The nameplate is black, with white lettering. It's supposed to look nice and neat, but the paint is chipping and the letters are beginning to fade. For such a prestigious elementary school, it's a wonder why they won't look into getting nicer nameplates. Odd.
Principal Lawrence.
His first name is Matthew, and Richie thinks that he'll just refer to him as that from now on. 'Principal Lawrence' just sounds so old, and this man definitely isn't that old. If anything, Richie will be doing him a favor.
"So. Mr. Tozier," Matthew begins.
"Matthew," Richie replies. "Just Richie is fine with me, by the way. You know, I think we're definitely on that first name basis. I think we have a pretty solid relationship, don't you think?"
This is job interview number three in one day. Richie is in a suit and tie, a very rare outfit. He wants to stuff his hands in his pockets like he does with every single other outfit he puts together, but he knows that won't look exactly professional so he leaves his fingers carded together in his lap. Politely.
Matthew simply stares at him for a few moments, probably wondering if Richie is joking, but when Richie doesn't even crack a humorous grin, he lets out an awkward chuckle and rubs the back of his neck.
"Yes. Yes, of course. Well. Richie. Thank you for traveling out here for this interview. I know a Saturday isn't the most ideal day for an interview at an elementary school, so I appreciate your dedication," Matthew says.
There's an edge in his voice, though. Richie already knows where this is going.
"I have to say, your application is very impressive. You also come highly recommended from your college professors," Matthew says as he leans back in his chair and gives him that look. The look that Richie has already seen twice today, in his previous interviews.
He knows this interview has pretty much gone to shit, just like the others. He knew it was going to shit, pretty much five seconds into it starting.
"But?" Richie asks.
Matthew stares him in the eye for what feels like forever, before staring at the wall behind him and sighing deeply.
"As I'm sure you're aware of, our school prides ourselves on maintaining a level of diversity and acceptance among everyone. We want to thrive and grow, and we want everyone to develop a sense of understanding and acceptance among many different lifestyles. No one is the same, and our goal here is to make sure everyone really understands just how...uh, diverse some people can be," Matthew finishes lamely.
Richie clears his throat and stares down at the floor. He knows what Matthew means. He didn't exactly make the best first impression when he first walked into the office. He's always had a bit of a big mouth, a loud mouth. And he's definitely got a sense of....vulgar humor. Very vulgar, sometimes. He should've realized that an elementary school principal wouldn't really want to hear those types of jokes.
"But?" Richie prompts again.
"We do have to maintain a certain level of professionalism," Matthew says. "While I'm sure you'd be a fantastic teacher, I'm not sure this is the school that may be the right fit for you. I'm sure you understand our dilemma."
Richie runs a hand through his wild curls, sighing slightly.
"Look," Richie reasons. "If you need the jokes to stop, they'll stop. Trust me, I'd never speak like that in front of the children. What kind of moron do you think I am? I mean, I am an idiot but not that much of an idiot," Richie jokes.
He earns no laugh in return. Matthew slides his application packet back across the desk, towards Richie.
This is about the twelfth time he's heard that type of reasoning for not getting a job this month. His personality is causing him to miss out on all these jobs. Every since he's gotten his teacher certification, he just can't seem to make amends with any school principals, which pisses him off to no end.
"I'm a teacher, Mr. Lawrence," Richie continues, seriously this time. "I've gotten my certification and everything. It's official. Please. Just give me a chance to prove that I can be a great teacher for those kids."
The shake of the head he earns in response comes as no surprise. Matthew really is hard to persuade.
"So, I guess it'll be one of those 'We'll call you' interviews?" Richie says glumly.
"I'm very sorry, Richie. There's a position out there for you somewhere. I know it. Perhaps a public school," Matthew replies. He says 'public school' with such distaste, and this makes Richie realize that he really hasn't left a good impression on this man at all.
Richie doesn't bother reminding him that public schools also wouldn't take too kindly to his personality either.
"Yeah, okay," Richie nods. He stands up and pushes his chair in.
He heads for the door, ignoring Matthew's request of a hand shake. "Nice meeting you, and all," he says.
"Best of luck to you with your job search, Mr. Tozier," Matthew says.
"Shove that luck up your ass," Richie says to himself as he exits the room.
Three steps outside and he's already cursing and reaching into his pockets for his cigarettes. He lights one as he walks to his car. By the time he reaches his vehicle, he's taking long drags and groaning loudly. He tugs his tie loose and unbuttons the jacket. What a damn waste of a nice suit.
__________________________________
By the time he's home, he's no longer pissed, but just plain exhausted. These interviews are really starting to take a toll on him mentally and physically. He's not sure when it began, but all he knows is that he just wants it to end.
He drops his bag by the door and drags his feet to the couch before dropping himself down on it. He immediately leans his head back and closes his eyes, exhaling loudly. He knows he has things he needs to be doing. He should be applying for more jobs. But he also knows that applying for jobs is what he absolutely doesn't want to be doing either, so he makes sure to not even glance in his laptop's direction, instead choosing to watch some shitty cartoons on the television.
It doesn't take him a long time at all to feel his already heavy eyelids droop all the way shut.
__________________________________
His small nap comes to an extreme halt when the bag he dropped by the door comes flying at him, and hits him in the chest with a very impressive force.
"W-what the fuck, Hanlon? I've had a shitty day. Fuck off," Richie says as he flicks him off.
Mike continues to stand over him with his arms crossed, obviously letting Richie know that he wasn't going anywhere.
"Richie, we gotta talk," Mike says as he sits down next to him on the couch.
"What part of 'I've had a shitty day' do you not understand? Do I need to repeat it, my sweet boy?"
"Richie. It's January tenth today. The wedding is in two weeks," Mike says seriously.
Richie glances at him, completely unaware of what Mike is talking about.
Oh wait. He gets it.
"You can't be serious!" Richie exclaims. "Are you serious?"
"You agreed to our deal, Richie! What am I supposed to say?"
"But that was last year! You can't hold me to that. I was young and naive back then. I don't have a job yet! How the hell am I supposed to move out?" Richie shouts.
Mike shakes his head, his mouth in a tight line.
"Look, she's moving in! I mean, maybe I can convince her to let you stay until after the honeymoon, but I'm not sure if she'd agree to that. You promised, man. I cannot start my marriage with her already getting pissed at me because you leave your dirty clothes everywhere around the apartment!"
Richie groans.
"Okay. First of all, I don't leave my dirty clothes on the floor anymore. That's all you. Is that why Valerie hates me? Because you tell her that I'm the one to leave my dirty clothes everywhere even though it's actually you?"
"Pshhh, no," Mike responds weakly. However, the guilty look in his eyes let Richie know that, yes, Mike most likely does blame Richie for all his own antics to avoid getting bitched out by his soon to be wife. "And she doesn't hate you, Richie."
"Whatever. Secondly, how the fuck am I supposed to find another place to stay when I can't even get a damn job?"
Mike gives him a sympathetic look, his eyes softening.
"Is it that bad?" Mike asks gently.
"Yeah. Apparently my great humor wouldn't roll over too well with all the parents, you know? I don't understand though. I'm fucking awesome. What's not to love?" Richie says as he gestures at himself.
Mike chuckles.
"I don't really know what to tell you," Mike shrugs. "I guess I'll talk to Valerie about it. See if I can get you another extension. At least until you get a job. But you so owe me for this. You can buy us a new....microwave or some shit to pay me back."
"You got it," Richie responds with a nod. "Now, please tell me how I can get a job."
"You could go into private child care," Mike suggests.
"Private child care?" Richie grimaces. "Oh, shit."
"You could be a cute little nanny," Mike jokes. "Actually, you'd be a manny."
Richie makes a noise of disgust.
"A nanny? No fucking way, dude. I'm not interested."
"Well, you've gotta start somewhere!"
Richie sighs, knowing his friend is right. He ponders for a few minutes before finally giving in.
"Yeah, you're right," he says quietly. "There's gotta be at least one family who can handle all this, right?"
Mike hums a noise of agreement before clapping Richie on the shoulder.
"Two weeks. I'm sure something will come up."
__________________________________
Two weeks, seven childcare agency interviews, and one crazy house party later, Richie finds himself lounging on the couch on a Saturday morning. Mike and Valerie are off loving each other somewhere on their honeymoon and Richie hates them for being so cute and in love.
He's spent way too much time since they left just watching cartoons, and eating takeout every night. He doesn't know what to do with the job search anymore. He considers retail, but that just disgusts him. Maybe he should just sell an organ. That could work.
All he's found out the past few weeks is that these childcare agencies are just as strict as actual elementary schools. They despise his personality, but he just can't help it. He is who he is. Of course, he knows how to behave around children. He would be a damn fantastic teacher. But there seems to not be a single adult who likes him. At all. I'm sorry. I'm not sure you're the type of employee we're looking for at this moment.
Richie lets out a frustrated noise. He reaches his hands up to shut his laptop, when one more job advertisement on Craigslist catches his eye.
"FED UP WITH "TRADITIONAL" NANNY CARE (LIVE-IN)"
Busy, slightly disorganized, but well intentioned, divorced single father with full custody of a five year old in desperate need of keeping our lives on track.
I'm a full time nurse, meaning I work long, long, LONG, hours. I can't do that when I've got a five year old tucked under my arm. I am looking for a live-in assistant to help me reorganize my entire life. I want you to keep my child (and me) from living off of cheerios, pop tarts, chicken nuggets, and kraft mac & cheese.
Traditional public childcare agencies have been a disaster for my daughter. Having someone take care of my little girl's creative spirit has proven to be a bit of a task. She's got lots of creativity....and energy...and a lot of independence...really, she's got a lot of curiosity, too. I need someone to help us manage our daily routines, meal prep, housekeeping, laundry, organize special events for us, remind me what day and time it is, and possibly chaperone school trips. Anything that needs to be done, really...
I know what you're thinking. I should probably just be searching for a housewife. But I tried marriage once, and that obviously didn't work out so look where I am now.
You will be making a very nice salary with me, and any additional living expenses will be covered when I choose the right candidate. (Yes, you'll have to pass a full background check with me. I'm very disorganized, but I'm not an idiot.)
Private room, shared bath, full run of our kitchen, internet access and every single television channel known to man on an unreasonably large TV. Your work hours will vary, but Sundays, most Saturdays and every night after 7:30 PM are yours to do as you wish...most of the time. Compensation will reflect any and all times that's not true.
"Huh," Richie says to himself when he's finished reading. He rereads it a couple more times, and finally makes a decision. He quickly goes back over his resume, making sure it looks okay, along with his letters of recommendation.
He opens up a new email, and titles it, "Look no further, young grasshopper."
_________________________________
The next day, he's right back on the couch, with another cup of Easy Mac in his hands. He's watching reruns of Law & Order this time, when his phone suddenly rings. He doesn't even bother checking the Caller ID before speaking.
"Richie Tozier's phone, Richie speaking," he mumbles into the speaker, still chewing on his last mouthful of Mac & Cheese.
"Richie, hello," a voice says on the other line. Richie definitely doesn't recognize the voice. It's light and friendly sounding. It sounds kind of high pitched, but not girly. Just higher. "Uh, this is 'young grasshopper' as you put it in the email. I guess I know your name now."
Oh shit, it's that live-in guy.
"Oh!" Richie says while shooting up and swallowing. "Uh, hi. I wasn't expecting to hear from you so soon....or at all, uh...grasshopper?"
The man on the other line giggles into the speaker, making Richie feel much more at ease.
"Grasshopper? You actually think my name could be grasshopper? You're crazy," the man says through his giggles. "Eddie. My name is Eddie Kaspbrak. Hi. Again. Look, I know it's Sunday and it's not the most ideal day for an interview, but do you think you could swing by my house for an informal interview?"
"Today?" Richie says dumbly, running a hand through his wild and untamed hair. He cringes when he realizes he didn't shower last night. "Um, yeah. Sure, I can do that."
"Great!" Eddie says brightly, before rattling out an address. "Say, three o'clock? My daughter should be back from my mother's by then."
"Wait," Richie cuts in. "Can you repeat that address? Sorry, you were going a little fast."
Eddie repeats himself and Richie double checks.
"So, three?"
"Three. See you then," Eddie confirms before hanging up.
________________________________
The neighborhood that Richie finds himself in a few hours later is pretty nice. He can imagine nurses and teachers living in this type of neighborhood. It's a neighborhood that screams big families. However, he realizes that he probably should've done a little background checking of his own.
He reaches a gate that's locked, and his car comes screeching to a stop. He sees a couple call boxes, one of them labeled "Kaspbrak residence." He presses the button and waits a few seconds.
"Richie? Is that you?" A voice crackles through the speaker.
"Uh, yeah. Hey, so you're not like...a crazy serial killer or anything, right? Like, I don't have to worry about coming inside and possibly being hacked to death, right?"
He immediately shuts his eyes and cringes. Why does he always let his big mouth get the best of him?
It's silent for a few moments, and Richie figures he must've already ruined the interview.
"Shit," Eddie suddenly says blandly. "You've figured out my awesome plan. I've been destroyed."
Richie chuckles.
"No, you're good. Just wanted to know what I was getting into. What's the code?"
"1632," Eddie says kindly.
Richie puts the numbers in, and a second later, the big gate slowly opens and Richie drives in.
______________________________
Eddie's house is simple and very cozy looking from the outside.
Richie reaches the front door, and rings the doorbell, waiting for a few moments.
"Hello," Eddie says as he pulls the door open. "Come on in."
The first thing Richie can even notice before anything else is how gorgeous Eddie is. He's got dark brown hair with a side parted coif, and he's dressed in a white V-neck shirt and black jeans that fit his legs just right. But his face is what really puts Richie into awe. He's got big brown eyes that are doe like, and he's got light freckles scattered around his cheeks and nose. His lips are pink and shining with what looks like some kind of gloss, and Richie finds himself not being able to pull his eyes from them for a few seconds.
Richie walks in and immediately takes in the living room. The house is nice, and it's definitely just as cozy on the inside. However, the living room is in very bad shape right now. Pizza boxes litter the room in different areas, stacks of magazines and books line up in the corner. There are toys littering the floor, and multiple takeout containers are all over the kitchen counter. Richie still has to stare in amazement at how nice the room really is, despite the obvious mess. It's big and filled with very nice furniture. The windows are big and show a great view of the backyard.
"Wow," Richie says.
"Yeah, I know," Eddie replies, assuming Richie meant the mess in the living room. "It's a total mess, I know. It's not usually this bad, but I've been having to take extra hours. Lots of people getting injured after having too much fun on New Year's, you know what I mean? Oh, you probably don't care, sorry. Anyways, my last housekeeper quit a couple weeks ago, so. You haven't run off screaming yet, so that's a good sign."
Richie smiles and shrugs.
"Well, you haven't kicked me out on the curb yet so that's a pretty fucking great sign," he replies. And once again, he's risking this job opportunity by opening his stupid mouth.
Eddie just stares at him blankly.
"Oh, um. I don't have the best luck with interviews. Lots of faculty members don't really like my....humor, I guess," Richie quietly explains.
Eddie stares for a few seconds before shrugging.
"I mean, you know how to speak in front of a child right?" Eddie asks with a grin.
Richie quickly nods.
"Okay, good. And your...'humor' won't affect your work ability?"
Richie shakes his head.
"Well, than we're good," Eddie grins.
Eddie moves towards the kitchen, so Richie follows. He's just about to sit down when he suddenly hears a sound coming from somewhere behind him. He turns and is shocked to see an actual child walk into the living room from a little hallway that leads to some more rooms.
I mean, he can't be that shocked, considering he's here for a job interview that would require him to take care of a child, but still, he's shocked nonetheless.
She's a pretty little girl, with long and wavy brown hair and small bangs that frame her face. However, her fashion choice is a whole new story. She's wearing flippers. Like, the kind you swim with. And she's wearing a bathing suit with big goggles on her eyes. However, the weirdest thing is the fact that she's holding a spatula in one hand, and a small butterfly catching net in the other.
Her steps are slow and careful, as if she practices how to walk with giant flippers on her feet daily.
"What'cha doing, Julia?" Eddie says without looking up from Richie's documents that were brought for the interview.
"I'm hunting for deep sea creatures. I'm looking for the kraken today," she says excitedly.
Richie snorts loudly and has to cover his smile behind his hand.
"Okie dokie, kiddo." Eddie says. "Just remember that whatever you find, you must toss it back. You can't keep the kraken. I doubt he's very nice," he says, playing along.
"I know!" Julia replies distractedly while heading in the same direction. She disappears into what Richie assumes is the bathroom, hearing the sound of running water a few seconds later.
"Hunting the kraken?" Richie asks with a small grin.
Eddie nods once, but doesn't look up.
"Yep," he responds. "A few weeks ago, my best friend, Bill, told her a story about the kraken to entertain her, and ever since then, she suddenly believes that the creature needs to be hunted down once and for all. It's not too terrible, though. I can at least convince her to wash her hair while she's in there. Most of the time, at least."
Eddie steps over a stack of DVD's in the middle of the floor and opens the refrigerator.
"Would you like anything to drink? We have water, and some orange juice that may have expired a month ago. I think I might also have some milk....that's on its way to looking like aging cheese," Eddie finishes as he wrinkles his nose in disgust.
"Water sounds fine to me," Richie says with a chuckle.
Eddie nods and opens a couple cabinets, slowly pulling out things that obviously shouldn't be in those cabinets. Not once does he pull out a single glass that could be used for water.
"Or no water is fine too," Richie says quietly, trying his hardest not to laugh.
"God, I'm really sorry." Eddie sighs. "I guess we should get started with this interview then, shall we?"
Richie nods.
"Sounds good, boss man."
Eddie scrunches his eyebrows together.
"Yeah, don't call me that."
Richie shrugs and nods.
"So, I should go ahead and talk about what I'm looking for," Eddie begins.
"Other than a miracle?" Richie jokes.
He worries that Eddie might not find that joke funny.
However, Eddie just raises an eyebrow hopefully.
"Will you bring that miracle?"
Richie shrugs.
"Well, my mother used to call me her little miracle when I was little. You know, before she became a crazy alcoholic and stopped addressing me as her son. Is that close enough?"
"It's a start," Eddie simply says.
_________________________________
Eddie's form of interviewing is like none other Richie has been involved in. He seems more interested in rattling off his entire life story to Richie, rather than asking any actual interview questions.
Twenty minutes into the interview, Richie learns that Eddie used to be an extreme hypochondriac, caused by his mother's overbearing personality. He eventually overcame it when he found out that his mother had been feeding him placebos the whole time, and that he actually had no sicknesses or illnesses ever. Richie also finds out that Eddie was forced to date a girl in high school, and that they basically got married right out of high school on a whim, not because they really wanted to. Another surprising fact Richie finds out is that Eddie is gay, which makes Richie feel something he can't quite place his finger on right now. Richie also finds out that they're both twenty four years old.
"So...you had a kid with a woman, even though you're...you know, gay?" Richie asks.
Eddie shakes his head.
"I've always known I wasn't like other guys. In middle school, I realized that I never had crushes on girls. And in high school, I realized that I was crushing on boys. That's when I realized that I must've been gay. But my mother would say I was sick for feeling that way. She convinced me to believe that I could be 'fixed' if I dated a girl. So I began a relationship with a girl named Myra, and next thing I know, we're married and then we had sex and had a baby. Not once did I feel anything romantic for her. I did it all, only because I thought I could satisfy my mom, and I thought that I might even be able to start liking girls or something. But anyways, our marriage quickly disintegrated and we split," Eddie explains.
"How long were you married?" Richie asks.
"Surprisingly, five years," Eddie answers. "Three years before we had Julia, and then Myra took off two years after that."
Richie winces. That must've been rough.
"I'm sorry. That must've really sucked."
Eddie gives him a grateful smile, but shrugs.
"Eh, we weren't going to last anyways. Besides, I have Julia. She's everything I could've ever wanted," Eddie explains with a soft look in his eyes.
Richie's heart lurches at the sight.
"Anyways, Myra is a decent woman. Julia knows she has a mother, but I don't think it really means much to her, considering Myra only calls to talk to her about once a week. Oh well. Enough about me. Tell me about yourself."
And that's the only direction Richie needs before he finds him rambling on and on to Eddie. He tells him about his childhood, how he didn't have many friends because he's always had a trashmouth, and how no one ever appreciated his humor, other than a few people who were still his best friends to this day. He tells Eddie how he always envisioned himself ending up in LA, becoming a famous person, his face on billboards and on every television. He sometimes envisioned himself in a band, playing guitar and singing his heart out in front of thousands of adoring fans. He tells Eddie how that dream slowly faded when he realized that he loved helping others, specifically children. Once he realized this, he went to school and got a degree in elementary education, but he's been struggling with finding a job since he received his certification.
He even starts to rant about his ex-girlfriend, who ended up cheating on him with some night club owner that Richie had seen a few times, and then promptly took off with all the money. "She was a major bitch. I mean, I guess I liked her and all, but she ended up not being so cool. Oh, by the way, I'm bisexual."
Eddie nods.
"Cool. Come on, I'll show you around," Eddie says with a smile quirking at the corner of his lips.
The house seems even bigger on the inside, and there are a lot more rooms than Richie was expecting. Finally, they reach a bedroom at the end of the hall.
"And uh, this would be your bedroom," Eddie says as he opens the door.
It's a simple room, with one guest bed and a small sofa set up at the corner. There's a 32" television on the wall, and an empty closet. Richie nods in satisfaction.
"Nice room," he says. "I'm a pretty low maintenance dude."
"Oh, okay good," Eddie replies. "Also, when I say 'your room', that's hypothetical. You know, I just started the interviewing process. So, you know, there's the possibility that..."
"I may not get the job. Got it," Richie finishes for Eddie.
Eddie leads Richie back to the room that Julia escaped into, knocking softly on the door. "How's the kraken hunt going, Jules?"
Richie grins at the cute nickname.
"Drat," she answers. "I can't find him anywhere!"
"Need some help?" Eddie asks, twisting the doorknob and slowly walking in, Richie following close behind.
"Yes, please." Julia splashes some water around.
Julia is perched on the edge of the bathtub that could easily fit three people. She turns and moves the goggles up and off her head as she smiles at Eddie. She waves her butterfly net in the air once her eyes land on Richie.
"Stop right there!" She says seriously.
Richie obliges, freezing and nodding at her.
"Richie Tozier, Cap'n," he says, playing along. He lowers down onto one knee, despite the water that's currently soaking the floor. His pants will dry. "I am a Kraken hunting extraordinaire. May I please join the expedition?"
"Extraordinaire?" Julia says shyly, not understanding the word.
Richie nods.
"Yep. I'm an expert at the job, Julia. I can help you out. We can catch that old creature once and for all!"
Julia stares for a few seconds with wide eyes, before she lowers the butterfly net.
"Okay," she says. "You may stay."
Richie gets off the ground and stands up straight again, towering over both Julia and Eddie.
They begin their 'hunt' and Julia spends most of the time splashing water at Richie and asking him where he learned how to hunt the kraken. She also asks him what kind of jelly he likes on his toast. Richie finds himself wanting to impress her more than he wants to impress Eddie.
Eddie leans against the sink with his arms crossed, and seems to be taking notes in his head to everything Julia is saying, probably so he can know what kind of jelly to buy for Julia the next time he goes shopping.
Richie finds himself wondering how much of this interview was actually proper. He also realizes that he doesn't even care, because he enjoyed himself that much.
At the end of their interview, Eddie walks him to the door and promises to contact him once he's gone over Richie's references.
Richie leaves the Kaspbrak residence, actually feeling hopeful for once.
________________________________
The bar is loud and rowdy.
Richie sips from his beer near the back, watching the band that's up on stage playing. Two of his two best friends since elementary school slide up next to him.
"Dudes," Richie says to the two of them. "This band is ass."
Stan and Ben snort at his comment.
"They're not the best. But I'm too tipsy to know what would sound great right now," Stan says with a shrug.
"I bet I would sound great up there right now," Richie says with a smirk.
Ben laughs.
"Still going on about the life of a screaming and desperate rock singer, Rich?"
Richie shakes his head.
"Nah. Performing a gig every now and then wouldn't hurt though."
"So, Mike tells me that your time of living at the apartment is coming to an end? How's the job search going?" Stan asks.
Richie shrugs.
"Eh, not good, for the most part. There is this one thing that might turn up well for me. I'm still waiting for a call back though," he says.
His friends nod.
"But, uh....until then....Ben, you've got a pretty nice couch at that house of yours," Richie begins hopefully.
Ben gives him a look.
"If it was up to me, I'd totally let you stay, but you know how Beverly is about sharing," he says with his hands up in surrender.
"Yeah," he sighs. "I love Bev, but damn, she can be such a stingy bitch sometimes," he says jokingly, causing him to receive a punch on the arm from Ben.
_________________________________
The second call from Eddie comes exactly a week after the first and, except for the one night out at the bar with Ben and Stan, the week has been an endless loop of cartoons and ham and cheese sandwiches. Eddie sounds exhausted and he barely gets a hello in before there's a loud crash in the background.
"Julia Violet Kaspbrak, what do you mean 'oops'?" Eddie shouts.
Richie can only imagine what must be happening.
"Anyways, I've finished your background check. Turns out you're not a criminal, so I think we're all good here. When can you start?"
"Got a place for me to sleep tonight?" Richie grins.
Eddie makes a grunting noise which Richie assumes is a 'yes'.
"Cool. Give me a few hours and I'll be over tonight."
Over the next couple of hours, he spends his time packing his entire life into a few duffle bags and leaves a note behind for Mike and Valerie.
Found a job and a new place. Looks like I'm officially out of your hair. I put some handcuffs in your bedroom in case you want to get freaky. I don't want any details though. I do expect to be the uncle of your first spawn. - Richie