October 13th; 2012
Three Weeks Later
Taylor Swift's Point of View
Dear diary,
I feel like I'm being eaten alive. I know I'm in the wrong sometimes but it hurts to admit it. I was a bitch but I was angry. Part of me feels obligated to spend time with her before she died but she made me miserable. Maybe I don't need to forgive her, maybe I'll try indifference. I'll just stop caring about what she did to me, she's going to be dead in a few months anyway. If I don't forgive her and let her die, I feel like I'll be doing the same thing she did to me. Left me to die...left to suffer. I think I would be a hypocrite if I didn't do anything.
-Taylor <3
Right when I set my journal down, Olivia runs into my room and jumps on the bed to wake me up.
"Mommy, it's time to get up." Liv exclaims and flops on my stomach.
"Be careful sweetie, my stomach has the baby in it."
"Sorry, Mommy."
"It's okay. Let's go get ready for the day." I push myself off the bed and stand up. It gets harder and harder every day to get out of bed. It doesn't help that this is my second pregnancy and it makes my bump way bigger.
"Mommy, what are we doing today?" Olivia asks.
"We're going to go visit someone."
"Okay Mommy. I'll go get ready now." Olivia runs off into her bedroom and I assume she's getting dressed. I change into clothes for the day and finish some personal hygiene stuff along with putting on makeup. I walk out of my bedroom where I see Olivia running around the living room like a maniac.
"Let's have breakfast before we leave. Wanna do waffles?" I ask.
"Yay! Waffles!" I see her pour a ridiculous amount of syrup on her waffle once I finish baking them.
"I think that's enough. That's more syrup than waffle." I lightly take the bottle from her and close it. I finish my pancake eventually and so does she but she was syrup all over her face which makes me giggle. I take a napkin with some water with it and wipe the syrup off of her.
"Thank you, Mommy."
"Are you ready to go?" I ask her.
"Yep! I'm ready." We both walk outside and get into the cab which I already called in.
"Where are the two of you going?" The driver asks.
"11th and Madison, 78 Grandview Blvd. The neighbor is Nashville Hills."
"Sounds great." The driver starts the car and begins to drive to the address.
"Mommy, are we there yet?" Why do children have to constantly ask if we're there yet.
"Yep." I've figured out that you have to say 'yes' or they'll whine and keep asking. About 20 minutes later we end up at the address and I give the driver an over the top tip. Liv and I get out of the car and to the front door of Andrea's house.
"Mommy, whose house is this?" She asks.
"Your grandparents..." I sigh as I speak the truth to her. I knock on the door and wait for it to be opened.
"I thought you said I didn't have grandma or grandpa."
"I-You do, everyone does." The door is opened and I see Scott on the other side of it.
"Taylor?" He questions.
"Where's Andrea?"
"The kitchen. She's making lunch."
"Isn't it 10 in the morning?"
"She's baking something and everything takes her twice as long now." He explains.
"Can we come inside?" I hold Olivia's hand as she shakes lightly.
"Yeah, of course." The door opens for us to come in and I walk towards into the living room where Olivia follows me.
"Andrea, we have company!" Scott yells.
"Who is it?"
"Just come into the living room."
"Be right there." I hear Andrea washing her hands then coming over to the living room.
"Hey..." I quake.
"Taylor...oh my god. I didn't expect to see your face ever again."
"I brought some company." I look down at Liv who is curled up on the couch next to me.
"Is that her?"
"She's shy...her name is Olivia.
"She's so beautiful." Andrea grins as she looks at Liv.
"Olivia, this is your grandma. She's my...she's my mother." She isn't my other but-this is hard.
"Why haven't we seen her before?" Olivia asks.
"I didn't know where she was. But we found her." That's kinda the truth?
"Like Blue Clues?"
"Sure..."
"How old is she?" Andrea asks...sounds like a stupid question to me.
Olivia holds up 5 fingers. "I'm 5!" She shouts.
"You're very smart, Olivia."
"I know." Liv smiles with confidence.
"She's funny." I say.
"Do you have any toys?" Olivia asks Andrea. She's not really supposed to ask strangers for that stuff but it's my mom I guess.
"I do! I have some in the attic. How about you go with you Grandpa to get them?"
"Okay!" She jumps off the couch and follows Scott then Andrea sits next to me.
"She's a cutie." Andrea says.
"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have said what I said. I was mad and I had more anger than I thought that I did."
"I get it, I was a bitch too. You had a right to be angry, I screwed up."
"I don't think I can forgive you quite yet but I can be indifferent until then."
"That sounds perfect. I want to know my granddaughter and grandson in a couple months before I go. Can I see them sometimes?"
I sigh and look down. "Yeah. Once a week, every Sunday, come to my house. I don't want to deny you your grandchildren. If I was dying in a few months, I would want to spend it with my children. Just don't abandon them."
"I will never make that mistake again."
Olivia comes running in with a Cabbage Patch Kid and holds it up to my face. "Mommy, look what we found!"
"A Cabbage Patch Kid?"
"Grandpa says it was yours."
"It was." I haven't seen one of those in years. Last one I saw was probably that one...I was probably 8 when I stopped playing with it so it's definitely been a few years.
"Can I have it?"
"Sure, I'm not going to be playing with it anytime soon."
"What did you name it?"
"Uh, I think it's name was June."
"June and Mae can play together!" I think for a moment then remember Mae is the name of her Barbie.
"Yup. Liv, how do you feel about seeing your grandma and grandpa again?"
"That sounds fun. Grandpa gave me cookies and a toy. I really like cookies."
I chuckle and look at her play with the single doll. I should probably wash that when we get home. "Liv, we should get going."
"But I wanna stay." Olivia pleads.
"It's okay. We'll see them again in a few days, you know Joe is probably home."
"YAY JOE!" She cheers.
"Who's Joe?" Andrea asks.
"A friend...kinda. Mostly a friend, I think he's my friend. I'm so confused right now."
"That clears it up." She ridicules.
"Well, we were like friends with benefits and now we're something with no benefits. It's confusing as hell."
"Mommy, what's friends with benefits?" Olivia asks.
"I-I-uh-I." WHAT THE FUCK DO I SAY!?
"It's like-it's a friend that you-I don't know what it is." I can't explain this without a really awkward conversation happening.
"Then why did you say it?"
"I don't know. How about we go home now?"
"Okay!" She skips to the door and waits for me to get over to her. It takes me even more time to catch up with her now. I don't know how I'm going to tell her any of our chaotic situations happening right now but one day maybe it'll get easier.
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Author's Note:
I ate a vegan breakfast sandwich for dinner and it was really good. Being vegan isn't as hard as I thought it would be. It's been like 5 days and it's been hard. I'm always doing so many time skips because I'm lazy 😂
Update: I was doing super good on my vegan diet and not eating anything animal wise but then my mom left and I ate a lot of steak and ice cream 😂 I'm finally getting back on my regular diet today.
Word count: 1357