Here it is, the end of a journey.
Enjoy!
•••
SIX MONTHS LATER
The tree I sat beneath protected me against the July sun, the summer breeze cooling my exposed skin, courtesy of the floral crop top and ripped jeans I wore. Leo was running around the park with Jean, a friend he'd made on his first day of school. Leo said that he was his best friend, and best friends always have play dates so they can play together, and that's exactly what they were doing right now.
I had my magazine's draft in hand, reviewing our work for a final time before we'd have to publish the issue. On the small picnic blanket I'd laid out was Leo and Jean's snacks for the day; fruits, per his mother's request; juice boxes; chocolate-coated biscuits; water. Whenever the two got tired from playing their never-ending game of tag, they'd come and sit by me to argue about who won.
A smile tugged at my lips when my phone buzzed with a ringtone I set specifically for Isaac. I set the magazine down on my lap and picked it up to answer him, rolling my eyes at his text.
I set the phone down and looked around my area in search of the two children I had to take care of. They were a couple of meters away playing in a playground with some other kids they'd met. My eyes flitted to the left when I caught movement coming my way. It was a random guy, about my age, with brown hair and similarly colored eyes.
I squinted up at him, "Can I help you?" I asked when he stood in front of me, a smile playing at his lips. It wasn't smug, just polite, like the one you'd give a stranger.
He rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah, um, hi," He stuttered, an American accent coating his words. My eyebrows rose at his shyness, "I just saw you on your own and was wondering if you wanted some... company."
I blinked, suppressing my smile when I saw Isaac lugging a large mesh sack filled with things I asked him to bring. He was grumbling some shit under his breath as he walked up the slanted sidewalk. I didn't know if he was silently cursing me out for asking him to get the most random things or because I chose a spot on a small hill.
The man cleared his throat making me snap my gaze back in his direction, "Sorry, what?" I questioned, placing my hand on my forehead to shield my eyes from the sun.
Of course, I forgot my sunglasses on a day like this.
"Oh, I was just asking if you wanted some–"
"Cookies?" Isaac interrupted, dropping the large bag on the grass by the picnic blanket. He eyed the random guy before looking at me, cocking his head in the man's direction, "Is he selling cookies?"
I shook my head, scooting to the side before patting the spot by me. I glanced up at the man, who was now staring at Isaac with wide, fearful eyes, "I'm sorry, I honestly didn't hear you the first time. Is there anything I can help you with? Are you lost?"
My boyfriend plopped down next to me, seemingly uninterested in the guy. He set his head down on my lap and stretched his longass body across the length of the blanket, his calves resting on the grass.
"No," He mumbled, shaking his head frantically. He pointed his thumb behind him, "I'm just going to go now."
Isaac wrapped his fingers around my wrist and placed my hand on his hair, silently asking me to play with his hair. He watched as the guy turned around and hurried away from us, "Bye!" My boyfriend called out, going as far as to wave his hand in the air.
I started twirling his hair around his fingers. Isaac closed his eyes at the comforting action, "He tried asking you out, didn't he?" He muttered, snuggling into my thigh.
I glanced to my right to make sure the two kids were okay. When I saw Leo and Jean having fun on a see-saw, I averted my gaze back to the giant baby in my lap, "He only wanted to keep me company," I informed him, smirking when he frowned.
"Why does this shit always happen when I'm not around?" He mumbled, distraught that he wasn't there to see how the guy tried to hit on me. "At least tell me that you recorded it."
A few months ago, some guy tried asking me out in a café while I waited for Isaac. I had two coffee mugs in front of me, one for me and the other for my boyfriend. The guy took a seat in front of me and formulated some bullshit about how me buying two coffees, the other one being allegedly his favorite, was a sign that we should start dating. I explained to him that he was drinking my boyfriend's coffee, and the guy didn't believe me until a sweaty Isaac walked in and kissed me.
After I recounted the story to Isaac, he fell into an obnoxious fit of laughter right in the middle of the café. He wasn't laughing, though, when he realized that the man drank half of his coffee. Ever since then, we'd developed a system to ward off strangers from both him and me. I sometimes pretended that they didn't exist and would walk away. Isaac decided that he would randomly launch into a story about how he met me, pulling out pictures from our childhood up until the present.
"I didn't record it," I told him much to his dismay.
His eyes fluttered open as he pouted up at me, "You don't love me, do you?" His gaze fell on the bag next to his feet, kicking it out of annoyance, "You definitely don't if you asked me to lug all that shit from the bottom of this hill."
"I asked you to bring those things because I have a surprise for you." I continued playing with his hair, raking my fingers through them to brush it back.
"Can I get my kiss first?" He asked, puckering his lips as he closed his eyes. I rolled my eyes but bent down to place a chaste kiss on his mouth. He smiled at the action, "Thank you, my love."
"Whatever," I muttered, squealing when he poked me in my sides. I glared down at him but he gave me an innocent smile in response. "You don't seem as grumpy as you were yesterday. Maybe you don't need my surprise."
Isaac's smile wavered before he breathed out a heavy sigh, "Coach said some shit today to cheer me up," He said as I continued playing with his hair. "You have me all to yourself for the next few months, my love. I'm officially on vacation."
My eyes flickered to my right to find two familiar children running back to us, Leo leading the race while Jean was a hair width away, "Come on," I announced, gently patting his cheek. "I'm giving you your surprise now."
•••
A couple of days ago, France lost the quarter-finals in the World Cup. Isaac blamed himself for their loss because he missed a 'very easy, open goal'. I've tried to convince him multiple times that it wasn't his fault, that the pressure would get to anyone, and that he wasn't expected to score every goal, but he wasn't having any of it.
Isaac had been in a grumpy mood for the past week. He was pissed he lost, something he wasn't used to, and he was pissed he was responsible for the loss. He tried cheering himself up whenever he was with me, but for the most part, I could see how this was eating him alive. Sometimes, I'd catch him watching a replay of him missing the goal which made me delete every social media app so he'd stop ruminating.
"Okay," I spoke, tapping the helmet on my head as I watched Isaac tie his cleats up. Leo and Jean were running around the small area I'd rented for the next two hours. The floor was lined with grass, and it was as wide as a football field, the length only about a third of that. There was a football goal at the end of the area. "You ready?"
He bit the inside of his cheek, "Amber, if the ball hits you, it's going to hurt like a bitch," He told me. "There's a reason goalkeepers sometimes wear padding."
"It's going to be fine," I told him, taking his hand in mine to pull him up onto his feet. I knocked my knuckles against the helmet. "That's why I've got this on my head."
"I'm not entirely comfortable with this," He confessed honestly, scratching the side of his neck. "I don't want to hurt you."
As much as I wanted to aw at his words, I couldn't help but groan. The plan was simple. I'd pretend to be the goalkeeper, and he would practice shooting the football into the net from different angles. This would hopefully show him that he wouldn't score every single fucking shot he took. If there's one thing I've learned from these past four or five years, it was that things didn't always go according to plan.
Plus, maybe he'd have so much fun he'd stop thinking about it.
"Babe, I'm going to be fine," I cupped his cheek with my glove-clad hands, forcing him to look me in the eye. "I'm not going to get hurt, okay?" I didn't wait for him to reply as I twirled around on the tips of my toes to look at the two children in front of me. "Poursuis Zachy, d'accord? Assurez-vous de ne pas courir devant lui." [Chase Zachy, okay? Just make sure you guys don't run in front of him.]
Leo and Jean nodded in understanding making me smile. I glanced at my boyfriend only to find him still looking apprehensive about the ordeal. I jogged up to the net and stood in front of it, raising my eyebrows at him challengingly, "Are you going to be a chicken about this the entire time? You scared I'm going to block your shots?"
He smirked at my words, narrowing his eyes as Leo took off with the ball between his feet. My son tried passing it on to his friend but Zac intercepted it, dribbling the football as the two kids chased him, their giggles filling the atmosphere.
Without even trying, Isaac aimed a shot at the goal and kicked the ball. The black and white ball went soaring through the air. Only as it started nearing my face did I realize that it would hurt if I even tried blocking it, so I jumped away from it, raising a hand to protect my face. The ball hit the net with a loud swish.
Leo and Jean started cheering while I stared at Isaac, who had a smug grin on his face. I clicked my tongue and bent down to grab the ball, "I see how it is," I said, throwing the ball back at him. He stopped it with his chest, letting it fall down in front of his feet. "I'm blocking the next one."
"Sure you will, my love," He retorted, letting Jean steal the ball from him. He pretended to chase the two kids before swiping the ball from them. He shot me a wink as he approached the goal. He kicked the ball in, aiming it for the corner of the net, which was exactly where it hit. The kids cheered again while I pursed my lips, unimpressed. "What happened to blocking it?" He taunted, watching me pick the ball up to kick it back at him.
A flame suddenly ignited within me. I wasn't one to let somebody beat me at something. I would block his shots, even if it meant getting a few bruises here and there, "Run it back!" I gritted out, making his grin widen.
He let Leo and Jean think they were succeeding in not letting him get the ball, but he suddenly skidded in front of Jean, making the four-year-old shriek at the action. He kicked the ball away from him and got up onto his two feet to continue running with the ball in front of him. I squared my shoulders, and squatted down, preparing for his shot. Isaac winked at me before kicking the ball as far away from me as possible. I tried jumping to catch it but failed.
"Shit," I muttered as he ran around the confined area, hands in the air as he screamed. Leo and Jean copied his movements despite the fact that they weren't on his team. I threw the ball back in his direction, "Run it back."
Isaac mimicked me, poking his tongue out and rolling his eyes to taunt me. I narrowed my eyes and willed myself to pay attention to the ball as Leo ran with it. Isaac intercepted another pass and charged towards the goal, not bothering to slow down before kicking it. I jumped to the right to catch it, but it brushed over my fingertips instead, soaring into the net.
"You know what, my love?" Isaac asked, jogging up to me to help me up to my feet. I slapped his hands away out of irritation and got up on my own. I brushed the dirt off my bare arms, hating how I chose to wear a crop top today. "This is actually pretty fun."
I shoved him away, ignoring his goading, "Fuck off," I mumbled, bending down to get the ball. "Just go back to your position."
Isaac quickly pecked me on my cheek, a result of me turning my face when he tried to reach my lips before running back to stand next to the children. I rolled the ball towards them, watching in surprise as Leo kicked it, running away from Isaac as Jean ran next to him. I quickly checked my elbow before glancing up when I saw a large figure barreling in my direction.
Isaac narrowed his eyes out of focus before shooting the ball. I watched the ball with a calculating expression before I ran to the side and dropped down onto my knees, scraping them against the grass in the process. The ball hit my legs, and I placed my hands down to stop it from rolling anywhere else. I grinned as I snapped my head up at Isaac, who was now staring at me, mouth agape.
"What was that you told me, Zachy?" I asked, dusting myself off as I stood up, playing it cool. "I'm having fun too!"
His eyes narrowed into thin slits as I kicked the ball back towards him, blowing a kiss. He didn't even let Leo and Jean start with the ball. He simply took a few steps back before running forward, kicking it to my left. I watched the ball before raising both my forearms up as I jumped to the side. The ball hit my arm with a fuckton of force making me hiss as it dropped in front of me.
I smirked at the sight of the blocked shot, "I'm on a roll, babe!" I exclaimed, jumping giddily before crouching down to pick it up. The corner of his lip tugged up but he forced it down, staring at me with a stoic expression. "Just keep 'em coming, Zachy."
"That's just me going easy on you, my love," He called back, stopping the ball by stepping on it. "I'm not going to be so considerate now."
"Of course you were," I humored him, shaking my head with a fake pout. "Give it your best shot, babe."
He smirked at my words and I returned it with an equally smug smile.
•••
I blocked at least one of his shots after his words and it had hurt my arm like a bitch. After that, he let Jean and Leo have their fun with the football before stealing it to shoot it into the goal. He scored one right after the other for a good hour and a half. In my attempt to block one, I had jumped and failed to catch the ball, and Isaac had jogged up to help me up while gloating.
He instantly stopped, however, when he noticed the bruise on my forearm from repeatedly breaking my fall and the cuts that littered my shoulder every time my skin scraped the dirt. I then got a lecture about how he was right about me hurting myself as he tended to my tiny cuts with the disinfectant he got from an employee.
"I fucking told you you'd get hurt," He mumbled, sitting on his knees while I sat crisscrossing my legs. I rolled my eyes as he continued dabbing at the not-so-serious wound with a cotton pad doused in Betadine, "But no, Amber doesn't listen. I have a helmet, so I can't get hurt." He mimicked in a high pitched tone.
After making sure I was okay by kissing my bruise, which I found overdramatic yet cute, he packed up his shit in the mesh bag and we went back to the park since Jean's father had to pick him up. Leo said bye to his friend, watching as he climbed into his father's car before driving away.
We were back in the park, sitting in the same spot since nobody seemed to take it. I'd laid out the picnic blanket again and brought out the snacks that the kids didn't finish. Leo and Isaac went straight for the pack of biscuits while I ate from the Tupperware full of strawberries and grapes, occasionally popping a fruit in Isaac's mouth when he opened it wide.
"Did you have fun today, baby?" I asked as Leo crawled away from Isaac and onto my lap. I wrapped my arms around his body.
"Oui, mama," He replied, nodding into my shoulder. "Merci."
"De rien, mon cher," I mumbled into his hair, smiling at Isaac when he tossed a grape up to try and catch it in his mouth, only for it to hit his eye. [You're welcome, darling.]
"Mama, can I ask you a question?" He raised his head from my shoulder and stared up at me.
"Of course you can," I told him, raising my eyebrows in concern. "Is everything okay?"
"You know how everyone calls their dad papa?" He asked and my heart started beating erratically at what his follow up question could be. "Why do I call Zachy... Zachy and not papa?"
I stared down at my child, surprised by the words that came out of his lips. If anything, that was the last thing I was expecting him to ask. I thought that he'd maybe ask if he even had a father– did he think Isaac was his dad?
Well, how could he not? Leo grew up with Isaac and me– he was the only male figure consistently present in his life, so I understood why he would assume that Isaac was his father. Isaac took him out to play, he woke him up sometimes– bathed him. Isaac was always with me, Leo's mom. So how could I tell him that he didn't have a father? That the asswipe he shared his DNA with was a good for nothing piece of shit?
I lifted my gaze up to look at Isaac, who was looking at both of us with an unknown expression on his face. His expression softened when he caught me looking at him, and he winked before cocking his chin at Leo, giving me a small nod.
What did that mean?
Was he okay if Leo called him dad?
"Mama?" Leo called, tilting his head to the side. I glanced back down at him.
I couldn't do that to Isaac. If Leo were to call him dad, he might begin to feel more responsible for a child that wasn't his. I'd love nothing more than for Leo to call Isaac his father, but there were so many things I had to take into consideration. For starters, would Isaac be okay with the expectations that came with having somebody call you 'papa'?– Would it be too much for him? And sure, our relationship was going strong, but what would happen to Leo if both of us broke up? Would he continue to treat Isaac like a father, despite the fact we weren't together anymore?
"Um," I stuttered, something I didn't usually do. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I looked at Isaac only to find him giving me an encouraging nod.
"It's okay," He mouthed. A smile threatened to etch itself onto my face, "I'm cool with it."
"How about you ask Zachy?" I returned. Isaac rolled his eyes at my statement. Leo nodded before jumping off my lap.
He stood in front of Isaac, they both of them at eye-level with my boyfriend sitting down, "Can I call you papa?" Leo asked, getting straight to the point. I smiled at his tone– he was definitely my kid; he cut straight through the bullshit.
"Only if you give me the last biscuit in the packet," Isaac replied, chuckling when Leo jumped into his arms, wrapping him up in a hug. My smile widened at the action, tears welling up in my eyes when Isaac returned the hug. I dabbed my eyes before anyone could see them, but of course, my boyfriend did. "I think your mama feels left out," He stage whispered, eyes twinkling with glee.
Leo gasped and turned around to face me, "Viens-ici mama," He said, patting the space next to Isaac.
"Yeah, come here, my love," Isaac repeated as Leo took a seat on his lap. I rolled my eyes but crawled over to them, sitting next to them on the blanket. "You know, maybe this means we can get those family discounts at stores."
I laughed at his words, shaking my head, "Those are only for the employee's families, you idiot."
•••
After spending another hour at the park, we packed everything up, throwing away the trash in the bin. Isaac drove us back to my apartment, deciding he was going to spend the night since he didn't have to wake up early anymore for a while. I ordered in dinner for the three of us, and Isaac and I sat in the living room, watching the TV while Leo played in his room.
"Thank you," I whispered, my head on his shoulder while my legs rested across his lap. He glanced down at me, making me move my head back. "For letting Leo call you dad. I hope you didn't do it because you felt like you had to."
He blinked, a soft smile spreading onto his lips, "I did it," He started. "Because I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon, my love. Even if he's not, sometimes it does feel like Leo is my kid."
I stared at him in awe. How the fuck did I get so lucky to have him? If you told me four years ago that I'd be in a happy relationship after everything I suffered through, I wouldn't have believed you.
The robbery left me broken as shit. What with almost dying twice and the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I'd developed, I didn't feel like there was a point in doing anything anymore without the fear of being unsafe. I'd developed a routine– wake up, take care of Leo, go to work, take care of Leo, go back home, tuck Leo in, sleep– designed to keep me occupied so my thoughts wouldn't eat my alive.
Enjoying life properly didn't seem worth my paranoia anymore.
But throw in my amazing child, my successful job, the closure I got from mending things with Dean and winning the custody battle, and I was bound to start feeling more like myself. It would just take some time to see past my fear of being unsafe, of the past repeating itself– it would take some time for me to feel like Amber fucking Amity.
I had fucking Isaac Jacobs, too. He made me laugh, brought out my competitive and carefree nature, and cared a shitton about my child and me. I was super lucky to have had him stick by me the past five years and was even luckier to call him my boyfriend. Isaac was the only one who could make fun of me for blocking his, a professional football player's, shots and give me shit for hurting myself a minute later.
Isaac was the only one who would allow a child that wasn't his to call him papa, despite the fact that he had no obligation to care for him.
"I really fucking love you," I told him, grinning when he did.
"I really fucking love you too," He returned, leaning down to place a short, sweet kiss on my lips before wrapping his arms around me to hug me closer to his figure.
And to think, it only took me four years with my child and Isaac, and a brand new start in Paris for me to realize that life was always worth the trouble.
Despite the shit storm that it could be.
•••
– 07/08/20
IT'S A WRAP FOLKS
Shit, 2 books done and dusted? Middle school me would be proud.
Anywhooooo, I've got a shitton of bonus chapters lined up for this book, and I'm heavily considering the short story on Nick and Alex's fight.
If you have any suggestions for bonus chapters, drop them below. If I get enough that I like I might just make a book dedicated for them lmao
THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR SUPPORTING ME THROUGHOUT THIS JOURNEY, YOU GUYS FUCKING ROCK, AND I'LL SEE Y'ALL SOON!!!!!