Chapter Nineteen
I groaned, yanking the sheets over my head. "Make it stop!" I whined.
"It's your phone," Tyler laughed.
"Turn it off," I grumbled, cuddling into his naked chest. He continued to laugh but the loud ringing stopped.
"It's Enzo calling," he told me. I scoffed in disbelief, tossing the sheets back down. Then I snatched the phone from him.
"What do you want? It's early," I growled. "And I'm so pissed with you for so many reasons if you haven't forgotten."
"Why the hell is Lily at The Boarding House?" He questioned, just as angry as me.
"How do you know Lily?"
"I asked you first."
"Who is that?" I heard a girl ask on his end of the phone. "Is she my family too?"
"Enzo!" I snapped. "Is that Sarah? My niece?!"
"Stefan's niece," he corrected. "Where are you? Come meet me please. I'm telling her the truth about vampires and her family. I'll explain how I know Lily AKA the most dreadful person I have ever met."
"Wh—?" I was mid-question when the British asshole hung up on me. "Unbelievable," I mused.
"Forget him, lay back down," Tyler said, voice still raspy from sleep. His hands, tugging on my waist. I pushed them away gently. As much as I loved sleep and wanted to lay back down. I was afraid this was more important.
"I can't. Enzo knows Lily somehow. Despite how sketchy he is, I trust him. He called her the most dreadful person he has ever met. Him throwing a red flag is something I really need to look into," I said.
"Rain check on breakfast again?"
I sighed, "sorry."
"It's cool. I'll hit you up later, dude."
"Dude?" I scoffed and he waved me off. Then he turned slightly, pulling the sheets further up his body and going back to sleep with ease.
I quietly, changed back into my clothes, leaving him the ones I slept in. Then I headed to my dorm for a shower and clean clothes.
"Bonnie?" I questioned shocked, frozen in my own doorway. She was laying in my bed, phone in her hands. Awfully comfortable for someone uninvited here. "What are you doing here?" I asked her as she met my gaze with her own set of wide eyes.
"I needed a place to sleep. I was going to take the floor but you weren't even here so..." she trailed off, smirking at me. I blushed, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind me. "Seems everyone got some last night... well, everyone but me."
"What?" I scoffed. "No."
"I walked in on Damon and Elena making out and getting hot and heavy in his kitchen. He and I spoke then I decided to leave so they could continue. And... um..." she trailed off, biting her lip.
"What?" I frowned.
"I don't want to upset you. I don't know if I should even be the one to tell you this... but, I mean... you were with someone else too right?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" I snapped, crossing my arms and glaring. My anger not even for her. But I didn't like where this was going.
"Caroline and Stefan... I found them under sheets in front of the fireplace in our dorm... naked upper bodies," she spilled.
I blinked a few times, shocked. Goosebumps littered my whole body. And a chill went down my spine, causing me to stand up more straight—stiffer. "What the hell did you just say?" I whispered, deadly tone.
"B-but you... you were out all night too."
I nodded. She was right. But my quick, meaningless hookups with Tyler were different. Caroline and Stefan were closer friends. Emotionally closer. And she was in love with him. He was on the fence about her for weeks. They had no humanity but if he didn't care about anything how could he care about her, enough to have sex with her?!
Now my whole body felt like it was on fire. So I stormed into my ensuite without another word. I cut the shower on, set the water to as cold as it would get. As if that would drown out the rage in me or wash away my sudden murderous desire.
***
An hour later I was at a diner in Mystic Falls to meet Enzo. After a shower, a change of clothes, and ripping photos of Stefan and I off my wall and in half. I was furious. Livid. Jealous.
I tried telling myself I had no right to be. I slept with Tyler. But still, it didn't matter. I was bothered by the idea of my husband sleeping with that... that man stealing skank!
I walked inside the diner, empty besides an elderly couple in the back. I frowned then. Where the hell was this idiot? This was important. I needed to know what he knew about Lily. Preferably before Damon and I had her go approach Stefan. Cause we might need to send that bitch back to 1903 and leave her their to rot if there were any complications.
I called Enzo while ordering myself a milkshake while I waited. No answer. So I called again. "I can't stand you. Answer you damn phone, mate. I'm here. At the diner. Where are you?" I asked irritated, leaving him a voicemail.
I pulled my phone from my ear, pressing the button to hang up. Simultaneously my phone buzzed in my hand. A text. From Jo. "People are being attacked at Whitmore. Coming in left and right," it read.
Stefan and Caroline. Fuck. I sent Enzo a text to call me so we can meet and talk later cause I had to go back to the school ASAP. On the way out the diner with my milkshake, I called my twin. "Hey, what's up?" She answered.
"Jo texted."
"Yeah, she texted me too. I just left Damon's to meet her at the hospital."
"Good. I'm in the middle of nowhere in Mystic Falls. You'll probably beat me there... Hey, how's Lily?" I asked her.
"Great. She made us breakfast," she said. "Then I ran out the door after Jo's text. Why?"
"Just wondering," I mumbled. "Ugh, breakfast sounds so good. I've missed food three times now."
"Well, I can handle the hospital for now. You go eat. I'll see you whenever you get there," she laughed.
"Alright, thanks," I chuckled. We then hung up and I used my GPS to get me to the boarding house. When I got there I could hear Damon and Lily's voices, coming from the kitchen. I grinned then. There may still be food. Yes!
"Well, I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I'm just not used to hearing other voices," I heard Lily say and I snorted.
"Really?" Damon replied. That was his tone of astonishment, and not in a good way.
"I couldn't help but listen. And, it's not every day that one hears something so rare as a cure for vampirism."
I came to a sudden halt. What the hell did she just say? A cure for vampirism? But there's no way. We gave that to Silas to kill him.
"Well, let's not bring this up to anyone else, okay?" Damon suggested quietly.
"You mean, don't bring it up with Elena."
"I don't even know if she wants the cure."
My jaw was on the floor. I stood so still to remain completely silent. I guess neither of them heard me come in. Or were paying attention.
"But you fear she might, and that if you give it to her, you'll lose her," Lily said. "We're more alike than you care to admit, Damon. Neither of us can bear the thought of being alone."
"Damon will never be alone," I spoke up, finally heading into the kitchen. "He has me to keep kicking his ass."
"Kenzie," he frowned, standing up from the table.
"You have the cure?" I questioned, crossing my arms. He opened and closed his mouth for a second before nodding slowly.
"I'll just see myself out," Lily mumbled. But I didn't even bother giving her a glance. My eyes solely on Damon.
"How could you not tell me?" I asked.
"Bonnie just gave it to me last night," he said.
"Wait. What? Bonnie?" I questioned confused now.
"In the 1994 prison world, I mapped it out to go get the cure. That's why I said the Atlas would show Bonnie how to save herself. The magic and cure were on the island. I was... I wanted it for Elena. Because I didn't know how well she could handle being a vampire. And well, Bonnie ended up going to the island to use the tombstone to get magic, but she also grabbed the cure for me."
I nodded slowly, still processing. I sat down at the table, frowning at the empty plates. Damn. I missed the food? On cue my stomach grumbled.
"And now you're not sure if you're going to give Elena the cure?" I mumbled quietly.
"You think she wants it?" He asked, sitting back down so we were across from each other.
"She never really wanted to be a vampire," I said, speaking slowly. The cure. For Elena to take. It made sense. I secretly had always wanted to be a vampire. To spend eternity with Stefan. But now... "Because she wanted kids. But she has Maverick already so, I'm not sure."
"I'm going to have to tell her and ask her, huh?" He sighed and I slowly nodded.
"I'm sure she'll take it," I said, standing up suddenly. I needed to get out of here.
"Whoa, what's the rush?"
"I came for food. It's gone now. And... and I need to go um, find some."
"Okay," he said but I was already quickly rushing out the room. The cure meant normal lives. No more blood, the deliciousness of human taste buds. It meant aging, growing old together. Being able to have children, creating a big family. But it also meant losing the perks of being a vampire. And I wasn't sure what mattered more. Regular food which I still partially enjoyed and the possibility of giving Stefan everything he wanted—a family and being human again... Or being strong, having forever together. All assuming I'd have Stefan.
***
"Hey," I greeted Elena at the hospital as she was walking away from a patient.
"Hey, you okay? You look... sick," my twin frowned whilst giving me a quick hug.
"I'm fine... just stressed is all," I said.
"Hey, Kenzie," Jo chimed in and I jumped. Both women gave me funny looks then. "Um, Elena how is our patient over there doing?" She asked my twin, nodding in the direction Elena just came from with a guy on a hospital bed.
"He's unconscious, but I gave him some of my blood, and his vitals have stabilized," Elena said quietly.
Jo sighed, "The more these victims pile up, the harder it is to hide the reason they're here."
"Yeah, I know. That's why I'm hoping that Damon and his mom find them soon," Elena said.
"Damon and Lily are going to see Stefan now?" I questioned shocked.
"Yeah, he just texted like two minutes ago," my sister said and I rolled my eyes. Of course. And he didn't tell me. But maybe it was best if I wasn't there so Stefan could focus on seeing his mom.
"I'm sorry, did you just say Damon's mom? Isn't she dead?" Jo questioned, eyes wide as saucers.
Elena and I both shared a look. I guess no one has filled her in yet. Shit. Elena grabbed her gently by the arm and pulled her to the side. "No," Elena informed her. "She was trapped in a 1903 prison world, where Kai is currently trapped...?"
Jo gasped, "Kai is in a 1903 prison world?!"
"I'm sorry, has nobody told you this?" Elena asked and she shook her head.
"I'm on hour thirteen of a twelve hour shift. Maybe someone could have shot me a text?" Jo quipped.
"Sorry," we both responded.
"So, Kai's gone?" Jo asked.
I smiled, "yup. As in for good."
Jo sighed in relief. But what caught my attention was her hands cupping her stomach. One thought came to mind.
"That's amazing news! That's really amazing news," Jo mused, discreetly rubbing her belly.
"You're pregnant," I blurted out before I could stop myself. My eyes glued to her hands on her stomach.
A soft giggle came from the woman and Elena gasped. "Are you?" My twin grinned, one hand over her mouth as Jo nodded, also grinning.
Not me. I couldn't believe someone was pregnant. First it was Elena and now Jo. Why did that bother me? I was so excited to be an aunt. But that what was when the idea of me being pregnant disgusted me.
"I was wondering why you switched to decaf, especially while working a thirteen-hour shift," Elena chuckled teasingly.
"The last thing this baby needs is an Uncle Psychopath," Jo replied, still basking in the relief of Kai being gone.
"You and Alaric are having a baby," I stated, but it sounded like I was questioning it. I was just trying to wrap my mind around it and try the words on my lips. But it still didn't bring me any joy. The old me was terrified I would be a bad mother. But other women like Jo and Elena having babies, that was something to be excited about. Jo would be an amazing mother, Elena was already great. And if she took the cure the odds were she would have more kids. And... all I would have is a husband giving them sad, longing stares. He wanted that. Rubbing the belly, feeling the kicks, having babies.
And it made me mad I couldn't give it to him. I just told him we would have kids. We would adopt. I was going to be a mom one day. I mean, I've been so good with Maverick. And I was starting to want a baby of my own. To have my fairytale. I wanted to be happily married and stable—
"Kenzie?" Elena called, snapping in my face to pull me away from my thoughts.
"Huh?" I uttered. "Oh, sorry. Spaced out." I then forced a smile at Jo, going to hug her. "Jo, this is..." I trailed off, gulping while trying to think of words to say that didn't feel like a lie. "This is amazing. I'm so happy for you!"
A small part of me was happy for her and Ric. They would be great parents. But right now I was selfish and jealous. Because wouldn't Stefan and I be fantastic parents? More him than me, obviously. I wasn't exactly maternal. But I was capable of taking care of a child, right? Loving one and being there for them forever.
"Are you okay?" Elena whispered, nudging me softly, again pulling me from my mental tangents. I blinked a few times to see Jo had walked off to do her rounds. It was just the two of us standing alone.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, forcing another smile. "I'm just tired. And hungry."
"I thought you ate before you came here."
"I got caught up with something else," I told her, not bothering to explain. I couldn't tell her I missed breakfast with Damon but found out he had a cure for vampirism that would give someone a happy little human life. And the someone it could be was her. "Let's get to work," I added, walking away.
Ugh, what is wrong with me?
I walked off quickly, smiling politely at doctors passing by. I needed to find Jo to give something to do to keep me busy. I didn't want to think about cures, babies, or Stefan meeting his mom.
"There's plenty to do," Jo sighed when I asked where to start after changing into uniform. She then started lead me down the hall. "Judging by the victims, they started at the library, they took out a couple security guards near the football field, and then they wandered over to the movie theater."
I sighed, exasperated. This isn't helping me not think about Stefan. We were talking about him! "You know what the most shocking part of all this is? I'm not shocked!" I scoffed.
"Doctor 101. Becoming desensitized goes with the territory," Jo shrugged.
"Actually, the reason why I'm not shocked is because I've been in their shoes, and I was just as bad. And this is all just one big, horrible reminder that there's always going to be a part of me that's capable of doing what they're doing," I said. "Hell, I'm so frustrated these days I'm probably just one more major incident away from turning it off myself."
Jo grabbed me by my arm and gave me a sympathetic smile. "You're not gonna let that happen. You're gonna be too busy running your small-town family practice and curing little Stevie from the chicken pox."
"For a while, maybe, until little Stevie becomes teenage Steven and I haven't aged a day," I scoffed.
Besides I wasn't even sure that was my dream. That was Elena's for us. And this medical stuff was working out for me for now. But I don't know if I really want to be a doctor. I mean, I thought about being a therapist... but was I capable? I'm not sure if I'm even stable.
"Have you told anyone about this?" She frowned.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Like Stefan... I saw how you reacted when you found out I was pregnant."
My mouth opened and closed, speechless and ashamed. "I'm sorry—"
"And the next eternity of your life flashed before your eyes, and it scared the hell out of you," she said and I winced.
"I'm just happy for you and Alaric," I told her, trying to brush this off. Because it was true. The future scared me. It never used to be this blurry. It was supposed to be Stefan and I against the world, forever. Adopt a few kids, settle down out of Mystic Falls, and then when the kids were older travel. Everywhere. He was going to show me the world.
"Alaric, who used to be a vampire, now is a human having a kid. Have you discussed this with your fiancé?" Jo questioned.
"Discussed what?" Someone asked. Jo and I turned to see Elena staring at us suspiciously.
"Kenzie wanting kids. Missing being human... maybe," Jo said.
"I don't miss it, I don't want kids. I don't have Stefan. It's all fine. I'm fine," I lied, walking past both of them.
"Okay," I heard Jo mumble as I was rushing down the hall.
My phone buzzed loudly with a text. I checked it, hoping it was Enzo getting back to me. And maybe free to meet now. Then we could get food and talk. That'll be a good distraction. No. It was Tyler.
"Scull bar. Help. Hurry," it read. I furrowed my brows in confusion. What was going on there? Well, at least it's a distraction.
"Alright, Ty, stop. He will kill you," I heard Matt's voice as I was cautiously approaching the back entrance to scull bar ten minutes after he texted. I was walking as fast as I can but I'm still slow and my legs aren't that long. "Stefan, he's sorry."
That's when I froze. Stefan? What the hell was going on? I placed my hand on the door handle, ready to face this bullshit head on. But then there was the devil, "Haha! See that little vein in his forehead? I used to think it was so sexy, but now I'm pretty sure it's just all the blood leaving his brain," Caroline cackled. Bleh.
"Screw you, Caroline," Tyler spat as I finally pulled the door open as quietly as possible. "Come on. Either of you, come at me!"
"Ty, stop!" Matt shouted as I took in the scene. Tyler holding a makeshift stake, while crouched, ready to attack. Stefan across the room sitting at a table with his feet propped up on the edge. Matt half in front, half to the right of Tyler, scared to death probably. And the blonde bitch within three feet of Tyler with her arms crossed and that annoying smirk on her backstabbing face.
"Hey, Caroline? I will gladly kill him for you, but I know what a jerk he was during your relationship, so if you want..." Stefan trailed off.
"Oh, I wa—"
"You've been a jerk during our relationship, what do you think I should do to you?" I spoke up to make my presence known, cutting off the bitch.
"Kenzie, thank god," Matt breathed.
"Get over it, he doesn't want you," Caroline scoffed, glaring at me now. Stefan got up from his seat, approaching us all slowly with his eyes on me. He was being cautious, trying to figure out what I was up to. But I had no plan. I was here to save Ty and Matt.
"No, he doesn't want you," I corrected, coming up to Tyler's side. "And Tyler doesn't want you. No one wants poor slutty Caroline. Cause they want me."
"You want my sloppy seconds?" She retorted.
"I've had them, they weren't sloppy at all," I smirked, raising a brow at her while placing my arm on Tyler's large flexed bicep.
"You what?" Caroline gasped.
"Oh, I rocked his world. Over and over," I said and Tyler turned to give me a 'wtf' look.
"What?!" Matt yelled before chuckling. "I called it. You two? I called it."
"Shut up, Matt!" Caroline screeched, her face mad with anger. But it was Stefan's face I was watching now. The gears in his head turning as the no humanity version let it sink in that I've fucked someone else.
"Right, Ty?" I asked, slowly tugging him until he turned to face me. He seemed on edge, waiting for Caroline or Stefan to maybe snap and attack. But I didn't care. I leaned over to kiss him, just to make it more believable to them. Because it was true. And the more that sunk in, the more they were likely to feel something about it.
"I slept with Stefan!" Caroline yelled.
And just like that my body was cold all over. My lips centimeters from touching Ty's. I turned to look at Caroline's cocky expression. Then I was boiling with rage. Steam was probably blowing out of my ears I was so livid. Disgusted.
"Kenzie," Stefan spoke warningly. He sounded almost like himself. I swiftly snatched the stake from Tyler and lunged forward to stab her.
"Matt!" Tyler screamed. I gasped in shock as the stake went into Matt's stomach instead. Caroline had used him as a shield in a nanosecond with her vampire speed.
"Nice going, Kenzie," Caroline cackled, letting Matt go and trying to walk away but Stefan blocked her. I had no time to listen in on their argument.
I needed to help Matt. Tyler was holding him while Matt bled out from his stomach. I bit into my wrist and dropped down beside him. "No," Matt groaned out, pushing my arm away before I could press my bleeding wrist to his mouth.
"Matt," I frowned.
"Take the blood," Tyler said.
"No," he repeated adamantly. I could've forced him to feed but I wanted to respect his wishes.
"I'm so sorry, Matt," I said. "Tyler get some towels and call Elena. Tell her we need a room cleared and to get Jo." Tyler got up to do as I said.
"So, for those of us keeping score, that's Kenzie nothing to Caroline's what? Like 3rd win? It's getting pathetic," Caroline mocked me.
I pulled out my phone, texting Damon. While holding Matt's hand. "You can't die on me," I told Matt, smacking his cheek gently as his eyes were closing.
"Scull bar now. I need your car. Matt's hurt. Stefan and Caroline are here," I sent Damon.
Tyler came back with the towels. I pressed them around the stake. It was best not to remove it. But at the same time he wanted human treatment. And I stabbed him with a wooden stake. I guess crazier things have happened.
"Is he okay?" Tyler asked me. I didn't have to answer cause surprisingly the front door opened and Damon was strolling in. Not with his usual glory. But with an expression I recognized—lacking confidence—his face told me he wasn't sure his plan would work.
Lily slid in slowly behind him. I watched worriedly, turning back to watch Stefan's face get covered in shock. Worse than knowing I fucked Tyler. It looked like his whole world was crumbling.
"Who's that?" Caroline asked.
"It's my mother," Stefan whispered.
"Help me," I told Tyler, lifting Matt up. Upon seeing us get one of Matt's arm over our shoulders each, Damon tossed me the keys.
"Get him out of here," Damon said.
"So... you have a mother?" Caroline asked as we made our way to leave.
"I had a mom. She died. So, whoever this is is Damon's lame attempt to get my humanity back on," Stefan answered her.
I didn't hear Caroline's response as Tyler and I were carefully laying Matt in the backseat of Damon's car parked illegally out front in a fire zone. "Take him. I need to stay here," I told Ty, holding out the keys.
"What?" Tyler frowned. "No. Come with me."
"No. I need to be here. We don't have time to argue. Jo and Elena will take care of him," I said. Tyler pecked my lips for a sweet kiss, surprising me. Then he took the keys and rushed into the driver's seat.
I shook the weirdness off, heading back into Scull bar as a blonde flash ran by me. Caroline fleeing. Wow. How cowardly. Not to mention shitty. If my best friend was being ambushed while we both had our humanity off, I wouldn't abandon them. Them being Damon, Enzo, Elena, or Stefan. Never Stefan. That's because I love him more than she ever has, would, or could even imagine. And he wouldn't abandon me. After all the shit we've been through before this year, we had each other's backs. We always came back to each other.
I sighed, shaking my head of my thoughts. I didn't want to think about the past or what ifs. I needed to face them head on. This was it. His humanity would be back on, very soon. And when it did, we had to decide where to go next. Because we had to talk about what we've both have done in the last few days.
Finally, I slipped back in to see Lily standing right in front of Stefan. "I'm sure you have many questions–" she was saying in her gentle voice as. And was rudely gently before her rude son interrupted.
"Well, the fact that you haven't aged a day answers the big one," came Stefan's sarcasm. Yup. A quality of his no humanity self.
"I'm a Ripper," Lily blurted out. Stefan's face matched mine then. Completely shocked. Eyebrows raised, eyes wide. Didn't know she was just gonna start there. Stefan seemed to crumble a bit, seeming like his real self as the wrinkles creased on his forehead and his lips pulled into a frown a moment later. He was about to speak. But thankfully she spoke first, "All the guilt you've carried for your lack of control? It's my fault, not yours. You get it from me. That's why I had to leave. I was so new to the bloodlust, I was afraid I would hurt you and your brother. The last time I saw you was the day of my funeral. You weren't imagining it. I was your angel."
Stefan was definitely cracking under pressure. I could see it in his eyes, less glazed over with that indifference. I inched up next to Damon until we were side by side.
"If only I'd been there to see you grow into a young man, to protect you from your father's temper. But, I was so ashamed of the things that I'd done, of what I'd become, and by the time I got my appetite under control and was coming back for you and your brother, I was hunted down and banished to a prison world by the Gemini," Lily continued.
I glanced at Damon then. I wanted to see his reaction. She was saying all the right things. But I saw how worried he was coming into the room with her. And for the life of me I didn't trust this woman. I refused someone with her past was perfectly innocent, a changed woman, whose voice had to be completely soft spoken. It was so fake it made me want to gag. I wasn't buying it.
She had no humanity, killed thousands, and then suddenly was coming back for Stefan and Damon? She didn't seem too happy to see her son when we were in her prison world. And she didn't sound this sweet and gentle this morning when she was praying into Damon and Elena's relationship, spilling the beans about the cure.
"The one thing that helped me get through being trapped in that awful place was the hope of seeing my sons again," Lily continued, daring to raise a hand up to Stefan's cheek.
I snuck another peek at Damon, seeing his jaw clenched hard. He didn't believe her either. That was all the indication I needed. His blue eyes caught me looking so I turned away quickly. "I know there are no words that make up for me abandoning you, but we have all of eternity for me to try," Lily said softly, forcing a smile. And then Damon's hand grabbed hold of mine. Tightly. "Your angel has returned to you and I will never leave you again," she said and then I swore I heard my bones snap and I cried in pain, pulling my hand away. Okay, not broken. But Damon surely tried.
"Ow," I whimpered and Damon shot me an apologetic look. I shook my head in disbelief, cradling my left hand to my chest. My brown eyes moving to Stefan. His eyes closed and his face relaxing. My man was coming back.
When his green eyes opened, all watery and full of emotion, I knew. "Mother," he frowned out.
Lily grinned, more real. For once. "My sweet, sweet boy," she said softly. Ugh. I really couldn't stand her voice. I wanted so desperately for it to be her faking. Like a motherly Paris Hilton. Gag me.
Stefan pulled her into a hug. His eyes closed as he melted against his mother. Part of me was happy for him. Another was ready to kick his ass and the last part of me wanted to rip them apart because I didn't trust her.
When he went to pull away after a long minute or two, his eyes opened and fell upon me. "Kenz," he gasped, stepping back and moving as if he was about to approach me.
But I stopped him with the first words that came to my mind, "You slept with her." It was all I could get out. And that's not what I wanted to do first. This was supposed to be a time for us to makeup. I was supposed to be so relieved he was back to normal. I should've been hugging him and excusing us so we could talk things out. So he could explain and I could too.
But my mind skipped feeling relieved and happy my regular Stefan was back, the one who last time I saw was saying he was in love with me, ready to fix our failing marriage. Instead all that I could think about was the fact the love of my life had sex with another woman who loved him too. I slept with Tyler out of pure frustration. It was hypocritical of me to think I was justified for cheating on my husband, but him cheating on me was unforgivable. I needed to know if sleeping with her changed anything or meant something to him. If he had been lying days ago when he said he couldn't see himself with her or having intimate feelings for her.
"I'm so sorry," he said. And it was written all over his face. He was sorry. But I was searching for more. Like regret. Like self loathing. I wanted him to hate himself for what he did. For what he's done to us. To me. And all I got was "sorry." My brows raised in shock as I waited for him to say more. But he looked like a kid caught red handed in the cookie jar in the middle of the night. Not like a husband who was afraid to lose everything.
"You slept with Caroline?" Damon questioned, disgust laced with every emphasized word.
"I wasn't myself," Stefan defended, glancing at him before locking eyes with me again. "It didn't mean anything, Kenz. I don't love her. I don't want her—"
"I don't believe you," I cut him off. And it was horrific because my voice cracked. Almost like my heart was. Tears were pooling hot in my eyes. I was ready to break down. He was sorry. As if it was a regular fucking accident. Like the time he broke my favorite coffee mug.
"Baby, please. It meant nothing. My humanity was off. And... you know how I am. Sex is the one thing I want if it's not blood," Stefan said, practically shrugging with that pathetic excuse. I didn't care why he did it. I knew his humanity was off. I knew his sex drive because of it. That didn't mean his dick needed to be in someone that wasn't me! Me, who tried to seduce him just a day ago and he pushed me away.
"I want a divorce," I spat, reaching up and pulling at the necklace around my neck, untucking it from my shirt. All my rings in my hand before I threw them at him—Promise ring, my moon shaped ring from our one year anniversary, the green engagement ring, and the cheap wedding band. "I'm done, Stefan."
"Kenzie—" he croaked, trying time catch the rings that bounced off his chest.
"You got married?" Damon gasped.
I didn't answer. I didn't wait for Stefan to explain either. I bolted for the door in a flash. Stefan shouting after me, "Kenz!" But I didn't stop. I left. I ran and I kept running. I needed space, distance between us to think without looking at his face. Because as beautiful as it was, it was pained and full of guilt. Which, was just a reminder how he hurt me. How hurting me, hurt him. And I didn't want to feel sorry for him. I just wanted to get away from him and the thoughts of him with Caroline.
***
"Wait, you slept with Tyler? And Stefan slept with Caroline while his humanity was off? Now Damon knows. And their mother is alive. What the hell?" Jeremy chuckled in disbelief.
I was in Mystic Falls. At my old house. The one burnt to ashes. That's where my ran led me. All while reality sunk in about what I had just done. I told him I wanted a divorce. I threw my rings at him. Granted, for the millionth time I was throwing rings at him, but this was different. It felt different. I wasn't speaking or acting out of just frustration or anger about a fight. This came from a place of heartbreak. I always knew those times before that we would still be in a relationship despite throwing a ring and running away. Hell, the worst thing that could have happened a year ago was we decided to call off the wedding. But even if we did, we would have still been a couple. Still in love. Still loyal.
"How can I forgive him?" I asked.
"Well... aren't you even? Humanity on, you slept with Tyler. More than once—"
"Stefan has been lying about liking Caroline for what, a year now? If not two years! And been saying they're just friends. And since he's been back he's been glued to her side. They kissed when their humanity was on. He flips it off right after he says he wants to be with me and the first thing he does is have sex with the enemy? After all his high and mighty bullshit I heard him tell Caroline yesterday? That he was doing everything to get revenge on her? That is not the same as my revenge, rebound sex with Tyler."
"Considering you keep denying that maybe you like Tyler a little bit," Jeremy retorted.
"I do not!"
"Mhm. So instead of using a stranger, or even compulsion, you used your 'just a friend' guy for sex. Yeah, that makes sense. Face it, big sis, Stefan was chasing after Caroline and you were spending your time with Tyler. I think y'all are even," Jeremy replied and I continued to pout at him through the camera on FaceTime.
"So I'm just supposed to forgive him?" I scoffed.
"You look a lot less sad and angry then you did when you first called over an hour ago."
"But—"
"You guys were just getting it right. Let him continue to grovel and fix things. Because... I've seen you without Stefan. And I don't like it," he admitted.
"No one does," I snorted, chuckling.
"Seriously, Kenzie, if I didn't think you two were soulmates or could work it out, I wouldn't have let you guys get married. But... I know he loves you. And I know you love him... Maybe even more than you love me."
"I don't love anyone as much as I love you," I stated seriously and he grinned.
"I know... but Stefan is a close second. And he makes you happy. He's capable of making this right. But you have to let him."
"I just don't understand how he could do it."
"His humanity was off. Yours was off and you were leading both brothers on, remember?"
"Why are you on his side?"
"Because he stuck around when you put him through hell. It's not the exact same but... again, I think y'all are even. If you can forgive him for kissing Caroline that one time, then you can call it even for him sleeping with her while you were sleeping with Tyler. That's all I'm saying. Because you deserve to be happy. And I don't think you're going to find that with Tyler or anyone else but Stefan," Jeremy said and I rolled my eyes.
"I hate when you make sense and sound old and wise."
"Make that man beg for forgiveness. But then forgive him, Kenzie. Don't be stubborn."
"What if I just run away? Then I can move on."
"The way you and Stefan love? It's so strong it's almost toxic. You're so stubborn you won't even let yourself fall out of love with him. So stop playing games and be happy with your man. So he can be the one dealing with your whining and puppy dog eyes—Stop looking at me like that!" Jeremy complained.
"What am I supposed to do? Why can't I just stay with you for a few days until I'm ready to face him?" I begged desperately.
"Because my big sister doesn't run away from her problems anymore. She's strong and brave, and hell, she'll do anything to get what she wants. And what she really wants is to be a wife to Stefan Salvatore. So I think she needs to find a way to be that."
"Did I mention I hate when you're right?"
"Bye, Mrs. Salvatore."
I was grinning ear to ear at the sound of my legal name. He was right. I wanted to be Stefan's wife more than anything. But... "Bye, I love you," I forced out before I took him on a tangent of my negative thoughts about my relationship with Stefan.
"I love you more. Bye."
After we hung up, I had to face all the missed notifications popping up on my phone: 59 calls from 'Stefanator' along with 21 voicemails and 33 texts. A couple other texts from Damon, Tyler, and Elena. The gist of it was Matt was okay but Damon was wondering if I was. Guess, I'll read Stefan's texts:
Kenz, answer your phone please
Can we just talk about this?
You're my wife. I don't want a divorce. I want to fix this. I am so sorry. I can't justify my actions, but babe, my humanity was off. It meant absolutely nothing. I barely remember it. Her emotions are off. There were no feelings involved. It was one time. It will never happen again. I'm so sorry for hurting you. Again. But please, let me make this right. I just want to be your husband. I want to take care of you. I want us to be okay. And I need you, Kenz. Please don't shut me out.
Babe, answer the phone. Yell at me. Hit me. Do whatever you need to. But please, don't leave me. I don't want to live without you. I can't. I love you
Kenzie, please
I'm begging you, come back. Come home. Talk to me. Let me make this up to you
Just tell me that you're okay. Or tell me where you are. I'll come to you. I just need to see you, I need to know you're alright
Kenzie, talk to me
I've left you over a dozen messages. Can't you see how sorry I am? Babe, it was a huge mistake.
Don't do this to me. Don't do this to us. We can fix this. How many times have we come back to each other? We were meant to be. I don't know how to be without you. And I'm hoping you still want and need me too. Do you?
I sighed, scrolling over the next handful of them all to the last one from ten minutes ago: Babe, I love you. Just you. With all my heart. To the moon and back. Forever and always.
Then I went over his voicemails. Until I got to one I played over and over while crying silently:
Kenzie Nicole, I love you. No, I'm in love with you. I think I have been from the moment we met. Right outside of the men's bathroom. You were mute, eyes wide saucers and you were biting your lip as I spoke to you. I remember how you nodded slowly and blushed repeatedly when we bumped into each other. And I knew right then, coming to Mystic Falls to know you was the right choice.
I had no idea that you were the twin I saved first. The one with the cute little birthmark. But I sensed it. I've always had this nagging need, a craving to be close to you. And I'm sorry I was so stupid, not realizing you wanted me back. I'm sorry for dating Elena. I'm sorry for making you hide our relationship for months. I'm sorry for the way we first said I love you and I took your virginity. Because you deserved much more–You deserved then and now much better than how I've treated you.
But babe, it was always out of love. I would do anything to protect you. Anything for you. And I know I've screwed up so badly this year. I know it's almost unforgivable how I've hurt you. But I am truly sorry and ashamed. And I do not want to lose you. And I'm sorry it's taken putting you through hell to make me realize that being with you, isn't a default option. That you can leave me. That you can have your own life. That we can just be two separate people even if that's not what we want—or what I want.
Kenz, I'm not perfect. And I need to say that because you put me on this pedestal that I can't live up to anymore. I don't know how I ever have. Sometimes I wonder if you falling in love with me was because you were in a vulnerable situation and I was just there, closest to you at the time. Because you aren't that mute, sad, girl I met. You've always been strong and beautiful inside and out. But you've changed. You are grown now. You know who you are and what you want. And it's okay if we've grown apart. If... I'm not enough anymore. Or if I've fucked up so bad you don't have any chances left to give me.
But if you do. And I'm desperately wishing, hoping, praying that you do. Let me make this right. Let's start over. Let me treat you how you've always deserved. No more hiding. No more biting tongues. No more settling. No more excuses.
I want to be your husband. I want to be proud to call you my wife. So will you please have me? Will you please marry me in front of our friends in a huge pink dress? Will you kiss me like you're afraid to lose me too? Will you be mine for all of eternity? Because I need to be yours. I don't know how to be anything else.
And I'm sorry for ever even thinking of considering I could be anything else. When I know I was made for you.
I want to make you food all day, every day. I want to wipe your mouth for you and scold you for your messes. I want to compliment your every outfit and unzip you out of onesies. I want to kiss you every morning and every night when we're in bed beside each other. I want to do all those little things you love just to make you smile and blush like you used to. I want to go back to when things were right. I want us to be happy.
So please, call me back. Tell me what you want.
I won't be perfect, but I'll be the best husband I can be. Or... if you want... I'll leave town. I'll let you start over. I won't stay in your way. I don't want you to feel tormented by anything in this world, including myself. If you don't want me to protect and love you, the least I can do is stay out of your way and not let us both be haunted by our past and what could've been.
I love you, Mrs. Salvatore.
If I only get to say that one time, that's good enough for me. I'm sorry for how we got married. But I'm not sorry that we did. I'm the luckiest man on earth. But do I get to be forever? Let me know, Kenz.
~Picture: Stefan with Lily when he turns his humanity back on
Aaaaand there we have it folks! Soooo many big things happened this chapter:
First things first: STEFAN SLEPT WITH CAROLINE?!!! 😱😱😱😱 Wtf. How do we feel? What do we think? Are we surprised? And what about Kenzie's reaction? Is Stenzie going to survive this? Jeremy hopes so, how about you?
Secondly, the cure!! Damon has the cure. What to do, what to do?? He wanted it for Elena... but will he tell her about it? Will she take it? What happens to Delena if she does? Maybe someone else should take it...
Thirdly: Jo is pregnant! And Stenzie is spiraling at the thought and her own ideas of having children.
So much more drama to come. Stenzie has stuff to figure out. Caroline has ran off, still without her humanity. Enzo apparently knows Lily and is off with Stefan's niece and suddenly he's MIA. There might be weirdness between Kenzie and Tyler. Jeremy is still away but Lily seems to be sticking around. Jo and Alaric's wedding is around the corner. So much going on and so much more to do. What's next??