Napalunok ako. A strange feeling enveloped me. I wiped the beads of sweats dripping on me.
Kinagat ko ang labi upang hindi tuluyang tumulo ang luhang nagbabadya sa akin. Why am I emotional? Ito naman ang kagustuhan ko at ngayong nakamit na, bakit parang gusto kong bawiin?
I would like it if at the very first time, I didn't know him. Mas gugustuhin ko pa kung simula una ay hindi ko siya nakilala at nakasama ng maikling panahon. Pero hindi, eh.
After he confessed, everything changed. Pinagbigyan niya ako, hindi ako nagreklamo. Bakit ang sakit lang sa parte ko?
Reese tapped my shoulder as if she knows what I'm feeling. Binigyan ko siya ng ngiti upang masiguradong maayos lang ako.
"Okay lang 'yan. Don't be sad about it."
Hindi ko siya pinansin. We went to our next class. Buong oras ng klase ay tulala lang ako at hindi maka-concentrate. My mind is filled all about him. Hindi ko na namamalayan na unti-unti na akong nilalamon ng antok.
It was that day when I finally realized that it's over, that we are not longer the so called 'friends'. Sumunod ang mga araw na iyon ang nangyari. He became busy on the club.
Napadaan ako sa harap ng club nila at pasimpleng napatingin doon. Since it's like an open place, I can clearly see all members there. Napatago ako sa likod ng malaking puno at tanging ulo lang ang nakatingin sa kanila, tago ang katawan.
My eyes went immediately to Enzo who's teaching a newbie. Katulad na katulad sa kung anong ginagawa niya sa akin noon tuwing nagtuturo siya.
He's holding his guitar and guiding the girl is just an inch away from him. I deeply stared at them. He's so professional when teaching someone. Hindi inaalintana ang atensyon na nakukuha mula sa ibang estudyante. All he did was just performing and teaching his skills.
Dati, ako ang nasa pwesto niya. Ngayon ay nakatingin na lang sa malayuan.
How I wish he didn't confess to me so that I can still talk to him. Na sana hindi na niya ako nagawang gustuhin para hindi umabot sa ganito.
I think, I now believe on the old saying that you'll regret anything at the end. Sa huli ang pagsisisi. I now regret about what I did to him.
Mula sa hindi pag-consider ng kanyang nararamdaman niya sa akin noon, sa hindi ko pagpansin sa mga galaw niya na nagpapahiwatig ng pagkagusto sa akin.
Well I think I really deserve this. Nararapat lang sa akin na huwag pansinin kasi sino ba naman ang makakatiis? I'm good but I don't consider anyone's feelings towards me.
Umalis ako doon. I hurriedly left them there. Iwinaksi ko na sa isip ang lahat ng nakita.
I breathed in and let myself be not out of place with my friends. We decided to eat together since it's like an ages since we gathered while eating on restaurants. I joined their excitement on the upcoming mini concert of Labyrinth.
"What time ba kasi event niyo?" Emerald asked while eating her steak. I ordered few foods only. Pasta, crème brulee and an iced tea only.
I'm not on a diet. It's just that I don't feel eating that much today.
"It's evening. Hanggang 8 pm iyon so kaya kung pwede agahan niyo doon, ha? That school don't consider late comers."
Summer groaned. Napagplanuhan nilang dalawa ni Emerald na umabsent sa araw na iyon sa class nila just for the Labyrinth's concert.
I'm feeling half-half. Half excited, half planning of not coming on that event. Wala rin naman akong maiaambag sa activities na naroon kaya hindi ko alam kung makakapunta ba akong school sa umaga.
"So what will be the plan? Save us a seat! Kayo naman ang mga estudyante roon kaya dapat lang na kayo gumawa ng paraan para sa amin."
Reese shook her head.
"Nah-uh. Basta huwag kayong ma-late kung gusto niyo silang makita. Aba, marami-raming mga estudyante rin ang pupunta."
Napasimangot silang dalawa. They have no choice but to come early. Paunahan lang din naman iyon kaya sigurado akong mapupuno kaagad ang field. Masyadong malawak iyon at alam kong mauukupa kaagad.
Napatingin sila sa akin na na tahimik lang habang kumakain ng pasta. They eyed me curiosly before turning their eyes into a slit.
Saglit kong pinunasan ang gilid ng labi bago nagsalita.
"I don't think I can come on that night." They all gasped. Natawa ako sa sabay-sabay nilang reaksyon. Reese immediately protested.
"Hoy! Bakit ayaw mo naman? Dati ikaw naman ang nang-aaya sa amin para makita si Isaac?"
"Yes. And months before the concert, sobrang ready na lahat ng dadalhin mo. What happened now?Y ou look not excited at all, Tan."
"Ayaw mo bang makita si Isaac? Or is it because of Enzo?"
Pinilit ko ang sariling hindi maapektuhan sa sinabi nila. Umiling ako. I tucked some strands of my hair and then rested my chin on my hand.
"No. It's just that I don't really feel watching them at school. Mas gusto kong sa concert nila mismo," I reasoned out. That was a full lie.
And yes, they're right. Dati kasi ako iyong laging nangungulit sa kanila para sa concert. I've been telling them many times to prepare everything so that we can go to the concert grounds without leaving some things behind us.
Sadyang nawawalan lang ako ng gana ngayon. Part of it was because of Enzo. The rest... I don't know. Wala akong masagap na dahilan para sa kalahati niyon.
"It's still the same. They still have their talents. Iyong lugar lang naman ang nag-iba so why bother, Tan?Ngayon ka lang naging ganito, ah?"
"And we already know what happened between you and Enzo. And guess what? I understand you. Kaibigan kita kaya alam kong hindi mo rin naman kasalanang hindi malaman na may nararamdaman siya para sa'yo," Summer added.
"We ship you two pero siguro hindi naman talaga kayo ang para sa isa't isa. Chill. Don't mind him anymore, okay?"
"Isa pa, huwag mong masyadong bigyan lahat ng nararamdaman mo iyong si Enzo. Stop thinking about him."
"I am not thinking about him—"
"Oops, you can't lie to us, Tania."
I don't know how they managed to tell me those. They understood me. At hindi ko alam kung paano na lang kung hindi ko sila kasama ngayon.
It's not that I'm being broken because of Enzo. Sadyang masyado lang akong naapektuhan sa sarili kong kagustuhan.
"Okay, fine. I'll go to the concert. Just like before, I'll create a banner for Isaac."
And they cheered. Napangiti ako dahil doon. They're very supportive to me. Aside from my parents who always pushes me to anything I want, they are here.
Sa huli ay nakisabay ako sa naging plano nila. I happily joined them for real now.
"Guys, since my birthday is fast approaching now, what do you think is the best theme for it?" Emerald asked. Natapos na iyong kinain ko at iniba ang topic pagkatapos noong pag-uusap.
Summer and Reese made a deep thinking. I cleared my throat to suggest something.
Malapit na pala iyon. Every year, she's inviting us to her party. At sa bawat taon ay paiba-iba ang kanyang theme. And I can say that we'll be sleeping being drunk again.
Last year, I got drunk so I slept in their house without going home. Nakakahiya dahil nagsuka pa ako sa kama nila noo. But it was fun though.
"A pool party I guess? If that will do for you," suhestyon ko. Napatango-tango siya saka inilagay sa notes niya iyon.
"Or maybe you can rent a hotel for that and invite Labyrinth! 'Di ba iyon din naman ang gusto mo?" Reese nodded also. Tila iyon rin ang naging laman ng kanyang isip.
"Tama! You can invite them! Total ay mukhang patay na patay ka kay Finn 'di ba? Kaya bakit hindi mo gawin?" She glared at Reese because of that. Umamba itong babatukan pero kaagad na napailag si Reese.
"You can suggest without saying that word to me, Reese. Kung hindi lang naiinis sa'yo si Eustace—"
"Cut saying the shit's name. Alam mo namang sa lahat sa kanila, siya iyong mukhang demonyo."
Emerald laughed. Napansin ko na tuwing nababanggit iyong pangalan ni Eustace ay kaagad na umiiba ang mood niya. From happy to annoyed. That's how Eustace affects her.
"Okay. So I'll go to a hotel and invite Labyrinth. Sigurado kayo, ah?" Tumango iyong dalawa, ako lang ang hindi nakisama. She listed it on her notes before proceeding to her next plan.
Mukhang sa lahat ng celebrant ay siya iyong nagpapaka-busy sa party niya. Instead of talking it with her parents, she talks us about it. Tanging ginagawa niya lang ay ang sabihin sa kanila ang finished plan.
They're filthy rich, reason why she's always present at Labyrinth's concert.
Ilang suggestions pa ang napag-usapan at napagkasunduan namin. Of course, it has its agreement on it.
"I'll go for a champagne themed birthday this year. Prepare your dresses and don't forget to wear the sexiest one. Baka doon kayo makahanap ng boyfriends!" she joked. Reese groaned while Summer nodded. Napatango na rin ako dahil iyon ang final decision.
If Labyrinth's invited, then there's a possibility that Enzo will be there too. Hindi ko ma-imagine na magkakasama kaming lahat sa iisang lugar at event. But definitely not their concert. It's a freakin' birthday party.
I don't know if he'll talk to me on that day? Hindi naman ako umaasa. Hindi ko naman birthday kaya bakit ako hihiling na ganoon nga ang mangyayari?
When we finished, we went out immediately. Good thing dad gave me the car already. Wala nang dumi at kung anong mga nakasulat doon. I can ride on it now.
Saglit akong napadaan sa isang store. It's actually the store where the owner sells the expensive but good quality dresses, jewelries and anything. I usually buy my dresses here so I was hoping to have a reserve for my dress on Emerald's party.
The staff greeted me when I went in. I chose some dresses on there. There's a lot of choices so I went to a champagne colored slip satin dress with a slit on the right part that is fit on me. I reserved it.
And then I went to my unit. It is actually my routine everytime each of us is inviting me on their birthday. Lagi akong nag a-advance bumili ng dress for it. Nothing. I just want to be fully prepared on it.
The mini concert day came. Maaga pa lang ay hindi ako dinapuan ng kasipagan upang bumangon mula sa higaan. It's 9 am and I'm still lying. Our group chat's noisy but I didn't bother to check it.
Nakahiga lang ako at nakatingin sa kisame. Kinuha ko ang phone saka binuksan ang IG.
A recent post from Isaac which tells about their schedule. Four of them posted it. At isa iyon sa nakadagdag sa posts ni Enzo.
It says that 6:30 in the evening later, they will have a free mini concert at our school. Hula ko'y alas kwatro pa lang ng hapon ay baka maraming tao na nandoon.
I tried getting some informations about it through their stories but only got a glimpse. Tanging pasilip lang sa kanilang magiging performance nila.
They'll play some song covers only later so I guess Enzo really told Isaac that he will sing a Silent Sanctuary's song. At iyon ang hindi ko palalagpasin mamaya. I'll be waiting for that.
Sinubukan ko ring i-stalk si Enzo kaso hindi na siya active. He just posted a picture of their schedule for today and then went inactive like nothing happened.
Napabangon ako at kumain. I didn't answer Reese's calls. I made a banner which contains the name of Isaac in there.
It's in a white cartolina and black marker. Simple lang pero kapag iwinagayway ko mamaya ay baka may tyansang mapansin niya ulit.
I finished my breakfast and went cleaning my unit. Natapos akong akong mag a-ala una na ng hapon. That's when my friends started to call me unpatiently. Naligo na rin ako at nagbihis lamang ng simple bago na bumaba ng unit at pumunta ng school.
"Tangina naman Tania! Kanina pa ako tawag ng tawag pero walang sumasagot! Ano, nasa'n ka na?!Punyeta naiinip na ako, ah!" Natawa ako sa inis na inis na boses ni Reese sa kabilang linya.
"On the way na. Calm your mind now."
"Oo kasi kapag ako napagod kakahintay dito, uuwi ako!"
"Chill. Lapit na akong parking."
So when I reached it, I immediately went to the field and welcomed by Reese's angry face. Nakareserve na sila ng seat at nasa tabi niya sina Summer at Emerald.
I presented to buy some drinks and food for us. Kahit pambawi man lang sa pagiging late. Tanging binili ko na lang ay ang burgers, softdrinks and fries with waters also. Nang makabalik na ako ay nagmi-mic test na.
Naupo ako sa bakanteng upuan. We're on the second row so it's not bad. And I was right. The seats are fully occupied by now.
There's a wide stage in front of us and lights on it. May harang din na nasa harapan ng first row ng seats saka mga bouncers in case na may lumagpas doon. Naka set-up na rin halos ang entablado, presensya na lang nila ang kulang.
"Akala ko kinain ka na ng unit mo. Buti naman nakaabot ka pa," reklamo ni Reese at hinablot sa akin iyong burger saka kinain.
"I cleaned my unit. Well at least, you reserved me a seat. You're truly a good friend." Binigay ko rin sa dalawa iyong natira. Umirap ito sa akin, naroon pa rin ang bahid ng inis.
Then the Coldplay songs played. Saglit akong nabulunan nang malakas na tumugtog iyon. Napainom ako ng tubig. Biglang pumasok sa isipan ko ang pagiging fan boy ni Enzo sa bandang iyon.
Ugh. Siya na naman. I am here for Isaac, not him so why he's occupying my mind again?
We waited for hours until the darkness surrounded us. Madilim na pero iyong banda ay malapit nang lumabas. It's exactly 6:30 when they finally showed up. Napuno ng hiyawan kaagad ang field.
That's when I stood up when I finally saw Isaac, smiling and holding his mic.