Alex's eyes trailed Dr Peter's every step until the man was towering over him. Surprised was mild to describe how Alex was feeling.
"Nice to see you again, Alex." The man had a very baritone voice, deeper than most. Throw in his six feet tall height and bulky build and he could hold a very commanding presence, which was sometimes intimidating. It could be seen an added advantage for him considering his line of work. He made people listen.
Alex wasn't sure he shared the man's sentiments. He was a reminder of a past Alex would rather keep locked away and hopefully, never to resurface.
The man wasn't fazed by Alex's silence. He continued, as if Alex had replied him. "It wasn't really nice how you ran off on me like that."
Alex raised both brows questioningly, sitting up carefully. He didn't think 'running off' was the right clause to describe what had happened. The last time he'd seen Dr Peter was about twelve years ago, around the time he had gotten married.
"I didn't run off on you," Alex muttered. The man had always had a way of making him feel like a petulant child, even though he was only a few years older than Alex.
It was Dr Peter's turn to do the questioning eyebrow raise. "Okay, whatever you say." He pulled a chair closer and sat. "How have you been?"
Alex shrugged, gesturing with his hands at himself. "You can see for yourself."
Dr Peter nodded. "I was around and then Dr Andrew mentioned that you just had surgery. I decided to come check how you're doing."
"That's very thoughtful," Alex mumbled. He felt uncomfortable, but he didn't want to make his discomfort obvious.
"How long has it been? Ten years?"
Twelve. But Alex had a feeling he knew exactly how long.
He was saved from answering by a soft knock on the door, accompanied by the door opening. Before he had time to process it, someone was rushing towards him with outstretched hands.
"Daddy!"
Angel halted before she could hit Alex with the full force of her sprint but didn't resist pulling him into a choking hug even though Alex was too surprised and confused to hug her back.
"I missed you so much!" Angel declared, a huge grin lighting up her face.
Alex muttered an incomprehensible response while his brain was processing the fact that his daughter was here, even though he'd made it clear he didn't want her to find out he was in the hospital.
He felt the familiar rise of anger and he turned to glare at Raymond who swiftly averted his gaze, looking anywhere else but at him.
"What happened to 'she's not supposed to know about this?'" His question was directed at Raymond who sighed.
"You can't just let anything go, can you?" Raymond asked at the same time Angel spoke.
"Nobody told me anything dad, I heard you and uncle talking about it before you left."
"So you were eavesdropping?" Alex squinted his eyes at Angel who was looking mighty pleased with herself. She flashed him another huge grin and he felt his anger dissipating. She always had that effect on him. There was no point being angry anyway, she was already there. "And whose idea was it to bring you here? I have a feeling it's not Raymond."
His eyes shifted as he spoke and they landed on Sophie who was subtly hiding behind Raymond. She was staring guiltily back at him and he felt the familiar flutter in his chest.
"It was also mine," Angel answered but Alex barely noticed. His eyes unconsciously roamed over Sophie who fidgeted, uncomfortable with the attention.
It was then that Raymond seemed to notice the other presence in the room. "Dr Peter?" He called uncertainly, surprise and a hint of pleasure evident in his tone.
The man, who had been watching the whole exchange with keen interest stood up and held a hand out to Raymond who encompassed it in a firm handshake.
"It's good to see you again, Raymond. I wasn't sure I'd be running into you here."
"Yes, well..." Raymond's eyes traveled between Alex and Peter, confusion present in them. "I didn't know you and Alex were still in touch?"
"Oh no, we weren't." Peter replied, offering the same explanation he'd given Alex. "I was in the hospital and I heard Alex was here."
Raymond nodded slowly. "That makes sense." He spared a long look at Alex again before saying to Peter. "It's been a while and I'm sure you two must have a lot to talk about. We'll be outside."
"No, that's fine. We--"
Raymond didn't let him finish. "I insist. There's a lot you have to talk about."
"There's nothing to talk about, actually." Alex was sure Raymond could feel the murderous glare he was directing at him but his brother ignored him.
So did Peter. He gave Alex a thoughtful look before nodding. "On a second thought, I think that's a great idea."
"Good," Raymond replied at the same time Alex groaned. He motioned for Angel to come to him which she did although a bit reluctantly. He then turned to Sophie who looked lost from whatever was happening.
Giving her the simplest explanation he could, he said, "Dr Peter used to be Alex's therapist."
Sophie's mouth formed an 'o' shape but no words formed. Her eyes drifted to Alex who was now pointedly avoiding meeting her gaze. Of course. She felt a need to say something to the man so she opted for, "Nice to meet you, doctor."
"And you too, Miss..." Dr Peter trailed off, waiting for her to complete the sentence.
"Sophie," she supplied. Sensing his curiosity, she added, "I used to be Alex's nurse."
"Oh, okay. Again, it's nice to meet you." He flashed her a friendly smile, which she returned.
"We'll leave you both now," Raymond announced as he ushered Sophie and Angel out of the room, then followed suit.
A few minutes after they'd left, neither of them said anything and Dr Peter had assumed the seat he'd previously occupied.
"So, is there anything you want to talk about?" He asked when it became glaring that Alex wasn't ready to break the silence.
"No," Alex responded curtly. He was a second away from telling him to go and 'talk' with Raymond.
The man gave him a disbelieving eyebrow raise again then nodded. He seemed to be weighing something with the way his face took on different expressions. Alex knew he got that way when he was contemplating something. Finally, he said, "I heard about your wife."
Alex felt a muscle throb in his head and his fists clenched and unclenched repeatedly. He did not want to go there. Begrudgingly, he asked, "What did you hear? And how?"
"Believe it or not, I've kept tabs on you all these years. Do you want to talk about it?" Dr Peter persisted.
No, he didn't want to talk about it. "You're no longer my therapist." Alex was surprised with how calm his voice sounded, even though it felt like he was about to go up in flames from how fast his temperature seemed to be rising.
"Maybe, but maybe not. We never officially ended the therapy sessions. You never really found peace."
Alex knew he was being bated and it was on the tip of his tongue to tell Dr Peter to drop it, but a part of him wanted to listen to what he had to say. That side won; it'd always been like that with them. "What do you mean I never found peace?"
Pleased he got Alex's attention, Dr Peter delved into an explanation, "You were doing so well, you were healing, but you never really got there. You met your wife and stopped coming for therapy."
Alex didn't know what he was driving at but he felt the urge to defend himself, and Becca. "I was happy with her."
"And happiness is good. You met a good woman who helped you temporarily forget your pain. You covered it up, but it wasn't really gone." He sighed when he saw the conflicting emotions displaying on Alex's face. "Do you want to know my theory?"
Alex shook his head, but it was a silent urge for him to continue.
Dr Peter understood. "In a way, you saw your wife as a replacement for your mum and that made losing her harder than it should have been for you. It was like losing your mum a second time. The pain and guilt you thought you had buried came right back to hit you on the face, twice as hard. It was in a way, you reliving what had happened with your mum."
Dr Peter's words felt like a stab right through him. Brutal and painful, yet deep down, he knew it was true.
"But none of it was your fault, Alex."
Alex shook his head, he didn't think so. "Somehow, they both died because of me and I can't help this premonition that someone else will die because of me."
"I'd explain to you how that is bullshit but I'm sure a lot of people have told you the same things a lot of times so I'm going to ask you instead... Where does blaming yourself for the bad happenings in your life get you? Living a life of guilt over what you had absolutely no control over?" He paused, making sure Alex was listening. Really listening. "Nowhere, Alex. It just leaves you miserable and unhappy, and that's not even the worst of it."
Every word sounded like a punch through his gut. It was his whole life in a few words.
"What about the pain you cause to those that love you? You have amazing people around you, Alex. A brother that'll do almost anything for you, a daughter that adores you, and that woman that I saw just now... There's something there, isn't there?"
Alex hesitated, but it felt like the man could see right through him. He conceded, "There's something."
Dr Peter nodded. "Do you love her?"
Yes. "No." He didn't sound convincing, not even to himself and it was clear Dr Peter didn't believe him either.
"You have so much good going for you but you choose to focus only on the bad and live based on that alone, but trust me, no one will ever find true happiness that way and everybody deserves a chance at happiness."
"Not everyone who desires it gets it."
"But you already have it," Dr Peter pointed out. "All that is left is for you to embrace it. You did it once, you can do it again. But the right way this time. I know it's easier to hold on to what's familiar and for you, it's the pain. You don't want to get hurt again so you don't bother taking the risk. But what if you're not going to get hurt? You'd never experience true joy because you're too afraid to fight for your happiness."
That hit him and Alex could feel his carefully built resolve chipping.
"The bad is always going to be there and that's the more reason we should hold on to the good in our lives, especially the people. They'll be there to help you get through the bad times. Do you not have people like that in your life?"
He did, and he had been taking them for granted. Even his daughter. He had been afraid to get too close to her so he wouldn't lose her as well.
Dr Peter took his silence as affirmation. "You might have hurt them, Alex but you have the chance to make it right with them. You've tortured yourself long enough and it's time to forgive yourself. Let go of this guilt you're carrying because you can't love properly if you don't love yourself first."
"I'm not sure I even know how to do that," Alex admitted. Where was he supposed to start? It was new territory for him.
"I'm here to help you, but that's only if you're ready to let yourself heal. So, are you ready?"
Alex wasn't sure it was possible to just let go of the self loathe after years of living his life that way. But the resolve to try was building and he couldn't ignore it. He owed it to the people that had chosen to stand by him.
"I'm not promising it's going to be an easy ride, but I can tell that your heart is ready and it's only going to be a matter of time."
The level of certainty the man exhibited stunned Alex. Did he really have that much faith in him? To the doctor, he said, "You just never let go of the opportunity to play shrink, do you?"
Dr Peter let out a rumbling laugh, his deep voice making his laughter very thick. "Well, you got me there. But... I'm willing to do this one for free."
"Really?" Alex was skeptical, alright.
"Yeah, for the first few days," Dr Peter added teasingly.
"I thought so too," Alex replied, although he felt a smile rising up his face. "Thank you, for coming to check up on me."
It wasn't often Alex showed his appreciation so Dr Peter took it for what it was worth. "You'll be fine, Alex."
For some reason, his mind drifted to Sophie and the thought reaffirmed itself in him. I'll be fine.
**********
So...
A little intense, yeah?
This was honestly kinda hard for me to write.
What are your thoughts?
Shout out to Iyanuoluwa-Temi for the lovely covers she made for me. Thanks a lot, darl.
And to all you wonderful readers, thanks a lot for getting us up to 3k reads.💖💖