The sound of water trickling down the wall woke me up, it reminded me of the waterfall and her gentle lips. I should never have let things get that far, she's going to expect too much. Jordan exited the bathroom stark naked and I pulled my eyes away, grimacing at the sight. I picked up an empty water bottle from the bedside table and launched it at him, he turned around as it bounced off his back. The cocky bastard had a large smirk plastered across his face, knowing damn well what he did.
"How did it go?" He said with a raised eyebrow as he thankfully pulled up his boxers to contain his modesty. I covered my face with my hands and let out a regretful groan. "That bad?" he asked and I shook my head, not daring to release my hands and look him in the face. "That good?" he said with a surprised tone.
I finally looked at him, his big brown eyes staring at me with anticipation and suspense.
"I kissed her." I said quietly and as I watched his facial expression change I suddenly felt nervous. Silence filled the room as he absorbed my words.
"Wow." he finally muttered out.
That didn't seem like a good reaction.
"What?" I asked as the panic started rising from somewhere deep inside of me, was it really that bad? Jordan scratched his head and I could see him thinking about how to answer my question.
"You know she probably thinks you're together now, right?" he said casually.
No I didn't know that.
I was over here too busy procrastinating on how my body allowed me to do that and even weirder how my brain actually wanted to. How it was a fluke, a one off moment and I hoped she wasn't expecting more because I couldn't give her more. I was overthinking about her seeing my bruises, exploiting my weaknesses and dreading her using them against me or telling someone my truth. I never for one minute thought she would actually read too much into the kiss, but she would. You don't have to look far to realize she's in experienced and innocent. Heck, she probably thinks we're in love from that one kiss.
Jordan threw his head back laughing, probably analysing my expressions of worry, regret and fear. It wasn't funny, what have I done?
I needed to set the record straight.
***
It was a frosty day but the sweat ran down my back in the grossest way thanks to how hard coach worked us during practice this morning. By the time he blew the final whistle I think everyone was relieved, except me.
She set to work straight away gathering up the rouge soccer balls like her mind was weightless in contrast to the heaviness of mine. My heart thundered inside my chest and I knew the sweat covering my palms wasn't because of the workout I just did. I felt like an idiot hovering on the pitch as I built up the courage to go let her down gently.
She made no efforts to approach me and I mentally applauded that, maybe she didn't read too much into the kiss. She bent down to pick up another soccer ball, grasping it with her delicate fingers, the same fingers that twisted in my hair last night.
Stop it Liam, just go let her down gently.
I picked up a soccer ball and stalked her way, chewing down on the inside of my cheek nervously and annoyingly rubbing the back of my neck which is one of my worst nervous habits. She looked up at me as soon as I nearered. She looked fresh and beautiful, wearing the same jeans as last night with a cream knitted sweater that covered half of her hands because the sleeves were cosily too long. The butterflies started fluttering.
"Hi." I said trying to come across as casual but I was secretly falling apart.
"Hi." She said taking the ball from me and dropping it in her net.
I took a deep breath.
"About last night... you know it doesn't mean we are dating, right?" I just needed to say it, get it out there before I backed out. I don't know why I cared so much about hurting her feelings, but I did. On my words her smile dropped overtaken by the sadness behind her eyes.
Shit.
"You're breaking up with me?" she spoke through a desolate voice that knocked back my breath and caused my heart rate to soar.
Her reaction tugged on my heart strings in the strangest way, for some reason I didn't want to disappoint her, I didn't want to let her down gently. Reaching up I rubbed the back of my neck as I pondered over my next words.
"Liv...it was just...a kiss. A bit of fun... I'm sorry I shouldn't have done it, I knew you were inexperienced and would read too much into it. I can't... I don't date girls."
I refused to let my body breathe as I waited for her answer, desperately holding in the hope of not hurting her feelings. A large smile grew across her lips and she released a giggle that chipped at the stone surrounding my heart. She was playing me this whole time and it ignited a spark inside of me. I picked up a soccer ball and launched it at her playfully.
"Fuck. You're such a dick sometimes." I amused with a disapproving head shake.
"Who knew Liam cared enough about my feelings to let me down gently." She teased.
"Stop it, you'll ruin my street cred."
I couldn't wipe the smile from my face, my cheeks hurt and that was the effect Olivia had on me.
"You stink go get a shower." She shoved her hand into my shoulder.
The darkness rolled in, gripping at my throat and cutting off the circulation of air that ran through my lungs. I stepped back, safely out of her reach and tried to simmer down my feelings of fear before I gave myself away to her.
"You coming?" I managed to choke out.
"To the showers?" Slight confusion crossed her face but mine lit up, instantly easing the tension I held a moment ago.
If only.
"If you want, but I was more meaning to the diner for that fry up."
"Sure."
***
"The usual boys?" The waitress asked with a cunning smile plastered to her face, she takes our orders every morning but I've never seen a genuine smile on her face. Her name tag read Merida and her uniform made her look like a mutton dressed as lamb, it can't have been comfortable for her so it's no wonder she never looks truly happy.
"11 fry ups, 11 cokes" She muttered as she scribbled on a small notepad. I watched as a strand of wiry grey hair escaped her hairnet and hung loose over her face. Although she never rewarded us with service and a smile I still admired her, she was likely to be of retirement age but she was still working hard daily in a crummy job just to earn a wage and for that I made sure our table tipped well, which wasn't hard with the cash Jordan and Zak carried.
By the time Merida brought the food over I was engrossed in conversation about the game against Torrance High tomorrow. Michael has a big issue with me because he knows my ability to play soccer is far superior to his even though we play the same ranks. It's not about winning or losing the game, it's personal.
"Lucky you don't have a girl he can go after." Kyle spoke with a mouthful of food and I nodded in response.
"He'll go after Olive." Jordan the fucking loud mouth interrupted and I nearly choked on my bacon. she was sitting right next to me and he just announced that loudly. I gave him a swift boot to the leg and he glanced at me alarmed.
"You two together?" Kyle said, waving his finger between us both just in case I didn't fully understand his question.
I allowed a quick glance at Olivia, thankfully she didn't seem to be paying attention to us. Instead she was watching the conversation unfold between Tia and Zak and I facepalmed myself for inviting Olivia and her friend to this diner because my friends are actual dicks.
"No." I said straightly as I turned back to look Kyle in the eye. He knew not to question me any further. I loaded my mouth up with food, glad the conversation had finished there.
"But he wants to be." Jordan mumbled under his breath.
I said nothing but I shot him a death glare that told him to zip it.
"So who else has fucked everyone here?" Tia directed the question to all the jocks on the table.
Jesus, what is with the questions? I think my eyebrows shot so high they left my face. Tia, Olivia and Zak all looked our way, waiting for an answer but for some reason I felt like the question was directed only at me. I didn't want Olivia to know about my hyper sexuality, she's seen enough to figure out what caused it.
"We've all had a turn to be honest." Zak answered them.
"I've not slept with Chloe, she's holding out on me." Jordan chimed in, correcting Zaks statement.
I don't know how they can be so openly discussing this. Everyone else stayed quiet, including me.
"Bens in love with Helen but she's not interested. Liam has done just about everyone in our grade, piling through them like they are his conquests but never goes back for seconds. And these guys, some of them are in long committed relationships, some of them playing the field so they've had a bit of this and that. Zak explained, pointing around the table to each person.
I felt my body instantly tense at the mention of my name as he revealed private information to the one person who I didn't want to know. I felt her sag beside me and I couldn't take my bulging eyes off Zak, letting him know he did me wrong. From my peripheral vision I could see Jordan shaking his head at Zak and I knew he was defending me but it was too late.
Olivia stood up and left the table as ripples of waves left my body and traveled across the table, hitting Zak square in the chest. He could sense them and feel how cold the atmosphere was between us. I thought about denying it but I didn't want to lie to her especially when everyone else knows it's true. I didn't mind her knowing how many girls I've been with, I minded her having another piece of my jigsaw puzzle.
"Gonna use the restroom before we go."
Jordan stood up and threw down some notes as I continued to wallow in maybe losing the only girl that's made me feel.