Chapter 29. The Opposite Of Hate
I have been avoiding everyone for the past few days. Once sunlight creeps in, my modus would be to leave the room, stay near the pond, and watch as the day passed by, only returning to the quarters when night came. Van didn't ask me why I did this. She'd silently bring me food for morning, lunch, and dinner. Nobody bothered me there as well, not the other maids or the guards, and certainly not Ronaldo, though I could sometimes feel eyes on my back. Maybe it was him. Maybe not.
All those days, I haven't caught a glimpse of Talia and the other royals. I preferred it that way. To see anyone while I was in this state of mind would be chaotic, especially the princess. So there I was by the pond, wasting my life away, wishing I was someone else or that mother and father, the former king and queen didn't die. If they were alive, everything would be fine. Talia would have been mine, and the throne was my birthright. Now I was really a shell of my former self. It was pathetic.
"Hello your majesty." Van appeared from behind a tree, walking in my direction. She laid a basket on the grass, taking out a sandwich that was wrapped in foil, an apple, and a bottle of water. "Time for dinner." Her voice was cheerful, though behind those blue eyes, I could see her worry for me.
"It's a little too early for dinner Vanessa." That was my usual line to her. I was beginning to sound like a robot. And the whole thing was starting to feel like a chore. Who needs to eat when you could just look at the beautiful pond until you die?
"Nonsense your highness," Van said. Like my lines, it was also her usual reply. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be eating. "The sun is almost down. In college, my friends and I would usually eat dinner at this time." She took my hand, placing the sandwich with foil there. "Now eat. Or Van will feed you like a baby chick."
I took a bite from the sandwich. The flavors of ham, mayonnaise, and cheese exploded in my taste buds, but I might as well be eating Styrofoam because I really had no appetite. "You should go back to college Van, or whatever it was that you were doing before we met you."
"Before I met you," she sighed. "I was mourning the loss of my father and mother. I'd rather stay here with you than go back to that life. At least with you, I feel like I'm doing something for the greater good."
I stared hard at her. "Feeding me is for the greater good? You've lost your bloody mind."
"No. Serving you is for the greater good." Van frowned. "Now if only I could convince you to get out of here, then you could be happy. Heck, if you can only be contented with that Alex girl, then that would be awesome." She shook her head, scrutinizing me further with a look. "Anything is better than seeing you like this my queen. Anything."
"You will be sorely disappointed then." I hurriedly ate the sandwich, taking large bites and gulping it down after chewing thoroughly. Once I finished eating, Van would leave me alone again, and that was what I was wishing for, to be alone with my thoughts once more.
When the sandwich was gone, Vanessa stood up from the grass, taking the basket with her. She began to walk away, but before she was completely gone, she said, "If Talia is your happiness, then I suggest you take her back. I know the real Cybele would do anything for that."
"Easier said than done," I whispered, just as she vanished among the trees again.
Ten minutes later, I heard footsteps approaching. Was it Vanessa coming back to pursue the topic? I focused on the trees, looking if my guess was right. I was wrong. It was my princess, clad in a beautiful blue knee-length dress, her honey colored hair braided like its usual style. She looked stunning as always, and my heart nearly stopped beating at her presence.
Talia was as surprised as I was when she saw me sitting by the pond. It was the first time in days that we have seen each other. She looked like a mirage. The stuff of my dreams. I noticed her hesitation. It was like she wanted to turn around and go back from where she came from, but something stopped her. Talia walked briskly to me. I stood up in welcome, not knowing what to say to her.
She stopped a foot or so from me. "You look thinner," she said, frowning while checking me out. "Didn't they feed you properly? I should talk to the head maid to give you the best food."
"So you think I'm ugly now?" I gave her a look that said I was offended, though I was only kidding. "And to think I used to be a model."
Talia rolled her eyes. "Don't be silly. You're still the most gorgeous girl. You just look like you've lost weight that's all." She raised her hand, as if she wanted to reach out. She didn't. "Well you should eat more Cybele."
"We have a saying in England that goes like this." I put on my British accent. "Don't get your knickers in a twist."
Talia burst out laughing. It was the first laugh I heard from her in a while, or anyone for that matter. It made me feel warm inside. Less dead. "And what does that mean?"
I moved forward so we were only inches apart. "It means you shouldn't get worked up princess." The wind blew, bringing with it her lavender scent that I missed. To touch her would be heaven right now. I raised my hand, wishing to do so.
"Don't," she said before my hand made contact to her face. "You'll only make it harder for both of us."
"Do you not love me anymore?" I asked, my heart weakening as the seconds tick.
"I didn't say that," she murmured, locking gaze with me.
"Then why are you getting married to Lance?"
"Because it's for the best Cybele." She sounded frustrated, like the answer was right in front of me, yet I couldn't grasp it. "You're brilliant. Why can't you figure it out?" Talia turned to move away. I grabbed her arm, not allowing her to escape, moving her closer to me so we were a breath away.
"When it comes to you, my judgment becomes clouded Talia. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I have lost all sense of reason. Tell me what I can do so you won't marry anyone but me," I begged. "Please princess. . . You're all I can think of. You've ensnared me with those grey eyes and that lovely smile. Can't you see? I'm not me anymore. I'm going crazy."
I moved closer, desiring to kiss Talia, to claim her like I've always had. She turned her face away just as our lips were about to touch. "I can't," she said sadly, almost choking on her own words. "I. . . Please stay away from me Cybele. It's for you own good. Just think of me as dead." Talia struggled to release herself from my grip, but I didn't let her.
"Don't do this to me Talia," I pleaded. "I've lost everything. You're all that I have."
"Don't you understand? I don't love you anymore," she said angrily, pulling her arm away. This time, I willingly let her go, my heart beginning to bleed again. "I don't love you okay?" she repeated, trying hard not to cry herself. "Why can't you just accept that? I'm marrying Lance in a few weeks. We're going to have our own family."
"You're just saying those things so I'd hate you. But that will never happen. I'll always feel the same way I did when we were little girls."
I pointed to ground, my finger shaking. "Do you know what this place is? This is where we shared our first kiss. You may not remember it because we were young, but the taste of your lips still lingers in my mouth. How can you ask me to accept the fact that you're marrying another person?" I took a lungful of air. It still felt like I was drowning. "It should have been me exchanging vows with you."
Talia shook her head, her eyes beginning to redden. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I'll take you back someday. But not today. Today you need to stay away from me." Talia took a step towards the trees. I blocked her. "Cybele," she said in frustration. "Move."
"I won't," I said stubbornly.
"I said move!"
"Make me," I retorted.
"That's no way to talk to the princess." A palace guard appeared from behind the trees. He was probably scouting for Talia and heard the commotion in this area because nobody usually went here. The guard took a whip from his belt holder, holding it threateningly. "When the princess asks you to move, you move," he said, raising his hand.
Before I could react, the whip was already crashing down, towards my chest. Sadly, days of not eating and resting right made me weak and defenseless. I couldn't save myself. Talia felt the need to protect me, moving in my front so I wouldn't get whipped. She took the whole impact, the whip lashing on her back.
"Talia!" I screamed, helpless as she flinched in pain, still embracing me. "Why. . . Why did you do that? You said you didn't love me."
"I don't," she cried. "I don't love you at all. Even as a girl, I have always hated you." Talia tightened her grip around me. It felt like she wanted to bury her face on my chest. "I hate you the most Cybele. I've hated those green eyes that saw through me. I've hated that brilliant mind. How I wish I didn't meet you." My hands fell limp to my side. I totally didn't understand her.
A couple more footsteps sounded from the distance. A few seconds later, Alex and Lance appeared. "What happened here?" Alex asked, looking at the guard who still held the whip, and to Talia's dress which have been slightly ripped at the back. Alex immediately understood what happened. As for me, I was too numb to even move or say anything. "Lancelot. Please escort Talia back to the palace," she ordered." Lance nodded, heading to us.
Two more guards appeared. They were probably the ones with Lance and Alex. "Bring this guard to the queen," Alex said with a commanding tone. "The princess was hurt because of him. He should be punished immediately." The guards did as she said, holding the culprit securely in his arms so he couldn't get away.
Lance was already by my side. "Princess Talia, please come with me. Your back needs to be treated."
"No, I'll take care of her," I said stubbornly, unwilling to let go of Talia.
"Please Cybele. This is for you," Lance said, touching the princess shoulder.
"Let go of her or I'll break your hand." My voice was venomous and I was willing to make good on my threat. Nobody would touch my Talia again. Not if I could help it. Unfortunately, she was the first one to let go from our embrace.
"No Cybele, he's right." She stepped away from me, then went to his side. The action spoke more volumes than her words of hatred. It simply meant she was leaving me for him.
"Talia I will never forgi-" My words were cut off when Alex grabbed my arm, stirring me away from them.
"What will I do with you kid?" she muttered under her breath. "Come with me. We'll have a little fun in my room."
"But. But," I stuttered, glancing back to Talia who has begun to sob right in Lance arms, tearing me apart.
"No but's," Alex said, continuously urging me to move forward. "Don't worry because I'll make you happy for the night. You'll forget little miss puppet." I was about to say no, but when I looked back, Talia and Lance were no longer there. What was the point? He was with her now. She left me for good.
After leaving the garden, everything felt like a blur. Without even noticing it, Alex and I were already inside her room, a modest sized one with a four poster bed, a fireplace, and other furniture's. It was slightly smaller than Talia's and my old chamber, but compared to the maid's quarter, it was a palace.
"Sit," Alex instructed, pointing to the bed. When I continued staring at the space, at nothing in particular, she sighed, took my hand, and guided me to the mattress. I immediately curled like a baby, hugging myself. Alex sat beside me, stroking my back. If it was Talia who did that, I would have felt pleasure, but since it was a different woman, the action was unwelcome. Forbidden. As if I was doing something immoral and dirty.
"Don't touch me," I whispered. Her hands didn't stop the strokes.
"I said I'll make you happy didn't I my queen?"
"Are you mocking me by calling me that? Look at me Alessandra. I'm nothing now. I can't even do things right."
She traced small circles at my back with her fingers. "That's not true at all. You're still you. The difference is you're more beautiful. You are stronger. Sexier." Alex laid me on my back, straddling me.
"Tell me Alex," I said, gazing at her dark brown eyes. "Did the queen order you to do this? Did she ask you seduce me with the hopes that I'll fall in love with you and leave her daughter alone? Or perhaps you're waiting for me to sleep so you can stab me repeatedly?"
Alex smiled, revealing her white teeth. "Maybe," she said coyly. "Is it working? Are you seduced?" She trailed her hand on my face.
I rolled us over, reversing our position. Leaning down I whispered, "Why don't you find out?"
Eager to please, Alex almost ripped the clothes I was wearing from my body, until I was only in my undergarments. All the while, I felt nothing. Just numbness. Like I took a large amount of anesthesia. Moving to the left away from her, I said, "Give me a good show. Something fit for a queen."
She nodded, biting her lips as she kneeled on the bed in front of me. Locking gaze with me, Alex lifted the hem of her dress, removing it for my pleasure. "Lace," I murmured. "I like it."
"Only the best for my queen Cybele," she laughed naughtily. Reaching behind her, Alex unhooked her undergarment, tossing it to the side. I caught sight of her hardening pebbles. The sight was both beautiful and disturbing at the same time. Gorgeous body, wrong woman, I thought, wanting to cry right then.
"Don't think about her," Alex said, lying on top of me so her soft breast touched my chest. Gently, she kissed my neck, then traced her tongue on my collarbone. The action sent a shiver down my spine, yet simultaneously, it burned me like acid. "Don't fight it," she murmured near my lips, her mint scented breath engulfing me. "I'll take care of you. You want me don't you Cybele?"
"Yes," I said with my gravelly voice, sounding like my throat was scratched over and over. I swallowed the cry that threatened to escape. This was wrong in so many places, yet I had no power to stop it. Weak! My mind mocked. You are so weak Cybele.
Alex's hands ran down my stomach. She stayed there for a while, tracing the lines on my tummy. After a while, she continued south, trailing her fingers on the band of my lingerie. "Once we start, there's no stopping," she said naughtily, holding my gaze. Not waiting for my reply, she slipped her hand inside my underwear.
"No," I said quickly before she could touch anything.
Alex paused. "You want to stop after you've made me wet? That's not the right way to treat a lady."
"This is my first time. Let me do you instead." I flipped us over in a move so I was lying on top of her.
A few seconds passed, and I stared helplessly at her face. "Well?" she asked, smiling. "Nothing's going to happen if we just stare at each other."
"I know," I sighed. "Just give me a minute or two."
"No way Cybele," she smirked. "If we're going to do it, then I won't give you time to think. So are we?" Alex licked her lips.
"We. . ." My mind sent me an image of a little girl with honey-colored hair, reaching out to hold my hand. Those same hands would hold another set of hands. A strangers hand. A very unpleasant chill ran through my spine.
"Say yes," Alex urged, still staring at me expectantly.
"I don't know," I said with hesitation. Another image burned through my head. It was of that same girl with grey eyes, smiling widely as I read her stories underneath the huge tree in the garden. The girl who grew up to be a woman would probably say the same stories to her babies. But the children would not be mine.
"Cybele," Alex said impatiently. "Make up your mind."
"Yes," I was about to say, but my heart screamed her name. Talia it said. "No," I said forcefully to Alex. "I'm in love with Talia." My heart protested at saying her name out loud. "I'm in love with Talia and she's getting married to another person." The realization slammed at me like a freight train. I was unable to do anything but lean my head on Alex's chest, crying my eyes out. "I can't let that happen. I need to stop it even if I die."
"Finally," Alex muttered as I sobbed and shook on top of her. Her hands went to my back, soothing me as she rubbed it. "I thought you're just going to stand around and watch her go with another person."
"What do you mean?" I said as I wiped the tears with the back of my hands, rolling to my side so I could sit beside her. It took a moment before I could compose myself. "Don't you think it's weird that instead of giving you pleasure, I'm crying my eyes out?"
"Oh please," Alex smirked. "Everyone knows you're in love with the princess, even when we were children. I was just waiting for you to get your head out of the clouds so you can do something about it." She laughed. "Don't get me wrong, you're sexy as hell and I don't mind bedding you, but I have my own reasons."
"Are you going to report this to the queen?"
Alex avoided my eyes. "Just because most of us seem like her puppet, it doesn't mean that we like it. So to answer your question, no I won't report it." She faced me once again. "But you have to fight for Talia. She needs you now more than ever. You'll understand what I mean eventually."
"I know," I said while nodding my head. Standing up, I went to her walk-in closet. "Can I borrow your jeans and shirt? That maid outfit will be the death of me."
"Sure," came her muffled reply from the main room. "So what are going to do Cybele?" I walked back into the room, a silk handkerchief tucked on my jeans pocket, a rope on my hand. "What are you going to do with that?" she questioned.
I smiled widely for the first time in days. "Don't worry. I have a plan." I raised my hand holding the rope. "And if it doesn't work, here's my backup plan."
"That's my girl. The Cybele we all loved." Alex smiled back. "Just make sure you don't get yourself killed."
"Maybe," I said, opening the door of her room.