“ what happened? Did you catch him? ” that was the first question Mild ask him when he came back but he's too tired. He didn't speak he just get his things that Mild hold for him.
“ thank you for keeping this ” he simply said he weakly walk away but Mild block his way
“ what happened ” Mild is looking seriously at him but he didn't care he didn't even look at her. His eyes is just staring at nowhere, he just wants to go home and maybe sleep the whole day.
“ Mild can I ask you a favor, please tell my manager that I want to take a leave for a week. As for the shoot can you please explain to them that I took break because of fatigue? I don't know just reason out for me ” he walk pass Mild but she block his way again
“ Off what's happening to you? ” he look at Mild. Mild saw a lot of emotion in his eyes but the emotion that really stand out is sadness. She slowly move back and let Off walk away she's worried what Off would do to his self, he's not in his right state she's afraid Off might do something dangerous.
‘ I really need to do something ’
---
Off arrived at his condo it's really dark inside, he rarely open his curtains and most of the time he's not in his condo that's why the curtains are always close. He is now staring at his ceiling it's already 2:00am in the morning and still he haven't sleep not even a single nap. He thought he can sleep the pain away but every time he close his eyes Gun's face with a girl is the only thing he sees. He can't take it anymore , he lazily stands and goes to his kitchen he rummage through the cupboard he knows it's wrong to take sleeping pills especially if it's not prescribed by the doctor but he's too desperate he just wants to forget the pain. He just wants to feel at piece although he knew that once he open his eyes the pain will come back. The only thing that can make him feel at piece, is Gun but he's not there for him so taking this pills can at least help him. He take a couple of pills or maybe more? He didn't know he just hopes that he still wakes up after this long sleep he'll take. He still wants to see Gun even though he can't have him.
---
“ hmm ” Off groans he can feel someone is holding his hands and God knows how much he hates when someone try to hold his hands he was trying to get rid of that fucker who dares to hold his hands, only Gun can hold him like this. He's hands are too weak to move he doesn't know what's wrong in his body but he can't move his body the way he wanted it. It took him about minutes before he can open his eyes. He's not in his room, where the hell is he? He carefully move his head and fuck that hurts him, he was like having a stiff neck because of how long his neck place that way.
He saw his mom on his right side that is sleeping ‘ why is my mother in here? ’, he didn't understand what the hell is happening does he sleepwalk and end up in their house?
He feels some movement on his left side and there he saw Gun sleeping, the boy is holding his hand using both of his hands. Just by observing at the way he looks he's been crying for hours
‘ why did you cry? Who made you cry? ’
Off wants to voice it out but he can't his throat is too dry he can't utter a single word. When he look back at Gun there's a tear that falls from his eyes that single tear follows another tear that it didn't stop. Gun is having a nightmare. He want to wake Gun up he knows Gun is having a hard time that's why he gets a nightmare he saw that once when his mom died, Gun did have nightmare. He needs to wake him up. He tries to grip Gun's hands but he's really too weak.
“ G-Gun ” that is almost a whisper but he feels that his Mom wake up instead
“ Off! ” her mom exclaimed when she saw that Off is awake. Off give all his strength to speak even though it really hurts his throat
“ M-mae... Gun.. Wake h-him up ” her mom instantly get what he want to say. Off's mother immediately saw that Gun is having a nightmare she tries to wake up the boy and Off can just stare at his mom. He hates this, he hates this feeling that he can't do the things he wants, like protecting Gun.
“ nong Gun? Dear wake up ” Off's mother wake him up and Gun did wake up but his eyes are filled with tears. Off's mother knew some things to the boy but not all.
“ m-mae I'm sorry, why? You need to go somewhere? ” Off just watch how Gun wipes his tears, he badly wants to do that himself but he can't he's too weak and it really pissed him off.
“ no dear, Off is already awake ” when her mother said that Gun look at him. His eyes starts to tear up tears are freely falling from his eyes. Gun hugged him tight he's not really comfortable on the way Gun hugged him but he didn't protest Gun is hurt and he didn't know why. He promise to his self that once he regain his strength he will kill the person who made Gun cry.
Off's mother called the doctor so Gun needs to move away from him. Seriously he's pissed he can't speak well, he can't move and he's fucking hungry.
“ Guess you're confused why you're here? ” Off just give him a bored look and his mother slightly hit him
“ ai'Off can you please respect the doctor ” the doctor just laugh at how he reacts he didn't expect a patient like this
“ it's okay, well you're here because of over dosage of sleeping pills you've been sleeping here for about 4days. Next time don't take too much sleeping pills especially if it's not prescribed by your doctor ”
Off can't believe what he just heard like the fuck? Did he seriously sleep that long? Guess he really take a lot of that pills
“ it's good that your friend here take you here in the hospital because if not you'll die because of overdose ” the doctor point at Gun when he look at Gun. He's still crying he's still not stopping
“ next time if you want to die let me die first! ” her mom scold him but he just roll his eyes and that earn him another hit from his mother
“ anyway his body will recover soon and maybe after 2 days he can be discharge ”
“ thank you P' ” her mother thank the doctor, the doctor just thank back then leave.
Once the doctor is already gone his mother hit him one last time before he gave him a glass of water. After a couple of minutes he can speak normally, pretty fast for a normal person huh? But Off is not normal that's why.
“ mae can you buy something that I can eat? ”
“ are you sure? You're still not allowed to eat some solid foods ”
“ but mae I want to eat something! ” Off insisted
“ oho! Can't you- ”
“ u-uhm I'll buy it for you mae ” the both of them look at Gun, they almost forgot that he was there. Off look at his mom like he was trying to tell something and yes his mom get it.
“ no need nong Gun I'll do it, the people outside might recognize you. Just stay here and look for Off even though he can literally can kick someone ” his mother joke then eventually leave the room.
The moment his mother leave, there's a thick air that surrounded the place, now what? He didn't know what to say, should he say hello? Or ask what did he do when he was asleep? This is really awkward he didn't know what to say also he didn't know if Gun is still mad at him
‘ of course he's still mad what the fuck are you thinking? ’
His mind really likes to contradict his thoughts. He was contemplating there what he would say first when he heard silent sobs from Gun he look at him and he's right Gun is crying again his shoulders are shaking because of how hard he keeps the sound to his self
“ Gun ” he didn't know what Gun had been through when he was asleep but he hopes it's nothing serious. Fuck! What the fuck is he thinking when he take those pills? He didn't have the chance to check Gun for 4 days.
“ please ” he's staring at Gun he can't help but to feel hurt who the hell make him cry?
“ p-please don't do that again ” that was very weak but Off can hear it. It broke his hurt to know that it was him AGAIN the cause of Gun's tears. Can't he do something nice just for once?
He tries to sit up but when he did he can feel his bones on his back cracking, not literary cracking you know because it stucked up for 4 days that's why. He didn't know that Gun hear that so he immediately come closer to him it's pretty normal for Off to have back pain but maybe Gun didn't heard it before.
“ p-papii ” Gun is crying and Off didn't know why Gun cry too much
“ Gun please don't cry ” he tries to make Gun stop by slowly patting his head but instead Gun hugged him, he even cried after that
“ Gun what happened? ” he's slowly patting his back trying to make him feel better
“ papii don't do that again please... You scared me. I thought I'll never got a chance to see you again ” Gun is whining at him. So it was really him.
“ I'm sorry Gun, I just want to sleep that day I didn't know that it will took me a long time to wake up ” Gun look at him and fuck those tears he's really pissed to see that tears. He carefully wipe those tears Gun is cute but he hates it when he sees those stupid liquid coming from his eyes.
“ you should just sleep why do you need to take that much sleeping pills? And where did you get that? ” he just smile not looking at him. Should he say it? There's nothing more he can loose
“ can't I just keep it to myself?.. ” he look at Gun that look stunned at what he said “... I want to be selfish for once so nong Gun can't you stop asking about that na? ” he smile at him. No. He can't. Maybe next time if he's ready but not today.
“ but papii- ”
“ shh~ I'm fine now okay so can you please leave that behind? ” Gun's brows furrowed Off knew Gun was just worried but he can't say what's the reason why he took that much pills. It's better to just keep it for now
“ I don't understand you ” Gun slowly moves away from his embrace he look more hurt than ever. He was about to say something but he can't voice it out he can clearly see the hurt in Gun's eyes.
“ Off I can't find- ” they we're interrupted when his mom arrive, Gun immediately leave the room as much as he wants to call Gun he can't maybe it's better this way.
“ what happened to nong Gun? Why is he crying? ” her mother ask as she place a bag full of fruits. Off grab that
“ mae I didn't say to bring foods- ”
“ dear what did you do ” his mom asked that made him stop asking about the fryits. He stare at the oranges inside the bag he sighed before he look at his mother
“ I made him cry again mae ” his voice is full of hurt and he didn't notice that he's already crying. Her mom immediately hug him and he just need his mom's hug badly. Off cries in his mother embrace his mom didn't know that much but she knows that both Gun and her son are hurting right now. She still remember how Gun is shaking when they arrived at the hospital he was shaking like crazy she was so worried to his son but when she saw Gun's state she knows that the boy is afraid to loose her son. She didn't know what kind of relationship his son and the boy have but the way she sees it they're both hurting.
“ dear can I ask you something? " his mother ask when he stops crying and already calm down he's now busy eating like he didn't cry a while ago. That's his son maybe he'll be hurt and eventually cry but he will not stock his self in that situation especially if there are people watching he doesn't want those people around him worry too much.
“ yes mae? ” he's busy eating orange and it's already his 4th piece
“ do you like nong Gun? ” Off stop on what he was doing he knew her mother will eventually notice it
“ yes mae, I like Gun ” it feels surreal that he was saying this to his mom. He knows his mom are not homophobic or something but he still didn't know how would she react if her son loves another man.
“ then why don't you tell him ”
He look at his mother he didn't expect his mom would say that “ he didn't like me mae. He likes someone else ” he sadly smile yes, he likes him but he doesn't like me back.
“ are you sure? ”
“ yes mae ”
“ but the way I looked at it, I think he likes you too ” Off just let out a awkward laugh
“ mae that's impossible I'm sure he doesn't like me ” he said then continue to peel the orange he was holding
“ Off your mae is sure on what she saw, if you didn't believe me? Maybe you didn't like him enough ”
“ mae I love him okay? ” he is annoyed on what his mother is saying he loves Gun so much so what the hell she is saying that he didn't like Gun
“ if you really love him then be honest, if you think he likes someone else then maybe what you thought will eventually come true. So if I we're you I'll be honest before it's too late ”
He didn't comment or say anything after what his mom said. He didn't know what to do or who he will believe is it his self? Or the other people that saying the opposite of what he believes? He didn't know anymore.
The next day Off got discharged from the hospital, Tay and Arm are there except for Gun
“ mae you can go home now ”
“ are you sure? I can stay at your condo today ”
They're in front of the hospital and Off wants his mom to go home. Her mom live far away from here so she really needs to go home now
“ yes mae, just tell pho that I'm fine ”
“ oho speaking of your father he really did tell me to hit your head if ever you wake up because of how careless you are! ”
“ just tell him that you hit me okay? Bye mae! ” he wave his hands as the cab that his mom take already drove off
“ so what's the news? ” he almost forgot that his friends are there waiting for some explanation to him
“ what news? ” he asked back as he go to Arm's car
“ about nong Gun ” Tay asked him as he sits at the back sit
“ still the same ” he said didn't really paying attention on his friends question. Arm and Tay just look at each other they didn't know what is happening between the two but they just hope they can sort their feelings out
“ by the way what happens to the shoot? Did they already knew? ”
“ I guess not, Mild just said that you're out for vacation that's why your crew didn't ask ” Arm is the one who answered because Tay is busy typing at his phone probably messaging his boyfriend
“ how about the agency? ”
“ they know and they're worried for you but P'Jennie said you have a foul attitude so she's sure you'll gonna wake up soon ” Arm told him as he laugh he can just shook his head really? P'jennie? Can't you be worried for him just for once?
“ what if they ask you on the set? ”
“ then I'll just said what happened it's better to tell them ” Arm just nod and continue to drive. Off glance at Tay that is still busy with his phone
“ ai'Tay if you're worried that much to New you shouldn't join Arm here and just take care of your boyfriend ” Off joked him but Tay didn't response which is unusual, he check Tay once again
“ Tay? Is everything alright? ” he's worried with his friend Arm took a glance at Tay
“ Peng what did you do to nong Gun? ” the moment Tay ask that Off just sit straight then look at the window
“ Off ” you can hear the authority in Tay's voice and that's a warning for him to tell something
“ I didn't do anything ”
“ then why is Gun acting strange? His sister message me his brother locked his self inside his room and he's been there since he came back from the hospital. What did you do this time? ”
“ I didn't do anything and that's the problem ” they are silent inside the car neither of them wants to talk. The car stopped that makes Tay and Off look at Arm
“ why did you stop? ” Tay asked but Arm didn't look at him he focused on Off
“ Off if you don't like Nong Gun that much can you stop giving hints to him? You make him feel special then the next day you'll broke him can you just stop? Tell him you didn't like him. Don't give hope to the boy if you're not man enough to take responsibility when he falls for you ”
‘ but it's Gun that doing that to me ’
A moment of silence before he speak “ Arm go to Gun's house, you're right I need to take the responsibility ” with that both Arm and Tay smile at their friend and Arm start to drive to Gun's house.
Off didn't know what will happen, he will just take the risk even though he's not sure on what Gun feels for him but he'll just try. Arm's right he needs to tell this to him regardless of his answer. At least he said it and he didn't have regrets that he didn't tell Gun what he really feels. It's better to fight and tell him what he feels than being a stupid coward that didn't do anything.
“ we're here ” Arm finally said. Off get out of the car
‘ this is it I guess? Off be ready to be rejected! ’
he's crazy that he's cheering his self for the negative effect that is popping in his head
“ we'll just wait here! ” Tay shouts from the car. Off just nod at him “ on the second thought maybe we'll leave for a sec to grab some food! ” he heard Tay said but he didn't respond it's just nonsense to argue to his friend. He starts to ring the doorbell and it was Pim who open the gate.
“ P'Off? ”
“ nong Pim is Gun inside? ”
Pim was a bit tense “ uhm P'Off he's inside but- ”
“ pim who's that? ” a baritone voice from their house made Off look who is that and when he saw who is it he just want to back out. It's his father.
“ Sawadee krap P' ” Off gave a wai at him, Gun's father just look at him with his serious face while Pim is still tense.
Inside Gun's house Off is sitted on the chair in front of Gun's father Pim was just there observing what will happen
“ pim ”
“ yes Pho ”
“ is Win sleeping in his room? ” Gun's father ask Pim but his eyes are fixed at him. He didn't know that Gun's father will be here fuck! He wants to back out!
“ yes pho he's sleeping with ama ( grandmother) ” Gun's father just nod at her then focus again to him
“ you're Jumpol ” that's more like a statement than a question
“ uh yes P' ”
“ Pim just told me that maybe you're one of the reason why Gun is acting weird these days, are you giving a hard time to my son during his work? ”
Off immediately shook his head “ no! no! P' I won't ever do that! ”
“ then why is Gun acting strange? And because of you? What's so special about you that you're affecting my son that much? ”
Off turned to look at Pim and the girl just give him an apologetic smile he turned to Gun's father that is still looking at him
“ uhm I'm sorry P' if I'm one of the reason why Gun is like that but I didn't know I have an effect on him. You see P' I like your son and I'm here to say sorry and take a risk to confess even though I know I wouldn't stand a chance ” Gun's father didn't move an inch or shocked on what he said like he was expecting that Off will say such thing but Pim on the other hand wants to squeal
“ and why do you say you wouldn't stand a chance at him? ”
Off lower his head and smile bitterly “ I don't know P', I just think that Gun didn't like me ”
It's true, although almost all of the people around him tell him that Gun likes him he can't still believe any of it. He's stil holding on what Gun said before
“ I think you should ask him that yourself than conclude things on your own ” Off can't believe what he just hear he look at Gun's father that is now busy drinking his coffee
“ his room is upstairs, Pim give him the spare key to Gun's room ” and Pim just nod at her father and quickly get something in a room then give a key to him
“ go P' I know you're the only one P'Gun needs right now ” Pim encourage him he just smile at pim and turned to Gun's father again “ thank you P' ” he give a wai and Gun's father just nod at him acknowledging his wai.
He is now in front of Gun's room Pim is with him “ Go P'Off, p'Gun really needs you this time ”
With that Off put the key in the key hole then open the room, Gun's room is dark only the night light beside Gun is the only source of light. He can hear Gun's sobs from where he is. He carefully close the door, the boy still didn't notice that he's here. He switch on the light that is beside him and there he saw Gun covered with his thick blanket. He carefully comes closer to him.
“ Pim can you please go out? ” he heard Gun said under the sheets. His voice is a bit raspy maybe because he haven't speak that much. He carefully sits on the side of his bed, Gun's mattress is on the floor because he's afraid to fall on the ground if he uses a bed. He slowly remove Gun's blanket
‘ he's sleeping ’
He's probably having a dream right now, he carefully lay on Gun's bed and hug him. He place his arms under Gun's head making use of it as a pillow and slowly hug the boy. He took his time to stare at Gun's face. He's still beautiful as before but there's a little changes his eyes are puffy there are black circles under his eyes and it's all because of him.
He didn't expect that Gun will open his eyes and just caught him staring at him while he sleeps. He's such a creep.
“ Hi ” that's all he can say. Gun was a stunned for a moment but after that he slowly sits on his bed and move away to him. It hurts to see Gun avoiding him but it was his fault after all.
“ what are you doing here ”
“ well I just got discharged from the hospital and you're not there so I came here to check on you ” he knows he's a jerk to act like nothing happened but this is the only way he thinks and tell Gun how he really feels
“ I didn't know, you should've- ”
“ I'm sorry ” He sits up and pull Gun closer to him thankfully Gun didn't back up.
“ I'm sorry to all the pain that I've caused you I know a simple sorry is not enough that's why I'm here to tell you something ” he smile at him and guess what Gun is crying again he furrowed his eyebrows and wipe those tears “ you know what I hate the most in this world? Is seeing you cry. The first time I saw you cry is when your mom died and since then I promise to myself that you'll never cry again ” he smile at Gun “ should I punch myself? I promise to not make you cry but most of the time I'm the reason why you're crying it's so fucking ironic right? ” he look at Gun's hands and he slowly hold it. Intertwining it with his.
“ Gun I know I'm not the right one for you, I know you already have someone else... ” Gun's brows furrowed when he said that but he didn't notice it because he's not looking at him “... But I still want to take a risk although I already knew what will be the outcome. Gun I like you heck! it's far more than like. Gun I love you ” he look at Gun when he said that and he saw tears are falling from Gun's eyes. He make him cry again.
“ it's fine I know you didn't feel the same way so please don't be guilty if- ” he didn't have a chance to finish what he was saying because Gun hugged him. He can feel the tears falling from Gun's eyes.
“ Gun? ”
“ you're stupid ” he heard him whisper
“ you're stupid.you're stupid.YOU'RE.FUCKING.STUPID ” he didn't know if he will laugh or what because Gun is right he is stupid.
“ I know no need to say it all over again ” he joke to make things lighter for them
“ I love you too do you know that? And you're so stupid to didn't notice it! ”
He didn't know if what he hear was right but his heart is beating so fast, he didn't hear that wrong right? Gun loves him too right? He's not hallucinating or something
“ w-wait say it again ” he slowly pull Gun from their hug “ y-you what? ” he wants to say a lot of things but he didn't know what word he would say.
“ I love you ” Gun repeated. Off didn't know how to react he was looking to Gun then to other things. He didn't expect this!
“ that's impossible- You have a girlfriend right? ” now it's Gun's turn to be confused
“ what do you mean? I don't have a girlfriend why would I get myself a girlfriend? ”
Off was making some weird gesture with his hands trying to explain what he saw before “ before w-when Mild and I broke up you come to my place right? And you told me you have a girlfriend and you also said that I need to keep quiet because you want it to keep it a secret ”
Gun hits his hand like he remembered something and that makes Off look at him “ that day? Papii! I was just kidding. Maybe that's why you look tense when you came back from the kitchen. Didn't you hear that? ” Off did hear something that day but he didn't pay too much attention to it because his mind is clouded with the thoughts of Gun having a girlfriend
“ but on your birthday I saw you talking with a girl! ”
“ girl? Pim? ”
“ no at the back area I saw you there you're talking with a girl I didn't saw before and I also saw how you smile and blush in front of him ”
“ papii! ” Gun looks irritated “ what? ”
“ that's Ploy! ”
“ Ploy? Who's Ploy? ” Gun hit his arms “ aow! What was that for!”
“ Ploy is my friend! You didn't know her because she rarely hangs out at night like you and she's working from the other agency. You also didn't know her because you didn't care I told you before that I'll introduce you to someone right? But what did you said? You don't care if that person is not working at GMM you don't want to waste your time talking to them ”
Off didn't really understand what Gun said but what is clear for him is that Gun is single and he likes him too
“ so the bottom line is... You like me too? ” Off witness how Gun's face turn red because of what he said
“ come on say it I want to hear it again ” Off has this goofy smile on his face. He didn't know and he doesn't care how he looks right now all he just want to hear is Gun saying the he loves him
“ Gun ” he said in a warning tone, he was just teasing him to make him say it again
“ I love you too ” Gun is really red right now but Off can't help but still admire this boy
“ so it's fine if I'll court you? ” Gun slowly nod his head Off's smile grew bigger his heart is beating like crazy and that because of Gun
“ can I have a hug? ” he slowly said and Gun just throw his self at him hugging him like he will get away if he didn't hug him like that. Gun is literally sitting on his lap right now and he's not complaining at all
“ I miss you ” he said as he give Gun the same hug he is giving him. Like their life depends on it
“ I miss you too ” he heard Gun whisper
This is the best day of his life he didn't expect that the man he secretly love for years feels the same and how stupid of him to not listen to Gun first. Seriously he's a fucking dumb! all these years he thought that Gun has a girlfriend when in fact it's just him who keeps on pushing it. Why didn't he ask? That's maybe the reason why almost all of the people around him push him to Gun cuz they can see it. It's only him who is blind and dumb that didn't notice it. If he just ask and tell Gun this before maybe their happy now but he's dumb so that didn't happen he mentally note to his self that he should listen carefully to what the people are saying so that he'll not repeat the stupidness he did years ago.
Gun pull away from their hug and look at him seriously and by the looks of it he knows he's dead
“ papii... I want ask you SOME things ”
“ sure ” he awkwardly smile at him
If looks could kill he'd be dead by now and he knows no one can save him from this Gun Atthaphan, and he doesn't want to be save tho.