You hadn't thought about it in months when you finally were getting over it, suddenly came back, all the memories, good and bad, all the euphoria, when everything was angelic, when it was cruel, when suddenly it was radiant, then turned violent, and ended up being painful. When you gave up on it because you could not take it anymore.
-
Your family was the typical kook one, you grew up in a life full of luxury, you got everything you wanted due to your mum's richness.
Sarah and you were best friends since you were born and his brother was your boyfriend practically since both of you learned that word. The Cameron's and your family had everything arranged between you two, Rafe and you were supposed to be together for the rest of your lives, he was going to take care of his dad's company, the next step would be getting married, travel around the world, having lots of beautiful kids and live happily ever after.
-
2008
It was your 5th birthday party, all your friends were there and you felt extremely happy with the big amount of presents you had received from them all. You were not the typical little girl your parents desired you to be, you had begged for them to let "Pirates of the Caribbean" be the theme, you hadn't really seen the movies but you loved pirates! Rafe and you would always pretend you were them in his dad's yacht because Sarah did not like them at all, you couldn't understand how it was so fun! Your friend would lend you one of his plastic swords and play the whole afternoon. The best part was that you always won, but now, many years after, looking back at it Rafe was probably letting you win. However, your mum forced you to make your party about Cinderella, you hate princess but especially Cinderella, there wasn't a reason for it, you just did.
Weeks before you had told the little boy your birthday was going to be about pirates and he was so excited about it, you babble about it for days, so when Rafe arrived at your house with his family and saw all the princess decorations and the angry but yet sad face you had on, he instantly understood what was going on, you both were little but very smart for your age, plus he had sympathy for you due to his similar family conditions.
Everyone but you and him enjoyed the celebration, the young man and you stayed together in a corner of your backyard playing alone. Rafe picked up two small branches and played as you were pirates like you would usually do, he knew that was what you really wanted at that moment.
When it was time to blow the candles you looked at your sky blue and pink cake, wishing it had Jack Sparrow's face on it, Rafe smiled at you and you smiled back at him. Everyone sang the typical song, you blew the candles and buried three of your little fingers into the cake, thinking of three wishes.
being a pirate
playing as pirates with Rafe
Sarah wanting to play as pirates with you two
-
2010
It was almost summer and you were really excited about all the little adventures Rafe and you were going to have in the next months.
You felt so much older, your first year of primary school was over and it had been great! Even though Sarah was not hanging out with you as much as she was before; you had the hope of playing with her more now that you had nothing else to do.
Those weeks were great, you almost didn't see your girl best friend, but her brother and you were getting closer and closer as days went by. Rafe always protected you from everything and made you laugh a lot, he was funny.
Summer '10 was lovely, one of your favorites memories of you and the boy happened during that time, your first kiss. You didn't really count it as the very first kiss, but you had to admit that, at that time, for you was even more than what it actually was.
It was an extremely warm day and you invited Rafe over to play in the fort you both had made in your backyard, right where years before you were pretending to be pirates while your birthday party was going on inside the house. He was 'building' a table as you made mud cakes.
"Look at the cake i made for us!" you abruptly shouted, thing that scared Rafe, but he didn't let you notice because the last thing he wanted was for you to make fun of him.
"It looks delicious y/n, we should eat it!" he said, excitement on his face while sitting beside you.
"ARE YOU CRAZY RAFE?" you were shocked, the drama queen in you was starting to jump out, "IT'S MADE OF DIRT THAT'S DISGUSTING!" you looked at him, terrorized by what the little boy was saying.
"i- i- i wasn't serious, i- i just thought you'd like me to say that" he was so embarrassed.
"oh, i'm sorry" you apologized to him.
There was silence for a few seconds, it wasn't uncomfortable so you didn't mind about it.
"wanna know what Sarah made me do?"
"mmmm, maybe"
"she made me watch 'The Princess And The Frog', TWO TIMES" he sounded so mad, "and then she told me that Topper kissed her" he looked at you, you were not understanding why he was telling you this, but before you could talk; he continued, "and i was thinking that may- maybe we can d- do it too" you opened your eyes wide open, kissing him? like in the mouth?
"i- in- the mouth?"
"yeah, i mean, that's what she told me" you stared into his eyes, trying to figure out if he was just messing with you or was actually serious about it.
"uhm, i guess so?"
"you do?" he had a frown formed in his face.
"if that's what you want to" he nodded with a smirk on his lips.
You both turned and were now facing each other, without an idea of what to do you followed him, he started to lean forward and you did too, he closed his eyes and you did as well, and after what felt like an eternity but was actually almost four seconds, your lips touched his; ending up in a little pecked kiss.
After that day neither you nor Rafe talked about it again, it was like it never happened, which, at your really short age, was normal.
This year your family and you decided not to celebrate your birthday due to your grandma passing away two weeks before, it didn't feel right for them. At seven years old it was hard to fully understand what death was, you had heard about it but never experienced it before. Rafe felt really bad about it and on the day you finally turned seven he went to your house and spent it with you, so that way, you would not feel as lonely.
-
2012
Rafe was starting to change, he did not want to play with you anymore and that made you sad and upset. Your mom told you it was normal for boys to not hang out with girls once they grew up, but that wasn't him, it didn't felt like him. You never thought that the boy who was your best friend, the only kid you really enjoyed being around, especially after Sarah hang with more friends that were not you, would leave you alone.
You started to search for fun on other stuff and found that you loved to read stories about wonderful adventures, and when you finished every single book in your house about the topic, you started to flip through the pages of some old books regarding birds and insects, you were amazed by the stunning draws and colors of them and wanted to make your own.
For your ninth birthday you decided to do an exchange, it was difficult to convince your parents but they finally gave in, instead of a party you wanted them to give you a pretty journal with some color pencils. That way you would have your own investigation diary about those interesting creatures you were obsessed about.
Summer had ended and school season started, you and your little notebook were inseparable, you took it with you to class and spent all the recess doing little notes about birds you had seen during the day so when you arrived home you could search and learn about them.
One cold winter night, your dad told you that the Cameron's were coming home to have dinner, you couldn't wait for them to arrive, maybe that was the moment you had the opportunity to befriend Sarah again and show Rafe all the information you had collected during the months you didn't hang out. But they never appeared, their parents had gone but not them, Sarah was not feeling well and Rafe was sleeping over at a friend's house.
-
2014
Sarah was talking to you! you were friends again and there was no way you would not see each other every single day.
Spending every minute of the day over at her house was completely normal at that point. You two hanging out again made your families closer.
It was like your parents didn't care at all you were just a pair of ten years old, almost eleven, kids.
Rafe would always try to be with his sister and you whenever you were around at their house, but Sarah would just scream at him 'LEAVE US ALONE!' which ended in him giving up and walking away. It was sad, you missed spending time with the boy.
2014 was the year you turned eleven, and also had your first period. Everyone was so excited about that and you just hated it, with your whole heart, it made you want to cry every single time. Due to that, your body started to change, and boys started to notice it, including Rafe.
-
2016
The year it all started.
It was your thirteenth birthday and you did not felt like doing a big party, that night the Cameron's and your family went to a restaurant. Sarah, Rafe, and you were talking about what you were going to do the next week while Wheezie just listened. Finally, the boy and you were good friends again. When the food arrived you all shut up and started eating while paying attention to what your parents were talking about.
"oh yeah, of course, they are definitely getting married at some point," Ward said to what your father nodded.
"it's the best for them" this time your mom spoke.
"of course it is!" Rose laughed, "he will be taking care of the family business, they are going to have a splendid life together"
"Who are you talking about?" Rafe got into the conversation.
"we are talking about you silly!" you looked at your mom, not understanding what was going on.
"wha- what?" Rafe was just as surprised as Sarah and you were.
"yeah kid, we are talking about yours and y/n's future together" Ward stated as taking a piece of meat to his mouth.
"what exactly do you mean?" you stepped in this time.
"what you heard kid, your future life, your marriage, and all" your dad said as if it was the most normal thing to say to a thirteen-year-old.
"their marriage?!" Sarah was furious, you could notice it in her voice tone, Rafe and you stared at each other.
"you just are too young to realize yet" Rose brushed it off. None of you talked for the rest of the night.
Just a few months after that, your dad and Ward had already made a reservation for you two at the exact same restaurant. When you arrived you saw Rafe already there in a table positioned in a corner. Now looking back at it, everything was so fucked up, you were just kids. You approached him and sat, he smiled at you while you did.
"hi", he said, shyly, of course. It was really weird, you both had been alone before but never this way, this was completely different, your families were hoping that you turned this into something romantic. "Are we on a date right now?".
"i think so?" you laughed a little bit, "please, don't make this awkward, i don't get why they do this".
"i do" he said, you looked at him with a confused face, was he agreeing with all of this? "i mean, i can see why they want us to be together" after that he took a sip of his soda and started serving you some.
"Rafe, you should be allowed to 'date' whoever you wanted"
"And what happens if who i wanna date is you?" you were shocked at your friend's words.
"Rafe what are you talking about? i just turned thirteen and you are about to turn fourteen, you like it or not we are kids" you were a little bit mad due to what he was saying.
"well, Juliet was thirteen and Romeo was around that age"
"Rafe you did- you did not just compare us to Romeo and Juliet, have you read the book?"
"no, i did not"
"THEY DIE, THEY DIE AT THE END" you knew you were making this a lot bigger than it actually was but didn't care about it, "of course you didn't read the book" you whispered but he heard.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" now that you're remembering everything you can't believe that a pair of thirteen years old could be so dramatic.
"I MEAN WHAT I SAID," you said while leaning over the table.
"you know what, why don't we shut up and finish with this as fast as we can, i don't want to be here" Rafe proposed.
"sounds perfect to me, i do not want to be here too"
Either of you spoke again until you had had dinner and Ward picked you two up.
-
2018 / 2019
In the past two years, Rafe and you had finally got together. Your parents were over the moon about it and you were also really happy. You both were discovering and experiencing together what being in a relationship was.
The first months were a little bit strange, you both knew that it was not a real relationship, for everyone else you were together, but in reality, you hadn't had that many kisses as you thought you were supposed to have and outside school didn't see each other that much.
Summer '18 the Cameron's took you with them on their holidays to the Bahamas, it was amazing, not just because Rafe and you spent a lot of time together but also because you got to hang more with Sarah who you were not seeing a lot since it all started, and the reason was that whenever you went to their house you were with her brother, and they definitely didn't get along that much.
Unfortunately, the 'real' part began in 2019, you and Rafe turned sixteen and started going to parties and being more around of what people called 'pogues'. During the school year, it was like a daydream, he picked you up and went together, you had lots of dates and spent beautiful moments together, those were the times when your relationship was at it's highest, where you realized that, after all, maybe your parents were right and your destiny was, indeed, be together.
Your favorite moment from that time in your life was with him. You both were laying in the grass of your house's backyard, it was really cold outside, and decided to take some blankets with you to be warm. You were laying in his chest while he hugged you, appreciating the stars. He pressed a kiss to your head and you smiled to yourself.
"wanna know something?" you looked up to him.
"pretty boy is thinking! someone please record this!" you said, just to annoy him.
"shut up" he laughed, knowing you were messing with him, "you want to know or no baby?" he asked, a more serious tone on his voice.
"of course i want to know" you took his hand into yours, the warmness made you shiver, to what he hugged you harder.
"i read on the internet that you can buy stars online, maybe one day i'll buy you one and name it Rafe so whenever you wanna get rid of me you would not be able to" the boy started swinging you side to side in a slow speed, you'd never felt that peaceful in your life before.
Once again you looked at him "that's a little bit wicked of you" he giggled, "however, i think that would be the most divine present someone could ever give to me" he backed down his head and kissed your cheek, "and also, i'm never getting rid of you" you could feel him smiling while pressing his chin against the side of your head.
That was the last happy time you genuinely can remember at perfection.
You still don't know what happened when summer '19 arrived, it was the breaking point of your relationship. Parties at the beach were being held by pogues most of the time, and you never went because partying was not your thing, all of them ended up in disaster, pure and authentic disaster. You are grateful the only one you went to was the first one. Rafe was extremely drunk and you were trying to take care of him but it was being hard, especially when Topper got into a really intense fight with JJ and John b, two of the few pogues you knew, it was tragic and it got worse when the blonde one pulled a gun at Sarah's boyfriend head, while all that happened you lost Rafe and found him after like five minutes beating up someone that was on the ground, barely moving. You ran towards him and with all your straighten you push him.
"YOU'RE KILLING HIM RAFE!" you yelled at your boyfriend, when you finally got to see him he was covered in blood, you took him by his hand and got out of there, arriving at your house where you helped him clean up himself.
"i think i'm in love with you" he tried to say but was too drunk to pronounce the words properly.
"don't start with that now when you almost killed a random guy tonight, for what? explain" you were furious.
"'cause he is a pogue, he deserves it y/n" you both walked to your bed and laid down to sleep.
"no he doesn't Rafe, that's not an excuse for what you did, they are people just like us" you scolded him.
"whatever" he ignored you.
Some time after that Sarah started to see John B behind Topper's back and she asked you to keep her secret safe, which you did.
At midsummers Rafe escorted you, it was a fantastic night, you two were together the whole time and drank lots of expensive champagne while you danced. The pride on your dad's face was priceless, in that moment you forgot about what had happened a few nights before and just enjoyed the moment, smiling at your boyfriend, always.
"you wanna know something?" Rafe whispered in your ear while you danced to a slow song, his hands on your waist and yours behind his neck.
"mmm, this brings back good memories" you smiled to the handsome man in front of you.
"i love you"
"i love you too Rafe"
"let me finish pretty girl" you laughed a little bit, "please stop smiling like that, i'm not sure what will happen if you keep doing that" this time your laugh was stronger, getting some looks from people around you.
"i'm just really happy right now, wouldn't want to be anywhere else" you hugged him without stop moving.
"i know, me too"
A few minutes after he disappeared, and you did not have an excuse to stay so you went home. The next day you found out he was trying to beat up the blonde pogue, JJ.
You don't really know why but for some reason it went away and everything was perfect again, but it only lasted a few days.
You were really bored at your house and after contemplating whether you should or shouldn't go to the Cameron's house, you got into your car and drove around the few blocks that separated your house from Rafe's. You knew his parents were out of town that day and Sarah was probably hanging out with John B and his friends so you didn't bother on knocking and just got in. You heard your boyfriend's voice from the downstairs bathroom. Once you got into it you saw his clothes on the floor and he was applying toothpaste to his arm.
"Rafe?" he looked at you scared.
"y/n- i- i" he was crying, you directed your eyes to his arm, a huge new burnt was there.
"Rafe what happened?" you got closer to him, "is that blood?" you pointed at the clothes on the floor.
"no", he denied it but it obviously was blood.
"Rafe, what's going on?"
"i- i got into a fight" ha answered.
"with who? baby who did this?" you helped him with his injury.
"Barry" but as soon as you heard that name you pulled away.
"Barry? as the drug dealer Barry?" he didn't even look at you, "Rafe are you doing drugs?" completely ignored you, and when he did that you figured out the answer, "how much do you owe him?" you asked, one hand on you waist and the other one on the bathroom door.
"some thousands" your jaw almost touched the floor, and your face was full of disappointment and anger. "don't look at me like that" he begged, and tried to grabbed you and pulled you closer to him but you just pulled him away.
"DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT? THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?" he didn't reply "FUCK RAFE, THOUSANDS? YOU OWED THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO A DRUG DEALER AND YOU EXPECT ME TO STAY CALM?"
"i can explain."
"NO YOU CAN'T, WHAT? TOPPER AND YOU GOT BORED OF THE STUPID WEED AND WANTED TO TRY SOMETHING STRONGER? WHAT DID YOU BUY? COKE? NOW YOUR HOBBY IS BUY THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS ON COKE? THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO EXPLAIN TO M-"
"GET OUT" he screamed to your face as he got closer to your body, while pointing to the door, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY DAMN HOUSE" you looked at him and turned away, walking towards the door and he didn't follow you.
"HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE RAFE" you screamed without closing the door.
After that you didn't see him in a long time, you didn't go out of your house anymore.
You heard that Sarah and John B were missing, you missed her. You had no one to talk to, just your own thoughts.
A few weeks later, everything came out to the light, Ward went to jail for killing John B's dad and being kinda responsible for another poor man's death.
Rafe confessed that it had been him the one who shot the detective, but they found out about his drug addiction and blamed it on that, so he ended up going to rehabilitation and not directly to jail.
-
2021
It was your eighteenth birthday, Sarah was coming to your house to keep you company until your parents got out of work.
As you were walking towards the kitchen the doorbell rang.
"hi" you said as opening the door.
"hello, is this y/n?" the man in front of you asked while reading your name from a box.
"that would be me" you said, and after signing some papers he gave you the package.
You placed it on the table and started opening it. It seemed like a picture frame, when you paid attention to it, tears fell from your eyes, there was a little letter on it.
i did not name it after me, i realized that you were, are, and always will be the big star that keeps me going. I hope you know how much i miss you and regret everything i did, maybe one day you'll forgive me and love me again. I took that for granted and i'm so sorry of that. happy eighteen birthday y/n, i expect you still think this is the most divine present someone could ever give you.
- Rafe
It was a star, he had bought a star and named it after you, Rafe kept his promise, and even though you had said to yourself, just the night before, you will move on and forget about him, you couldn't help but smile; wishing you could re-do everything and go back to what it was that night from a few years before.