[Ellie]
“Don’t ever say you’ve tried to leave me in this life. Don’t ever say you’ve tried for the last time” – Missy Higgins
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When I skate into work, Kate is already getting changed in the backroom. I slide in and see her stripping, then laugh when she shrieks and covers herself when she notices my presence.
Her eyes roll and she continues dressing, revealing a glimpse of the black lace bra and panty set she’d bought at Victoria Secret with me the other day as she tugs her uniform over her head. She almost looks like she’s posing for one of those kinds of shoots, standing there half-naked in roller-skates.
‘Don’t do that, Ellie,’ she grumbles at me, a half smile pushing at her face as she shakes her head to settle her hair.
I remove my bag from my shoulder, hanging it on my hook. I send her a judgemental look. ‘I wasn’t the one getting changed in the middle of the room. May I remind you we have a staff bathroom for that sort of thing?’
‘Yeah, but it stinks like shit,’ she says, pulling a face. She reaches up and in a swift movement, ties her bandana around her head.
‘What if it had been Harold and not me who had caught you? You wouldn’t be smiling then,’ I smirk, at which point Kate groans loudly. Harold is a slimy character from Moscow who has the creepy sexual accent and eye-undressing combo down to an art.
‘Don’t even joke about that,’ Kate murmurs as she slaps me on the shoulder, skating off to begin the day. I chuckle to myself and move into the bathroom (which still smells like shit unfortunately) and take out the air freshener I had bought solely for the purpose of giving this bathroom some fragrant love. I wrinkle my nose at the initial stink but spray around a few times, happy to notice an improvement – now it doesn’t just smell like week-old diarrhoea, but week-old diarrhoea and jasmine.
After I’ve gotten changed I skate back out and begin serving people as the steady influx of customers moves through the doors. I serve a man and his pet ferret at one stage – I haven’t worked here long enough to know the regulations about pets, but his ferret was cute and hungry-looking and the guy had a cool bowtie so I figured it couldn’t hurt to serve the duo.
About halfway through my shift I spin around on my skates and bump right into someone. Luckily I wasn’t carrying anything, because I stumble on my feet before falling right onto my ass.
‘Oh shit, I’m so sorry Ellie,’ a familiar voice says as I rub my rear end and struggle to a stand. Through my annoyed scowl I make out the face of…Luke?
My eyes go wide as I steady myself on the counter. ‘Luke?’ I ask incredulously. ‘Who-wait-what…what are you doing here?’
‘Oh, um, I came to see you, actually,’ he says nervously, wringing his hands. I feel myself tense slightly but try to not act abnormal. I brush my hair back from my face in an expaserated way. Two members of 5 Seconds of Summer dropping by to see me in two days…nearly every girl’s dream, really.
‘Well, I’m still on my shift, so you better hurry,’ I say, glancing at my boss as she waddles past and into her office. Kate skids by and notices Luke, grinning at me before whispering I’ll cover your tables for a minute.
I mouth thank you at her and turn back to Luke, who looks as awkward as ever. His eyes dart nervously all over the place.
‘I just wanted to make sure things are cool between us,’ he says. He sighs, rubbing his neck awkwardly. While we were dating for those few months it was something I noticed he did a lot when he was embarrassed or anxious. ‘I know things didn’t exactly end well, but–’
‘You left the fucking country,’ I hiss back at him. I glance at my boss, who seems to be in a deep and sensual moment with a burger. I see Luke’s regret and let out a frustrated huff, staring at the toes of my cream skates before meeting his eyes again. I remember how they used to look when I kissed him, which made me sad. Reluctantly I admit, ‘look, I do miss seeing you. Maybe we can patch things up. Just as friends, though.’
‘Of course. Friends is good.’
He gives me that borderline-troublemaker sideways smile he has and nods. I return his smile and direct him to the door. ‘Now go! I’m still working, so unless you plan on eating I suggest you leave the premises immediately, Mr Hemmings.’
Luke laughs as I slide him towards the door, pausing by the door and looking back at me. A fond smile settles lazily on his features. ‘I really did miss you, Ellie. It’s good to have you back.’
I smile slightly back at him. ‘Right back at you, Hemmings.’
He nods one last time and turns and leaves. I watch him as he walks away – his long figure looms in the morning, broad shoulders hunched as he digs his hands into his pockets. His quiffed hair stands tall like the Empire State Building.
And suddenly I’m thinking of Ashton again. I smile when I remember him dropping by yesterday, my chest fluttering in response when I think of how close we were to kissing. I blink myself away from the memory and skate back in, thanking Kate profusely as I take the tables I had left before.
~
As the trade comes to a close and the doors of the restauarant finally shut, it’s 9pm and I am somehow still buzzing. Whether it was from the double shot coffee I had bought on my break or my excitement about hanging out with Luke again just as friends, I wasn’t sure.
As Kate changes back into her normal clothes I slide in next to her. I decide I can’t be bothered going to the toilets and just strip there, peeling back the top of the dress as I fumble for my shirt.
The door swings open and Kate and I both shriek, since everyone else was supposed to have left by now. I squeak something as I realise it’s Harold, the slimy Russian man who most likely spent all his free time watching porn.
I hug my dress to my chest as he takes both of us in. Kate is in a worse situation than I – she had completely stripped off, leaving her in just her underwear. She hides behind me as we both stare at Harold, mortified.
It’s then Harold gives us the most horrible, seedy smile I have ever seen and looks us up and down without any discretion whatsoever.
‘Youse leydies hev naice lugs,’ he says to us in his Russian accent. His eyes rise to our chests, and I clutch my dress tighter. ‘End naice teets.’
Kate clings to me. ‘Leave us alone! I have a black belt!’
Harold laughs loudly, then shakes his finger mockingly at us. ‘You think I reypist, eh? Ov course nut! Ownly vanting to show leydiez gud time.’ He shakes his head. ‘Shu Ajian gurls an your marshul arts!’
‘Ew, you can go now Harold,’ Kate says icily. Harold shrugs and wanders over to the bathroom, closing the door. We both cringe when we hear a long, loud fart.
‘God, that’s why it smells so much,’ I say, making a choking sound. I glance back at Kate, who lets out a breathy laugh of relief and rests her head on my shoulder.
‘Holy fuck, Ellie. I thought we were gonners.’
I start getting changed again, this time only much faster. ‘I know, right? What a sleaze. “Ownly vanting to show leydiez gud time”. I don’t think he’s been laid in his entire life.’
Kate laughs loudly, buttoning her shirt before linking arms with me and tugging me out the door. ‘Quick, let’s get out of here before Horny Harold comes back.’
I giggle with her as we slide out of the restaurant, leaving Harold to lock up, and slide down the pathway together. We stop after a little while and call a cab after our last scare with Harold. There were much worse men than him lurking in the shadows.
‘Hey, it’s only 9,’ I say to Kate as we ride. ‘How about dinner?’
Kate nods, but a sneaky smile spreads over her face. ‘Sure. But invite the 5sos dudes, too. That can be how you repay me for covering your tables.’
I scoff at her. ‘Fine,’ I sigh as I whip out my phone and call Ashton. ‘I’ll ask the “5sos dudes”.’
Kate giggles as I wait for the call to connect. It rings a few times before Ashton picks up.
‘Hey, it’s Ellie,’ I say.
‘Ellie! Oh, hey. What’s up?’
I glance over at Kate, then look out the window. The city passes by in a beautiful array of different coloured lights. ‘I’m sorry about yesterday,’ I sigh. ‘I was being a bit of a bitch.’
Ashton pauses. ‘It’s okay. It’s not really your fault, though. I should’ve told the others.’
‘Dinner with everyone? To catch up? My friend wants to meet you guys, plus I’m dying for some food that doesn’t taste purely like cooking oil.’
Ashton laughs. ‘Sounds good. There’s a bar down the road that does surprisingly good food – where we played the other night. Meet there in a few?’
I nod, then realise he can’t see me. ‘We’ll see you there soon.’
I hang up and tuck my phone into my pocket, realising Kate is staring at me expectantly. I chuckle, roll my eyes, and nod. Kate fist-pumps the air, then crumples her fist on the taxi roof.
‘Ah, shit,’ she curses, inspecting her knuckles. I laugh loudly at her, and despite her injury, she joins in. Between our laughs I tell the taxi driver our new destination, which is a few minutes down the road from where we are currently stopped at the lights.
After Kate has sobered down she leans back in her seat, ruffling her hair. ‘So, are they nice?’
I blink away my thoughts. ‘Hm?’
‘The 5sos dudes,’ she clarifies with a slight smile. ‘Are they nice?’
I shrug, pretending to think for a moment. I give her a sarcastic eyebrow lift. ‘Well, they’re not entirely awful.’
Kate shoves me in the side just as we arrive, smirking at me as she opens the door and gets out. I pay with a quick thank you and leave, following Kate into the bar/restaurant combo and looking around. It’s relatively busy for 9:30 at night – families (most of them older – it was past most kids’ bedtimes) sat around tables of food, sharing stories and laughing in the typical catching-up manner families interacted in.
Kate links her arm through mine as she waits for me to spot the guys. I look around, spotting them chatting at a table with two extra chairs meant for us.
I point at them and Kate nods, following me as I weave through the tables all chatting loudly, the sound swirling around until all I can here is an indistinctive chatter. Individual words melt into the funnel of noise.
Calum spots us and waves, giving Kate a smile. I tentatively return the wave and look down at Kate, who is grinning from ear to ear.
‘Hey, guys,’ I say as we finally find ourselves at the table. The others turn around and smile at us, and Ashton sees me and grins. He stands and ushers us over to our seats, but before I can sit down, he gives me a big hug.
I’m surprised at first, but return the hug with a gentle squeeze. I felt myself starting to melt, my heart beating faster as I feel the strength in Ashton’s grip. It was always something that never failed to send my heart into a frenzy.
He pulls back, smiling at me. His dimples sit as rivets in his cheeks – I almost physically swoon. His smile is way too perfect. I think I’m going to have a heart attack.
I sit down next to Kate, who ends up next to Michael. I feel like they will get on well, sharing sexual jokes and sarcastic comments. That was both of their strong points.
‘This is my friend Kate,’ I say, introducing her. ‘She’s from work.’
She gives a slight wave, beaming. ‘Hey 5sos dudes!’
They all laugh. It’s funny hearing all their laughs together – Ashton’s high-pitched giggle, Luke’s quieter chuckle, Calum’s deeper laugh, and Michael’s short and breathy exhale. Michael gives her a look of false disbelief, pretending to look hurt.
‘5sos dudes?’ he splutters. ‘We have names, you know.’
Kate thinks for a moment. ‘You’re…Mitchel, right? Or, like, Mike?’
I giggle at Michael’s dry look. Kate gives a playful look like a kid caught acting up in class, but still a strength stands in the upwards tilt of her head. Her freckles seem to fade into her creased cheeks as she grins at Michael.
‘Michael,’ he says, a smile slowly spreading over his face. He sits back, folding his arms as Kate’s playfulness seeps into him. ‘You’re…Kelly, right? Or, like, Kaitlin?’
‘Kate!’ She corrects, laughing at him. He laughs with her, and I smile at the two. They start up a conversation, which Calum joins and Luke periodically contributes to. I look over at Ashton, catching him watching me. We both turn a rosy pink colour, with most of the red taken out in the intermittently lit room.
I clear my throat, although it’s more out of a need to make a sound to fill the emptiness between us rather than an honest itchy-throat moment. ‘I really am sorry about walking out yesterday,’ I say, chewing my lip. I sigh, adjusting my hands in my lap. ‘I didn’t mean for that to happen. I guess I just got…a little carried away.’
Ashton shrugs. ‘S’okay. I should’ve told the others. I was going to, but…I dunno. I just…didn’t.’
We smile at each other. I’m reminded of the moment before I stormed off on the couch – it causes my heart to flutter unconsciously, and I flit my gaze away and take a sip of my water. It tastes cold amongst the flush of heat I feel when I notice his eyes on me again.
I think he’s about to say something when my phone rings. I wrestle it out of my pocket and see dad’s name flashing across the screen. I excuse myself and walk outside, taking the call.
‘Hey, Dad, I can’t really talk –’
My words drop off at the sound of sniffling. I furrow my eyebrows and press the phone closer to my ear. ‘Dad? Are you okay?’
‘It – it’s you mother, Ellie.’
His voice is hoarse, cracking with emotion. A wave of panic courses through me, because dad never, ever cries.
But he’s crying now.
‘Dad, what happened?’ I say. He doesn’t respond. ‘DAD,’ I repeat emphatically, and I hear a sobbing breath on the other end of the line.
‘She had a stroke, Ellie,’ he cries. I can barely make out his words between his sobs – but I don’t need to. My entire body freezes as I catch the word stroke. I stop breathing and wait for dad to compose himself enough to continue, my heart hammering in my chest. He takes a trembling breath and speaks, tiny words coming from a man usually so strong. ‘She had a stroke, from the high blood pressure. She’s in a vegetative state. She’s not coming back this time.’
His voice breaks on the last sentence and he starts crying uncontrollably. All I can do is stand and stare – I can’t breathe. I can’t feel or hear anything but the slamming of my heart in my chest, the blood pumping through me as reality hits me like a bus.
A wretched sound comes out from me as I collapse, my back hitting the brick wall. It hurts, but I don’t care. All I feel is numb as my skin scrapes against the rough brick surface, pricking blood that collects in tiny spheres on my back. Blurred shapes and colours mix, bleeding together like watercolours as tears shimmer over my eyes and leak down my face. All I see is my mother’s face, and all I can feel is anger. At her, at me, at dad, at everyone.
‘FUCK!’ I scream. Someone walking past me stumbles in fright, glancing down at me with a judgemental frown on their face. I curl up into myself, sobbing, my head on the pavement as I cry to the stars.
‘FUCK YOU WORLD!’ I scream. ‘HOW DARE YOU, HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!’
The pain burns, a terrible ache eating away at my insides. I stumble, catching myself on the wall. I propel myself forwards and struggle down the path, calling a cab and collapsing in the backseat after I hiccup and give my address to the taxi driver. I lie in the backseat and cry and cry and cry, feeling so empty and hollow inside.
I knew it was coming. It was always going to happen – she was an accident waiting to happen, a bomb waiting to go off. The doctors had warned us, the specialists had told us she didn’t have long left.
But why did it have to happen now? When I was on the other side of the world?
When I get home, my aunt isn’t here. Without thinking I clumsily fumble through her cupboards, finding the alcohol draw and grabbing the first bottle I find. I tip my head back and chug it down, retching at the taste but forcing it down anyway. I needed to escape the grief. I needed to fly away to somewhere where I didn’t care that mum was dead. I needed to stop the hurting.
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I'M SORRY.
Well not really but hey, I should at least pretend to be, huh? (:D) Poor Ellie :( I felt so sad for her writing this.... It made me upset D:
BUt yeah another update in like ten minutes woot love me bebs <3 vote/comment/read
nostalgicturtle xx