't matter how many years pass, there's just those days that always hit you in the heart." "Yeah, I know." "Nine years and I still can't get through this day without thinking about it... sitting right here, holding her and I still wish I was." "I know, we all miss her still." "I know you do." "I know she fought hard to be with us, it would have been great to have her here, to see Pippin growing up, Rian to be the man he is today, and my son grow up." "She loved all of you and her grandkids, even if she still said she wasn't old enough to be a grandmother." "Oh god, she hated to be called that, it was nan or nana, we'd never call her grandma... but you have done a great job dad, you really stood up and took charge and we're grateful for that." "It was my job, I'm your dad and you're my kids." "I know, but not just after mom died, even when she was going through her chemo and feeling sick... you were there for us and you never failed to be there for her in the process." "Again, I'm your dad and I was her husband, it was my job to take care of her; I said that in my vows, and I meant it." "I'm glad I got to have you as my dad, you really give me something to look up to, you show me what it means to be a father and a husband." "You're a soppy git, I'm just doing my job. But I do my job knowing your mom is watching over me, sometimes I can feel her looking over my shoulder and telling me what I should be doing; and equally telling me what I'm doing wrong." "Sounds about right." "Yeah it does... I still question whether moving onto a new relationship is the right thing to do?" "Of course, it's been nine years, you deserve to be happy again and she would want you to be happy." "It's going to be a tough day, all this on my mind and Rian has to say his last goodbyes to Andy." "It's a tough one, but you know Rian, he's a tough guy." "Don't get him too wrong, he may look like a tough guy on the outside, but he isn't inside. I sat and talked to him, he's broken, and I know how that feels." "I know, and lucky he has you as is daddy too. You can instill some wise words and words of comfort when he needs them, and that makes you special." "I'm happy that I brought you kids up good." "You did, you know you did." "He'll be here soon, I best go and get dressed, he'll be wanting me to help him with his uniform." "Suited and booted." "Yep, this will be an experience, my first time to an army funeral." "Oh yeah, the twelve-gun salute and the folding of the flag... I gotta go home, I just wanted to make sure you're okay, when Rian gets here wish him luck and tell him I love him." "I will do." "See you later dad." See ya later Tom." Tom walked into the house.

Pippin walked out. "Hey dad." "Hey baby girl, you okay?" "Yeah, I'm okay." Brian patted the seat next to him, so she walked over and sat down next to him, he put his arm around and hugged her before kissing her on the head. "Love you baby girl." "Love you daddy... it's that day isn't it?" "It is." "I wish I could remember it." "No, I don't think you need to. I'm happy that you don't because it's not something a three-year-old needs to go through." "Not just the funeral, I meant all of it including being with mom. I know I have pictures and video's but it's just not the same as having memories of my own with her." "I know baby, I wish your mom could see you today, she would be so proud of you." "I know, she'd be proud of you too dad, in fact I think she'd be surprised by how well you've coped with us all." "Yeah she would." He smiled.

Rian arrived at Brian's carrying his suit, he walked out into the garden. "Hey dad, hey Pip." "Hey buddy, how you feeling?" "I'm okay, just not looking forward to this afternoon, how are you feeling?" "I'm okay, I'll be okay, and I'll be there for you and Andy will be pleased that you'll be there too." "Thanks, it means a lot. I best go and iron this shirt, my uniform has been hanging in my closet for so long, I'm surprised the moths haven't eaten it." "I'm sure it'll be fine." "Yeah and I think you'll look really smart in it." Said Pippin. Rian walked into the house, into the living room and sat on the sofa. Brian walked in. "Can I get you a coffee?" "Cheers dad, that'll be great." "So, how was your night?" "It was fun, I had a good dance and a few beers, there were many good-looking people there too." "You didn't hook up, did you? You only just dumped Kiera." "No, I didn't hook up, I just talked to people." "As long as that's all it was, I don't want you getting into any more trouble, you don't need that right now." "I know, I was a good boy. I have to be, I'm a pastor." "Yes, and you remember that." "I'm not likely to forget it." Rian looked up at the picture on mantlepiece. "I wish she was here with us; I really could do with a hug from mom right now." "She's always with us." "I know, she'd have her arms wrapped around my waist and she'd be telling me that I'd be okay; that this is just one of those times when my rollercoaster drops and all I need to do is hold on tightly because things will get better in time." "And she would be right, you're still young, you still have your whole life ahead of you and many new adventures. Yes, we have this tough time today, but you will get through it, you've been through tougher times and you're still here and even stronger." "I was seventeen when mom died, I was on my way home from school when I got the call... all I ever wanted to do was make her proud of me. I know I had a lot to do because I always thought that I could never be amazing as my brothers." "Your mom so immensely proud of you, she never made you kids do anything you didn't want to do. She always encouraged you to make your own decisions and mistakes in life, she wanted you to make your own adventures and you did. You joined the army and became you man you are now. And for you to also be an underwear model and a pastor, are you kidding me? she couldn't have been anymore prouder... your brothers can't top that." "She was an amazing mom, wasn't she?" "The best." "I hope I get to give my kids the life that I had." "You want to be a father?" "Yeah, I think it would be amazing. I see Jen and my brothers with their kids, and I can't wait to have that, I'm not in a rush though." "Obviously, but wouldn't that be strange?" "Why? Because I'm bisexual? Doesn't mean I can't have kids." "I didn't mean it like that, I meant you'll have to settle down with a girl and not date a man again, or be with a man and adopt, but if you want your own biological kid then you'll need a woman for that." "I get that, and I've always said I'd happily settle down with a woman... Andy was different." "I know he was, and I was just getting to like him." "Me too... well, I best go and get my uniform on." "I best get my suit on too." They both walks upstairs.

A while later there was a knock at the door. Brian walked down the stairs putting on his jacket. "Hi Kiera and friend." "Brian, is Rian here? We went to his place and he's not there." "He's just upstairs, come on in, he'll be down in a minute." They walk into the house and into the living room. "You look smart." "Thank you, we have somewhere to be very soon." "We shouldn't be too long... sorry I forgot to introduce you, Marie this is Brian, Rian's dad." "She finally introduced us, it's nice to meet you." Said Brian. "I'm still in shock because I didn't think Rian lived in a place like this." "This is the family home." "She looked at the picture above the fireplace. "Wow, is that your whole family?" "It is." "All of your sons are so good looking." "Yes, they are, they get that from me." he smiled. "Your wife looks amazing; she looks like someone you can have a laugh with, is she not going with you today?" Kiera looked at Brian with apology. "Erm, no, my wife passed away a while ago." "Oh, I am so sorry, I didn't know." "It's okay." Rian walked into the room. "Kiera? And Marie... wow, okay, can I help you?" "We wanted to talk, but we can see that you're busy." Said Kiera. "We are, can you come back later? Right now, is really not good for me." "Okay, just drop me text when you're free and I'll come over." Kiera and Marie left the house.

Rian sat down on the sofa. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, that was the last thing I needed today." "I know, who was that girl?" "I met her last night at the club, I had no idea that she knew Kiera... I just want to get this funeral and this day over and done with." "And we will do... I promise you that you will find a way to get yourself out of the trouble you've put yourself in." "I didn't intentionally mean to do that; I just went for some fun. I didn't sleep with her or anything, we just talked, and I bought her drinks." "Oh, so why does she have a problem with you then?" "Because she talked to Kiera, she probably told her that I'm a bad person because I dumped her." "That doesn't make you a terrible person, she'll get over it eventually... anyway, let's get you to this funeral before you're late." They walk to the car and are soon on their way.

Later that evening Rian was at his home, he put on some loud music and opened a beer, there was a knock at the door. "Yeah, I'm coming." He answered the door. "Your dad said that you'd come back here." "Well I do live here, I guess you want to come in?" they walked into the house and Marie closed the door, Rian turned down the music. "Please sit, I'm guessing you want to talk to me." "We did, are you okay?" asked Kiera. "I am fucking fantastic, I have had such a fun day, so why don't you add to my happiness today." "Something you want to get off your chest?" asked Marie. "Not really but anyway... look Kiera, all I did was talk to Marie, I didn't sleep with her, all I did was talk to her and buy her drinks, so I don't get why you're so pissy?" "I never said I was, what is wrong with you?" "Do you know why I was dressed up today? I was on my way to a funeral, what's up with me? I just had to bury a member of my platoon, one of my friends, my boyfriend... yes, I'm sorry Marie, I am bisexual... on top of that today is the anniversary of my own mothers funeral too, so I'm sorry that my day doesn't revolve around you." "I'm sorry, you could have just told me. I would have supported you." "Would you? Really?" "Yes, if you had given me a chance." "Well, I'm sorry. At the minute everything is feeling numb right now, the whole situation was a bit of a shock and I'm still trying to get my head around it." "I get that, losing someone is hard." "I just need some space right now; I just need to re-center myself and work out what I need to do next." "Okay, look, I am sorry about your friend." "Me too." Said Marie. "We'll leave you alone, please call me if you need someone to talk to." Kiera and Marie left the house.

Rian walked around his house for a while before heading upstairs to his room, he sat down on his bed and opened his bedside drawer, reaching in a he pulled out a small plastic bag.

Half an hour later and there's a call on James's phone. "Rian, all okay?... Okay, Rian calm down, I'll be right over." James grabbed his jacket. "Where are you going?" asked Chrissy. "Rian needs me... he's really upset." "I can take you there, save you getting the bus and the kids will be fine for five minutes." "If you're sure?" "Yes, come on, I'll let them know we're just going out." James got into the car and waited for Chrissy to come out.

They soon arrived at his house. "I will call you later babe when I've calmed him down." "Okay, tell him I love him." "I will do." James walked up to the front door and rang the bell. "Rian, it's me, James." He rang the bell again before heading round to the back door, opening it he walked inside. "Rian! It's James, where you ate brother?" He walked around the house and found Rian in the bedroom. "Hey brother, you called me?" Rian looked at him. "Holy shit, what did you do? Seriously, you idiot... what did you take?" He searched the room until he found the bag. "Seriously, you did coke. What were you thinking?" "I can't cope Jim; I don't know what to do." "Well, one of the things you don't do, is that. Where did you get it from?" "Your bag." He looked at him. "You snooped my bag? Rian, you're better than this." He sat down on the bed and Rian hugged him. "I'm here for you brother." "I'm such a bad person." "No, you're not." "I couldn't save him, I let my own boyfriend die." "There was nothing you could have done, you loved him, and he knew that. Unfortunately, there are just families out there that aren't as understanding like ours. We love you as you are because that's how God made you, some people are just set in their ways and its difficult." "But I made him tell his family, we wanted to be together properly, I really loved him." "I know you did." "I just can't get the pictures out of my head, I close my eyes and all I can see is Andy... and he's just gone, laying in his own blood." James hugged him. "I am so sorry, I'm so sorry that something like that happened to you, I wish I could make it all go away... but drugs really aren't the way to do that. You need to get some help, speak to a doctor, and get some real meds. I don't want you to go through all the shit that I had to... okay, yes it doesn't look good that you found that bag of cocaine in my bag, but I am not as bad as I was... you're my little brother and you know I will do all I can to help you through this." "James." "Yep." "I need a sandwich." "Okay, I'll go make you a sandwich, you stay here okay?" "Okay." James walked down to the kitchen and made Rian and peanut butter and jam sandwich before heading back upstairs. As he walked into the room Rian was asleep.

James placed the plate on the bedside table and turned out the light, he then walked back down the stairs and turned off the stereo, the lights and locked the doors and windows. He then walked back upstairs to Rian's room and lay down beside him "Sleep well brother, I'll be right here if you need me." he covered them both with the duvet and rested his eyes.

The next morning James woke to the smell of bacon, he made his way downstairs. "Good morning Jim." "Morning." "Breakfast will be ready in a minute." "You didn't have to cook me breakfast." "And you didn't have to stay and look after me, thank you... I know what I did was stupid." "Yes, it was. I know you're supposed to look up to your older brothers and we as your brothers are supposed to set a good example, but there are just some things that we do that really don't meet that criteria." "As I now know." "But you are old enough to be able to think for yourself." "I know, I just thought as you use it to help you, that it might help me." "Put your arms out." "Why?" "Just do it." Rian put his arms out and James looked at them before holding out his own arms. "Some things are really stupid, please don't ever feel like you need to do this to yourself, it will break my heart if I ever see you in that much pain. Now learn from me, doing shit like this can ruin your life, it can also end your life. I don't want to lose my little brother because he made the same stupid mistakes that I did, I just couldn't live with myself." "I promise I won't." "How are you feeling now?" "Crappy." "Regretting taking something you shouldn't?" "Definitely... dad's right, I need to get back into work, I need a distraction." "Good, I have an interview and a photoshoot to do, I think you, Tom and Scott should join me. we can do a topless shoot, something that millions of girls would pin up on their walls, show them what us Littrell brothers are all about." "Sounds like a plan." I thought you'd like that idea; you love getting your shirt off." "Well, if you've got it, you gotta flaunt it, I worked hard to look this good." "Tell me about it." They both laughed.

Scott walked into his home and placed his kitbag on the floor. "Yay, more stinky sweaty clothes for me to wash." Said Cassie. "No, I can wash them myself." "Good day at the game?" "Nope, our new coach is pushing us hard this season. I'm starting to think I'm getting too old for basketball." "No, you're not, I've seen you play, you're amazing, the best player on the court." "You're only saying that because you're my wifey." "Of course, otherwise I would have said that Kevin was the best." "Seriously, my cousin has nothing on me." "Anyway, your brother called." "Okay, you need to be a bit more specific." "James called." "Okay." "He wants you to join him for a photo-shoot." "Okay, did he say why?" "He's having an interview done about you brothers, so I may have to tag along." "I thought everyone knew everything about us." "Yes, but you're older now." She grinned. "What's that cheeky smile for?" "The photo shoot is a topless one, I can't wait." "Yay, awesome topless? Really? I'm not sure how Tom will feel about that, he's still a bit self-conscious about his arm." "I don't think people will notice his arm when he has his shirt off." "True... wait, hey!" "Well, you boys are identical. Wait, are you identical in all areas?" "Well, that's personal, I don't make it a thing to compare the size of mine and my brother's penis's... it would be a shame if I was the only one who was well endowed." "Then I am the lucky girl." "Of course, ... I guess I should give him a call back and find out what the deal is." Scott took the phone from his pocket and gave him a call.

He sat down on the sofa. "Hey Jim, sorry I missed your call, I was driving back from the game." "It's cool." "So, what's with this photoshoot you want us to do?" "I thought it would be a great idea to get all of us brothers together and update everyone on where we're at." "Okay." "You know, because the last people heard about us was when we were ten, and other than me and you, we've been pretty silent. So, time for the Littrell brothers to make a comeback." "Okay." "Yeah, we'll have some pictures taken of us in our usual work clothes, so, you in your jersey, Tom in his suit, Rian in his... well either his soldier uniform, actually the girls will love him more in that than his church get up; and of course, me in my stage gear." "Right, okay." "Yeah, and for the second shoot we'll just be topless." "Cassie mentioned that, and you think Tom will be okay with that?" "Why wouldn't he be?" "Because of his arm?" "Dude, I'm going to be shirtless too, scars and all. If I can do that and be proud, then he can too." "I guess." "So, are you in?" "Yeah, why not. I was just about to ask if Rian would be okay with it, then I realized that he does that for a living... how's he doing?" "I think he'll be okay, I had to go over and look after him, I honestly could have killed him... he had gone through my bag while we were at dads, he took a bag of cocaine from my bag." "I thought you'd stopped?" "I have, I didn't realize there was a bag left in there... anyway, dipstick only took it." "Seriously?" "I stayed with him to make sure he was okay." "What was he thinking?" "It's my fault, he'd seen me do it and he thought it would help him." "Did it?" "Nope, I did give him the big brother talk. I sort of laid my heart out a little bit, I couldn't help it, he's our little brother... I told him he didn't want to end up like me." "I'm stuck looking like you, so I know he doesn't want to look like you too." Scott chuckled. "But it's true, I may have been an arrogant dick back then, but Rian doesn't need to do that to himself." "We'll keep an eye on him, and maybe this photoshoot will be a great distraction for him." "That's what I thought." "Okay, just give us a date and time I will be there." "Cool, I'll speak to you later yeah?" "Yep." "Love you brother." Love you too, bye." "Bye." Scott ended the call and walked back into the kitchen.

Cassie looked at him. "All sorted?" "Yep, it'll be nice to spend the day with my brothers." "Well, I want see those pictures before they're printed." "I'll get you your own collection, just don't start falling for my brothers." "I have you already, I don't fancy your brothers. Yes, I know you're all hot, but you forget, I know your brothers." "Okay, that is a bit of a turn off... I'm such a lucky man, meeting an amazing woman like you." "Well you're the only one who flew to London and tripped into my life." "Yeah, don't remind me, what a first impression that was huh?" "Well, I loved it... do you know how many girls fancied you in college? All of them, who could resist your blonde hair, blue eyes and that sexy, sexy accent, you were very popular." "But only you caught my eye." "Yeah, well I think it's more because you fell over in front of me, and because you were so embarrassed you had to date me." "So not true, it was just happenstance that I just happened to trip up in front of the most beautiful girl in school... my dad was the one who convinced me to go to London, he said I would find the girl of my dreams there and of course he was right. Plus, all the girls knew I was the son of a Backstreet Boy and James is my brother, that's the only reason they liked me." "Luckily, I had no idea who the Backstreet Boys were until I met you and your family." "Then you wanted to run away." "No! I love your family... we need to go and visit your dad; I worry about him." "You worry about him?" "Of course, I do, I do love your dad too you know... I worry about him all alone in that big house." "He's not alone, he has Pippin." "I know, and I know he loves her a whole bunch. But he needs more, he needs to go out and meet someone, he needs to be happy again." "He is happy." "You should know your dad by now Scott, he knows how to put on a show, and he doesn't want you to know that he's lonely. The last time we were there, I walked down the stairs to get a glass of water, your dad was sat in the living room, he had just a small light on next to him and he was crying... I had never seen your dad like that, other than at your mom's funeral." "Did you talk to him?" "I couldn't, but I really felt bad for him." "Why didn't you tell me?" "Because he is allowed to cry and be emotional, he is a human being. If I had told you that your dad was alone and upset, what would you have done?" "I would have made sure that he was okay." "That's why I didn't tell you, because you would have rushed down there and he wouldn't have wanted that, he obviously needed that time to himself." "Now I feel bad." "You know that wasn't my intention." "I know, it just made me realize that I really need to talk to him more... he did a lot for us growing up, we really should pay back the favor." "You know he loved what he did, and he loved all of you." "Maybe, I feel like we just take him for granted. I think we just expect him to be there for us when we need him, we didn't even notice he was struggling when mom was sick." "That's because he hid it so well, he even performed on stage with a smile on his face and jumping around." "The shows were his life, he'd smile and have fun because mom was there, he knew she'd be having the time of her life and that made him happy... but I don't think it fully sunk in until that show in London... I think seeing her picture on the big screen is when it hit him that she wasn't going to be there anymore... wow, we do need to visit him... I don't think I ever realized just how strong my dad was... I don't think I could function if I ever lost you." "Aww baby, now I feel like I've upset you, you look upset." "I'm not, but thinking about it, you just don't realize how fast time passes and that one day, I could lose you, or you could lose me... just doesn't bare thinking about... I just want to hug my dad." "Okay, maybe we can go over tomorrow, it's getting late and we don't really want to be dragging the girls on a long road trip at this time." "I know, for now, I'll just hug you instead." "I like that idea." He hugged her.

Brian and Rian returned home. "You okay boy?" "Yeah, I just want to get out of my uniform and get into something a bit more me." "Pink tutu's and glitter?" he chuckled, and Rian looked at him and chuckled. "That's not funny." "You're the one laughing, go and get changed." Rian walked upstairs, Brian took off his suit jacket and put it on the chair. A while later Rian came downstairs. "Better?" "Much better." "Pippin should be home soon." "Yay, I can't wait to see her, I haven't got a chance since I got back. So, as soon as she gets home, I will take her shopping and spoil her, I know I said that the other day, but I ended up lousy." "I'm sure she will love an evening with her brother." "Why don't you go and get changed, I'm sure you don't want to spend the rest of the day in that suit." "Good idea, I'll be back down in a bit." Brian walked upstairs.

Pippin walked through the front door. "Dad! I'm home." She walked into the living room. "Rian!" "Hey beautiful girl." She grabbed him and hugged him. "I missed you." "I missed you too, look at you, you've grown." "You've changed too." "I know, I guess two years away will do that... hey, I was talking to dad about me taking you shopping." "Ooh, when?" "Tonight, just as soon as you get changed out of your uniform." "Awesome, I will be back down really quick." Pippin ran up the stairs. "Hey, slow down Pip." "Sorry dad, Rian is takin me shopping so I need to get changed." "Okay, but be careful and slow down, you don't want to hurt yourself." "I'll be careful." She walked into her room and Brian walked down the stairs.

He joined Rian in the living room. "Well, she's excited, I don't think she could get up those stairs any quicker... don't go too crazy on her and make sure you two get something to eat." "Yes dad." "You know she loves you, even if you don't spend money on her." "I know, I was actually giving you a break for the night, why don't you go out and have some fun." "On my own?" "See if one of the fellas are free if you don't want to go on your own." "I'll see, I'll ask around." "Good, go out and be you for the night, I have Pippin and she will be fine." "I will see, okay? It's been a long time since I've been out." "Well maybe now is the time, you never know, you might even meet someone." Brian looked at him. "Don't give me that look, you know you need someone in your life." "I had someone; I don't need anyone else." "Yeah, you do. You can't just sit around here for the rest of your life; you need to find someone who will make you happy." "You kids make me happy, that's all I need." "Whatever, just go out and enjoy yourself, please." "Okay, if it makes you happy." "Yes, it will." "Okay, I'll call around and see who's free." Brian grabbed his phone and made some calls.

Pippin walked down the stairs. "Rian, I'm ready." "Yes, you are, I have been looking forward to this since I got back, time with my baby sister and a good shopping trip." "Good, because dad is a nightmare when we go shopping." "No, I'm not, cheeky. Right, away with the pair of you and please behave." He smiled. Rian and Pippin put on their coats and left the house.

That evening, Brian, AJ, and Laura made their way to a bar in town. "Yay, finally a night out and we got you into a bar too." Smiled Laura. "This was all Rian's idea." "Good boy, we finally got you out after nine years." Said AJ. "Yes, okay. But that doesn't mean that I'm looking for a date." "Of course not, why would we think that?" chuckled Laura. "Anyway, I'm too old for all of that." "Really? I can see a few eyes that think otherwise. Brian, you're a good-looking guy, even if you do have a few grey hairs. Many women would love to get their hands on you." "You do remember that I was married to your sister?" "Yes, and I'm sure she would want you to move on and be happy, you deserve it after all of these years." "She's right B." "You have to say that, she's your wife... okay, I will keep my options open, but I'm not rushing into anything." "Good, now drinks, mine will be a large glass of wine." Smiled Laura. AJ and Brian look at each other. "Whenever each of you is ready." "Me then." said AJ making his way to the bar. "Do I really have eyes on me?" "I knew you'd be curious." "I can't help it, how many?" "Well, so far, about six women have looked over here, hopefully they're not looking at AJ because I'll break their knee-caps." "Violence." "But as AJ is at the bar and they're still looking over here, maybe they're trying to work out if I'm with AJ or you." "Oh, well I suggest you kiss AJ when he gets back." "So much for not being interested." "I'm still a man." "I've seen what you have under that shirt and a granddad bod you do not have." "It doesn't hurt to look good, besides, I have to keep up with my boys." AJ returned with the drinks. "Here we go." He placed the tray on the table. "Thank you, baby." Laura kissed him and Brian looked away.

An hour later and Brian and made his way to the bathroom, he watched as eyes followed him across the room. As he walked back out, he signaled Laura and AJ that he was buying the next round and waited for a barman to become free. "Hi." Brian looked next to him. "Hi." "I'm Brandy." "Brian." "Hi Brian, are you having a nice evening?" "Yeah, it's been a long time since I've been in a bar." "Really? Well you seem okay." "What's on the outside is not how I feel on the inside, I'm terrified." "We don't bite here, I promise... so how long has it been since you visited a bar?" "About nine years, how long does it take to get a drink around here?" "It's crazy when it gets busy... are you here on your own?" Laura walked over. "Brian can you get me a and coke please instead of wine?" "Yeah." "Thank you, love you." She walked back to the table. "Girlfriend?" asked Brandy. "No, she's my sister-in-law." "Oh, you're married?" "No." "No, so why do you wear a wedding ring?" A barman walked over. "Can I help you?" "Yeah, can I have a pint of coke, a Courvoisier and coke, double and a pint of Budweiser please." "Are you okay?" asked Brandy, Brian took a few deep breaths in and out. "You don't look well." The barman soon brought over the drinks, he quickly paid for then and took the tray to the table before rushing outside. "Where's he going?" said AJ. "Go and check on him." AJ walked outside and Brian was throwing up in the alley. "You okay?" Brian shook his head and wiped his mouth. "What is wrong with me?" "Nothing, are you okay?" "I've just embarrassed myself in front of a woman who was clearly showing me some attention, she started asking me questions and I just panicked." "That's okay, it's just nerves. I'm sure the woman you were talking to will understand." "I knew I wouldn't be able to do it." "I thought you were doing well." "I was, until she started asking me about my wedding ring... then I ended up out here." "Okay, it's probably a difficult conversation for you still, but you also have to realize that it's been nine years." "I know, in my head I know it's been that long, and I know that I should be able to move on. But in my heart, she's still here and I'm not sure if I want to let her go yet." "And you'll never know unless you let someone else in your life... come on, let's get back inside and try and enjoy the rest of the night." They walk back into the bar. "Oh yay." "What?" "Laura only invited her to join us." "You'll be okay, me and Laura will keep you safe." "Thanks." They walk over and sit down at the table. "Are you okay?" asked Laura. "Yeah, I just needed some air." "I was just telling Brandy about you." "Oh, hopefully all the good parts?" he smiled. "Your sister was telling me about your children, you don't look old enough to have six children." "Thank you." "Brian is a great father, he's been bringing up his youngest daughter on his own for the past nine years, and she is an amazing young lady." Said AJ. "Yeah, Laura was telling me. I still can't believe this man is single, I would have thought someone would have snapped him up by now." "He's a very good-looking man, unfortunately he has an issue when it comes to meeting women." "Okay AJ, I thought we weren't going to talk about the negatives... anyway, I'm giving it a go, and I'm sure I'll get better. You do know that I'm a one-woman guy, I don't do one-night stands." AJ looked at Laura and smirked. "Seriously, don't even go there AJ, seriously." "I said nothing." "There's nothing wrong with a bad boy." Said Brandy. "Oh, I think there's a few people who'll disagree." Said Brian. "Anyway, Brian is an awesome brother-in-law. He is loving, caring, and always makes you laugh." "Okay." Smiled Brandy. "Calm down, she's trying to make me look good. I'm just a regular guy, a family man." The bar calls time. "Wow is it really that late?" asked AJ. "Yes, we should be getting back." Said Laura. "Here." Brian wrote down his number on a napkin and handed it to Brandy. "It's been nice meeting you." "It was nice to meet you too." Brian left the bar with Laura and AJ.

Sunday 15th January 2034

The next afternoon there was a buzz on the front gate. "Okay." Rian picked up the door phone. "Hello, can I help you?" "Hi, I'm looking for Brian." "Come on up." Rian opened the gate and waited by the front door, he watched as she looked around. "Can I help you?" "Yeah, no, he doesn't know that I'm coming here." "Come in and I will find him for you." They walk into the entrance hall and Rian closed the door. "Take a seat in the living room and I will go and see where he is, who shall I say is looking for him?" "I'm Brandy." Rian walked off. Brandy looked around the room at all the pictures on the shelves. "Hi." "Hi." She put the picture back on the mantle. "Sorry, I was just looking." "That's okay." "I tried to call you but you didn't answer, I thought you might have given me a fake number... so I came over, and to be honest, when I saw the house I still thought it was a fake address." "Well, here I am." "Yes, you are... I love your house." "Thank you, my wife picked it." "Ah, she is a beautiful woman." "Yeah, she was... she died nine years ago... she died of a brain tumor; she was only forty-two. So, you don't have to worry about her walking back into my life." "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you about that last night." "It's okay, I just wasn't ready for that yet." Rian walked into the room. "I am going to work, have fun." "Yep, see you later." Rian walked out of the house. "Son number four, excuse the outfit, a pastor is just one of his jobs." "That's a good job." "Sorry for not answering your calls, I was in the studio and I usually turn my phone off." "You have a studio?" "Yeah, why don't I take you on a tour of the place." "Okay sure." "Well, this is of course is the living room, it's not used that much really, most of the time when people come over, we end up in the kitchen. I think this room is usually used when we have parties or Christmas." "Do you have a lot of people over at Christmas?" "Yeah, everybody comes, my whole family and friends." "Sounds like fun." They walk into the kitchen. "This is my kitchen, the main meeting place at parties, through those doors is the dining room. Same as the living room, it only gets used for parties and Christmas... we spend most of our time eating our dinner in the conservatory... my wife used to like to watch the sunset over the water... anyway, next room." "I think seeing the sunset at dinner sounds like a nice idea." They walked into the next room. "This is the study, again a room that never actually gets used, but it had to be something." He chuckled. "I'm surprised you didn't turn it into a man cave." "I never thought about that, but with just me and Pippin here, she spends most of her time in her room, so I have the house to myself anyway... upstairs." They walked up the stairs and into a room. "This room belonged to my oldest daughter, now it's just a guest room for when guests stay." "It's a big room." "Yeah, well Teddy had a lot of stuff." "Your daughter is called Teddy?" "No, it's her nickname." "My sister's name is Jenni-Kay, my dad never calls her by her real name." said Scott behind them. "Thank you, Scott, can I help you?" "No, I was just getting something from my room." "Top drawer, blue box and tell James that he's an idiot." "I will do." Scott walked into his room. "I'm sorry about that." "No problem, kids will be kids, no matter how old they get." Smiled Brandy.

A few more rooms and they made their way into the garden. "You have a pool?" "Yeah, always a hit in the summer with the grandkids. We also have a barbeque area and a chill out area with a firepit, many a game of chubby bunny played there." "Chubby bunny?" "Yeah you know, when you cook marshmallows and see how many you can fit in your mouth... anyway, it's funny after a few beers and Nick still holds the record." He smiled. "Oh, and we also have this." They walk down to the water's edge. "This amazing part of the ocean on our back yard." "It's a beautiful place and your house is amazing." "Are you free tonight?" "I think so." "If I can convince my kids to look after Pippin, would you like to go out for a drink? A second chance at a first impression?" "Sure, that would be lovely, although, I think being here is a good impression." "Nah, all this is just money, a real impression is the person." "True, so it'll be good to get to know the real you." "Exactly." "Well, I best get home and get ready for tonight then." "Awesome." Brian walked Brandy to the front door. "So, I will see you tonight." "Yes, same place, around eight?" "I can make that." "See you then." Brandy walked down the driveway and out the gate.

"Nice." Brian turned around. "Yes, she is." "All shiny and new." "Jim, don't." "I'm not doing anything." "I'm not going to explain myself to you." "I didn't say that you had to." "It's that look, it's been nine years. I think I'm allowed to find someone." "So much for 'your mom will be the only woman I will ever love'." "And she was, she is... but I need some companionship." "You mean sex?" "No, I mean companionship, someone who will love me and be with me." "You make it sound as if mom died on purpose, I'm sure she wanted to be with you forever too, you know." "Don't you think I know that? I wanted to be with your mother forever, but life is crappy James and unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be. I hate that she's not here, but I have someone who wants to be with me... don't jump to conclusions and start making assumptions until you get to know her." "I'll get to know her." "Good." Brian walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa.

James walked into the kitchen. "That was a bit harsh." Said Cassie. "Was it? Now I feel bad." "So, you should, your dad has put you kids first over the past nine years, he worked hard to keep things going. If your dad feels it's time to move on, don't you think he's allowed?" "I guess." "Then chill out and relax, dad will never forget mom, seriously, how can he? He needs this Jim." Said Scott. "Okay... I just don't like the idea of having another mom." "Talk about rush into things, he's only just met her." Said Cassie. "Maybe I should apologize then?" "No, just leave him be." "I can't leave him, I feel awful... I'm going to apologize." James made a cup of coffee and walked into the other room.

He sat down next to Brian and passed him the coffee. "I thought you might want one... I'm sorry for being an ass, I was scared." "And I get that." "I know you deserve happiness in your life... I loved my mom and it scares me that there could be another woman entering my life and becoming my step-mom." "Slow down bud, I've only known her a day... if things progress to anything more in the future, I will talk it through with you kids." "I know you would... I just worry about you, you're already sick, you've had that sore throat thing for a long time." "I know and I'm sorting it." "Good, I need you on a record with me." "Really, you still want me singing with you?" "Yes, you help me boost sales... I'm kidding, I can do that on my own, I just like stealing your fans." "Cheeky." "Well, I'll be in the studio for another hour before I head home, I need to spend some time with Chrissy and the kids." "Good idea, instead of hiding out here." "I'm not hiding out, I'm working." "Uh huh, okay." "I am, you know I am, you were literally in there with me until your date turned up." "I know, I was kidding." "Right, I'm going back to the studio." "Okay, send Scott in, I think he wanted to talk to me about something." "Okay, I'll send twin number one in." "You do that." James walked out and Scott walked in.

He sat down next to Brian. "This must be serious; you're sitting next to me." "Well, it's not serious, I'm just worried about you." "There's nothing to worry about." Scott looked at him. "You can talk to me dad... I know I should see you more, I spend most of my time just thinking about myself that I just forget about you." "You're a grown man, you don't need to be worrying about me." "I know how alone you're feeling, I miss mom, I always will. I know it's been nine years but I still wish she was here so I could talk to her... I've seen you a few times, sitting in here, crying alone in the dark. It breaks my heart." "Well, I was hoping you kids wouldn't notice... I just sit in this room and look up at that picture on the wall, and yeah it is hard, everything I've done and all I want to do is sit down and tell her all about my day... all the school achievements that Pippin gets, and I wish your mom was here to celebrate them with us, like she's supposed to be. Pippin never got the chance to know your mom like you all did, kids are asking her why she doesn't have a mom and it's really upsetting for her." "She knows she can talk to any of us about her, if she wants to know anything." "I know but telling her about her mom just isn't the same. You kids have so many great memories with her to remember, but she doesn't have any." "I know, but she does get great memories growing up with you... okay, yes, we grew up with you too, but now we're all grown up, we don't see you as much. So, she has all the pleasure and fun of making memories with you now." "I really wanted to spend more time with you kids, but my job was what kept us living here." "I'm not upset about that; I loved the way we grew up. I wouldn't change that, not for all the love in the world." "Really?" "Yes, really. Even when we were always asked for our photo to be taken with strange people." "Well, you are triplets, and many people were surprised when they saw you." "It still happens now, I even get those looks from girls who are trying to decide if I'm James or not... but seriously, I loved my childhood." Brian stood up and walked a few steps. "I'm scared Scott, I know I need to move on, but it's scaring the shit out of me... back when I met your mom, I was young, confident and cocky. I'm just not him anymore, and having to start over again with someone knew, I don't know what to do. I'm meant to be meeting her tonight, and it scares me." "First date?" "Yeah, it was bad enough last night, I just couldn't handle it and ended up throwing up." "Dad, it's just a date. You must have been on dates with mom?" Brian thought for a moment. "Umm, I took her for a picnic once when we first met, I took her shopping... she did not like that." "I know, she hated you buying her things, but she did let you buy this house." "Yes, because we needed a house for all you kids. She didn't like me buying things she didn't need... I didn't have to try hard to get your mom to fall in love with me, because she already was. To be honest, I think within a few days I was in love with her too. What if I don't get that sort of connection with Brandy?" "Dad, Brandy isn't mom. Of course, it's going to be different, you can't expect her to be just like mom because she not... just be you, and I'm sure she will come to love you." "I get that." "Ignore what James says, I know he's the same as you, and he still finds it hard her not being here." "I best find something to wear... would you mind watching Pippin for me?" "You know I will, she's my sister." "Thanks." Brian made his way upstairs.

That evening Brian was sat at a table waiting for Brandy to arrive, he looked up as Kerry and Nick walked in. Nick walked over to the bar and Kerry walked over. "Well, hello, don't you look all smart and sexy, why are you here on your own?" "I'm waiting for someone." "Oh, a lady friend?" "Yes, she should be here soon." "Good on you, I'm proud of you, you've been single for long enough." "So, everyone keeps reminding me." "Well, we'll leave you to your date." "Thank you." Kerry and Nick sat at a table nearby.

Brandy soon arrived, Brian stood up and greeted her. "Hey." "Hi, you look good, I love the suit." "I feel overdressed, you look amazing." Brandy sat down and Brian sat after. "Drinks? What would you like to drink?" "I'll just have a beer please." "Yes, of course." He walked up to the bar and Kerry walked up to him. "Well, she's pretty, what's her name." "Brandy." "Nice, and about time, just don't be so nervous. It's about time someone sexed you up, got to say, I am jealous she gets to get her hands on you and not me." "We've not gone there, we've only just met, we don't even know each other. Besides, you know you can get your hands on me whenever you want." He grinned cheekily. "Cheeky boy, well, have fun." Kerry walked back to sit with nick.

Brian took the drinks back to the table. "Here we go." He smiled. "It was really nice meeting your boys today." "Yeah, my house can be pretty busy sometimes." "I guess the kids never really leave home, do they?" "Nope, although I don't see much of my second son Tomas, he works as a real estate agent." "That's a good job." "Yeah, he deals with the high-end clients. So, he sells mansions and expensive penthouses." "So, number two son would make him part of the triplets?" "Yeah, James and Tom were also born conjoined. It's rare enough to get identical triplets, then to have two who where conjoined was even more rare... so Tomas only has his right arm and the top to the elbow of his left arm, James had the lower part." "Your family get more and more interesting." "I don't do things by half... so, tell me a little bit about yourself." "There's not much to tell really, I had a terrible childhood. My parents weren't the best in the world, I was abused as a kid." "That's terrible." "Yeah, look, just so you're aware, I have epilepsy. I was born with it, it's one of the reasons my parents treated me badly." Brian looked at her shocked. "Now, that makes me angry. James has a lot of health problems, his most serious is also epilepsy. How can parents be so cruel? I am so sorry... but you're here and you're stronger for it... I wouldn't let it get in the way of anything in my life, or my kids' lives." "You're a strong person yourself, for what you've told me about your family so far, I tell you I have epilepsy and it doesn't faze you one bit." "Was it supposed to? I'm just that type of guy, I was put here by God to help people." "Well, he blessed you with those kids, I think he got confused with mine." "Well I'm here for you now... if that's something you want?" "I think it sounds like something I'd like to give a good try." "That's a yes then?" He moved closer to her and kissed her, he could here Kerry clapping behind him. "Does she know you?" asked Brandy. "Unfortunately, yes. I didn't invite then, they just turned up. The one clapping is Kerry, the poor guy looking embarrassed next to her is her husband and my best friend, Nick." "Oh, okay." "You want to finish these drinks and come back to mine; I have more beer?" "Good idea." They finished their drinks.

After getting an uber home, they walked into the house. "Peace and quiet... Scott took Pippin to his for the night and he'll take her to school in the morning." "Your youngest, I'm yet to meet her. So why was there such a big age gap?" "Pip wasn't actually planned for, we thought we were too old for anymore kids. I guess we just weren't as careful as we should have been, and along she came. Sometimes it can be awkward when we're out, people think I'm her grandad... but she laughs it off and tells them that I'm her dad." "She's a very blessed girl to have a daddy like you." "Wait till you meet her, she has a personality believe me, I think her brothers are a bad influence... my oldest, Teddy, tries to help out, she's the closest she has to a mother figure and she knows she can talk to her whenever she wants." "I love your family already; I can't wait to be a part of it." "Me too." He smiled before kissing her.

Monday January 16th 2034

The next morning, James walked into the house, he had his headphones on and was singing out loud. Walking into the kitchen he stopped singing when he saw Brandy sat at the breakfast counter. "Hi." He said as he pulled out his headphones. "Hi." She smiled. James looked around. "Is my dad here?" "He's upstairs in the shower." "Okay." "I'm Brandy." "Sorry... yes, I'm James." "It's nice to meet you James. "Sorry, you just surprised me a bit." "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm sorry, I would love to talk but I only came here to pick up some of my disks from the studio." "Of course." James walked out of the kitchen and out the back door.

Brian walked down not long after. "Hey, you, did you sleep okay?" "I slept really well; your daughters' bed was so comfy." "I'm sorry for not sharing my bed with you, I just need a little bit more time." "I completely understand, you don't have to explain... oh, your son James is in the studio." "He didn't say he was coming over today." "He said something about some disks he needed." "Oh, yeah, he's been renovating his house." "Nice." "Well, I say he has, it's more his wife Christian." "Good idea, letting the wife take charge." "Yep, James can be more indecisive than a woman." He laughed. "I hope I didn't scare him.?" "Why would you scare him?" "I don't think he was expecting to see me sitting here, he was having a great time singing to himself." "I'm sure he'll be fine... he's still coming to terms with me dating." "He doesn't have anything to worry about, I'm not going to steal you away from him." "I told him that too, but he can be very stubborn." "I can talk to him if you want, put his mind at ease." "If you don't mind, I don't want to push you into it." "I would love to, plus, we have the same health condition, so I can connect with him in that way." "I think that's a good idea, other than his charity, he doesn't know anyone with epilepsy." "I had a read about him online, he's had it since birth?" "Yeah, he was the last one born, and by the time they began to pull him out the cord was wrapped around his neck. He ended up not being able to breathe which caused him to have a hypoxic-ischemic brain injury, this led to him having epilepsy." "A bit of a shock for you and his mom, right?" "Yeah, we were already told that Tom had his kidney problems... so to find out that the boys were conjoined, and that James also had holes in his heart and his epilepsy, we found it very emotional. The worst thing about the whole situation, was that I had to leave for my work. My support wasn't there for her, and I think deep down she hated me for that." "I'm sure she didn't, the boys ended up okay in the end, didn't they?" "Yes, they did, they're our special boys. After losing our first son, the boys were a blessing." Brian looked at his watch. "Has he come back yet?" "I don't know." "I'll call his phone." He called his phone, but it rang and rang until it went to answerphone. "I think we need to check on him." They made their way over to the studio.

They walked through the door and James looked at them. "Okay, what did I do?" he asked. "Are you okay?" asked Brian. "Yeah, I was just picking up the disks." As he turned around, he noticed blood on the back of James's shirt. "Woah, okay, you need to sit down now." Brian passed him a chair. "What's wrong? You're making me panic." Brian took off his shirt and held it to the back of James's head. "Am I bleeding?" "Yes." Brandy knelt in front of him. "Hi James, how are you feeling?" "Confused, I don't know what happened." "Honey, I think you had a seizure, I need you to relax and take some deep breaths for me okay." "Okay." "What did he hit his head on?" Brandy asked Brian. He looked around and spotted blood and some hair on the edge of the mixing desk. "He hit the desk... boy I know you don't want to, but we have to get you to the hospital. You've had a seizure and you've got a nasty cut on the back of your head." "Can't you just patch me up?" "No, for all we know you might have fractured your skull and have concussion." "For fuck sake!" Brian and Brandy walked him to the car, and they made their way to the hospital.

James had returned from his CT scan; Brian had left the room to make some calls. "I'm sorry about this." "Sorry for what? It's something you can't control." "I wish I never had it." "I know the feeling hun, I have epilepsy too, so I know exactly what you're going through." "You do?" "Yeah, I really do." "But this is starting to affect my job... I haven't told my dad or my wife because it's not that easy." "I totally get you James, but if something happens then they'll wonder why you didn't, they may be able to help you." "How? My brain is broken, I'm broken... I have a photoshoot to do with my brothers and for me it's going to be a hard one." "James, I know you're worried, and I can see that you're very wary of me." "I'm not." "Are you sure?" "Okay, only a little bit." "Look, I can assure you that I'm definitely not taking your dad away from you. What you have with your dad is very special and I know how much your mom meant to you all... I don't want to take her place, believe me. From what your dad has told me about her, I know there is no way I could ever replace her. Me and your dad are still getting to know each other." "I know, I'm sorry. Would you like to join us at the photoshoot? It will be a good way to meet me and my brothers." "I will talk about it with your dad, but I can't see why not." "Cool, it will be great to have some support there for us." "I would love to, and I'm sure your dad will love to be there too." "Thanks." He smiled.

Brian walked back in with the doctor. "Hey James, well, good news, you haven't got any fractures. You do have a contusion to the back of your head, we will clean it up and put in a couple of stitches... so just rest for a few days, okay?" "Sure thing doc." "Okay, I'll send in the nurse and I'll go write up your discharge papers." The doctor walked out, and Brian looked at them both. "Everything okay in here?" he asked. "Yes, we were just talking. James would like us to come along to his photoshoot tomorrow." "Oh, yeah I can't see why not." "It's a photoshoot and interview about me and my brothers." "Oh, well that sounds like it would be good fun." "It's a sort of where are we all now kind of thing, we'll be doing the first part dressed in our day job outfits, so Scott is in his basketball gear, Tom in his suit, Ryan in his soldier uniform and me in one of my stage outfits." "Well I can see girls and women everywhere ripping those pictures out of the magazine's and sticking them on their walls." "Yeah man because we're just that sexy." "I have no idea where you got that from." He laughed. The nurse came through the door and began cleaning and stitching James's head.

The next morning the boys arrived at the photoshoot. "Hey Scotty." James hugged him. "Hey Jim, Tom is on his way and I'm sure I drove past Rian's Hummer." "Awesome." "Are you okay, you look nervous." "I'm fine." Scott looked at him. "What did you do to your head?" "Don't start." "Did you have another seizure?" "I didn't think it would be a bad one... I hit my head on the mixer desk on the way down." "Are you okay to do today?" "Yes, I just have my own issues to deal with today, but I want us to have fun." "I'm sure we will." "And dad is coming along with his new girlfriend." "Okay, right, really?" "Yes, I invited them." "You did?" "Yes." "Tom walked in. "Hey my brothers, what's occurring?" "Jim has invited dad and his new girlfriend to join us." "Oh, wait, dad has a new girlfriend?" he laughed. "Yes, dad really does have a girlfriend. And according to James, she's a knockout." Scott laughed and James looked at him unimpressed. "Is that why I've had a headache? Did you have another seizure? Let me see the damage." Said Tom. "No, I hit my head, but it's fine now." "Okay, but we will be keeping an eye on you." Said Tom. "You really don't need to do that." Rian walked in. "Make way for the best-looking brother in this room, sexy is coming through." He smiled. "I think you'll find I'm already here." Said Scott. "Me too." Said Tom. "Seriously, I was here before all of you." Said James. "I brought my camo gear to wear, is that okay?" asked Rian. "That's perfect, Tom are you okay having photo's taken without your prosthetic?" "Yeah, I can do that. It is about laying everything bare and being us, right?" "Yes, and the second part is us shirtless." "I can do shirtless." Said Rian. "Yes, and trouser less and panty less, but today it's just shirtless only okay?" said Scott. "Okay boys, shall we get started?" said the photographer.

They take a few shots in their normal day clothes before getting changed into their work clothes. Brian walked in with Brandy. "Look at my boys, how's it going?" They all look over. "Brandy these are my boys, Scott the basketball star, James you already know, and Tomas." Hi." Said Tom. "I thought Rian was supposed to be here?" Rian walked out of the changing room in his soldier uniform holding a rifle. "You brought a gun?" asked Scott. "It's not loaded, it's just a prop." "Well, I prefer that outfit to your pastor one." Said Brandy. "See, I look hot." He smiled. "Boys stop it, now get on." Brian and Brandy took a seat behind the camera as the boys took individual shots, then onto group shots as they began laughing.

Brandy looked at Brian as he looked incredibly proud of his boys. "You have an amazing bunch of boys." "It's good to see them together and having a good laugh." "My first time seeing your triplets together, they really are identical, aren't they?" "Yeah, but only in looks though." "And Rian is so similar, you can tell they're brothers." James looked over at them. "Ready for shirtless shots now boys?... and just tops Rian." They start taking their tops off. Tom took off his suit jacket and shirt before taking off his prosthetic arm and placing it on the table, he looked over at James. "You need to take your shirt off too Jim." "I know." "So, why are you still wearing it?" he looked at everyone. "Maybe I didn't think this through, I was so worried about you, that I forgot about me." "James, we are your brothers, we love you, we support you and we are here for you forever, we will certainly never judge you... be brave." Said Scott. James took off his jacket and hooked it on the chair, he then took off his top. He had scars up both his arms and a few on his hips. They all looked at him for a moment before walking over and hugging him, Scott held James's arm and looked at him. "This is your life, your journey, your struggle. This does not make you a bad person, this makes you a strong survivor and a human being. We love you regardless of your difficulties and disabilities, we are family. I support you, and I support your struggles in your recovery. Don't be ashamed, because I am not, I want you to stand with me and our brothers and show everyone that love is the most powerful thing that a family can possess, can you do that?" he asked. Tom placed his hand on top of Scotts and Rian did this also. "Brothers for life." Said Rian. He looked at the three of them. "I can do this; we can do this." After a group hug they boys continued with their shoot.

Brandy held Brian's hand, he looked over at her and smiled. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, that just got me a little emotional. Your boys really love each other, don't they?" "Always." They boys continued to take pictures. Jenni and Pippin walked in. "Yay, hey, you don't mind if we get a few shots with our sisters, do you?" James asked the magazine manager. "Sure, I think it'll make a good section." "Awesome, and you two don't have to take your tops off." "Good, I should hope not." Smiled Jen. "Hey, you guys don't mind if I jump in do you? it'll make a for a great family photo." Asked Brian. "Sure, the whole Littrell family." Brian stood in the middle of the mat. "Hey Jim." "Yeah." "I love you." "I love you too dad." Jen stood to the left of Brian, Rian on his right, the triplets knelt in front of his with Pippin. "Say, Littrell's." "How about we say family." Said Pippin. "Family!" the photo was taken, and Brandy looked at them and smiled.

A quick break before the boys moved onto the interview. Brandy sat down next to James. "Hi." "Hi." "Do you mind if I sit with you?" James pulled a seat next to him. "I guess my dad still hadn't told you everything." "Nope, but I don't blame him. I'm sure you wouldn't want everyone knowing?" "The whole world knows already, I decided to come clean; I just couldn't hide it anymore. My drinking, my drugs, depression... hence the scars, I knew my brothers would support me. It's just the first time I've let people take pictures of my scars, usually I have them photoshopped out, that includes the one on my chest." "Matching with your dad." Yeah." "Well, as someone who doesn't know you that well, I can see your fans being as incredibly supportive as your brothers. Tom, I hadn't met till today, and even though your dad has told me about his prosthetic arm, it is different seeing it in person." "Does it scare you? You know Tom doesn't know any different, he's been that way since birth. I have a permanent attachment to my brother, minus a pinky finger." He held up his hand. "They did a good job; you can only just see where you were conjoined. Even I'm super proud of you boys, and I've only just met you." "Thank you." Tom walked over. "Room for a small one?" he smiled. "Of course." Smiled Brandy. "I am so happy to have my clothes back on, I thought I'd leave my arm off for a bit... hi, I'm Tom. Sorry, I've forgotten your name." "Brandy." "Of course, nice to meet you Brandy. Well, what a way to meet for the first time, shirtless and armless." He smiled. "I have to say, your dad speaks very highly of you boys, and seeing you today, I can see why." "Have you met our sisters?" "Not yet." "Well, let me introduce them to you." Brandy and Tom walk over to Brian and the girls. "Jen." He called. "Ah yes, where are my manners? Teddy this is Brandy." Smiled Brian. "Please, call me Jen. My dad very rarely calls me by my real name, it's nice to finally put a face to a name." "Same here, I was just telling Tom that your dad talks about you all the time." "All good I hope?" "Definitely all good, and I have to say, I already love you guys... so, you're the oldest?" "I am, and my dad loves me the most for it... I'm kidding, he doesn't have a favorite really." "So, why does he call you Teddy?" "He calls me Teddy because he wasn't keen on my real name, my mom and my ex auntie named me; so, he just calls me Teddy instead. I don't mind it though, I'm used to it, and my dad got her back by calling my sister Pippin." She pointed to Pippin who was playing around with Scott. "Ah yes, I'm yet to meet the youngest one." Jen called Pippin over. "Pip, this is dad's friend." "You mean his girlfriend? Hi, I'm Pippin." "Hi, I'm Brandy." "Hi Brandy, welcome to our crazy family." "Thank you." "So, they haven't scared you away yet?" asked Brian. "Are you kidding me? you have a great family and I can clearly see that they adore you, and they are so polite." "Well, dad brought us up with the church. Mom wasn't a religious person, but our daddy here, didn't mind that and he just loved her for who she was." "Well, whatever your dad did, he did it right." "Thank you, right, me and Pippin need to make a move. We'll let you all get on; we have some shopping to do." "Lovely, enjoy your day." Smiled Brandy. "And you guys too." Jen and Pippin left the hall. "We're going to make a move too guys, now y'all behave now okay?" "Yes dad." Smiled Scott.

Brian and Brandy arrived back at Brian's home. "Can I make you a coffee?" "Yes please... well, you really must have had your hands full with all of those growing up?" "Well, yes and no. I was away working most of the time, so my wife looked after them. To be honest, it never bothered me, I loved the excitement, the noise, and the games. Hide and seek in this house was the best, and the older they got, the better they got at hiding... the little nooks and cubby holes they'd find. I haven't even asked; do you have children?" "No, I was unable to have any children. But it's okay as I get to get to know your children." "I'm sorry to hear that." "It's okay, I think I'm over it by now. So... I know this is a stupid question, but how did you end up having so many children?" "One, way too much time away from my wife. Teddy was totally unplanned, then our second, Junior... in a way, was also unplanned, but we knew we wanted more than one child. But he just wasn't meant to stay with us... then our three magic miracles came along, they were most definitely unplanned, okay we expected one, but when we saw three heartbeats on the screen, we knew we were ready. Even though at the time we were going through a rough patch, and I seriously had to beg her to take me back." "What happened?" "I didn't cope too well with losing our baby, I drank too much and ended up letting one of our dancers get to close...I didn't sleep with her or anything like that, but she put her hands on my body where only my wife should." "Not good, I hope you behaved yourself since?" "Yeah, it may have happened once after that, but I told my wife and she punched her in the face... but anyway. Rian again was unplanned, but we decided that he would be our last, and that we had enough with our five bundles of energy already." "Then little Pippin?" "Yeah, a fifteen-year age gap and she was a surprise... so here we are. Feeling and looking too old to be her daddy, she has nieces and a nephew the same age as her... but she gives me happiness and joy every single day." "I can see, I saw how she shone in your eyes when you looked at her and both your girls." "Both of my girls are special to me; they have been so strong over the years and have turned into amazing women." "I wish I could have had that; I know there is no dwelling on it because what's done is done now. Now I have you and now I get the chance to experience what it's like to be a mom." She kissed him.

Over at the photoshoot, the boys had sat down for their interview.

Interviewer: Hey boys, it's great to see you. You're all grown up and may I say, looking great.

James: Thank you. Tom: Thank you Scott: Thank you. Rian: Thank you

Interviewer: So, how have things been and what have you been up to over the years?

Scott: well, I spent a lot of time in England where I still study. I am now married, and I have two daughters, my twin girls who are now ten years old. I play basketball for the Kentucky wildcats, which is of course my dad's favorite team.

Tom: I'm not married yet, but I have a girlfriend and we have a son together. My boy Noah and he's nine, I now work as a realtor and I sell houses to the rich and famous.

Rian: Me, I am currently single, I am bisexual. I have many jobs, I work in the church as a pastor, I am a soldier in the army and I also work as an underwear model.

James: And of course, me, I am married with four children, and I am still enjoying my job in the music industry.

Interviewer: wow, you're all very talented young men. Now, being brothers, what is it like to be brothers and growing up in a famous family?

Scott: As brothers, we will and have our differences and fights, but deep down we have a lot of love for each other. Growing up having two of my brothers, my twin brothers that both have serious health issues, we found it especially important to make sure that we know how much we love and value each other. Growing up and not knowing if Tom would get a kidney transplant or if James will have a serious seizure, it was scary, and we wouldn't know if each day would be the we'd see each other. Also growing up in a famous household, I don't think we really see it that way. Our parents gave us a normal life, we attended normal schools and colleges.

Rian: Our parents always taught us to be who we wanted to be and not what everyone else wanted us to be, and there's no such word as can't. Tomas took that on one hundred percent, he never let the fact that he only had one hand stop him from joining in with the rest of us. Swimming, basketball, baseball and even getting the cookies from the top cupboard, he had no problem.

James: He even climbed a tree outside of our house in Kentucky, scared the life out of our dad. One minute he was playing on the lawn, the next he was about four branches up.

(The boys laughed)

Interviewer: we touched upon support earlier, given recent events, what sort of support have you given?

Scott: I know that they're all looking at me because I'm the oldest brother. As I said earlier, I love my brothers and they know that I will always have time for them, whatever the problem. I've been there for Tomas growing up, when kids used to pick on him for being different. I am always on the end of the phone for James when he needs some brotherly advice, and just recently I was on the phone to Rian when he needed to talk about the recent passing of a boyfriend. By the way I totally support his sexual preference, it makes no difference to me. I love him because he's my brother, no matter what.

Tom: To refer to my brother James's recent shock confession... I love him. The industry he's in is a hard one, and with the added stress of having epilepsy it's just not easy. I know it can be a hard job and it does take a toll on you... I support his recovery; in fact, we all support him in that. Drink and drugs are so easy to come by when you're in the industry, and to see my twin brother hit that low point in his life was low for me too. Jim always comes across as very confident and sometimes very cocky, he'll come on to that stage and he'll look like he's having a great time... but behind the scenes he is exhausted, in pain and fighting away any seizures. I know that he is scared that he could do a show, and that show could be his last. That he could have a seizure that could end his career and potentially his life, and it scares me too.

James: I just want to bring to light, that it's okay for men and even boys to cry, to know that whatever is going on in your life that makes you feel low, there are people out there that want to help you. Please don't be scared, and don't be ashamed to reach out and ask for that help. Also please don't think that endless amounts of alcohol or drugs will make things easier, because it really doesn't. All it does is make things worse and it can break relationships, friendships, and families... do I regret my self-harming? Yes, I do. And again, please don't think that's a great idea. I am left with permanent scars all over my body, and I have to look at them every day. I wish that I had got help from the beginning, really, I do. I am very blessed to have that family that I do, and I love them all.

Interviewer: now I can see why all the girls love you guys, you're all so down to earth and the sweetest brothers I have ever met... so what was it like growing up in the Backstreet Boys family and having Brian Littrell as your dad?

Tom: It was and is still a lot of fun, Nick, AJ, Howie, and Kevin are all considered our uncles and all their families are a part of ours. I am dating Lacey Carter; James is married to Christian Mclean and our sister is married to Alex Mclean. So, a few of us really are families. For me, having Brian as our dad was cool, he really is a great dad. I know he was away working for a large part of our lives, but he always made up for that once he was home.

Scott: Family has always been important to our dad, from the moment he walked through the doors, he always made it his number one thing to make sure we knew how much he missed us all.

Interviewer: Does your dad have a favourite out of all of you?

Rian: Out of all six of us?

(they all look at each other) All: Pippin (They laughed)

James: honestly, he doesn't have a favourite. We all said Pippin because she is the youngest. No, that's the best thing about our dad, he has this amazing ability to connect to each of us and our own personalities. He's always been there as a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen, I love my dad, and I know that my brothers and sisters do also. He is our hero and we commend him greatly for being there for us and being so strong over the past few years.

Interviewer: Is it okay to ask you about the loss of your mom? We all knew your mom, but you all really knew who she was.

James: She was amazingly awesome.

Tom: she was the most loving mom; she was strong, and she knew how to make us feel loved.

Scott: She carried us, she brought us into his world. She showed us right from wrong and the word can't never exist in our house. She practically brought us up on her own, and that's amazing. I find my twin girls a handful, so I know how much she had to deal with. On top of that she was looking after James's epilepsy, making sure Tom had his medications and sitting with him through his dialysis, she was amazing.

Rian: Wow... I'm sorry, just thinking about my mom and so many memories flood my head. We were blessed to have her, and for us to call her mom. The amazing part to our mom, was the endless amount of love that she had, not just for us, but for our dad... I loved watching them when they were together, and even now I want what they had. The way that they would look at each other with so much passion, just a glance and you could hear her heart scream out that she loved him. They weren't just our mom and dad, or just husband and wife, they were best friends and soul mates. (He took a deep breath) ... That's one memory that I have, and it still kills me and breaks my heart even now. I returned home from college and there was an ambulance in the driveway... then I saw uncle Kevin, my heart began to race as I started to panic... to hear him say those words that my mom had passed... my first thoughts weren't 'Oh my god, my mom is dead'... my first thoughts were 'Oh my god, my dad just lost his world'... My heart just broke and I cried in Kevin's arms.

Tom: It was a shock to all of us, I know that mom and dad knew that her time was coming to an end a lot sooner than we did, but they never made anything out of it. They were always insistent that their private lives remained that way as much as possible, my mom's illness and tumor was something that they made sure was as private as they could make it.

Scott: Mom never showed weakness, she never complained, and she always had a smile on her face. I know that it broke her heart to know that she was going to have to leave behind her children and her husband... just thinking about that now, and I'm fighting my tears... the toughest part I think for her, was actually leaving behind our baby sister Pippin. I know we joked about her earlier, but she was only three when mom passed away. With us, mom got to see us grow and make memories together, we were all old enough to understand loss and death. But she never got to make those memories with her and that's been really hard for her.

James: Mom wasn't just mom; she was our best friend and god blessed us in abundance to let us have her. Her passing still affects me even now, and just talking about it with you and looking around at my brothers... I can see that we're all finding it hard to hold back the tears... you just never get over losing a parent... sorry, I just need a few minutes...

James stood up and walked out of the room. "I'll go." Scott stood up and followed him. "You okay?" James grabbed him and cried into his shoulder, Scott put his arms around him and held him. "It's okay, I got you brother... I could see you were struggling; you forget just how much you loved someone, until you start talking and remembering them. "I miss mom, I want her back... I need her, I need to make all this pain go away." "She may not be with us in person, but she is here, right here, right now. She is a part of all of us, and she will always be in our hearts." "You don't get it! Look at these!" he rolled up his sleeves. "I can't cope, I'm lost Scott. My head is just a pot of jumbled wires and a sticky mess. I don't know who I'm meant to be, I'm an asshole... sitting in there and listening to those stories, and all I could think about was how much of a selfish ass I was... because where was I at moms funeral?" "You were there." "Yeah, I was there, I was so high that I can barely remember it. I just remember being so numb, and everyone just looking at me and watching me for suicide watch." "Yes, you didn't handle mom's death very well, it was hard for all of us... you wouldn't let us in, you only had to ask us for help, we're your brothers." "I didn't know what was wrong with me, so how could I have told you? Nine years and look at me. Yeah, I can put on a great show, look at me, look at me, life is great! But inside I'm screaming and hurting... I look at all of you and Jen and Pippin, and I wish that I could be like you. Strong, independent, and confident. Because for me, it's like a long drop off a high diving board into an abyss of water with rock's tied to my feet... I'm just begging to feel that breath of fresh air and weightlessness, for just once in my life." Scott looked at him with tears in his eyes. "I love you, you know that right? And I mean that. I love you with the whole of my heart, we shared a heartbeat for nine months, we held each other tight as we grew. Hearing you tell me all of this, I feel like I failed you as a brother. You're my twin, I should have seen this, I should have stepped up and stopped this from happening to you, I should have helped you." "You never failed me, I failed myself, I did this to me. I put a blade to my skin, I smoked the drugs, and poured alcohol down my throat... I have depression, that's not a secret, I made sure everyone knew that... now seeing dad move on and be with someone new, I'm lost and I can't cope... so what does my body decide to do? It decides to just flip out and I end up seizing and cracking my head open." "Have you spoken to Christian about this?" "How can I do that? I can just about deal with this myself, without seeing her heart break. I've hurt her enough without falling off the wagon again." Scott looked at him. "Are you high right now?" "No, I'm not high. If I were high, I wouldn't be having this conversation with you, I'd still be in there pretending that life is great." "You need to sit down with dad and talk to him, don't be scared about it, he is tougher than you think. You need someone tough on your side, and I'm not saying that I don't want to help you, far from it. But there is only so much I can do before it breaks me into a million pieces. Hearing my twin brother talk about ending his life... it's hard to cope with that." "I'm sorry." "What are you apologizing for? You have nothing to be sorry about, nothing. I meant every single fucking word in there James Tomas Littrell, and I Scott Jordan Littrell promise to stand by you, to support you, and to love you for eternity. I look in that mirror wherever I am and I smile, I smile because when I look in that mirror, I get to see the two people that I am connected to by my soul and who I love enormously. I see you and I see Tom, and it brings me joy and I feel blessed that I get to do that." "I wish I could do that, when I look in the mirror all I see you is you and T looking at me with disgust and disappointment." "Look at me, do I look like I'm disgusted with you? Do I look like I'm disappointed in you? No, Jim, look at all you've achieved in your life, how can I be any of those things? You have an amazing family, a great career... yes, you have fallen a few times, but you always pick yourself up and carry on. Regardless of whether it's a show or not, you did it, you pushed on and you made it work. I don't know what it's like for you every day, I don't know what it's like to go through my day not knowing if I was going to have a seizure or not, and for that I have a deep respect for you. You still get on that stage and you put on that act, but you never falter and you never give up. You are strong, you just have to start believing that." James hugged him. "I love you brother." Said Scott. "I love you brother." "We need to go back in, they'll be searching for us in a bit." "I'm sorry." Scott looked at him. "Yes, I know, but I shouldn't have offloaded this all onto you. You didn't need any of this today, today was supposed to be about spending time together and having fun. Instead I am out here crying and looking a hot mess." "You want me to give you five minutes to compose yourself?" "Yeah, please." Scott walked back inside, and James sat down on the floor.

20th January 2034

A few days later, Brian was over in the studio, Pippin was in the kitchen making some lunch. "Pippin." "Hey Brandy, I was just making some lunch, dad's in the studio, so I thought I'd make him something to eat." "He loves it in there, doesn't he?" "It's his place to go and think about things, music helps him when he's stressed out. He knows he can go in there and be left alone." "Do you mind when your dad does that and leaves you in the house alone?" "I'm used to being in this house alone a lot, most of the time I don't mind it." "Has your dad ever thought about moving to a smaller place?" "He tried, we lived in Kentucky for a while. The house we have there is smaller-ish than this one, then we had the house in London for six years that was a lot smaller." "Why did he move to London for so long?" "Dad didn't cope every well at all when mom died, and he couldn't be in this house anymore... I loved growing up in the different places." "It must have been exciting?" "It was dad said it was worth it so I could grow up getting to know my backgrounds." "Did your dad ever date anyone while you were in London?" "No, I don't think he could bring himself to be with anyone else. When we came back, he had a date with a lady called Khloe, but he couldn't cope with the change and decided to break it off. Please be patient with him, it would be nice to see him happy again... and you don't have to worry, I really didn't mind not having a mom, what's to miss when you never had one?... I'm going to take dad his sandwich." "Okay sweetie." Pippin picked up the plate and walked out of the back door.

She walked into the studio and placed the plate on the table. "Dad, I bought you some lunch... Daddy?" she looked through the window to the recording booth. "Daddy!" she ran round, and Brian was on the floor. "Pip." "It's okay daddy." She took out her phone and called for an ambulance before grabbing the walkie talkie. "Brandy! Brandy, are you there?" Brandy grabbed the radio. "Pippin, what's wrong?" "It's my dad, I think he's dying, I need help." "Pipi, have you called an ambulance?" "Yes." She put the walkie talkie down beside her. "Daddy, please don't leave me." Brian held her hand.

The ambulance soon arrived, and Brian was taken to hospital. Brandy and Pippin were sat waiting for Brian to come out of theatre. "Are you okay Pip?" "My dad almost died... what would I do, my dad is all I have." "I know, honey, your dad will be okay, the doctors will make him better again." Nick walked through the door "Uncle Nick." Pippin ran over and hugged him. "Hi... I'm Nick." "Brandy." "Hi, how's Brian doing?" "He's in theatre, how did you know he was here?" "Pippin has an alert on her phone that lets me know if somethings happened to her or Brian. "Oh." "Yeah, it was put on there because it was only the pair of them at home. I'm her godfather, so I get the call and a phone tracker tells me where she is." "Brian didn't tell you that I was there." "Nope, this is the first time I've met you, and I'm sorry it's not under better circumstances." "I know." Kerry walked into the room. "I found you, I had to ask a nurse where you were." "Aunty Kerry." Pippin hugged her. "Bless ya, are you okay babe?" "Yeah, I just got scared about dad." "I know, I spoke to a nurse and she said that your dad is all fixed and he'll be here soon, okay?" "Kerry, this is Brandy." Said Nick. "Oh, hi Brandy, I'm Kerry... so you're dating Brian, right?" "Yeah." "Well, good on him, about time he found someone who makes him happy." "Thank you." "Now, I'm just waiting for your dad to get here so I can tell him off." "Why do you need to tell him off?" "Because I do... it's a private conversation we had." "Did he tell you e was sick?" asked Brandy. "I promised him that I would keep it to myself, he didn't want anyone else knowing... he's been taking medications for his heart since before he came home." "You should have said something." Said Nick. "I promised him that I wouldn't, and he's been fine." "Until today." Said Brandy. "I haven't spoken to Brian for days, if there was something wrong then he would have told me." "You two are his two best friends, he's lucky to have friends like you. But what's happened has happened, and we all need to help him and Pippin." "And we will." Smiled Kerry.

The door opened and Brian was wheeled in. "Daddy!" smiled Pippin. "Hey baby." The nurse helped him onto the bed before attaching a heart monitor to his chest. "Looks like I have my own welcoming party." "You're a very lucky man... I will leave you to your friends." "And my daughter." "This is your daughter?" asked the nurse. "Yeah, me and my wife had her very late in life, but she is the best thing to have happened to us." "It must have been a surprise for you both?" she directed her question at Brandy. "Oh, no, I'm not his wife, I'm his girlfriend." "Oh, I am so sorry." "Pippins mom died nine years ago." "I'm sorry to hear that... well I'll leave you now." The nurse left the room. "How are you feeling?" asked Brandy. "I feel like an elephant sat on my chest, but they said I'll be fine." "Good, you gave me a scare." She smiled. "Why didn't you tell us that you were unwell? We could have helped you." asked Nick. "That's why I didn't, I was fine, I was taking my medications and seeing my doctor." "You're my brother, it still would have been good to know." Said Nick. "I'm sorry... but I am so glad that this beautiful baby girl found me and saved me." He hugged Pippin. "What would I do without you huh?" "Love you daddy." "I love you too baby." "How long are they going to keep you in for?" asked Brandy. "Twenty-four hours, just to be safe. Then with some new meds and some rest, I'll be back to my old self again." "Good, we need the old Brian back, I've missed that one... you've been through it today, we'll leave you to get some rest, and we'll see you a bit later okay?" said Kerry. "Okay, thank you guys for coming and making sure I was okay." "That's what friends are for." Said Nick. "Pippin, would you like to come and stay at ours for the night?" "Yes please, is that okay daddy?" "Of course, it is, you go and have fun with Kerry and Nick." "Okay daddy, I love you." "Love you too baby." Pippin grabbed her coat and followed Kerry and Nick out.

They climbed into the car. "Are you okay? You had a bot of a shock today?" said Kerry. "Yeah, I'm happy that dad is okay." "You were a very brave girl, your daddy is so proud of you, and good on you for remembering you have a panic button." Said Nick. "You were lucky that Brandy was there too, your dad must like her a lot." "I don't know, they don't kiss, and they don't share a bedroom, it's like they're just friends." "Maybe your dad is just taking it slowly. Finding someone after your mum is a difficult thing for your dad." Said Kerry. "I know." "Do you like her?" "She's okay, I don't really know her. I'll see how things go, it's just strange for me because I've never had a mom before." "Well, you have had a mum and she was a great mum too. You know she didn't want to lose you, but god just couldn't wait to get his angel back." Said Kerry. "I know, dad already told me... I'm glad that God didn't take my dad away from me, I want him to stick around forever." "I'm sure he'll do his best to do that." Said Nick.

23rd January 2034

Two days later and Brian was at home resting, the front door opened, and James walked into the living room. "Hye Jim." "Hey dad." James walked over and threw his arms around him. "Hey, it's okay, I'll be okay." They sat down on the sofa; Brian looked at him. "You got something on your mind? I'm all ears if you need to talk." James nodded his head. "Yeah dad, I do, I really, really need to talk... I need help." "Okay, talk me through what's wrong?" "It's just a few things that came up in the interview and it really hit me hard." "Okay, what sort of things?" "Things about mom... I know she's been gone a long time, but I don't think that I'm over it and I don't think I'm coping very well." "You know that I'm here for you Jim, I still miss her too." "It's killing me not having her here... I'm struggling every day and I don't know how to stop." "Stop what?" "This downward spiral that I'm on." He put his hand in his bag and pulled out a bag of weed and three joints. "James! What are you doing with that?" "I can't stop dad." "I thought you went to rehab and you were clean?" "I was, I did... but the past few months have been so hard, and I'm so tired. I hate who I am, and I don't want to ruin everything... then having my brothers talk about our mom... I don't know if I can do it, I just want her here to hold me and tell me that everything will be okay, and she'll make it all better." "I want to help you James... will you let me help you?" "I want you to help me before I do something stupid." "What have you thought about?" "I just want this pain to stop, I want to be able to think like a normal person. I want to have just one day without a seizure, just one day where I can finally breathe again. Every day is like I'm underwater and I'm fighting to break the surface...I just need that relief." Brian looked at James a tear fell from his eyes, he held James's hand in his. "You know I love you right? You know that you mean the world to me, all of you kids do... its breaking my heart to hear you talk like that." "It scares me that every day I think about ending my life, I have tried so hard to fight what's happening in my head." "How can I help you? Please, I don't want to see you go though this on your own... did I fail you as a father? I should have seen this; I should have helped you a long time ago." James looked at Brian. "You never failed me as a father, daddy, you are the greatest father that a son could have asked for. You have done nothing wrong... I failed myself. I ama weak man... I have been begging for help for a long time, my scars are a reminder of that... I'm so lost dad, I just don't know what to do. My mom is dead, she really is dead and all I want to do is hole her again." Brian grabbed James and held him tightly in his arms. "I love you James Tomas Littrell, and I'll be damned if I let you leave me, you hear me? You are my son; you are loved, and you are very much wanted. I will do everything in my power to help you and bring you back again." "I love you daddy and I never want you to leave me... you scared me, finding out that you had a heart attack... I can't do it dad. If I'd have lost you too, then my life would have been over, a life without my mom is hard enough; but without my father, without you... my world just wouldn't exist." "Hey, you know I would never leave you, right? Laying on the floor in the studio that scared me, I was scared that I was going to die without saying goodbye to you kids... you still have a lot of life to live Jim, you have your family to fight for and Christian is your life. Have you told her about this?" "How can I do that? I already broke her heart once because if this." "Okay, and she was right there next to you, supporting you. You need to talk to her and tell her what's going on." "I need you to tell her for me, you said you would help me... I need you to take me back to rehab." "Are you sure?" "I need to dad, before I do something stupid." "Okay, when?" "Now, if I put it off then I'll never go... please dad, please do this for me." "Okay." They grabbed their jackets and after leaving the house they get into the car.

They drove a few miles away before arriving at the centre. "Are you sure you want to do this?" "Nope, but I need to do this... can you come in with me?" "Of course." They both get out of the car and walk towards the entrance, walking through the doors, James looked around. "I can do this." "Yes, you can, you've come this far." He walked up to the reception desk. "Hi, I need to book myself in... I need help." "Okay, can I have your name?" "James Tomas Littrell, birthday is seventeenth of December two thousand and two. My birthplace is Dartford, Kent, United Kingdom, place of residence is Kissimmee Florida." "Okay, loads of information, you've been here before?" "Yes, I have." "Can I have the name and number for your next of kin?" "That will be my dad, Brian Littrell." he gave her Brian's phone number. "Okay, let's get you settled in." "Cam I just say goodbye to my dad?" "Of course." James walked over and threw his arms around Brian. "Bye dad, I love you." "I love you too boy, now, go get batter okay?" "I will, I promise... tell Chrissy I said sorry and that I love her." "I will do." James took a step back. "Bye dad." "Bye James." James waked away and disappeared though a set of doors down the hall. Brian walked to his car, and after sitting for a while he drove off down the street.

  To be Continued.........