It didn't—at least not for Matthew.
Throughout practice, he frequently looked up toward the stadium to wave and wink at me. I had wisely chosen to ignore the curious stares Brooklyn and Jayce gave me every time he glanced at me.
We had been on the stadium seats for what seemed like hours. Only five other spectators were on the bleachers and they seemed more preoccupied by their phones than the game. I understood the temptation. Who knew sport drills could be so tedious?
Although I sat by Brooklyn and Jayce, I couldn't help but feel like a wheel of a tricycle; it occasionally came in handy, but everyone knew bicycles were much more convenient.
It was my own fault; the girls did their best to make me feel included. But as their conversations went on, I felt little need for my input and zoned them out.
I had no idea why I was even here but I couldn't figure out a respectful way to walk out.
Avan was sitting in the row below us and looked even less excited to be here than I was. He was slumped over his bag, his eyes mindlessly following the players run back and forth on the court.
Earlier, I had brushed him on the shoulder to check on him before I could talk myself out of it.
"I'll be fine. What about you? How are you, Avery?" he had asked.
His eyes held the same intensity as Mr. Andrews when he had asked the same question earlier during my office aide period, as if they had the power to see beyond my pretense.
It sounded like a natural question to ask but despite Mr. Andrews's relaxed demeanor, I couldn't help but think of him as a therapist.
He had continued to watch me curiously as I helped him organize the files and papers on his desk and always seemed mere inches away from jotting down every sentence I uttered. He reminded me of the therapist my Dad had made me see regularly after Riley had died. The woman always seemed more enthusiastic about scribbling mysterious notes about me than about talking.
I didn't know how talking to a stranger about my sister would help me but Dad believed it would get me out of my head. I wondered if spending these critical first months together would have worked better.
Avan did not seem to believe me when I told him I was fine. And I knew there was no way I would convince him when I couldn't even convince myself.
"Looks fairly easy, right?" Brooklyn said, nudging me in the side and breaking me out of my world. "You just toss the ball into the hoop. I don't know what's taking them so long."
Jayce turned to her friend and shook her head in disbelief. "You're kidding, right?"
She then proceeded to explain to Brooklyn the importance of scrimmages and the significance of every single move to defend the sport.
Brooklyn nodded, even though her face showed nothing but confusion. I noticed that whenever she glanced at the court, she located Arson. She didn't seem to realize. A persistent smile tugged at her lips. She continued to nod mindlessly to Jayce as her eyes ran alongside Arson on the court.
He was both practicing his skills and coaching the newest players. The green polyester jersey effectively hid his sweat but remained glued to his body. If he was indeed exhausted, he did not show it to his teammates.
"How do you know so much about basketball?" I asked Jayce, when she finally stopped talking.
She had probably realized that Brooklyn did not care to understand the complexities of the sport.
When she registered my question, the excitement that had animated her face as she spoke about basketball vanished and morphed into dejection.
"That's a touchy subject," Brooklyn answered on her behalf.
"No, it's fine." Jayce looked down at her fingers. "I had to learn all about our school's sports to make it into the cheerleading squad. I, uh, got kicked out of it earlier today," she added with a sigh.
"And it wasn't even fair," Brooklyn chimed in. "The captain was just jealous of her talent. So she claimed that Jayce wasn't at the team's level."
"I'm sorry. Have you tried speaking to the other members?" I wasn't sure what else to say. I was always the worst at comforting people.
"It's not worth it. I mean, I really love sports but I don't want to be part of a team that doesn't want me." She shrugged, as she tried her best to show nonchalance.
Brooklyn patted her friend on the shoulder and nodded toward a person behind her.
"Miss us yet, Jay darling?" said the unwelcomed voice.
The intruder wore a cheerleading uniform that seemed to have been fashioned for her. The green outfit mirrored the color of her eyes and the gold and silver designs on it complemented her blonde hair beautifully.
Jayce stared at her with a passive face that did not betray any of the emotions she had shown earlier.
"No one wants to be on your team anyway, Victoria," Brooklyn shot back, defending her friend.
Victoria laughed, holding a large plastic megaphone in her hand. "Who wouldn't? We won regionals this year... again."
"Right, that was all thanks to Jayce," Brooklyn pointed out with a smirk.
Victoria's face fell but she regained her composure in a second. She shrugged as if she had suddenly lost interest in the conversation.
Her tall frame turned to Avan and she offered him a sweet smile that did not match her previous attitude.
"You've been avoiding me," she told him in a matter-of-fact tone, placing a hand on his shoulder. "We should catch up sometime."
He nodded. "Yes, of course."
"I'll hold you to that," she warned him, playfulness dancing in her green eyes.
I did know Victoria and Avan had been close friends but their proximity still surprised me. I couldn't help but gaze at her hand on his shoulder.
He didn't shake it off or glance at it, so it must have not been uncommon. I wasn't sure I liked the affection I could decipher in his eyes.
Victoria had not been my favorite person ever since the rumor that she and Avan kissed. Riley did not share my suspicions.
"They're childhood friends, Avery. Of course they're close!" She had dismissed my concerns with a simple wave of her hand.
"Sure but it's Victoria," I had replied with a sardonic smile. "She's like Cruella de Vil—well, if Cruella terrorized high school hallways."
Riley had thrown her head back in laughter like only she did. Her beautiful brown hair cascaded down her shoulders as a waterfall would. Though she laughed at the comparison, the kindness reflected in her eyes suggested that she wasn't mocking Victoria's personality along with me.
I knew she would not agree with me. After all, Riley never lingered on the superficial side of people. She truly believed everyone had a soft side, even when they decided not to show it to her.
"You don't know her. Avan does, so I will trust his judgement on that one. You know rumors mean nothing."
I did not trust rumors but I usually could not see beyond what others chose to show me of themselves.
Victoria gave me a somber nod when her eyes finally landed on me. She did not seem to know how to act around me so she quickly turned away to mask her disconcertment.
She then shifted back to Jayce and grinned. "I hope you enjoy watching us from up here. We'll be thinking of you."
She walked down the steps to join her squad on the court.
"She's unbelievable!" Brooklyn huffed, watching Victoria walk away and shooting daggers at her back. "I really do not like that girl. How did you put up with her for so long?"
"She's not as mean as she seems," Jayce simply said, waving at a boy who had just been penalized and kicked out of the practice game.
I watched the game as it neared its ending. It didn't look any more entertaining now than it did when it started but I noticed something interesting. A player going off on his own almost guaranteed failure. Not only did the isolation cause him to make uncertain shots, but the opposite team always preyed on solo players with no support.
It wasn't very different inside my head. My thoughts always seemed to take my isolation as a free pass to invade my life and snuff out the light.
If I felt that way, others probably did too and maybe breaking out of my shell would not only help me but help those around me as well.
Without giving myself the time to overthink it, I called Avan's name. I regretted it instantly when he turned around to face me, but there was nothing I could do about it now. I wished someone could have taken away my ability to speak; I was clearly not making good use of it.
"Uh, what are you doing later today?" I asked him, avoiding his gaze by keeping my eyes on the court. Who knew basketball would come in handy?
From the corner of my eyes, I noticed that his eyebrows rose slightly. I supposed that was a pretty random thing to ask.
I tried to block my ears with the strength of my mind but in spite of my efforts, they still registered his response.
"Why? Do you need me?"
"Not exactly." I cleared my throat. Quick, add something! "Do you want to hang out?"
I finally mustered the courage to look at him. The loser was smiling. How could he smile? Did he even realize how nerve-racking this whole conversation was for me?
"Yeah, let's do it," he finally answered, brushing back the black strands that had fallen over his eyes.
There was a hint of challenge in his tone like he was daring me to do it.
Just as I was about to answer, something smacked me in the face, knocking my head back into my seat.
A/N: Thank you all for reading!
The goal is to finish this book by the end of the year, but we'll see.
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-D.T. ➷