finn's pov
it's been 2 and a half weeks since millie has been in the hospital. i visited her every single day and stayed with her every night.
right now I'm on my way to visit millie. the ride from the school to the hospital isn't that long so i arrive there at 3:30.
i walk into the room, sitting at the same chair as i held her hand. the gang walked in not long later and i shot them a quick smile.
"how is she?" noah asked
"i don't know, didn't ask the nurse yet but I'm sure she's....the same" i caressed the back of her lightly
"I'll go get the nurse then" noah smiles, walking out
"you really love her, don't you?" sadie speaks up, catching me off guard
"what?"
"millie. you love her a lot, i can tell" she says as i smile
"i mean, who couldn't? look at her, she's beautiful" i smile as tears form at the corners of my eyes
noah walks in with the nurse as we all turn to them
"how is she?" i ask
"she's so doing great. everything is fine which is great news" she smiles as we nod
i suddenly felt a finger move in my palms and i quickly turn to millie.
"mills?" i ask and her fingers move again
her eyes open slowly and she looks around the room
"mills!" i smile happily
"am i in heaven?" she asks with a smile, voice coming out raspy
"no mills, you're in the hospital" i say and her smile drops
"w-what no! get me out! i can't!" she screams, panicking as she try's to pull out the breathing tube
"honey, don't pull that" the nurse rushes over trying to stop her
"g-get away! i need to leave!" she cries
"mills stop!" i say, trying to pin her hands down as she gasps
i quickly let go, knowing why and she trys to stand up
"mills stop" i cry, trying to stop her actions
the nurse takes a needle and shot her, making her stop her actions
"oh, you bitch" she says before blacking out
i catch her and lay her back down on the bed and i stroke her hair lightly
"she should wake up later" the nurse says
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millie's pov
i woke up to see finn and the rest of the gang around the room. i turn my head to face the other way, telling them i was mad.
i see the gang walk out as shoot me a quick smile, leaving me with finn.
"mills" he says, trying to get my attention
"what" i huff
"why?" his voice breaks
"i think i should be asking you that question" i say, turning my head to face him
"what?"
"why did you save me? i could have gone and be happy, but now I'm stuck here with pain. why couldn't you just let me go" i sob
"because i love you. i love you and i would never let you leave"
"no you don't, you're lying. no one loves me"
"if no one loves you then who am i? who are the rest of the gang? who's ava, your mom? are we ailens, because we fucking love you" he says as i look down
"I'm sorry" i whisper
"no. I'm sorry, i should have been there for you. i should have known" he says as a tear rolls down his cheek
"you were there for me. i did this to myself, I'm the one who has the nightmares. i'm the one who the universe hates, I'm the one who got- who got r-raped. and i'm the one who can't be fixed" i sob
"mills, you can be fixed. you just need to try and i'll be here every second of it" he says as he places a kiss on my cheek
"MILLIE!" i hear ava scream as she runs into the room and i quickly wipe my tears
"hey ava" i say as i ruffle her hair, "wanna come up here" i ask, pointing to the empty spot next to me
"i don't want to hurt you" she frowns
"you won't" i say as she climbs onto the bed
"now my precious baby, care to tell me how in the world did you get to the hospital" i ask, hugging her close
"mum took me" she smiled as i grow shocked
"mum took you?" i raised an eyebrow
"yeah" i hear a woman say from the doorway
"mum?" i breathe out
"yeah, it's me" she smiled, walking over to the bed
"am i dreaming, or is my mum walking towards me" i ask finn as he laughs
"you're not dreaming" he chuckles, "I'll go get the nurse, you guys can talk" he says before walking out
"hey honey, how are you doing" she asks, sitting down on finns seat
"don't honey me. where were you! where were you when i needed you! where were you when ava needed you! where were you when- when my dad-" i cut myself off with heavy breathing
"millie, calm down"
"oh, i am calm. i am just mad. furious. disappointed" i say, leaning back into the pillow
"ava, can you go find sadie or noah. i need to speak to mum about something" i say as she nods, walking out of the room
"mil-"
"no. i'm going to talk, and you're going to listen" i say sternly before i continue
she nods, "you were a drunk woman, coming home everyday and i didn't care. i took care of you because you're my mother. i thought it was enough, enough for you to stay, to realise that me and ava are not just random girls for you to be mad at. but you, you left! just with a tiny note, leaving us behind. did we really not mean anything to you? were we just random girls you pop out of your vagina?" i spat
"millie, i was a terrible mother. i didn't want to leave, but i had to. i had to take a break from everything and i promise you i wo-"
"funny. you said the same thing last time and where that end up? oh right, you leaving again"
"i promise you i won't leave this time. i met this guy and he really opened my eyes. he taught me the importance in life and i realized it was you guys"
"and who is this guy?"
"he's a guy i met at a bar. and no he's not a man whore, he's a decent guy."
"he's a decent guy? how decent?"
"decent enough to wake me up" she chuckles
"and you promise you won't leave again?"
"i promise"
"because if you do i swear to go-"
"i won't leave, millie"
"good"
"now can you please help me get everyone else because I'm 99% sure finn didn't go get a nurse" i say as she laughs standing up
"and millie, i really think you should consider telling the police what happened" she says before waking out the door
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everyone walks back in as i motion for the gang to give me a hug
"you scared the fuck out of me millie" noah says
"what did i say about your language" i say eyeing ava
"sorry" he mumbles
"i missed you" sadie says
"um i did too" caleb raises his hand
"me three" gaten says, eating a cookie
"good to know" i give them a thumbs up as they laugh
"okay, i'm going to pull the tube out and it's natural for you to gag and cough" the nurse says as i nod
she starts pulling the tube and i gag and cough really hardly
"you're doing great" she says
the tube was finally out of me and i cough one last time
"oh, that was disgusting" i say, wiping my mouth
"how is she?" my mum asks
"you had lack of nutrition when you came in so you won't be able to eat solid food for a few days since you wouldn't be used to it" she says as i nod, completely ignoring her
"now that i'm awake, can i leave the hospital" i ask
"no, not yet, sorry" she says, looking down at her clipboard
"what, why not? i'm fine!"
"millie you're not fine"
"I'm fine! finn tell them I'm fine!"
"i'm sorry mills but you're not fine."
"what?" my voice coming out as a whisper
"millie, you have ptsd" the nurse says
"what's that?" i asked, completely confused
"post-traumatic stress disorder. that is what has caused your nightmares or sleepless nights."
"no that can't be right. nothing could have caused that" sadie says
"something caused it and i think millie knows what that is" she says as i look over to finn
"if you don't want to tell them, that's fine" finn whispers in my ear
"i feel guilty for not doing so" i whisper with a frown
"but we can cure it right?" my mum asked
"we really suggest therapy and we provide group therapy here which is something that you guys should do" the nurse replies
"mills what happened" sadie asks
"mum can you leave the room please. ava too" i ask as she nods, taking avas hand and walking out
"i'll give you guys some privacy too" the nurse says walking out
"now will you tell us what happened?" sadie asks
i look over to finn and he holds my hand giving me a nod
"uh around a week before me doing it, i- i lost my innocence but i didn't want to" i say trying to explain what happened but not using the exact words
"so what does that mean" caleb asks as i get annoyed from is stupidity
"that means i got raped dumbass!" i blurt out, leaning my head back on the pillow as tears form at the corners of my eyes
"by who? did you call the police?" noah asks as i shook my head no
"you knew about this! why didn't you call the police!" sadie asks finn, punching his arm repeatedly
"sadie stop! i told him not to" i say as i try to pull sadie back
"why?" she says as a tear rolls down her cheek
"because...because it was- it was- the person was my dad"
"b-but your dad has been gone since-"
"since i was 10, yeah" i say, looking down
"but that doesn't mean you couldn't have called the police!" noah speaks up
"it does noah!"
"no it doesn't millie! this could put him in jail and that's what he fucking deserves!"
"that's just gonna make the whole situation worse!" i sob
"worse? what do you mean worse! what is he gonna do, kill you?"
"yeah, he will. noah, you know nothing about my dad. nothing"
"i know he left you and i think that says it all"
"no noah! it doesn't! you have no idea what happened during my childhood! no idea! so can we drop this fucking subject!" i scream making everyone flinch
he sighs, "i just- i just want what's best for you"
"this is, what's best for me" i say as i get up, walking towards the door
"mills where are you going?" finn asks
"cafeteria" i huff
i walk to the cafeteria, about to get food but i remembered i couldn't eat solid food. i bought a water and sat at one of the seats.
"millie?" i hear a voice from behind me
i turn around to see the nurse from before
"hey nurse who i don't know well but know well enough to know she's mean for not letting me leave" i say as she laughs, sitting at the seat across me
"you can call me winona, and i'm not mean for not letting you leave, you can't leave yet"
"i'm awake, fully functional and broken inside without a soul. i think im well enough to leave"
"honey, you came in barely breathing and failing organs. you almost died"
"and i should have"
she sighs, "sweetheart, suicide isn't option"
"that's what you all say. suicide isn't a option" i mock, "well guess what, it is for me" i say, walking up to leave
i walk back to my room to see everyone talking. i walk to my bed ignoring everyone as i take a sip of my water.
"we're gonna go now, we'll see you tomorrow mills" sadie says, gesturing to the whole gang.
i nod as they smile walking out
"you're not leaving?" i ask finn as he shakes his head
i nod, continuing to sip on my water
"can you help me find ava, i don't want to walk" i give a small pout
"sure" he smiles, kissing me on the cheek before walking out
i look over to the nightstand to see my phone and i grab it to see hundreds of notifications. i was about to open them but ava walked in.
"hey baby" i smile as she runs over to hug me
i pull her up to my bed as i hug her tighter, smashing kisses all over her cheeks as she giggles
"how have i never seen this bond between you two" my mum lets out a chuckle
"well when you have to take care of your 10 year old sister for 3 months, your bond will automatically get stronger" i shot a fake smile as i rock ava slightly
"touché" she laughs
"how has school been? you find out who gave you the rose yet?" i ask ava as she looks up at me
"yeah! apparently jayden gave it to me but then troy said it was him and then there was this whole thing. long story short troy gave it to me but jayden took it and said it was him"
"wait so 2 boys like you" i grow shocked
"yeah" she blushed, looking down
"aww you're blushing! who do you like" i poked her cheek
"i'm not telling you" she smiles devilishly
"okay but this is just a crush right? you can't have a boyfriend"
"you have a boyfriend" she points out
"that's because i'm 17 and you're like 10"
"age ain't nothing but a number" she sassed
"oh we're sassy now are we? no boyfriends until you're 16 and that's it"
"but i love him" she says completely shocking everyone in the room
"love? we're taking about love now? let me get this straight, you love this boy that you won't tell me about because he gave you a rose?"
"maybe" she teases
"mum deal with this please" i look up at her to see finn and my mum smiling
"and what are you two smiling at" i raise a eyebrow
"nothing" they say in unison
"ava, it's getting late and you have school tomorrow so go home now" i say as she nods
"okay goodnight aves" i say as she gets off the bed
"you owe me 3 weeks worth of bedtime songs" she whispers in my ear as i let out a small laugh
the first laugh in a month
i quickly push the thoughts away as i kiss her forehead softly
"i'll see you tomorrow honey" my mum says giving me hug
i nod and she walks out
"you want me to get you food from the cafeteria?" finn asks
"i'll say no but you'll do it anyways" i say as he nods
"that is correct. i'll come back later" he says before running out of the room
i took this as a opportunity to check my phone. i grabbed my phone, unlocking it and i went on instagram.
i see a bunch of messages, comments and posts telling me to get well soon. but of course iris has to post something really mean but i don't blame her. she was just speaking facts.
"mills?"
"bloody hell! you scared me" i look at finn who has a bowl of soup in his hands
"what are you looking at?" he asks sitting down
"iris' post" i shrug
"don't listen to her, she's a bitch"
i shrug, "i don't blame her, she was only telling the truth" i say, drinking the soup
i see finn thinking hardly as i eye him confused
"what's wrong?" i ask as i take another sip of my soup
"nothing it's just- whatever"
"you don't lead me on and tell me whatever, what's wrong?" i ask again
he sighs, "what if i lost you? what if i didn't decide to drop by your house? i wouldn't have found you and you would have died!"
"then you wouldn't have to deal with me again and you could find someone that you love and is not a mess" i say easily with a shrug
he lets out a laugh, "i love you and only you. no one can ever replace you"
"who are you and what have you done to the old, mean finn" i let out a laugh as i finish my soup
i finished the soup and i set the bowl aside. i pull my sleeves up to see my arm full of scars.
"hey, don't look at that" he says pulling my sleeve back down
"sometimes i just wish someone would have stopped me when i first started" i sigh
"you want to go on a walk?" i ask as he nods
we arrive at this garden at the back of the hospital and we sit on the bench.
the bench was facing the ocean and i lay my head on finns shoulder, taking in the view.
"how are you feeling?" finn asks
i shut my eyes trying to think for answer as he waits.
i open my eyes and look up at him, "i don't know" i sigh
"i guess, i'm not sad but i'm not happy. i guess it's better than how i was" i say, letting a tear roll down my cheek
he wipes the tear off my cheek and gives me a quick smile, "that's good to hear mills" he kisses my temple lightly
"i just want to be happy, is that too much to ask for?" i frown
"don't worry, from now on i'll make sure you're the happiest girl ever" he says as pulls me closer to him
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we arrive back at my room and i lay on my bed, ready to sleep.
"cuddle me?" i pout, reaching my arms out as he laughs, nodding
he climbs onto the bed and i let out a giggle due to his long legs
"what?" he asked as he hugged me
"you're so lanky" i giggle, laying my head on his chest
"you know, our 3 months anniversary is in 2 days" finn whispers
"isn't it in like 2 weeks? it's on the 11th today's the 28th?"
he lets out a laugh, "it's the 9th mills" he says as i gasp
"i've been out for that long?" i ask as he nods
"wait that's bad! i haven't prepared anything! oh my god, i'm probably not out of the hospital by then! i'm gonna sue this hospital!" i groan as he laughs
"it's fine mills"
"it's not fine!" i whine
"don't worry about it. right now you need sleep" he whispers as i snuggle closer
"i'm gonna ask you something and you're gonna answer. don't lie" i say as he nods
"what grade did i get for the english test" i ask
"do you really wanna know?" he teases as i glare at him
"you got a A!" he hugs me closer
"you're lying!"
"i'm not! you got a A! i'm so proud of you"
"holy shit! i got a A! i'm not working hard for the whole year anymore" i exclaim as he laughs
"i'm gonna force you to work hard if you don't"
"that's just mean" i pout
"yeah yeah, go to sleep now" he lays his head on mine
i close my eyes, falling asleep until the memories hit me again.
i jerk up from the bed breathing heavily and sweat all over my forehead.
i wake up finn in the process and he try's to comfort me. i continue to breathe heavily not being able to slow down.
"mills, calm down" he rubs my back up and down
"i-i c-can't" i say between breaths, realising i'm having a panic attack
"o-okay follow me. breathe in, breathe out." he says doing it as i try to follow him but it doesn't work
"i-i need m-my bla-ade"
"n-no just breathe millie. it's fine, you don't need it"
"i-i can't! i-i can't b-breathe!"
"shit, i'm gonna get the nurse" he says running out of the room, leaving me there, close to death
i look over to the nightstand to see a glass cup. i break it on the table and grab one of the broken pieces and slide it across my wrist multiple times, making really deep cuts.
my breathes start to shorten and i think i'm going back to normal but suddenly everything blacks out.
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finn's pov
i quickly speed out of the room, getting a doctor or a nurse. whoever i could find.
"my girlfriend is having a panic attack, somebody help!" i yell
a few nurses and a doctor quickly rushes over and ran to millie's room. i walk in to see millie unconscious on the bed with a blood stain on the white sheets.
"oh no no no, mills!" i rush over to her, seeing her wrist gushing out blood quickly
the monitor starts beeping rapidly and i look up to see her heartbeat dropping.
"we're losing her!" one of the nurses yell
"sir, you need to get out of here" one of the nurses say, dragging me out of the room
the door slams in my face and i was stood there frozen. after about a minute i sit down on the cold floor leaning against the wall, praying that mills will be fine.
i let a tear roll down my cheek and soon i'm sobbing again. i lay my head back on the wall, waiting, waiting and waiting.
after about 20 minutes the door finally opens and i quickly stand up.
"what happened? is she okay?" i quickly ask
"she was having a panic attack and she broke the glass cup, making several deep cuts allowing her to lose a lot of blood" the doctor states
"so what now? is she gonna be okay?"
"she's fine, she's still unconscious but hopefully she'll wake up soon" he nods, walking away and i quickly rush into the room.
i walk in to see a bag of the blood connected to her arm and her with a breathing tube.
i sigh, sitting next to her on the chair, once again waiting for her to wake up.
"i love you, please don't leave me"
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a/n: i feel so mean but i think the next couple chapters would be better :)