"mike is my home."
✧ ﾟ･:*✧ ﾟ:*ﾟ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
EL'S POV
"shit." i mumble into mike's chest, my fists gripping the bottom of his shirt as i struggle to find the strength to pull away and make my way downstairs.
"el?" mike asks me in a hushed voice, shifting one of his hands to hold the back of my head as he releases a soft sigh. "you don't have to go downstairs."
thoughts spiral in my mind, my body having an internal battle with itself. part of myself wants to run to my absent parents and scream at them for abandoning me for so long, for not even managing to call or send a quick text to wish me a happy birthday. for not bothering to check in on me even though they knew i was in a depressed state.
the other part of myself wants to ignore the two people standing just a short walk away, and yearns to jump out of my window and escape this house.
but as i feel mike's hands holding me to him, i begin to wonder if his presence could give me the strength to look them in the eye and tell them everything that i've bottled up inside of me for the past six months. finally holding them accountable for their negligence and being able to convince myself that it's not my fault that they keep leaving me.
with a small sniffle, i plant my hands against mike's chest and force myself to pull away from the warmth and comfort that his body gives me. a trembling breath escapes my lips before i purse them together and force a tight smile on my face.
"i'm fine." i say simply, slowly pulling my hands away from mike and wrapping them around myself, allowing my arms to encircle my body in a shield-like manner. "let's go."
i move to my door, struggling to keep up my calm composure, even though my mind is pounding with anxious thoughts and my body screams at me, telling me that this is a bad idea. i watch mike out of the corner of my eye, noticing how his face contorts in concern and how his hand twitches slightly as if he wants to pull it to mine.
i make the move for him, reaching over to him and finding his hand in my own, taking pleasure in the way the action seems so natural.
i feel my feet move on their own accord, carrying me out of my sanctuary of a room and down the staircase, the tension in my body escalating higher with every passing moment. my steps begin to slow as we reach the first floor, my movements hesitant as i make the turn into the living room, where my parents are currently standing.
i hear their laughter, filled with glee, and it pulls at my heartstrings, my mind realizing how unfamiliar their voices sound and how i haven't heard them enough in the past 17 years of my life.
i feel mike give my hand a reassuring squeeze as i reluctantly walk into the large room, making myself visible to my parents.
except they don't notice me. their eyes barely flick across us before they excitedly return back to their conversation, as if whatever they're taking about is far more important than giving me the time of day.
i internally debate between staying planted right where i am, or running back into my room and screaming into my pillow, letting out all the tension built up inside of me. but, somehow, mike's presence allows me to stay standing, as if he's the sole thing giving me strength.
with a chorus of laughter, my parents finally finish their discussion, and turn to me, lingering smiles on their faces.
"ellie, finally!" my dad says, squinting at me as if he's unsure of what i even look like. "come here, we'll tell you all about the graduation we just came from!"
i stare blankly at them before forcing a smile across my lips, struggling to make myself seem happy to see them.
"sure." i mumble half-heartedly, trudging my feet as i reach them, my hand still clutching onto mike's.
"is this lucas?" my mom asks in confusion, her gaze moving right past me to land on mike.
i struggle to find the words to reply as i stare at the woman i call my mother, trying to find any sort of indication on her face that she's happy to see me, but she doesn't even acknowledge my presence, her eyes fixed on mike.
"oh, um no..." mike says, answering for me. he pulls a effortless smile onto his face and politely holds out a hand to my mother. "i'm mike."
"oh!" my mom says, grasping mike's hand in her own and giving him a firm handshake. "are you ellie's friend?"
mike opens his mouth to answer the question, but i watch as his voice catches in his throat, obviously unsure of how to reply. i step forward to fill his silence, stroking my thumb across the back of his hand as i make eye contact with my mother.
"no, my boyfriend." i say, hearing mike make a surprised noise from beside me. my heart beats rapidly as i watch him through my peripheral vision, noticing how the corners of his lips quirk upwards.
i mirror his smile as i repeat the words over and over again in my mind.
my boyfriend. my boyfriend. my boyfriend.
it feels so right to say, the word seeming so natural to me, and from mike's reaction, i can tell he likes it too.
"your boyfriend." my dad repeats with a frown. "i thought you were with.... oh, what's his name?" he looks at my mom in uncertainty and after a moment she finishes the sentence for him.
"troy!" she exclaims, snapping her fingers. "i thought you're dating troy?"
"yeah, um, we broke up almost two years ago." i say in reply, shifting my gaze to my feet as i take in the fact that they didn't even bother to remember that.
mike catches sigh of my obvious discomfort and he shifts his body closer to mine, gently bumping our arms together in a comforting gesture.
"really?" my mother says in a surprised tone, looking at her husband who mirrors her expression. "that's a shame, he seemed good for you."
"good for me?" i inquire, raising my head, a furrow embedded between my eyebrows.
"he was a good influence on you." my dad offers, continuing where my mom left off. "you were always so sad and depressed all the time, i'm glad he fixed that."
"and then you two returned me back to that." i mumble under my breath, barely loud enough for myself to hear. to my surprise, mike's ears catch my voice and he whips his head around to look at me, his eyes gleaming with worry.
i force my gaze away from mike's, feeling as though my knees are moments are from buckling under the weight of all three of their stares. a shuddering breath escapes my pursed lips and i give my parents only silence in reply, not being able to find the courage to keep speaking.
to my dismay, my parents quickly turn their attention away from me and back to mike, far more interested in the stranger before them than the daughter they've neglected for the past few months.
"so, mike?" my mom asks, giving him a courteous smile. "what's your full name? i'm surprised el hasn't told us about you."
i don't have to tell mike for him to know that even if i told them about him, there's no way they would care enough to remember the information. it would most likely be replaced in a matter of seconds, washed away by some new clients name or a business deal.
mike shifts under my mother's steely gaze, his uneasiness very apparent. "uh, i'm mike wheeler. i'm not from here. i flew from indiana for the weekend."
my mother pulls her eyebrows together in thought when she hears mike's full name. she glances at my father, her mouth gaped open as a realization evidently strikes her mind. i watch in confusion as my father seems to make the same conclusion, his face lighting up as he stares at mike.
"mike, there's no chance you're related to nancy wheeler, is there?" my dad asks slowly in an astounded voice.
"uh, yeah. yeah, she's my sister." mike replies hesitantly, mirroring my puzzlement as his eyes flick between my parents.
"oh, nancy wheeler!" my mom says excitedly, clapping her hands together with a wide grin curving her lips. "i absolutely love that girl! she interns for us, and i've never met a more efficient and talented person as young as her!"
"she's brilliant." my dad adds on, his gaze fixed on mike. "i don't know how she does it, your parents definitely raised her right!"
"she's like a daughter to me." my mom breathes out, clutching her hands to her chest as she turns to my father, the conversation obviously between the two of them now. "i absolutely adore her."
my breath catches in my throat when i hear those words leave my mother's lips.
she's like a daughter to me.
i absolutely adore her.
my parents have never spoken about me with so much reverence and fondness. in recent years, they've never made an effort to tell me that i'm loved or told me that i'm beautiful and strong and worthy.
it may seem like a silly thing to be sad about, maybe even childish. i shouldn't have to rely on them for love. i should be able to tell myself that i'm beautiful, strong and worthy, but i can't say those words truthfully.
over the past few years, i found myself yearning for that parental warmth. the feeling of running into your father's comforting arms or crying on your mother's shoulder, knowing that even if you lost everyone, you would never lose the love of your parents. the sensation of stepping onto a stage and receiving an award, being able to look into the audience and seeing your mom and dad giving you a standing ovation and cheering louder than anyone else. the way you could run down the stairs and see your father sitting at the dining table, immersed in the morning newspaper, and your mother handing you a plate of pancakes, smiles on both of their faces as they look at you.
the feeling of having a family.
i never had that.
that fact becomes more and more apparent to me as i continue to listen to my parents rave about their beloved intern, their love for her showing on both of their faces as they speak about her.
of course, i adore nancy, she was the one who first helped me confront my feelings for mike and the one who i could talk to whenever i needed any sort of advice.
but, it hurt having to watch my parents converse about her and slowly coming to the realization that she's more of a daughter to them than i ever was.
i tear my hand away from mike's, bringing both of my palms to my face as i struggle to maintain my composure. my chest heaves rapidly as i feel tears prick up in my eyes, my body finally allowing itself to display the emotional distress that my parent's visit has brought upon me. my mind spirals with overwhelming thoughts as i attempt to keep myself together, yanking my hands back down and wringing them in an effort to release my anxiety.
but i can't keep the tears from pooling up in my eyes, moments away from spilling over and cascading down my cheeks, leaving behind salty streaks on my skin and displaying how truly hurt i am in this moment.
i abruptly turn away from mike and my parents, a hand pressed tightly over my quivering lips as i struggle to keep myself upright, every cell in my body wanting to release the painful sob building up inside of me. i feel the urge to finally allow myself to cry, being able to wallow in my own misery, returning myself to the familiar depressed state i was in just weeks ago.
my feet carry me away from the three people standing in my living room, rushing to the front door in an effort to get out of this situation before i can't hold the tears back any longer.
i hear mike's rapid footsteps behind me, and i quicken my pace, not wanting him to see me in this state. in a few strides, i reach my front door and yank it open, allowing myself to stumble onto the sidewalk. it's that moment when i finally release the sob i've been forcing myself to keep in.
i nestle my fingers into my hair, pulling on the strands harshly as if the pain could help distract me from the two people currently laughing away inside the house behind me, but none of my efforts prevail as whimpers continue to escape past my lips. my chest heaves rapidly as i struggle to control my erratic breathing, squeezing my eyes shut in frustration when i feel hot tears begin to stream down my cheeks.
i don't have time to wipe away them away before i hear someone hesitantly step up behind me, gentle hand grasping my wrist.
"el?" mike says tentatively, slowly turning me around to face him, concern apparent in his every move.
the moment he sees my tear-streaked cheeks, i see his face fall, as if the sight of me hurting brings him pain as well. his gaze shifts to my bloodshot eyes and then down to my trembling hands, and i can see his features become overwhelmed in anger, and then frustration, and then finally sadness. he lifts a hand to hold my cheek, moving his thumb to wipe away the tears still streaming from my eyes, and then he quietly utters two words.
"come here." he mumbles, effortlessly pulling my weakened body into his, wrapping one arm around my waist and holding his hand at the back of my head, allowing me to nestle my face into the crook of his neck.
i mumble muffled nothings, trying to find the words to tell him exactly what i'm feeling, trying to find a way to justify why i seem so broken. however, before i can fully get the words out of my mouth, mike shushes me and pulls away slightly so he can rest his forehead on mine.
he lets out a long breath, letting his eyelids flutter closed before he speaks.
"you don't have to explain yourself, el. they're assholes. both of them. i don't — i don't know how i could ever deal with this. el, you..." mike brings his forehead away from mine so he can look into my teary eyes, running his fingers through my hair absentmindedly as he observes me.
"you're so fucking strong. you don't deserve any of this. i — i wish i could make this better for you..." he whispers, a furrow appearing between his eyebrows as he struggles to find words.
i give him a smile, a real smile. the kind of smile only he can bring forth. "you already are." i murmur in reply, resting my forehead against his chest as i begin to feel all my worries fade from my mind, replaced by the overwhelming sensation of euphoria that i receive when i'm being held in mike's arms.
and that's the moment i realize that home isn't my absent parents, or this overly large house before me.
mike is my home.
✧ ﾟ･:*✧ ﾟ:*ﾟ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
hello!!
schools starting soon for me so my current mood is all like 😡😳😤🤧😢😔
BUT writing this book makes me really really happy n i hope it makes u happy to read it too!!
hope you enjoyed!!
next chapter is their second date...
vote and comment<3
— rose