A/N: This is not set in any particular era. Therefore, there may be some elements that seem anachronistic. Also, I have been in a slump with my main story "What the Fork?". This idea came to me at work and I just HAD to write it. It feels good to have written something.
At work I saw a meme describing panic attacks vs anxiety (at the top of the post). Then, I had been thinking about how long it has been since I have had a panic attack. I also thought of the panic attack that got me to realize that I needed to get professional help. I had to pick my boyfriend up from work. My friend was with me and when we got to the parking lot, the only open spots were handicap spaces, spaces for executives, and spaces for law enforcement. I'd had a panic attack and my friend helped me through it.
Panic attacks can be scary, and it can feel as if you're having a heart attack. If you suffer from panic attacks and want someone to talk to, please, feel free to reach out to me any time.
Words: 2069
Warnings: graphic depiction of a panic attack, swearing
*******
You had no idea why you chose to fly out a week earlier than Axl to spend time with just your twin sisters. The twins were bickering, the airport was packed, and the distance from Axl was weighing heavily on your mind. You were in your sister's Prius trying to find a space to park and Axl's flight was supposed to be touching down in 20 minutes.
It was too early to pull up to the doors where passengers exit, and the waiting lot was full. The only open space that you could see was a handicap space. As cars piled up behind you, panic started to rise. Your skin felt tingly and as if bugs were crawling all over you. As you drove in circles your body started to tense up. A sharp, stabbing pain suddenly came in your right shoulder where it met your neck. You paused for a moment and checked your purse for your Xanax but only found an empty bottle. *Fuck, the extra bottle is in my suitcase.* Then you looked at your smart watch and saw that the heart rate monitor app showed your heart was beating at 138 beats per minute and it was still climbing. With your whole body tensing up, your chest was constricting. Breathing was getting difficult and you were starting to hyperventilate. You had tears starting to fall and the panic was rapidly increasing.
Then, thankfully, a car in front of you pulled out. You focused on just getting in the space. Without bothering to park the car you hit the power button. The car stopped and automatically parked. The feeling of panic was not gone yet. You looked at your watch and saw that you were now at 151 bpm. When you noticed the time, a choked sob ripped from your throat. Your boyfriend's plane would touch down in mere minutes.
When you saw the cars backed up behind you, you realized there was no way you could leave the space. Panic then snapped through every fiber of your being. You were suddenly slammed with an increase in your symptoms: throat constricting, hyperventilation, sobbing, nausea, chills, and paranoia.
Feeling confined and trapped by the steering wheel, you scrambled into the back seat. You curled up in the fetal position and started to scratch at scabs on your legs and arms as you rocked back and forth. The sobbing and hyperventilating were making it difficult to breathe. Your thoughts were racing. *Would Axl think that you had left him? Would he think you forgot? Am I dying? Would he hate you? Why would anyone want me, let alone him? I'm having a fucking breakdown over parking spaces.* Similar thoughts kept racing through your mind. Time and the outside world held no meaning. You did not even realize that your phone was almost constantly ringing.
*** Earlier in the plane ***
"Please put your seats in their upright positions and fasten your seat belts. We will be beginning our descent shortly."
Axl was already sitting up so he fastened his seat belt. Axl took out his phone and smiled at his lock screen. The picture was one of his favorites; you were beaming down at a tiny tabby kitten that you held cradled to your chest. He opened his phone to shoot off a text to let you know that the plane was descending. He shut his screen off and put his phone in his carry-on bag.
This past week without being able to hold you in his arms was rough. It didn't help that you were halfway across the country from each other either. Phone calls and texts only went so far. As much as you tried to deny it, Axl knew that you were tense and something was eating at you. He was almost wondering if you were mad at him. He couldn't think of what might have gone wrong. You had seemed so happy and care free when he dropped you off at the airport last week. He kept pushing those thoughts to the back of his head, and telling himself that everything would be fine once he laid eyes on you.
By the time the plane landed, he was pretty keyed up by his thoughts. Axl was thankful for being in first class. He was one of the first people off of the plane. He looked around for you for a few moments, before he realized that you would have to wait by the doors for him. He grabbed his phone out of his carry-on and looked at his notifications. There was nothing except a notification from his weather app stating that it was 70°F and partly cloudy. Axl shot off a text to let you know that he was headed to baggage claim. He huffed and shoved his phone into his jacket pocket.
Axl slung his carry-on over his shoulder and made sure that his hair was still hidden beneath his hat and underneath his leather jacket. He didn't want to stick out as he made his way through the airport to the baggage claim area. Axl followed the signs and looked for the conveyor belt that his suitcase would be on. Once he got to the right conveyor belt, he pulled his phone out while he waited.
A frown formed on Axl's face when he saw that it had been 20 minutes since he texted that he was landing. You still had not replied. You hadn't even read the messages. He clicked the call button and listened to it just ring and ring. Once he heard your voice mail recording, he started to get pissed. "Y/N, what the hell?! Where the fuck are you? Ugh, I'm grabbing my bag and I'll be at the pick-up doors." Axl growled angrily and lowly into the phone.
Axl shoved his phone back into his jacket once he saw his suitcase. He kept his head down as he grabbed his bags and made his way to the exit. He got outside and looked every which way and there was no sign of you. He didn't even have a clue what car you were supposed to be driving. Axl waited impatiently. He was pacing back and forth and tried to call you three times in a row. As the people and cars cleared, his anger slowly dissipated, and he started to worry. After most of the people from his flight were picked up, Axl pulled his phone up and he called one of your sisters.
"Hey it's Axl. Where's Y/N? It's been 40 minutes." he didn't bother with pleasantries.
Your sister was immediately worried, "What do you mean?! She left for the airport a little over an hour and a half ago. It only takes a half an hour to get there!"
Axl's eyes widened and he stopped in his tracks and looked around for signs of a waiting lot, "Damnit! Fuck! What kinda car did she drive here?"
"She took my Prius. It's black and has a shitload of bumper stickers. You'll know it when you-"
Axl saw the Prius in the distance and cut your sister off, "I see it! Thanks!" He hung up without saying goodbye.
He shoved his phone back into his jacket, grabbed his bags and ran to the car. He was worried when he didn't see anyone in the car. Once Axl reached the car, he looked into the back seat. He dropped his bags and swore under his breath. He tried the car door and it wasn't locked. He went to slowly open the door.
You were curled up on your side. You were still trembling and hyperventilating. Your heart and thoughts were racing. *I shouldn't be here. I should have stayed at home with Axl. No! No! He's gonna be mad! I know he's fed up with me. Hell, I'm sick of this! I need to get out of here. I need Axl. I can't do this. I can't.* The soft noise of the door opening seemed sudden and loud. It startled you and you scrambled away from the door. When you saw Axl, you shouted and started to mumble "no" over and over again.
Once Axl saw the look of pure terror on your face, his heart broke a little. He had to remind himself to tread carefully. He hadn't ever seen you have this bad of a panic attack. Axl took a deep breath and crouched down outside of the car. He spoke slowly and softly, "Hey there angel. Can I sit in the car with you?"
You nodded once and pressed yourself further into the far door.
Axl sighed, "One sec angel, I'm gonna put my bags in the trunk. I'll be right back." When you didn't respond he just stood up and picked his carry-on and suitcase up off of the ground. Once he had loaded his bags into the trunk, he slowly climbed into the back seat and shut the door. He saw that you had your eyes screwed shut and he thought a moment before starting to sing softly.
Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Said "woman take it slow, and it'll work itself out fine"
All we need is just a little patience
Said "sugar make it slow and we'll come together fine"
All we need is just a little patience
Without looking at him you reached out a hand to Axl. He paused and slowly took your hand. He leaned forward and pressed his soft lips to your palm in a sweet kiss. He laced his fingers together with yours before he continued to sing.
You squeezed his hand and started to breathe slowly. Your breaths started out shaky as they slowed. With Axl's hand grounding you, you focused on counting as you breathed. *In, 1, 2, 3, 4, out, 2, 3, 4* You repeated that over and over. As you controlled your breathing, you stopped trembling and your heart rate slowed.
By the time Axl finished singing, you had sat up and were looking at him. Axl smiled widely at you and said, "Hey there angel. Do you feel a little better?"
You looked down at your entwined hands and smiled sadly, "Ax I'm so sor-"
Using his free hand, Axl put his fore finger to your lips to cut off your apology. "Y/N, sweetheart, once I talked to your sister, I was so worried about you. It's a good thing that this car is so easy to spot." He paused to take a shaky breath, "I didn't care about the wait. I only cared about whether or not you were safe. I don't even want to think about what I'd do if you were hurt."
You smiled at him sweetly and moved closer to him. "All the same, I'm still sorry about the worry that I caused. I was just so tense already from the twins arguing. When I got here it was packed and there were cars everywhere. I started to panic, but I forgot my extra meds in my suitcase. Luckily, a space opened up and I was able to park before the worst hit me."
Axl placed his free hand on your cheek and slowly ran his thumb along your cheek bone. "I wish I had been here with you angel. I missed you so much and I love you even more."
You closed your eyes and pressed your cheek into his warm touch. You smiled and hummed happily.
A smile spread slowly across Axl's face. His eyes fell to your lips and he started to lean in slowly. As his face got closer to yours, he could smell your light, floral perfume. His eyes fell shut just before he pressed his lips softly to yours.
You let out a soft squeak when you felt Axl's soft lips against yours. As your lips moved together, the spice of his cologne and the faint scent of leather filled your nostrils. Warmth finally spread throughout your chest.
Finally, you were calm. At last, you felt at home.