a/n:
hiiiii sorry no smut lol next chapter i promise!
this chapter is def more focused on inner turmoil/setting up for character development lol i hope you like it because i rly enjoy writing imperfect characters! comment and vote as always if you like this!
** = where i pictured the gif fitting in lol just to add a visual!
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"You can't stay in there forever, Y/N," Spencer's voice echoes through the door, partially muffled by the running water. Upon reading the note from Hotch, you had decided that the mature, rational response was to take a 30-minute shower so you didn't have to face the team, undoubtedly smug about their recent discovery.
"Honestly I'd rather use up this entire island's water supply than go out there," you call back, running your fingers through your hair for the thousandth time. From the other side of the door, you can hear Spencer chuckle, turning the knob and poking his head in. He's already dressed for the day, and your arms fly to cover your naked figure instinctively, an amused smirk playing at his lips.
"I've seen every inch of you, remember? Or did you already forget?" he teases, wiping fog off the mirror and adjusting his hair, the rapidly growing ashy locks carelessly falling from his scalp. You playfully flip him off, a grin on your face as he leans against the counter and faces you with his arms crossed. "Come on, you're a few minutes away from turning into a raisin. Let's go."
With a theatrical groan, you turn off the faucet, grinning appreciatively as Spencer holds open a towel for you. He wraps you up, hugging you from behind with a sloppy kiss on your cheek, hands shifting the terrycloth fabric to dry your arms off.
"Maybe they didn't even hear," you muse unrealistically as you walk into the bedroom, hoping if you say the words they'll become true. "Maybe he just meant when we're done watching a movie. Ooh we can say that! We were watching a movie and it had a long, spicy sex scene! They'll never know!"
"Yeah because we can definitely pull one over on trained FBI profilers," Spencer snorts and watches you amusedly as you crouch down and rifle through your suitcase, settling on a pair of denim shorts and a cropped graphic tee. "It's fine, we're stuck here for a while anyways. It's not like we have to play by the professional rules right now."
"I guess," you grumble, running the towel over your damp hair, scrunching it to get a beachy wave. Once all dressed, you kick on your flip flops and follow him toward the door, suddenly grabbing his wrist and looking up at him. "Wait. Spence, what if they ask what we are?"
"What do you mean?" he brings your hand to his face, gently kissing your wrist. "It's just two people having some fun. That's all they need to know."
"But we love each other," you say, brows starting to furrow. There's a genuine sadness in your tone - the realization that Spencer may not be emotionally capable of commitment was starting to sink in. Not that you're much better, your track record of cutting-and-running at the first sign of seriousness demonstrates that, but with the tall genius standing in front of you - things are different. "Right?"
Naturally, just as he opens his mouth to reply, a knock at the window startles you both. On the other side, Derek wiggles his brows smugly, motioning for you to come outside. Reid nods and drops your hand, not even bothering to continue his thought.
"Well well well," Penelope's voice makes you jump slightly as you walk outside, senses on edge from the anxiety you're having. You look at her with a guilty grin, feeling a bit like a toddler caught coloring on the walls. "Who would've thought? Actually, all of us assumed it would happen eventually. But nobody bet on it being this soon into the protective custody."
"I was like a week away!" Emily interjects, walking over, glass of wine already in hand. "I said 3 weeks of being here would push them together. So everyone owes me $10 when we get home. I'll take either cash or Venmo."
"You were betting on us hooking up?" Spencer asks, lips turning upward in a smirk despite the annoyance in his voice. "Was everybody in on this?"
"Yup," Rossi calls from his lounger as you all walk toward the main house. "At first I figured you guys had gotten together after we went to that bar in Georgetown, but I changed my bet to around Christmastime. I figured the holiday spirit might get you guys in the mood."
You roll your eyes, blushing at the memory of the team bonding night a couple of months ago. Spencer had been next to you in the booth, the two of you whispering to each other and giggling all night. At the time, it hadn't registered as anything more than a harmless friendship. But thinking of the way his hand brushed up against yours and his eyes focused on the way you brought the beer bottle to your lips - you should've seen this coming.
"There you guys are," Hotch exits the main house with JJ in tow, a smile on his face. You nearly laugh out loud at the extra button he left open on his polo, but manage to hold it in because it's nice to see him happy. And not pissed at you for fucking your co-worker, which would surely be the case under normal circumstances. "Sit down, we have to talk."
"Look I don't know how much you guys heard but-" you begin, only to be cut off when Hotch chuckles, shaking his head.
"It's not about that," he motions to the open lounge and you both take a seat, frowning slightly when Spencer leaves a gap between the two of you. "The agents on the case have a lead on Arlo Green. And it's a credible one. They're going to confirm further but if he's where they think he is, the plan is to arrest him on Tuesday."
"Wait seriously?" you ask, mouth agape and excitement rushing over you. The son of a bitch with a personal vendetta against you was finally gonna get what he deserves. "Where is he? How did they find him? Is he planning anything else?"
"They arrested one of his associates trying to break into Emily's apartment," JJ explains. "After an all night interrogation, he finally gave him up and said he's living in a cabin up in Vermont."
"So then, would we get to go home on Tuesday?" Spencer cuts in, voice hopeful. Your eyes shift down, suddenly daunted by the idea of returning to normal life in 5 days. It's selfish, you know. But between the bureau's policies and added responsibilities, "normal" life may not be as easy for the two of you.
"If all goes well, as early as Friday," Hotch answers. "They need to get him, interrogate him, confirm there are no active threats, and then we'll be all set. So we have at least another week here, but then hopefully can go home."
"So we have a week to party," Emily raises her glass with a laugh. Derek and Rossi both chuckle in response. "Starting...now!"
"Alright well hold on," JJ laughs, turning to face you two. You bite the inside of your lip, knowing where this was going. You love JJ and she would never intentionally hurt you, but it's no secret there's some strange, unspoken emotions lingering between her and Spencer. Not in the way that she'd ever act upon it, her love for Will and the boys is obvious, but she's curious about your relationship. Or whatever it's called when you have sex with someone and both tell the other one you love them. "First, you two have some explaining to do!"
"There's nothing to explain," Spencer shrugs uncomfortably. "Why were you guys even listening through our window, anyways? That's so messed up and-"
"Chill out, kid," Derek laughs, earning an eye-roll from the younger man. "When Garcia and Emily came to get you two for the update, they just happened to hear stuff. It's not like we were all sitting out there catching the show."
Phew. At least Hotch and Rossi didn't hear your morning frock... you'd never be able to show your face again.
"Did we stay and listen for longer than we should have? We sure did," the dark haired woman says bluntly, sipping her heavily poured glass of chardonnay. You can feel Spencer's coffee colored eyes on you** before he shifts them to look down at the ground uncomfortably, eventually settling back on Emily as she continues speaking. "Definitely heard some things we weren't supposed to. And for that we can only apologize. And say well done to the both of you."
"Jesus Christ," you reply with a small chuckle, shaking your head. Spencer doesn't say anything, clearly replaying the events of this morning to see what they may have heard. It's hard to be upset with your two friends, especially in a scenario where there's literally nothing to do. Any ounce of gossip or excitement is going to attract them like moths to a flame. So, you choose to laugh it off. "You're both perverts!"
"If we were in Quantico I'd tell you to knock it off or meet with HR right away," Hotch notes, and you glance over at Spencer, his fingers laced together and foot tapping violently. Your generally serious boss smiles and lets out a small laugh, pulling his sunglasses off his face rather theatrically. "But we're on island time, so enjoy yourselves for now! Figure the rest out later"
Furrowing your brows, you look at your boss curiously, feeling as if you had just been transported to an alternate universe or something. Not that you're complaining, you think to yourself - looking over at Spencer who's deep in conversation with JJ.
"Are you guys like, a couple?" the blonde asks curiously, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. Her gaze is focused on Spencer's, and you try to read their body language unsuccessfully. He swallows hard, shifting slightly in his seat.
"No," he answers simply, not even bothering to look your way. "We aren't."
A punch in the gut would be a more pleasant experience, you think to yourself as you feel your heart drop in what feels like the literal sense. There was no hesitation in his answer, not an ounce of emotion or passion. A simple, straightforward rejection of the notion that you two were involved in more than just a physical way.
Maybe that's all it is to him, you can't help but think. Maybe he said he loved you out of pity or obligation.... No, you brush off the thought. That's not something Spencer would do.
The blonde agent turns her attention to you, a knowing smile on her face. She's just curious about the relationship between her two friends, you tell yourself. She's married with two kids, there's no way she wants Spencer, the voice in your head repeats. Their conversation continues, switching topics as you tune out their voices, a million thoughts running through your mind.
"I'll be right back," you cut in, finally earning a quick glance from Spencer. He doesn't say anything, simply looking at you before returning to his conversation. You mumble under your breath as you walk away. "Alright, cool"
Out of the corner of your eye, you see Derek looking at you sympathetically before calling your name and summoning you to the outdoor dining table. You thank him with a smile and sit down, helping yourself to an apple from the bowl in the middle of the table.
"Why the long face, sweetness?" the charming man asks, leaning back in his chair. "Shouldn't you be happy? We can go back to normal life soon. Get back out there and catch the bad guys."
"Yeah super exciting," you grumble, making minimal effort to appear peppy as you toy with the stem of the red fruit. Derek looks at you, his eyes doing the talking, knowing if he pries too much there's a chance you'll throw the apple directly at his head. Sighing, you lean in closer and bring your voice just above a whisper. "Has Spencer ever, uh, talked about me to you? Like about his feelings?"
"No," the man replies truthfully, making you pout. "When you started with the team he said you were great, and he agreed with me that you're hot, but that's about it. Why?"
"I dunno," you think out loud, the answer an honest one because you don't know what you expected out of the question. "I guess I just don't know where we stand right now. He told me he loves me, but just got very defensive when JJ asked if we're a couple. Like immediately shut it down. So he probably didn't mean it,"
"Whoa whoa whoa back it up," the man cuts in. "He said he loves you? Did you say it back?"
"Well, yeah," you shrug. "And I do. I know that I do. But he just immediately shut down the very idea that our relationship is more than physical, so I don't know what to think."
"Want my take on it?" he asks earnestly, making you a plate of the food spread across the table. You smile appreciatively at the gesture when he hands you the eggs, bacon and assorted mini pastries, knowing you often forget to eat when you're sad or stressed. You nod. "I've known the kid for a long time now, almost 10 years. He isn't huge on expressing his emotions."
"I know but-"
"But I can tell there's something about you that keeps him engaged," Derek cuts you off. "I assumed it was an adolescent crush or something, the way he would stare at you during briefings and make sure he was standing in the right place to get put in the same SUV with you. He doesn't show it well, because that's just who he is, but if he said he loves you I wouldn't doubt it for a second."
Twisting your lips, you shrug as Morgan's words settle in your mind. Since day 1 at the BAU, you had always struggled to understand Spencer. He's complex, multilayered - something proved further when he traded his sweet, reserved persona for someone who pins you against walls and makes you cum until your legs shake.
But his complexity doesn't mean he can treat you like an afterthought. You think of the speed at which he shut down JJ's question, the steel sword entering through your heart yet again.
"Oooh what's for breakfast," the voice behind you makes you jump a little. Well if it isn't the wielder of that very sword. The knight in shining armor who had somehow gotten through all of your walls and stolen your beating heart. He reaches over your shoulder, grabbing an untouched mini muffin from your plate, wincing when you reactively slap his hand away. "I just wanted to try a bite!"
"Get your own, there's a full tray," you grumble, annoyed. Sure, it's not the most mature way to handle things, and it feels as though your brain is mush, failing to filter your feelings from the words spilling from your lips. And you can't seem to stop it. "It's not like we're a couple or anything."
You freeze as the words come out, laced with resentment and pain that only love could create. Across the table, Morgan inhales uncomfortably, standing up slowly and heading over to the pool, away from whatever shit storm was brewing.
"Are you kidding me?" he asks, and although you're avoiding turning to face him, you can tell by his voice that his jaw is clenched and his eyebrows are raised. You say nothing in return, nibbling away at your toast in spite of already being full. He huffs, sitting in the chair next to you and pushing your plate away. "Y/N, look at me."
Your eyes flutter down, body tensing when he grabs your hands, leaning forward to meet your line of sight. He brings a hand to your cheek, caressing the slightly sunburnt skin softly before placing a kiss on your lips, seemingly not caring that the entire team is just 15 feet away. You relax against his mouth, not kissing back as eagerly as you normally would have but also showing firsthand what his touch does to you. Melts all of your sensibilities.
"I love you," he says, forehead against yours. "I'm serious about that, okay? And we don't need labels to prove that to each other. So please just talk to me and tell me why you're so mad that I said we aren't a couple."
You pause, trying to find the words that clearly explain how you're feeling. It's a million feelings at once, emphasized by the fast moving pace of your relationship - or lack thereof. A tear falls down your cheek when it hits you - his hesitance to proudly state that you're his and he is yours is what hurt. It isn't about JJ, you know that.
It's about finally being wanted by someone.
"C-can we talk about this inside?" you ask, voice small - half expecting him to say no. But he nods, taking your hand in his and leading you to the guest house. Hotch concernedly asks if you're alright, and Spencer nods, saying you guys will be out in a bit.
He brings you to his room, sitting on the bed and patting the spot next to him. You hesitate for a moment, finally sitting cross-legged facing his frowning face.
"I'm not a mindreader, you know," he says, trying to mask his annoyance. Not that you blame him for being irritated, everything you're feeling is irrational and juvenile. But it's part of your heart. Struggling to find your voice, you nod and wrap your arms around his waist, hugging him tightly.
"The way you told JJ we aren't an actual couple," you begin. "Really hurt. Like I've been shot and it hurt slightly less, Spence. And then I got in my head and was convinced it's because you still love her and as I'm saying this I realize it sounds crazy but it's how I feel and-"
"It does sound crazy," he cuts you off. You look up at him, raising an eyebrow as he rubs his fingers up and down your back. A semblance of a smile appears on his lips. "It's crazy because in case you haven't noticed, you're the only person I have eyes for. I don't know how else I can prove that to you. And I know your mind has always ran in a million different directions and your heart doesn't seem like something you can trust - but you need to believe that I love you."
"I love you too," is all you can choke out as the tears flow. Spencer knows your soul better than anybody has in a long time. Maybe even ever. He kisses your forehead, shushing calmly as you bring your breathing back to normal. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," he whispers reassuringly. "I think tonight we should lay all our cards out on the table and talk about things we need to be said."
The idea makes your stomach churn with anxiety. It should be simple, you want to say. He should call you his girlfriend and that should be the end of it. But thousands of miles away from the clear blue skies of this safe haven, the dark cloud of reality hangs over your city. Paperwork, reassignment, HR check-ins, team safety concerns, and balancing professional vs private lives are just some of the things that await you back home.
Things that simply can't be ignored in the name of love. Even the greatest one you've ever had.