Chapter 14:
Expectation vs. reality is something I constantly struggling with. It’s like I weave these brilliant ideas in my head and when I try to portray them in everyday life, they turn out absolutely terrible. Why is it so hard for life to go the way I want it?
For example, sleepovers. I always imagined pink. Everywhere. There would be bowls of yummy snacks, movies, and a girly pillow fight with feathers swinging like pendulums in the air. But reality is the exact opposite of that.
Cecily, Maria, and I lied down on the carpeted floor in my room, our eyes glued to the TV screen. Well, glued to Channing Tatum’s abs actually, but we were all in a trance. The three of us sat in shorts, our hair in buns, each of us shoving popcorn into our mouths. I came to the conclusion that most of the time, life isn’t as glamorous as we want it to be.
Normally, I hated sleepovers. I liked to stretch out in my bed and have the freedom to fart as much as I wanted, but I couldn’t do that with other people around. But tonight, I made an exception to spend some time with the girls. Valarie was invited, but declined rather rudely. Whatever. That bitch could suck it.
Honestly, I tried to distract myself with whatever I could: movies, attempts at working out, sleepovers. I tried to avoid Luke at all costs. Whenever he texted, I told him I couldn’t talk. Whenever he wanted to hang out, I told him I had plans. I basically had restricted myself from leaving my room. As for the reason why, I couldn’t face him after going on a date with Hayden.
Hayden was just . . . amazing. I wanted to like him how he liked me, but I couldn’t, and Luke was the reason why. It felt like I had to ask permission to see other people and there were these odd feelings that I had towards Luke. It was all extremely confusing.
“And then my grandma started twerking in the middle of the mall,” Cecily exclaimed.
I snapped back into reality. “What?” I asked appalled.
She and Maria exchanged glances. “Told you so.”
“What just happened? I hear something about your grandma twerking,” I said, shaking my head.
Cecily sighed. “I knew you weren’t listening! I had to get your attention some way.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “My mind’s in other places.”
“You were thinking about Luke, weren’t you?” Maria asked.
I shook my head. “No! He’s my best friend! Why would you think that?”
Once again, the two exchanged glances and looked at me like I was stupid. “Because it’s so obvious that you do!”
“It is?” I asked, my nervousness levels rising in my bloodstream.
“Aha!” Cecily exclaimed, pointing her perfectly manicured finger at me. “So you do like him?”
I groaned. “Okay, yeah. Kind of. It’s not my fault that he turned like, ridiculously hot over the past six years. But is it that obvious?”
Maria giggled. “To us, yes. To guys, that’s a different story. They are so oblivious to what’s in front of them. They don’t know how to read clues. If it’s not right in front of them, they’ll never see it.”
Cecily nodded. “Just tone down the googly-eyes just a smidge and you’ll be good. Why are you so reluctant to reject your feelings for him?”
“Because,” I whined, “he’s my best friend. It’s weird. Plus, I just went out with Hayden this past weekend and I kind of like him too and I just don’t know how I feel about anything anymore. Actually, confused. I feel confused.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Cecily began, holding her hands up. “When were you going to tell us about Hayden?”
“I assumed you already knew.”
“Well we did not! Tell us everything!” Maria insisted, pushing for more and more details about the past weekend.
I told them all about it. They awed with sparkles in their eyes, up until I told them about the whole condom thing. The two of them busted out laughing. I think I almost made Maria piss her pants.
“Only you,” Cecily said, shaking her head.
“Of course. Fate wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Maria threw her long, luscious hair into a bun. “So you feel confused because you don’t know who you like more?”
I sighed. “No, it’s not that. I like Luke more. An insane amount more. But Hayden is so sweet. That was best date I’ve ever had and he put a lot of hard work into it, but I just don’t like him as much as I want to.”
Cecily scoffed. “Well, I’ve been in a lot of relationships. Like, a lot a lot.”
“We all know that,” Maria snickered.
Cecily rolled her eyes and continued. “Anyways, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it is that you should not force a connection. If there’s no spark, there’s no spark. There is no use in trying to ignite something that won’t. If you really like someone, the fire will just blow up in your face and you’ll know that you’re crazy about that person. The sparks will come naturally.”
Maria and I exchanged glances. “Is there anyone in particular that you are thinking about?”
“No,” Cecily said shaking her head, a small smile creeping upon her face. “I was just thinking about the past relationships I’ve had. A few of them were really good but I let that fire die. After being in so many relationships, you get kind of lonely.”
“But you have Dylan,” Maria commented.
“Yeah. I do.”
I began to feel really shitty about myself. One part of me wanted to embrace the fire but the logical part of me wouldn’t. It was too much for my mind to handle.
“Can we like, stop talking about boys? I mean, I know they’re hot and all, but this conversation got really depressing and it’s making me hate my life.”
“I agree,” Maria said. “How about another Netflix marathon?”
I grinned. "I'll go get more popcorn."
***
It was autumn and I was walking down Michigan Avenue. The leaves were scraping against the pavement and crunched as I walked on them. The wind hit hard, the perfect type of weather for scarfs and boots.
My earphones were plugged into my phone and I was jamming to some Young the Giant song as I walked. But something was off. The city was frozen. There were no cars, no people. It was just the wind and me.
I heard a girlish scream from behind me. When I turned around, I saw a younger version of Luke and myself. He was chasing me around and we were both laughing. The two bolted past me and disappeared into the crisp autumn air.
When I looked across the other side of the street, I saw Sanibel. It was so ironic to be in cold Chicago when a summer paradise was just across the street. Modern-day Luke was at our pier, waiting. But I made no attempt to move. I watched him as he watched the world. When I finally did decide to cross the street to be with him, a feminine figure emerged from the shadows. She walked up to Luke and the two of them kissed. Not a friendly kiss. A deep, passionate, butterflies-in-your-stomach type of kiss. I couldn’t see her face, but I hated her. The real question was why.
Envy boiled in the pit of my stomach as I watched them but all of a sudden, steel walls came out of nowhere are cut me off from the city. I was in a steel cube, every corner and wall bolted shut.
Panicking, I banged on the walls. “Let me out!”
I was kind of claustrophobic, so the levels of cortisol were rapidly rising in my system.
“Help! Let me out!” I cried, a few tears streaming down my face. “Somebody, help,” I whimpered, slouching against the wall to the ground.
Just when hope was lost, the door creaked open. There was a bright light in front of me, causing me to squint my eyes. A hand approached me, an offer to help me get up. I woke up before I could see who it was.
I bolted up off of the floor, covered in sweat. My lungs puffed in and out, trying to get as much air to them as possible. It had to be Luke in the dream. It had to be.
When I looked around me, no one was there. Maria and Cecily’s sleeping bags were, but they were nowhere to be seen. On the other hand, I smelt a faint hint of banana pancakes wafting through the air. Like the fat ass I was, I followed the scent down the stairs to the kitchen.
Maria and Cecily were sitting at the island digging into a plate of food while Aunt Julia was flipping pancakes on the stove. They were all laughing and their eyes lit up when I walked into the room.
“Good morning sleepy head!” Maria chimed, waving her fork in the air. Their exuberance was little too much for me in the morning, but I shook it off.
“Come and grab some pancakes,” Cecily gestured to the pile of breakfast next to her. “Your aunt seriously knows how to make some good food. Although, I don’t think Maria is willing to share it with you.”
Maria threw her head back. “Seriously, Mrs. Daymont. These are the freaking best pancakes I have ever had in my entire life!”
“It’s my secret ingredient,” Aunt Julia mentioned. “But I’ll never tell.”
I joined my friends at the island and dug into my breakfast. My head was still spinning from the weird dream and my stomach was churning, but I figured some food would help.
“How’d you sleep?” Cecily asked, stabbing her fork at a piece of sausage. “When I last checked on you, you were residing in a puddle of drool.”
I shot her a sarcastic smile. “Ha ha. Very funny.”
“It was quite hilarious. You should’ve seen it.”
Maria giggled. “Actually you can. I set it as my Snapchat story.”
My jaw dropped. “Oh my gosh I hate you guys! That is so mean!”
Cecily gave me a disapproving look. “Don’t get so pissy. You probably would’ve done the same if you had the chance.”
We were silent for a moment before I admitted, “You’re right. I would’ve.”
The three of us laughed. “You don’t even have it that bad. One time, Cecily got a video of my bikini top falling off in the ocean and set it as her Snapchat story,” Maria said, furrowing her eyebrows at Cecily.
“Oh my gosh. Your boobs weren’t showing in the video, were they?” I asked, suddenly being horrified of Cecily’s capabilities.
“No, they weren’t showing. Thank goodness. But still. She shows one of the single most embarrassing moments of my life to the world.” She shakes her head.
Cecily jumped into the conversation again. “I wouldn’t have posted it if your knockers were showing. That’s like, porn. I wouldn’t put you into that business. Unless you wanted to. Otherwise, I would’ve gladly helped my friend start her career.”
Maria slapped her arm. “That is so horrible! Gabby, make her stop!”
Before I could even say anything, I was out of my chair running to the bathroom. I felt my food making its way back up and thankfully, I made it to the toilet in time. It would’ve been quite a mess if I puked all over the floor.
My chest heaved up and down as all of the old food poured out of my mouth like hose. It was so disgusting. First of all, you were puking which not only smelt disgusting, but also tasted absolutely foul. On top of that, ones gets to see the vomit pour out of them.
I heard a knock on the door. “Gabby? It’s Aunt Julia. Are you okay?”
More puke flowed out of me. I moaned. “I think I ate something bad. My stomach really hurts and I can’t stop puking.”
“I think you have the stomach flu that’s going around. I’m gonna send the girls home so they don’t sick.”
I nodded, but then realized that she couldn’t see my reply. Minutes later, I heard footsteps shuffling down the stairs and making their way towards the door.
“Feel better, Gabby,” Maria said outside of the door.
“Yeah,” Cecily added. “I’ll try not to talk about porn around you anymore so you don’t puke your guts out.”
It was weird feeling, puking and laughing at the same time. At least fifteen minutes went by before I gathered the energy to pry myself from the floor and rinse out my mouth.
Aunt Julia was sitting on the loveseat reading To Kill a Mockingbird when I got out of the bathroom. She glanced up at me with worry in her eyes.
“You look horrible,” she said, placing her bookmark in the novel.
In an effort to laugh, I moved my shoulders up and down the slightest bit. “That’s exactly what one wants to hear after puking.”
Aunt Julia shook her head. “Sorry. Let’s get you upstairs and in bed.
It was quite a struggle, walking up the stairs. I didn't realize how shitty I actually felt until my quads were burning walking up one flight. Aunt Julia tucked me into my bed and brought out the comforter, despite the fact that it was 84 degress outside. She said I felt cold, although I really didn't. Then again, at that moment, I didn't know how I felt about anything.
***
I woke up covered in sweat. Again. At first, I thought I peed the bed (which absolutely disgusted me) but then I realized, ‘Oh. No. That’s just excess salt water that my body produced’.
A cup of chamomile tea and bowl of soup was on my nightstand, next to a pile of Seventeen magazines and blue bottles of nail polish. They were both cold and half empty. I must’ve devoured it, even though I had no recollection of doing so.
My senses were so off, I didn’t even realize that Aunt Julia was sitting on the corner of my bed.
“Jesus!” I yelped, my heart leaping out of my chest. “I didn’t see you there! Do you have a tendency to watch people sleep?”
Even Aunt Julia, one of the most modest people, couldn’t help but laugh at my deliriousness . . . lessness . . . delerialess . . . what?
“I just want to see how you were doing,” she claimed, pulling the wet covers away from my body. A look of disgust appeared on her face. “You should take a shower.”
I sniffed my armpits. “I was just thinking the same exact thing.”
“I’ll just call your uncle and cancel our plans for tonight. All of us were gonna go out for dinner, but you’re not feeling well. . .”
“No,” I interrupted. “You guys should still go. I don’t want you canceling your plans because I decided to catch the stomach flu. I’m actually feeling a lot better. I can walk for one. I can make myself some soup and stuff, I’ll be fine. Just . . . go out and do things that you want to do. Just because you’re the responsible adult doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun.”
Aunt Julia gave me her I-don’t-believe-you face. “For real? Coming from the girl who always asks me to make her food and fix the Wi-fi when it’s not working.”
“I feel bad for you,” I said. “I didn’t mean that to sound so offensive. It’s just I feel like a brat sometimes and I want you guys to all have fun.”
“Even if we go, there’s supposed to be a thunderstorm tonight and I would still have to look after my other two children.”
I shook my head in dismay. “Just go to a restaurant that has a jungle gym inside or something. They’ll be entertained for hours. And I’m seventeen. I'm not scared of a little thunder.
***
“This thunder is freaking me out!” I exclaimed, closing all the windows and blinds.
There was laughter in the background. “Well it’s not like we can leave right now,” Aunt Julia said over the phone. “We’re actually having a good time and it doesn’t look like this storm is going to clear for a few hours or so.”
“Alright,” I sighed, running back to the couch. “I’ll survive.”
We hung up.
“It’s just the angels bowling,” I whispered to myself, repeating the phrase my mother would say to me as a girl.
I don’t know why it was freaking me out so much. It was just an average storm with an average amount of rain and an average amount of lightening and what the hell was that noise at the door?
It was official: I was going crazy. I turned back to the TV and cuddled up in my blanket. For the past few hours, I had gone through so many chickflicks: She’s All That, Never Been Kissed, When Harry Met Sally. Yeah. It was one of those kinds of nights.
A loud knock pounded on the door. I jumped in my seat. All worst-case scenarios fumbled around in my head. It’s not a serial killer, it’s not a serial killer I thought as I approached the door. I looked outside the window to see who it was, but there was too much rain to make out a shape of any kind. I took a deep breath and swung the door open to find a soaking wet Luke, who pushed past me and entered the house.
“Um, okay. Sure thing. You can come in and drip water all over the floor,” I said, locking the door behind me.
He shook his hair like a dog. I have to admit: I found it oddly attractive. “I knocked like a thousand times before you opened the door! What the hell, are you deaf?”
“Sorry, I thought it was the rain hitting the door, not you. What are you doing here anyways? If you haven’t noticed, there is a thunderstorm going on outside,” I ranted, grabbing two towels from the linen closet in the bathroom. I threw one at Luke and used the other to clean up his puddles.
“I heard you were sick and came over to cheer you up. Pardon me for trying to be a good friend, Jesus,” he claimed, running the towel over his body.
I glared at him. Only he would end up making me feel bad in an attempt to make me feel good when I was sick. “Your shirt is soaked. I’m so sorry I didn’t open the door.” I couldn’t help but laugh.
“It’s okay.” He shrugged. “I’ll just air dry.” Luke then proceeded to taking off his shirt, revealing his marbled chest. I should let him stand out in the rain more often.
To avoid the risk of him seeing me drool, I grabbed his wet shirt and said, “I’ll throw this in the dryer for you. I’m gonna see if I can find a shirt for you to wear.”
After throwing the shirt in the dryer, I rummaged through my uncle’s closet to find something for Luke to wear. There was a box on the floor and my heart melted when I opened it. It was a box of my dad’s old clothes and on the very top, his Florida State sweatshirt that he always wore. As creepy as it was, I picked it up and smelt it. It still smelt like him and I could feel my throat closing. That was a sign for me to grab my uncle’s t-shirt and head back downstairs to attend to my shirtless best friend.
“Here,” I said, handing it to Luke. I didn’t want him to see the lust or the nostalgia in my eyes. I sat back down on the couch and cuddled up in my blanket.
Luke plopped right down next to me and handed me a blue box. “I brought these for you. They shouldn’t be that wet.”
My eyes glazed over towards the box of Oreos. Every nerve ending in my body electrified as I took in the sight of my one true love.
Luke saw my eyes widen and I snatched them from him. I shoved one in my mouth and moaned. “Oh my God. Thank you so much! You really know me. This is perfect. A storm. My best friend. A movie. Oreos. God, this life is a good one.”
Luke propped his feet up on the coffee table. “So I brought over a few movies. We’ve got Silence of the Lambs, Jaws, Transformers, Across the Universe, and one of the Band of Brothers movies. Personally, I’m not a fan of that Beatles musical movie, but I threw it in there for you. Honest to God, your pick.”
I chuckled. “That’ s very sweet, but I’m already watching Titanic.”
He groaned in defeat and sprawled out all over the couch. “If someone doesn’t get attacked by a shark in this movie, I am so leaving.”
We were about 45 into the movie before things got weird. We silently made a bowl of popcorn and there was a strong musk of awkwardness in the air. Luke and I sat on the couch with a foot or two between us.
In the dark, I could feel his eyes on me. We totally did that thing where I look at him and then he looks away and vice versa. The romance was heating up in the movie so I felt like shriveling up into a ball and rolling away from Luke.
“Do you have something to say to me?” I asked Luke, light heartedly. Someone had to talk. The silence was so deafening.
He shook his head. “Well . . . never mind.”
“What?” I asked. He didn’t say anything. “Tell me! You can’t just begin to say something and then say never mind. That’s a form abuse to other people!”
We playfully kicked each other and laughed. “I just heard something about you the other day and I wanted to know if it was true.”
I stopped laughing. “What did you hear?”
Luke ran his fingers through his hair. “Someone told me that you went on a date with Hayden Leroy.”
“Oh,” I said. A part of me felt guilty for going out with Hayden. I felt like I was cheating on Luke, which was incredibly stupid. I was a girl with needs and I should be able to go out with whomever the hell I wanted to.
“Yeah. We did. It was nice,” was all I could say. It was nice. My goodness gracious I could be a real idiot. “Why? Does that bother you?”
He shook his head. “No, no. It just took me by surprise, that’s all. I didn’t know that you liked him . . . like that.”
I sighed, my eyes staying glued to the TV. I could feel the red rising in my cheeks. “Well sometimes, shit just happens.”
“I totally agree,” Luke said. “Life happens. And it happens fast.”
When I turned to face him, his blue eyes were staring straight at me. He could send shivers down my spine just with one single glance.
“Can you like, not be so wisely poetic every once in a while?” I asked.
He didn’t say anything and we sat in silence.
Luke was one of the people that was certain of their place in this world. They know who they are inside and out, flaws and strengths, and are fine with them. They aren’t afraid. Of anything. They know their purpose. They’ve had a taste of everything and have felt everything there is to be felt. And just for once in my stupid little life, I would like to feel that way.
Sup guys? Long time no see. Way to start off the new year with a new chapter of ISNE! I don't what Wattpad's problem is with the formatting of this chapter, but please forgive me for it. Hopefully things will get a roll on after this. These past few chapters have just been bleh but some good stuff will be happening soon, I promise! Thanks a ton for taking time to read my story and as always, have a wonderful day! <3
-Maya :)