Y'all. I literally said I was gonna update tomorrow afternoon but i couldn't help it.😅
Chapter 39 – I Miss You
Christopher Brown | Richmond, VA
My father got out of surgery late last night and we couldn't stay since it was passed visiting hours so we were back on our way to see him. I wasn't as anxious because I had great news to share with everyone and I couldn't wait. I was going to keep it within my close circle because I didn't want any news getting out to the press. I know how Beyoncé is with her privacy and this is a baby we're talking about. No one else needs to know until we're ready for them to know.
"Family of Clinton Brown!" We all got up and followed the nurse to his room. We didn't really need the nurse to direct us but it was their protocol. We got to his room and there was the doctor from yesterday going through whatever it was with my dad. I still don't like his ass for walking off without properly explaining what the hell was going on yesterday. I still want to beat his ass.
We walked in and his face lit up. Seeing him smiling and this happy was putting me at ease but it still was overwhelming seeing him in this place. I absolutely hate hospitals and it isn't new to anyone.
"I was wondering when y'all would get here! I'm hungry and these people wanna feed me some glob and call it mash potatoes and gravy!" I shook my head as we laughed at his antics. My father is always the life of the party, I guess he is where I got my energetic side from.
"Daddy you gonna rasie your blood pressure being this loud." Lytrell spoke as she planted a kiss to his cheek. "Girl a lil' shoutin' is good for the soul." He turned to his grandchildren. "Y'all come give me damn hug! I haven't seen y'all in a long time." Aria and Haden walked to his bed and he engulfed them in a big hug.
"Oh y'all about to make me cry!" My mother exclaimed and I pulled her into a hug. She's been very emotional since my dad has been here. I'm not sure what other factors are contributing to it but I just hope she's okay.
"Well you better not wide your eyes because I got good news." I sat down on the chair next to my father's bed and everyone sat while my mother helped my dad sit up in the bed. She handed him his food and he dug in like his life depended on it.
"So Beyoncé popped up at my front door this morning..." I trailed off, waiting for a reaction but they were listening to me instead. "We talked and it felt good to just be with her. I haven't seen her in what? Four months? So it really was warming just to hear her voice." I smiled slightly. I really did enjoy being in her presence. It wasn't intimidating as it would usually be.
"We just caught up on a few things. She said she was looking into a definite divorce and that she's having a baby. Our baby."
"Boy done scored the jackpot!" I laughed as well as everyone else. "Congrats baby brother." I smiled at my sister.
"Yeah, I'm happy as hell. I even cried, I ain't gon' lie. It hit home because y'all know I never got to be around Nia during her pregnancy so this felt like a void was being filled." Thinking about another mini-me or mini-Bey running around really made me happy.
"I got it all on video." Myles smirked wiggling his phone between his fingers. I shook my head. "How the hell you even know she was there?" I asked him.
"Do you know me to sleep?" I pondered and nodded in agreement. "You right, you right."
"Let me see." They crowd around my dad and the audio of the video filled the room. "Myles this video is almost 30 minutes long, the hell." My sister mumbled.
"Aww! She looks good pregnant." My mother cooed.
Beyoncé Knowles | Newburgh, NY
I got back to NY about two hours ago and was demanded to show my face at Lala's pool party. I honestly didn't want to go because Solange would be there and we aren't on the best of terms. Since she popped off at me we haven't really talked. My mother has been trying to figure out what the situation between us was but neither of us said anything. We just kept to ourselves and kept it pushing. I would talk to Julius and Allen but that was it. I haven't seen all of the girls together since Michelle's birthday dinner so I don't know how things would be between us all.
Knowing the party girl Lala can sometimes be, I just know there would be endless martinis and margaritas so me not drinking is really going to raise suspicions. I was going to tell them but knowing how Kelly enjoys talking, she probably filled them in on her observation.
I got out of my Mercedes and slung my bag over my shoulder. I closed my door then locked my car. I could hear loud chatter and music playing from the back of the house so I walked through the side gate. I typed in the code she gave me then pushed my way into the yard. As I got closer I could hear them talking but it wasn't anything I could question them about.
"Look who the cat dragged in!" Serena yelled as she ran up to me. I laughed accepting her hug. "Hey babe." We let each other go and walked over to the group.
"Hey y'all." I greeted with a smile and a wave. They were all in the pool and I sat on one of the pool chairs. "Girl why you got on overalls? It's a pool party so go and change." I rolled my eyes at the demanding tone in Lala's voice.
"I'll change when I get me some food. I'm hungry as hell." I got up and walked into the house. She had a lot of seafood and my mouth watered at the variety. I got a bowl to share myself some chowder and I also got me some shrimp alfredo. She even had gumbo and y'all know how we southern people love gumbo.
I managed to balance two large bowls and a plate on my arms on my way outside. I sat them carefully on the table and started eating. The pasta was heaven sent and the shrimps were juicy.
"Bey, you okay? I don't think we've seen you eat that much food since....ever." I nodded my head tasting the gumbo. "You got hot sauce? Wait never mind. I got in my bag." I reached over to my bag and pulled out my mama's homemade hot sauce. I added it to the gumbo and tasted it. It still wasn't spicy enough and I was growing frustrated.
"That's enough hot sauce don't you think?" Solange spoke to me. I looked at her then reverted back to my food. "No, it's not."
>>>
I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror not feeling confident enough to step outside. I know once the girls saw my growing bump they're going to jump down my neck and I really wasn't ready for it. I know for a fact that Solange was going to be harder on me than the rest. I sighed, tying the stings of my bikini around my neck.
I walked through the house until I got back downstairs. I heard music playing and I stepped out. All the chatter stopped once I stepped foot unto the green grass.
"Beyoncé...." I smiled nervously. "Surprise!" I walked down the steps that enter the pool and they all just watched me. The water was a bit chilly but necessary since it was 80 degrees with high humidity.
"So this why your ass was in Virginia this morning." I rolled my eyes as I played with one of the water noodles. "He wasn't answering any of my calls so I did what I had to do." I shrugged my shoulders.
"How did he take the news?" Michelle asked, sipping on the drink in her cup. "He cried but was very happy." I smiled as his words playing through my head. "He's ecstatic for this baby and so am I."
"What else y'all talked about?" Lala asked leaning closer to me. She wiggled her eyes and I splashed some water on her. "Stop being nasty!" I laughed. "We literally just talked. He told me his dad had cancer and I could see the pain in his eyes when he said it. It was if he finally coped with it, you know?"
"Damn, that's hard. I can't even imagine how he must feel right now." There was a round of 'rights' and 'yeses' going around.
"But yeah, we just talked and I'm definitely getting a divorce this time. I'm not feeling this anymore with Jay and he just keeps lying." Solange started clapping and I rolled my eyes. "About fucking time! You should've done it four months ago!"
"Solange chill. We know you want your moment but not right now." Serena lectured her. She huffed rolling her eyes. "Anyways, he already has another child with one of his 2 dollar whore so why am I still here? I already lost three children being with him and he's not gonna be the cause of a fourth." I blinked back the tears that threatened to fall.
"Aww Bey." Lala cooed rubbing my arm. I smiled weakly, not wanting to feel any more sympathy. "I had to go to the hospital 'cause I spotted today. Blood clotted and all. It was scary and all I cared about was if my baby was gonna be okay." I wiped the tear from my cheek and tucked my lips in.
"Girl you need to get your ass out of there. Like now." I nodded my head agreeing. "I know, I know."
Myles Brown | Tappahannock, VA
Following the letter sequence to my father's grave had my heart racing and my tears building. I haven't been here since his burial and now returning after so many years, it was something I never expected to see myself doing.
My feet ruffled against the grass as we continued to walk. I looked back and Chris had a straight face with his sun glasses covering his eyes. I know he was trying to be strong for me but this also was affecting him just as much as it was me. I turned back around then turned down another walk way to his resting place. The closer I got the stronger his presence felt. I could smell his cologne and I could hear his steel toe platform boots hitting against the hardwood floor of our old home. He's here, I can feel it.
I clenched the bouquet of flowers I had in my hand. I stopped moving as I stared at this head stone. I inhaled deeply then rest the flowers on his stone. I knew what I wanted to say but was my voice even strong enough to go through with this. My throat tightened as I was about to speak and I cleared it.
I breathed out and looked up at the sky.
"Hey pop...I know you're probably disappointed it took me this long to hear from me." I looked down and a tear landed on the flowers. "It's just hard, you know? Going through high school without your speeches was hard." I chuckled remembering the words he'd preach to me. "You're a Brown! We never quit so pick your head up, shoulders back and chest high!" I heard Chris chuckled and I did too.
"I remember when I would try and fit my feet in your work boots and you'd say that once day I'll be able to fill your shoes and make a better path for myself. I don't even know if I started it or ended it." My body trembled as I tried to conceal my cries. I wanted to make it through this without having a whole breakdown.
"I never seen you ever in pain and I guess this is what's breaking me. You were superman in my eyes and when I watched you take your last breathe, that fucked me up." Tears were now streaming down my face and I was tearing me inside to not fall to my knees and bawl. "I wish I could take all your pain and still have you here with me." My lip trembled when I inhaled deeply. "I miss you dad." My knees gave out and I felt arms wrap around me.
"I miss you so fucking much dad!" I sobbed while in Chris' arms.
This pain I was feeling can't compare to anything I have ever felt in my 22 years of living. This was something I compressed for years so for it to finally be released was difficult for me to face. It felt good to just let it out and free but the emotional trauma will always be there.
"I miss you every day! I miss whenever I look in the mirror! I miss you whenever I see Uncle Clint! I miss you when I have to ride pass our home every day!"
I opened my eyes and I swore I saw his black steel toe boots. He was here, stronger than before. I felt a hand on my shoulder and a kiss on my forehead.
"I love you Myles."
Chris cleared his throat as he released me.
"He gave this to me before he passed." I watched as he pulled out an envelope and he handed it to me. "This is everything he wished he could tell you." I sniffed as I help the paper in my hand.
I opened the envelope and pulled out the folded letter that was inside. My breath came out shaky as I stared at the hand written words. I could recognize his writing from anywhere.
To my son,
I know this is very hard for you to face so I asked Chris and Clinton to ensure you had all the support and love you would need when the time comes. I've been having a never ending battle with cancer and it was one I hid well but I guess this time wasn't one I could win.
When I first held you in my arms, I knew then that I had to do better for you. You became my motivation to do better in life. All the sweat and hard work was to make sure lights were on so you could do your homework. Even though I was busy I always made time for you because you deserved it. You deserve the world and more.
I remember when you were a baby and you would struggle to breathe because of your asthma. It broke my heart to hear but I knew with God, we was gonna be alright. I know when I raised you, I was raising a man of honor, dignity and integrity. I knew my time was approaching and I was content with the man you were becoming. I provided you with all the tools needed to be who you are today. Don't downplay yourself, you are stronger than you think.
Now, this may seem as goodbye but it isn't. I'll be in your heart every step of your journey. I'll be watching over you from a place you'll one day be with me. You're my son in all phases of life and my love is everlasting.
I love you Myles. I loved you when you were in your mother's womb and I'll love you from the heavens. I know you're still struggling to cope with everything and that's okay. I'll be here when you're ready to talk. I'm all ears, even in spirit.
Take care of yourself and be who you are meant to be. Head up, shoulders back and chest high. I LOVE YOU! Always and forever, don't ever forget it.
~ Daddy.
"I love you too dad. Always and forever."
Hey y'all. I think there might be a sequel. Not sure as yet but i git something in the works.