"Rafe Archer, you are now the proud owner of a teapot."
It is honestly the most beautiful teapot I've ever seen. It looks like something out of a Vogue editorial done in a Victorian manor house. Something you'd use to serve the queen if she ever happened to stop by. It is bone white China, its surface alabaster smooth, with resplendent detailing across its china surface.
The situation is so ridiculous and barely feels real as if sprawl out on the wooden slats of the verandah, basking in the last of the day's heat. Rafe looks slightly concerned though. "We should return this. It's not right to steal." I blink at him. Who knew his moral compass was so fixed. Then I feel like a bad person because I'd thought it'd be cool to keep it.
"Chill, they wouldn't even know you took it! There aren't even any cameras in the store."
"Well, yeah, but it's wrong. I've literally just stolen a teapot. God, what if somebody calls the police? And they have detectives and whatever? They'd find fingerprints, surely? But there'd be like barely any evidence, right?"
I think quietly for a moment. "I don't know. I mean, I hardly think Leo's is going to call the police over a missing teapot, however decadent the thing may be." I gesture at the thing. "But," Rafe tenses. "If they did, they could use PCR and find out it was you maybe?"
"Evie, I'm starting to get a little stressed about stealing a teapot. PCR sounds like a K-pop boyband."
"Okay, Okay! So PCR is this technique used to amplify tiny amounts of DNA found at crime scenes. It stands for polymerase chain reaction and it's when a whole, I don't know, 'cocktail' of ingredients including DNA nucleotide bases, primers, a certain Taq polymerase enzyme from this specific bacteria that lives in super high temperatures, uhm, a buffer solution and, uh...? Oh! The DNA template, obviously, are mixed up. Thee are three main stages."
Rafe is staring at me wide-eyed, still looking worried. Who knew that luxe louche loverboy Rafe could be scared of a teapot. Well, the consequences of stealing a teapot.
"So, step one is denaturing. It's when the double stranded DNA is heated to 94 or 95°C to separate it into two single double strands. Because the hydrogen bonds are broken by the high temperature."
Rafe slightly perks up at that, possibly recalling my spiel to Gareth about hydrogen bonds. He nods uncertainly.
"The next stage is annealing which is when the temperature is lowered to about 50 to 65°C in order to allow the DNA primers to attach to the template DNA. And then the final main stage is when the temperature is raised to 72°C and the new strand of DNA is made by the Taq polymerase enzyme. Theses three stages of 'thermal cycling' are repeated, like, 20 to 40 times with the amount of DNA being doubled each time and a complete PCR reaction can be conducted in only a few hours."
Rafe gives me an expression. "Yeah, Okay but what does that mean for me? That they have like a billion copies of my DNA already?"
"I guess so? I mean, obviously they'd need to match you up to like a DNA profile data base with the FBI or whatever but yeah. This is all kind of a moot point though because, first off, who's gonna be calling the FBI, or even detectives, for that matter, to investigate a missing teapot-"
"Detectives? Duvall and Montague?"
"Oh, uh no, I mean real detectives but probably them too, yeah."
"Oh, of course: Astoria's top detectives!" He says the last part sarcastically but it is true. And anyway, Madeleine can be quite the inadvertent gossip sometimes. What a scandal that would be if she accidentally let slip that the resident Rich Boy stole a teapot.
"-And uh, a DNA profile with the FBI?"
"It kinda comes with the territory of being the direct descendent of Archer senior. In case I ever get held hostage and they find my dead body or something."
"Woah, Rafe. Okay. I guess, maybe we should return the thing?"
"Thank you!"
We put the groceries away quickly. And then walk back to the store planning a whole speech out on the way there. Rafe growls in exasperation, and literally pulls out a notepad from within his jacket as wells as a Mont Blanc pen. He hands it to me and begins to dictate a short message of remorse. I cut him off.
"Hey, hey! Archer! Stop. Are you sure you want me using this?" I hold the pen up, showing him.
"What? Yes! Now, for the apology-"
"This pen! You literally, well practically, attacked me the first time we ever had, like, an encounter because you thought I was trying to take it."
"Leger, I thought I explained all this. I was stupid. And crushing on you and confused. Yes, you can use the damn pen. Please." We continue on back to the store and Rafe doesn't even use the speech. I explain about my university acceptance and the resulting euphoria and confusion and the store manager doesn't even seems to mind. In actuality, he congratulates me, and offers me the teapot and supersedes it for a very fancy French coffee press when he hears that we're way more into coffee. Finally we collapse back home. I'm so tired after a long day of school and work and walking back and forth, but still so very happy.
"Oh! My parents don't know yet!" I sprawl out on the couch and open my laptop, dialling them immediately. Rafe smiles and leaves me to talk to my parents, going to have a shower. After a few seconds, they pick up and their faces fill the screen.
"Guys! Guys! I got in! I got the scholarship! I'm going to be a scientist!" They shout with joy and the sound gets lost in the static that comes out of the speakers of my laptop. I quickly run them through everything, reading out the email several times over. After a while, I see Rafe slink into the kitchen, towelling his slightly damp hair. My mother catches a glimpse of him from the corner of the screen and smiles, nudging my father who just misses him.
"Is that your boy?" My dad asks.
"My boy? What?"
"Yeah, Raphael, isn't it?" Wait, Rafe isn't my boyfriend anymore. Did I forget to tell them? Oh god. What do I do?
"Ra-afe?"
"Yeah," he calls, "just a minute. I'm using our new French press. Do you want coffee?" It's literally night time. Why is he having coffee? "Wait, I'll make you a hot chocolate, alright? I know you don't have, like, any caffeine after 2pm. I'll add cinnamon to the hot chocolate; I know that's how you like it."
My mother practically swoons and somehow my father's even quirked his eyebrow in approval at how well Rafe knows me. After about a minute, Rafe comes into the living room with two mugs. His hair is tousled and he looks surprised to see that I'm still talking to my parents. "Oh, hello," he says politely.
I tilt the laptop toward Rafe slightly, so that my parents can't see my face. "Parents, meet my boyfriend, Rafe." I shoot Rafe a look. And he catches on quickly, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
"Hey." He smiles, easily, and greets my parents. They make small talk for a while and I feel so tense but then Rafe catches sight of an artwork in the background of my parents' living room. "Oh! Is that a Lichtenstein? Roy Lichtenstein, right? Uh, ...?" He gesticulates towards it and my father whips his head around and back. He nods approvingly.
"An imitation, of course. But nonetheless, you know your art, Raphael?"
"Oh. Well, yes. My father thought it very important to be 'cultured.' I actually plan on taking Evangeline to the Museum of Modern Art in New York." This is news to me. I catch his eye and he winks but I actually believe that he really had plans.
"My favourite Lichtenstein piece is currently there. I know that many people think it overrated, but I will always adore Drowning Girl." I flinch, my thoughts sweeping me away in a riptide. My breath catches in my throat and I try to steady my mind. Clutch at the brightness that spills out of an imaginary and immeasurably far away lighthouse. Rafe rests his hand in my knee. The real world swims back into focus.
"I, uh, also had plans on taking her to the New York Hall of Science and the Liberty Science Center. And the, uh, the the morbid anatomy library. I thought she'd like that. She is quite the scientist. You have no idea how much biology knowledge I've picked up from her."
Rafe tilts the laptop away from the screen so that my parents can't see his smirk and so his double meaning goes over their heads entirely. I blush slightly, but I hope that my parents put it down to excitement about my scholarship and the trip.
I had no idea he had been planning all that! Was it from before the break up? Is it over now? Or maybe he is making all of that up in some effort to appease my parents, maintain this charade we have going on. I nibble at a marshmallow, lost in my thoughts. He squeezes my leg slightly and I realise that I am catastrophizing, yet again. I breathe. Slowly. In and out. Then my mother says something unexpected and my heart rate suddenly become so loud.
"So next week, Evie? You'll be here. For your grandmother's birthday?"
What? Oh no. I totally forgot about that.
My mother continues on, oblivious to my internal turmoil. "We haven't seen you in so long. Everybody in Reeves is looking forward to finally seeing you!" Everybody except Saskia, obviously.
My father speaks up now, and although his voice is gruff, I can tell that he means what he says. "Bring Raphael too. We want to meet him, in person." I cast Rafe an incredulous glance. And he shrugs.
"Right. Of course. We'll see you all next week! Can't wait! Love you!" I exchange my farewell pleasantries in a rush and then my parents are congratulating me again and finally they end the call and I slam the screen of my laptop down. Rafe flinches at the movement, and I do too as I realise that it could have shattered. "Oh god. Archer, I'm sorry. What have I gotten us into?"
Rafe laughs. "Oh, I live for the fake dating trope." I give him the eyebrow. "Okay, no. Not really. Are we getting a Netflix movie or something?" He resigns his sardonic tone when he sees my unimpressed stare and is finally serious.
"Angel, it's alright. I don't mind. Your parents seemed really happy for you. Of course, I'll go through with it." I hug him, and then kiss his cheek and he laughs again. It is a mellifluous sound.
"I guess we're already rehearsing our relationship then?"
***
Empty bubbly chapter because I love biology! (It gets devastating and angsty in the next one though!)
Also. Lowkey, but the dude I'm crushing on called me Angel yesterday and I'm kinda obsessed. Can he be my irl Rafe please?