Chapter Thirty-One: In His Arms
"Hallie!" My mom called from around the side of the house, "Come help me with this board!"
The hurricane was supposed to be arriving tomorrow and because we were so close to the beach, we were boarding up all of the windows. It had thankfully downgraded from Category 3 to Category 2, but it would still be hitting us pretty hard.
Mitchell, his dad, my mom, and I were working on boarding up all the windows, while his mom and Jill were currently at the store, getting food and gallons of water. I ran to the side of the house to help my mom hold a rather large board up to the window while Mitchell and his dad attached it to the window.
Mitchell had shed his shirt about twenty minutes ago and kept throwing me winks while we were working. He was very fit and very lean, there was no doubt he was in good shape, and guarding had only enhanced that. Him and Connor were actually very similar, Mitchell was just a couple inches shorter and a little bit less bulky.
I'd heard nothing from Connor. I didn't know how he was or what was he doing. I wondered if he was at home, with his family again, or if he was still alternating between George and Logan's house. I knew neither of them minded having him stay at theirs, but knowing Connor... he would. He was never one to ask for favors or do anything to inconvenience anyone.
When we were together, he refused to let me pay for anything of his, and it took a hell of a lot of convincing for him to let me pay for my own food. He would always drive me home in the morning if I slept over after a party, and it took forever for him to finally open up to me about things that were bothering him.
I'd probably ruined that.
Even though I knew I shouldn't, I was still extremely worried about him, but as I glanced over at Mitchell to see another one of his cute smiles, I knew I wouldn't call him. It might eat me up inside, but the guilt of calling him and knowing it would upset Mitchell would kill me, not to mention if Mitchell found out.
The wind had already started to pick up outside, and there were clouds beginning to roll into the area. The waves on the strip of ocean in our backyard crashed loudly onto the shore. They were picking up, angry and violent already, and I saw a frown forming on my mom's face.
I knew why.
Every time there was a lower category hurricane, some of the guards would go out and try to surf the big waves. It was extremely dangerous, but it was also one of the most thrilling, rush of adrenaline type things that you could do.
I remember I had gone out last year with Connor, Wes, and Miles while they thought me and Connor were still just friends. We had wiped out more times than I could count, but the momentary fleeting second of freedom you feel once you catch onto one of those waves is worth the fall every time.
I saw my mom begin giving me and Mitchell worried glances through the side of her eyes when she thought I wasn't looking. My mom had always been pretty chill, but I knew she didn't want me going out again. She was of the opinion that forbidding your kid from doing something would only wanna make them do it more, that you should support your kid and make sure they're safe in whatever they do rather than push them away.
However, after the fourth or so side glance I spoke up, "Don't worry, mom. I won't go this year."
Mitchell's head turned toward me with confusion clouding his eyes while my mom sighed a breath of relief.
"Go where?" He asked.
"A lot of guards go surfing before a big hurricane comes because of the waves," I saw Mitchell's eyes light up at the mention, "But it's very dangerous for novice and even intermediate surfers." I finished, giving him a pointed look.
He sighed. He wasn't a bad surfer, but he was definitely still virtually new to it, and after that stunt he had pulled a month or so ago with the night surfing, I knew he didn't want to mess with me.
"Do you know when they're going?" My mom asked, biting her lip.
"Tonight, 7 p." I answered her, not quite making eye contact. Most of my friends were going. They had texted me to let me know since I still hadn't really talked to any of them, and I had simply turned them down. After I saw the worried look once again cloud my mom's eyes, I reaffirmed to her, "Mom, I'm not going, I promise."
My mom's mouth still turned down slightly as if she didn't believe me, but I truly wasn't going. Partly because I knew that Connor would be there, and partly because I didn't want Mitchell going with me and risking getting hurt.
We returned our attention to getting the house prepared for the storm. Thankfully, there were no trees within falling distance of the house, and we had a backup generator in case the power went out because we did get lots of Hurricanes during the season.
+++
Mitchell, Jill, and I were downstairs still, watching the fourth movie in the Harry Potter series. Our parents had retired after the second one, and watching Jill's head constantly dip down before shooting back up after she woke up, I could tell she was about to go up to bed as well.
Sure enough, after the credits for the fourth movie began rolling, she stood up with a yawn and her arms stretched out. "I'm gonna go to bed, night guys," she said with a small smile and walked up the stairs.
I turned back to look at Mitchell, who I was cuddled into, "What do you say, fifth movie?" he asked me with a sleepy grin.
"Let's do it," I replied with a grin of my own and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.
It was almost midnight, the wind was still going crazy outside, but the storm hadn't quite reached us yet. The air was misting, and I knew the guards at the beach would probably all be heading home now if they hadn't already.
We were halfway through the movie, Mitchell's arms wrapped around my waist when my phone buzzed on the coffee table adjacent to me. I reached my arm out to grab it and sat up immediately after reading the first few words of a text from George.
'connor won't leave the waves. it's getting real nasty, i think he's been drinking.' he said in his short but powerful text. I removed myself from Mitchell's hold, and he rolled over and shifted but didn't wake up.
'omw' I responded, quickly running up to my room to throw on some pants and a hoodie and grab my keys.
I sped to the beach. It was dangerous, especially since the roads were slick and visibility was low, but I didn't care. I knew I just needed to get to Connor and rip him a new one for being so completely stupid. I pulled my car right up to the beach entrance, not even parking in a spot and ran onto the sand, where the rain was beginning to fall down.
I ran straight up to Brittany, who was the only one on the beach, before spotting Logan and George in waist deep water calling for Connor to paddle in. Squinting further, I even noticed that Wes was paddling out the distance to Connor, trying to reach him, but constantly being set back and pushed apart by the violent waves.
When Brittany saw me she sighed, "Good, you're here. I'm fucking going now." she huffed and began running off the beach toward her car.
I pulled my track pants down, revealing my Nike pros underneath, and ripped off my hoodie, throwing it on the sand and wading into the water. "Connor!" I shouted, trying to wave and get his attention.
I made it to where George and Logan were, "He won't get his ass out of the water." George said angrily, though I could hear the worry seeping into his tone. "Everyone else left already."
"We tried to drag him out, but we can't get near him." Logan sighed quietly.
"Yeah, Wes is staying out there with him, just in case, but the waves are too harsh for us to drag him in unwillingly. He just slips away from us when a big one crashes on us and we lose our hold." George added.
Wes was also the strongest swimmer out of all the guards probably. I'd have to make sure to thank him immensely for not leaving with the others.
"What do I do?" I asked him, almost yelling over the overpowering sound of the wind and rain.
I watched George and Logan share a nervous look.
"Connor!" I shouted again, watching him glance at me and look away.
"Go home, Hallie!" Connor yelled back at me, "I'll be out soon, I just gotta catch a big one." His voice was determined, set, and quite honestly slightly insane.
"He's not thinking straight," I muttered to myself in realization. "I have to go in after him," I said loudly, turning to Logan and George.
"No," George said firmly.
"I have to!" I yelled back at him.
"You won't, I don't care if we have to physically restrain you, you're not going out there," George repeated. "It's too dangerous." I could see his eyes glinting with worry even though visibility was terrible.
It was only then that I fully realized what Connor mean when he said that George talks a load of crap and acts like an asshole but is actually a good guy.
I'd always assumed it was a way of him covering up for George's bad behavior, or that he was only saying it because him and George were friends. And yes, George often took things way too far, and doesn't care about anyone's feelings, but at heart- he wasn't a terrible person.
"Connor, please!" I shouted at him which he ignored. I felt hopeless. He was being reckless, treating his life as if it were just a game, a joke, and I had no clue what to do. The rain was only getting harder, and the waves weren't getting any smaller or less violent. My mind was only focused on one thing, Connor. I couldn't lose him, and I knew just how dangerous this was.
"Connor, please come in!" My words seemed to have no effect on him, he was ignoring me. "Connor, this isn't worth it! It's not worth it!" Still nothing. "Please, for me!" I asked him, and watched as he seemed to be considering, at least more so than my previous words.
I could faintly see him shake his head, "Hallie, just leave! It's dangerous out here!" He yelled at me from the waves.
"I know you, dumbass!" I yelled back at him, "I know it's dangerous, but I don't know why you're being so reckless with your life!"
"I don't matter! Nobody would care if I-" His voice broke as he cut off his words.
"Connor Wilson! If you truly believe that you are stupider than I thought!" I yelled back at him, laughing slightly at the ridiculous thought as the salty ocean spray mixed with that of my tears. I could see him sit up on his board slightly, listening to me. "There are so many people who care about you, and so many people who need you! I need you! So please, come in!" I told him. It felt like I was pouring out my heart and finally being honest with myself.
The words weren't just words I was saying to get Connor to come in, they were all true. I meant it all. Especially when I said I needed him. Mitchell was going to have to learn to deal with that, or...
I could see Connor nod faintly. The wind was picking up, the rain was falling harder now, and the ocean was merciless as ever. He began to paddle back in, and I swore I saw Wes breathe a sigh of relief as he as well began to paddle in.
And that was when it happened, a huge wave broke on Connor. Since he was paddling in, he was right in the perfect spot.
"No!" I screamed out as I saw his surfboard shoot into the air, snapped in half by the impact. Wes, who had been slightly further out then Connor had ducked down before it broke on him.
He popped up moments later, but Connor?
"No, no, no no no." I screamed, running into the waves where I was currently waist deep to Connor. Before I could get too far, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and pull me back. "No! Let me go! Let me fucking go!" I screamed, kicking my legs and thrashing my arms, but the hold only tightened on me, using the momentum of the waves to pull me back and drag me to the shore.
"I can't." I heard George say grimly from behind me.
"I'll find him, Hallie!" Wes yelled before paddling out, searching the spot where the wave had crashed on Connor.
George roughly pulled me onto the sand because I was still struggling against him as Logan began swimming out towards Wes to help him.
"Let me go, George!" I screamed hysterically, crying. "If we all search we'll find him faster."
"No." He replied angrily, "Do you really think you're in a state to be looking for him right now? Do you really think he would want me to let you?"
"I don't care! I don't care, just let me go!" I shouted at him, pounding my fist at his chest as he held me down on the shore, standing over me.
"You don't think this hurts me as much as it hurts you?" George asked me, finally yelling back, "He's been my best friend since before I was even born practically! And because of that, I know he would kill me if anything happened to you, so I have to stay on this damn beach with you to make sure you don't do anything stupid when I could be out there too!"
"Then go!" I yelled at him.
"If you promise you'll stay here." He said, lowering his volume.
I watched Logan and Wes not having any luck, the ocean was huge and Connor could be anywhere. He needed to pop up or be found soon, or we might not find him.
"Go!" I yelled.
"Swear it!" George replied."
"I swear, I'll stay here." I told him, tears still falling out of my eyes.
With that, George wasted no time running into the waves, diving and swimming as soon as the water reached his knees. I crawled back on the beach, out of the sand, running to the lifeguard stand, trying to reach higher ground and look for Connor.
I was thankful for the street lights providing some sort of luminescence since we were on a public strip of beach, but visibility was still low.
I could spot three in the water, but I was looking for four. I began praying under my breath, "Please God, please. I need him to be okay," my eyes scanned the water.
And then I spotted it, an arm, thrashing about a ways off shore. He must have been carried out by a rip current. I screamed at the top of my lungs, jumping and pointing, as at an elevated position, I could see what the boys could not easily see.
"He's there!" I screamed, pointing "Far out, behind you George!" My voice was straining, and I was worried they couldn't hear me, but as George began furiously swimming backward, I knew he had. I watched him get closer and closer to Connor, who was fighting to stay up, swimming out of the rip current had probably taken a lot out of him.
When George reached him and wrapped an arm around him, I collapsed in a sigh of relief in the tower, my tears which had halted in apprehension and anxiety resuming immediately. Wes reached them next, pushing his board toward Connor, who propped himself on it to rest for a moment.
Next thing I knew, they were all swimming into the shore, and I sprinted out of the tower, meeting them when the water was about knee-deep. I launched myself at Connor, wrapping my limbs around him in a hug, still crying.
The surprise of it as well as his exhaustion caused us to fall into the water, but he didn't remove his grip, hugging me back just as fiercely. He managed to stand up and carry me onto the sand with me still in his arms.
I knew it was selfish, but I didn't care. I was pissed at him, I was worried about him, I was so incredibly glad he was okay.
I dropped my legs from around his waist as the rain poured down around us, "You asshole." I said angrily, hitting my hand into his chest.
"Woah," Wes said quickly, "Go easy, Hal."
"No," Connor sighed, pulling away from me and stepping back, "She's right."
I pulled him right back into a hug though. "Why?" I murmured him quietly in his ear, hoping my voice betrayed just how heartbroken I was at his words from earlier, specifically the part where he said nobody would care.
"I'm messed up, Hal. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," He sighed, squeezing me tighter. "God, I'm so messed up."
"You're not," I replied, my heart hurting.
"No, I am." He replied, he pulled away and this time I let him, he glanced at the guys as if to ask them for some space, and they complied. Once they were out of earshot, he continued, "I don't know what's wrong with me. My mind keeps telling me all these things. I don't have anyone to tell- I mean, Lo and G are great, but I just don't want them to think less of me," He sighed looking down.
I pulled his face back up to look me in the eyes, "They would never. They could never. They love you so damn much, Connor. We all do, I mean, we're out in a damn hurricane for you. You matter to so many people."
I watched what I thought was a tear roll down his cheek, though I couldn't be sure because of the rain.
"I-I should have been there for you." I realized, looking down in shame.
"I get why you can't" Connor said, and I looked back up to see him standing there with a sad smile, "It's okay, Hallie."
I opened my mouth to speak but closed it because I had no words. When I finally found them, I said, "No, it's not. It's not okay."
It wasn't okay. It wasn't okay for Mitchell to inadvertently control who I did and didn't talk to by making me feel guilty. If he had insecurities, he needed to learn to trust me and get over them. I wasn't going to make the same mistake again. Looking at Connor's broken face, I knew he needed more than me. He needed help, but he also needed me to be there for him.
"But Mitchell-" Connor started.
"Fuck that," I interrupted quickly. "I don't care what he thinks, he doesn't control me."
"Hal, I don't want to strain or ruin your relationship-"
"Connor, listen to me. You're a part of my life, I'm not going to ignore you because he's uncomfortable with me talking to you. He's gonna have to learn to deal with it." I told him, speaking slowly and truthfully.
"I just want you to be happy," he said softly, looking down, "Don't let me be the reason you're not happy."
"Connor," I breathed out, struggling to keep my voice from wavering, I reached out and grabbed his hands in mine, "Look at me." He looked up and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from breaking down and crying in front of him, "I could never be happy while you're hurting. I could never be happy while you're feeling like this. Maybe we aren't together anymore, but that day- when I ended things, and had Cal bring you your stuff... I never stopped caring. When we hooked up throughout the year? It was never meaningless. You mean way too much to me."
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Hallie. You're still the best thing in my life, even if we aren't together." Connor said, chuckling slightly.
As I looked up into his beautiful eyes that shone even in the darkness, I could feel my body gravitate toward him and a big part of me wanted nothing more than to kiss him.
But that wasn't fair to him, and it wouldn't be fair to Mitchell.
And just as soon as I had that thought, I remembered Mitchell, who I left asleep on the couch at home. Mitchell, who I still had to go home to, possibly explain to where I went, and then figure out an explanation as for why I couldn't stop talking to Connor.
I felt Connor reach out and smooth some of my hair down, and brush some sand off of my face. "Let's get out of the rain, yeah?" He asked with a smile, and I nodded.
We motioned for the boys, and they walked with us. When we got to the lot, Wes and George laughed at my parking job, and Wes headed off to his car to go home after giving Connor a bro hug and patting him on the back.
Connor turned to me, "I guess this is goodbye then."
"Whose house are you going to?" I asked him.
"I think- that ummm, it's time to go home, actually." Connor said, shocking both George and Logan. "My mom has been texting me, worried sick, so has Sophie. My dad could probably care less, but it's time I stop running from my problems." Connor finished, sending me a small smile.
"I'll take you home then-" George said.
"I'll do it." I cut him off quickly. "I'm closer to him, and the weather is getting bad." I said, covering up.
All the guys nodded, and they hugged each other, real hugs lasting longer than normal hugs. I could've sworn I saw George tearing up.
Connor and I got into my car, completely soaking the seats, but I didn't care.
I drove carefully and slowly to his house, and we sat in silence as I did. When we got there, he kissed me on the cheek. "Thank you, Hallie. For everything."
"You're welcome. I'll text you, I-" I cut myself off.
Connor smiled at me knowingly. "Night, H." I watched him knock on the door, watched as his mother pulled him in for a tight hug before yelling at him and shutting the door.
I pulled out and drove myself home, going inside quietly as not to wake anyone up, but unfortunately, there were people already up.
My mom and Mitchell sat in the living room. Mitchell looked worried and my mom looked disappointed once they saw me.
"Oh Hallie, thank god." Mitchell exclaimed, rushing up to me and pulling me in for a long hug, pressing a chaste kiss to my lips.
"Hallie Johnson, where have you been?" My mom asked me angrily, "You promised me."
"Mom, I didn't go surfing, I promise." I told her as Mitchell backed away from me, not wanting to be apart of the fight coming up.
"Why are you drenched? And why do you smell like the ocean then?" She asked me, angry with me for lying.
"Wes's car shut down," I said, surprised almost at how easily the lie popped out of my mouth. "He needed me to drive him home, and he sprained his ankle so he was sitting on the beach, I had to help him to the car and got drenched in the rain."
"Where was everyone else?" My mom asked sharply.
"He stayed out late, you know him." I told her sheepishly. It was a pretty shit lie, and though she looked reluctant, she accepted it in the end.
With that she walked up stairs and Mitchell wrapped me in his arms once again. "Baby, I was so worried. I woke up and you were gone."
I hugged him back weakly as he ran his hands up and down my arms, not caring that I was soaking wet.
He led me up the stairs, "Come on, you probably want to get changed."
It was then that I realized how cold I was, and leaned into him just for heat. He waited outside of my room while I changed, and I let him in when I was done.
"You don't know how worried I was, god Hallie, I love you so much. Please don't ever leave without telling me where you're going again." Mitchell said, and I could hear pain in his voice.
It made me sad for a multitude of reasons, but seeing and hearing the caring boy in front of me, I felt foolish for thinking he wouldn't understand.
Tomorrow, I would talk to him about Connor, and I knew he would understand.
"I love you too, Mitchell." I replied, kissing him lightly on the lips.
He pulled back first, "I love you more than anything, you don't know how worried I was. I just- I want to spend my life with you, Hallie. I couldn't stand the thought that you'd gone night surfing and something had happened to you."
He placed little kisses all over my face. On my nose, my cheeks, my forehead, my eyelids. He nibbles on my ear slightly before kissing his way down my neck, staying in the same spot for a couple moments, causing me to open my mouth slightly and run my hand through his hair.
At his words and his actions, all the thoughts from my mind were erased and all I could think of was how this beautiful, amazing boy wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
I walked us closer to my bed until we fell back on it with him on top of me. I didn't know quite what was going on, all I knew was that I liked it, and I wanted it to keep going with this boy who loved me.
I grabbed Mitchell's hands and placed them right under the hem of the large sleep shirt I had changed into when Mitchell pulled back suddenly.
"Baby, I don't think we should go any further tonight. You're so beautiful and so perfect, and I want it to be special." He kissed me affectionately, pulling back my bedsheets and getting in with me. "When it happens, I want it to be something you remember forever, cause you and I are meant to be forever." Mitchell told me, kissing me deeply once more before turning out the light and pulling me incredibly close to him. That night, I went from standing in Connor's arms, to falling asleep in Mitchell's.
4600 words.... ;)