"Nathan," I sigh when I see him sitting on the couch in his suit, his hair a mess. "I'm happy you're here."
"You don't look happy," he replies, getting up slowly. His suit isn't as crisp as I'm used to. In fact, he looks like crap. He's got dark circles under his eyes and his tie is complete askew.
"That's because I'm not." I gesture for him to sit back down and take a seat right next to him, although I make sure to keep some space between us, so I won't get distracted by him. We need to talk about this. I deserve an explanation for him ignoring me all week. "Nathan... are you okay?"
"No," he says softly, looking down at the phone in his hands. "I'm not."
I follow his gaze and see that he's on Shaughna's Instagram profile that is filled with pictures of last night. I'm in almost every single one, dancing and drinking with her, Dshawn, Aston, Yord and the other friends that were with us.
"Did you..." He takes a deep breath and finally looks up at me, his emerald eyes sadder than I've ever seen them. "Did you sleep with any of them?"
"What?" He's got to be kidding me. "How dare you ask me that! Of course I didn't, Nate. Do you seriously think that I'd cheat on you? Do you really think so little of me?"
"It's what you did last time," he says calmly. "And since Dshawn is spoken for now, I guess it won't be him this time. But these other guys sure wouldn't say no to you." He scrolls down and shows me a picture of me and Yord smiling at each other. One of his arms is around my middle. "I've been here for hours, Caroline. But I guess you were too busy partying to talk to me."
"Oh no," I hiss, getting up to pace the room. "You don't get to do this, Nathan. You dropped me off here Tuesday night and didn't respond to any of my calls or texts. I tried to give you space, but when you said you were too busy to talk to me for even a second, I decided to go out with my friends. I was just having fun with Shaughna and some other friends. You don't get to judge me for that. Nothing happened. Yes, I danced with some guys, but I don't think I should have to defend myself for that. If you want me to apologize to you, then you really don't know me. I did nothing wrong!" I'm breathing hard by now, tears threatening to spill out of my eyes. I don't want to cry, but I'm more sad than angry, even though I'm yelling by now. "And it's not fair for you to judge me about sleeping with Dshawn. We weren't together then and you know it! In fact, you told me you understood that I was just trying to get over you."
"I know." Nathan looks down at his phone again. "And I know I'm acting like a teenager, confronting you with pictures on social media. It's just..." He grunts. "I've been torturing myself with these for hours now, praying you'd come home so I could talk to you. Wishing and hoping you didn't think that me not talking to you meant that I wanted to break up with you, because if you thought that, then you might..."
I sigh when he trails off. "You thought that if I considered this a break-up, I would be in another man's bed all weekend. Seriously, Nate, I wouldn't do that. This isn't the same as it was last time. We were both fighting the attraction between us back then because we knew we needed to stay away from each other. Now that we're committed to each other, I would never do something like that." It didn't even cross my mind, even though I'm upset with him. Even though I could tell that Aston wouldn't have minded taking me home with him, I wasn't tempted for even a second. All I want is Nathan, even when we're fighting.
"Good." He smiles sadly. "And I guess I knew that all along, but I just... Those pictures... All these guys your own age who aren't too old to party, who you can just date openly..."
"They were nice to dance with, but they're not the ones I want to come home to." I'm glad he feels better, but we still need to talk. I'm still angry at him. "Now it's your turn, Nate. Why the hell do you think it's okay to ignore me for a full week? I did nothing wrong and you know it."
"I needed some time."
I groan when he doesn't say anything else. "You could have picked up the phone to tell me that. Instead of just ignoring me, you could have told me that you needed a few days, that you still love me and that we'd see each other on Sunday. Instead, you made me feel like crap. I expect that from guys like Danny and Jordan, but not from you. I thought you were better than that."
"I am," he agrees, getting up from the couch as well and taking a step in my direction. He freezes when he sees my angry expression and sighs. "At least, I thought I was. I should be. It's just... if Elise finds out about us, she's going to make your life a living hell, Caroline. And you will lose your job, she'll make sure of it. If we keep doing what we've been doing, she will find out."
I don't reply, waiting for him to go on. He's had a week to think about what he wants to say to me and he's been in my apartment for hours, so all I can really do is wait for him to spit it out. I just pray it won't be what I think it is. If he breaks up with me tonight, I will lose my shit.
"I spent all week trying to figure out who told her," Nathan tells me, "even though I should have been focusing on the fact that in two weeks, Trevor will go to trial for what he did to Rose. Instead of making sure I'm fully prepared for that horrible day, I went to talk to John, Tiffany, Elise, even Annabel, trying to figure out how much they know and if they talked to Elise."
"John and Tiffany wouldn't do that," I say immediately.
"Not on purpose," he agrees. "Maybe by accident. They are Rose's teachers after all – well, John is – so I figured that they might have slipped up while talking to Elise. They didn't, I know that now, but I had to know. I had to make sure."
"It was Annabel, wasn't it?" I ask, seeing the sullen expression on his face. "I was right all along. She's in love with you and she wants to break us up even if it means going to Elise to do so."
"Yes," he agrees, "you were right. She confessed that she ran into Elise in the supermarket and made some remark about how nice it is that I finally moved on. She didn't tell her it was you, but I wouldn't put anything past her at this point. She may still spill the beans to her. And if she does..."
I grunt, knowing fully well how bad it would be if Elise found out. "I'll talk to Annabel tomorrow, see if there's anything I can do to make sure she'll stop sabotaging us. But Nathan, before I do..." I take a deep breath, knowing that I need to ask this question even though I dread the answer. "I need to know if you really think that our relationship is worth all this trouble. I know you love me, but is it enough? You ignored me for days, making me feel utterly worthless. Are you sure you're ready for all of this? Because if you're not, I'd rather you told me right here, right now."
"Caroline!" he exclaims, stepping forward to take me into his arms. "Of course you're worth it. I love you. I haven't felt this way in years. Hell, I don't think I ever felt quite like this. I know I screwed up, but it's scary. Way scarier than I like to admit to myself."
"Scary?" I repeat, my voice muffled against his chest.
"It scares me to my core to think of how much I love you already, even though we haven't been together that long," he says, pulling back so he can look me in the eye. "If I was still in my twenties, without an ex-wife and a daughter and without having to worry about your job... Caroline, if I could, I'd have you in my bed every single night, not just every other week."
While that's nice to hear, it's not enough. I don't just want to be in his bed, I want to be in every part of his life. "I thought I was more to you than just sex," I say, forcing myself to keep going, even though I just want to melt into him.
"Of course you are," he grunts. "I love you. Please, Caroline, forgive me for this week. I fucked up. I know I'm supposed to be old and wise enough not to get rattled by a few pictures of you dancing in a club, but fact is I did. And the fact that Elise is onto us and Annabel is messing around in our relationship didn't exactly help to calm me down. I was stupid and I will do anything I can to make that up to you."
"Okay." I still don't like what happened this past week, but he's only human. Nothing irreparable happened and I still love him. More than anything. And even though I'm not scared by that, not in the way he seems to be, I get that this is a lot to take in for him. We're in too deep for me to keep punishing him for messing up. No need to talk about it anymore, to waste more time on this than we already did. "Let's just get back to how things were."
He wants to say something, but I press my lips to his to shut him up. Even though I just told him I want to be more than just someone he has sex with, that doesn't mean I don't want to screw his brains out. After going without him for days without good reason, I need his touch. I need the reassurance only making love to him can give me. Hell, I just need some good old-fashioned make-up sex. Nothing wrong with that.
"Are you sure?" Nathan whispers when he feels my hands tugging at his belt. "You just said..."
"That I want to be more than just sex," I reply, tugging down his pants. "Not that I want the sex to stop. Now shut the hell up and do me."
He laughs softly. "Gladly."