CHAPTER ELEVEN
"WHAT'S THE ONE THING IN THE WORLD THAT MAKES YOU THE ANGRIEST?"
"YOU'RE USELESS!" PIPER EXCLAIMED, throwing a bead at gil. they had just eaten dinner, and were now making 'friendship bracelets'. "that's the third time you've let all the beads fall off of your string!"
gil chuckled as he gathered all of the beads that hadn't fallen off of the table when his bracelet fell. "whatever," he muttered. "hey! we should make matching bracelets!"
"well at the rate you're going i'm gonna have to make them for us," piper said, setting down her third bracelet.
"how the hell are you so good at this?"
"i don't know, it's easy," she shrugged, and grabbed the lettered beads. "what should our bracelets say?"
gil looked at her. "our bracelets?"
"yes, are we not making friendship bracelets?" he blinked, then a smile spread across his face.
"can we make them say a swear word?" gil asked, his eyes big.
"of course, you child," piper laughed. "how about 'fuck'? i'll make both of them because u suck at this."
"perfect!" gil exclaimed, and piper went to work. he looked at the beads, and an idea formed in his head.
he carefully placed black and navy blue beads onto his string, then searched through the lettered beads to find what he needed.
"wrist," piper said, motioning for gil to give her his hand. she tied the string and patted it on his wrist, smiling wide. "there!"
gil looked down at it, admiring the green and gray beads she used, and the beads that spelled his favorite word, smiling wide as he felt warmth grow in his chest.
"thank you doroha," gil said, touching it lightly with his finger. "i love it."
"i knew u would." piper scrunched her nose as she worked, her tongue poking out between her lips.
gil looked down at his bracelet, the letters 'd' 'o' and 'r' already on there, and continued.
"pipe, will you tie this on my wrist?" he asked sheepishly once he had finished, grabbing it tenderly and handing it to her.
"you made one without breaking it!" she said, reading the word on the bracelet. "hey, i love this." her voice was soft, laced with disbelief.
she finished tying it, the corners of her lips turned up and locked in place. she made sure it was on as tight as possible, then went back to her own bracelet.
"thank you," gil said, admiring his new bracelets. "i'll keep them forever."
"good luck with that, this string is shit," piper said, putting the last bead on the string. "here, tie this for me."
gil did so, struggling slightly but managing to get a good knot.
"there. now we're certified best friends," piper said triumphantly, smiling wide. gil sent her a weak smile, his stomach dropping when he heard the two absolute worst words in the world to hear from a pretty girl that he had made out with.
best. friends.
shit.
"NOW, CAMPERS. TONIGHT WE ARE
going to do a spiritual exercise," alexis with a wide smile and a high pitched, overly happy voice. some campers groaned, over the sound of the crackling over the fire, and alexis frowned, but quickly shook it off. "it starts with a question. what is the one thing in the world that makes you the angriest?"
piper raised her hand, and alexis looked at her hesitantly.
"yes, piper?"
"what if there's a lot of things that make me an equal amount of angry?"
alexis sighed. "just choose one," she said, keeping her voice steady to hide her impatience, but the angry tapping of her foot told everyone that was looking at her otherwise.
"but i can't just choose one."
"just choose one!" alexis snapped, and regained her composure. "now, we're gonna start with you, willow, and work our way around the circle!"
piper thought hard about one thing that made her the angriest. there were many things. her mother. her father. the men who had raped her. people. almost everything, really.
but most importantly, herself.
"what are you gonna say?" piper asked gil, and he only shrugged, clearly lost in though too.
piper pulled her knees to her chest, her breathing quickening.
it finally came around to gil, and he cleared his throat. "the thing that makes me the angriest in the world," gil said, side-eyeing piper. "i think is society. everything about it is absolutely screwed. we judge each other to feel better about ourselves. we tell rape victims it's their faults." he swallowed. "so, yeah, society is what makes me the angriest."
the counselors stared at gil, then slowly nodded.
"thank you, gil," alexis said, then turned her attention to piper. "now you, piper. have you picked out your one thing?"
she nodded, and pushed her hair out of her face. "yes, i have." she looked around at all of the campers who were staring at her, and took a deep breath. "a lot of things piss me off." alexis shot her a glare. "sorry, tick me off. but i'm-." she looked over at gil, then down to her feet, tears threatening to spill. "i think it's my brain, that makes me the angriest. a lot of things that have happened to me aren't my fault. they were way out of my control, or i was too young, or i was too naive. but no matter what i tell myself, i still feel like i deserve what i've gotten. it's like- like my own mind turned against me, and i hate it for that, i guess."
"thank you for sharing, piper. i know how hard that must have been."
she pursed her lips, sending a singular nod at alexis so she would turn away. gil reached for her hand once everyone's attention was off of piper, but she pulled it away aggressively, and stood up. she walked away, ignoring the protests of alexis. the counselors didn't follow her, though.
none of them cared that much.
gil watched her as she walked away, and decided that he wouldn't follow her, either. she clearly didn't want him.
but the further she walked away, the more he felt guilty, and the more she inwardly begged for him to follow her.
piper walked until she reached the park. when she got there, she sat on the bench where her and gil had their first kiss.
she leaned her head back, and stared at the sky. her heart ached. she hadn't ever said what she just said out loud, and now that she had heard the words come out of her mouth she was terrified.
the thing that made her the angriest was herself.
she chewed on her lip anxiously, trying to calm down her racing heartbeat.
"what's got you so worked up?" a girls voice asked, and piper snapped her head in the direction of the voice.
a girl with short brown hair hopped off of the play set, a joint in her hand, and walked towards piper. "boy problems?"
"no," piper said softly as the girl sat herself down.
"you problems?" the girl asked, peering into pipers eyes.
"yeah, i guess you could say that."
"i see," the girl paused for a moment to take a hit. "i'm tali."
"i'm piper," piper said, reaching her hand out to shake tali's.
"do you smoke, piper?" the blonde nodded, and tali passed her the joint. "seems like you need it."
"i do." piper took a long hit, holding it in for a few moments before letting it out. she took a few more then handed it back to tali.
"you here with that camp?" tali asked, and piper lowered her eyebrows.
"you aren't?"
"no. i'm here on vacation with my family, our cabin is through the woods that way." she pointed in the opposite direction of the camp. "i found this place when i was like nine. it's been my spot ever since." tali looked around proudly. "did my first line with some guy from that camp of yours here."
"nice," piper said hesitantly, and tali laughed.
"you ever done anything other than weed?" tali asked, and piper shook her head.
"no, i've barely even smoked."
"well, do you want to try something other than weed?"
"like what?" piper asked, her conscience
screaming at her to refuse.
"i have xans and ecstasy." as tali spoke she pulled small bags with pills inside of them out of her bra. piper looked at the bags, scanning the pills.
"which do you recommend?" tali smirked.
"hmmm," the girl said. "ecstasy just makes you feel high, except it's a lot better. i'm not sure how to explain it exactly, but i think you'll like it."
piper thought for a moment, then let the words tumble out of her mouth. "okay, i'll do it." tali smiled wide at her, and piper smiled back.
one part of her felt like an idiot for accepting a drug from a random girl she had just met, but the other part of her didn't give a shit. she wanted to be numb.
tali held out a pill to piper and dropped it in her palm, then placed another in her own mouth. she took a drink out of her water then handed it to piper.
the blonde girl stared at the pill in her hand for a moment, then placed it on her tongue, and took a drink of water.
she closed her eyes as she swallowed, letting herself feel the movement of the pill through her throat.
"and now we wait," tali said, and sent a wink towards piper. "hand me your arm." piper did so, and tali pulled a pen out of her pocket. she checked the time, then scribbled the numbers ten twenty two on her arm. "it'll take at least forty five minutes until you feel it, and once it hits it'll last three or four hours," tali explained. "i wrote the time you took it on ur arm in case you freak out. then you know it'll end soon."
"am i gonna freak out?" piper asked worriedly.
"i'm sure you can handle yourself, but some people freak out when they're on drugs. you just have to keep telling yourself that it isn't real, it's just a feeling."
piper took a deep breath. "okay."
"where are you from?" tali asked, taking a drag of her cigarette.
"do you mean where i live? or where i was born?"
"both, i guess?"
"i was born in london, but i moved to oregon with my mum a few years ago." tali handed her a cigarette, and piper smiled gratefully. "she met some guy who was in london town on vacation for the summer, and we ended up coming with him when he came here. how about you?"
piper pressed her cigarette between her lips and tali lit it for her as she answered pipers question. "michigan, born and raised."
"i've never been," piper said. it was true, she had only been in one other state in america and that was california, because they had a split flight. and even then, she had only seen it from outside of the airport windows.
"it's nothin too special, it's pretty but it's boring."
they fell into an easy conversation quickly, talking about boys, and girls, in tali's case. they got to know each other quickly, sharing cigarettes and weed and secrets.
it was nice to have a girl as a friend. she had gil, but he was a boy. it was different. with tali she felt like she had nothing to ever be ashamed of.
an hour later, the two girls were laying in the overgrown grass, staring at the sky.
"i feel amazing," piper said breathlessly, as if the air leaving her body had formed words on its own.
"i know, right?" tali giggled. "it's like your body is floating." piper nodded even though tali wasn't looking at her.
"you should come stay at mine and gils cabin tonight!" piper exclaimed, and sat up. "i can sneak you in!"
"that's the stupidest idea i've ever heard," tali said, then shrugged. "i'm in."
piper laughed happily, and tried to sit up.
her body fell back down quickly, and they broke into a fit of laughter. "i only feel light when i'm down here," piper said once her laughter calmed down. "it's too heavy up there," she sighed.
a tree branch cracked behind them, and tali pulled herself up.
"is someone here?" piper whispered, her eyes wide.
"i don't know," tali said, then snickered slightly, the drug preventing her from keeping quiet.
"piper?" a voice called, and she felt herself relax.
"gil!"