"Boys, dinner is ready!" I holler from the kitchen. Of course, Jungkook is the first to be at my side. His eyes are wide with anticipation as I put a hefty serving of jjajangmyeon in his bowl. After the food has been dished out and I'm putting some kimchi on the dining table, I notice that Yoongi and Hoseok haven't entered the room yet.
I peer into the living room where the two are conversing in a hushed tone.
"Hey, are you guys gonna eat?" I ask the men. They jump when I speak, not thinking I would be right behind them.
"Yes, we'll be there in a minute," replies Hoseok.
I join the others and begin eating. When they finally come in, everyone is enjoying the food and chatting jovially. Well, everyone except Hoseok and Yoongi.
Now I'm aware Yoongi is a quiet person in general, but tonight, he's oddly silent. I have a gut feeling that they're up to something. However, I won't pry. I'm merely going to stare daggers into their souls until they decide to tell me what's up with them.
"Do you not like the food?" Jimin entreats, bringing me out of my daze. "You've barely touched it."
"Oh, I do. I just don't have much of an appetite at the moment."
"Are you sick?"
"No, I'm okay," I reassure. "What do you think about the food, Yoongi? Good?"
"It's amazing. You did a great job."
I tilt my head to the side. "That's funny considering you haven't even taken a bite."
He looks like a deer in the headlights, not expecting to be called out like that. "I-I just know it's tasty since you're the one who made it."
"Liar," I mumble under my breath. "Do you like it, Hobi?"
Hoseok picks up a huge amount of the noodles on his chopsticks before shoving it into his mouth. "Masisseo."
Trying to stay out of trouble, I see.
***
I'm leaning against the headboard of Yoongi's bed, angrily flipping through a book. I've been waiting for him to get out of the shower so that I can get in, although he's taking longer than usual.
I couldn't focus on the movie after dinner. My mind was running wild with ideas. I'm conscious of the overthinking that's most likely occurring; I'm a rabid overthinker. But even telling myself that doesn't stop the worrying ache in my heart.
"What're you reading?" Yoongi inquires thirty minutes later, strolling out of the bathroom and drying his hair with a towel.
"It's a book about a girlfriend who is suspicious of her boyfriend."
A muddled expression appears on his face. "Weird, but okay."
In reality, it's Call Me by Your Name. As far as I know, he's never read it. Only Taehyung has seen the film, so I don't need to worry about him catching on to my fabrication.
I place the book on the bedside table and rise to my feet to go shower. I let the water heat up before sitting down on the built-in marble bench to continue stewing in my own debilitating thoughts.
"Alright, what's going on?" questions Yoongi, swinging the shower door open and nearly sending me into cardiac arrest. The steam is thick, so it was easy for him to sneak in.
"Christ, Yoongi," I yelp, clasping my chest. "Can I get some privacy?"
"Nope. Scoot over," he demands, tapping my hip.
I do as he says with an eye roll, making room on the bench for him. "Your towel is going to get soaked."
"Your book is about two guys falling in love in Italy," he apprises, ignoring my previous comment. "I read the synopsis."
A curt nod is all I can muster.
"What's going on?" Yoongi repeats.
"Why don't you tell me? You've been acting strange ever since you got back from LA. Hobi too, but you're on a whole different level."
He looks away, turning to draw shapes in the condensation on the shower door.
"Yoongi, did you do something?"
"Yes."
"Is it something bad?"
"Yes."
Fuck, I don't even want to voice this next question.
"Did you...cheat?" The word causes bile to bubble up to my throat. My father cheated on my mother when I was a child. I do not tolerate cheating in the slightest. My parent's divorce fucked me up and I've vowed as an adult to never be a cheater nor stay with a cheater.
He exhales. "Y-Yes."
I feel the urge to vomit or hit him. My body doesn't know which one. I can't have an assault charge on my record. Especially assault on a celebrity. In lieu of violence, I breathe deeply through my nose. It prevents the brutality and the puking...for now. "Who is she? Did you meet her in LA?"
He shakes his head. "He."
My brows furrow in confusion. "Huh?"
He stops drawing to turn and meet my eyes. "No, I didn't meet him in LA. We've known each other for a very long time."
"Tell me who he is. Please," I beg, sounding desperate.
I am desperate.
"You already know him. You know him well, in fact."
"It's Hoseok, isn't it?" I blurt.
His lips stretch into a line.
"What all happened?"
Yoongi sighs. "It happened the night before the 'Black Swan' shoot. Jin hyung and Namjoon stayed late with Ye Jun to practice. Hobi and I were drinking some whisky while listening to music in our room. We weren't drunk or anything, but the song that was playing reminded us of the past. I got caught up in the heat of the moment and I-I...I kissed him."
I recline against the tile wall, allowing his words to sink in. I realize I'm bombarding him with questions, but I must have an answer. "Do you love him?"
"Yes," he admits. "I've loved him for many years. We actually dated when we were trainees. Bang PD-nim didn't like it, so he said we needed to break up before debut. I was torn up about it for a long time. The only thing that made the pain go away was becoming successful. I eventually got too busy to be reminded of our past. The song that played that night was our couple song. It's such a teenager thing, I know. But the memories came flooding back. It made me realize that I never got over him like I thought I did. I was just suppressing my feelings for all these years."
I try to respond, though I can't. My mouth won't move. Instead of a coherent sentence, a flood of tears falls from my eyes like a dam has broken. Yoongi then wraps his arms around me, allowing me to cry against his bare chest. He strokes my hair in an attempt to soothe and pacify my wails.
"I should've stopped myself," he admits, his tone becoming shaky. "I can't see you like this, Audaire."
He's crying too.
Don't forget your mantra, my inner monologue says to me.
I disregard it before lifting my head and bringing my trembling hands to his face. I rub the pad of my thumb across his cheek. I can't understand why I'm comforting him. He cheated. With Hoseok, his bandmate, of all people.
It's as though a spirit has taken over my being, putting themselves in control of the situation.
I lean in to collide our lips in a heated, fervent kiss.
God, I need him right now.
By the way he's gripping my waist, he needs me too.
"I'm so sorry," Yoongi apologizes against my mouth.
"Shhh," I quiet him. "Let's not talk anymore."
I swing my leg over, straddling his lap, never breaking the kiss. I then let my fingers tangle in his damp locks. I slip my tongue past his lips, wanting to taste every inch of him. His hand snakes up my back and neck until it reaches the crown of my head. He grabs a fistful of my hair, pulling it to expose my throat where he leaves open-mouthed kisses.
Yoongi takes some of the skin between his teeth. The subtle pain causes me to release a breathy moan and my nails dig into his shoulders. After a few moments of us exploring each other's bodies, I grasp his member and guide it to my heat before sinking down on it. Or at least trying to.
"Go slow," he tells me. "Don't hurt yourself."
I nod and sink a little further, wincing every once in a while, not used to the full feeling. I have never had sex with a man, so this is a completely foreign experience. I mean, I've tried to have sex with guys before, but it didn't seem right. I wasn't comfortable with them; I couldn't trust them enough to open myself up and be completely vulnerable like I am in this instance.
Eventually, all of him is in me. I then ride him at a slow, steady pace. It takes a bit to get comfortable, but once I do, the need to purge the ache overcomes me and I pick up the speed. Yoongi hits my spot with accuracy, the bliss I so desire is creeping up quickly.
Yoongi curses lowly prior to coming inside of me. I roll my hips through the course of his orgasm and reach mine only seconds later. Pure ecstasy rushes within my veins. Even after I have calmed down, I don't get off of him. I don't want to move. I like having him here with me-in me. We're connected in the most intimate of ways; we've become one.
"I'm so sorry," he whispers in my ear.
"No," I demur, still a tad breathless.
"But I cheated. I'll never be able to forgive myself for that."
"Yoongi-"
"I can't lose you."
"You're not going to."
"Really?"
I nod. "I didn't know you felt that way about Hoseok."
"I should've said something about our past."
"I just don't want you to hide your love for him from me. You can tell me anything, Yoongi."
"I know I can. I was being dumb, I guess."
My mind reminds me of my mantra again. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut to rid it from my brain. I'm throwing my morals out the window. "You deserve to love whoever you want. Don't let me stop you."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean how is fair that I can date the seven of you, but you can't do the same? If you want to be with Hobi, then you should."
"I should?"
It's like he can't believe my words. How can I blame him? It's crazy for someone to say what I have. "Mhm."
He smiles. "I'm lucky to have you, Audaire."
"I'm lucky to have you guys too." I return the smile. "Let's talk with the others tomorrow, yeah?"
"About me cheating?" Yoongi asks nervously.
"Not essentially. More about opening the relationship."
"Okay," he agrees before I remove myself from him. "Shit!"
I jump, startled by his exclamation. "What's wrong?"
"We didn't use a condom."
"I'm on birth control," I inform him. My dermatologist put me on it in high school when my acne was really bad. It was the only thing that cured it.
He sighs a breath of relief. "Oh, thank god."
I giggle at his reaction. "Will you wash my hair for me? I like the way you do it."
He grabs the detachable showerhead. "Anything for you."
[AN] I'm sorry the smut scene is short. I'm just not very good at writing it. If you liked this part, please give it an upvote! It means a lot!
[AN #2] Edited 5/7/21