Five weeks.
It had been five whole weeks since the shooting.
Everything was different. I couldn't explain it, but everyone acted...off. The demeanor at the hospital had changed. I didn't like it, but it was just one of those things I guess I would have to get used to.
For the past two weeks, Derek had been doing physical therapy along with Alex. Today, Derek could do consults and light work around the hospital. No operating yet for him, just like me. Alex on the other hand had been cleared today, a week after he returned to work.
I was so pissed, Perkins was a complete idiot. I had tried the fake tears and crying, I had tried multiple times going to the chief to clear me over Perkins' head, but nothing seemed to work.
Cristina's wedding was in a week. It was at my house, all our friends from the hospital were invited. I had worked out caterers and decorations. Nothing fancy, but it wasn't like I didn't have a ton of free time since I couldn't do surgery.
Physically I was ready to have sex. I had gone to the OB who did my D&C for a follow up earlier today, and she said everything looked good. Derek was at the hospital now, and we both had a lot of free time.
It's really sad how often I think about having sex with my husband in an on-call room at work. Not like I have anything better to do. Before today I didn't have the option because Derek only came in for physical therapy and left. Now he was here, working. I don't know what exactly he thought about having sex again, but it had been over a month.
Now I had to go see Perkins yet again. Hopefully today will be the day he finally clears me. I'm not getting my hopes up though, I think that guy hates me.
Derek's POV
I sat on a bed in an empty on call room, raking my fingers through my wet hair. I had finished physical therapy about twenty minutes ago and taken a shower afterwards. Meredith was right, the hospital was different now. We didn't have a steady flow of patients coming in like we did before and there was a different aurora hanging over Seattle Grace.
Five weeks. Just over one month. I was starting work again. I really needed to call my mother and tell her what had happened. Carolyn Shepherd would spread the news to the whole family, and they would end up all wanting to come down and visit. Meredith would hate that, she wasn't comfortable with my family yet.
Speaking of Meredith, something was different about her as well. My wife was constantly on my mind, and as I laid back on the bed to gaze at the ceiling, I went through everything I had seen with her since the shooting.
She was always in my hospital room next to me, awake, as if waiting for me to get up. Then there had been that one time the threw up and collapsed a day or two after the shooting. She told me it was just dehydration and sleep deprivation, but I didn't entirely believe her.
Almost every night she woke up screaming in a panic after a nightmare. It killed me to watch her have PTSD attacks, and I did my best to be there for her, but there was something she wasn't telling me. Something was off. She carried herself differently, something in her eyes had changed, even when she laughed.
She was vigilant in watching over and taking care of me, not that I needed it, but I was grateful. I had walked in on her sobbing in the bathroom when she thought she was alone, and every time I brought it up she left or changed the subject.
My thoughts were interrupted by my phone going off on the table next to me.
Reminder: Call Mom
I sighed and picked up the phone, dialing my mothers number and holding it to my ear. She picked up on the second ring.
"Derek! Hello! It's been too long since we've talked,"
"Hey, Mom. I'm sorry, I've been really busy this past month, something...uh..." I struggled to find the words to tell her what had happened. "There was an incident at the hospital about four weeks ago,"
"Oh dear, what happened?"
I took a deep breath, this was what I had been dreading, "There was a shooting. The husband of a patient came into the hospital with a gun..."
I heard her gasp on the other line, followed by silence. Two guys shot my father and her husband for is watch when I was a kid. This shooting brought back memories for me, no doubt memories for her too.
"Twelve people were killed, eighteen injured,"
"Oh lord," she whispered.
"Mom, I...I was shot..."
Silence. She was shocked. I could see her face, imagine the fear in her eyes.
"I'm okay. I made it, I've been recovering the past month thanks to Meredith, and I'm okay. I'm doing physical therapy and starting work again. I'm okay,"
"Derek, why didn't you call me sooner?"
"How was I supposed to call you up and tell you I've been shot while I was laying in a hospital bed?"
"Where were you shot?"
"In the chest. Meredith's best friend was forced to operate on me while the gunman was still in the hospital. They saved my life,"
"You're okay?"
"I'm okay." I decided against telling her what had happened while I was on the table, or at least what Meredith had told me. Maybe that's what she wasn't telling me. Something else might have happened in that O.R.
"I'm going to call your sisters, assuming you haven't told them yet?"
"I haven't,"
"And then I'm going to book a flight to Seattle,"
"No, mom. Meredith doesn't need to be bombarded with the sisters right now. It's been really hard on her."
"They're going to want to see you're alive for themselves,"
"They can't come, it's too soon. Maybe once things are more back to normal."
"Fine. I'll tell your sisters not to come. But I am,"
"Mom-"
"No. I'm your mother. My decision is final, you're not changing my mind. I'll text you the flight details,"
I sighed, there was no stopping Carolyn when she had put her mind to something.
"I'll see you soon. I love you, stay safe,"
"I love you too,"
With that, my mother hung up. Groaning, I laid back down on the bed, pondering what could be wrong with Meredith. She took up most of my thoughts now. Damn it, I had to go find Meredith and tell her my mother was coming.
I rose from the bed in the on-call room, slipping my phone back into my pocket and smoothing out my hair and face before opening the door and stepping out into the hallway. I travelled to the nurses station, about to ask someone to page Meredith when I spotted Cristina.
"Hey Cristina," I called as I approached her.
She glanced up from the chart she was reading, "What is it?"
"Have you seen Meredith?"
"Uh, she was in therapy with that trauma councilor last time I saw her. East Wing conference room,"
"Great, thank you," I nodded and headed to the elevator, intending on going straight to the conference room to catch my wife.
When I got up there, I glanced in the window, the room was empty except for Perkins sitting at the table writing in charts. I turned and made my way down the empty hallway. This part of the hospital was always quiet and deserted, mainly storage and empty offices besides the conference rooms.
I turned a corner and saw Meredith sitting on the floor in a shadow, as if she was hiding.
"Mer?" I called, letting her know it was me approaching. She had been jumpy lately, scared of lots of small things that she hadn't been afraid of or nervous around before.
She turned her face towards me, and I frowned. Her hair was pulled back into her usual ponytail, but her eyes were red and puffy. She had been crying. When she realized it was me she quickly wiped her cheeks and stood up, giving me a smile. Definitely forced.
"What happened? Are you okay?" I walked over to her, grasping her hand in mine.
"Yeah, I..uh, I got cleared for surgery," She said as she bent down to pick up a yellow paper, signed by Perkins saying she could operate.
"And...you're crying?"
"No, I cried in there," She looked away from me and leaned against the wall, staring off.
"I don't understand,"
"You know I tried pretty much everything to get cleared before. Every personality, even the fake crying, it never worked. It was like he could tell," She took a deep breath before letting go of my hand and sinking to the ground once again.
"I asked him what I had to do to get cleared and he said he didn't think I was being honest with him or myself. So he told me to tell him everything that happened that day, how I felt. Ton of crap,"
"The fake tears worked this time?"
She chuckled and sniffed, "Thing is, they're not fake. I'm always so good at controlling my emotions. I don't cry in front of people like that. It seems like whenever I think about what happened...that day...I lose it,"
She laughed again and shrugged, at the stupidity of her situation.
I sunk down to the ground next to her, only getting the throbbing ache instead of the usual stabbing pain in my chest. Physical therapy really was working.
"It's okay to cry you know,"
"You haven't cried,"
"I've felt like I needed to. My tear ducts seem to be too proud. I've wanted to, believe me,"
Meredith laughed lightly at that.
"So why are you over here?"
"I was looking for you. I called my mom a few minutes ago,"
She turned to face me, concern all over her face. She looked at me like that a lot now. Worried, concerned, pitying.
"Oh, Derek. I'm so sorry I had no idea, here I am crying over something stupid. How did it go?"
"She said she was going to call my sisters, I think she knew how hard it was for me to just call her, so I don't have to worry about them,"
Meredith nodded, "That's good,"
"She also said she wanted them all to fly over to visit..."
My wife's eyes widened with shock. "She...what? All of them?"
"No, I convinced her not to let the sisters fly over, but she insisted on coming herself,"
The relief on Meredith's face was almost amusing to me.
"So only your mother?"
"Only her,"
Meredith nodded slowly. "Okay, she likes me, right? I think I can do that,"
"She loves you," I flash her a reassuring smile.
"When does she get in and how long is she staying?"
"I don't know yet, she said she would text me with her flight details once she works it all out,"
"Alright. Okay. That's fine, I can handle that. That's fine,"
I laughed and grabbed her hand as I tried to get up, subtly signaling to her that I needed help. Lots of people would say I have a huge ego. I'm aware of it, so swallowing my pride and asking for help is extremely difficult.
Meredith quickly got to her feet and helped me stand up. Together we walked through the hallways and to the elevator to tell Chief Webber she'd finally been cleared for surgery.