So, is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
—Brand New, Seventy Times 7
____________________________________
JAKE
FEBRUARY
"Bath?" Jules asked me with a smirk on her face as we drove to school.
"Done. Breakfast?" I countered.
"While you were in the shower. We had some bananas and Cheerios." Jules nodded. "Her hair doesn't look like a tornado hit it," Jules said.
"Sparkly blue barrettes for the win." I shrugged. "And you made sure she had her elephant this morning?"
"No," Jules was looking out the window. I opened my mouth to protest but Jules clearly had more to say. "Elephant and giraffe. Come on, babe, they're best friends." She laughed.
"Oh, you're good." I nodded, handing Jules her coffee.
"It's taken you two-and-a-half years to finally realize that?" Jules rolled her eyes before taking a sip. "Hey, she's getting a cold."
"The giraffe?" I asked as we made a right hand turn.
"Emma."
"Oh, yeah, I know." I looked over at Jules.
"Did you give her some medicine after you did her hair?" Jules asked me.
"I gave it to her before I did her hair and yeah, it was the minty stuff next to her changing table, right?" I wanted to double check because there was more than one type of medicine next to her changing table.
"Yes." Jules took another sip.
"Yes. I. Did." I said, trying not to brag too much this early in the morning. I pulled into a parking spot.
"Wow, I'm actually impressed." Jules got out and walked around the back of my truck to meet me.
"It's Friday and you don't have anything to be angry with. Including me." I snagged her coffee and took a sip.
"Hey, you already had yours!" She protested.
"I did her hair this morning." I kissed her on the cheek before wrapping my arm around her waist and spinning her around. I set her down and pressed my forehead to hers. "Today, we are good parents." Jules wrapped her arms around the back of my neck and pulled me down towards her for a warm kiss.
I could still taste the caramel from her lips when we got to my locker three minutes later.
"Are you still gonna pick Emma up today and meet the girls for dinner?" I asked,
"Yeah, we're going to that new Thai place a few towns over." Jules applied some lip gloss, using the mirror on the inside of my locker door, the one I specifically put there so she could do just that.
"And then you'll be at A-Mart's later tonight?"
"Yep. After I drop Emma off with my parents." My mouth set into a hard line. "Babe, they miss her. My mom isn't working tonight, and my dad is cooking dinner. She'll be fine."
Jules put her hand on my chest. I put my hand on top of hers, our fingers intertwining. I moved her hand from my chest, down to my waist. Her fingers made their way through my belt loops as I pulled her closer to me.
"Fine," I said, determined not to get into this morning with Jules because everything was going so well.
"Bye, Jakey," she said staring up at me through her eyelashes.
"Bye, Jules." I kissed her quickly before one of the teachers gave me a disapproving look. Jules started to walk away, but then I saw Katie and Ava walking down the hall—well more specifically, I saw just Katie—so I pulled Jules back to me and kissed her some more. "Okay, now you can go to class," I told her.
Jules just grinned at me. "Good parents for the win." She stuck her fist out.
"Always," I fist bumped her before she turned and walked off. I turned the other way, walking off towards class.
"Ec-oh-nom-ics!" Derek said to me as he caught up.
"With Coach," I sighed as we walked into class. Thank God I'd had my coffee this morning or else I didn't think I would make it through this class.
"It's that time of the year!" Coach Hawthorne announced. "It's Project time!" Coach went into opera mode. I wondered how many cups of coffee he had this morning. I put my fist out towards Derek, keeping my eyes trained on Coach, who had added some spirit fingers to the mix. Derek fist bumped me back and tried not to laugh. Coach Hawthorne's Economics and Government class was notorious for doing a month long project on God knows what. Coach turned around, skipped over towards the board and wrote THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES.
"Vested interests!" Derek called out.
"Yes! Leighton! Yes! For once, you're right."
"I'm right in practice." Derek shrugged.
"Leighton, do you see any ice?" Coach looked around the room.
"No," Derek said just to play along.
"What about your feet? Are you wearing your skates?" Coach meandered down the aisles, making his way towards Derek.
"No, sir-ee." Derek shook his head.
"And do you got your hockey gear on?" he asked his third question as he came to stand in front of mine and Derek's table.
"Let me think about that," Derek leaned back in his seat, putting his finger on his chin. "Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with no," he said. "Final answer."
"Well then, hockey does not count!" Coach screamed at him. I put my hand on my forehead, trying to hide my face which was red from attempting to hold in my laughter. A few people in the class snickered. "So, until that bell rings at 2:13pm, I do not care if you are right in practice, or if you are right when you are standing in the lunch line. I only care if you are right in this classroom." Coach's face was approximately two inches away from Derek's.
"You got it, Coach," Derek put emphasis on 'coach' just to piss him off, which I knew would probably earn us some sprints.
"Seating charts!" Coach said when he made his way back to the front of the room. "To do The Project, we need new seating charts. Get to know other people in here. Branch out." He looked directly at Derek and me. Coach put the seating chart up on the board. "Alright, up you go, find your new seats." Coach sat down in his chair, taking a sip of his coffee.
I shot Derek a "you-totally-suck" glare. He returned my glare with an "I'm-so-sorry-bro" glance as we made our way up to the board. I found my seat, third row, second table from the left. I moved my finger across the page, trying to figure out who I would be sitting next to, and nearly fainted when I saw Katie's name. I repeated the gesture three times, hoping I had made a mistake, but the paper wasn't lying.
"No, no, no, no, no." I muttered under my breath, resting my forehead against the chalkboard.
"Roswell, go sleep somewhere else. People need to find their seats. Move!" Coach said to me, and if there weren't other people around, he would have hit me with his clipboard.
I slumped down in my new seat, having serious separation anxiety from Derek right now. Katie was already in her seat, typing away on her phone. She didn't even glance up at me. I looked over towards Derek, who was chatting with some girl. I think she was on the volleyball team, but I wasn't sure. Anyone but Katie. Anyone but Katie would have been a better partner.
"Go on, get to know your new partner. You're going to be spending a lot of time with them for the next month." Coach gave all of us a sly smile before taking another sip of his coffee.
Katie gave an audible sigh and put her phone face-down on the table. She looked up at me with those green eyes of hers and I couldn't help but smile. "Hi," I said to her softly. Katie just stared at me. I was pretty sure that she was trying to keep her jaw from dropping. "What? Never seen anyone who looks this good before?" I asked her. Katie still didn't reply, just stared at me. So I stared back.
And God, I don't think I've ever seen someone look so pretty. She looked different though. I thought back to the first time I saw her in the coffee shop; she looked so innocent in a way that could only be described as a little kid discovering the art of making the perfect snowball for the first time. 14 months later though... Katie didn't look so innocent anymore, which could be partially attributed to me, and partially attributed to Derek. Her brown hair that used to always be pulled back into a ponytail, framed her slender face and her green eyes held a spark of defiance to them. She stared back at me with a determined look on her face, like she was set on making me look away first. I wasn't going to give her that satisfaction—I couldn't. I could have stared at her forever, not speaking, just taking all of her in. But Coach had other plans.
"Alright, alright," Coach said five minutes later, causing both of us to snap out of whatever trance we were in. I scooched my chair in and Katie followed suit.
△
Party time.
Party time.
Party time.
Those words kept repeating through my head as I drove off towards A-Mart's, where I knew half of the school would be. "Yeah, Der, I'll be there soon." I said to Derek before hanging up the phone as I made a left onto A-Mart's street.
Cars lined the sidewalk, tucked in close to the curb. I parked behind the last car in the line and made my way towards A-Mart's house. I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my pants, trying to keep warm, watching as my breath dissipated into tiny crystals. God damn, it was cold out. I picked up my pace, tucking my chin down as an icy breeze of wind shook the trees around me. I saw Jules's car up ahead. She was the third car in line, right behind Ava's car. I passed the last car, thankful I would be inside soon, but then I stopped. I stopped so fast I almost pulled a muscle.
No.
I shook my head.
No. She wouldn't.
I kept walking, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. My eyes didn't lie. I turned around and ran back over to Jules's car. I pressed my face up to the cold glass, but the cold was nothing compared to seeing Emma snuggled inside her carseat, a yellow blanket haphazardly thrown across her stomach. Blue lips. Pink elephant. Blue barrettes. Blue lips.
Blue lips.
I opened the door and tucked the blanket around Emma before undoing her carseat and carrying it over to my truck. I fastened the carseat in and picked Emma up, sticking her inside my jacket. I held her close to me, feeling the cold from her body seeping into me. I could only hope my warmth was doing the same to her. I turned my truck on and put the heat on, full blast. I could feel her tiny chest rising and falling. So slowly.
"Hi, buddy," I said to her, rubbing her arms. Emma just stared up at me. She didn't cry, or move. Just stayed perfectly still in my arms. She clutched onto my shirt while trying to hold her pink elephant. "Daddy's here." I whispered to her, pulling her closer against me. "Daddy's here," I repeated. "We're gonna go home and put you in some PJs," I whispered to her. "And we're gonna wait for mommy to come home, because she has some explaining to do."
When my truck was finally a sweltering 1000 degrees, I tentatively, and very much reluctantly, placed Emma back into her carseat, wrapped her yellow blanket around her and laid my jacket over her. With one last look at Emma, I turned around and drove off. My phone rang a few minutes later.
"Jake, bro, are you hitchhiking your way over to A-Mart's, or something? Where the hell are you?" Derek asked me.
"Sorry, man, I got caught up with Emma. I can't come by tonight," I said. "I'll catch up with you on Monday," I hung up, not waiting for a response. My phone buzzed a few minutes later. I unlocked it to find a text from Calum saying "Sorry, J." Underneath that was a picture. Of Jules. Kissing Georgie. In some corner. At A-Mart's house. I chucked my phone into the cup holder and sped off towards home. My night just kept getting worse and worse.
△
Twenty minutes later, I walked through the front door. I set Emma's carseat down on the counter and undid all of the buckles. And yes, you had to be a rocket scientist to figure them out. I kept her wrapped in my jacket and walked into the living room, where I knew the fireplace would be going.
"Jake, what are you doing home?" My mom stood up from the couch, setting her book on the end table beside her. "I thought you were going out tonight."
"Yeah, me too. But Julianne left Emma in her car." I said, pulling Emma closer to me. I tried not to raise my voice because I didn't want to freak Emma out.
"Oh my," was she said. "How long was she in there?" Mom asked, pulling the hood of my jacket back to take a look at Emma.
"I don't know," I shook my head, reaching inside the jacket and under the yellow blanket to feel one of Emma's hands. "Jules and the girls went out after school to get their nails done and then they went to dinner. She was supposed to drop Emma off at her parents' house for the night." I shook my head again. "I don't know. I don't know," I said.
"Jake," my mom started.
"Mom, her lips were blue." I couldn't stop my voice from shaking.
"It's okay, Jake. Emma's okay," Mom said as she coaxed her from my arms. "Hi, sweet girl," she rocked Emma, smoothing her hair. She undid the two blue barrettes that were hanging from a few strands of Emma's hair.
"She didn't cry. Why didn't cry? Why isn't she crying? Why isn't she freaking out?" The words rushed out of my mouth.
Mom looked away from Emma and up at me. "Because you were there, Jake. Her daddy was there. That's all she needed," Mom said to me. "That's all Emma will ever need in life is for you to be there for her." Mom made small circles on her back and Emma just tucked her head underneath mum's chin.
I sighed, rubbing my eyes.
"Here, why don't you go put Emma in some PJs and I'll warm a bottle up for her." Mom handed Emma back to me, and I felt my arms curl around her like a reflex. I nodded and walked off down the hall towards Emma's room.
"You warm yet, Emms? Hm?" I asked as I unwrapped the jacket and the yellow blanket before setting her on her changing table.
I picked out a pair of white footy PJs with blue snowflakes all over them. I hastily took off Emma's little jeans, pink shirt, and pink onesie, changed her diaper, and quickly dressed her in her PJs. I snapped the buttons together and handed her her pink elephant again. I ran a brush through Emma's light brown hair and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Emma reached out for me. I stood her up on her changing table, readjusting her PJs that were all bunched up around her shoulders and then scooped her up. "I got you, buddy," I said as we made our way back into the kitchen and where Mom was waiting with a warm bottle and plenty of kisses.
△
I sat on my bed, waiting for Julianne to come home. It was 3am and I knew she would climbing through my window any minute now. I heard a truck rumbling outside and felt my stomach sink. I looked out the window to see Jules climb out, wave to the driver who didn't have any headlights on, then she scampered across my front lawn. I watched as the truck drove off wordlessly. I knew that truck. I'd seen that truck before. I sat back down on my bed as I heard my window slide up. Jules climbed through, bringing in a frosty gust of wind with her.
"Hi, Jakey," she smiled at me with flushed cheeks.
"Close the window." I ordered, before going back to stare at the hardwood floor.
I felt the mood change as Jules silently walked back over to my window and shut it. I heard the lock click moments later. I wanted to tell her to leave it unlocked, because I knew she would be leaving as soon as we had this conversation. Jules walked back across my room, and came to stand in front of me.
"Where were you tonight?" Jules asked me.
"Taking care of Emma." I said, finally looking up at her.
Jules gave me a puzzled look. "What do you mean? Did you go hang out with my parents tonight, or something?" Jules didn't follow.
"No, because Emma never even made it to your house." I told her in a sickly sweet voice.
Jules cocked her head the right and crossed her arms. "What are you talking about Jake? I dropped Emma off after dinner."
"Are you sure about that?" I stood up. Jules thought for a moment and opened her mouth to speak, but I wasn't done yet. "Because I found her in the backseat of your car earlier tonight." I dropped the first bomb on her.
"Jake, that's ridiculous." Jules laughed.
"Yeah, finding your daughter in the backseat of her mother's car with blue lips sure is ridiculous." I nodded. Jules's mouth formed into a small o. "So while you were off partying in a warm house, Emma was shivering in your car, in the middle of fucking February!" I growled at her. "Do you know how goddamned cold it is?" I rose my voice.
"Jake it was an accident," she said to me.
"An accident is when you spill milk. An accident is when you forget to turn your homework in. An accident is when you forget to turn off the bathroom light," I said pacing around the room. "Leaving our child in the car when it's negative bajillion degrees outside is not an accident!"
"Jake—" Jules started but I cut her off.
"Emma could have died, Julianne! Does that part register in your brain?" I tapped the side of her head with my pointer finger. A small tear slipped down her cheek as my voice cracked.
We stood in silence for a few minutes.
"So, whose truck did you just get out of?" I asked.
"What?" My question caught her off guard.
"Who dropped you off just now?" I rephrased the question and then went back to my pacing.
"Georgie..." Jules trailed off.
"Why were you in Georgie's truck? Huh?"
"Just hanging out. We're friends, you know," Jules said, her voice wavering.
I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and showed her the picture. "Yeah, it sure looks like you are friends," I said as Jules snatched the phone away from me. "Pretty good friends if you ask me." I shrugged, before stuffing my hands into my pockets.
"Where did you get this picture?" Jules looked away from the phone and up at me.
"Does it even matter?" I sighed. "But I do think you have some explaining to do," I said as I gently took the phone back from her.
Jules put her hands on her head, grabbing fistfuls of hair. "Alright, so I kissed him... big deal." She let her arms fall back down to her side.
"That's called cheating, Sweetheart," I said. "And from the looks of it, you guys seem pretty cozy and comfortable together. How long?" I asked her.
"How long what?" Jules repeated my question, shooting me a deadly dangerous look.
"How long have you been cheating on me with Georgie?" I yelled at her, unable to contain my anger any longer. Bomb number two.
"A while," Jules retorted with a gleam in her eyes.
"Why?" I asked her.
"You were always busy with hockey. Like 24/7, Jake. You never made time for me," Jules said to me in a small voice.
I put my hand to my forehead. "Good to know that Georgie, the other hockey player in your life, was able to make time for you." I sneered at her. "Seeing as we have the same hockey schedule and all."
"He was there when you weren't." Jules gave me the most innocent look in the world.
"Did you sleep with him?" I asked, though I already knew the answer.
When Jules looked away from me, I knew I had found my answer.
"Jesus Christ, Julianne..." I shook my head. "Out of all the guys you could have fucked... him?" I pointed towards the window, even though I knew Georgie's truck wasn't there anymore. Jules didn't look up at me. "Is she even mine?" I asked Jules.
"What?"
"Emma," I said. "Is she mine?" I asked through gritted teeth. Bomb number three.
"Of course she's yours!" Jules shouted at me, and I heard Emma's whimpers crackling through the baby monitor.
"Are you sure about that? Because you've been fucking that little prick for a while now, haven't you?"
"She's yours, Jake," Jules answered me in warning tone.
"How do I know that?" I crossed my arms.
"Because I said so," Jules turned her back on me, starting to walk away. I grabbed her wrist and yanked her back towards me, before shoving her up against a wall. My face was two inches away from hers and the alcohol on her breath was enough to make anyone lightheaded.
"I want a paternity test." I growled into her face. Bomb number four.
"Fine." Jules tried to wriggle out of my grasp, but I only held her to the wall harder.
"Do you understand?" I ground out each syllable.
"Yes," she gave an exasperated sigh. "Now get off of me." I let her push me off.
Jules started walking back towards the window. "Where are you going?" I asked, even though I didn't care.
"To stay with my Aunt and Uncle."
"You can't just ditch town!" Emma's whimpers had turned into cries.
"Watch me," Jules unlocked my window.
"You have a kid, remember?" I asked her.
"Yeah, one that I never wanted." Another tear slid down Jules's cheek.
"So you're just gonna leave her?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing right now. "You really are a piece of work, you know that?" I said.
"Jake, I can't raise a kid." She shook her head at me.
"So you expect me to take care of Emma all by myself?" I yelled.
"You'll be fine," Jules said to me, like she was wishing me good luck on a test.
"I should have broken up with you a while ago." I sighed.
"But you stayed cause I was pregnant." Jules guessed.
"That was the only reason." I glared at her.
"Well, congratulations, Emma is all yours, Jakey." Jules shook her head at me before climbing out of the window.
"You're a coward."
Jules turned back towards me. "Yeah, maybe, but I'm getting my life back," she said before walking off.
"Don't do this, Julianne!" I called after her, but it was no use. She was gone. I looked out the window to see Georgie's truck pull up once more, this time with headlights. I watched Jules climb in and Georgie drive off.
And then it was just me. All alone in my bedroom. With nothing but Emma's cries bouncing off of my walls. I stared aimlessly out the window for a few minutes, expecting Jules to come walking across my lawn any minute, but that never happened. Finally, Emma's screams pulled me out of my trance. I walked into her room, my eyes quickly adjusting to the darkness, the only light creeping up her pink walls was from her nightlight. Her screams instantly stopped once I picked her up out of her crib. She snuggled into me, burying her face into my shirt.
"Looks like it's just me and you now, buddy."