Forth
The sun was exceptionally stingy today while we work on the outreach program. Everyone is busy with their delegated tasks and I wondered where could Beam had gone.
I brought some refreshments and found him in a room decorating the classroom bulletin board.
I walked in and handed him a bottle of water to quench his thirst in the boiling heat.
"Don't I look weird to you?", Beam suddenly asked.
I shook my head and looked at him with fervor, "I didn't know you have this crafty side."
I knew him as some brusque force and would prefer to do the heavy lifting rather than to be cooped up in a room being creative.
"It's something I excelled during highschool. If I haven't decided to go to medical school, I could have been an arts major or an architect."
I smiled at him, "Wouldn't we have been the perfect match?"
He just shrugged at me and returned to his work. He sat down on the floor and I took this opportunity to just stay with him and savor one of his passions.
---
Beam
It was a lazy and quite afternoon but I didn't mind him using my lap as his pillow.
There was a light air to Forth at this moment. He seemed at ease and has found peace.
"You should be lying down somewhere much comfortable.", I suggested.
"Just let me recharge from you. Being with you here is comfortable enough. Wherever you would be will always be the most comfortable place.", he told me with a smile.
I couldn't help but agree. I know exactly what he meant.
"Your body looks really good.", I couldn't help but compliment the topless brute.
"Do you like it?", he looks at me mischievously.
"It's all yours for the taking.", he teased.
"Why don't you just rest.", an automatic response.
Whenever he tries to stir things in me, I instinctively pull my defenses up. I always had difficulty taking him seriously.
After I had finished decorating the bulletin board, we went outside to help out more.
There were some repairs that needs to be finished before we could call it a day.
The heat is already taking it's toll on me and I could feel the exhaustion.
As always, I kept blocking Forth's affection to avoid any unsolicited teasing from his buddies.
When I decided to give in to stop him from fussing over me, the unexpected happened.
The hammer I have clumsily stashed away fell on Forth's head as I was climbing down the ladder.
My heart jumped and I felt the world ending. Panic arose from me as Forth crumpled to the ground.
As a medical student, I know that a lot of things could go wrong when a skull cracks.
I couldn't explain the fear. I was about to lose my mind. I was on the verge of hysteria at the sight of Forth's bleeding head.
---
I had a talk with the doctor in charge. Though he assured me that there is no possible fracture with the amount of blood present, I was skeptical.
I'm not even sure which part of the hammer hit Forth's head so I could not really trust the doctor's assessment given that he wasn't at the scene of the crime.
I went back to the room where Forth was resting and he was already awake. That was a good sign but it was a fifty fifty clearance.
I'm not sure on how I can approach him or if I should. I felt the guilt wallowing in me.
He beckoned to me and we were left alone by his friends.
"I'm so sorry, Forth. It was all my fault.", that was all I could muster.
He just looked at me as if I have done nothing wrong. Like there was nothing to forgive with the incident.
He welcomed me with outstretched arms, always ready to comfort.
I snuggled up to him and held him tight. The fear came stirring in. I couldn't bear the loss. I would not bear the loss. Life will cease to exist without him.
Is this how strongly I feel for him? It is powerful and overwhelming.
As I tried to apologize again and put into words how I really feel, I was washed away by his kiss.
My heart ached and felt relief. I felt bliss. I felt release. I felt the warm feeling of freedom.
I don't want to loose him. I don't want to loose us. I will never let that happen.
"Shall we be together now?", he proposed after the kiss.
Happiness overwhelmed me. He was unconditional.
Again, I instinctively deflected him and shyly agreed. There was no doubt behind my answer anymore.
It was another fight or flight proposal. But this time, he has my heart.
Cheers and cat calls reverberated outside the room but I couldn't help but smile. Damn engineers.
---
We went back to the school when the doctor gave clearance. I already know the protocol. If something feels off, we should be ready for the worse.
I wanted to head back to the city to make sure Forth is internally well but the odds are not in my favor.
Forth insisted that we stay the night and blow off whatever steam is left. Not wanting to stress him out further, I reluctantly let it go.
This is going to be a long night.
I tried hard to control myself from going ballistic.
"You shouldn't drink. You're a bleeder. Alcohol will stimulate your system and it will not help you heal.", I tried hard not to sound like I'm an overbearing wife.
Park wasn't much of a help like his other buddies, "Telling him not to drink is like telling him to stop going for girls and just die."
Forth and I shot him with a sharp look. Is he asking to be murdered right now?
"Can't you see Forth is trying to get Doc? You're prolonging his agony!", Lam reprimanded him.
Park immediately knew it was below the belt and tied his tongue with an apologetic look.
Forth suddenly bragged, "I'm not trying to get him anymore. He already agreed to be my wife."
I flicked his hand away when he grabbed mine to show the trophy but I didn't expect his reaction.
Clearly he got pissed and walked out of the group.
How long would I keep on testing his patience?
They immediately encouraged me to follow him and soothe the big bulk before his temper flares.
I found him beside his pick-up truck. I went up to him to reason about my actions.
He just gave me the silent treatment and I didn't want to talk to someone who wasn't willing to listen. I started to walk away but he stopped me.
"You stay here.", he commanded me.
"I'm sick and tired of you holding your feelings back! Stop being indecisive, Beam.", he was drawing the line on me.
"If you like me, then you like me. If you don't, then don't! Let's just make this easier and clear for us."
"I just want you to show me how you really feel without thinking about other people's opinion! This is our relationship, Beam..", he was almost pleading.
"I just want to know where we stand. If you kept on blurring the lines, it only makes it more confusing."
"Tell me how should we go from here..", he was on the edge of the cliff now.
"I feel like you want to hide me. I just want to show the world that I love you.."
"I want to know that you feel the same way too."
"That you're not ashamed of what we have."
I sighed and gave him a piece of me that I've been holding back.
"I'm not used to this, Forth. I'm not used to being made fun of because of my feelings."
"This is my first time being in this kind of relationship. It's unconventional."
"I don't know how I should act."
"I'm not embarrassed about us. I'm just shy.", I looked at him searching for the unconditional Forth.
"I wouldn't have said yes in the first place if I didn't feel anything for you. Let me clear that for you."
I let it all out as rationally as possible. It could have been romantic but the asshole in front of me suddenly laughed.
Did I just make a joke?
"I'm just messing with you.", he said in between laughs.
Bastard!
I hit him hard and he pulled me in. He surely made something light out of a confession.
"But I'm happy. I know how you feel. All that internal struggle.", he tried to soothe me.
"We'll take things one step at a time. I know it's hard, but let's walk away together. Okay?"
I nodded and just leaned on him as assurance.
---
What if morning never comes?
I was dreading as I tossed and turned on the mattress. I was having trouble sleeping.
I sensed Forth inched towards the side of my space.
Everybody seems to be asleep except us.
"Would it help you sleep if you would lie on my chest?", he offered.
Yes. So that I'll know that you'd still be with me when I wake up.
I wanted to say that but I couldn't. Instead I declined.
"Would it help if you counted some sheep?", he was insistent.
"I have already counted more than a thousand."
"How about singing in your head?", he tried again.
"I don't like singing.", I tried to shrug his worry.
"I'll eventually fall asleep."
I closed my eyes and felt his warm lips touch my forehead. It made me feel fuzzy inside.
I looked at him and he has laid again.
I slowly reached out for his hand and held on to it for comfort. I wanted him to feel that I appreciate him.
Simple gestures sometimes goes a long way to show how you truly feel.
A simple kiss. A simple touch.
It's like small ripples on a pond. After that came the calm.