the mind of a teenager.

inner child.

there are many characters in the story of my life. such as moon, the voices , me , star ( they are special ) and sun. there is however a part of me that i feel sorry for. a part of me that i wish was happy . a part of me i wish was still how i was. my inner child. the one part of me that get excited at parks. that strives to dance. that one part of me that sees a stuffie and gets really happy. a part of me that can't sleep without a stuffie. some parts of my inner child do seep through into my everyday life. when i got to a park i do get excited my the swings and everything but i contain it and just use the swings in peace. when i go to sleep i have to cuddle up to a stuffie otherwise i don't feel safe. yes that sounds weird. i know it does and i'm weirded out myself. but i can't bring myself to not do so. it makes me upset. even though i feel numb i still get upset at the fact i don't have my cuddly toy near by. my inner child is the me i never got to experience if that makes sense. i started maturing at a young age after my dad left. yes i still played with toys as a child and everything but i didn't have that joy. when my dad left it was just me and my mum. my mum was young when she had me. so i had to learn to help her. of course now i don't do chores because i'm lazy as fuck. but when i was younger i tried. i feel everyone has an inner child . mines just has impulses stronger than others. when the numb feeling came it took away my pain if i hurt myself. however my inner child is really squeamish and has a strong dislike to blood. i've always had a weak stomach since i was young so it was no doubt the numbness couldn't take it away. it's not every time i see blood on myself i scream and puke but when i see someone in public with blood on them i feel my stomach turning. of course when i manage to draw blood from myself most times it's fine. but there is an odd occasion where i can't stand it and puke. maybe i just have a mind of a child as they say. somewhere in my mind my inner child is locked away. when i'm free my inner child can play. when i'm free . like a butterfly.