FP had moved them over to the couch, trying to calm her down as best as he could. He kept an arm around her as she snuggled into his side, sobs and tears subsiding very slowly.
"You okay, Al?" He whispers.
"No." She sniffles, he sighs. "Who have you told?"
"Charles knows."
"Charles? That's what you two were talking about in the basement?" She lifts her head up off his chest.
"Yeah, I'm sorry Al. I wasn't planning on telling him but he just-"
"No, it's okay. I'm glad you had someone to talk to." She smiles weakly.
"Yeah, he's been great. Coming to doctors appointments with me, gotten me on every alternative he can find." He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Have you looked into it at all?"
"Yeah, we talked about it." He shrugs.
"I have so many connections, I can see what I can do. Jake Robins, over at the hospital, he knows everybody. I'll call him, I'll-"
"Al, I've been through it all, all that's left is for me to wait on this damn list." He cuts her off, not being able to bare hearing her trying to save him again.
She nods slowly and snuggles back into his side, taking in his scent. He kisses the top of her head, knowing he won't get moments like these with her after today, considering what he was about to go.
"We're in this together now." She embraces him tighter.
"I'm sorry, Al. No." He holds back his tears.
She lifts her head up slowly, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"I can't do this with you with me." He shakes his head, unwrapping his arm from around her.
"What- what do you mean you can't do this with me?"
"I mean I've already put you through more than enough pain with all of my stupid mistakes."
"And that's behind us." She places a hand on his knee.
"I will be damned if I'm going to drag you through all the disappointment and the hurt of all of this. Look at the pity in your eyes." He tells her harshly.
"Look at my eyes." She whimpers, her blue orbs slowly filling with tears as they lock eyes. "That is not pity, it is love."
He looks away as she wipes a tear. "I'm sorry this is just how it has to be. I have made up my mind."
"You can't just make up your mind!"
"I do, alright? I do get to make up my mind, I know that might be shocking to you." He spits out, standing up from the couch.
"What in the hell is that suppose to mean?" She stands up from her seat too.
"You always make the decisions in our lives together. You married Hal, you-you couldn't tell me about Charles-"
"You know damn well why I had to do those things, FP." Her voice cracks.
"Al, this is my sickness, and I'm sorry but you're just going to have to accept this." He tells her, storming past her to his bedroom, slamming the door shut.
Alice took a few deep breathes, wondering why this was all happening. Why he was giving up so easily. She knew one this for sure, she wasn't going down without a fight.
-
Alice sat on the couch with a cup of her favourite tea as she waited for FP to cool down. It had been almost an hour now and he hadn't come out of his room.
She heard a few things crash, assuming he threw around some of his belongings. She waited on the couch patiently, planning her next move to help him through this.
His door swung open revealing a distraught FP. Their eyes immediately met and he shook his head seeing as she was still here.
"Yeah, I'm still here." She took a sip of her tea.
"You shouldn't be." He walks to the kitchen to grab himself a cup of coffee.
"Yeah I think I should be." She sets her cup down and makes her way to his small kitchen. "I don't understand why you choose to run away when things get tough, FP. I've watched you do it your entire life, please don't do this now, please don't do this again." She begs him.
"We're done talking about this." He states, pouring his coffee into his mug.
"Why are you shutting me out, FP? I'm here, I'm right here. Why are you doing this?" She exclaims.
He turns around to face her with fire in his eyes. "Because I am going to die, Alice, okay?"
"You're not going to die!"
"I don't want you around to watch that." He ignores her, taking his mug to his living room.
"You are on a transplant list, you are going to get a new liver!" She follows him.
"I screwed up my entire life, this is karma. This is me getting what I have always deserved." He exclaims, setting his mug down on the coffee table.
"Fp, that is ridiculous!" She yells.
"Don't you get it? I don't get some kind of happily ever after." He yells back. "All of this? this doesn't matter, nothing matters." He continues yelling as he gestures between the two of them.
"Nothing matters?" She's taken aback.
"No!"
Rage and pain had filled her entire body hearing his words. "Nothing matters? Okay, nothing matters?" She walks swiftly towards his guitar.
"Alice, what are you-" he doesn't get to finish his sentence as she smashes his guitar.
He lets out a sigh. "What did you do that for?"
"You said nothing matters, why do you care?" She sassily repeats his words, eyeing his prized possession fish hanging on the wall.
She starts walking towards it, but he sees what she's going for and gently grabs her arm to gold her back.
"Do not touch me!" She pushes him away. "I thought you said nothing matters?" Her voice breaks.
"You're right." He whispers, taking the fish down from the wall. "Here, break it. Break everything in this damn trailer." He hands it to her.
She shakes her head in disbelief, tears stinging in her eyes. "You always said you wanted to be the man who deserved me. Now you have a chance to do that, with me, right here right now."
"It's not that simple, Al."
"Of course it's that simple. What? Do you not believe in us enough?" She asks him.
He stays silent, letting his head hang low not being able to watch Alice's face fall.
"Well, If you were trying to break my heart again, you just did." She whispers, willing away the tears.
She hands him the fish before grabbing her coat and exiting the trailer, unable to be in the same room as him right now.
He set the fish on the couch and decided he needed a cold shower. He finally pushed her away enough, now he just needed it to stick.
-
He had taken his shower and changed into some clean clothing. It was time to take the medication his doctor prescribed him. So he made his way to the kitchen, glimpsing out the window to see a familiar blonde sitting on the steps of his trailer.
He shook his head, punching the bridge of his nose. Had she not left yet? Had she been here this entire time. He chucked the pills in his mouth, and swallowed them dry before making his way outside.
"Have you been here this entire time?" He questions her softly.
"Yeah." She sniffles.
It's silent for a few moments before FP decides to talk about what's been bothering him.
"What about our kids?" He chokes out. "Charles, he's a grown up, probably won't affect him much. Jughead, well he's leavening soon so probably won't affect him much either. But Jellybean... What about her?"
He decides to sit down next to her, seeing her wipe away the tears that had stained her face.
"You can survive anything, hell you have. You are the strongest woman I know, you'll survive the disaster that is me. But Jellybean? I don't want to give her that happy ending of a big sweet family, just to take it all away from her."
"You don't know that's going to happen, FP. You're already basically taking it away right now by leaving me, leaving us." She inhales sharply.
"I can't risk it, I have to protect her heart from this. I don't want her feeling this pain." He lets out.
"She's a strong girl, a very strong girl. She's so much stronger than you know."
"Not everyone is as strong as you, Al." He pushes himself up from the steps to return back in the house. "I love you, Alice, and if I do get through this, we can be that big happy family that we both always dreamed of. But if I don't, it's better this way." He tells her before leaving her outside on his doorstep.
-
Only twenty minutes later, Alice is storming into the trailer to find FP sitting on his couch with a scowl on his face.
"You're wrong, you are so wrong about everything, you know that right?"
"Alice, just listen-"
"No, you listen!" She cuts him off, just seconds away from exploding into tears.
"You might die. Yeah, I said it." He places his head into his hands. "But if you do, I'd rather us be together, the way we were always meant to be. I want our kids to see what true love, what soulmates look like. I don't ever want to protect them from that, even if it hurts, even if it ends." She lets a few tears roll down her cheeks.
"You will not be able to protect us from all of the hurt we will feel from this." She starts walking towards him. "Lets just experience the happiness, all that life can offer for us right now." She sits next to him, taking his hands into hers.
"Alice-" he's seconds away from breaking, she knows it.
"Please stop fighting me, fight for us, fight for our family." He sheds a tear. "We have screwed this relationship up so many times, but we aren't going to do that now. We are going to fight to be together, to have our beautiful family to-" she's cut off with his lips meeting hers.
She kisses him back with a smile which he can feel through the kiss. He pushes her down on the couch, hovering over her. Their tongues battening for dominance as the passion grows. He starts trailing kisses down her neck.
He's always been wrapped around her finger, he has always needed her. So he gave in, he was going to battle this cancer with her by his side.
-
After coming off their highs, they laid cuddled up on the couch. Both naked, wrapped in a blanket, enjoying the candles FP had lit for them.
He took her hand in his and kissed it softly, watching her smile grow bigger. His mind had wandered to the kids, how he was now going to have to tell them about his cancer.
Alice watched his face drop. "Hey, what's wrong?"
He sighs. "Telling the kids about me? That-That is just going to be very hard."
"We're going to get through it, just like we will with everything else this world has to offer for us. You and me, forever." She traces his jawline.
"Having you here, in my arms right now, makes everything just seem a lot less terrifying." He smiles, caressing her cheek.
"I just love it when I'm right." She smirks.
He shakes his head, as they both start laughing like two sick teenagers in love.
He takes her chin between his index finger and thumb as he continues to chuckle. "Shut up." He pulls her into a sweet kiss.
A kiss that would possibly be one of their lasts.