The only person is standing in your way
is you
-The Black Swan
________________________________________________
The day of destine had finally come to the end. The pathetic waiting was over. It was the last category of the event, the ballet category.
Nile was all set, waiting for the final procedure to get to the stage and show the judges her best blazing performance. Standing in front of the mirror, she's watching her intensively riveting picture that the mirror screamed.
Her flexible torso was wrapping up with all black fabrics. The muslin fabric was hugging her upper reign perfectly. With a sweetheart shaped neckline the upper part was overspread with netted fabrics that ended up right on her wrists and convolutedly attached with silver rings on her both middle fingers. The supported hoop engulfed her lean waist, which was made with lightweight tulle fabric, over nine to ten layers almost. Her parallel legs were rucked up with black transparent leggings.
A ballerina's head is always simply styled with a simple ballerina bun. The only accessory that added the fancy was the black tiara with seven sparkling gems on the spiked cusps, fencing her flat bun powerfully.
Her hickory eyes were painted theatrically dark. Creating two onyx wings across the eyes area with smudged black shades a bit which made it look more of a black swan's dramatic eyes.
After all Mrs. Park wanted to represent her as a black swan. Perfect but rigid, rare but impetuous, special but tangled.
🍂
"Are we done Nile?"
"Not yet."
Hobi was holding the hoop ring while my body was still flipped vertically, legs were wrapped around the aerial silk tightly. I knew he didn't know the aerial dance regulations so much, yet I charged him with this as a punishment.
As I was coming down I could see his tired state. His heart shaped lips glistening along with his delicate sweating neck under the one single spotlight, caused my heart skipped it's beats thoroughly. But the sweats on his neck reminded me of the terrific incident and right then the temper broke through out.
Jealousy and rage lost the little mercy as they kept knocking out my veins. I immediately flipped over and sat on the barrel. With instant I wrapped my legs around his hips and pulled him closer to mine.
My sudden action surprised him. He was so well aware of the reason behind my aggressive behavior. Despite knowing the reason, his surprised aura replaced with a quirky smirk within a second, which made me angrier than before as I grabbed him by the collar and pulled closer. To the point where our faces were inched away.
"Okay, it was just a sensual dance-" He started.
"Ah I see, just a sensual dance it was." I mocked his words with gritting teeth. He pursed his lips before adding another file of temper to rise up my fury once more.
"It was one of the part of the choreography." He defeatingly reiterated.
"Oh, one of the part of the choreography," I gripped the collar more firmly, "Where that chick was touching your neck while licking her butthole like lips as if you weren't her dance partner but sure a sex partner and couldn't wait to get your dick inside her fucking hole!" I grasped through my extreme wrath. He sighed defeatingly and hung his head low hearing my as usual pathetic curses.
"She wasn't," He looked up, "It was the theme of the choreography which is why she had to feel the intersection, so did I." He was trying to convince me but there the stubborn head I was.
"Ohhh she wasn't, how could you say that? Did you check her soaked panties huh?" I growled at him and he was literally tolerating my greasy jealousy with his eyes closed so patiently. He released another sigh before opening his eyes and gazed into mine softly. They were so calm, calm enough to sedate my wild ocean waves like rage.
"What?" I confusedly asked.
"You're so cute." He wrinkled an adorable smile before pinching my cheeks and threw his body on the wooden ground.
"I'm so tired babe." He lazily groaned from there. His carefree attitude never let me think straight when I'm in full of outrage. I got more confused and angrier as I carried myself to him and sat on his abdomen propped up my bending knees against the floor of his either side.
"Aish! Have you gained some weight or something?" He mimicked mischievously.
"I'm still mad Hobi and you're still making fun of it!" I shouted sitting in the same position and crossed my arms before my chest.
He rested his head in his palms as the soft gleamy smile never left his lips and I grew more tempted and impatient. He always had that tranquility that kept me sane. Still I tried to act tough.
Instead taking me serious he crisped a chuckle then pulled me by the arms as I hovered over him with a puzzling look. My hair gently fell on his either side. He moved a strand off of my face and tucked it behind my ear. The igniting fire of mine slowly putting off by his warm caressing.
"Nile, Have you ever wanted to be a swan? A beautiful swan, with soaring wings?"
His sudden unrelated question caused my brows quaked as my reflectors urged him to explain.
"A ballerina's spirit animal is a swan. And it demonstrates when they dance." His voice so serene and deep, his dark umber eyes drew me in with a slow motion. I was intrigued by his words. My eyelashes fluttered.
"Can you see mine when I do?" I slowly leaned into him catching his each inhalations brushed against my face.
"Mhmm, you got the black swan dwelling inside you. Just," His sharp whisper paused and I held my breath.
"Just what?" I anxiously awaited.
"Just the wings don't soar."
🍂
"OH MY GOD Nile! Look at YOUUU!" A high pitched sound pierced through Nile's illustrated mind. She almost jumped up by the uninvited noise.
"You look, BEAUTIFUL!" Mei quickly made her way across Nile while gasping with drastic excitement.
"Thanks Mei." Her pure praise brought a timid smile on Nile's face but her mind suddenly fell into a fight, a fight against the unexpectedly increasing volatility. She didn't know what it was but this sudden weird feeling was apprehensive which was so hard for her to wash it right away.
Her sudden change didn't cross Mei's consideration. Holding her arms Mei gazed into her eyes, tried to figure out what was bothering her friend.
"Nile, what happened?"
Nile saw the worry cascading over her friend's features as she eagerly waited for her to spill.
"Mei," Nile spoke up, "Do-do you think, I can do it? I can win the crest? I won't disappoint anyone, right?" Nile replaced her hands on Mei's arms and shook them a bit. Anxiety filled with her every retorts that seemed so unfamiliar to Mei.
Never in a million times she had ever seen her nervous like this. For a moment she stared at her in disbelief.
"Are you really the Nile I know, or someone-"
"Stop being so dramatic Mei I'm serious."
"I'm not being dramatic. I'm just, you know, I'm not used to your nervous composure. I'm used to the Nile who is always being hella confident and brave. That's why I'm trying to digest your sudden weird conduct." Mei pointed at her tensed posture.
The speech was simply true but enough heavy to made her go freeze on the spot. Those simple words knocked her wavering faith. She put her hands on the table looking into nothing. Her brows drowsing in complexity. True, she never felt an ounce of nervousness before or during any competitions throughout her entire career. Then why suddenly this unknown nervousness was striking out every now and then? What's wrong with her?
Her eyes scrunched up into the core, not understanding what's going on with her mind. Why it was functioning elusively? Mei noticed the anxiousness washing over Nile's face. She thought maybe it was the big event that made her all nervous or maybe, she was missing Hobi's presence too much. She innerly scolded herself to make Nile feel that way which she shouldn't do at that moment. Shaking her head she held her again.
"Nile, it's okay, relax. You gonna make it, I believe in you, we all believe in you. That's why Mrs. Park chose you. Did you forget what she told? Only you have the potential to make it, then why worry?" Nile looked up at her through the complexion whirling inside her head and mind all over. Mei tried her best to make her friend feel better, not to make her doubt her own skills.
"Nile, forget the perfection, forget the crest. Present the real ballerina you are, show them what you really are." Her grip got more firmed as she tried to erase Nile's temporary languish, tried to increase the vital determination she actually contained within her soul.
Nile could see the stimulation in Mei's eyes. She nodded her head accordingly as a slow smile worked it's way across her face yet the fire that she harboured, it was constantly shadowing. She didn't know why but not dared to show it to her, to anyone, and it's eating her away.
Mei relished a sweet smile before leaving Nile in the changing room for a while. As soon as she left the agitation snapped at her confidence once again. Something was blocking her energy, her willpower. She tried to think briskly what it was that she couldn't figure out? Was it love that she fell behind? Was it the consequences of her wrong deeds?
Her mind and brain was in wage war as if they were going to explode in any minute. She felt like burying her face into her palms so badly but failed seeing the perfectly fitted portrait on the mirror. Her eyes suddenly widened, a lump formed in her throat as she tried to gulp it down along the dreadful statement that was made once a long before. Why her wings never soared?
•••••
"Woah woah easy there." Jimin uttered a low yelp as he was whiskly dragging by Mei in a less crowded place behind the backstage.
"Where is Hobi?" Mei asked in hurry.
"Home." He casually replied without looking back at her. Now it was her time to get disappointed.
"Why? Didn't you try to convince him to come over here?"
"Convince? Huh! Trust me I tried to contact with hyung but his cellphone said sorry." He scoffed defeatedly and stuffed his hands into the pockets.
"What?" Knowing him not coming moreover switching his phone off at the time like this, Mei grew outrageous. She frustratingly put her hands on her hips.
"It's just a simple tit for tat Mei. She didn't come yesterday then why would he? That's illogical." Jimin leashed out turning away his gaze.
"That's not illogical Jimin, that's bullshit!" She hurled back.
"Oh yeah? Then why did she always expect him to come up to her at the first place huh? Isn't that bullshit?" He nearly yelled at her that caused her flinch. Though he didn't want to but he knew what his friend had been going through all this time and it undeniably hurt him in his regards.
"It needs two hands to build a bond, but one is enough to break the thread so easily. She deserves this Mei. Now you buy it or not. And stop pouring water on dead seeds." His stinging true words hurt her but she couldn't deny them completely. Despite that, there was a slight hope of light that was still lingering somewhere.
"They are not dead seeds," she said under her breath and stared up at him, "they're just concealed."
•••••
With the lethal knife pointes on, Nile was ready to be lifted up. And with one, two and finally three, the event management staffs helped her to stand up on the sharp blades smoothly. The nylon rope was finely enclosed around her waist with a strong hook which tightly binded with one of the aluminum bar up at the rigging. The rigging rose up to almost 30 meter high from the stage floor.
Nile's mind was still cloudy. She didn't even know if she was going to win the competition or not. It seemed harder the second she realized the real botheration and since then it kept hitting her on the back of her head and heart constantly. Though she managed to cover the afflictions from everyone's eyes, especially Mrs. Park's. But would she be able to cover them up during the performance? Her narrowly eyes laid on the deep red curtain.
How weird! There was a time when she always being cheered up by one familiar voice, warmed up by the one pair of heedful eyes through the sea of the crowd. Now it was a great agony to watch herself suffering through just not to get cheered up by the person that all she needed to feel confident enough to step on the stage. It wasn't weird, it was somehow meant to be happened one way or another and it was wrecking her inner peace, dimming down the ignition she had.
•••••
"Only two minutes Mrs. Park." The event manager cautioned her politely to get it done very quick. Making her way to Nile she gestured him a fauxed nod before standing in front of Nile and looked skyward at the living art she impelled. Nile's dishevelled mind perked up feeling an appearance before her.
"You're looking splendid!" She proudly beamed, checking her special disciple from head to toe.
"I know it's going to be you my love!" She emphasized excitedly.
Nile exerted a small smile at her. Her mind started to reminisce the words that Hobi told her in the ballet hall. Was she really getting used by her own paragon? She could feel the unrestrained gratification displaying over Mrs. Park. She was overjoyed, isn't that too much? Or she's overthinking?
Well, it is very conventional to get overjoyed and proud of one's beloved students as a coach. But why there was a rush on her esteem more than usual? As if she was way too sure about the outcome. There wasn't a flick of tension could be seen on her face. And these all made Nile feel abstractly deceived and betrayed by the passing second.
And just like Nile, Mrs. Park was too excited and blind to see the glimpse of nervousness on her beloved pick.
"You really portrayed the black swan itself so perfectly. Rare and very special!" She looked deeper into her eyes and continued.
"All you have to do is now, bring your blockages down to your knees whichever has held you back all this time. Face them! Express your feelings Nile! Surprise yourself! Let your wings fly so high!" Her arousing voice was like revolting storm that was quite able to pull out Nile from her drowning languid procession, finally. She abruptly gulped down the raw never taking her eyes off of Mrs. Park's fiery irises.
Hence, it was always been her, who was her own resistance.
Mrs. Park acquainted her with a last wish before coming across the west prompt corner of the stage carrying the wide smile. She intertwined her fingers with an overly excited shoulders. She could see the curtain started to fall off slowly as the whole gallery becoming darker by the seconds and the only spotlight contrasting the black swan's figure.
"Now, no one can stop me."
"I will."
Mrs. Park jolted by the sudden abruption. She whiskly turned back. The unwanted sight caused her eyes bawling out from the core.
"Mingyu!" She gasped.
"Long time no see, old friend." The intruder flashed a sinister grin as she placing herself beside Me. Park, folded her arms before her chest.
"Let's watch together. How your hot headed fire just fall on the floor and ruin you!" She faked a pout which couldn't be reassembled less than any terrorizing threat. Cold sweats began to spring up across her spinal cord.
"And how the vacant stage get tinted in all blood!"
🍂