"So, Elise," I press, wanting Nathan to get on with the story.
"Right," he grunts. "Elise. I moved in with her and proposed shortly after. We got married and she wanted to have kids right away, so we tried. And tried. And tried. Nothing happened, so we went to the doctor, got tested and it turned out that while I was perfectly virile, Elise had a hostile uterus. So hostile, in fact, that we tried IVF because we didn't seem to be able to get her pregnant the natural way, even with her treatments."
It was obvious he didn't want to get into that and I understood that. It must have been hard on Elise as well as him and I had a feeling he was still trying to protect her privacy somewhat, even though he was spilling a lot of her personal life to me.
"So Rose was conceived through IVF?" I ask, trying to get him out of his pensive state.
"No, actually, she was conceived when we got stupidly drunk after our one millionth fight. We were so stressed all the time and I had even tried talking her into waiting for a year or so before trying again, because the stress was making her a royal bitch and me an asshole." He shakes his head. "It's been a long time since I talked about that time of my life. We both weren't the best version of ourselves and I'd already started to wonder if we were even meant to be together at that point. I always thought that when you really love someone, you will support each other through dark times. I still think that, actually. I mean, sure, couples will always hit rough patches from time to time, but we were just so angry all the time. Our relationship was all about getting a kid and we didn't even have much love for each other anymore."
"But then she got pregnant and you stayed?" I get that. Of course he wasn't going to leave her when she got pregnant.
"Exactly," he agrees. "And that was stupid. Well, not that I stayed, I mean, what was I going to do? I wanted a kid and she was having mine, so I wasn't going anywhere. Looking back, I should have left her before she got pregnant. Then again, I wouldn't have Rose, so I guess it's a good thing I stayed."
It's so lovely to see the way his face lights up when he says Rose's name. He loves that little girl so much. And he should. She's lovely.
"And then, during her pregnancy, Elise cheated on me."
"What?!" I exclaim. "During her pregnancy?"
"Found her in our bed with her yoga-instructor." He laughs at my shocked expression. "Yeah, I was surprised too, to say the least. She said it was all the pregnancy hormones. I definitely should have left then, but she was carrying my baby, so I stayed."
"Holy fuck," I curse. "That's messed up."
"Oh, we haven't even gotten to the really good part yet," Nathan warns me. "Let's fast-forward a bit. I sort of forgave her for cheating, Rose came into the world and I fell utterly in love with that little girl. Elise's mother eased up on me once she realized I wasn't the awful father she thought I'd be-"
"You're an amazing father," I cut in.
His face falls. "I'm not feeling all that amazing these days."
We both grow silent when we remember everything that has happened. Poor Rose. Goddamn fucking asshole Trevor. I pull Nathan to me and stroke his hair.
"That's not your fault, Nate. You handled it in the best way possible once you found out."
He shakes his head. "No, you did. You found out and you handled it."
"Nathan, all I did was find a drawing and hand it over to you. You took care of Rose. And you didn't even race over to his house to kill him like you would have done back when you were 18."
He looks straight into my eyes and grunts. "I wanted to, though. I still want to. And if I somehow ever run into him in a dark alley, I can't promise I won't. I just can't do stupid shit like that anymore, not when I've got Rose to raise. It's bad enough that her dad has a criminal record. I can't go around beating people up anymore. Jail is not an option."
"Like I said, you're an amazing father." I caress his cheek and smile. "And if you change your mind, let me know. I'll cut off his dick and feed it to him. And I'll kill him after. I don't have kids to take care of+."
He smiles at my silly proposition. "Caroline, you've got a whole classroom full of kids who need you. Kids like Rose. Kids who need you to talk sense into their parents."
"Right," I agree with a grin. "Maybe murder isn't for me."
"Do you want the last of the story?" he asks. "Yeah? Okay. Turns out that while I was trying to learn how to change diapers without getting poop all over me, Elise was having another affair. With the manager of the local grocery store this time around. When I found out about it, I decided to leave her, but in the end, I didn't. I wanted Rose to have a real family and I decided to give Elise one last chance."
"Wow," I breathe. "Did you still love Elise at that point?"
Nathan shrugs and hesitates for a moment. "See this tattoo?" He points at the angel on his chest. "That's Elise. I mean, I got that when we got married because I thought she was an angel, my one true love, too good to be true. Boy, was I wrong. Still, she was good to me at the start of our relationship and she did love me."
"Cheating is a funny way of showing it." I glare at the angel tattoo. "Why didn't you get it removed?"
"My tattoos are the roadmap of my life," he explains looking down at himself. "Sometimes you take a wrong turn – doesn't make it any less part of your journey. Elise was and still is an important part of my life. I have Rose because of her. And it's not like she doesn't feel bad about her affairs. We both got in too fast too deep with each other and we were already too far into it when we realized we weren't right for each other. That's on me as much as it is on her. I worked late a lot, I wasn't very attentive..."
"You're the most attentive person I know," I argue.
He smirks. "In the bedroom, maybe."
"In all aspects," I insist.
"Caroline, you're only starting to see the real me." Nathan is absolutely serious. "You don't know what I'm like in a relationship."
"I know you." I'm not gonna sit here and let him tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about. Sure, I don't know everything about him yet, but we're slowly getting there. "Tell me, Nathan. Do you feel like you're just now getting to know me, during the two dates we've had? Or did you already know what sort of a person I was in the first week we spent together?"
He frowns. "A little of both, I guess? I knew you were amazing from the start, but I'm learning new things every time we see each other that tell me more about you."
I smile. That's nice to hear, obviously. "I feel the same way. That being said, I trusted you from the start. If I don't trust someone, I don't give them a key to my house. And I surely don't let them cuff me to my bed. You're a good person, Nathan. And trust me when I say that you are definitely very attentive."
"Fine," he says, finally accepting the compliment. "Maybe I am with you. I wasn't always that way with Elise, trust me. We brought out the worst in each other."
"Why did you finally get divorced?" I ask. "Did she cheat on you again?"
"No, it was way worse." Nathan's hands clench into fists and I jerk back my hand so he won't squish it. "Sorry," he breathes. "I've never actually told anyone this."
"Told anyone... what?"
He closes his eyes and doesn't open them when he starts talking. "I was cleaning the house and decided to alphabetize the books in our bedroom. When I picked up one of Elise's books, something fell out. It was..." He's hurting just by remembering, but he goes on. "...a paternity test."
"What?!" I don't know what else to say. Rose isn't his? Did Elise cheat on him when they were trying to get pregnant?
"She's mine," Nathan says softly. "Thank God for that. Rose is mine. The results were clear, she's my kid for sure."
"Oh," I say softly, putting my arms around him so I can pull him into a tight embrace. "Nathan..."
"She cheated on me God only knows how many times while we were trying to have a baby," he spat out, his voice dark with rage. "She confessed when I confronted her. She ordered the test when Rose got born, yet she never told me. She never even planned on telling me, not even if Rose hadn't been mine. She kicked and screamed and insisted that she hadn't cheated on me since I gave her the ultimatum and that this was all in the past, but I..." He finally hugs me back, holding onto me tightly.
"That's when you left her," I realize, "and you kissed her best friend to get back at her."
"Yes," he confirms. "I never should have done that, of course. It was such a juvenile thing to do, but she'd been flirting with me for months and I knew she wasn't gonna say no to me. I wanted Elise to hurt like I did." He pulls back a little so he can look at me. "I didn't sleep with her. It was just a kiss and a bit of touching, but we didn't even get naked."
"Are you seriously trying to explain why you wanted to cheat on her?" I shake my head at him. "Nathan, you're too good for this world. Of course you got upset. Of course you wanted to hurt her. And no, that may not have been smart, but you were hurting. You could have hit Elise or thrown her stuff out the window or tried to kill the guy she cheated on you with. Instead, you kissed her best friend. Big fucking deal. I'd totally understand if you'd slept with her."
Nathan looks relieved and I realize he had been worried about what I would think. Worried that I would think he was some kind of horrible cheater. He's too good for this cruel world for sure.
"Wait..." I pause and replay his words in my head. "Did you say you never told anyone this before?"
He shakes his head.
"Then... how did you explain to other people why you and Elie got divorced? Did you tell them about her cheating on you?"
"No, no, of course not," he says quickly. "My two best friends, my mother and my sister know about her affairs, but I've never told anyone about the paternity test. Elise found out I kissed her friend and she went off on me, even told people that my infidelity was the reason we split up. I just... went with it, I guess."
"Nathan!" I can't believe this. Why would he let people think he was some cheating bastard when it had been Elise who had fucked up everything?
"I don't give a shit about what other people think," Nathan explains. "I just don't want Rose to find out about this. When you tell someone a secret, there's always chance it gets out. She loves her mother and I never want that to change. And I don't want her to look at me any differently either. Plus, I really don't like talking about this."
"Why are you telling me then?"
"Because I trust you." His eyes find mine and he pushes my hair out of my face. "And for the first time in a very long time, I want someone to know me. All of me. The real me. This is part of me, even though I don't want it to be."
There's not a single response I can think of that can truly explain how honored I feel to be the person he's opening up to, so I just kiss him, trying to convey just how deeply I care for him. I don't know how this happened, how we're here on Shaughna's couch talking about his deepest darkest secrets after only knowing each other for three months, but here we are.
"Enough heavy talk," Nathan decides when we break apart. I can tell he doesn't want me to ask any more questions or say anything else to him about it. It's already a major break-through for him to tell me all of this.
"TV?" I ask, handing him the remote.
I sit down between his legs, my back against his bare chest and he drapes the blanket over us, putting his arms around me. We watch reruns of Friends for a while, laughing along with the jokes and commenting on how young the actors still were back then.
Nathan relaxes more and more with every minute that passes and after about an hour, his hands start slowly traveling over my body, grazing my breasts lightly and running his fingers up and down my sides, making me shiver. I lean my head back against him and close my eyes, enjoying how perfect this moment is. I could get used to this – watching TV, chatting, touching...
"Is Shaughna ever coming back to her own apartment?" Nathan whispers while he moves one hand to cup my breast, rubbing his thumb over my nipple.
"Probably," I breathe, unable to concentrate.
"How much time do you think we have?" he asks, his voice deep with arousal. His dick is already twitching against my back.
"Long enough," I say, even though I truly have no idea. She texted me earlier that she was going to help Dshawn clean up before heading back home, but that was hours ago. I have no idea what she's up to right now. She might be in a similar position with Dshawn right now, for all I know. Hell, she could be cuffed to his bed or bent over a table. And yes, she could also be right outside, ready to walk in. Right now, I couldn't care less.
Nathan pulls up my shirts and massages both of my breasts, taking his time before taking my nipples between his fingers and twisting them slightly. I moan and he grunts, moving slightly against me to find some relief for his growing bulge. I try to move so I can touch him as well, but he holds me firmly against him, not letting me out of our current position.
"Nathan..." I breathe, shivering as he moves one hand into my shorts and underpants.
"Yes, Caroline?" he asks with a smile in his voice.
I want to move, to take off my pants, to touch him and see him and feel him, but he still won't let me. I spread my legs a bit to give him more access and he grunts when he feels how wet I am. He starts moving his fingers, finding that tiny bud easily. Moans escape my mouth when he finds the exact right pace and twists my nipple with his other hand.
"You better come soon," he grunts in my ear. "I wanna take you right here on this couch before your friends comes home. Tell me what you need me to do."
"This," I respond, not able to form coherent thought nor sentences. I don't need him to do anything else than what he's already doing. He nips at my earlobe with his teeth and I cry out when I feel how close that pushes me to the edge.
Suddenly, he stops, his hands freezing on my body. I moan and move against him, trying to get him to go back to what he was doing. He chuckles and stays perfectly still, enjoying how desperate I am for my release.
"Please," I beg. "Nathan, please."
"Fine," he responds, moving a single finger over my nipple, making me gasp. "Only because you ask so nicely."
The minute his fingers move over my core again, my body starts to tremble. I can't remember ever reaching an orgasm this fast without any biting or hitting or anything of the sort. I just melt into Nathan, not caring how loud I am as I feel waves of pleasure coursing through my body. He continues his sweet assault, not stopping when my climax dies down.
"Come for me again," he whispers in my air. "It's so fucking hot when you lose control."
It's like my body is under some sort of spell, since almost immediately that fire starts burning between my legs again and I gasp when he shifts slightly so he can wrap his hand around my throat, choking me so hard that it hurts. He releases some pressure so I can breathe, but squeezes tightly again, ordering me to come for him.
The moment I climax, Nathan starts moving to take off both of our pants. He takes a condom out of the pocket of his jeans and I help him get naked before I take the condom from him, rolling it over his erection. He grunts in response and grabs my hips so he can position me on top of him, lowering me onto him until he's filling me up completely. We both let out little sounds of pleasure when I start moving, but he's not patient with me this time. He digs his finger into my skin and slams me into him again and again until he comes with a feral grunt.
I collapse on top of him, breathing hard. He kisses me hungrily and flips me over to go again in a different position, but we're startled when we hear the front door open and close.
"Fuck," he curses, pushing me off so he can pull his pants back on.
I've still got my shirt on and I pull it down over my stomach, but I don't have time to pull on my shorts and underpants, so I just grab the blanket to cover up.
Shaughna bursts into the living room and opens her mouth the say something, freezing up for a moment when she sees Nathan flopping down on the couch, trying to hide my shorts and underpants behind a pillow, and me under the blanket with probably the wildest sex-hair ever.
"Well, well, well," she says with a wide grin. "What have you kids been up to?"
Nathan is looking like a deer caught in headlights, but sadly, this is not the first time she's walked in on me having sex. At least this time we're both sort of clothed. I remember a time when she let herself into my apartment to grab something she left behind, thinking that I wasn't home, and finding me and Danny going at it in the kitchen. She'd caught me in the shower with Jordan too, back when we'd shared a dorm room. And it wasn't like I hadn't found Shaughna in far more compromising positions with a wide variety of guys.
"I texted you," she tells me with a smirk, "since I figured you might need a heads-up before I came back home, but I guess you were too busy to check your phone."
I groan and roll my eyes at her. "Next time, don't come in before I text you back."
"Hey, it's my apartment," she reminds me. "And that's my couch you were just fucking on."
Nathan curses underneath his breath, embarrassed.
"Don't worry, honey," she tells him. "That couch got ruined by me and... well, I don't remember his name, but that couch has been through a lot worse than you and Caroline having a... moment."
"Ewwwww," I respond, grossed out by the idea of some random guy screwing my best friend on the same spot I was just fucking Nathan. "Shaughna!"
"I'll go into my bedroom for a minute so you can get your panties back on." She winks at me, turning her attention on Nathan next. "Nice abs, Nathanial. Nice bulge, too." With that, she walks into her bedroom, grinning.
"Fuck," Nathan states simply.
I laugh. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure I'll walk in on her and Dshawn soon enough."
He shakes his head. "This is not at all what I thought meeting your best friend would be like. Getting drunk at a party and her walking in on us... I'm making such a horrible first impression."
Getting up from the couch to put on my clothes, I look down on him with a smile. "Trust me, this is the best impression you could possibly make on Shaughna. If you'd come over in a suit and tie, shaking her hand and being the perfect gentleman, she would like you way less."
"Just so you know," he says as he moves to the bathroom to find his shirt, "my friends are not at all like Shaughna. Please be sober and fully dressed when I introduce you to them one day."
"I'm not promising anything."