Adam's pov
Its because of you she is dead. It's your fault
I drank another glass of wine as her words kept repeating itself in my mind
"Forgiveness? You think you deserve forgiveness. You think you deserve my forgiveness after you fucking killed my child"
For years I have blamed myself for losing both my loves, but tonight, after hearing those words from Sabrina's mouth, something within me broke.
She was right. She was absolutely right. And that is why I hated myself
I kept drinking to try to numb the agony within myself. But no matter what, it didn't end
The agony of losing her all over again. The agony of letting her walk away once again.
It was at this moment my phone rang. Immediately I picked it up, wondering it might be Sabrina but I was fairly disappointed when the voice in the phone did not belong to her
"Adam. I've sent you some files. Didn't you check them?" questioned Julia
"I...I've been busyy. Very veryyy busy"
"Is everything alright?"
I started laughing at her question. How can everything possibly be alright
"Adam. Why are you laughing?"
"Nothing's alright. Everything is ruined. All by me"
"Adam what do you..."
"I let her go. She went. She left. I'll always be alone now"
"Wait. I'm coming over. I'm worried"
With that she cut the call, leaving me in complete silence once more.
----
Surely enough she came to my house, the house which felt empty now due to Sabrina's absence
"Adam. You are drunk. What's wrong?" She asked after seeing my sitting on the ground infront of the fire place
"Everything," I spoke, gulping down one more drink
But she immediately snatched the glass from my hand not letting me drink anymore
"Give it back"
"No. You have already drunk enough. You won't drink anymore "
"I could fire you, you know," I sneered
"I know. But you won't. Because you are not cruel. And I'm only here to try to help you"
"Not cruel? What do you even know about me?"
"I don't. I don't know enough. That's why I am here. Tell me Adam. Tell me what's bothering you. I can help"
I laughed as she said that
"Nobody can help me"
"Let me try," she said, sitting besides me.
I turned to look at her. Her skin was clear while Sabrina's has small red spots around her cheeks. Her eyes were a light brown while Sabrina's was deep blue. Everything about her was different from my Bree. But somehow her being besides me reminded me of Bree
"Adam," she said, placing her hand on mine
"You told me that I was your friend. So let me help you. Please"
I gulped as she said that. Somehow my vision got blurry as tears filled my eyes
"She...My Sabrina. She left. And she won't come back. Ever"
"Adam. Why did she leave?"
"Because I hurt her. Because she deserves better than me."
"Adam..."
"Don't. Don't pity me. You should hate me. Like she does. I hurt her. And I...I hurt my daughter"
"Daughter?"
"Yes. My daughter. My little Hope. Who is gone because of me"
Julia didn't say anything after I said that. She was probably disgusted with me too after I said that
"Yes. That's right. I am the reason why my daughter isn't alive today."
"I...is this why she was hurt all this time. Is this why she left?"
"Yes. This is the reason she tried to kill herself two years back. And this is the reason she left now"
"How...what do you mean you are the reason your daughter..."
If it was any other time, I would be angry at her for prying. But tonight, I just needed someone to talk to. So I told her everything. I told her about the fight. I told her about Hope being born premature. And I told her about her condition. And then I told her about her death. When I was done, she was completely stunned by my words.
She was quite for a long time. And when she finally spoke, I didn't expect her words at hell.
"Adam. When I was twelve my dad passed away"
"I'm sorry. I didn't know"
"It's okay. I just. He used to travel a lot for work. And he used to be away from home for many days. It was by birthday. And...and he was still at work. I was crying. I told him that if he didn't make it to my birthday, I would never talk to him. He tried to explain. But I...I was so angry that I told him he was the worst father ever," she paused a while after that.
I didnt say anything to this, to let her continue
"He...he was obviously upset with my words. Where he was working, it was a drive of 6 hours from our home. And it was raining alot that day. But he didn't care. He started driving back home, but...due to the rain, he...he had an accident. And he didn't make it"
"For years, I blamed myself. I blamed myself for him dying."
"It was not your fault "
"I know that now. But it took a long time for to accept it. I didn't know he would have an accident. I didn't know he would die. I just wanted my dad with me. What I'm trying to say here is, our death, it's prewritten. You were angry that time and you didnt know Hope would be born this way. You didn't know that this would cause her to die. You didn't want any of this. There are so many babies born at the right time with the same condition. So many babies who die even before they are born. But we can't blame their death on someone."
"But I..."
"Look Adam. I get Sabrina. I totally understand why she left. It was her child she lost. The child that was a part of her. And you are somewhat at fault. Your anger is fault. But you can't live with this guilt. Because you didn't want this to happen. You loved her and you loved your daughter"
"I love them both. So fucking much"
And it was true. I loved them with everything in my heart
I knew Julia was right in so many ways. But how could I explain that all this was so much more than that. How could I tell her about the time I forced myself on Sabrina. How could I explain raising my hand on her. And how could I ever justify keeping her away from Hope
But somehow her words still comforted me, if only for a little bit
I couldn't help but get a little more teary eyed. Seeing my tears, Julia immediately hugged me, much to my shock
"I miss her so much. I miss my little girl"
"She is in a better place now Adam"
"I wish I could change everything. I wish I could turn back time and show them both how much I loved them"
As I said that she moved back from me and rubbed her hands against my cheeks
"You can't change your past. But you can better your future. Sometimes letting people go is the answer. I don't know whether she will be back. But whatever she chooses, you have to accept that. And you have to move ahead. Like I did. After my fathers death"
I knew there was no moving ahead. How could I ever move on from them both.
But despite that, I nodded and spoke,
"Thank you...for being here"
And to that, she just smiled
I don't expect any romance between them. I just wanted Adam to have a friend. A friend who would be there for him. And Julia is just that
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