They walked back to the others side by side. Now that he wasn't chasing after her, they were able to get back at a pace that didn't send the injured blue dragon reeling with pain. Yoon was the first one on his feet the instant he spotted them.
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!" He thundered, absolutely livid.
Calista ran to hide behind Shin-ah, poking her head out and cringing once she saw the fury on his face. Laughing sheepishly, she held a hand up in apology, but that did absolutely nothing to settle him.
Shin-ah smiled down at the girl at his side, finding it oddly comforting to have her there. He could get used to that.
The last they had seen of her was when she was sprinting out of the memorial being held for that boy, and that was hours ago.
He and Yona had come back with Hak only to find that Kija and Jae-ha were trying to restrain a very weak, mortally wounded, blue dragon.
He was stunned to find him up and moving, sure that he was going to be out of commission for at least the rest of the day. Once they finally got Shin-ah to calm down enough, all it took was for him to briefly describe the distress he had seen and that Calista was injuring herself for them to let him go after her.
Hak wanted to go get her himself, and so did Yona, but Yoon was worried that they would do more harm than help.
Thankfully, they had both returned without much of a scratch in addition to their other ones, but that didn't mean they were off the hook.
She grinned as he was taken away by an infuriated pretty boy to get dressed and change his wound dressing when she was approached by the others.
Yona gave her a hug which she returned. "I'm so sorry."
Calista's throat closed up. "Thank you..."
"Come eat, Calista." Hak instructed from his seat by the fire, next to Jae-ha. "There's plenty for everyone."
She sat down beside him, noting how awkwardly quiet it was. Jae-ha and Kija were unusually somber and Zeno was casually munching on his food without much fanfare. The only hint that she knew he was concerned was the slight darkening of his eyes as they landed on her, freshly-cleaned-still-stained-with-scarlet, hands.
Clearing her throat, she picked up a kabob with bird meat on it, wincing as it made contact with the open cuts. "I guess I should probably explain what happened."
"You don't have to." Yona reassured softly, sensitive to what she went through. She didn't want to make her talk about it.
Calista paused, thinking about it deeply. Her time with Shin-ah had made a lot of things appear more clearly, and while she generally waited a day to process things like this, she knew she could skip it this time because of her conversation with him.
He helped her see it from different sides and he didn't blame her for what happened, so maybe they wouldn't either.
She felt brave enough to take that risk thanks to him.
Taking a shaky breath, she launched into a detailed account of what occurred after they left and explained everything. How she left to pick some fruit for the kids, only to find out that actual bandits were threatening the village. Trying to leave out most of the gruesome details, she sped through the encounter quickly and finished with the disheartened reality that even though she tried, she didn't make it in time.
A weighted silence fell over the group as they all grieved for the fallen child.
Calista still felt it more than anyone else, having experienced the loss first-hand.
"I was right there." There was no anger anymore, only despair at not being able to do more. "I could have saved him."
"There wasn't anything that you could've done." Hak cut in, staring straight into the blazing fire, but his words hit home.
Unbeknownst to him, it was just like what Shin-ah had been telling her.
"He's right." Kija echoed firmly, jaw clenching with conviction. "You did all that you could."
Her hands balled into fists at her side, and she nearly broke the stick her food was on. "It wasn't enough."
"You can't be expected to save all of them, Calista." Jae-ha muttered sadly. "That's too high of a standard."
"He had his whole life in front of him." She closed her eyes as fresh grief washed over her. "I know nothing I can do now will change the past, it's just..."
Her breath caught in her throat as the others patiently waited and she exhaled shakily. "It's a life that I can never get back. He's gone."
Shin-ah stepped out of the tent, dressed back in his usual fluff, and a white tunic that was the spitting image of a certain dragon's.
Calista lifted a finger and pointed questioningly at the garment with a raised eyebrow. Then, she noticed how Kija fidgeted uncomfortably off to the side.
"I was just trying to clean it..." He mumbled forlornly.
"There's nothing left to clean." Jae-ha exaggerated with a dramatic wave of his hand and Hak smirked.
The poor white dragon looked so ashamed and she couldn't help the giggle that slipped out. His intentions behind the action were clear.
"It was a very kind gesture, Kija." Calista noted with sincerity, Shin-ah agreeing with a bow of his head.
He lit up at the acknowledgement, but Yoon just crossed his arms over his chest, letting out an annoyed huff.
"Now I have to mend Shin-ah's clothes." He ground out, jerking the needle and thread. It was a miracle he didn't stab himself with it. He got what he needed out of his medical bag before nearly throwing her satchel at her. "Just what were you two thinking, fighting those bandits?"
Her shoulders deflated at the disapproval, easily mistaking it for disappointment. She caught her satchel without blinking as the open wounds made contact. Shin-ah shot her a worried glance, and Hak narrowed his eyes, catching the movement as well.
"It's not your fault."
Her mouth opened to say otherwise, but shut it at the heavy hand placed on her uninjured shoulder. She looked up to see Shin-ah peering down in concern at her, and lowered her head in defeat.
"Doesn't make it any easier though." She muttered under her breath.
Yona mirrored Shin-ah's action, but her touch was light with uncertainty, delicate features etched with pain.
"In Awa, there was a boy that got killed, do you remember?" She whispered regretfully. "I could have saved him if we had intervened when those officers were wrecking the store, but I didn't. I could have saved him but I didn't step in and now he's gone."
Calista looked down at her feet, wringing her hands in her lap. She remembered how she felt when she told her that. How much she wanted to comfort her with words, but knew that it wouldn't do much. It never did much to help her.
So this time, she opted to open up a little bit instead.
"I always am afraid of being too late." She said so quietly that Yona almost missed it. "There were a lot of people I failed to save in time, and that's the type of thing you never forget. Whether it's one life or twenty, I can't forget their faces and I don't want to."
Hak wondered what she could be talking about, he didn't have any recollection of her mentioning this before. Jae-ha narrowed his eyes suspiciously at her exhausted tone, wondering how much she had been through to get to where she was now.
Everyone missed Zeno's pain as it flickered across his baby blue eyes in a split second, the normally cheerful smile turning down in a flat line of remorse.
"Do you remember when I told you that if you decide to take a life, you have to not let it consume you?" After Yona nodded, Calista continued, "Truth is, I'm still having a hard time with that. No matter what, good guys or bad guys, at the end of the day they are still people and once their life is gone, it's gone."
And there isn't anything I can do to bring them back.
"Next time," Yona broke through the heavy silence determinedly. "I'll make sure to do everything I can to save them."
"And that's all we can do." Calista finished softly, accepting the facts with a heavy heart. She swore to never forget his name, his life.
As long as she remembered him, Tae-sik would live on in her memory. And so would all the others.
The others broke off as usual after dinner. Yoon roped Zeno into helping him put away the leftover meat, saving it for the villagers tomorrow.
She knew though, they had all only eaten a tiny bit of what they normally would have. Those people needed it way more, and the Happy Hungry Bunch was inclined to deliver.
Kija came back after a short period of time, Jae-ha returning soon after him with knives duller than they were when he left.
Calista cleared up the dinner dishes, smiling when she saw Shin-ah hanging around by her side closer than he normally would. She noticed he generally liked to walk around after a meal and be by himself.
"Shin-ah~" She sang, giggling as his ears turned pink.
They hadn't gotten a chance to tell the others about them, but more pressing matters took precedence over their new relationship.
But that didn't mean she couldn't have a little fun.
Stacking all of the dishes into a nice, neat pile so that Yoon didn't scold her for not doing it properly later, she sashayed over to the shy, blue dragon, booping him on the nose. An amused smile was rewarded for her effort and she beamed up happily at him, clasping her hands behind her back.
Hak and Yona filtered back into the area an hour later, returning from what she assumed was archery practice, but they were both holding wooden swords he must've gotten when he took the rusted axe she had given him into the market.
Raising an eyebrow, Jae-ha caught her eye and confirmed it with a tired nod.
She was impressed that Yona got her bodyguard to break and teach her swordsmanship. Hak was very against it, seeing as how one of the things His Majesty had ingrained in him was to never let her touch weapons.
Maybe I can convince Shin-ah to do the same for me...
She needed to learn. Although she knew her strength lay in her current skill set, she wasn't planning on neglecting her practice but the basics of learning how to fight with a sword would come in handy in a full-scale battle.
She would have to ask him later. For now, she was tired of fighting.
Beginning her ascent up the large maple tree looming over their group to take the first watch as everyone else started to head to bed, a light tap on her shoulder made her freeze.
She looked back to find a very disappointed Shin-ah frowning at her.
"What?"
Pointing to her shoulder, it dawned on her.
"Ah... I forgot about that."
He frowned in disapproval and she grinned sheepishly. Mischief glittered in her eye as she stood on her tip-toes. They were on the blind side of the trunk. No one would see them.
Looping her arms around his neck, his arms automatically wound themselves around her waist, keeping her there.
Brushing back his fur to expose his ear, she leaned in close and teased quietly, "It was because you kissed me so many times that I lost count and forgot about everything else, Shin-ah."
He shivered not-so-subtly at her words and his grip around her waist tightened.
She pulled back, flashing him a cheeky grin and threw a wink his way.
"Give me a hand?"
He nodded, and she clapped a hand over her mouth to prevent the squeal from escaping as his hands slid over the back of her thighs, lifting her up easily.
She slapped his shoulder playfully but her faux frown turned up at the soft chuckle that floated through the air. He lifted her higher in the air, her knees now level with his eyesight and a blush bloomed across her cheeks as she realized just how strong he was.
Able to grab onto the lowest branch, she glanced down for permission, which was granted immediately. She sprang off of his hands, pulling herself up the rest of the way without damaging any of her injuries further.
Sending him a quick salute of thanks, he gave her one last smile that made her heart melt before he joined the others on the forest floor.
She stared up at the stars and the moon positioned high in the sky. It was incredibly beautiful.
But not as beautiful as him...
Promising to look after them all with renewed vigor to prevent them from meeting the same fate as Tae-sik, she drifted off to sleep.
I know I can't ensure that they're always safe, but I can do my best at every opportunity. And that's all that I can do. I have to accept it, or else one day I won't walk out of it because I spiraled too far beyond the abyss.
I can do this, for all of them. I'm human. I'm allowed to learn from my mistakes and I'm allowed to protect those I care about with all that I've got.
I'm human, too.