The next day after my very (not) eventful night, I was back to my usual productive self. Not having the burden of my unfortunate philosophy class helped with me being able to focus on my biology syllabus.
Despite spending almost every second reverting back to the words Matteo said, I managed to make it through. I've just really been occupied by his rude interpretation of who I am. Things like that don't usually matter to me but something in the way he said it made it matter.
He was angry. He seemed so angry that I acted the way he perceived me and it never occurred to me why. But then again, I'm sure I wouldn't want to find out.
Danica, on the other hand, woke me up in the middle of the night smelling like puke and weed. She needed help getting to bed and of course, me being the sensible one, I had to help. She spoke nonstop about her disgust when she walked in on Matteo and Jocelyn doing...the dirty. Bearing it was hard enough but hearing it in detail was a bit too much for my half-asleep mind to think about that I ended up shutting her up.
Quite the night I suppose. Never would've worked for me either way.
Sometimes I do wonder why I got stuck with her. Most times she's actually decent compared to the less responsible girls around the campus. Despite being persuasive and insensitive sometimes, she actually cared. Then again, my long history of disloyal friends and desperation for real ones do lower my standards in friendship. I guess I really just took what I can access at the time and well, it's Danica. She never acted up before so that's why I stuck around and I hope it doesn't change.
If people meet me once then they wouldn't think that my social life is suffering. But if they know me, then they know what it's really like.
An example: right now.
Walking aimlessly with the laughing crowd after hours. It's routine. Danica is on the other side of the campus so I don't get to see her during breaks and after school. I've gotten used to this loneliness but sometimes it makes me wonder how nice it would be to have someone to talk to. To be part of something.
Being on top also means bearing the cold. That's where I am. People think I'm too much, too less or too extreme. They either stay because they want something or leave because they couldn't understand me. I take no offense to that now but when it started in third grade, I took every bit of offense. It hurts to know you don't fit in because you grew up way too fast or you have a different path you want to take.
I feel a lump in my throat as I hugged my thick binder closer to my chest like the walls I've built up.
Being lonely for so long you just start forgetting and you kind of just start walking around like a zombie. Build a routine and live off of that. Nothing changes, nothing bad happens. Mother did say having no friends is better than having friends who aren't on my level.
It's funny actually because in college I'm the one who isn't on anyone's level.
I mean it's a wonderful day, the beginning of fall and the leaves started changing colors. The breeze is nice and cool while the sun painted over the concrete walls, but I'm still alone.
It makes me question all the things I could be missing out on. I mean sure, most of them are bad but- are they really that bad?
"Hey! Tigress! Hold up!" I hear a familiar voice call out from behind me and I turned around with a wondering frown.
There, I find the only Cade, muttering his excuses while he ran through the crowd and towards me.
His fashion statement seemed to have changed overnight with a colorful button-up and a few unbuttoned buttons. No glasses today and a very messy mop of hair. Then the look of...distress?
"Ca-"
"No time, come on, " he yanks me by the hand and drags me through the incoming crowd making me almost stumble and fall on my face.
What the hell?
"Thank fuck I found you." He said and I look around trying to see what he was running from but found nothing.
"Cade, what the heck?" I say as he pulls me around a corner. We stop and he peeks through the side, huffing and puffing in exasperation and I just watched in confusion.
If he was scared then I'm scared of him being scared. Is he like about to get beaten up? Did Matteo insult him so bad that it made him run? The second option seemed more plausible.
"Alright, I think we are in the clear now." He sighs, catching his breath while leaning down to his knees. He does look really frazzled and I couldn't help but watch as he tried to get himself together.
He was sweating, bag half-open, shoes untied, and a loose mind. He did not look that good.
"Uh..." I began, seeing that he caught his breath, "mind explaining?"
He groans a throaty one before clumsily standing up as though he had just been drunk before looking at me.
"I was running away, " he said.
"I noticed, " I remarked, "but who, why, or what were you running from?"
"Oh!" He exulted as though he thought I wouldn't ask him that and I stare in disbelief.
Why would he think that I would just run with him for god-knows-what he did? If he hasn't dragged me then I wouldn't be so interrogative. No one suddenly calls you then grabs you by the hand before running for your life. No one - but Cade I guess.
"Right, that, " he started, still out of breath.
"I was- it was a girl. I was running from a girl." He looks at me and I stare at him.
Silence overtook us for a few seconds; then I burst out laughing.
He frowns at me but I only laugh even more.
"You? Running from a girl?" I laughed, "I definitely did not see that coming."
I see him look down and turn a bright shade of red while he fixed himself.
"Hey, look, it's not what you think, " he said with his voice dropping an octave and I could tell he wasn't happy with my comment. I felt bad for a second but realizes that imagining him running from a girl must've been a sight to see.
"I don't run away from girls like a pussy, " he defended, "this particular one though is a little much."
"Uh-huh, " I crossed my arms, "care to elaborate?" I leaned on the wall beside me feeling rather interested and he clenches his jaw. He may not be happy about it but he owes me an explanation.
He breathes out and muttered a few curses before looking up and leaning to the wall as I did.
"Her name is Emily, " he said, "she asked me out before summer and well- I may or may not have said I was gonna think about it-"
"-But you weren't because...you knew you would've said no anyway?"
He looks at me with a raised brow and a gleam of amusement painted over his eyes before pointing a finger at me.
"Yes...that is exactly why- nice inference." He winked and I roll my eyes.
Every Romantic connoisseur knows that those moves are the classic 'I-don't-want-to-hurt-your-feelings' moves. It either shows you're kind to others but a jerk to the said person. Romance 101: always get to the point.
"Anyway, ever since I said that she has never left me alone. She messages me constantly and even called me like five times in the past month."
"Why didn't you just tell her the truth?" I said and he scoffs.
"Do you even know what the pressure is like tigress?" He remarked and my jaw drops. He mused at me and chuckled.
"Ok, one, I've seen enough films to qualify as a romantic advisor and two, that nickname really does not suit me." I stood up and walked the other way followed by him.
"Films aren't anywhere close to reality."
"Right, I feel very offended by that statement- have you ever seen The Fault In Our Stars? That's based in a true story." I remarked and he only laughs even louder.
What is it with people laughing at me value points? I swear no one ever takes me for all seriousness.
"Wow, you are definitely a tigress, " he insisted and I groaned before walking down the steps towards the music hall.
Band rehearsals are today and I couldn't be any happier. Sure I'm not so close to the group but it truly is the only time I get to unwind and work on something other than notebooks and textbooks. I always look forward to band practice.
"Alright, give me one valid example of me being that, " I challenged him playfully, confident that he wouldn't think of anything because well- we don't know each other that well.
"Oh right, hmm, let me think uh..." He said and I could hear the sarcasm in his voice, "oh! The time when you slapped Axel straight across. And you'll be happy to know that it did leave a massive bruise. He basically hates you now."
I stop just in front of the glass doors to the rehearsal rooms, a proud grin on my face. I feel my cheeks warm-up at the memory but that's just because it was one of my prestige moments.
Alright, I take it back, maybe he's right. Maybe I'm a little bit of a tigress.
"Oh...kay....that's a fair answer, " I said in defeat, facing him now who had a proud look on his face.
"Exactly, " he placed a little tap on the tip of my nose with his finger and I flinch. He chuckles before smoothly putting his hands to his pockets.
That...was a suspicious gesture but, pay no mind to it. Should just be the adrenaline pumping through him after all that running.
"Anyway, hope you settle things with this Emily girl," I tell him while I watched his lips curl into a mischievous smile while he looked into the room.
I frown at him before he caught my gaze again.
"And I hope you haven't had a bad day yet because" he points inside and I follow it. "I think it's about to get a whole lot worse."
And indeed he was right, in there I find Matteo, hand-wrapped around Jocelyn while they spoke to Jackson- the band manager.
"Does he have a bug on me or something?" I croaked, letting my arms fall to my sides in utter defeat.
Why? Why does he now have to be everywhere I am?
Do monsters always follow their prey? Of course, they do. And yes, I am the prey.