Nothing to me is better than performing on the stage.
The blinding lights as it danced with the beat of the drums. How the crowd clapped along to every note I played. Being blinded by the lights for a moment long enough to clear out any nerves. All the adrenaline rushing through my body as the music picked up the pace, transporting everyone to a place nobody knows. Music is truly a magical thing and I've always been grateful to have it beside me at all times. Mother and Father were very supportive, enrolling me in almost every music class in preschool until high school thought piano and guitar were the only once I kept including vocals.
I loved doing what I do, despite my parent's disapproval of the public performances. They never approved of me going out to gigs and performing in drunk parties but; they never have to know. I still feel guilty for keeping it from them but it's the only thing I love and having them take that away from my aches to hear.
However, no matter how mighty the power of music is, Matteo's gaze is still a little bit more powerful.
His eyes never left mine while he sat on the bar watching me while he smoked and drank. If it weren't for the experience I probably would have messed up my whole set just because I was distracted by him. He'd watch me more than Cade would who-mind you- said he was my wingman. Quelle surprise, he disappears a few minutes into the last song and my heart drops.
I don't care if he left, I thought of the fact that I've got no one to go to after. I can't go home because I'm expected to help with the rest of the performances (which I doubt they need me for).
"Thank you so much for listening!" I said to the crowd and they erupted into cheers, "the band will be back shortly for the new set, "
With that, took my guitar down and onto the stand behind me. I glance at the bar again and this time I find a group of girls instead of Matteo and I sighed.
Walking down that stage felt like walking back out into the battlefield and believe me, it's not nice- especially when your partner disappears into nowhere.
To my relief after a few minutes, if looking around, I find Danica talking to a few other guys who I haven't seen before. I mustered up enough courage to come up to them, fiddling with my fingers behind my back.
"Hey, Dani?" I tapped her shoulder like a kid to her mother and she turns around.
"Hey, Evie! That performance was fantastic. You know I've always been a fan of your music, " she gushed and I smiled proudly.
It's true. Whenever I'd play in our dorm she'd stop anything she was doing just to listen. Perhaps it's one of the few things I liked about her. She's supportive like that.
"Thanks, " I said, "also, have you seen Cade anywhere?"
She looked around, tipping up her toes as if looking for him like I was but she curls her lips, "have you checked his room?" She said and I shook my head.
"You could try that, it's the third door to the left, upstairs." She pointed a finger to the house before taking a sip of her drink, her long nails covering most of its circumference.
I mutter a small thank you to her before staring back at the house, taking a long deep breath.
I can't believe I'm going in there again.
Cade better explain the reason he would suddenly leave me hanging. I know I sound like an obsessed girlfriend but he knew what I'm like at parties. He said he'd take care of me, not disappear.
I swear, one of these days I'm gonna stop trusting guys' words on parties. This is the second time I've been deceived. Men have really lost their grasp in proper chivalry and it is disappointing.
Walking into the house again, I'm thankful that the stairs we're by the foyer so I didn't have to wait any further. Apart from having to say excuse to drunk guys and almost slipping on a puddle, I think I did pretty well enough.
Surprisingly, the upstairs weren't so crowded and loud. There are a few lone people up here, some crashed on the floor while some are drunkenly laughing by the door of the restroom while a friend threw up.
I scrunched up my nose at the mixing smells of vomit and alcohol but I ignore it regardless.
Just like the rest of the house, the second floor had wooden floors, dark walls, and barely any light- normal lights. For a frat house, they surely don't seem very fond of having any maintenance.
I looked 'round to the left side, following Danica's instruction, counting down the doors.
One, on the left, two, on the right-
"The party is downstairs, "
I stop on my tracks and my heart immediately raced at the sound of the voice. Taking one deep breath, I closed my eyes before answering,
"Yeah, I know, "
"If you're looking for your nerdy best friend, he isn't up here. He probably ran away from you after seeing what you wore," he affirms as I tried to take a step forward.
My fists curled up while I clenched my jaw. Anger taking over the fear.
Without thinking, I turn and walked into the darkened room where no lights were on. I find Matteo sat at the bump out of his window that's wide open. He lifts the cigarette off of his lips as he blew smoke my way.
"Do you have to insult me every chance you get?" I finally snapped though my voice still sounded as fragile.
Regardless, I know that I can't go on with letting him treat me like garbage every time. Insult is an insult no matter how minor someone thinks of it and clearly, he doesn't think. He just says whatever and doesn't care if it had hurt anyone. Rude and arrogant.
His silhouette turns to me with nothing but the lights from the party illuminating him. He looks more ominous this way but I don't care. I'm starting to lose patience for his inconsiderate attitude.
"What else am I supposed to do?" He said and my jaw drops.
Is he serious right now?
"Maybe be a little nice?" I took a step.
"Not my thing, "
"Clearly!" I took another step, raising my voice to my surprise.
"So why suggest something you know doesn't work, missy?" He replied in a monotone like he doesn't realize anything and so far it's doing nothing but making my anger worse.
"Because you're way in over your head. You've got no respect for anyone and you- you are rude and arrogant!"
"If you come any closer-"
"What?" I challenged, braving another step.
I have had about enough of this attitude of his and I'm sure he knows it. He's never said anything nice nor has he done any. He's been nothing but rude and I'm not letting him destroy me like that.
He stays silent to my dismay and I find myself growing braver. Perhaps it's the adrenaline from the performance and my rising anger but it doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm finally standing up for myself; the thing I should have done the moment he insulted me.
Looking at the empty spot on the bump-out, I thought of a little prayer before doing something that may be considered as a death wish.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He growled, his accent only thickening while he sat up in a more hostile position.
"So apparently sitting down triggers you too huh?"
His jaw clenched, taking another hit and blowing it out. It's horrid smell filling my lungs as toxic but I try to hold it. I'm not about to lose my leverage.
"So? You don't want people getting close to you? I'm inches away, you gonna do something about it?" I sassed to my own surprise but I don't show him that.
"Quite audacious for a girl like you." He muttered as he leaned back down although as he looked out, the faint lights illuminated his features. I can see the way his eyes looked like the devils.
He was mad and I could see it; I could feel it. If it weren't from the rush I'm feeling then I probably would never have gone in here. Perhaps I should be worried that this guy acts like a murderer and I'm in his darkroom. Who knows what he could do.
Before forgetting, I lift from my seat, taking out the piece of paper he gave me yesterday
"This, what is this for?" I asked, attempting to sound calmer.
"A note."
"Yeah, no joke," I said.
"You know I surely would've thought that you related to it more than anyone." He throws the butt of the cigarette out of the window and onto the roof tiles.
I frowned at his response, "What's that supposed to mean?"
He turns to me, his half-lit eyes staring back and the fear and anger in me fought for dominance. His green eyes are darker like this and I can see a few his tattoos as his arms rested on his knees. There was a tattoo of a clock and it is on fire but that was all that I could see. There were more of course.
"It means that a girl like you with perfect grades, a perfect life. Smartass and hasn't fucked a guy is in chains." He said and my heart stops.
"That's ambitious of you to assume, " I said with the last bit of anger in me before tossing the note to him, standing up because I can already feel the pain arises.
He really doesn't realize just how much his words hurt, no matter what they are. I can already feel the lump in my throat growing just by those and I have an unsettling feeling that his not done yet.
"Am I wrong?" He said as I walked away and I balled my fists, not stopping on my tracks again.
"That's what you are aren't you? The girl in chains-"
Evie, calm down.
"Surely you wouldn't be that perfect if it weren't for some people telling you what you need to be."
Evie, just hold it together, you're almost out the door.
"You know maybe you're life is easy. Parents who support you because you're the fucking perfect child. Oh and also they probably don't want you to fuck around either because they know you're shit or they want something-"
"YOU DON'T KNOW ME!" I yelled as I turned around to now find him stood, jaw clenched, anger in his eyes with torment and fists in balls like mine.
I take a big stride to him as my vision blurs and I point a finger at him.
"You don't know me." I trembled, "you don't know what it's like to constantly be on someone's top list. You don't know what it's like to want to disappear for a while because everyone is just too, too much. You don't know what it's like to not be happy having everything and being guilted for it because it's my fault that I'm suffering. You wouldn't know what all those things feel like because you know what- yes I am in chains and you aren't! So stop acting as you know me because- I'm not just what you think I am."
By the time I finished, I am out of breath and I'm looking up at him while my finger dug in his chest.
I can feel the warm tears running down my cheeks from the anger and frustration he had set on me. It took me a few seconds to realize that I am crying in front of me but even that couldn't stop me.
His eyes widened for a moment before softening and falling down to the ground. It looked concerned? Regret? It can't be, he's too heartless to feel those.
His mouth open but before he can degrade me even more, I take a step back. "Save it, " I said before heading out of that room and away from him.
"Evangeline, wait!" I hear him call but to my relief, I find Cade just down the hall, frowning at the sight of me and scowling at the sight of the guy following behind me.
I knew he was horrible, but never did I think he would ever say words like that. But he did.