Desirée lay still on the couch, hearing and feeling Alec’s even breathing against her back. The arm around her waist felt like a band of cold steel and she could feel the panic setting in, along with the cold sweat her shame had brought on.
How could she have been so stupid? She’d let her guard down and let him in and now… what would happen now? Nothing, that’s what. He’d go back home and she’d resume her life here, feeling emptier than she had before. He’d ignited a fire in her and now that it was about to be put out, she feared she’d never grow warm again.
Damn him. She’d been doing fine without a man in her life, without sex, and then he had to go and show her what she was missing? Selfish bastard. He would move on, go back to sleeping with models and debutants and whatnot, and never spare her a second thought. And she… well, she’d still be here, taking care of her daughter and suffering the consequences of being so stupid and… oh, god… consequences… they’d had unprotected sex. Ohgodohgodohgod…
Desirée pushed at his arm as hard as she could and managed to get off the couch. She grabbed a blanket off the floor and wrapped it around herself, hurrying up the stairs and into her bathroom. She turned the shower on and didn’t bother waiting for hot water before stepping under the spray. The water was cold on her skin and she hugged herself, enduring it. She deserved to suffer for being so reckless.
When Desirée stepped out of the shower, she was numb – inside and out. She’d have to get to the pharmacy or a clinic within the next 72 hours and she could cross one thing off her list. She’d need to schedule a doctor’s appointment as well to get tested. There was no way she was asking Alec if he was clean. For all she knew, he might not even stop to ask himself whether she was on the pill or not. Now she just had to get him out of her house and as far away from her and her family as possible.
~~~
Alec woke as Desirée darted out of the living room. Not the happy awakening he’d hoped for. Did she regret it? Did she hate him even more now?
He’d been selfish, starting something with her that he wasn’t going to be able to finish. His home was in New York, and she hated the city. And even if she didn’t… Alec Grayson didn’t do commitment, and from the way Desirée had responded to his touch, he guessed she didn’t do casual sex. How long had it been for her, he wondered. He’d assumed she was involved with Zachary Steele, but… Alec shook his head as he sat up, bracing his elbows on his knees.
He’d really made a mess of things, hadn’t he? He’d gotten caught up in the moment and all thoughts of protection had gone out the window. He’d never once had unprotected sex, so why the hell would he risk it this time? She’d turned his head around completely, that’s why. He was too consumed by her to think straight. She would be on the pill, though, right? Wasn’t every woman these days? He might have lost his head in the heat of the moment, but surely Desirée Grimaud, who always showed good judgment, wouldn’t have risked getting pregnant. But she’d risked her health, a little voice whispered in his head, she didn’t know he was clean.
Alec could hear the shower turning off upstairs and he pulled on his jeans and buttoned up his shirt. He was supposed to leave today. The cab would be here to pick him up in less than an hour, he noted as he checked the time. What would he say to her? Goodbye and thanks for the food? He might actually earn himself a face punch with that line…
~~~
Desirée purposefully strode into the kitchen to get breakfast started. The taxi should arrive within the hour – she just needed to keep calm until then. He couldn’t know what she was thinking or feeling – she didn’t even know that herself, to be honest. It was best that he thought it meant as little to her as it did to him and that she wasn’t at all worried about the future.
She tensed when she heard the back door open and close and footsteps approach. He must have gone over to the guest house to pack his things – and shower. She took a deep breath and prepared for the awkwardness.
The footsteps slowed and out of the corner of her eye she could see him stopping in the doorway to observe her. She forced herself to look over with a soft smile on her lips.
“Good morning.”
“Mornin’,” he said, stepping over the threshold, approaching her cautiously.
“Coffee?” she offered before he could say anything else.
“That’d be great, thanks,” Alec said, leaning against the counter as he watched Desirée prepare breakfast. She didn’t want to talk about what happened, that much was clear. Well, what would be the point in talking about it? It happened, she may or may not regret it, and either way, he had to go back to New York.
They spent breakfast chatting lightly about the weather and air travel, and when the cab pulled up outside, Alec took a deep breath before saying his goodbyes.
“I’m glad I met you, Rae,” he said softly and kissed her chastely on the cheek. “Take care of yourself.”
“You too,” Desirée said and waved as he headed out to the awaiting car. She waited for the cab to drive off before she went back inside.
Desirée sunk to the floor as she closed the door behind her, exhaustion taking over her body. She wasn’t going to cry, she told herself. It was just a mistake, a stupid mistake. It didn’t mean anything. She was happy to see him go, relieved to be going back to the way things were before he stepped into her life. Desirée buried her face in her hands and wept.
~~~
Alec closed his eyes and leaned back in his seat as the cab drove off, leaving the Grimaud cottage behind. He was exhausted. There really was no reason for him to feel the least bit tired. He’d slept perfectly well and had done very little in the way of actual work.
Come to think of it, he hadn’t gotten any work done since he set foot in Espoire. Sure, he had a lot of leeway when it came to handling his cases, but the managing partners would not be pleased if they learned what he’d really been doing on his business trip. Not a lot of billable hours, as Harvey Grafton would say.
Alec felt like banging his head against the car window. What was he thinking, sleeping with his client’s ex-wife? And for no other reason than because he wanted her. God, he still wanted her. He wanted nothing more than to tell the cab driver to drive him back to Desirée’s cottage and spend the rest of the day making love to her, but the grumpy, swarthy man in the driver’s seat didn’t appear to speak any English.
Whoa, Alec caught himself, since when did he start thinking like a woman? They’d had sex, not made love. Preposterous idea, he scoffed inwardly. He’d clearly been away from New York for too long. He should just ask Sandra to book him that tennis match, after all. Back to sweaty bodies and steaming showers and away from home cooked meals and soft kisses. Yup, that should do the trick.
~~~
Desirée took another shower before she headed over to Colette’s house. She desperately wanted to see Juliette and hold her in her arms again, but there was something she needed to do first.
Colette was practically clapping her hands when Desirée admitted she’d fallen into bed – or onto the couch – with Alec the night before, but when she saw her friend’s distraught expression, she hugged her tight and listened patiently as Desirée got the words out.
It didn’t take many minutes after Desirée said she wanted to go to a clinic straight away that Colette was calling a neighbor to ask if they could use his car to drive into Rennes, and if he and his wife would consider babysitting for a few hours.
Colette told Desirée there were more clinics there and no-one in Espoire would have to find out, and they could pick Juliette up while they were there. Desirée hugged her friend and expressed her gratitude, to which Colette simply said, “de rien”.
~~~
“Maman!” Juliette squealed and launched herself into Desirée’s arms. Oh, how she’d missed her daughter. She’d called Zach the moment she and Colette had left the clinic, not being able to wait another minute to see her little girl.
“Ma petite,” Desirée cooed and rocked Juliette in her arms. “I’ve missed you so much. Did you have fun with tonton Zach?”
Juliette nodded vigorously and started rattling off a list of things they’d done – some words in English, some in French. Desirée met Zach’s eyes over Juliette’s head and he shrugged. “Not sure if we did all that.”
“Well, I for one am glad if you didn’t put her on a bull and send her out for a ride,” Desirée joked.
“Pony at the park, on a leash,” Zach said. “But there might have been a book we read about a bull who thought he was a pony.”
“Thank you again,” Desirée said to Zach. “Come on, Juliette, Colette is waiting in the car.”
“Hey, why don’t you invite her up?” Zach suggested. “I was just going to fix some dinner. I’ll order three pizzas instead of two,” he coaxed.
“Well, I’ll see if Colette can stay…” Desirée bit her lip. “I’m sure she’ll want to get back to her baby.”
“You and Juliette can always stay over, if you like,” Zach shrugged. “I’ll drive the two of you home tomorrow.”
Desirée considered Zach’s offer. Going back to an empty house right now, even if it was with Juliette, might make her crumble. And she needed to talk to Zach. She knew he was concerned why she went to a clinic in the first place.
“Okay, I’ll ask,” she nodded and got out her cell phone to call Colette. As suspected, Colette was eager to get home to her baby girl, and Desirée thanked her for all her help and said she’d stay in Rennes for the night.
“Lave tes mains,” Desirée said to Juliette when the pizzas arrived. “We’re having dinner in a minute.”
“I guess I’ll go wash my hands, too, then,” Zach smiled. “I’m starving.”
“Hey…” she halted him with a hand on his arm. “Thank you… for everything.”
“My pleasure,” Zach smiled. “You know I love her like my own.”
“I know,” Desirée smiled and squeezed his arm.
“I bet you were relieved to finally see that big city lawyer gone, huh?” Zach said as they walked into the kitchen and Desirée felt a knot form in her stomach.
“Zach…”
“Maman! Regarde!” Juliette came running up to her, holding her hands up for inspection. Yup, clean.
“Very good, chérie,” she ruffled the girl’s hair. “Go on, take a seat.”
~~~
After Juliette had gone to bed, Desirée and Zach stayed up talking.
“I’m scared, Zach,” she admitted. “I don’t know if I caught something, and the doctor said he couldn’t schedule an appointment until three weeks from now.”
“You know, you could just ask him, Rae,” Zach said patiently.
“Non!” Desirée said adamantly. “I will not… degrade myself like that. I don’t need to have my foolishness rubbed in my face by him. As far as he’s concerned, I’m just another one of his one-night-stands and…” Desirée felt the tears burning behind her eyes but she swallowed hard, refusing to let them spill. “It’s over. We don’t need to have anything to do with each other now.”
“Not to add coal to the fire, here, Rae,” Zach said tentatively, “but you do know that those morning-after pills aren’t foolproof?”
“They have to work, Zach,” Rae said. “Alec Grayson is out of my life for good.”
Once she was alone in Zach’s guestroom, Desirée looked at herself in the mirror. She looked miserable. Her hands went to her stomach, absently rubbing the non-existent bump. She did the right thing, she told herself. It was best to take precautions. This way she wouldn’t have to face a much more difficult decision later on. There wouldn’t be anything to tie her to Alec in any way. Exhausted, she crawled into bed and pulled the covers over her head so Juliette wouldn’t hear her weep.
~~~
Alec had a headache when he stepped off the plane at JFK. It wasn’t made better by the crowded and dank tunnels leading him towards customs. He felt bad for the many tourists waiting in line to enter the country. At least he was in the priority lane…
His suitcase was small enough to pass as a carry-on, and as soon as he’d passed customs, he hailed a cab to take him to his apartment. He needed a shower and a good night’s sleep if he was going to deal with the fallout of his failed business trip in the morning.
It felt odd, being surrounded by people speaking words he could understand and feeling the quick pace of the city while he himself seemed to be sleepwalking. He nodded a greeting to his doorman and then took the elevator up to his apartment.
Cold and sterile. That was the first thought that popped into his head as he walked into the apartment. His cleaning lady had been there and it smelled faintly of cleaning products. Which products he had no idea, and didn’t really care to find out. As he shrugged out of his jacket and poured himself a drink, he pondered what a contrast his apartment was to Desirée’s little cottage and found himself wishing for a fire in the fireplace and a warm woman in his arms. He shook his head and blamed his nonsensical thoughts on jetlag. A good long shower and some sleep would clear his head right up, he told himself as he made his way towards the bathroom.