Jungkook taps on her name and it brought him to her Instagram page. There are still no new updates since her last post five months ago...back when they were still together, when everything was fine and they were happy. He was happy. He took another deep breath, staring at her picture. She was looking out into the night sky – her side profile looked serene and calm, just as strands of her long brown hair blew with the wind. She looks so beautiful, just like how he remembers her.
How are you? Have you been well? Do you still hate me for what I did? Have you moved on?
He felt his heart ache at the lingering thoughts. It's not just now that he's been missing her and regretted what he had done, leaving her for another. He's been feeling it all the while, but it started to really kick in his system around a month after that night. The night he left her to walk to his apartment alone, gather her stuff and leave so he could easily start his new life with Ji-Eun.
There were voices inside...his voices...telling him what a fool he was but he ignored it and forcefully replaced it with Ji-Eun. Telling himself that Ji-Eun is better in every way possible. It wasn't hard to believe as Ji-Eun has been one of the most successful female soloist in the country. Everyone loves her sweet persona. She was every Korean man's ideal girl! Jungkook kept telling himself how lucky he is that Ji-Eun picked him.
The memory of how it all started came back unwelcomed. Two years after he produced Euphoria – the first song he ever made, inspired by Lisa herself - he was still getting demands of producing for the biggest names in the music industry. One of them is Ji-Eun. She was friendly since the very beginning, flirty even after only their second meet. She was always complimenting him, trusting his advises and agreeing with his suggestions. He remembered feeling like he's important.
Lisa understood that he has to work late all the time – and that the project was important for him, so she never questioned much. She was really happy that he got to work with Ji-Eun – she was her fan as well! Jungkook kept the flirty affair for close to two months before finally deciding to choose the girl who he thought is in the same industry as him and was then, perfect for him. He was an asshole, yes.
His long-time girlfriend didn't have big dreams like himself. It started as his passion, but soon turned more. He wanted to succeed and be respected. He wanted to be known while she was fine working as a dance instructor at a small studio. When he was making his choice, he thought he wouldn't get where he wanted to be with Lisa. Ji-Eun convinced him more by pushing those thoughts into his mind.
Ji-Eun, as she claimed herself, would be perfect for him. She's pretty. She's famous. Girls want to be her and men could only hope they'd get a second glance and a smile from her. Everyone wants to be in her life and she picked him to be in it. He thought he had proven himself and she would complete his life in a way. They'd look like the perfect couple – the couple everyone's jealous of!
He honestly kept that thought firmly in his mind to a point of disregarding the girl who had been there since the very beginning. The first girl he had ever fallen in love with – the one who had gotten him to where he is now. She was always so kind...so patient and helpful. She loved him through his weaknesses and despite all his trials. He remembered promising himself that he'll marry her one day.
It has always been only her – inspiring him,encouraging him, loving him. And he took it for granted. He became selfish andprideful. He was consumed with fame and all the attention while she comfortablystayed grounded, trusting him and his choices. She moved here to be with himwhile he – being so engulfed with his mindless, ill-considered feelings withJi-Eun – didn't even cared that she'd have no where to go to when he expectedher out from his apartment that night. What kind of an ugly, cruel person was hethen?
Every meaningful songs he ever produced were all for her. And that last song...would it be right to get Lee Hi to sing it? It was from 2 months ago, when everything he'd been denying came bursting out in forms of words – with tears falling down in one rainy night – to which he wrote down and played on the same piano she gifted him on his 18th birthday. It seems that he could only do right when it comes to her.
If only he had realize it sooner...beforeeverything fell apart. Before he recklessly let her go without listening to hisheart. It was beating only for her – even when he left her at the side of thestreet – his heart was crying with her every step farther from him! God, he wasthe ultimate fool!
Jungkook hangs his head back to the sofa. Ji-Eun had left for good, along with all her stuff. He shouldn't have forced it. He should've left when that first sign came alight – instead of continuing this relationship and lying to himself for this long. He had foreseen this and now it's here. Ji-Eun never loved him and he never loved her. Like him, she was just using the relationship for her own benefits.
He knew that for a long time but he lets her do it anyways. It'll be hard for the tabloids to dig up dirty details about her if she's seen with other men in the industry. She's been sleeping with that manager of hers for God knows how long but Jungkook only realized it after Lisa had left. He knew it...he just never spoke of it. It's funny how he's not even slightly jealous or enraged over it.
Maybe Ji-Eun was right to say what she had said about him. He did – every morning – muttered out 'Lily' while trying to find the body next to him. At first he shrugged it off, telling Ji-Eun it's only because he's used to having his ex-girlfriend around for so long. But after a month...well, Ji-Eun got the picture.
Lisa was the best thing that's ever happened to him and he lets her slip away coldly just because of his impulsiveness and greed. She didn't deserve it. His heart felt heavy and the tears are building up again as the image of her proud smile came in mind. I miss you...I feel like I've been missing you all my life and I miss you even more now – so much that it hurts! What has he done all these while? What has he accomplished? Or become?
His heart wasn't quite the same anymore. He had been distant to everyone who cared about him and focused on getting more recognition in the industry. Even his songs never quite reflected his emotions anymore. It was lazy and uninspiring, just like him! God, everything is just a mess! His house, his life – him entirely!
...
"Look at you, you're a mess!" He laughed, looking at the kitchen counter and back to the girl with bits of white flour plastered on her right cheek and neck.
"What?" She looked so cute with her clueless eyes and pouting lips.
"Why are you baking? Wait, are you finally accepting the fact that you're bad at cooking and now decided to try baking??"
She squints her eyes at him and goes back to pouting. "No...I...I wanted to make you a cake,"
"A cake? For what?"
"For your birthday tomorrow. Why are you home so early?"
Oh...had he been so busy that he forgot his own birthday? Well, good thing his Lily remembers it for him then!
"I just miss you," He reached out for her hand and pulls her in a hug. She smells like butter and vanilla...yum! "I feel like I haven't seen you much these past couple of days,"
"Aish...you're so clingy!" She slaps on a shoulder as he giggled. "I miss you too, bunny,"
It's an amazing feeling – he's never tired of hearing these sweet mutterings from her! He kept hearing how couples tend to fall into a routine and somehow lost touch with each other after a while, but they've been living together for almost 3 years now since he moved to Seoul and nothing like that has happened. Not a single day felt the same with her. On the contrary, it always felt like the first time over and over again. Jungkook wouldn't trade it for anything else!
"Yahh you're hugging me too tight –" She winced and Jungkook release her, laughing slightly like a fool. "Since you miss me so much, you can sit there and tell me about your day while I finish making this," She hops back to the counter and continues mixing some cream in a bowl.
"I feel like I should prepare a fireextinguisher just in case –" He runs as fast as he can when she began chasinghim with the whisk.
...
"Happy birthday to you..." She finished the song and placed the cake on the coffee table in front of him.
"So um...when will you sing one of my songs?" He grins and she laughs.
"You can't judge based on a birthday song –"
"Mmm...but you forgot...I heard you singing in the shower too," He kissed her blushing cheek and blew the candles, shutting his eyes for a quick wish.
He heard the small clapping of her hands before she hands over the small cake knife. The frosting and decorations are...questionable...but she insisted that she tried it and that it tastes really good so he can't wait to dig in!
"And..." She runs to the bedroom and came out with a little box in her hand. "A smaller one as promised," She chuckled, handing it to him.
Ahh yes...she got him a piano on their first year together. He was grateful but he felt bad so he asked her to not get something that big again in the future. Her second birthday gift to him was a set of audio mixer – which he loved so much but was also, still considered big. The third was a pair of Balenciaga leather combat boots that she noticed he liked in one of the times they went out shopping together...and he asked her to promise that the next would be something smaller.
Jungkook hurriedly started to unwrap it, excited for what's inside. "Baby..." He gasped upon finding the Cartier logo on what looks like a ring box. "Is...is this a proposal?"
"Noo!!" Lisa bursts into a fit of laughter and leans back to the couch. Jungkook laughed with, feeling slightly dazed by how nice his remark sounded. He opens to find the plain, shiny silver, sitting nicely at the center. He takes it out and noticed engravings on the side.
'I am in the stars & wherever you are' JKLM
It's so beautiful...just like her. He looks up to her hopeful face and immediately pulls her in a kiss. God, does she know how fucking in love he is with her?!