CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
—dumb blessings
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—THE fifth story apartment in Manhattan's lower class district that morning felt small, too small. It felt crushingly small. Headachingly small. Judith could barely breathe, let alone think clearly in the little living area that the demigods and hellhound found themselves in. And Ms. Jackson's eyes ...
They were big, so big and worried. And they broke Judith down to absolute silence.
Up until this point, Judith hadn't really realized just how much she was asking of Percy. Of course, she knew this was a big task to undertake, but when had Percy ever had a menial task? She was selfish, and she had convinced herself that this — this solution — could help him, and that he could only survive if he did this. But to have his mother, the woman who raised him — and only ever wanted the best for him — to have her hesitate and argue the idea with tears in her eyes. Well, it was a little reality check for the daughter of Ares.
Percy Jackson wasn't untouchable, no matter how many times he'd evaded death, and no matter how much she willed him to be. If the past few years had taught her anything, it was that demigods weren't invincible. And she'd convinced herself that she could change that, that she could help him become invulnerable. But she'd ignored the blatant fact that she could be leading him to his early grave. Judith had forced that thought out of her mind long ago because the thought of Percy dying was just ... impossible.
"Percy, it's dangerous," Ms. Jackson said and Judith couldn't meet her eyes when the woman looked at her pleadingly. She had opted not to speak at all either. She would defend this decision in front of Hestia, in front of any god. But she couldn't argue with Sally, not when it meant putting her son in an insurmountable amount of danger, not when she was slowly starting to realize the horror of what she'd done. "Even for you."
"Mom, I know. I could die. Nico explained that. But if we don't try —"
"We'll all die," Nico finished. "Ms. Jackson, we don't stand a chance against an invasion. And there will be an invasion."
"An invasion of New York?" Paul said, still trying to wrap his head around everything Greek-related. "Is that even possible? How could we not see the ... the monsters?"
"I don't know," Percy admitted. "I don't see how Kronos could just march into Manhattan, but the Mist is strong. Typhon is trampling across the country right now, and mortals think he's a storm system."
"Ms. Jackson," Nico said, "Percy needs your blessing. The process has to start that way. I wasn't sure until we met Luke's mom, but now I'm positive. This has only been done successfully twice before. Both times, the mother had to give her blessing. She had to be willing to let her son take the risk."
"You want me to bless this?" She shook her head. "It's crazy. Percy, please —"
Judith wanted to stand up and get out of the room before she broke down. How could she have ever asked this of him? What kind of girlfriend — friend, person — asked such a burden on anyone? She was always saying he had enough on his plate, and now she was asking this? And he had agreed? Had she really been so manipulative? He was risking his life prematurely and she had forced him into it to fuel her need for war —
No, to save him. You did this to save him.
The pinky on her left hand that Percy had been holding tried to twitch out of his grip. She needed to itch at her arm guards, needed to twist them around, they were too tight. But he wouldn't let go.
"Mom, I can't do it without you."
"And if you survive this ... this process?"
"Then I go to war," Percy said with a cut-and-dry tone. "Me against Kronos. And only one of us will survive."
Judith finally snatched her hand away and he briefly looked at her, wondering why she was breathing so heavy and going back to her old habits. Instead of trying to reach for her hand again as it fiddled with her arm straps, he just rested his hand against the side of her knee on the couch. It did absolutely nothing to calm her mind, it only made her feel worse to know that he trusted her so much, still wanted to be near her. He would allow himself to do something so insane just because she had begged him. And now he was comforting her.
"You're my son," she said miserably. "I can't just ... "
In that moment, Judith couldn't help but be reminded of May Castellan. That heartbroken woman, waiting for a son that would never come home. Falsely hoping for some type of miracle that her son would return to her with the same blue eyes that she remembered. That woman could very well end up being Sally Jackson, discovering her son — her only child — was never coming back. And they were asking for her blessing to do this — this horrible thing.
Paul Blofis looked at the teenagers for a long moment before turning to the woman. "Sally." He put his hand over Ms. Jackson's hands as they shook in her lap. "I can't claim to know what you and Percy have been going through all these years. But it sounds to me ... it sounds like Percy is doing something noble. I wish I had that much courage."
Judith's breath left her. Courageous ( stupid, idiotic hero: same difference ).
Ms. Jackson stared at her pink raspberry lemonade that was tinted blue for her son. Judith screamed at her in her head — say no! All you have to do is say no, and then we'll find another way to keep Percy safe. But as Sally Jackson looked up into her eyes for the first time that day, her pleading gaze must have been interpreted the wrong way, for she said:
"Percy, I give you my blessing."
And Judith's world fell apart.
But it was done, and the girl could do nothing but accept the path she'd created. She'd pushed Percy off the deep end with a cinder block tied to his ankle. She'd condemned him to one singular choice, had coerced him to do the one thing that could save him, but also very well kill him before his time.
"Percy," his mom said. "One last thing. If you ... if you survive this fight with Kronos, send me a sign." She rummaged through her purse and handed over her cell phone.
Judith tried not to think about how she said 'if' and not 'when.' She tried not to think a lot of things, like how much she hated herself in that moment.
"Mom," Percy said, "you know demigods and phones —"
"I know," she sighed. "But just in case. If you're not able to call ... maybe a sign that I could see from anywhere in Manhattan. To let me know you're okay."
"Like Theseus," Paul suggested. "He was supposed to raise white sails when he came home to Athens."
Judith's breath hitched as the morbid mythological fact popped out of her mouth. "Supposed to raise the white one, but accidentally raised the black one and made his father jump off a cliff in despair. Great idea, really."
Percy's hand moved from next to her knee to her elbow, finding it easier to convey his growing concern for her there. He hadn't seen her so worked up over anything.
"What about a flag or a flare?" Ms. Jackson suggested. "From Olympus — the Empire State Building."
"Something blue," Percy agreed.
"Yes, I'll watch for a blue signal," she said. She looked at Judith next. "And I'll try to avoid jumping off any cliffs."
Judith didn't have it in her to even try and smile at the woman, not while knowing she might be the cause for her son's untimely demise. Even as they were leaving, Judith couldn't hug the woman back as she was enveloped. The whole time, she had expected Percy to mention that it had been her and Nico's idea to do this in the first place, but he'd kept that piece of information to himself. If he had ... she couldn't even imagine the betrayal Sally Jackson would have felt towards her.
Before they hopped onto Mrs. O'Leary's back to shadow travel out, Percy caught hold of Judith's wrist and looked at Nico. "Just one second, I'm going to grab something from my room before we go."
The son of Hades just waved them off. Judith tried to resist as he pulled her down the hallway and into his room. And she protested when he closed the door, claiming his mother had said a while ago that they had to keep the door open.
"What was that?" He accused, grabbing at her hands to stop them from clawing at her arms. "What's going on?"
"I think we made a mistake," she admitted honestly, her head pounding.
"A mistake? About what?" Percy's eyes were searching hers for what she could possibly be talking about. "Why are you being so shifty?"
"Percy, we just asked your mother for a blessing. We just asked her if she would allow us to do something that could kill you. I'm really not feeling all that great right now." She stepped backwards and plopped onto the bed, thoughts reeling as everything was suddenly laid out in front of her.
If only she had realized earlier, then they wouldn't be in this mess. Then they could have found some other way to defeat Kronos that wouldn't put Percy in harm's way.
He stepped forward to stand in front of her, looking down with uncertain eyes. "I thought we both agreed that I would be able to handle this? You said you had faith in me, remember?"
"I do remember, and I do have faith in you. But what is my hope against an ancient curse? What is Nico's hope against an ancient curse? One that very few have attempted and even fewer have survived? Percy, your mom would be heartbroken, I would — " she cut herself off in favor of a short breathing exercise. Something was welling up in her chest and she was forcing it down with everything she had. "I don't know what I'd do if you didn't survive it, knowing I was the one who spent forever persuading you to agree."
Percy couldn't understand her. He couldn't understand most people, but Judith most of all. His hands found their way to each side of her jaw and neck and he leaned down to look her straight in the eye. "Going off of this whole prophecy thing ... it kind of seems like I'm dying now, or I'm dying later, so I don't see why —"
Judith fumed and groaned in indignation as she threw his hands away from her face by his wrists. She stood up and started pacing the small length of the room. "I can't believe you!"
The boy stared at her incredulously before throwing his hands in the air. "We're going in circles here, Judith! We've been going in circles for the past few months! And now I've finally made a choice — one you were rooting for, by the way — and now you're deciding it's too dangerous. I don't understand!"
Judith wanted to rip her hair out. Wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. Because she didn't understand either. She wanted this, she wanted this because it was the only way. Because if they didn't go through with this and Percy died in the end anyway, there would always be a what-if hanging over her head. So why couldn't she just accept this and move on?!
Because she was scared. She was so scared.
Instead of saying anything, she just paced right into his chest and stood there, head rested against his shoulder and arms crossed against her chest and his. He didn't say anything as she just let his arms fold around her.
"I don't want you to die," she whispered into his shirt.
Percy didn't immediately answer, knowing that anything he said would probably make the situation worse. "I know. I don't really want to die either." The joke did little to clear the air and he waited another moment, his hands rubbing her arms comfortingly. "Judith, I made this decision on my own. Maybe you nudged me along, but it was my choice in the end. I don't regret this choice. You shouldn't hold it over your head."
Judith nodded against his shoulder, but didn't move away. She would agree with him up until he died by her hand. If that happened, there would be nothing stopping her from blaming herself.
"And I need to say something else without you blowing up. Just ... hear me out before you say anything." Her silence gave him the go-ahead and he held her tighter. "If or when I die," he felt her stiffen, but she stayed quiet, "I need to know that I've done everything I possibly can to help this war. And in order to do that, this has to be the next step. And if the worst comes to worst, you should know that —"
Nico's voice traveled through the door, "Guys, we're losing daylight here."
Judith stepped back and looked at Percy to see if he would continue what he was going to say. But he only shook his head, mouthing, 'Another time.'
Judith wasn't sure whether they would really get another time.
Though, the kiss he left on her cheek filled her with some sort of hope that maybe they would. Maybe they'd be granted some mercy. Maybe the fates would take pity on them just this once and give them time.
NOTES;
SO THIS WAS SHORT .... SHORTER THAN MY OTHER CHAPTERS AT LEAST. BUT IT HAD TO BE
IT WAS A TIPPING POINT FOR JUDITH. JUDITH WOULD FIGHT ANYBODY BUT SALLY JACKSON ON THE FATE OF HER SON. SHE HAS A SOFT SPOT FOR HER MOTHER AND THEY HAD JUST CONE FROM MAY CASTELLAN — A BROKEN MOTHER. THERE WAS NO WAY SHE WAS GOING TO ARGUE HER POINT
AND JUDITH HAS ALWAYS BEEN A LITTLE SENSITIVE WITH THE TOPIC OF DEATH. SHE'S LOST A LOT OF CLOSE COMRADES IN THIS WAR ALREADY AND SHE'S NOT READY TO LOSE PERCY TO ANYTHING. I HOPE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND HER CONFLICTED MIND.
BY THE WAY, NEXT CHAPTER IS SUPPOSED TO BE GROVER AND MORPHEUS AND STUFF, BUT I MIGHT JUST SUMMARIZE THAT POINT, BC AT THIS RATE, THIS BOOK WOULD HAVE LIKE SIXTY CHAPTERS. I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND