The surrounding was silent as she walked down the way, pulling her luggage along, listening to the sound of the wheels rolling against the ground. She came to a stop, standing her luggage from the tilted position and inhaled deeply. She looked around her surrounding slowly, pivoting her body to a full circle and let her gaze fleet across the scenes.
She's going to miss everything that was in here. Every memory made and every word they had said. Exhaling loudly, she pulled her luggage to the nearest wall and placed it there before taking a seat. She lands a hand on her skinny jeans before flattening it out, feeling the smooth denim under her palm. Taking a look at her wrist watch, she realized that she is too early for her flight. Pulling down the sleeves of her trench coat, she eyed the dark blue book with a white ticket slid in between and held in up, flipping the pages open, she stared at the flight ticket for a moment.
Her flight is scheduled at 00:45am and right now it's only 21:08pm. She's early and it would only take a thirty minute ride to reach the airport. Closing the passport, she placed it in her handbag and took her phone out, pressing the home button and pursed her lips tightly when the backlight lit up, showing the wallpaper of her and a blonde, cheek to cheek smiling happily at the camera. She scoffed at that picture, hating how the false hope of happiness seems to linger on their faces, or her face, to be exact but she could not stop herself from pressing the home button whenever the backlight fades off.
"Hi."
A husky voice travelled into her ears and she let out a smirk before locking her phone, putting it face down beside her.
"Hello."
She replied, not bothering to turn around and see who is talking to her. After all, she's going to leave this country and not coming back anymore, it wouldn't hurt to talk to a stranger to kill time.
"You sound kind of sad."
"Maybe."
"Ahh, has it got to do with your leaving?"
She raised an eyebrow at that speculation and the stranger seemed to get her question from the silence. Chuckling, the stranger spoke again.
"I mean, you're with your luggage and such. It wouldn't be that hard to guess that you're leaving."
She laughed, though hollow and nodded her head.
"Why leaving? Can't it be that I've just arrived?"
The stranger laughed softly and she grimaced at the voice, the voice that sounds so familiar to her. The voice that usually makes her heart flutters and her breathing hitched.
"If you've just arrived, you wouldn't be sitting at here."
"Why?"
"Because if it was me, I would have dive under my bed and snuggled under the covers."
She sniffed, nodding her head at the answer and turned both her palms upwards, scrutinizing it clearly.
"You know, someone once told me that sharing all your sadness to a stranger will make you feel better."
"Why?"
"Because you don't know each other and you say out all your feelings. The heavy feeling on your heart is gone and you wouldn't have to worry that the stranger will betray you because you guys won't probably meet again."
"And if we do?"
"It's destiny then."
She laughed once more and it was livelier this time. She let out an audible sigh and stared up for a moment.
"So?"
"Maybe you can tell me what's been troubling you."
The stranger's voice was soft and filled with concern. For a moment, she thought that she is talking to one of her best friends; one that really cares about her and one that really wants to understand her.
"Maybe I could."
She answered and she heard the stranger hummed in response.
"Where shall I start then?"
"Hmm, maybe the one that weighs on your heart the most?"
The one that weighs on her heart the most? Not much, she doesn't really bother about things that happened in her mind because if she does, her life would be in a mess. A huge mess. There're just too many things in her life that happened and if she does care about each and every one of it, it would kills her. So she doesn't really bother about irrelevant things. She choose to forgets it once it past, trying to move on in her life.
Except for one thing.
One that she is not sure whether she would forget even if it's already past, even if she chooses to let it be in the past.
One that she would probably care the most in her whole entire life.
"I like a girl."
She stated, straight and honest. She doesn't like beating around the bush, it's a waste of time to her because the fact has to be said eventually, so why wait and speak in circle when the results would be the same, be it good or bad.
"Wow. That's kind of frank."
"Isn't it?"
"Yeah, so how is she like?"
"Beautiful and gorgeous."
The stranger chuckled at the reply before speaking up again.
"Too vague, she must have something special for you to fall in love with her."
"Special? She is, maybe that's why I fell in love with her."
She whispered out, eyes dreamily as she pictured the blonde in her mind.
"Cheesy aren't you? Bet that's how you get her."
She smirked silently at the tease, her right hand slid to her side as she thumbed the back of her phone.
"I didn't."
"Ahh, she must be a strong and smart girl that didn't fell straight into your trap after some flowery words you gave to her."
"She's smart and strong but no, I didn't get her. I didn't confess to her."
The stranger was quiet once again and she could picture the stranger's mouth half opened without looking.
"She's pretty. I've known her since we're 15 years old. At first we didn't really go along that well because, you know, we're like from different league. But as time passes, we realized that we actually get along well so from acquaintance, we turned to friends to good friends to best friends to buddy."
She continued explaining, a smile appeared on her face unknowingly when she reminisced the time where she met the blonde. How her bubbly and loud voice pushed her away from her, how they disagree on everything, how she used to give her cold shoulders to get away from her and how she would mutter an apology reluctantly when the blonde pouted at her coldness.
"Sounds like a typical high school drama."
"Yeah, except this is more exciting than the typical high school drama."
"How so?"
"I fell in love with her unknowingly, isn't that exciting enough?"
"It sounds like another typical high school love story."
She let out a laugh before shaking her head at the insistent yet pointless argument. It reminded her on how the blonde and she used to argue with each other.
"Well, this is different though because in this typical high school love story, the girl fell in love with another girl which happens to be her best buddy and thus making this typical love story not typical anymore."
She could somehow imagined that the stranger must be frowning and trying to digest her tongue twister statement right now, seeing that the stranger was quiet for a moment.
"True enough."
She smiled smugly, knowing that she had somehow, in a certain way, won the pointless argument.
"Anyway, what happened next?"
The stranger's voice was filled with curiosity it made her thought that the stranger was actually anticipating what's going on next but with a hint that she seems to know what had happened in fact.
"Nothing, I fell in love with her and kept it a secret. I watched her date guys that she likes, lend a listening ear and shoulder whenever she needed, fake a smile when she speaks about her dates and stayed with her when they broke."
"For how long?"
The stranger's voice was soft like any louder and it will break her fragile heart. She just had to scoff at that pity in her voice. She's not weak; at least that's what she thought after going through the same thing for three times.
"5 years."
"That's long."
The stranger gasped and she brought her phone up, clicking on the home button again. The backlight lit up once and she smiled bitterly at the happy faces in it. Her smile assures her greatly, as if it was the band aid to the scars on her heart. It suppressed the pain, it stops the bleeding and it comforts the ache.
"Yeah?"
"Yes, it's long. Why... why didn't you want to confess to her?"
"Figures it won't change anything but our friendship, furthermore I didn't even know if she swings that way or not."
The stranger was quiet now, and she refuses to speak anymore for memories flashes in her mind like a broken record. Bits and pieces are everywhere in her mind and it hurts her head a lot. The memory where the oh – so – beautiful eyes shed those ugly tears that she would always wiped away with her thumb or just let it flow and wet her shirt. The oh – so – delicious lips that would sometimes quiver in sadness and turned into an upside down frown when she cries or it would smiled so beautifully that it makes her want to kiss it despite the fact that other guy's name are coming out from the blonde's mouth.
"Haven't you thought of giving up?"
She bit on her lower lip as she repeated the question in her head. Giving up? She never really thinks about it. All she knows that whenever she felt that she is really tired and could not go on anymore, a tiny physical contact with the blonde will change her thinking. Releasing the bite on her lip, she hunched forward and rested her chin on her fist where her elbow was supported by her knees.
"Honestly? No. I've never thought of giving up. Not when she's constantly around me, like a live reminder of why I fall in love with her at first."
"It must be tough, isn't it? Loving someone secretly, the feeling must be nasty especially she still shares her love stories with you."
"You seemed to understand it a lot, experience it before?"
"To be honest, no, I've never. Guess I'm lucky in this area. I love and was loved but break ups? Yeah, I've experienced it a lot."
The stranger let out a soft giggle and she could hear a slap coming from the stranger, probably from the contact of her hand and jeans because she could hear the sound of fabric.
"At least you were once in love."
"You didn't?"
"She was my first love."
"Wow, I've never really heard of this before."
"Of course you never."
"She must be a wonderful person for you to love her secretly so long."
"She is, she really is."
"Why don't you try and confess to her? Maybe you do have a chance to be with her?"
"A little late I guess, when I wanted to, I realized I'm late by a minute. She was already taken by another girl. A friend of ours."
"Is... that why you're leaving?"
She nodded her head, her smile on her face was blissful but yet sadness was evident at the same time. She picked up her phone and realized it's already 21:40pm. She had to go to the airport soon.
"Hey... to be honest, your secret sounds kind of familiar but I couldn't really put a finger on it."
"Oh?"
"It feels like I should have known it, but it has never happened to me. You get what I mean? Like it's really familiar, like I seemed to hear it somewhere but I can't remember it."
Of course you can't.
"Maybe it's just another typical love story that you once read it or something."
She pulled her up trench coat sleeves and checked her wrist watch again. It's about time.
"No, no. It doesn't seem to be that way. The things you said, it's like it hits straight on my heart."
She refuses to speak anymore. She refuses to reply anymore. The stranger's voice was harsh and rushed this time round. It seemed that the stranger could sense that she's leaving.
"Since you've told me your darkest secret, can you do me another favor?"
She stopped at that request and breathed deeply for a few time before speaking out quietly.
"What?"
"May I know who she is, the person... that you've fallen in love with."
"Why bother?"
"Please..."
She pulled down her sleeves and contemplated silently. Giving out a sigh, she fumbled around her bag and found a card and pen. Uncapping the pen, she wrote on the card silently before keeping her pen and stood up.
"Hey, could you do me a favor?"
"Yeah?"
The stranger's voice was shaky and trembling but she chose to ignore it.
"Wait till I'm gone then you could find out the answer by your right hand side."
The card was placed silently at the right hand side of the stranger, between the wall that separates the both of them. She stood up and looked across the house once again, trying to take in everything for the last time before pulling her luggage and picked up her bag.
She walked towards the door and turned the knob, pushing it open and went straight out without turning back at all. The cab that she had called was already waiting outside and without any hesitation; she boarded it and the cab droves off.
The stranger waited with her eyes shut tightly. She heard the door closed and she let out a breath shakily before opening her eyes. Why does it hurt so much? Her heart, why does it feel like it's strangled by a rope so tightly that she could not breathe?
She turned around slowly and saw a lone yellow card lying at her right side. Picking it up with a trembling hand, she turned the card over and swallowed the huge lump in her throat.
It's you, Lisa Manoban.
Love,
Jennie Kim
A hand flew to her mouth as tears ran down like a waterfall on her cheeks. She didn't expect this. She had never seen it coming, she had never realize that Jennie love her and she was so sure that she had never see Jennie in that way before.
So why, why does she feels that her heart is ripping in pieces, like a part of her whole has gone missing. What is the constricting feeling she has on her chest now and why is she crying right now?
Most importantly, why does she feel like she's going through a break up when she's still attached to someone else, when she never even have a start with Jennie at first?
Lisa released her cries, bawling loudly on the floor as she clutched the card tighter in her grip, crumpling it as she pulled it to her chest, as if she could place the late and unspoken confession into her heart.
---
"Why are you leaving?!"
Lisa whined loudly when she realized Jennie, her best buddy is leaving Korea to America for real despite she was told two weeks ago.
"Because I want to start afresh, start anew?"
"And why would you want that?!"
"I have my own reason, Lili."
"We're best buddy! What can't you tell me?"
Jennie heaved a loud sigh as she zipped up her luggage and turned around to face the pouting face of Lisa.
"You'll know one day."
"Why one day? Why can't it be now? Jennie, please don't leave! You know I can't live without you! What's going to happen to me whenever I'm sad, when I'm happy and what's going to happen to our get – together Saturday?"
"Chaeyoung will be here for you."
"But it's different!"
"What's different? Chaeyoung is your girlfriend, she'll make a great company for you."
"But Chaeyoung is not you! It's different Nini!"
Jennie stood up and put her hands up in the air, signaling for Lisa to stop.
"Would you let me off if I tell you the reason?"
"What do you mean by off?"
"Meaning you'll let me go to America in peace."
Lisa fell in silence as she consider Jennie's deal and after what seems like an eternity, she agreed.
"Great, I'll tell you tomorrow."
"But you're leaving tomorrow!"
"And?"
"What if the reason would make me stopped you from leaving? Are you going to stay then?"
Jennie smiled at the soft words and shook her head. No, her mind is set, there's nothing going to stop her from leaving, even the reason of her departure itself.
"Tomorrow then, it's set. Now shoo off and go back home. Chaeyoung's waiting and I want to sleep right now."
Jennie pulled Lisa up, who resisted a little, and pushed her out of her room to the hallway.
"I'll send you off tomorrow?"
Jennie stared at Lisa for a moment before shaking her head.
"No. I don't want to see your crying face before I leave. We'll meet here at 21:00pm. And we'll not see each other's faces for the night."
"Why!?"
Lisa wailed loudly at the unreasonable request. She doesn't want to send her best friend off without taking one last look at her. It would kill her.
"I don't want to miss you too much and I don't want you to miss me too much either."
"No!"
"Remember the game we always play?"
Jennie ignored Lisa's protest and continued. Lisa huffed and lowered her eyes dangerously before muttering out a soft 'yes'.
The Stranger Game. Where both of them will act as a stranger and tell each other their own secrets, believing that it'll be kept safe within each other and never to be told to others.
It's the rule of the game. No one is supposed to let out each other's secret, they are not allowed to look at each other as they talked until one goes off, like how strangers would talk and walk away.
"We'll play that one last time tomorrow. Your place will be at the kitchen, behind the wall and I'll be sitting behind it, right beside the door."
Jennie jerked the thumb to the wall that separates the kitchen and the living room.
"No rules are to be broken, let us play this game nice and well alright?"
Lisa refused to reply as she turned her head away. Jennie let out a chuckle and pulled Lisa's face to look at her.
"It'll be the most beautiful farewell, don't you think?"
Jennie whispered and pressed a soft kiss on Lisa's forehead.
"Chaeyoung's here. Bye."
With that, Jennie gave Lisa a last smile and retreated back into her house after giving Chaeyoung a slight wave.
As the door closed in front of Lisa, a silent 'I love you' lingered in the air softly before it disappeared into the air like it has never been spoken before.
---
Lisa stood up with the half crumpled card in her hand and dashed towards the door, running out to the road barefooted and fell to her knees when she realized that she's too late.
Jennie's gone.
Kim Jennie's gone.
Her one and only Kim Jennie had left.
And it suddenly hits Lisa hard in the face, that she had love Jennie ever since they knew each other but she doesn't realize it.
Lisa bawled out loudly on the road when she realized again, that Jennie had it all planned out.
The refusal of letting Lisa sent her off, the last Stranger Game and her 'Goodbye' that turns out to be a damn 'I love you'.
"Lisa!"
Chaeyoung's voice was heard and she felt that she was being hugged tightly, Chaeyoung's scent filled her nose but she couldn't care less.
She could not hear any of Chaeyoung's fretting when it's only the words that Jennie had written rang in her ears loudly. She could only feel coldness from Chaeyoung because Jennie is no longer here to provide her warmth. She could not even smell any of Chaeyoung's vanilla scent anymore for right now, only the green tea scent from Jennie's sweater that she had wore when she arrived, constantly waft into her nose, acting like a beacon to her, telling her how stupid she is to realize her love only now, when she had loses it.
And as true as it seems to be, it is really a Stranger Game.
Because Jennie had told her secret and left, knowing that they won't be a chance that they would meet anymore, except the fact that the stranger wasn't really a stranger to being with.
And the same goes for Lisa.
Because she knows that her best buddy had become a stranger ever since she stepped out of the door, out of her heart and she will never be someone to Jennie anymore.
Lisa laughed between her cries, startling Chaeyoung at her side badly.
She laughed because she no longer views it as a Stranger Game but a Stranger's Confession.
Note: I'm writing angst because that's JENLISA nowadays. Angst TT