"Hayley Knight does it again, saves team USA and keeps their winning streak alive!"
"That's now 38 matches the US have gone without losing a single game and Knight has scored the winning one in 15 of them"
"If that doesn't speak volumes about how good of a player she is I don't know what does. Hayley Knight seems to be the Ibrahimović of the woman's game"
"I can agree with you there Peter, and to think she couldn't walk at the beginning of the year seeing her now is astonishing"
I collapse to the floor in a heap my arms resting on my knees as I try to get enough oxygen into my lungs as possible. I gave everything to the last 20 minutes of the game and my legs feel like utter jelly
"Well played Knight, you were amazing as always," Marta says coming over to shake my hand
"You too Marta, I'll see you soon," I say to the Brazil national captain who walks off to her teammates.
The year has been a whirlwind and a half, unfortunately, the surgery to get my stutter fixed didn't go without some complications, I had to do a lot of physical therapy to get back on track and fit again.
Plus I had my wedding to attend and I wasn't going to walk down that aisle without my voice and body back. But I did it though, I somehow managed to survive the impossible and got to marry my soulmate in the process.
The World doesn't know that we're married just yet, to the fans and media we are still just girlfriends since Kelley hasn't changed the name on the back of her jersey.
I've been fighting hard to stay at the top of my game and I feel like I've been doing just that, the Olympics is right around the corner and I really want that starting 11 spot which means Kelley and I have been training like mad women to be in our best shape, in more ways than one too.
"You okay there Hayley?" My best friend Christen asks coming over to me
"Oh yeah I'm good Chris, but I am going to need to help in getting off the pitch," I tell her sheepishly.
She just rolls her eyes at me and waves over to her wife to come and help out too. Soon enough the Heath-Press couple are lifting me from under the armpits and onto my feet
"Can you walk at all Hayls?" Tobin asks and I try to take a step forward but my legs feel completely numb
"Err that would be a no" I chuckle out and look at the pair who don't seem to happy.
"This can't be good for you Hayley, you shouldn't be pushing your body this hard" Chris tells me in a disapproving voice
"My mind has a different agenda to my body sometimes, I don't realise how tired I am until I stop" I explain trying my best to help them practically drag me across the field
"Oh my God, is everything okay Hayley?" Julie asks suddenly rushing over
"I'm fine J, I just can't feel my legs at the moment," I tell her giving her a quick wave of the hand to brush it off.
"Oh alright then, you just casually can't feel your legs," Julie says sarcastically
"Why is my wife being carried into the tunnel!" I hear Kelley shout ahead of me.
I look up to see her sprinting towards me her top in her hands leaving her in just her shorts and sports bra, which obviously isn't my first observation about her, definitely not.
"I've just overexerted myself Kel, get me in an ice bath with mama and I'll be set," I say to which she just glares at me in response
"Babe we have talked about this, I don't mind you pushing yourself but when you get to this state it's not good for you," She tells me to which Christen nods her head with.
"I'm sorry guys, it won't happen again I promise," I tell the ladies around me who don't seem happy but just take me to the ice bath.
"I was wondering where- Champ are you okay!" Carli asks shooting out the ice bath as I'm helped in
"I'm fine Jesus, just get me under the ice and I'll be back to normal in no time," I say only to be practically pushed in headfirst by Christen and Tobin.
"Okay what the hell guys, was that really necessary," I ask coming up with my hair dripping.
"Next time don't make us carry you all the way from the field" Tobin points out as they all leave the room.
I just roll my eyes back at them and shuffle my body to the edge of the mini pool, letting my arms spread across the side to hold me up and let out a content sigh only to open my eyes and see Carli giving me the Hope Solo death glare
"Okay Jesus what did I do to you now," I ask wondering why literally everyone is pissed with me
"You're not looking after your body Hayley, you of all people should know how important it us to care for your mind and body," Carli tells me
"Yes mama I know that, and I know what I'm doing alright, you wouldn't understand anyway," I say mumbling out the last past and looking down at the ice floating around me
"Hayley, look at me champ," Mama says softly and I can't do it because there are tears already in my eyes
"Please look at me sweetie," She says even softer and swims her way over next to me
"I need to be the best Mama, I can't drop back down again, I can't struggle to kick a ball as I did before," I say finally looking up as the tears run down my face
"And you won't ever have to Hayley, you got past that rock in your road and made it here today but pushing yourself to the point of exhaustion isn't going to help you champ" Carli tells me, her arm wrapped tightly around my shoulder
"You don't have anything to prove to anyone but yourself, you don't need to show the world how you've come back by trying to be the impossible because everyone already knows you're the best player in the world" She carries on says as I bite my lip to look at her
"I just want to be good enough for her mama, she said I would never be good enough" I continue to cry out my head dropping onto her shoulder
"you stop right there missy, you are good enough for anybody and she's not family anymore we are, and we love every single inch of you, you hear me?" Carli says grabbing my shoulders so we're looking each other in the eyes
"Can we go see my wife now please," I ask quietly to which Carli nods her head in response to.
She helps me stand up from the bath, my legs still slightly numb from the game but the ice helped massively and I only need to slightly lean into Carli's touch. As soon as we walk into the locker room everyone heads turn our way and words are being shouted out at me.
My ears can't take the loud noises and I can feel a sensory overload coming on already. Even though I had the surgery to correct my stutter past problems didn't go away either meaning I can still have my little episode out loud noises, stress or high emotions
"Guys shut up please! My wife is about to have a sensory overload" I hear Kelley say and soon enough she's wrapped her arms around the back of me and lowered us to the floor.
The room is silent now which helps massively but it still doesn't mean I can't hear every little thing going in right now, the sound of cleats on the hard floor, the metal lockers being slammed shut, every noise is making me flinch more and more
"Here put these on her" Carli whispers to Kelley which feels like a shout to me.
Soon enough something is slipped over my ears and my whole body relaxes at the sound of silence. I let my eyes close slowly and concentrate on Kelley drawing circles on the palm of my hand.
I hate still feeling like this, still feeling helpless and broken. I should be fixed by now right, my stutter is gone that's not holding me back in life? So why is it that I feel the constant need to prove myself to people I don't even know, he'll I'm trying to prove myself to myself! Shouldn't I be proud of everything I've overcome?
"Everyone's gone to the bus Hayley, why don't we get changed" Kelley whispers gently having slipped off one of the ears
I nod my head back slightly and let her pick me up from the floor and lead me towards my cubicle. When I've had one of these episodes the energy in me is usually drained and thankfully Kelley knows this because she starts undressing me.
She changes my wet sports bra and puts on a clean one before doing the same with my underwear and pants. She even takes off her hoodie and puts it on my instead, the smell of my wife invading my nose and filling me with a sense of security
"Let's get us back to bed hey" She quietly says and takes my hand in hers.
I follow Kelleys out the locker room and towards the team bus that's been parked even closer to the entrance thankfully and all the fans have gone home already.
As we're about to walk on I pull Kelley's hand back for a second gaining her attention quickly
"Can you tell them I'm okay but just need to to stay quiet for a bit" I sign to her.
She just smiles softly back to me and leans forward to plant a kiss on my forehead which I lean into thankfully.
"Hayley is fine but she just needs it to stay quiet for a little while longer" Kelley tells the team quietly as we get onto the bus.
Sonnett throws her hand up in the air and gives me a big thumbs up which soon causes the rest of the team to follow and I let out a little giggle at their childlike selves
Kelley's leads me to the back of the bus since I've noticed my usually bus buddy Carli is sitting next to Kelleys giving us the quietness of the back seats.
"I've got you now baby, you're going to be okay, we'll get through whatever you're dealing with together" Kelley whispers leaning my head onto her shoulder softly.
I must have fallen asleep during the journey because I'm woken up by Kelley gently shaking my arm and holding out her hand for me to take.
I do as she says and hold onto it tightly, we're last of the bus apparently because everyone has already headed up to their hotel rooms.
Kelley and I do the same, my legs wanting to reach that bed more and more as we carry on walking and soon enough they're granted their wish because the door is opened and I'm able to climb my way under the covers.
"What's going on in your head Hayley, I'm your wife I want to be able to help you with whatever your feeling?" Kelley signs to me
"I'm just want to be good enough Kel, I want to prove to everyone that I am the best and I am better" I sign back, letting Kelley sit down on the edge of the bed
"But you already are baby, everyone knows that Hayley Knight is the best women's soccer player in the world, you don't have anyone to prove that too," She tells me
"I feel like there's still something I haven proved, I was always focused and being the best because people doubted I could due to my stutter but now that's gone and I feel like the world is expecting me to exceed" I sigh out finally getting all my feeling into the open
"and I'm proud of you for doing that Hayley but not if you're hurting yourself in the process, I can see how tired and drained you get. That's not playing soccer for yourself because you love it, it's playing for someone else" She replies putting a hand on my knee
"I just want to enjoy myself again" I tell my wife, the odd tear slipping down my cheek
"and you will baby, I'll make sure of it," She says wiping away my tears and slipping under the covers next to me.
She grabs the remote from the bedside table and turns on the TV and flicks to the movie channel were Captain Marvel happens to be playing.
I snuggle further down into my wife's arms just as the door to our hotel is opened and I see Carli standing there with a few of our teammates.
They start streaming in and it ends up being the whole team, everyone taking a different position in the room either on the floor or the state bed we've got. Mal however decided to slide in right under me, her head resting on my chest.
I kiss the top of her head softly and pull the younger girl closer to me thankful to have a family who will always be there to support me no matter what.
Nobody says a word the whole night, everyone watching the movie quietly, cuddled up to their friends and family and making me realise how grateful I am to know each and everyone of them.