Sakiyama Youji stood in waiting, leaning against the railings in front of his apartment unit that very much reminded him of the railings at the rooftop of Komanami High. He shifted awkwardly, uncomfortably, nervously, as his fingers danced about the cold metal of the balcony.
He was anxious - so much so that he merely stared at his room's ceiling last night for a whole night that felt like a minute. Dawn had already pierced through the horizon when he came to.
And there was but one reason that kept him awake the whole night, wondering and worrying over this and that and everything he was expecting to happen the next day - which was today.
The root cause of his distress? He was waiting for this person right now to pick him up.
'What am I getting so worked up for?', he asked himself, noticing that the sky had become so obscured with clouds - as if sympathizing with his distress, but it only proved to worsen his thoughts as he hoped it would not rain. He saw a large figure walking down the road. "Ah, Shironuma is here..."
The raven-haired man scrambled downstairs to meet him. Tetsuo seemed surprised to see him, but that look was immediately masked by his ever-aloof expression. "You're here... Let's go." Without waiting for him to follow, the blond began to walk towards the direction he came from.
Youji jogged up to walk beside the blond man, awkwardly placing his hands in his pockets. They spent their walk in silence, with Youji thinking of what to say the whole time. He never was a good conversationalist - he didn't even know what it meant to have a best friend. But somehow, he felt that he had to be the first to strike up a conversation, since Tetsuo was far more aloof than he already was.
The only problem was that there was nothing to speak about.
Soon enough, they reached the train station. Youji found himself barely able to keep up with the broad back before him with the hustle and bustle of the afternoon rush hour in the station, and he had to clutch onto Shironuma's shirt to keep from getting lost. This place was seriously not good for his health. Nevertheless, he only hoped that the train would arrive soon.
"Sakiyama... is your health alright?" Shironuma asked, once they finally rode the train. It was a relief to Youji, both because he finally had the breathing space he direly needed and because the tension in the air around them had faded with Tetsuo's words.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just need to rest for a bit." he replied, sighing in relief. Tetsuo was standing in front of him, who sat on the only empty seat left. "Tell me if you're tired, and we can switch."
"No need." the blond replied.
The next stations went by before they knew it, and with them came more passengers until the train was filled to the brim. Youji now stood with Tetsuo, since he made way for a disabled person to take his seat. Nevertheless, Tetsuo led him to a corner of the train near the door and shielded him there. Their closeness made his heart beat loudly as they endured the remaining minutes until their station arrived.
"...Sorry. Bear with it for a while."
Youji averted his eyes in utter embarrassment. "I know..."
Finally, their station arrived and the two burst out from the door. They rested on a bench near the ocean park, which was their main destination. Tetsuo stood up, and silently pointed at the takoyaki stall nearby.
It reminded Youji of a similar time back then, at the old building's rooftop. "Don't want any." he said, exactly as he used to. However, there was one distinct difference between then and now: the distrust he felt towards Tetsuo was now non-existent.
Tetsuo left to go buy at the said stall, probably for himself. Youji took this ephemeral moment without the other to think. And he came up with a conclusion.
Going out on dates like this certainly didn't suit them. Sure, seeing each other in clothes that for once weren't the school uniform was refreshing, but the way they acted didn't change at all; they were both still awkward. Not that he was expecting any change in the first place. And certainly, he couldn't imagine a Shironuma Tetsuo who spoke and expressed himself a lot more - maybe there was one in an alternate reality, but in this universe, it was beyond imaginable.
As for Youji himself... he didn't know. He was almost as introverted as Tetsuo, but when standing beside Shironuma, he was probably the more expressive of them both. But still, the act of conversing and making friends was novel to him. Either way, he only hoped this day would go by smoothly at the very least.
"Sakiyama." He heard his name under a low voice. Tetsuo stood in front of him, holding a small tray of the snack and handing the other a juice box. Youji almost smiled in reminiscence.
"Thanks." he uttered shyly, scooting over to give the blond some space on the bench.
And then there was silence.
That was, until Youji's juice box started to growl in anger of being emptied so quickly. He crushed the box until it was small enough, and stood up to throw it in the trash can. When he returned, Tetsuo once again held out a takoyaki towards him.
'So persistent...' Youji thought to himself. Nonetheless, seeing as Tetsuo doesn't seem to be giving up with holding it in the air awkwardly, Youji decided to stop being stubborn. Wordlessly, he took the small toothpick of the snack and dumped it into his mouth, revelling in the taste of octopus and vegetables. "It's sweet..." he mumbled to himself loud enough that Shironuma still heard him.
"Good." Tetsuo said, taking the toothpick back and eating another piece. Youji blushed as he realized that the two of them had just now shared an indirect kiss. It was nothing to brood over or anything, but he found it utterly embarrassing.
Soon enough, Tetsuo finished eating and the couple finally decided to go to their main destination that day: the ocean park.
--
Everything around them was blue. A paradise of ocean life surrounded them from the walls to the ceiling and the floor below them that reflected the beauty before them. Fish swam about the area, observing the people who stared back in awe of the artificial ocean and observed them back.
Even Youji was amazed. He had never seen such a vast view of ocean life ever since he and his sister stopped coming to ocean parks like this, and dear God did he miss them. He missed those moments of awe and admiration that surpassed his minuscule aquarium on so many levels. Amidst his daydream, he didn't even notice Tetsuo who was now watching him and not the fish and corals.
It took a while for the ravenhead to finally catch himself and how childish he was acting. He blushed lightly and turned to look over at Tetsuo - but he felt a cold hand against the back of his own. It made his face flush even redder as his hand was surrounded by the cold of the glass on his palm and Tetsuo's hand on the other side. He stopped himself halfway from facing the other as he was consumed by utter embarrassment. He stared awkwardly at the glass before him.
Amidst the dancing fishes was Tetsuo's sharp gaze staring back through the faint reflection.
"What's wrong?" Shironuma asked coolly. "Your hand is warm... do you have a fever?"
"No... it's your hand that's cold." he mumbled quietly, feeling bashful. And yet he couldn't bring himself to push the other's hand away.
"...Do you hate it?" The blond asked, and Youji almost shivered as he felt the other's breath brush against the side of his neck. There was just something entrancing about Tetsuo's voice, and he was caught in a trance. He couldn't bring himself to speak.
Whether Tetsuo saw his silence as a yes or no, he pulled his hand away - much to Youji's regret. They continued walking in silence.
"You-kun~" A bubbly voice shattered the silence - and they both knew just to whom it belonged to.
Youji turned around. "Okinaga. What are you doing here?"
"Ehh~ What's with that?" Zenya whined, pouting playfully. He shamelessly put an arm around the ravenhead. "Aren't you happy to see me?" There was a hidden mischief in his right eye as Shironuma stood in his peripheral vision. He was taunting him.
"What does that even mean?" Youji asked, trying to pry the blond off of him and failing, unaware of the battle of glares from behind him.
"I don't knoow~" Zenya giggled. "Well, anyway... I lost sight of Kitani, so I'll go with you guys."
Youji sent a worried glance at Tetsuo, but the blond merely wore his mask of apathy and followed them like a bodyguard. Youji wondered why he didn't show the least hint of resistance, or disapproval. Deep inside, he was hoping Shironuma would at least show that he cared for their alone time together - but he knew it was impossible.
After an awe-inspring but excruciating trip about the ocean park, they finally reached the exit where Kitani was waiting for his master.
"Kitani!" Zenya hopped over to his servant, almost flying into the older man's arms like a puppy awaiting its owner. "You're late! Where were you?"
"I'm terribly sorry, Young Master." Kitani bowed apologetically. "It's just that my age isn't like it used to and I can't keep up with your high spirits. I couldn't catch up to you fast enough..." 'That, and the fact that Okinaga is just too hyperactive...' Youji thought to himself, slightly feeling pitiful for the old man.
A look of pain crossed Zenya's playful gaze, but it left as soon as it came. "Alright," he decided. "As punishment, we have to stop by Shibuya to buy more clothes for Christie, okay?"
"Yes, Young Master." Kitani said.
With that, Zenya waved goodbye to Youji and the irritated Tetsuo.
--
The silence as they walked back to the train station was completely different from the comfortable silence when they left it. Behind their averted gazes lie unspoken feelings - one of worry, and the other of irritation. Neither of them was good with words in the first place, and this inability was proving to be a disadvantage right now.
Youji was inwardly panicking, just like this morning as he was waiting for Tetsuo and anxiously worrying over if anything would go wrong - but this time, he was nervous because he felt that he wouldn't be able to sleep without fixing things with Shironuma. Each step was a step closer to the train station, and he didn't want to leave things between them as it was.
The evening was quiet as they walked, save for the faint sounds of a cricket quietly watching from nearby. This was the perfect chance. "Shiro-"
"Youji? Oh, and Shironuma! What are you guys doing here?" A bubbly voice interrupted Youji. The two turned to see Makoto going over to them, followed by a group of familiar faces.
"Ah, Makoto. We were just going back from the ocean park..." Youji explained, sending a sideway glance at the blond. "On a... date."
"Eh?! You two, on a DATE? That's new." Konoe, who was behind Makoto, exclaimed. Asato smiled softly from beside him.
"You're starting to become just like these two." Akira said quietly, motioning to Konoe and Asato.
"Oi, you're one to talk! Remember I caught you and Shiki going at it like rabbits last weekend." Konoe spilled, but Akira merely shrugged and averted his eyes as if disinterested.
The sweet pool group ignored the ruckus their friends were making. "Oh, good timing." Makoto said, as if remembering something. "Since you guys are here too, why don't you guys join us in our drinking party? We were about to go, but I guess we could make room for two more." Makoto grinned. "Come on, there'll be girls there, and I need you guys to support me."
Youji immediately thought 'no'. He and Tetsuo were already becoming awkward as it was, and joining a drinking party with girls didn't sound like a good idea at all. "Ah, no... We were just going ho-"
"Alright, silence means yes, Shironuma. Let's go!" Makoto said, ignoring Youji's protests as he dragged him with the noisy group.
Youji could only send a glance toward Tetsuo in worry.
--
There was a rare, dangerous glint in Youji's eyes as he sat across Tetsuo, who albeit being silent the whole time, was being showered with a nosy and talkative girl's attention. Youji's thoughts were so loud that he was almost scared that someone would hear them. 'Why are you letting her touch you like that, you...!' His instincts told him to snap at the girl and make Tetsuo realize his jealousy, but his reason told him to be patient. Tetsuo was probably still irritated from Zenya's intrusion, so clashing with the other's irritation wouldn't be a good idea. And besides, Youji couldn't bring himself to do something so embarrassing, even after consuming a few beer cans.
His eyes scanned the area in observance. Makoto was dead drunk, and his mission to hook up with a girl was an utter failure, since in the first place, it was a bad idea to go to a drinking party with friends who were admittedly so much more handsome than he was. Asato was slumped on Konoe's shoulder, his ears flattened against his head; it looked like he couldn't handle even a little alcohol. Konoe only smiled, and petted the tall but taciturn man who was so dependent on him. Bardo was laughing and joking around with two of the girls, while Akira was sipping from his own can quietly, ignoring the women who tried to talk to him as he observed the room's surroundings much like Youji was now.
"Sakiyama." Tetsuo's low voice caught his attention. "It's getting late. Should we go on ahead?"
He glanced up at the clock on the wall. "Ah, you're right." he said. "Is it okay to leave them here?"
Bardo waved his hand. "Oh, you two can go ahead if you want. I'll take care of these guys later."
"Ah, thank you." Youji said, before following Tetsuo who went ahead.
--
Due to that certain detour, they had to board the last train. Youji couldn't even look Tetsuo in the eye, and they spent the ride home in awkward silence, until the train reached Youji's stop. Amidst the irritation, he felt a heaviness in his heart at the thought of failing to resolve the misunderstandings that were piling up between them. The train stopped completely after slowing down, pouring out a number of its passengers, but Youji froze. He didn't want to go back.
Suddenly, he felt himself weaving through the tightly-packed train as a strong hand pulled him outside. Youji struggled to keep up, and eventually he escaped the claustrophobic space. The train began to move forward seconds later, leaving with the sound of its loud engines.
He looked up, and saw the owner of the pulling hand. "Shironuma!" he exclaimed in surprise. "What are you doing? That was the last stop!" How was he supposed to go home now?
"It's getting late. It's dangerous outside." The blonde said, and began to walk ahead without waiting for Youji's response. He was going to escort the ravenhead home. "Where to?"
Youji decided not to bother arguing. "Follow me." They left the train station and Youji led the way. However, as they strolled through the streets of Tokyo, a long-haired man appeared before them.
"Ah, I finally found you, You-kun~" The bubbly, familiar voice made him feel déjà vu.
"Okinaga." Youji uttered in surprise. "What are you doing here? Are you following us?"
"Eh? I don't need to do that, You-kun. We're destined to be together!" he said happily.
"What are you talking about?" Youji nervously looked at the blond behind him, who was still expressionless. He prayed that Zenya would leave soon, because he was Shironuma's item of irritation.
"I love you, Yo-u-ji-kun." Zenya said, wearing a knowing smirk on his face. He took Youji's hands between his and looked him in the eye, provoking Tetsuo on purpose.
And this time, Tetsuo had enough.
With anger-fuelled senses, Tetsuo seemed to disappear from Youji's side and reappear in front of Zenya, and instantly, a fist slammed against the blond's cheek. Youji could barely follow as the events transpired before him - all he saw was Tetsuo unleashing his cold, bottled wrath on Zenya who fought back, but was powerless against the blond's strength.
Tetsuo took a step back, and before Youji knew it, his hand was taken and they were running away. When they had reached a considerably far distance from Zenya, he looked back in worry and saw Kitani assisting the poor blond into the car. 'It'll be alright. Seems like Zenya has someone of his own who cherishes him,' he thought.
Now that they were far from any more nuisances, Tetsuo finally calmed down. He turned away from Youji, and then spoke a curt "Shall we go?" before giving him a sideways glance.
Youji jogged towards the blond, and took his hand in his quietly. They began to walk under the tranquil silence of the night, and Youji smiled to himself. Throughout the years since they've been together, there was one small change he noticed about Tetsuo whenever the blond was feeling bashful, and somehow he felt that he was the only one who noticed it - and he was happy about that.
Tetsuo had his own way of blushing - unique and almost unnoticeable to most people unless they took a closer look, or unless they knew him well enough - which was the case for Youji. His eyes would narrow a bit, his shoulders heaved less than usual with his breath seemingly slowing down, and his lips would look flat with how he was tightening them too much, and - maybe this part was just Youji's shoujo heart imagining things, but... His hand would get a little warmer.
Right now, he was certain that Shironuma was blushing.
Still grinning inconspicuously at what he had noticed, it took Youji a moment to realize just what the droplet of something on his shoulders was.
"Sakiyama." Tetsuo said, looking at him for directions in a stare that said 'Lead the way; we have to hurry up before we get soaked.' Youji nodded and began to walk briskly with him.
By the time they had reached Youji's house, their clothes were soaked to the point of clinging to their skin coldly. They dried their clothes by the doorway nimbly, cursing themselves silently for choosing such an unlucky day to go on a date. The many unfortunate things that had happened seemed to pile up that day, right when they decided to let their guard down.
"Come to think of it... This is your first time here, isn't it?" Youji said, remembering that he had always been the one to go to Tetsuo's house for tutoring. The only time the blond did at least try to enter his house was when he brought him food - Youji still didn't trust him at that time. And now, Tetsuo was inside his home for the first time... he didn't know what to feel.
The blond nodded in response, quietly sitting beside him on the couch. "...here." His voice pierced through the silence. "Can I stay here?"
Youji gave him a sideway glance, feigning annoyance for a second before changing his mind. He sighed. "Alright, alright. It's not like I'll let you go home at this hour; we just got off the last train..."
Receiving no response from the blond, Youji went to his room to get change of clothes for the both of them. He handed Tetsuo his clothes, and the awkward silence found its way back into the room. He just wanted to sleep off this uncomfortable feeling. "Then... Good night."
"Wait." Tetsuo commanded in a quiet but stern voice, grabbing the older man's wrist.
Youji's tense nerves began to relax. He waited expectantly for what the blond had to say, but once again, silence greeted him as Shironuma let his wrist go and averted his eyes. "Wh... what?"
"Are you mad?"
"Eh...?" Youji was taken aback by the sudden question. As he looked closely - he wasn't sure if he was imagining it - there was a glint of embarrassment in those downcast eyes. This abashed Tetsuo was one he had never witnessed before - at least not one this adorable. He sighed. "I'm not mad... a bit irritated, I guess, but..."
"But what?" Tetsuo pressed on.
"Just..." Youji let out another sigh. "I just feel a bit... let down that today didn't go so well. Right when we decide to go on this, this date, everything else seemed to go against our plans." Thoughts of the events that transpired that day ran through his memory: Zenya's interruption, the drinking party, the rain that decided to pour at the worst possible moment... Now that he thought about it, it was like fate was trying to tear them apart - not that he believed in fate anyway. He didn't believe it as much as he didn't believe in forever.
The blond hummed in response. It was either an expression of approval, or of deep thought - Youji didn't know. "As..." Tetsuo began. "As long as... you're beside me... nothing else matters." He said, looking him straight in the eye.
Youji blushed at the unexpectedly direct answer from the blond. "I guess you're right..." he mumbled shyly. Somehow, he could never get used to Shironuma's direct words. "Anyway, you... it seems you were enjoying yourself at the drinking party." he accused bitterly. "Those girls were definitely clinging to you too closely..."
"They come to me on their own." Tetsuo replied calmly.
"That's what you said the first time..." Youji said. "A-Anyway, just... forget it. Never mind." Remembering how he glared daggers at the girls from the drinking party like a clingy lover, he decided it was better to just let it go - otherwise, he'd just embarrass himself further if he pressed on.
Shironuma sighed, got up, and sat beside the ravenhead. Youji looked at him, confused. "Wh-What are you-" His act of protest went interrupted as Tetsuo suddenly grabbed him and rested him on his lap. Youji went silent, embarrassed at this familiar pose.
"If I had the time to fool around with them, I would have fixed our date first." The blond declared, staring at the walls of his lover's home as he petted his hair lovingly.
Youji couldn't help the smile of mixed appreciation and embarrassment on his lips as he heard this. "I guess that's true... Oi, Shironuma." he puffed his cheeks, as if pouting. "I'm cold." He got up from the other's lap, and scooted closer shyly.
Tetsuo smiled inwardly at this display of affection. He pulled the other's head to his shoulder and placed his own head on the other's. "Me too."
The rain continued to fall, its gentle whisper playing as background to the silence that reigned in the living room. Everything was silent, motionless, as if time had stopped, and the ravenhead had to wonder if his heart was still beating.
It wasn't hard to hear though, because it was accompanied by another soft beating rhythm, this time from Tetsuo.
"Youji." The blond suddenly called out, breaking the silence. "...Youji." he said again.
Said man looked up slowly, feeling a sort of warmth bubble from his chest. They've never called each other by their first names before. "Tetsu-"
A pair of soft lips covered his own before he could finish. Instinct made him close his eyes, his hands finding their way to the other's chest as his mouth was suddenly dominated by Tetsuo's. A surge of heat erupted in his chest.
They pulled away, catching their breaths as a thin string of saliva connected them. Their silent gazes both held the desire to continue. "T... Take responsibility."
The blond nodded, and shortly after, their lips connected again into a much more passionate kiss. One leaned forward and the other leaned back, until Youji was laid flat on the sofa with Tetsuo looming over him. The two had pushed away the sounds of the rain and of everything else as they began to lose themselves into each other.
--
"Tetsuo."
"Hm?" Said blond looked over at the call of his name. "What's wrong?"
Youji chuckled. "I just wanted to try saying it... your name. ...Tetsuo." Suddenly, Tetsuo turned away. "Huh? What's wrong?" the ravenhead asked, clueless. Still eliciting no response from the other.
He immediately understood when he saw the faint pink at the back of Tetsuo's ear.