"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..." My mum, Karl, and Niall sang to me. I grinned and blew out the colourful candles. I was six. It had been about four months since I'd met Niall, and one month since my parents' divorce.
"Remember, Daddy's coming at half six to pick you up, yeah?" Mum reminded me.
I nodded. "Okay."
"Is Niall going?" Mum asked.
I looked at Niall. "You wanna go? You don't have to."
Niall shrugged. "Do you want me there?"
"I don't care. It could be nice, I don't know," I told him.
"If you need me, I'll be watching, but I think you should be with your dad tonight. It's a special night," he decided.
"Okay." I turned to my mum. "No, he's not coming, he said I should be alone with dad because it's a special night."
Mum and Karl didn't believe in Niall I knew that. But I was okay with it, it didn't matter if they knew Niall was real or not.
At promptly half six, the doorbell rang. I ran to the door and opened it, immediately being grasped in a hug, my dad swinging my feet off the ground.
"Hiya, Jadey! You're six, a big girl now," he praised. I grinned.
"Remember, James. Back tomorrow by eleven," mum told him.
"Yes, Norma," he mocked, as if talking to a small child.
"I love you," I said to my mum.
"I love you more."
"I love you most."
She shook her head. "Not possible." She kissed my cheek.
My dad carried me off to his car, buckling me into the passenger seat. He went around and strapped himself into the driver's side and flicked on the ignition.
"I miss you," I admitted.
He smiled. "Really? I miss you, too, Pickle. I wish I could see you more often, though."
"Mammy says she doesn't want you being drunk around me," I told him. I could see him getting angry at what I'd said. "Daddy, don't be mad at her. She just loves me."
His expression relaxed a bit. "Oh, sweetie, I'm not mad. I just want you to know that I will never be drunk when I'm with you. You come before everything."
"I love you."
"I love you, too, Jadey. I wish Karl felt the same way," he murmured.
"He does," I said.
"What?"
"He does love you. He's just mad at you. But he loves you," I told him with a smile. "He said so."
"Really? Well...that's good. I hope he lets me see him," he said.
"Niall said he will soon. He just needs to remember the good memories, not the bad ones," I explained.
"Who's Niall?"
"My best friend."
"Oh, right. Your mother told me about him," he said, obviously not believing. That might be the one thing Mum and dad still agreed on; they thought Niall didn't exist. "What does he look like?"
"Brown hair and blue eyes. He's Irish," I told him.
"Yeah? What about his family? Gotta make sure he's good enough for my Jadey," he teased.
"Well, he has an older brother and a mum and a dad, but he doesn't see them anymore, he hasn't since he died."
"What?"
I began the process of explaining everything. He didn't look was convinced, but he shrugged it off and pretended.
That night, at dinner, he poured himself a glass of wine. He poured me a little, too. A teaspoon of it. "You wanna try it?"
I smiled and nodded, taking the spoon. I closed my lips over it and swallowed it. "Can I have more?"
He chuckled and shook his head. "Sorry, Pickle, but I can't be having you get drunk," he said. "Or addicted," he added. His eyes grew soft. "Promise me something; promise you won't touch a drop of alcohol until you're old enough, eighteen. Promise you won't drink unless you're supervised by your mother or I, okay? I don't want you to end up like me."
"I promise. And don't worry, daddy. You're the best dad I could have," I assured him. He smiled.
"Niall, do you have wings?" We were sitting in my tree house. Niall had helped me clean it out and it now had a big bean bag and a stack of books. Mum said she'd break her neck trying to climb up here, and Karl said he was too tall to fit, so it was all mine. Well, mine and Niall's.
"No. Well, sometimes. When I'm not with you. That's how I watch over you," he said. "I fly around and follow you and when you need help, I lose my wings and drop to the earth."
"Drop from where?"
"From where guardian angels come from," he said.
"Heaven?"
"No. This is different. This is...it's not just religion, you know?" He glanced over at me.
"Yeah, I guess." I didn't get it. I was six, I could barely add ten and ten together. "Do you want some crisps?" I offered.
He made a face. "I don't eat, Jade."
"Oops, I forgot. Do you wanna watch me eat some crisps?"
He laughed. "Go ahead."
I pried up the loose floorboard and fished out a small foil packet, munching on them. It was my secret stash. Nobody would find it. Karl and my mum promised they wouldn't come up here, and the Thirlwall/Badwi's don't lie.
Mum's last name wasn't Thirlwall anymore.
"I love you, Niall."
He grinned. "I love you too."
"Friends forever?"
He bit his lip. "Yeah. Friends forever." He smiled again.
"I missed you, Pickle," my dad said as he hugged me tightly. "Happy seventh birthday!"
"You're late," my mum said.
"Just a few minutes, Norma, it's okay," he told her.
She sighed. "Just bring her back on time tomorrow, okay?"
He rolled his eyes but nodded. I hugged my mum goodbye. "Have a good night, Jadey."
"I love you."
"I love you more."
"I love you most."
I smiled as we recited our usual, one of my favourite scenes from the movie Tangled.
We walked to his truck like usual, and drove to his flat. On the ride over he quizzed me about my life. How's school? Fine. Is Niall still your friend? Of course. Karl's doing alright, yeah? Yep. He's busy away at his school, though. It's a boarding school.
Since he was a bit late, it was already dark by the time we got to my dad's flat. "Do you want to just eat now?"
"Yeah, that's fine," I told him.
"How's your mother doing?" he asked as he cut me a slice of lasagna.
"She's okay," I said. He placed a piece of garlic bread on my plate and cracked open a beer.
"Is it okay just the two of you?" he said anxiously.
"Yeah. I have Niall and she's home a lot because she works from home now," I explained.
"Well, good. That's good."
"Yeah."
"Sorry I was late, Jadey," he said. I smiled and told him it was fine. "But happy birthday! You're eight years old already!"
My mum appeared behind me and crossed her arms. "Be back promptly tomorrow, okay, James?" She turned to me. "You be good and remind him, Pickle. He seems to have a habit of being late nowadays, suppose."
"Forget it, Norma."
I laughed and kissed my mum's cheek goodbye. "I love you."
"I love you more," she replied.
"I love you most."
Once we got to my dad's flat, he pulled out his phone almost immediately. "Oh."
"What?"
"It's just, my mates want to see me. But it's okay. You're here. You're more important," he promised.
A few minutes later he said, "Jadey? I'm going to pop in for a minute, but I'll be back in half an hour, okay? I'll bring dinner as well."
"Okay. Can I watch tv?"
"Of course."
I put in Harry Potter, the first one and sat watching it. Then I put in the second one. It only occurred to me when I put in the fourth that the movies were two hours. I'd seen three of them, which meant my dad said he'd be back five and a half hours ago. I went into the kitchen. It was already midnight, a little past.
I just sat at the dinner table and waited for him to come home. I guess I fell asleep, because I woke up to cursing and the door being shoved open. I sat up.
My dad stumbled in.
"Dad?" I asked.
He rubbed his eyes, they were bloodshot, and the air reeked of alcohol and smoke. "Jadey? What're you doing here?"
"You said you'd be back," I reminded him.
"Oh, right. It's your birthday." His words were slurred. "Just go to bed or something. I need a drink."
He pushed his way into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of wine, draining it in five seconds and pouring another.
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Yes, Jade."
"Okay. I'm sort of hungry, though," I told him.
"You didn't eat?"
"You said you'd be back with dinner in half an hour," I said.
"You're eight years old, you can get your own damn dinner," he growled at me, taking another drink of wine. He topped off his cup. "Now get the hell into your room and put your ass in bed."
"Can I just have a sandwich or something? I can make it myself, I swear," I said quickly. "I'm just hungry, that's all. Then I'll go right to bed, I promise."
He stood up and walked towards me, his posture threatening. "Didn't I just say for you to go to bed?" He asked. Then he laughed. "Yeah, I did." His hand flashed out and slapped me across the face. "So do as I say, and get in bed."
"Okay," I whispered. I didn't move, too scared to, my cheek still stinging a lot. He put his hands on my shoulder and turned me around, shoving me roughly.
I felt my feet carry me into my room and I closed the door. I collapsed on my bed and started crying.
"Jade, it's okay," Niall said. I turned. He'd appeared there.
"He doesn't love me anymore," I whispered to him.
"Of course he does, he's just drunk right now. He's not himself," he told me.
"He promised he'd be back soon."
"It's okay," Niall said again, he hugged me and wiped my tears away as I fell asleep.
"He was supposed to be here three hours ago," Karl hissed. "Just face it, Jade, he's not coming."
"He'll come," I promised myself.
"Grow up!" he yelled at me. "It's your ninth birthday, you're old enough to realize that dad is just an alcoholic who's too drunk to get his ass over here to collect his daughter for her birthday! When's the last time he's called you? He doesn't love you and he doesn't care about you. Wake up already, okay?"
"Karl!" My mum said.
Karl snapped out of it. "I'm sorry. Jade. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Of course he's going to come, okay? He will, don't worry."
I waited for him on the couch and talked with Niall until my mum came up to me. "Jade, it's time for bed. You've been waiting here for five hours. I think you should go to sleep. I'm so sorry."
I just nodded and went upstairs. For the second birthday, Niall wiped away my tears as I fell asleep.
"Maybe Karl's right. Maybe my dad doesn't love me."
"Don't say that," Niall said.
"But what if it's true! He didn't even call after my birthday to say anything. And my eighth birthday...well, you know what happened."
"You're actually worried about this?" Niall asked.
"Yes," I admitted. "Next week is my tenth birthday. What if he doesn't come at all like last year?"
"Jade, you need to know something important," Niall blurted out.
"What?"
"Onyourtenthbirthdayileaveyouandicantseeyouagain," he said really quickly.
"What?"
"When you turn ten, you're too old for an imaginary friend. For a guardian angel. You're old enough to be by yourself," he told me.
I blinked, tears starting to form in my eyes. "You mean...next week you'll be gone? Forever?"
"Maybe not forever. But for a good long while," he admitted.
"But...friends forever."
"Jade, your forever is different then mine," he whispered. "You'll die. I won't. Not again. You'll forever be my best friend, in my heart and in my head, but not in real life. Not anymore."
"Just relax. Go to sleep. I'll be here for tonight, our last night," Niall assured me. "Well, I guess just my last night."
So I did, convincing myself it was a dream and that Niall would be there the next day. But when I woke up, I was alone, and no matter how much I cried and begged him to come back, he didn't.
Only when I cried myself to sleep again because my dad didn't show up for me(for the second time), did I accept that Niall was gone.
Just like my dad was pulling himself out of my life.