March 12th.
Maddie's POV:
Ever since I uploaded on Monday, I've been filming a week in my life and that's been a lot of work. And next week I have to film a day in my life for Vogue so I'm really looking forward to that.
Today's kinda chill, I have to unbox PR and film it and I have a nail appointment. Billie's filming on Saturday so she's preparing for that, Kenzie's here and we're having a fitting because I have two magazine shoots next week.
I had a photoshoot with Holden a few days ago, that was a lot of fun. I say it every time, but I really love shooting with him.
Via Instagram:
Liked by: photosbyholden, billieeilish, and 9,152,025 others.
madisonvoyage: i loved this fit @photosbyholden
billieeilish: look at your smile
madisonvoyage: @billieeilish i wuv you
billieeilish: @madisonvoyage i wuv you more!
I was sitting on the couch in my glam room with Kenzie, she had way too many racks of clothes. But I'm really looking forward to the shoots I have coming up.
Maddie: "So what are the shoot articles about?"
Kenzie: "One's about hate and one's about your parents."
Maddie: "I'm sorry, huh?"
Kenzie: "They wanna know where you come from."
Maddie: "I don't come from them, I made myself. Why would you book that? You know how I feel about that whole topic."
Kenzie: "What's your fear about that whole thing?"
Maddie: "I don't have a fear, the only person I have told every little detail to is Billie. Because I trust her with my life, I don't trust everyone in the world."
Kenzie: "But if you told the world then you wouldn't have anything to worry about."
Maddie: "I don't wanna tell the world, because there's information that could get people in trouble and as much as I was hurt in the process of it all I would never want anything to happen to anyone. And I just don't want that kind of information out to the world, I wanna keep that private. And it took me so fucking long to admit everything to Billie and I thought that she would leave, I don't wanna lose fans because of this, I wanna be a role model for my fans- no, the answers no."
Kenzie: "Okay, I'm sorry for even booking it. I feel like you used to live dwelling on the past, but now I feel like you look forward to the future."
Maddie: "Yeah because I'm happy, and for three months of my life I had to relive everything to tell Billie."
Kenzie just looked at me, I know she didn't mean it and I'm not mad at her either. Yeah, it threw me off guard, but she didn't mean any harm.
Maddie: "If you fuck up my career in any way, I will beat your ass."
Kenzie: "I know, and they didn't tell me what the interview would be about if they did. I wouldn't have accepted it, I would never put you on blast like that."
Maddie: "I know."
Kenzie: "I'mma head to the studio, and pick up some more outfits and I'll be back later."
Maddie: "Okay."
Via Instagram:
Liked by: billieeilish, claudiasulewski, and 7,201,532 others.
madisonvoyage: new set @nailsbyelle
claudiasulewski: aww they're pretty, just like you
madisonvoyage: @claudiasulewski stop it 🥺
I turned off my phone, besides that meeting I had with Kenzie I don't have much else to do. I have to open a shit ton of PR though, but that's easy, I mean I complain about it a lot. But opening PR is one of the easier things I have to do.
Billie should be back whenever. I made my way up to the glam room and started unboxing everything. I don't like posting it on my story just because it takes a long time to make it look cute.
Even though I'm not mad at Kenzie or anything, it really threw me off guard. I don't know, I just wasn't expecting it. Like at all.
I was about to open the final box of PR I had and I heard the garage open, meaning that Billie was back. So Milo made her way down the stairs to greet her.
Billie: "Aw hi Milo, how was your day? Shorty I'm home!"
I walked down the stairs and gave her a hug, she kissed the top of my head.
Billie: "You good?"
Maddie: "Mhm, today's just been a lot kind of."
Billie: "Aw what happened?"
Maddie: "I met with Kenzie today and she told me about the magazine interviews that I have scheduled. And in one of the interviews, they want me to talk about my parents."
Billie: "Are you gonna do it?"
Maddie: "I didn't give Kenzie a direct answer, I kinda yelled at her and now I feel bad about it."
Billie: "You shouldn't feel bad about it, she booked it and she knows how badly it affected you."
Maddie: "She didn't know what the interview was about until after she accepted it, so I don't blame her for this."
Billie: "Do you wanna do it?"
Maddie: "No, but they're my fans, they deserve to know what makes me who I am."
Billie: "Okay, I love that so many people support you. And I love your fans but fuck your fans when it comes to that. That is your personal life and they're not a part of your personal life."
Maddie: "Yeah, but like they deserve to know what made me."
Billie: "That didn't make you, you don't base yourself off that."
Maddie: "But it shaped me to be this..."
Billie: "No, I refuse to let you open up to the world because the world doesn't deserve to know you like that."
Maddie: "But I need to be honest."
Billie: "You are, you're not lying about anything because they don't know anything about the topic."
Maddie: "They ask a lot, on my YouTube."
Billie: "It's not my place to tell you what to do, I love you and you know that. But I'm not going to sit here and comfort you when you're stressed the fuck out because I saw how stressed you were when you told me. I didn't ask you to do that, you did that purely on your own. They're asking about because they know something is... different. So if you really wanna do it, let me rephrase that, if YOU really wanna do that. I'm not going to stop you, but deep down I know you don't wanna do that. Because you were scared that you were gonna lose me, I'm one person, but millions of people are going to read that magazine."
Maddie: "I don't care if they choose to leave me over my fucked up past, because I value your opinion and your acceptance over everyone else's because I have never cared so much about a person."
Billie rolled her eyes, "I'm going to talk calmly because I am kind of irritated okay?"
Maddie: "Okay."
Billie: "You drove yourself crazy for months to tell me that, and we only grew from there and now we're both happy as hell, we're passed it. We're good, and for that magazine interview you have to sit there and tell them what happened and they're going to write something like 'Madison Voyage wiped her cheek as a single tear slipped out of her left eye.' Or some shit like that."
Maddie: "But if I don't do it, it's going to get out that I ditched the interview."
Billie: "I honestly don't care, you don't deserve to go through that again."
I looked down at the ground because she has way too many valid points. I do feel pressured to do this, I really don't wanna do this because she's right, I really put myself through hell when I told her and I don't wanna relive that.
Billie: "Are you gonna do it?"
Maddie: "No, I don't wanna relive that."
Billie: "I'm sorry for like yelling, but like yeah."
Maddie: "I know, you're fine. How'd your day go?"
Billie: "It was irritating, but I'm just glad that it's over and I get to be here with you." She smiled.
I smiled back at her.
Maddie: "I love you."
Billie: "I love you too shorty."
Maddie: "I have more PR to open."
Billie: "Okay, I'll be up."
Billie walked towards the kitchen and I walked up the stairs, my phone was dying so I walked into my room to get my charger. I plugged my phone in and I got some storage boxes out of the closet, to organize the PR.
Billie walked in with Milo and sat on the couch, Milo jumped up there to lay with her.
Billie: "You remember a while ago when I said that there was another fashion show? Yeah well, it's next week."
Maddie: "How come you know about it and I don't?"
Billie: "I don't really know, there's nothing really special about it. I mean I'm going to be there to support you."
Maddie: "Aww, you're gonna be there?"
Billie: "Of course, I gotta be there to see you walk. I think the reason that I knew so much about it is that they made it work with my schedule."
Maddie: "You're cute."
Billie: "You're cuter."
Maddie: "Not cuter than you."
Billie: "I'm not doing this with you." She laughed.
Maddie: "Why not?" I asked in a baby voice.
Billie: "Because no one would win that argument."
Maddie: "I guess you're right."
Billie: "Are you ready for New York?"
Maddie: "I'm excited as fuck for it. I miss New York."
Billie: "Finneas and Claudia are coming to the fashion show in New York."
Maddie: "Really?"
Billie: "My parents would come too, but they're going to be in Florida the day of, making sure everything's fine."
Maddie: "Okay."
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hi, i saw all your comments and messages. they made me feel a lot better, im doing significantly better. i could be doing better, but im happy with the progress i have made.
updates are still gonna be slow cause i still don't feel confident with what im writing.
i started school 🤮
thanks ily sm!
words: 1692.