Preservative chemicals stained my white gloves as I wedged the scalpel deeper into the heart's gaping chambers. It was almost therapeutic—mutilating something that had once been alive, that once stimulated an entire living organism. That once beat with excitement, with fear, but now lay completely still in my hands. Victim to my will.
How could something so small cause so much pain?
I compared its stillness to the way my heart beat within me. Hollow. Broken. Betrayed. I wanted to tear it out and place it alongside the others. Maybe then, I could concentrate.
"Oh dear." Professor Locksley chuckled, reaching out to place a calm hand over my shaking arm. "The aim is to dissect the lamb heart, Miss Watson, not mash it as one would a potato."
I stepped out of my head long enough to survey my desk in the lab. Heat blossomed on my cheeks. Yeah. I'd made a mess. A few of the other students in the classroom turned to get a good look as well, making little effort to hide their sneers. Almost as though they'd expected me to screw up.
I was used to people underestimating me. They had my whole life. But normally I'd exceed those expectations. I was usually so careful, so precise. How had I let myself get so distracted?
I ducked my head, moving off the bench to grab some paper towels. "I'm so sorry."
My professor threw me a knowing wink. "It happens to the best of us. The mind can carry us to odd places. The trick is not to linger there for too long, lest we forget to return."
My very own Dumbledore, perhaps. I sponged up the slimy residue on my bench, apologizing again as I dumped it into the trash. "Really, it won't happen again."
Professor Locksley nodded simply. "I'm sure, Madison." And from the gleam in his kind gaze, I had a feeling he believed me.
I just wished I could believe it, too.
I trudged to the basin at the end of class, queuing up to rid my hands of the foul smell that had tarnished them. My peers laughed and joked around me, but I felt so far from them. From anything light and fun and golden. My world was just ... gray.
I'd been at college for two weeks, but I was yet to feel at home within the place's impressive buildings and sprawling gardens. It was already easy enough to feel like an outsider in a place as prestigious as Camden, where the classrooms and halls had been graced by politicians, celebrities, and entrepreneurs alike. It certainly didn't help that, in the state I was in, and with the way my life had unraveled like thread from a spool, I didn't want to socialize. I didn't want to meet new people. It was like a flurry of rain clouds had settled over my head, like the blood in my veins had chilled into solid ice. But instead of feeling cold, I felt eerily numb. I was tired. And alone. And I didn't want to move back into the sun; I wanted to wallow in the dark for a while.
Or maybe forever. Theatrics was my specialty.
I gathered my stationery and books, walking out into the crowded corridor and heading back through the quad to my dorm. I had one class later in the afternoon and a bunch of readings to get through, but my entire body was aching for a nap.
After leaving my hometown for college, managing to get a full night's sleep was already shaping up to be a challenge. It was only exacerbated by my living situation; I was staying in one of the on-campus dorms, and to my sheer horror, I'd been assigned a dorm mate who had absolutely no concept of personal space. Almost every morning, at around one AM, she snuck her boyfriend into our room for a bit of ... alone time. Except, of course, they weren't alone.
Not that they seemed to mind as much as I did.
Needless to say, those two hours between biology and Intro to Argumentation had become my saving grace. Truly, it was the only thing keeping those looming dark circles under my eyes at bay.
I cut through the morning frost, rounding back to my dorm as quickly as I could given the sea of students flooding the quad. My building loomed overhead, the solid white bricks adorned with emerald ivy offsetting the dull gray of the overcast sky. It was enormous, its high ceilings and cream walls forever bursting with noise and activity. The kind of activity that I once would have relished, but that now only added to the throbbing pain at the front of my skull.
I wedged myself between my dorm mates and peers, grimacing as I locked shoulders with an unsuspecting passer-by. An apology was on the tip of my tongue, but when I turned to spit it out, my jaw seemed to lock shut.
Eyes the color of ravens scorched mine like fire, narrowed like slits drawn with the blade of a knife. They were framed by dark liner and paired with an even darker mouth, magenta lips curled in something caught between a scowl and smirk.
I recognized the girl instantly from one of my classes. We weren't friends (by any means), but I did find her fascinating. She was older, she was self-assured. She was clearly a captivating presence and a thunderous force. But it was the air she carried herself with that stirred my interest the most. Maybe it even stirred my jealousy. It was like she had a giant sign on her head—don't talk to me—that kept everyone away. I knew without question that no one would ever mess with her.
I couldn't at all say the same thing for myself.
"Sorry," I managed to utter. It sounded less like an apology and more like a plea, like I truly believed the outlandish rumors about the bloodcurdling ways in which Camden upperclassmen welcomed their younger peers to campus.
Her searing gaze snaked up my frame. But she didn't address me. Didn't accept my apology or offer one of her own. She turned on the heel of her polished black combat boots, rolling her eyes at the other seniors in her huddle.
She scoffed. "Jaffy."
Her friends cackled like a pack of doting hyenas. I fought the urge to rip them a new one; making enemies in my second week of university absolutely did not complement my strategy of flying under the radar. Instead, I channeled the adrenaline coursing through my bloodstream, lifting my feet from the force anchoring them to the floor and slipping past the herd to continue my lonely march.
Despite the unnerving social encounter and the anxiety it stirred, part of me wanted to be out in that hall. Hell—maybe that same part of me wouldn't have minded biting back at that senior, wouldn't have minded releasing the heartache and anger clambering inside of me into the fight that would inevitably come. But another part of me—dejected and confused—simply didn't have the energy. What was the point? Everyone hurts you in the end. Even perfect strangers. Even best friends.
"Madi?"
I paused mid-step, hovering in place as I stared ahead at my dorm door. It sang out to me like a siren in the sea, teasing me with the promise of blissful, numbing sleep. But I found myself intrigued by the mystery of what waited for me behind.
Because only three people on the planet called me Madi. One was my father, the other my older sister. Neither of them had any reason to be on campus—let alone in the country.
There was only one other person it could be. My hollow heart started beating again, the memory of breakage piercing my chest as I swiveled back around.
Please don't be him.
"Hey, Madi!" the caller greeted once more, waving his hands in the air to grab my attention over the mass of students between us.
My eyes met his, and relief rippled through my body like a wave.
It wasn't him. Thank the Lord, the Fates, thank the old gods and the new.
But who the hell was it?
"Hi." My lips were stretched into a forced smile as I took a step towards the caller, my blue eyes probably an inch too wide given that I was trying not to be awkward. But running into someone who clearly knew me, but who I didn't recognize at all?
Yeah, awkward.
"I didn't know you went to Camden," the boy exclaimed. He seemed to be about my age, boasting a head of neat black curls and a toothy grin. He was wearing one of the school's letterman jackets, his broad shoulders clothed in striking black and blue.
I tried to soften my frown. "I just started."
His smile, which already took up about half of his face, widened. "Me, too."
I nodded thoughtfully, praying for a miracle. For some small clue that would remind me of how I knew the beaming boy in front of me. Though boy was a horrible understatement, what with his tall, toned body and the muscles straining against the tracksuit that offset his brown skin. A college athlete? One who apparently knew me well enough to refer to me by my seldom-used nickname, but who I didn't recognize at all.
Clearly, though, I was no master of deception.
"You don't remember me." His tone was lower, but his smile was just as bright.
"I don't," I admitted. There was no point lying to him. Lying only served to make him feel less awkward. Besides, after only two hours of sleep the night before and an eight AM lecture that morning, my bed was calling me. And I was far too weak to ignore it.
"I'm Noah," the boy announced, pointing to himself with his thumb. "I played baseball with Elijah in high school."
My blood turned cold. Athlete, indeed. And ...
No. My mind was not going there. It would wander to Eli soon enough, anyway. At least it explained why Noah called me 'Madi'. It also explained why I had no idea who he was. There was only one person I ever paid attention to at Eli's games. Eli.
"Is he at Camden, too?"
I shifted my weight between my feet, shaking my head from side to side. "No."
"Oh. How is he?"
"Good."
Noah mustn't have known Eli that well. If he did, we wouldn't have been having that conversation.
I had to remind myself that he was just being friendly. Making small talk. Even so, it didn't make the topic of our conversation any easier to think about.
"It was nice seeing you," I said, motioning to my heavy textbooks as I thought up a convincing lie to get away. "I only have half an hour until my next class, so I better get going—"
"Actually ..." Noah trailed off, sparing a glance behind him as he grinned to himself again. Grinning was a personality trait of his, it seemed.
I couldn't relate.
His gentle gaze scanned mine, and it was clear that he was mulling something over in his head. Finally, he motioned behind him. "Do you mind helping me with something?"
I lifted an eyebrow skeptically. I did mind. Very much. "With what?"
"Just a question. Since, you know, you're a girl."
A puff of air escaped my lips as I gave into an amused scoff, the ground-breaking accuracy of his observation awakening the smartass within me. "One point for Gryffindor."
"Actually," he said, smirking, "I'm a Hufflepuff."
I cocked my head, evaluating him a little more closely. Matching tracksuit. A Pikachu-yellow scarf. Wide, brown eyes that glimmered with kindness—and mischief. "You're right. Definitely a Hufflepuff."
Noah laughed again, taking my approval as acquiescence. He nodded his head back to one of the dorm doorways as he retreated, motioning for me to follow.
And, for the sake of civility, I really had no choice but to comply.
As I approached the door to what I assumed was Noah's room, I noticed that two other guys had been watching our exchange from the entrance. One was tall, with thick tufts of hair—a neat, golden crown—and a jawline so sculpted I was sure it had sliced its fair share of hearts. The other boy was shorter, a little lankier, with tousled brown locks that were almost chestnut and a nervous but kind smile.
I turned to peer at Noah, arching a brow.
Once again, he beamed, making a sweeping gesture to the amused looking blond.
"Would you date my friend?"
Hi guys!
I just wanted to say a huge THANK YOU for giving my latest Wattpad project a chance! Whether you binge the whole thing or just check out a chapter or two, I'm so grateful that you decided to give my story a go.
I'm testing the waters with this one; seeing how much interest there is before I commit to uploading the whole thing. Most of the chapters are already written and ready to go, so let me know if you want updates and I'll happily oblige!
Question: Have you ever had an awkward run-in with someone you didn't remember?
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Thanks again for reading, and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.
With love,
Danielle