!!! Warning: this chapter talks about mental illness. Sakura's mental health is affecting her. If things like that are a trigger to you, DO NOT READ THE CHAPTER. There is also strong language. !!!
Thursday, 23rd of July.
"Happy birthday Anata!"
Sasuke jumped and turned around. He was still getting used to the new house and didn't know where everything was yet. He was currently trying to find the bathroom and Sakura had jumped out of nowhere. She was facing him with a big smile on her face. How was she always in such a good mood.
"Thank you."
"Did you sleep well?"
"I did. Did you sleep? Where is Sarada?"
"I had two hours of sleep. She is with my parents."
"Why?"
"Because they wanted to spend some time with her and I figured that we are going over there for lunch anyway. Besides I need someone to mind her while I cook for tonight."
"I am here."
"Well I'm not used to that."
"I am her father."
"What is that supposed to mean? I know that you are."
"I should be the first person you go to if you need someone to mind our daughter."
His tone sounded a little bit more harsh than he expected but at the same time he was a bit hurt that she didn't think of him to mind his own child.
"Sasuke... let's not go there, please."
"Go where?"
"I don't want to say something that could hurt you."
"Why would you hurt me?"
"Because the explanation I will give you won't make you happy."
"Say it."
"No."
"Sakura."
"No."
"Why didn't you ask me to mind Sarada? Why did you bring her to your parents?"
"Because you were asleep."
"That's not the real reason. Speak."
"Don't be annoying Sasuke."
"I am her father. I can take care of her."
"You can't be the first person I ask because you're not here. You're never here. I don't want to mind her. I don't want to be around her at all. I'm sick of lying to people by telling them that I am so happy to be a mom. Truth is, I can't bond with her."
"I don't understand. You seemed to be happy around her since I got back. You even brought her to me when I was in the hospital."
"Yeah well, I changed my mind today." she was not making any sense. It was like her personality had shifter overnight. He decided to change the subject before things got heated.
"Kakashi pays me for these missions and I told him to give you 90% of what I make. We were setting that up."
"You're giving me ninety percent of your salary?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I wasn't here."
"Well I'd rather have you here than getting money because you aren't."
He stopped for a second a looked at her. He didn't know how to go on about this but he was getting hurt by what she was saying. He had never lied to her about not being able to stay by her side. He had vowed her to protect her and that's what he was doing by going on missions. He was feeling insulted right now and it won't go well if he stayed there.
"I'm going out."
"Well, be back for lunch."
He knew that she was mad at him for leaving but he couldn't care less. He had taken enough mean comments from her over time.
Sasuke walked the streets of Konoha trying to calm down. He wasn't feeling angry, just hurt by what she said to him. Of course he understood how hard it was for her when he was away but what was she thinking? That it was easy for him to just leave for an extended period of time? She knew what she was getting into when she married him. He never lied to her. She ran after him telling him that she would understand him and understand the fact that he wouldn't be home all the time. She drilled this into him and it's what eventually made him open up to her. Back then he genuinely thought that he had found the only person on this planet who would understand him but he was wrong. And what was all this mess about her not wanting to be a mom? She was so happy to have this baby when she was pregnant.
His thoughts physically brought him to the lake where he trained as a child. He sat on the edge of the pier and watched the sun travel in the sky until lunch time came. That was when he decided to walk back home to go to her parent's. He knew that things were going to be awkward between them now and he wondered if that birthday was a good idea. He was going to mention it to her when he got back home but she completely pushed him away by rolling her eyes at him and she walked ahead of him. He followed her.
Sakura rang the bell of her parent's home and as soon as the door opened, she put on an act. She was laughing and smiling at everything her mom was saying. Sasuke was quiet not feeling comfortable with all of this. If she was able to act this way with her mom, how was she acting with him when she wasn't happy.
The two couples sat at the table. Sasuke was facing her dad and Sakura was by his side.
"So, are you happy to have your husband back home Sakura?" asked her mom.
"Well, it's definitely nice to feel supported for once." silence answered her petty comment. Sasuke was so ashamed that he didn't even want to look at her parents. He just wanted to disappear. Her dad coughed and spoke.
"Sasuke, I heard that you and Sai took care of a big menace. Is that why you were away?"
When he looked at her dad, the man secretly winked at him. Sasuke had never felt more grateful. "Yes, I was gathering information and when I knew enough about the situation, I asked Kakashi to send Sai. We attacked and he sealed the menace with a special jutsu of his."
"I can't wait to tell Sarada all of the amazing things you are doing!" shouted her mom. He glanced at Sakura who was holding her fork angrily. A part of him felt happy that her parents were backing him up because he didn't feel like he had done something wrong but on the other hand he could already see the fight that was going to happen.
"That's if Sarada lives until she can understand this story. Mom, dad, that was really nice but we need to go."
"But we just started eating..."
"Yeah sorry. I have a whole dinner to cook for tonight. Can you mind Sarada until tomorrow?"
"Fine but I don't understand what is going on." her mom looked at her husband worriedly. Sasuke heard her voice crack.
"Nothing is going on. Sasuke, we're going home."
Sasuke looked at her confused and then looked at her parents. They seemed just as lost as him.
"Sakura-"
"No dad. We need to go."
She pushed a chair out of her way and stormed out of the house. Sasuke awkwardly followed but stopped at the entrance. "I am sorry about this. Thank you for the invitation."
"Sasuke, just so you know... it isn't the first time that it happens. She keeps talking about Sarada dying or her dying."
After he heard that, he ran after her and tried to stop her by putting his hand on her shoulder. "Sakura." she spun around fast.
"No! You turned my parents against me? How dare you come between me and my family?!"
"I- what?"
"They defended you!"
"They were making conversation."
"You really think that I'm an idiot?!"
"No," Sasuke looked around and saw a group of people staring at them. "can we talk about this at home?" he begged her with his eyes and she seemed to understand. She quietly marched back to their house and once inside she started screaming again.
"I am doing everything! I carried your child, I took care of her while you were away doing god knows what and now you come back, you tell me that you will give me money?! What the hell are we to you? Do you even care about us or are you just trying to escape?" she started crying and Sasuke looked at her dumbfounded. What the hell was happening? "Answer me!" she threw a vase on the floor. "Admit it! You didn't want that child and now I have to deal with it!"
"Sakura." he was getting panicked. His chest was feeling too tight and his mind was fuzzy.
"Shut up!"
He tried to approach her but she screamed even louder. "I am not made to be a mother. I am not and I am stuck with that baby now because you're not staying with us! I wanted to die when you were away! You hear me?! I thought that it would be easier for you if me and Sarada just died!"
"What are you talking about?"
"We're a burden to you. Admit it." she was sobbing and Sasuke's soul was crushed. How could she believe something like that?
"You are not a burden. Sakura sit down so we can talk."
"I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to anyone!"
"Did you stop the treatment that Tsunade gave you? You are supposed to take it for at least a year."
"What? You think that I am crazy?"
"Not crazy, just unstable. Did something happen while I was away?"
"You happened! You gave me a fucking baby and you left me!"
"I was gone for a mission only."
"That's what you will say next time and you won't come back. You won't come back because you don't love us!"
"When is the last time you got a full night of sleep?"
"Why do you care? It's none of your business."
She was still crying and he didn't know how to handle that. "I am your husband, of course I care."
"You're not here anyway." she laughed.
"What?"
"You're not here right now. It's another one of my dream where I am convinced that you're here but you're not."
"Sakura, I am here and you are awake."
"Don't lie to me. I need to wake up now." she walked away from him.
"Where are you going?"
"Every time I was in a dream where you were here, I had to hurt myself or get hurt so that I could wake up. I'm gonna do that now."
It took him a second before the information got to his brain. When it did, he jumped after her. He found her in the kitchen and he stopped her by grabbing her. "Sakura, you are coming with me."
"No. I can't trust you."
"You are being delusional. Why would you not be able to trust me?"
"Because you want to hurt me."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"So why are you holding me like that?!"
"Because you want to hurt yourself."
If he thought that he had been losing her the last time that she had a nervous breakdown, he was wrong. Now it felt like she had lost herself. Where was the Sakura that he had fallen in love with?