At the NJC
Shane's pov
Carrie quickly opened their door.
"Is she alright, Shane?" she asked worriedly, sensing my concern and seeing her sister struggle.
"She'll be alright, sweetheart, I just need her medicine. Do you know where it is?" I tried to sound a little calmer so I wouldn't cause the girls unnecessary worry.
"Uh, I think it's on her dresser," Lisa said, jumping up to grab the bottles.
"Quickly scanning the labels, I deduced the correct one for an immediate attack and asked Lisa to get the pill out while Carrie grabbed me a glass of water. Sitting down on Julie's bed with her still in my arms, I tried to loosen the tight hold she had on the back of my shirt so I could turn her around and get her to take the pill.
Once I finally had her sitting on my lap, pressed into my side with her legs over my knees, I tried to slow her rapid breathing.
"Breathe, sweetheart, breathe. Slow and easy, in and out," I repeated, as I rhythmically stroked her thigh and gently rocked her.
After she calmed down a little, I motioned for Lisa to hand me the pill.
"I need you to open your mouth for me, luv, so you can take your medicine. Ok?"
Julie shook her head no as she clutched my shirt tightly and buried her face against my chest.
"Come on, baby, open up for me. I need you to take your medicine. It'll help you feel better, sweetheart. Please don't fight me on this."
Julie turned her head away from my chest slightly so I took that as my cue that she was ready to cooperate. I pushed the pill between her lips and immediately brought the glass of water up to her mouth.
"Take a drink." She shook her head and tried to turn her face into my chest but I guided her chin back towards me. "Drink, Julie," I said a little more sternly this time, hoping she'd respond to the authority in my voice and thankfully, she did.
After Julie swallowed her pill, she continued to cry uncontrollably. My heart ached seeing my beautiful eighteen-year-old girl broken down in my arms.
"Girls, would you mind giving us some privacy?" Despite phrasing it like a question, the girls knew they didn't have a choice so they obediently got up to leave without argument. "Thank you, ladies. Please turn the light off on your way out."
After Lisa and Carrie left, Stacey asked, "Are you sure she's gonna be okay, Shane? Do you want me to call Dr. Evans?" Stacey was obviously worried about her cousin but she didn't want to let on in front of her sisters.
Hearing Stacey mention calling Marlena, Julie vehemently shook her head and her respirations and heart rate accelerated almost instantly.
"Mike," I heard her softly whine into my chest.
"You don't have to call Dr. Evans, Stacey. I'll stay with Julie until I know she's alright. Ok, luv?" I smiled at my oldest, appreciating the concern she had for her cousin's wellbeing.
"Ok, Shane," Stacey said somewhat sadly, as she flipped the light switch off then gently closed the door behind her on the way out.
"Mike," I heard Julie whine again.
"Mike's in Africa, baby. He'll be home in two days," I reassured her.
It broke my heart to hear Julie cry out for Mike, knowing he can't be here to help her. When she called for him, it served as a painful reminder that I'm probably the cause of Julie's panic attacks, knowing they most likely stem from the trauma of that night I lost control and belted her in the park. How could I have been so cruel? I can now truly appreciate the meaning behind the phrase, the sins of the past always come back to haunt you. It's no wonder she wants Mike to help her instead of me.
I held Julie tightly and continued to rock her gently in my arms, hoping I would be a sufficient substitute for the man she craves comfort from right now, her real father. I let my tears wet her hair as I cried silently. Shushing Julie, holding her close, I prayed once again for God's help and forgiveness.
Forty minutes later
Shane's pov
Once Julie's anti-anxiety medication took effect, she calmed down considerably and eventually fell asleep in my arms. I carried her back to my room, being careful not to wake her.
Setting her down gently on my bed, I covered her with a blanket and softly kissed her forehead as I whispered, "Just rest, luv, I'll be here when you wake up."
I stepped out into the hall to call the girls to let them know Julie was okay and currently asleep in my bed so they could return to their room now. I debated calling Mike but thought better of it, knowing I'd have to explain what brought on Julie's panic attack. As part of her punishment for smoking pot, she's going to be responsible for confessing her illegal drug use to Mike herself. If the girls want us to treat them more like adults, they're going to have to take on more responsibility, including owning up to their misbehaviour and graciously accepting the consequences that go along with it.
After speaking to the girls, I returned to my room and sat down behind my desk to catch up on some paperwork while Julie slept. When she wakes up, I'll to tell her we'll finish discussing her punishment tomorrow. I want her to have the remainder of the day to rest and recover from her panic attack. I'm afraid any added stress will trigger another episode and none of us want that.
The next night after dinner at the NJC
Julie's pov
Shane told me to follow him to his room as soon as we finished eating. Once inside, he sat down on his bed and snapped his fingers, pointing to the spot in front of him, indicating he wanted me to stand there right now. Shane held my hands against my sides as I stood silently between his knees.
"I need you to be honest with me, Julie, and admit you smoked marijuana at the park with your friends the other night so we can finish my portion of your punishment. I need you to convince me you understand why what you did was wrong and I want you to promise me you won't do it again." Shane spoke quite matter of factly as if he was simply reading off items on a grocery list.
"Your portion?" I questioned quietly, fighting back tears.
"I'll be picking up Mike at the airport tomorrow. His flight is scheduled to land at 5:25pm. You may come with me to pick him up or you may wait until we return to speak with him." Shane paused, wiping the tears from my eyes with his thumbs before once again holding my hands against my sides. "Either way, Julie, you have twenty-four hours to tell Mike the truth in-person. Am I clear?"
I inhaled sharply, my heart started beating rapidly as I began to panic anticipating what Mike's reaction would be.
Shane stroked my arms slowly, applying a steady pressure.
"Slow deep breaths, sweetheart. Watch me. In, out, in, out," he repeated, as he demonstrated how he wanted me to mimic his breathing patterns to stave off another attack. When my breathing slowed and became more regular, he said, "Good, now close your eyes, luv, squeeze my hands, take one deep breath and slowly repeat out loud, I'm okay, ten times."
I followed Shane's instructions since I really didn't want to have another panic attack like yesterday. I absolutely hate that feeling of helplessness I get when I have no control over my own body. It's like I'm suffocating and drowning at the same time.
"Do you want me to get your medicine, sweetheart?" Shane asked.
Hearing the genuine compassion and concern in his voice helped relax me.
"No, I don't need it, Shane. I'm okay now."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure. Don't worry."
"I'm afraid I can't do that, sweetheart."
I gave Shane a quizzical look.
Seeing my confusion, he clarified, "I will always worry about you because you're my daughter and I love you." Shane smiled at me. Standing, he pulled me into his secure embrace. Wrapping his arms around my back, he held me close. "Mike and I love you very much and nothing you do will ever change that. I want you to remember that when you talk to him and when I'm through punishing you. Ok?"
Breathing in the familiar comforting scent of Shane's cologne as I pressed my cheek against his chest, I chose to focus on the heart of his message, instead of my impending punishment.
"Yes sir." I decided to confess now so I don't have to see the hurt look on Shane's face as I stay pressed against him. "I smoked pot at the park Friday night and I know I shouldn't have because it's illegal and potentially dangerous since there's no way to be sure what chemicals I was actually inhaling into my lungs. I didn't drive home though. Kristen drove your car home and Jeremy followed in his car cuz they weren't smoking. I'm sorry I lied to you, Shane, and..." I swallowed hard and tightened my hold on the lapels of his suit coat, "...and I'm really sorry I disappointed you."
Shane closed his eyes and kissed the top of my head. Patting my bottom he whispered in my ear, "Thank you for not driving under the influence." He sighed before continuing, "Let's get this overwith. Alright?"
I nodded and wiped the tears from my eyes.
Shane held my hands as he said, "I want you to go in my closet and get my Admiral's belt."