CHAPTER 31- Sorry
Demi's POV
We were halfway home when Nick leaned over and grabbed my hand, "I need to talk to you about something."
I looked up, my body feeling as though it had been injected with ice at the scared look on his face. "What is it?"
He sighed, "Please don't be mad, because I'd brought it up to your team and management and they all agreed with me for your mental health to keep it from you until you got here."
I inhaled sharply, "Just tell me Nick."
He took a deep breath, "Mac.. Uhm.. She's been a bit quiet since you visited that night."
I could feel my stomach twisting into a knot and closed my eyes, "Specify 'quiet' please."
He looked down, "She hasn't spoken since then."
I felt tears coming to my eyes as I buried my head into my hands, "What the fuck Nick?! How could I not be angry?! You LIED directly to me! All of you did! I'm a terrible mother of my fucking God."
Nick shook his head and touched my back, "Demi you're not-"
"Don't touch me." I spit at him, "And don't you dare fucking lie to me. The only reason my management told you to keep it quiet was because they knew that if I found out I'd cancel the tour and everything, and they wouldn't get their fucking pay check. I'm so hurt by this Nick. You're supposed to be on my side, not theirs. You're supposed to be the one who I can trust not to lie to me. But I found out you've been lying to me this entire time? And about my daughter no less? How the hell am I supposed to trust anything you say anymore?"
Nick hung his head and swallowed hard, "They told me that you'd be wreck, that you would beg to see her and canceling the tour would only make it worse for you, so I said I'd keep it quiet, but that if anything happened to Mac I'd tell you right away. I'm so sorry Demi. I'm so fucking sorry."
I just shook my head and looked out of the window for the remaining ride, praying that once I got home Mac would snap out of it and go back to being her normal self. At last, we pulled into the driveway and I jumped out of the car, walking fast to the front door where I let myself in.
"Demi?" I turned to see Marissa standing there, a huge smile on her face as she rushed towards me with open arms.
The reminder that she too had lied to me was fresh in my mind so I stepped away, "Where is my daughter?"
Marissa froze and looked behind me at Nick, "She's in her room. Demi I'm so-"
I held up my hand and walked past her, not in the mood for apologies as I knocked on the door of Mac's room. A few seconds later, it opened slowly and Mac stood there. surprise obvious on her face. I sunk down to my knees, fighting to keep from crying as she stared at me, no emotion on her adorable face.
"Babygirl." I whispered, and bit my lip, "I missed you so much."
Then, she slammed the door in my face, locking it tightly behind her.
I leaned my forehead on it, "No." I pressed my palms to the wood as tears rolled down my face, "No! Mac please baby let me in! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
I felt Nick wrap his arms around my waist and pick me up off of the floor, carrying me bridal style off to the bedroom where I curled into a ball and sobbed against his chest. Eventually, I couldn't cry anymore and just dry heaved, taking shuddering breaths in and out as Nick rubbed my back, whispering soothing assurances into my ear.
"Demi you need to calm down baby, crying like this and getting yourself all worked up won't fix anything. Now come on, breathe." He said, and took my face in his hand, "Breathe."
My lower lip quivered and I looked up miserably into his eyes, "She hates me."
Nick shook his head, "No she doesn't. She's just confused and scared. It's normal given the situation. Demi I'm so sorry I didn't see it playing out like this. I thought once she saw you it'd all get better. I'll never go against my instinct and listen to your management again."
I nodded and pushed my face into his shoulder and let out a shaky breath, "I don't want to fight with you anymore. I just want to sleep. but I can't sleep if she's still mad at me. I don't know but I know I won't be able to fall asleep unless it's me passing out from exhaustion."
Nick sighed, "I'll go talk to her to get her to open the door, and then you can go in."
He moved to get up but I grabbed his shirt, pulling him down and snuggling into him, "In a few minutes, I just want you to hold me for a little while. I just need to be held."
Nick smiled a bit and wrapped me up in his arms, holding me securely to his chest where I instantly felt safe and loved. After a few minutes, I sighed and sat up.
"Okay, now I'm ready."
Nick smiled and stood, grabbing my hand and leading me to Mac's door where he knocked.
"Mac? It's Dada. Baby I have something for you can you please open the door?" We waited until I heard tiny footsteps coming to us and the door cracked open. I stood against the side so she didn't see me until she opened it wide enough for me to fit through and I stepped in, shutting the door behind me as her eyes widened.
"Mackenzie." I whispered, as she walking backwards, climbing onto the bed and pulling her knees into her chest when I sat on the edge. I twisted my fingers together and stayed there for a couple minutes in silence, I looked up at her and my heart broke as I saw the emotionless expression that replicated the first night she spent with me after I adopted her.
"Mac? I want you to know that I'm sorry babygirl. I'm so sorry and I'm going to try my best to make it up to you. I'm never gonna leave you babe, not permanently, I'll always be your mom and I'm sorry you thought otherwise."
Mac kept silent, staring at me with the same numb face. I felt a tear trickle down my face and I quickly rubbed it away. not wanting her to see me cry.
"Because I love you so much and I know you don't believe me when I say that I'd give it all up for you baby. You're my world and everything that I think about. I didn't want to leave you, I promise I didn't. I'm just so sorry."
Mac continued to stare at me with blank eyes and I tentatively shifted forward, she didn't move, but i saw something in her eyes flash as she scrambled back until her butt hit the headboard. I sighed and moved back a bit.
"Baby you know I'm not going to send you back, right? You're staying here with me." Mac didn't move and I sighed, "Okay then, you can talk when you're ready. But please know that I love you so much more than anything in the world. I'm gonna lay out some clothes for you, and run a bath okay? We're gonna have fun today."
I bit my lip as again she kept silent, and walked into the bathroom that was connected to her room. I shut the door behind me and looked into the mirror, wiping my cheeks and splashing my face with water as I tried not to go into full hysterics. After I got my shit together, I ran the bath water and filled up the tub, then walked back out to where Mac was. She hadn't moved on the bed, but once I walked in she looked up, her face going blank again. I reached down for her and she was stiff in my arms as I walked to the bathroom. I helped her undress, then climb into the tub, and kneeled down, grabbing a pitcher to wash her long brown hair. She just sat there, not absentmindedly playing with the bubbles as she usually did, as I shampooed and conditioned her head.
"You're gonna need a haircut soon baby." I murmured, lifting her mane of hair out of the water and rubbing it between my fingers, "It's getting so long."
I was true, she hadn't had a haircut since I had adopted her, which was almost a year ago. My breath caught in my throat as I realized the year anniversary that I had adopted her was in just a few weeks. A lump formed in my throat, what if she didn't forgive me by then? What if she didn't want to stay with me anymore? Could I not even make it a year as a mom? I shook my head as I lathered a washcloth with kid's soap and tapped her shoulder.
"Let's get that face clean." She closed her eyes and mouth as I gently rubbed the washcloth over her face and neck, then wiped it clean. "Okay now stand up." She stood up and I quickly wrapped a towel around her, knowing that she had a thing with being exposed around people, even me. I rubbed the towel around her and then walked her out to the closet and picked out a cute outfit and helped her change. I knelt down so I was eye level to her and smoothed out her brushed out hair, then leaned in and kissed her forehead.
"I love you so much baby, I'm so sorry."
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