Right now I'm supposed to be overjoyed with the knowledge that I have overcome my inability to improvise in front of people. Yet here I am sitting on the stone bench and overlooking the empty spot where Nate has held so many of his street performances.
And he is to blame for it all.
He is the reason why I managed to improvise on that stage less than half an hour ago. But at the same time he's also the reason why my shoulders are hanging low and why my usually sturdy appetite is miles away today.
Damn him and his violin.
As I'm looking at the familiar spot, I can almost imagine the way he proudly stood in the sunlight, and hear the different melodies which managed to pass through my barrier of hip hop music. I can't believe it has been only a month since I first saw him play here. Especially since my life now seems so different.
A loud boom of thunder pulls me from my dark thoughts and I turn my face toward the sky. A thick gray layer is peeking from the treetops; a layer I haven't even noticed until now.
As if on cue, a small drop lands on my forehead and then slowly slips down the side of my face. Instead of wiping away the trail the drop left, I continue to look up into the moody sky. More drops land on my upturned face and it soon turns into a soft drizzle.
A few heartbeats later, I finally turn my face to the ground, so the rain can't get into my eyes. Yet I don't move from my spot on the stone bench. I don't even bother to search for the umbrella I know is inside my backpack.
I continue to sit there, allowing the rain to wash me away. I hate being this affected by someone else, but no matter how many times I tell myself it doesn't matter, my heart knows it isn't true.
"Violet!"
At the loud shout I snap my head down the promenade to find Nate hurrying toward me. His hair and shoulders are already drenched, just like mine. Like I, he doesn't use anything to protect himself from the rain.
"What are you doing?" He stops long enough to grab my arm and then pulls me underneath the nearest tree. "Why are you sitting in the rain? Do you want to catch your death?"
Before I can remind him that people don't die of colds, at least not here, he shrugs off his dress jacket. He pulls my backpack off my shoulders and then wraps the jacket around me.
The rain thickens, which allows more and more drops to slip past the leaves above us and land onto our heads and clothing. Nate glances around, looking for the nearest shelter, while I turn my eyes down to my backpack now resting in his hands.
"I have an umbrella in there."
Nate snaps his eyes down to my backpack and then immediately unzips it. Much faster than it normally takes me to find anything inside the backpack, he pulls out the light blue umbrella and opens it.
I expect him to insist on holding the umbrella over me, while he would claim that he doesn't mind getting wet. Instead, he slings my backpack over his shoulder and uses his free arm to wrap it around my lower back. With one swift pull he tugs me almost flush against his body; close enough to fit both of us under the small dry circle underneath the umbrella.
Drops of rain are still sliding down his forehead from his wet hair, just like I can feel them do to my own forehead. While I resist the urge to wipe the drops off his skin, he brushes the wet strays off my face and then wraps his arm back around my lower back.
"What were you thinking?" He is standing close enough so that his breath caresses my nose. "Why didn't you use the umbrella the moment it started to rain?"
"Why would you care? It's my choice."
I try to pull out of his hold, but his strong hand prevents me from moving even an inch away from him. His chestnut eyes seem darker, but it's probably because of the surrounding rain.
"What are you doing here? You're supposed to be celebrating your well done performance."
"How can I do that when the person responsible for my performance was nowhere to be seen? Why did you leave?"
"Then what should I have done?" I bit out. "Stayed there when I knew almost no one."
"You knew me. And Penny, Isaac and even your friend. Is this still about the same reason you've been avoiding me for the past two days?"
His eyes search mine, and when I can't take the intensity in his gaze any longer, I avert my gaze. I find my eyes moving lower until they land on his lips. A lone drop of rain slides from the top of his upper lip, onto the lower one, where his tongue intercepts it.
I snap my eyes back up to his, but the look in his eyes tells me he knows exactly what my eyes were focused on a second ago. He edges his face closer to mine, but despite my every instinct telling me to stay put, I turn my head to the side.
"Was it because of the kiss?" He moves his hand from my lower back onto my jaw, and forces me to look back at him. "Have you been avoiding me because of the kiss?"
"Don't be stupid." I narrow my eyes.
"Good."
Before I can respond, he diminishes the last breath of distance and kisses me. The small spark of resistance within me dies the moment his lips brush against mine. Instead, I find my hands clasping onto the side of his white shirt, just in case I need something else to keep me on my feet.
This time his movements aren't soft when he deepens the kiss. He slides his hand from my jaw to the side of my neck, where he brushes his fingers along my skin.
When the first drop of rain hits my forehead, I finally realize that the umbrella is now lying discarded on the ground beside us. The hand in which he held it before is now wrapped around my lower back and keeping me firmly pinned to his body.
It takes an incredible amount of strength, but I pry my lips off his and edge my head away from him. His eyes are shining, making it almost possible for me to imagine that he is reluctant to end the kiss. Even if that is true though, I know it's only a physical attraction for him. Not unlike my own feelings which have long ago bloomed into something bigger.
"Let's go back," Nate whispers. "I want to celebrate the performance with you by my side."
"In the state we're in?" I glance from his wet shoulders, to his drenched jacket wrapped around me. "I don't think so."
I ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach and instead move out of his hold. I take his jacket off my shoulders and give it back to him. He looks at my extended hands for a moment and then takes the jacket from me.
"My backpack."
He looks just as reluctant, but after a couple of heartbeats he hands me my backpack. I wrap my hands around one of the straps, however, instead of letting go, Nate continues to keep his hold.
"Why are you doing this? What is it that I've done?"
"It's not you." I tear the backpack out of his hold and swing it over my shoulder. "I'm the one with the problem."
After all, I'm the one who was stupid enough to fall for him. And the last thing I want right now, is for him to pity me for my unwanted crush.
Before he can say anything else, I take another step further from him and then sprint down the promenade. Despite the rain I force myself to ignore the drops obscuring my vision and continue to further the distance between us.
*
"Should I distract him again?" Warren asks the moment we stop on the safe side of the front glass door of our college.
"So, you're back on my side?"
We are both looking through the glass door at Nate, who is once again standing next to the row of bicycles. It has been three days since his performance, and the weekend proved to be one of the longest yet. Long enough for me to decide how to move forward from here on.
"Forget it. I've got this."
With a deep inhale I open the door and make my way straight over to Nate. My heart does a little flip when his lips stretch into a welcoming smile, but I force myself to ignore it. I stop a step away from him and open my mouth before he can.
"I've thought about it," I say, "and I've decided to remain until your big performance with the orchestra. Let's go."
Without waiting for his answer I walk past him and make my way in the direction of his college. This time he is the one trailing behind me, while I take the lead as we wordlessly make our way to the hall from Friday's performance.
Inside the said room the chairs are once again stacked at both edges of the room, while the rest is left as a wide empty space. I make my way over to one of the unstacked chairs and make myself comfortable. All the while I make sure to keep my eye contact with Nate to a minimum.
I expect him to immediately head onto the stage and start with his practice, but instead he makes his way over to me.
"I'm sorry," he says, causing my eyes to snap up to his. "Penny only told me today that she and your friend forced you to come to the annual performance. I'm happy you were there, but I'm also sorry you were forced to come."
"I thought you were the one who ordered them to do it?"
"No." He shakes his head. "I would never force you to do anything you don't want to."
"Because I've been doing all of this voluntarily from the start?" I snort and then immediately regret the hasty words when he lowers his eyes. "Look, let's just forget it. You're sorry I was forced and I'm sorry I almost ruined your performance. End of story."
"No." He shakes his head again and moves a step closer to me. "I need to know what happened. Why did you suddenly start avoiding me? What is it that I did?"
"It's nothing. Forget about it."
"It's not nothing. Something happened." He leans closer to me and braces his hands on either side of the chair.
His position forces me to lean further back against the chair's back, while I feel my breath hitch in my throat. He is so close I can almost feel his breath caressing my skin.
"Either you tell me," he leans even closer to me; his lips now almost on mine, "or I'll kiss you. Your choice."
***
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- E