I went to Jordans for a bit after the bus dropped us off, hung out playing fifa and listening to the tales from his latest hook up. He dropped me off at home just after ten and as I walked up my garden path I could hear screams coming from inside the house.
Home sweet home.
I tried the door handle but it was locked so I banged against the wood and waited to be let inside and met with my fate.
"Get off me." I heard mom shout, followed by a series of smashes and bangs.
I banged my fist against the door louder this time, moving the whole frame with each collision. No answer, just more screams and struggles coming from behind the door. I peeked into the window, trying hard to see in against the yellow stained net curtains. Jax had mom pushed up against the wall, hand over her throat and fist in the air.
Shit, I needed to get inside.
I looked around for a large rock but I couldn't find anything and the struggle seemed to get louder so I threw my bare fist against the window and felt the glass shudder around my knuckles. I kept punching away the shards until I could put my hand through and unlock the door. My fist was bleeding heavy and I could feel sharp fragments stuck inside my skin but I ignored the pain and made my way over to Jax.
Both of them were completely oblivious to my presence and high off their faces. I pulled on Jaxs shoulders, inching him away from moms neck. He released her and turned his menacing eyes around to face me. I clenched my fist, it was dripping blood onto the floor and throbbed with pain. I tucked it up inside the sleeve of my t.shirt to try and slow the bleeding while I dealt with the aftermath of stopping Jax.
"Fooking boys back." Jax whistled through yellow stumpy teeth and breath thick with a cigarette stench that made me coil away in disgust.
Jax wrapped his fingers around my jaw, gripping tightly with his fingertips as he brought his face closer to mine and dug a sharp point into my throat with his other hand. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the knife, feel the fear or experience the pain that was going to come along with it.
"Don't think I won't hesitate to cut you up boy." Jax said, wafting another undesirable stench in my direction. My eyes floated past him, pleading with my mom to put an end this, to help me in some way. But she walked away, grabbing a bottle of beer off the side and headed to kitchen without a care in the world.
The knife dug deeper and I kept myself as still as humanly possible so I didn't provoke him in any further way. He brought his knee up and gashed me right in the windpipe, allowing me the room I needed to coil over and struggle to catch my breath. I breathed deeply, as I held the tender place he just hit but relief washed over me that he no longer held a knife to my throat.
I tried to escape, walk off before he could do any serious damage but I felt his fingers in my hair, pulling me backwards and making me hit my head against the wall. He threw his elbow across my throat this time, holding me in place and suffocating me. I wanted to scream for help but he took away my voice. As I looked into his dark, evil eyes I felt a sharp pain stabbing through my thighs and overtaking the pain I felt in hand.
Jax finally released me and I hobbled towards the door clutching my leg, which had already soaked my black jeans in blood. He watched me leave but didn't stop me because his torment was over and it was time for him to return back to his drugs.
As I walked through the street the rain hit my body, claiming every dry bit of me and making my clothes cling to cuts causing more pain. I counted down the houses towards her, using her as a distraction to take away my pain. Needing her to save me again. I wondered how I would climb the tree house with a big tear on my leg but I knew I had to try because being close to her was the only way I could experience even the tiniest amount of happiness.
I walked in her garden and became blinded by a bright security light, I threw my hands over my eyes to shield away from the brightness but as I adjusted I no choice but to blink through the rain and that's when I spotted her. Standing in her kitchen, watching me.
Seeing me.
Slowly she walked up to the door and started turning the keys in lock without taking her eyes off me. At least she couldn't see that I was crying out in the rain, but I still didn't want her to see me this vulnerable. So I thought about running and I turned around, almost willing myself to leave but I knew with my leg I wouldn't be fast enough to disappear. She got the door open and gestured me to come inside.
Very sheepishly I stood inside, unwilling to look at her and let her see the expression my face was wearing. It would give away too much. She would know how much shame I felt in this moment and how fragile I really was, broken beyond repair.
Her eyes darted down my hand and soon her hand followed as she tried to grasp it around my own but I quickly pulled away from her touch as my heart rate increased and the pain crashed around my body in worse ways. Seeing my evident flinch she dropped her hand and nodded her head in understanding. Silently I said thank you with my eyes and allowed her to grab my hand when she reached up slower this time in order to guide me out of the room like I was lost. As we approached her stairs I started to get nervous about her parents being home, they couldn't see me. They would report it.
"Y...your p...parents." I said pathetically, through broken voice that was barely audible. I hated myself for showing her the weaker side of me.
"They're not home. They never are." She said leading me into her en-suite bathroom. "sit." she gestured towards the edge of her bath and I willingly followed her instruction and watched as she searched through a first aid kit. This might hurt a little, I'm sorry." she said sincerely.
She run my hand under the warm tap, gently rubbing the warm water into my bleeding knuckles. It stung but the physical pain was nothing on the emotional pain I struggled with on a daily basis. She spent a great deal of time looking at the cuts and pulling out glass shards with tweezers very carefully. Then she applied cream and wrapped up my knuckles in a bandage.
I shivered with coldness as I watched her take care of me in a completely compassionate way. Not asking any questions, not expecting me to explain anything, just deep, warm hearted care. Droplets of water dripped from my hair, and ran down my face but I didn't bother to wipe them away because I felt like they hid away my hurt.
Slowly she raised her hands towards the edge of my t.shirt and my body tensed, knowing what she wanted.
"Can I?" She asked sweetly.
I didn't want her to and I couldn't physically answer her but I was soaking wet and freezing cold so I very reluctantly nodded my head and closed my eyes, shutting out the way she was going to look when she set her eyes on my hideous body.
She pulled my t.shirt up over my head and I kept my eyes shut so tightly I could see shadow shapes appearing in the darkness of my eyelids. The cold air clung to my chest, letting me know I was fully exposed and she was probably inspecting every inch of my skin right now. I feel her. I felt the tip of her fingertips softly trace of my ribs, in the same place Jax had kneed me. I felt the bile rise up my throat and I knew the tears were coming but I refused to allow them to escape, not in front of her.
"d...don't." I whispered, closing my eyes even tighter. Causing a little bit of tension pain around the eyelids. She pulled back her hand immediately.
"your... um... pants." she said but I made no efforts to move, I couldn't. I kept my eyes shut as the pain exhausted me and I felt humiliated that Olivia was seeing me like this.
She held my hand and pulled up to my feet. Stepping closer and unbuttoned my jeans like she was helping a small child undress. She tugged them down which I could sense was a little tough for her because they were wet right though and I made no efforts to help. I heard her gasp slightly and I knew she had just come face to face with my cut. I felt her wipe it up and apply cream and a bandaid but I kept my eyes close the whole time because I didn't want to see the damage Jax had done or the damage I had done showing Olivia my body.
I opened my eyes once the bandaid was on but I couldn't bring myself to look at Olivia. Instead I kicked off my shoes and stepped out of my jeans, letting Olivia guide me towards the bed. I lay down, facing away from her and wondered what she would do next. My heart raced slightly at the thought of her climbing in bed with me because I have never been in a bed with someone else before. I didn't know how I would handle that.
But right now, I really wanted her in the bed with me.
I felt the mattress dip as she slid in behind me and I prepared myself to feel her touch against my skin. Like she knew how to read my mind she waited a few minutes, letting me adjust to her being in the bed with me before she threw her arm around me in a comforting way.
An overwhelming emotion filled my heart and I couldn't hold back the bile climbing in my throat, taking over everything. As my tears pooled behind my eyes I was defeated in holding them back and I cried like a dam had burst in the middle of the desert. I couldn't breathe through sobs and tears stained my face and soaked the pillow.
She pulled me closer and stroked her hand through my hair, consoling me.
I don't even know why I was crying.
After being treated so badly my whole entire life it was alien to be cared for and feel loved and I guess I didn't know how to handle it in a way that didn't make me emotional. The last thing I remembered was Olivia whispering that it was okay and reassuring me that I didn't need to explain myself to her. She has no idea how much I needed to hear that.